Discovering Love

Chapter 10
What Happened to Gregory?

Nothing came next.

The party didn’t exactly end. I think it more ran out of gas. At some point in the middle of a wrestling match, Greg appeared in the doorway of the television room. He stood for a while, staring into the screen. When I looked a few minutes later he was gone.

It was the last time I saw Greg for some time. It must have been July and I was not doing anything in particular, when I ran into Doug.

“Where you been?” Doug asked.

“Nowhere in particular,” I said.

“Figured you’d come back around. You had that look about you.”

“I did? Didn’t see any future in it. It’s not like Greg and I are destined to be together.”

“No, probably not. When most guys get it, they get it pretty bad. He asked me if I’d seen you,” Doug revealed.

“When did he do that?” I asked, becoming more interested in our conversation.

“After the party. Maybe a week or two. Around that time. I don’t remember exactly when.”

“How’s Greg?” I asked.

“Fine. Not much has changed. A couple of guys we run with joined up. They turned eighteen a few months back. Greg’s circle of friends is slimming down. Only a couple left to play his game.”

“Herbie?” I asked.

“Yeah, Herbie has started to play pool more often. The other guys are younger and Herbie isn’t as intimidated to act the fool in front of them.”

“They are best friends. I could see it at the party.”

“Yes, he is. He’s known Greg longest.”

“Herbie joining up?”

“Will he join up?”

“Maybe. You can never tell what Herbie will do. I don’t think he’d slip past the shrink.”

“Greg joining?” I asked.

“He might. He’s eighteen but doesn’t seem ready for that. He’ll have to stop being a kid in the army. Greg likes being the big dog. I think he’ll hang around for a while.”

“Greg will join up if Herbie does?”

“That would be my bet,” Doug said. “I play badminton with a couple of my friends in the afternoon. You ought to come by. Just walk past the garage and you’ll see the yard where we play. My friends are way more mature.”

“Does Greg play?” I asked.

“No, definitely not. Badminton is too sissy for my brother. Besides we play in shorts and without our shirts. No challenge to strip badminton.”

“He’d play strip badminton?” I said.

“If it gives him a chance to show off what he has, he’s in. Hasn’t approached with that idea as of yet, but my friends are conservative. They’ve heard all about Greg from their brothers. Greg mostly sticks with the brotherhood. No surprises there.”

“They’re joining up though. The brotherhood?”

“More and more. There’s been a couple of goodbye parties for the guys joining. They tend to join in pairs. Most of us have been together for years.”

“You’re most of us?” I asked.

“I’m Greg’s brother. Whatever happens I’m nearby. My brotherhood with Greg is more natural. I keep my lips sealed about what I see and he treats me okay.”

“Squirt?” I said.

“He’s got to treat me like I’m his annoying little brother in front of new arrivals. He doesn’t take it too seriously. When I walk in on him, he knows I know a little bit more than I knew before.”

“You’ve told me. Who else do you tell?” I asked, as I started to become concerned.

“Martin, you were there. I wouldn’t tell Alfred if that’s what you mean. I told you about Germany, because it’s where Greg got his start. Since you were in it, I figured you’d like to know.”

“Yeah, but I could say something about that,” I calculated.

“What are you going to say, Martin. ‘Hey, the boy I’m fooling around with has fooled around with boys in Germany?’”

“You do have a point. All I have is your word on it. I don’t even know if you’re telling me the real scoop,” I said.

“I like you, Martin. I don’t want to see you get hurt. Thinking my brother is this above it all type who lets other guys touch his equipment is a nice story, but it’s not the truth.”

“What is the truth?”

“My brother’s a pervert. He’s harmless and no one has complained. The idea he can get guys to do stuff gives him his feeling of superiority. The fact he likes it doesn’t even register. Greg is Greg and now you know. The rest is up to you. There’s not much else I can tell you.”

“I’m glad you did tell me. I’ve figured out there is no future in liking your brother. He’s cool. I mean as far as I’ve been with him. I just don’t need to be involved with him.”

“He’s harmless. Don’t stay away because you are afraid he’ll be sniffing around you. Greg isn’t like that. His power is in being sniffed, not in sniffing.”

“You do have a way with words,” I said.

“I just want you to feel comfortable. Greg isn’t any trouble.”

“Easy for you to say. There are feelings I have for him.”

“Come up to see me and he won’t bother you. He doesn’t need to chase a dude. He’d never do that.”

“He wouldn’t?” I asked.

“He doesn’t have a lot of self-control but that’s for when he has someone where he wants them.”

“Loosing to him while playing pool?”

“Everyone knows the stakes. Stay away from the pool table and you have nothing to worry about. He doesn’t come around me when my friends are at the house. We give each other a lot of room that way.”

