Searching for Him

Chapter 9

The following day while Andrew was on a guided tour of San Francisco I met the brother who was replacing Brother Walter. Brother Matthias was a younger, bearded man who was noticeably nervous during our meeting. He was businesslike and pleasant. Since Brother Walter died my dealings had been by telegraph so this was the first time I met my new contact. The wine was still flowing to England through Portugal. I decided the Portuguese transit operation had become unnecessary. Arthur had identified several bottlers interested in our product before I left for the states. Our partner in Portugal was getting more and more greedy. His charges were consistently getting higher. He told us the Bishop was demanding more and more wine which I didn’t believe.

I explained to Brother Matthias that I wanted the shipments sent directly to Liverpool. I would make an allocation to the Anglican Bishop of Liverpool. He was concerned that if we changed the shipping process, the U.S. agents would become suspicious. I agreed we had to be careful. Before he died Walter informed me who in San Francisco needed to be accommodated to keep the shipments moving. Brother Matthias had the same information. I invited him to come to England to see how well things were going. We were a large revenue source for the brothers so I thought he might be interested, but he wasn’t.

When I returned to the Fairmount I found Andrew in the lobby talking to another young Asian man who was slightly taller but equally handsome. They were both fashionably dressed and neither raised their eyes when I approached. I said, “Hello, Andrew,” thinking that would lead to an introduction. After moments Andrew turned, “Uncle Michael, this is Harold Lee. We met while I was having coffee after my tour. He goes to Stanford University in Palo Alto. Harold extended his hand toward me. I accepted his hand. “His parents are like mine.”

“Andrew, what do you mean?”

“I mean his dad is Chinese and mom was a white person.”

“That’s nice. So what are you boys planning to do?”

“Harold wants me to go with him to Chinatown for lunch. I waited for you to return to make sure it was alright.”

“It is alright but be careful. I’m told there are many pick pockets in the crowded streets.” They walked away from me with Harold’s hand on Andrew’s shoulder. They could have been brothers they looked so much alike. I decided to telephone Jordan to see if he might be free for lunch. He was and agreed to meet me at his club near Union Square.

We were seated and I looked around. The décor was like that of my club in London. Jordan said, “Michael, are you seeing anyone these days?”

Since this was the first time he and I had been alone away from Heloise and his children I assumed he meant men. “Unfortunately, not. My personal relationship with Arthur ended badly last winter. I planned for us to be together forever but he didn’t see it that way. He found a younger partner who he seems to be totally devoted to. Truthfully, I never felt he thought we would be together forever. I tried to convince myself it might happen. I made him a wealthy young man.”

“How did you do that? I remember Arthur as that extremely handsome young man that was a friend of your Brother Walter, correct?”

“You’re correct. Arthur left with me intending to go to Harvard but I convinced him to come to England for his education. I didn’t have to try very hard. We started our physical relationship on the trip and have been together for the last eight years. He was instrumental in the success of the wine business. He has an astute financial mind.”

“What happened?”

“I suppose I should have seen it coming but I was too busy and too happy. Arthur was a compliant and ready partner. He didn’t hesitate accompanying me at official functions. He was the perfect host when we moved to our new flat in Kensington. Intimately he was willing and able for anything except group sex. That only happened once with Brother Walter.”

“The priest?”

“Walter was a Christian Brother but he wasn’t a saint. He had an insatiable sexual appetite. Anyway, that is the only kind of sexual activity Arthur did not condone.”

“So what happened?”

“One evening I returned from a wine tasting soiree. I had invited Arthur to attend but he declined. I thought that it was unusual since he usually loved to be the center of attention at such events. When I returned to the flat I entered and hung up my coat. I was going to the toilet and noticed our bedroom door wide open. Arthur was in bed on top of another fellow whose feet were in the air. Andrew had to know I was there but he kept going. I loudly closed the bathroom door thinking he would come running. He did not. It was five or ten minutes before he emerged holding the hand of a well-built young man about his age. They didn’t seem to be the least bit ashamed of their nakedness.”

“That was rather bold considering all you had done for him.”

“I was shocked to say the least. He is a wealthy young man because of American wine. I don’t begrudge Arthur the money. I let myself become too comfortable with our relationship. I presumed it would go on forever. I was mad at myself more than Arthur.”

“Did he give you any explanation?”

“Yes, after Andrew introduced his friend he said the fellow was a ‘university colleague’. Arthur sat down and pulled his friend down beside him. He told me he and Bart, I think that was his name, had decided to move in together. He admitted they had had a long term relationship at Cambridge and had decided to make it permanent. I was in shock but remained calm. He went on to tell me how special I was to him and how he wanted to remain friends. He, also, told me he would be happy if I permitted him to stay engaged in the wine import business. I told him I would have to think about it.”

