Searching for Him

Chapter 3

Thursday, July 28, 1894 – The train is finally pulling away. Lewis kindly sent his private railcar, The Rocky Mountaineer, to be at our disposal. The heat is dreadfully uncomfortable. The railcar builder was able to put a column of ice blocks in front of fans to make the parlor bearable. The boys are quietly playing checkers, as usual. I was relieved that we were able to get an appointment with the Dr. Bates at Northwestern. He concurred with the hotel doctor that Robbie had diabetes. He assured us that diabetes can be managed with careful attention to Robbie’s diet. He recommended that Robbie eat meat and vegetables and refrain from breads and sweets. That means Robbie has to forgo some of his favorite foods. He took the news well and starting last Friday Michael and I joined him in his new diet. I can already see a difference. I am still concerned about the wound on Robbie’s leg.

I cabled Lewis telling him the result of the visit with the doctor. He sent me a cable telling me he had arranged for Robbie to see a doctor in Colorado Springs at St. Francis Hospital. The doctor has had success using silver powder to heal wounds. I am skeptical and think it’s ironic that the silver mining capital would find a medicinal use for silver.

Like Gran I remember being so happy that we were finally on the train for the trip to Colorado. I have to admit that our art and art history tutoring in Chicago was quite fascinating. What we learned made me want to go to Paris to see more impressionism when I return to England. Our tutor, Mrs. Spivak, also showed us many interesting pieces by an American sculptor named Frederic Remington. His art depicted characters like cowboys on horses and Indians. I persuaded Gran to buy several pieces for me to take back to England. She didn’t like Remington’s work as much as I did but she did agree to buy one entitled “Cowboys” and another called “Indian Scout.” We had them shipped to England because they were too heavy to carry.

Cowboys by Frederic Remington Indian Scout by Frederic Remington

Robbie seemed to be improving but I hate that all we can eat is meat, cheese and vegetables. Gran said if Robbie can’t have sweets then she and I shouldn’t have sweets. As we started out of Chicago we watched the city neighborhoods pass by our window before we started across the great plains of Illinois, Iowa and Nebraska. Gran gave Robbie and me permission to wear only our short pants when we are in our room playing checkers. Our room was uncomfortably hot. Robbie and I frequently joined Gran in the parlor where the air was cooler. We didn’t want to open the windows and let the smoke from the engine come into our compartment. Meals are different because we were joined by Gran’s maid, Hilda. I know that would never happen if we were in England. Our cook, Ian, is also our server and our butler. He is friendly to the point that I feel Gran is uncomfortable. Things are so much more casual in America.

Rain fell our first night cooling the air so we could sleep comfortably. Robbie and I slipped into our berths and quickly shed our pajamas. Ian didn’t seem to notice that we were naked when he came to wake us in the morning. He told us that breakfast would be ready in thirty minutes. As soon as he left, Robbie slipped into my berth and took my willie in his hand. I knew he was getting better. He helped me and I helped him get to a quiver. That morning something different happened. When he started to quiver some watery liquid came out of his willie. I was shocked and so was he. He told me that his cousin told him that would happen when he got older. I wondered when it would happen to me.

We washed, brushed our teeth and put on our sailor outfits that the butler had laid out. We arrived in Hesston, Kansas about three in the afternoon. Our car was moved onto a siding to wait for the next train that was going to Colorado Springs since our train was going to Denver. Our next train was due in two hours so we stayed on board. The station master approached our coach at approximately four to inform the butler that there had been a derailment and the train we were waiting for would be delayed by at least a day. Gran was irritated as I could see from her facial expression and exaggerated moment.

Lodgings in Hesston, Kansas

Sunday, July 31, 1894 – I refused to stay in the facility they called a hotel and demanded that the station master find us suitable accommodations. He was away for several hours before returning with a man wearing a dirty frock coat and dusty top hat. The man informed us that we were invited to stay at the home of his mother and sister. While I didn’t much like the looks of the man, I decided to send Ian to look into the man’s offer. Ian returned and told us that the house was neat and the women polite. He said he would stay with the coach because he did not feel the community was completely safe. Hilda stayed with us.