“Really,” I said.

“You’re safe with me. My friends are all regular teenagers. No one trying to get you to do something you might not feel comfortable doing. Badminton is a relatively risk free game.

“Come on by this afternoon. We’ll play badminton and you can meet a couple of my friends. They aren’t sex crazed. We figure there is plenty of time to go down that road. Greg probably won’t even be around.”

“I might do that,” I said.

“Don’t might, Martin. Say you will,” Doug insisted.

“Okay,” I said, figuring my pledge to keep my distance from Greg didn’t mean I couldn’t be friends with Doug.

I knew how to play badminton but I learned to play tennis the year before and badminton seemed tame, after having a tennis ball sizzle past your head a few times.

It was a little after two and the sun was far enough along in the sky that the badminton net was in the shade. Doug had his shirt off and he was playing Johnny as Les sat off on one side of the net.

“Great! We can play doubles,” Doug said, and we did.

There was a simple introduction. “This is Johnny and Les. This is Martin. He grew up here.”

I played beside Johnny who wore a white tee-shirt. Doug was across the net, which gave me an excellent view of him in just cutoffs and sneakers. Doug made a pretty picture. I watched the way his body reacted to each shot he went after. He was quick and agile.

Playing badminton wasn’t my favorite thing, but if you were going to sweat on a July afternoon, you may as well have a reason other than the heat, but it was very warm. I was sweating from the time the shuttlecock was first struck.

Doug was the better player. He moved fast and scored the most pints. I was slow to react because I was busy watching his form. As Greg was the king of pool at their house, Doug ruled the badminton venue.

After losing yet another point, I retreated back to my spot on the court, and I noticed someone standing in the shadows next to the back porch. Greg moved to about twenty feet behind where Doug served, when I first saw him clearly.

He had a beer in his hand and he watched us play. I’d stopped watching Doug and Greg had my attention.

Doug and Les beat Johnny and me the first game.

“Let’s take a break,” Doug said, sweat on his forehead and chest. “Hey, Greg, how about some root beer,” Doug said, once he saw his brother.

“No thanks. I have a Pabst,” Greg said impishly.

“Come on. You’re closer to the fridge. I’m all sweaty.”

Surprisingly Greg sat his beer down and went into the house. He came back with two root beers in each hand. He gave Doug and Les one bottle and handed Johnny one. When he turned to me I was standing about a foot away, and he pushed the bottle against the center of my bare chest. The icy chill had me reflex back away from him.

“Chill, Martin. It’s only root beer,” he said, and then he did something really strange.

Greg smiled at me. It wasn’t his evil little, I know all about you smile. It was a warm friendly smile. I was suspicious but I couldn’t help myself and I smiled back.

“Where you been. I figured you’d be back,” he said, as if we were all by ourselves.

“I am back. I’m playing badminton with Doug.”

“Duh!” he said. “I meant back to see me. I thought you showed promise as a pool player. I wanted to show you a little more.”

“I saw plenty, remember? Once you see once, what’s the point?”

The smile went away. Greg was processing. He smiled again.

“You didn’t have fun? I had fun. You acted like you had fun.”

“I didn’t say that, but there is fun and then there is fun. That was okay one time. It wasn’t far from what I expected. You are the king after all.”

Greg wasn’t sure how to process those words. He knew no one mentioned the king or his kingdom in front of me, but I’d said the magic word.

He glanced at Doug and then at me. He had on a white tee-shirt and jeans. His face was maybe a shade darker than Doug’s face, but it was still almost golden. His hair was short and neat. It was a light brown under an almost blond hue that blended perfectly with the color of his face.

I looked for too long and he noticed. My heart had already began beating beyond what badminton caused. Had I not been where I was and had there not been three boys watching us, I could imagine kissing Greg smack on the lips, but I wasn’t that far down the long lonesome highway.

“Drink your root beer so we can play another game,” Doug said to me.

Greg took one step back and the heat dropped ten degrees. He looked at me again and started to turn away.

“Any time you want to come around, don’t let me stop you,” he said, walking away and not looking back.

I wasn’t much good at badminton after Greg disappeared, not that I was any good before he showed up. Each time I saw him I was left with a different impression. The way my heart beat told me he did something to me no one else had ever done.

Greg was apparently accustomed to having guys take the bait and then couldn’t get enough of him. He may have figured me to be in that category, except I hadn’t come back after seeing the party.

I wasn’t going there and this may have confused him. Was he losing his touch as he grew into manhood? He seemed full of charm behind their house, and I might have bought it, except I’d seen too much to believe he thought I was something special.