“Oh my god, I would have been screaming at him.”

“I didn’t even think of that. You know me, old steady, stiff upper lip Michael. But inside I was crest fallen. My whole world revolved around what Arthur and I were doing. I sat in the dark totally dejected and depressed. By morning I had rationalized the situation and decided that I would sell the Kensington flat and move back to my old flat. After breakfast the two of them dressed and left on Arthur’s motorcycle.

“Did you ever talk to Arthur? Was he sorry?”

“Oh, yes, we talked. He explained that he loved Bart so much. He kept saying ‘but I love you, Michael, in a different way’. I listened. He had fallen for someone his own age. I told him, I wanted him to continue to run the wine import business. I was actually tired of the business. It required so much socializing. Arthur did that so well. When I told him I was going to sell the Kensington flat he protested and insisted that he and Bart would buy it if I would finance it.”

“Could two young guys afford a flat in Kensington?”Jordan questioned.

“That was my concern. I knew what Arthur was earning. I asked what Bart did and Arthur told me he was reading for the law and hoped to become a barrister. I honestly couldn’t see any income from Bart for some time. I wanted Arthur to be happy. I agreed to rent them the flat for a couple of years and then we would discuss purchase.”

After our soup was served Jordan interjected, “And I presume you set the rent low?”

“You know me too well. Yes, it was less than it was worth and Arthur knew that. As I said, I was tired of the wine business and I wanted Arthur to continue working for me. This trip to San Francisco is my last regarding details of the wine business unless Arthur needs me. We have had no trouble from the authorities and every day that passes I feel this prohibition is going to go away. From what I read agents are enforcing prohibition laws less and less frequently, especially in the major cities.”

When our plates were cleared I said, “Jordan, does Heloise provide all you need? I remember the old days.”

He laughed, “Almost all. Every now and then I rent a hotel room and find a willing boy that I pay for. After I’ve had sex I feel so guilty. Heloise is a compassionate, caring person who really loves me. She is a willing, loving sex mate, as well. I love our kids. Hopefully, you and Andrew can come over one more time before you leave.”

“Andrew is out with a new Asian friend. They went to Chinatown for lunch. I suspect they will be in our suite when I return.”

“My oldest, Carlton, can’t stop talking about his cousin, Andrew. Let’s confirm dinner at our house for Sunday evening. Let’s make it formal like the old days.”

“We will be there. I may have to buy Andrew evening wear. But he will need it in England if he doesn’t already have it.” Being with Jordan made me happy. He seemed so in love with Heloise and his kids. I wished I had the same kind of a relationship with a man. That didn’t seem like it would ever happen. Outside on the street Jordan gave me a hug which never would have happened in London. I genuinely liked the feeling of my friend’s affection. I knew he cared for me. We agreed that Arthur and I would appear for dinner on Sunday evening around seven.

When I returned to our suite I expected to find Harold with Andrew. They were quietly playing checkers on the sofa with their shoes off. I was greeted with “How was your lunch? Harold knew the best place. He ordered everything and each dish was better than the one before.”

“Maybe you can take me there. Was the food very spicy?” I said.

“Harold ordered it medium but it was pretty spicy.”

“Do you like spicy, Mr. Walker?” Harold asked sweetly.

“A little spicy is fine. My stomach doesn’t like too spicy.”

Andrew said, “Uncle Michael, is it alright if Harold stays overnight? He said he knows his parents won’t care. His father is staying at a hotel near Chinatown.”

Andrew’s statement perplexed me but I waited to see what Harold said. “No, he doesn’t care.” I wondered what kind of parents wouldn’t care.

“Did you have enough money for your lunch?”

“Plenty for both Harold and me.” I was suspicious but didn’t let Andrew know I thought Harold might be a street boy. But the boy was too well dressed and too refined.

I said, “There are two beds in your room so Harold staying over is fine with me.” I noticed when they smiled at each other. I added. “If you want to sleep together that’s fine.”

Andrew said to Harold, “See I told you he wouldn’t care. Can we order room service for dinner?”

Before I answered I said, “Andrew, do you have evening wear?”

“What’s that?”

Harold answered and I was more surprised, “That’s a tuxedo with starched collar and bow tie.”

“Why, do I need it?” Andrew said.

“We are going to Jordan’s house Sunday night for a formal dinner. If you don’t have one we will need to buy you one.”

Harold interjected, “Mr. Walker, let me take Andrew to my uncle who is a tailor. He can make Andrew the best tuxedo quickly.”