A very basic livery took us to our accommodations. We were warmly greeted by the man’s mother. She and her daughter treated us to a hearty meal that was exactly what the doctor thought Robbie should be eating. What was most pleasant was the bath we were afforded. I was surprised to find a bathtub where water could be drawn from a faucet. I could finally feel clean again. I insisted that the boys bath as well.

As Gran’s day book entry suggested the bath was nice. Since Ian wasn’t with us we had to prepare ourselves with Gran’s instruction. She told us to undress in front of her. I was completely unprepared for her to see me naked. She sensed my discomfort but insisted that Robbie and I get in the tub as she filled the water for us. She was most concerned that we not let Robbie’s wound get wet. We accomplished that. When I saw Robbie’s willie stiffen I knew I would soon be in the same situation. I am sure Gran noticed but she didn’t seem to be bothered.

She let us to dry ourselves and get into our pajamas. Once in the bed Robbie and I stripped them off. I asked Robbie if he wanted to quiver and he did. I wanted to see if more white liquid came out of his willie. As I rubbed him he seemed more excited than usual as we both waited for him to quiver and shoot. He and I were surprised again as the white liquid squirted out of his willie. We both laughed. I surprised myself as I took my hand to my mouth and licked his juice. He seemed shocked and asked how it tasted. I said, “Sticky and salty. Do you want to taste it?”

He scrunched up his face before grabbing my hand to take a lick. “OK, I guess. Do you want to do that again in the morning?”

“Sure, but let’s get to sleep. I don’t know how early we have to leave.” We had plenty of time because Hilda didn’t knock on our door until 8:30. She didn’t enter. She announced that breakfast would be ready soon. We dressed in the same clothes we arrived in and joined Gran and the woman and her daughter in the dining room. There was no server so we helped ourselves to eggs, bacon and toast with butter and jelly. Robbie did not eat the toast but ate two helpings of eggs. During breakfast Ian knocked on the front door. When he entered the room he stood before Gran to announce that the derailment still blocked the tracks from the east so we would be delayed further. Gran was upset and almost angry. She almost spat at Ian, “Tell the station master I will be around shortly to discuss our options.” Ian turned and left.

Wednesday, August 3, 1894 - I rarely miss a day writing but the events of the last few days have prevented me. I surprised myself at my behavior on Monday but I needed to take drastic measures to get myself and the boys out of this miserable little Kansas hamlet. It was hot, dusty and if it hadn’t been for Mrs. Grover and her daughter, Sarah, I would have gone crazy. On Monday I visited the Station Master who was a grubby little man with a bushy mustache and scruffy unshaven face. His uniform was unwashed and he had an unpleasant smell about him. I told him he had to do something. He shuffled his feet and said there was nothing he could do.

As I left the station I noticed that there was a freight train parked and obviously blocked from its route east by the derailment. I went back into the station and asked where the train crew was. The station master suggested they were at the hotel or in the saloon. With Ian and the boys trailing behind me I went first to the hotel and did not find the crew. I ordered Ian into the saloon in hopes of locating the conductor. He was gone for what I thought was too long. He did return with a grubby fellow in stained overalls.

As I reflect back, I am surprised at myself. I told the man I wanted to have his locomotive to take us to Colorado. His facial expression told me he couldn’t believe what I said. He politely said, “No Ma’am, the engine ain’t going to Colorado. We’re going to Kansas City when the track is clear.” I was in no mood to argue with the man. I told him to get his crew out of the saloon because I would pay each man $10 to hook our car to his train and take us to Colorado Springs. I said he could be back in plenty of time for his run to Kansas City. The offer of money got his attention. He said, “The company will fire me, for sure.”

I said, “Wire them and tell them I will pay for the coal, too. You’re stuck here so why not make some money. Tell the railroad we have a sick boy that needs to get to the hospital in Colorado Springs.” That was a fabrication but I was determined. The conductor went back into the saloon to talk to his crew. When he returned he said they would do it if the company agreed. He walked ahead to the station to wire his dispatcher. We walked back to our car in the stifling heat to find Hilda sitting in the shade of the car. She said it was too hot inside since the ice had all melted and there was no electricity to run the fans.

