Discovering Love

Chapter 7
Game Plan

“You’re late!”

My father spoke as soon as I opened the front door.

He was around the corner in the kitchen fixing dinner. I could smell the chili as soon as I got in the living room. It was a weekday standard he prepared as soon as he walked in the door. We’d be ready to eat as soon as my mother got home.

I was late. I’d ridden home on a cloud and my pair of Converse sneakers. My life was forever different. Feelings I’d never felt ran through me, but I was home. It was no picnic. The routine of home, my behavior, well established years and years before. I got home the day I first played pool with Greg and as much as I had been changed, nothing at my house ever changed.

“Yes, sir,” I said, wondering how he always knew when I came home.

I went to my room and changed my clothes, setting aside the ones I’d been wearing while I was with Greg. I sat on the corner of my bed and thought about going crazy. It wasn’t something I thought about doing but I wondered if I was. There was nothing new at my house. I often thought I could be crazy. My parents made me crazy and so being crazy might be the logical sequence of events.

I’d never felt like much. It was best not to feel. I’d graduate high school in a year and everything changed then, but it was now and feelings were rushing through me. I could feel, smell, and hear the sneer in Greg’s voice. He was exactly the boy I detested and avoided all my life, until now, and I couldn’t get him out of my head. It was easier before we had… I had… it had happened.

How could things get so far out of control so quickly. I was letting someone else call the shots. “Eight ball, corner pocket,” I heard in Greg’s lilt. He was in control at his house and now he was in control at my house. I smelled my clothes and smelled him, his basement, the pool table. Maybe I was crazy.

I’d never let anyone jerk me around before. I wasn’t going to let him get me to do something I wasn’t ready to do. I was the model of self-control. There had never been all that much to control. I went through the motions of being alive, until… What was it he had that had my mind all a flutter?

I knew all the obvious answers but none answered the bog question. My best bet was to stay as far as way from Greg as I could get. I knew that. That wasn’t an answer to the question. It was a solution to the problem. I’d already vowed not to let him get me to do anything I wasn’t ready to do. That worked out well. I’ll just stroll on over to his house, shoot some pool, and stroll on home.

That was the plan. It was easy to follow and simple enough. Where did it go wrong? How did I end up doing the very thing I made up my mind not to do with him. I had a year of school left and another boy knew I would. That was dangerous if you planned to survive. I knew that. I’d been drawn to boys before. It had always been enough to be around them, smile, share a joke, and keep on moving. Why hadn’t I stuck to my plan and moved on? Greg was dangerous.

Greg was dangerous before he knew I would. I hadn’t done the real I would, not the big I would, but he knew I would. It was almost like he too did something he didn’t plan on doing before we ended up together on that pool table. Greg toyed with you. He was the pussy cat with the mouse trapped between his paws. He didn’t want to end the play before he got some pleasure out of it.

My mother’s car drove in the driveway. I walked into the kitchen to make sure I wasn’t in trouble with the old man before my mother arrived on the scene.

My father’s back was to me when I sat down at the table still thinking about my time with Greg.

“How’s school?”

“Fine.”

“You passing everything?”

“Yes, sir. My friend wants me to stay over this weekend. I wasn’t sure I should say it was okay.”

“What friend? Do we know him?”

My father turned to look over his shoulder at me when he asked. I never brought anyone home. They never met anyone I ran with, not that I ran with anyone in particular. They did know the parents of the boys in our neighborhood, but Greg wasn’t in our neighborhood, and I never let anyone come to my house.

“No, he’s a new kid. Colonel’s son or something. They just moved up on the pike. He went to school on the base and he doesn’t know anyone,” I said, making it up as I went along.

“I don’t see why not,” he said.

The wars between my parents and I had ended, or perhaps we called a truce, about the time I hit junior high school. One day they stopped yelling at me for being alive and I just stayed out of the line of fire when I could, out of the house when I could, and winged it the rest of the time. It wasn’t much of a plan but it was working. The battles were over.

That went well. The thought occurred to me that I was now stuck with staying at Greg’s no matter what happened. The thought both thrilled and worried me. I could always come home and say I changed my mind. I wouldn’t tell them I was home sick. They’d never buy that one.

I needed to stay away from Greg. As much as I liked him and as much as I wanted to repeat our pool table shenanigans, I suspected it would never be that easy a second time. There came a cost when you let other boys know they could get you to do stuff to them on their terms. I don’t know how I knew that but it was obvious I needed to be careful about how easily I went for his game.