Nothing had changed for me. I wasn’t willing to get in so deep I couldn’t get back out. It had never happened to me and I was pretty careful with my feelings, up until Greg. Being with him was like getting a jolt of electricity sent through me. Being away from him made me feel more in control of myself. It wasn’t the kind of control Greg exercised, but it was enough to prevent trouble.

Greg was gone for good that day. Doug and I walked up to the High’s store for a pint of chocolate milk that came in a glass bottle and some Hostess Twinkies. We sat on the curb outside and swigged that incredible milk.

“I’m here most afternoons. Come on by,” Doug said, as we stopped out on the street in front of his house.

My house was on the other side of the road and back a few blocks. To get anywhere I had to go past Doug’s house.

We said goodbye and I headed home with more to think about. Between Doug and Greg, Doug was by far nicer and easier to be with. Greg made me feel like I was a kid and he was god. I couldn’t figure out why I liked him.

The amount of time that passed before I saw Greg again was lost in a maze of returning to school for my senior year and getting on with my own life. There was more to do than ever before. I had a part in the senior play and I was involved in decorating for the big fall dance at the end of October.

They came and went and Thanksgiving began to merge into Christmas. The year was moving at a lightning pace, because I was always doing something. Yes, I thought about Greg from time to time, but I was getting over him. I’d graduate soon and I’d get on with my life and meet a nice boy who was more my style and far less arrogant.

Not seeing Greg meant not thinking about him, except when I was in bed late at night. That’s when I replayed every minute I’d ever spent with him. There weren’t many of them so it didn’t require a lot of work. My inability to forget t him made me wonder if I might really be in love with him. What was love anyway? How did you know if you were in love?

Maybe he’d joined the army like his buds. I hadn’t seen Doug either, but I’d never seen him at school. There were a lot of kids and I didn’t run into many I knew during a day if I didn’t have class with them.

When I ran into Johnny one afternoon, I asked, “How’s Doug?”

“Doug? He’s fine.”

“You seen Greg around?” I asked, unable to stop myself.

“Greg? You don’t know? He was in an accident. Broke both legs. He’s been in the hospital. Pretty serious Doug says.”

“Oh, no. I didn’t know. What hospital?”

“On the base. All the army kids go there.”

“Thanks,” I said.

“You going to see him?” Johnny asked, after we’d stopped talking. “Tell him I said hi.”

“Probably,” I said. “I’ll tell him.”

“I should go up but I don’t get around to it. Hospitals depress me. The nurses are all too old for me.”

“Yeah, I imagine,” I said, and there wasn’t much more to say after that.

I had to stop at the gate and get a temporary pass to get on base. A year later I’d work there, but for now it was a strange place. They’d called the hospital to check to see if Greg was there, and wrote the pass and the soldier pointed out the directions. It was like a right turn, follow the road, and it’s on the left two miles down. He said I couldn’t miss it.

I had to sign in at the nurses’ station and they pointed out the way to Greg’s bed in a line of beds on the last ward on the hallway. There were maybe three other guys in the eight beds on the ward.

“Hello,” I said, not getting too close.

Greg was lying on his back with one leg up in the air in traction and the other flat on the bed in a cast. He was looking out of the window next to his bed, and his head turned slowly as he followed the sound of my greeting.

“Oh, Martin,” he said without any strength in his words. “Thanks for coming over. You can come closer, I don’t bite.”

“I just heard. I was shocked. I figured you’d have plenty of company, but I wanted to say hello and see how you were.”

“No, no one comes up. Doug. My parents. People don’t come to hospitals much.”

“Johnny said to tell you hi,” I said.

“Oh, okay. Johnny who?”

“Good looking young dude. He was playing badminton with us that day behind the house,” I explained.

“Badminton?” Greg said vacantly.

“How are you?” I asked, knowing that was about the dumbest thing I’d ever said to anyone.

“Oh, I’m okay,” he said, not selling it and not trying. “Sit down. There’s a chair over here somewhere.”

I sat down on the chair between the bed and the window. I was facing the wall at the head of the bed and looking at his face. There were abrasions on the side of his face and a fresh scar on his forehead that no longer had stitches in it.

“What are you doing about school?” I asked.

“School? They’re going to send some stuff. Nothing really. I’m a bit weirded out by the drugs. Don’t know whether I’m coming or going. Thanks for coming over. It’s nice to see someone besides the doctors and nurses.

“What happened, Greg?”

“Just minding my own business. Next thing I know I wake up in this fucking bed. Accident I think. I don’t remember anything. Just woke up like this.”

“You want me to go? If you want to rest, I understand, Greg.”

He looked like death warmed over. His gorgeous skin was pale and without its usual color. His hair was darker.

“No, don’t go. I haven’t seen anyone all day. Thanks for coming by, Martin. I figured you were done with me.”

“Done with you?” I asked.