“OK, that we’ll do tomorrow.” I handed the boys the room service menu. After they made their selections I called the operator with the order. Finishing I turned and said “Excuse me while I get more comfortable.”

When I returned the boys had their shirts off. Their chests were identically soft, brown in stark contrast to their black hair. The same black hair was visible under their arms.

I sat pretending to read the paper watching the boys. Arthur said “We like to play checkers but we don’t want one of us to be a loser.”

I laughed, “Neither of you will be a loser.”

Seriously Andrew said, “Uncle Michael, do we have to stay overnight at Jordan’s house Sunday night?”

“I don’t think we are invited but why do you ask?”

“Well, their son, Carlton, almost had my clothes off of me one night when we were staying with them. He’s my cousin so I didn’t want to be rude. He is too young to be playing with my willie.”

Seeing he wasn’t the least bit shy speaking in front of Harold I said, “And when did you start playing around with his willie?”

“That’s not it. He showed me his willie and it was really long.” There was a knock at the door. Andrew answered and the food was wheeled into our suite. Once the table was set the attendant backed out. I decided to serve the boys a small glass of the wine I brought back from the winery. I wanted to keep this discussion going.

Andrew searched the bathrooms for glasses for our wine. I poured about a third of a glass for each boy. Harold said, “Enough, wine sometimes makes me feel ill.” I knew that was not the case with Andrew since I had seen him consume wine at Gran’s celebration.

We ate quietly as I tried to figure Harold out. I asked, “Harold, are you in school?”

“Yes, sir. I graduated from the Cathedral School. I finished my first year at Stanford but my father is allowing me to take a year off to visit other parts of the world.”

I thought immediately about Arthur who also graduated from the Cathedral School. I said, “What business is your father in? I hope you don’t think I am being nosy.” Arthur was about the same age as Harold and Andrew when I first met him. I put that thought aside and focused on the boys before me.

Harold seemed puzzled as I could tell from his facial expression, “That’s OK. But I really don’t know. I know we have plenty of money.”

“What about your mother?”

“She died shortly after I was born. When I’m not at school I live with my father’s mother who lives here in San Francisco.”

I was curious and knew I was bordering on being rude but said, “Excuse me for asking but you aren’t totally Chinese are you?”

Andrew snapped, “Michael, I told you.”

Harold didn’t react and said, “To tell you the truth one day I asked my grandmother why my skin was lighter and my eyes less slanted than hers. She told me my mother was a white Spanish woman. That’s all she said. I suspect my mother was one of my father’s mistresses.”

“I see.”

Andrew said, “That’s what I said earlier, he is like me. My friends in Colorado never said anything but I always felt they thought I was different.”

I said, “Let’s finish the first part of the conversation. Relax we will not be staying overnight at Jordan’s Sunday night. I suggest that you be polite and don’t let your cousin drag you into anything you’re not comfortable with.”

“Can I invite Harold to come along?”

“As I said it is formal.”

“Oh, I have a tuxedo. Father requires me to wear it when I go with him to business meetings.”

“I’ll call Jordan tomorrow to see if it is OK.” I got up and called for the attendant to collect the dirty dishes. The boys returned to their checker game. I told them to let the attendant in when he knocked and excused myself.

In the morning I had breakfast delivered along with the San Francisco Chronicle. I enjoyed the quiet and didn’t disturb the boys until 10am. I knocked softly on their door. I heard, “Come in.” I opened the door and found them together in the same bed.

Two unruly heads looked at me from under the sheets. “Boys we need to get on our way to the tailor shop. Do you want me to order breakfast?”

“OK,” was the joint reply. “Tea for me,” came from Harold. I knew Andrew wanted coffee. I closed their door.

When the breakfast arrived both boys joined me at the table each wearing a towel around their waist and a tee shirt . “Did you boys sleep well?”

Smiling Andrew said, “We played checkers late and finally got in bed about twelve.”

Teasing I followed, “And?”

Harold smiled, “We got to know each other better.” The banter continued until I insisted they get dressed so we could go. Harold led us back to Chinatown to a second floor shop where we met an old man who Harold greeted “Jiùjiu”. Andrew and I stood watching and waiting. Harold spoke to the man in Chinese. The old man responded and he and Harold continued their conversation. Finally, Harold turned and said, “My uncle wants you to undress to your underwear so he can measure you. You can leave you socks and shoes on.” Andrew did as he was instructed. Harold said, “My grandmother lives close by. I will get my tuxedo because jiùjiu thinks he may need to alter it. Harold left Andrew and me. The old man measured and muttered without writing anything down. His toothless smile told us when he was finished. We stood nervously quiet. Harold returned with his suit on a hanger. He undressed and put on his trousers and jacket. His jiùjiu pulled, looked and didn’t say a word until Harold was dressed. Harold said, “He wants to make me a new one.”