The conductor walked toward us and said, “Ma’am, the company said we could take you to the junction in Colby where you can connect to the train to Colorado Springs. They said it would be $100 for fuel. The only problem is the engine cannot be turned around so we will drive in reverse pulling the freight cars and your car in the rear.” I told him to get his crew. It took about two hours to get the engine fired up, connect Lewis’s car to the freight cars and get the engine in the front. Finally, we were underway and the fans started to work again.

We made it to Colby by late afternoon in time to catch the 6:00pm train to Colorado Springs. From Colby, I had the station master wire Lewis to announce our arrival. He and the boys were there to meet us and take us to the glorious new Antlers Hotel.

Gran’s day book entry does not remotely suggest the amount of tension that we felt the day she commandeered the locomotive. She was a more determined person than I had ever seen before that day. Once Mr. Brown’s railcar was connected we were on our way.

Railway station in Hesston, Kansas

All of us were relieved to get to the Antlers Hotel. It was grander than anything we had seen in Chicago. When we arrived Leif, Jordan and Mr. Brown had ridden from their ranch on their horses. Their clothes were completely different from what they wore in Chicago. Robbie got to see real cowboys and the best part was that we knew them.

Mr. Brown, who we now called Lewis, had arranged for a suite of rooms at the Antlers. He indicated that he was taking Robbie straight away to St. Francis Hospital to see the physician who would treat Robbie’s wound. Robbie was not happy that he had to go alone. Lief, Jordan, Robbie and I were to share a suite of two bedrooms with an adjoining parlor. Lewis and Gran were in another suite with adjoining rooms which I thought was unusual. I did not ask questions. It was late so we dined in our rooms.

After dinner, as we had done in Chicago, the three of us undressed. Robbie had not returned. We showered in a large enclosure where water fell from the ceiling. I enjoyed seeing Leif and Jordan naked again. They seemed to enjoy playing with my willie which got hard and stuck straight out. Jordan asked me to feel his soapy willie which I was happy to do. Like with Robbie, I began to move my hand back and forth even though he didn’t have skin hiding the end. He enjoyed what I was doing and told me to move my hand more quickly. I did and in a few minutes he closed his eyes and out came several white squirts that were much more than Robbie’s. Leif and Jordan dressed in short underpants. I liked them and hoped to get some for Robbie and me. I liked having “brothers.”

About eight o’clock Lewis returned with Robbie. I could tell Robbie had been crying because his eyes were red. We ordered a steak and beans for him. While we waited, Leif suggested we give Robbie a sponge bath since we could not get his bandage wet. Robbie stood stiffly as I undressed him. He held his underwear to cover his front until I told him we three had already showered together. He let Lief take him by the hand and led him into the bathroom where he stood in the tub. I washed him as the other boys stood quietly so as not to embarrass Robbie further. By the time I dried him, he relaxed and did not want to put his pajama pants on and preferred to wear only his pajama jacket which did not cover his willie completely.

Following breakfast the next morning we boarded the hotel’s omnibus for a ride to Manitou Springs. Leif, Jordan and Lewis followed us on horseback. I wish I could have ridden with them but they assured me I would get plenty of riding at their ranch. Lewis told us that the warm sulfur water was good for our health. Specifically, he said Robbie’s Colorado physician wanted the attendants to remove Robbie’s bandage so he could soak his leg in the warm sulfur water. Once we arrived, Gran went with one of the women attendants. We dressed in swimming costumes. I looked around for my top shirt. Leif laughed, “Americans wear pants only.” I was embarrassed but thought, how could I know? The springs had several different pools of different temperatures. We splashed in the bigger pool while Lewis, Gran and Robbie were in another smaller, hotter pool.

I had not seen Robbie’s wound in about a week and was pleased that the wound seemed smaller and less red. I was hopeful that the treatment yesterday and the soaking today would speed his recovery. I knew he would want to ride horses with us when we got to the ranch. We stayed quite a while before dressing and having lunch.

Postcard of Antlers Hotel in Colorado Springs

Lewis said we were staying one more night at the Antlers before travelling to their ranch which was about twenty miles north. He said we would take a shuttle train and he, Lief and Jordan would ride and meet us when the train arrived. Leif asked if we could walk around downtown Colorado Springs.