Greg wanted to include me in his circle of friends. I didn’t know why. He didn’t seem like the type to let anyone get the best of him. He had requested my contact with him. He didn’t really do anything if responding isn’t anything. He had let himself get deeper into what we were doing than he intended. I was pretty sure of that but nothing else. He invited me over for his party before we played the game that afternoon. He may have changed his mind. I’d wait and see.

There had to be something I didn’t know. This was obvious to me as well. I just didn’t know how to apply the brakes and still get something out of it. Hell, I couldn’t even find the brakes once things got started. I would go to the party and avoid anyone I knew and find out what was going on without letting anyone know what was going on with me. I’d play it by ear after that.

I caught sight of Greg at school in the hall on Friday but he didn’t see me. The bottom fell out of my stomach and I wanted to rush up and say hello. Instead I slowed down so our paths wouldn’t cross. His white T-shirt was tight and he flashed a smile at a girl walking past, turning to watch her as they went in opposite directions.

I checked the mirror a dozen times before I left the house. My parents were out and I told them I would be back on Sunday. They didn’t ask me any questions and I didn’t mention it again.

I arrived for the party a little after 8 p.m. I walked up the gravel driveway and could see people through the thin white drapes on the too tall dining room windows. I entered through the kitchen and immediately saw Greg with his back turned to me. I walked past him and the corner of the table and turned to nod and to let him know I had arrived.

He only let his eyes pass over me as I moved past. His absent nod dismissed me almost immediately. I kept moving toward the living room shadows but turned to take another look at my host. He was engaged in conversation. There was a girl in the house.

The other guys were dressed like Greg, white tee-shirts or one with a logo or comment, jeans, and sneakers. Every head of hair was cut close. I’d seen such squeaky clean boys for most of my life. Their fathers were almost always military men. Discipline was the lesson of the day every day. It fit the look like cookies and cream. All the boys were thin, except for one or two who showed some sign of muscle. One or two might have been as old as Greg but they had a youthful look to them for the most part.

A half dozen or so stood around the dinning room table. There was laughter and an obvious familiarity between them. Other boys stood outside the main circle of friends and drank beer and smiled a lot. Greg was the loudest and the center of attention. Each time he spoke people responded to him with more laughter. I already realized this was a mistake. There were too many unknowns.

Greg stood at the table with a Pabst Blue Ribbon cocked in one hand. One of the boys moved and I realized there was more than Greg who interested the circle of boys. A girl at the table held her own can of Pabst. She smiled a lot, laughed at appropriate time, and Greg had her attention. Other boys moved up to the circle to find a place near the girl. She was badly out numbered but didn’t seem to mind.

She looked like a nice clean girl with a face that almost shinned from frequent scrubbings. She kept her hands folded in front of her, when she sat the beer on the table, as she giggled politely each time Greg spoke.

I wondered if that’s how I looked when I was looking at Greg. It was obvious to me she was smitten with my hero. Some random thoughts went through my mind concerning Greg and the girl and I wondered if I should go to the table to retrieve a beer from the cooler with the ice.

“Hey, Martin. Greg said you was coming.”

Alfred came from a hallway off to my left. He had a noticeable list toward his right as he closed the distance between us. He’d obviously found the cooler with the beer.

“Hey, Alfred. Anybody else we know here?” I asked, relieved that I knew someone.

“Nah. All the military dudes he hangs with. Greg said you shot some pool. He’s pretty good at it. I haven’t beat him yet.”

Alfred smiled as I cringed. He drank from his bottle of beer.

“What?”

I couldn’t hide my surprise. What had Greg said? What if Alfred knew about the pool games and the payoff? They were coming over to play the day I met over by my house. Alfred knew and he was back and so I knew. It somehow didn’t comfort me knowing Alfred probably paid up too.

“Pool! Greg said you came over to shoot pool.”

He was more insistent that we talk about it.

“Yeah, I thought that’s what you say.”

He reeked of booze and needed a shave, which was remarkable because very few of us shaved yet, and Alfred still looked twelve. He was one of the few guys I could look down at.

I walked into the unlighted living room and took a seat in a chair that faced the table and ‘the man.’ Alfred came and stood beside the chair making conversation I tried to pay attention to.

When he needed a beer he drifted away and didn’t come back. From my vantage point I was looking out of the shadows at the activities going on around the table. I’d never seen any of the military kids before and if I had I didn’t remember any of them.