“When will it be ready?”

“We need to return tomorrow for a fitting. Should be ready Saturday morning. I told him we needed it quickly.”

Sunday evening as we walked through the Fairmount lobby, I could feel the adoring eyes on the two extremely dashing young Asian men with me. We got into our taxi and were off to Jordan’s. We were not the only guests. There were several other couples who were Heloise’s relatives plus several younger children. Carlton, Jordan’s oldest, kept his distance when he realized Andrew brought a guest. We said our “Goodbyes” at ten. I told Jordan we were going to be leaving on Tuesday. He would have liked to see us off but had rehearsals and meetings all day.

The following morning Andrew and Harold were dressed and on their way out by 10am. I didn’t ask nor did they tell me where they were going. I wasn’t worried since this was Harold’s city. About cocktail time I dressed and was ready to go to the hotel bar to hopefully find companionship because the boys had not returned. As I was tying my tie the telephone rang. With both ends of my tie dangling I answered the phone. The voice on the other end was Harold. “Mr. Walker, my father would like to speak to you.”

I recognized Harold’s voice and said, “Fine.”

The voice on the phone said, “Hello, Mr. Walker, I am Chang Lee, Harold’s father. Nice to speak to you.”

“Nice to speak with you, Mr. Lee. Your son is a polite young man.”

“Aw, you must be an Englishman. I can tell by your accent. I am calling at the request of your nephew and my son. They tell me that you are leaving soon for Europe.”

“That is correct, by way of New York.”

“Would you allow Harold to accompany you and your nephew? I would appreciate it very much. I will make sure Harold has all the money he needs so he will not be a burden.” When I didn’t respond immediately, he said, “Harold is a good boy and very smart. He graduated at the top of his class at the Cathedral School.”

“I would be happy to have him join us. He and Andrew have become such good friends.” I paused, “I would like you to write a letter giving me permission to arrange care for him if he was to become ill.”

“That I can do without question. He tells me he may be gone for a long time. That is OK. If he is a problem you send him home.”

I remembered how Arthur and I started. I was nervous about the similarity. Arthur had graduated near the top of his class at the Cathedral School. He got on the train with me on his way to Harvard and ended up at Cambridge. Now I have two boys. I said, “Mr. Lee, what if Harold decides to go to university in England?”

“That is fine by me. He knows he has to return to take over my business but that is several years from now.”

“Well, we leave tomorrow and I am assuming he doesn’t have immigration papers. When you bring him tomorrow please bring his birth certificate. When we get to New York I will get papers for him and Andrew. Come to the Fairmount and we will leave together for the train station.”

“I will bring the papers. I will drive you to the station.”

At promptly 10am Andrew and I had a bellman take our luggage to the lobby as we gathered up our few last items. When we entered the lobby, four Asian men were waiting including Harold. He said, “Mr. Walker, this is my father, Chang Lee, and his associates.”

I smiled, “A pleasure to meet you.” I gazed at the two men called associates. They were burly Asian guys who didn’t smile. We exited by way of a side entrance and got into Mr. Lee’s silver Duisenberg. Our luggage and the associates rode behind in a black Buick. At the train station there were formal ‘Goodbyes’ but no show of affection between Harold and his father. We boarded our railcar with two suites similar but newer than the one Arthur and I shared sixteen years ago. The difference this time was our suite had two bedrooms. The car was modern with conditioned air. That was the beginning of three weeks of travel. We toured New York City for two days. On the third day the boys went to the Metropolitan Museum. I spent a full morning at the immigration office getting the boys’ papers ready before boarding the SS President Roosevelt for the trans-Atlantic crossing. We were met in our suite by our English butler. I thought it was funny having an English butler on an American ship.

That night when we entered the first class dining room with the boys dressed formally, all table conversation paused. The patron’s eyes were fixed on my handsome young companions. Immediately after dinner in the smoking lounge I entertained multiple invitations to sit at different distinguished tables. On the deck the following morning the older women gushed to me about the boys. The British matrons were anxious for the boys to meet granddaughters and nieces when we arrived in England. The boys were polite. They gave no indication that they had any interest.

I spent my time explaining that I was the boys’ guardian and mentor. I didn’t like the terms but couldn’t think of anything better. When we were alone in our stateroom the boys were comfortable whether we were dressed or undressed. On several occasions they both would get in bed with me and put their heads on my hairy chest and stroke me. Without provocation they would bring me to climax as a way of saying “Thank you.” They loved me and I adored them.

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