“Had enough. You know, I’m a dick a lot of the time. I know people think I’m a dick. Is that what you think?”

“No I don’t. You’re fine. I mean I like you. It’s why I came up here. I wouldn’t come up here if I didn’t like you.”

“No I guess you wouldn’t. It’s nice seeing you. I mean I didn’t expect to see you.”

“Are you in pain?” I asked.

“They did some stuff to the leg that’s hanging up there over my head. I think some pins or something. It’s the second time they’ve made repairs. It had to begin healing a little before they could do the second part to make it stronger.”

“Sounds serious,” I said.

“Yeah, they’ve got me so doped up I’m not all here at the moment.”

“Most of you is here,” I said, smiling at him.

Seeing Greg this way really softened my heart toward him. Now he was vulnerable and lost in a place where he was just a bunch of injuries and things to patch up. No one gave him the time of day otherwise.

He was also a captive audience for me. Greg wasn’t going to walk out on me. He did seem to be out of it but he didn’t look like he was going anywhere anytime soon. I would come up each day after school until he told me to get lost.

“You want me to come up after school?” I asked. “I have stuff to do after school, but I’ll come by later if you like.”

“Would you. That would be nice,” he said. “My parents work on base. They stop before work in the morning. I’m half asleep. I don’t wake up until after breakfast or maybe it’s lunch. I’m not sure which it is. They keep me doped up.”

Thus began my daily visits with Greg. No one was ever there when I went up. At first it was all small talk. There was no substance to the words. It was your basic communication.

He revealed nothing about himself and I told him nothing about me. I knew we were just warming up and the idea he was going to be there for six months meant I always knew where to find him.

I brought him some of my books. I’d turn left into his ward and after the first week all I could see was teeth. Greg would be lying there waiting for me and he smiled when he caught first site of me. It wasn’t that cock sure smile he once used on me, but it was more the warm smile mixed with gratitude. He was the only young guy on the ward.

Greg was in a ward with old men, retired military. They were having plumbing work done. Some had tickers that were on the fritz. They didn’t wear tops to their pajamas and they had huge scars that went from here to there, where their innards had been repaired. I tried not to look, but you couldn’t miss those scars. I reminded myself that I wasn’t going to get old.

Greg was isolated in his corner and the rest of the men were up closer to the nurses’ station. We could visit and talk without bothering anyone. I really liked being there with him. As time passed we became more and more comfortable with each other. Greg even seemed nice. My defenses fell.

By the end of the first two months we were friends. We talked about feelings and thoughts that I shared with no one else. Greg told me things about himself that surprised me. He wasn’t as confident as he appeared. I suppose being flat on your back for a few months could take the starch out of anyone. He was nice to me and I returned the favor.

As time went on, we played cards and I brought some board games that were suitable for two to play. Greg ordered extra food and shared his meals with me. The hoagies awesome. He loved ice cream.

Greg was happy. Even confined to a bed and strung up like some caged animal, he managed to smile and I never heard him complain. He did say his injuries were mending and there would be no more cutting and no more pins and screws to hold him together. I think that pleased him no end. It was a long road for him to get back on his feet.

Greg was the most important thing in my life. I didn’t have any illusions. Once he was back on his feet, he’d be heading for parts unknown, but being there with him, getting to know him, was pretty neat. The boy I once saw as a threat to my future had become essential to me.

I finally met his parents on a Sunday. They were nicely dressed and looked like nice people. The doctors were doing something to change the amount of traction on Greg’s leg and we waited in a little room beside the nurses’ station.

I stood off to the rear after they let us see him. His mother and father stood next to the bed and talked to him. I eased back a few feet and left. I’d be back tomorrow and I didn’t want to get in the way of another visit. I was there all the time.

When I went up the next day, Greg scolded me for not waiting until his parents left. Greg was feeling better and the dick had returned.

“They don’t stay that long. You’re the only one who stays with me. Why didn’t you wait? They were only here ten minutes.”

“I decided I didn’t want to wait. You had company,” I said.

“They weren’t company. They’re my parents,” he snapped.

It was the old, I’m in charge of you Greg. He was becoming the boy who knew he could get me to do about anything he wanted. That vision wasn’t a nice vision to recall, and as he continued his little boy tirade, I walked out on him.

I knew the day would come when Greg wouldn’t need me any longer. I would have stayed by his side until that day arrived if he’d treated me like he appreciated all the time I devoted to him.

He didn’t know I loved him and I sure wasn’t going to tell him, but my love came with a caveat. As long as he treated me like we were on an equal footing, I’d be there for him. Making me feel like I didn’t belong there made me feel like I didn’t belong there.

He was well on his way to recovering. I drove away and was determined not to return.

NEXT CHAPTER