They were a bit too loud for my taste. I’d never been to a drinking party before. None of them seemed too bashful about reaching for the beer. I missed Alfred once he was gone. Being the only person I knew, it was a port in a sea of unknowns.

Several times I thought I might leave, but even with Greg hanging on to some girl, I couldn’t keep from wanting to be near him as long as I could. His smile was radiant and his laughter filled the first floor of the house. Everyone stood around him, making him the center of attention, as he made eyes at the girl. I was just bored, picking up bits of information from different conversations that I listened to. None of it was coherent for long. There had to be more to the party. Where did Alfred get too?

Alfred and I were the only non-military types, and he seemed much more out of place than I felt sitting back in the shadows. The circle around the table was closed and Alfred had to reach through for his beer. He spent a lot of time doing that and he seemed to be having one hell of a good time.

Each time I saw Alfred he was getting another beer and he stood behind the circle of boys for a time and a minute or two later he wasn’t there until he was back for more beer. He’d appeared out of the hall when I first saw him, but I didn’t feel comfortable roaming around someone else’s house. I’d sit for a time and then slip out, while Greg was too busy to notice or comment.

A tall thin guy came in with two girls. They brought some more beer, some wine, and Cokes. There were some hugs, more laughter, and the din grew. At least they were happy drunks.

“What’s up, doc?” someone said from the corner of the couch.

Being absorbed by the activity around the table, I hadn’t seen anyone come in and if someone was there when I sat down, I didn’t see them.

“Remember me?” Doug said.

“Sure,” I said, remembering too well his view of me from the basement stairs.

“You come to the parties too?” I asked naively.

“If I don’t go to the mountains with my parents. I live here so I’m automatically invited to parties. He’d get rid of me if he could, but he can’t.”

“Why?” I asked, glad to have someone pay attention to me.

“I know everything,” Doug said. “Greg is a veritable treasure trove of mystery. Having a witness cramps his style. It’s my job. I don’t have a lot to do otherwise. Good thing I got a brother like him to keep me entertained.”

“Then you could make his life difficult?” I said.

“Not really. My brother’s harmless. Harmless but horny. Figuring the average male thinks about sex every eight seconds, he’s probably pretty normal, except he wants to act on the urge every eight seconds, which can’t be normal. It’s surprisingly easy for him and it requires skill if you want to stay out of trouble.”

“Every eight seconds?” I said, trying to think about it.

“Some psychologist said it on television. He seemed sure. He was a guy.”

“That can’t be right,” I said.

“I agree with you, but it’s an average. Greg probably thinks about sex every four seconds.”

“He does?”

“He must. It’s the only way it makes sense. I hardly think about it at all, so I figure he must think about it more to come up with that average.”

“I never thought about sex working that way. I don’t know much.”

“I think you’ll figure it out. Hang around here and you can’t help but learn something.”

“I just don’t know if that’s what I want.”

“Don’t look at me. I’m kept busy keeping an eye on Greg. No time to get myself into too much trouble that way, except with Greg and he gives me a lot of room.”

“Because you know everything?”

“I know enough to make him uncomfortable.”

“Every four seconds? He looks pretty harmless right now,” I thought, watching the round table activity.

“Probably not,” Doug admitted. “I just don’t think about it that much.”

“Me either,” I said.

“Someone must,” Doug calculated. “Eight seconds isn’t long.”

“No, it isn’t. I wouldn’t be able to do anything else.”

The noise around the table grew louder as people were all talking at the same time. The newest arrival was as loud as Greg, but less serious. The two girls stood behind the skinny boy and were more in the kitchen.

Greg and the skinny guy talked to each other, each trying to talk louder than the other. It had to be the beer, except the skinny kid hadn’t reached for one yet. Maybe he drank before he came to Greg’s party.

The number of boys seemed about the same. The small room was full, but no one spilled into the living room. It had to be the beer that made them so loud. This was my first beer party. Maybe it would grow on me.

I watched because I figured I’d learn something. Doug remained silent and didn’t ask me what I was looking at, but he was looking at the same thing when I checked. Maybe that’s how he learned about what guys think about?

I figured I’d slip out after a while. I’d tell my parents I decided to come home instead of staying over. They’d probably be out. In that case I wouldn’t say anything. I’d be there in the morning and they’d think nothing of it.

I could wait to miss the next one of Greg’s parties. I didn’t get the point. It was early and I was sober. Maybe if I drank it would make more sense. Drinking was another thing I didn’t think about very much. I had enough trouble dealing with the weirdness of life when I was sober.

If this is what I’d been missing, I hadn’t missed much.

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