His father seemed hesitant, finally gave his permission, but told us to be careful. The four of us walked through town and saw plenty of cowboys with their horses. We saw a group of men in grubby overalls in front of a tiny office. Leif said that was the assay office where men brought their silver to be weighed and bought. We passed several saloons with swinging wooden half doors. We could hear piano music and noise but knew we were not to go inside. At the train depot we turned around and started back. Robbie seemed to be fine and was in a better mood than he had been in some time.

The four of us ate dinner in the elegant dining room but did not see Lewis and Gran. Hilda told us that they were eating in their suite. Her tone told me she didn’t approve. I asked her what had happened to Ian. She told us Ian was with Lewis’s railcar in Denver for some maintenance before our trip back to Chicago. I asked, “When are we going back?”

“Not soon, I suspect.” Her tone was almost sarcastic. I was puzzled.

Lewis and his boys rode out early in the morning. They planned to meet our train at a whistle stop near their ranch. We boarded the hotel omnibus for the short ride to the train station. Hilda arranged for the luggage to be boarded by two porters. The train was only two cars pulled by a short engine. Gran informed the conductor that we needed to have the engineer stop at the Collersville station which was not a regular stop. He indicated that would not be a problem.

On the left side of the train we could see the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. As we left the station the conductor pointed out Pikes Peak. In about one hour we pulled to a stop. We stepped off the train onto a small platform with no station house around. Lewis was waiting with a carriage and a buckboard to take the luggage. He indicated that the boys were helping ‘cut some cattle.’ I wondered if that hurt the cattle but I didn’t want to seem stupid so I didn’t ask what cutting meant.

The scenery was green and brown weeds, with an occasional tree. We bumped along the dusty road for about thirty minutes before pulling up in front of a massive log house with a front porch all across the front. We were greeted by a man in a tall crowned hat with Indian braids coming down both sides of his head. He was flanked by two women in full skirts and multi-colored shawls. They smiled as we approached. Lewis did introductions, “Mrs. Walker, Robert and Michael let me introduce James Greengrass who manages our house with the help of Mrs. Greengrass or Naomi as we call her. Our cook, Mrs. Broken Wing, is called Betty. Please feel free to use their short names. They are happy to help. Hilda stood behind us waiting for Gran to say something. Gran said, “We are pleased to meet you. She did not introduce Hilda which I thought was rude.”

Robbie and I were in a bedroom next to Leif and Jordan’s room. Unlike the hotel there was no bathroom between our rooms. My question about that was answered as Lewis showed us a small building outside where you did your personal business. There were three toilets with water boxes overhead sitting along one wall. I correctly assumed the room was for only men and boys. Through a door was a room with a washing tub with a large wood burning stove which was used to heat the water. There were hooks for ranch work clothes. Lewis explained that after working with the cattle and doing chores it was better to take clothes off in the washroom to keep the dirt out of the house. It made sense to me. I assumed the women used a toilet in the house but that was not shown to us. When we were ready to return to the house Lief and Jordan joined us wearing their cowboy clothes. Both Robbie and I looked at these amazing looking guys. Lief said, “Go get dressed we’re going to ride up into the hills.”

Leif (L) and Jordan (R)

We went back to our room and found two large boxes labeled Marshall Field & Co. Gran and Lewis encouraged us to open the boxes. I carefully opened the box flaps and pushed back the wrapping paper. Inside was a cowboy shirt, leather chaps, boots and a cowboy hat. Robbie’s box held the same except his shirt was red and mine was blue and white. Gran said, “What do you think?”

“Can we put them on now?”

“Yes, and when you are ready join Lewis and me in the great room with the fireplace.”

Lewis asked, “Do you boys know how to ride a horse?”

“Yes, sir. We ride at home in Devon. Our saddles look different than the saddles I have seen here.”

“Yes, ours are called western saddles which are more for working. I think your saddles are more for riding and jumping. When you’re ready Jordan has saddled the two horses selected for you to ride. Robbie, I want to make sure your bandage doesn’t rub against your chaps.” We joined Jordan outside where two spotted horses of moderate size waited for us. I stood on a box and put my left boot into the stirrup and pushed myself up into the saddle. It felt quite strange with the large saddle horn between my legs. Lewis carefully lifted Robbie into his saddle. We walked around with Jordan holding my horse and Lewis holding onto Robbie’s. Feeling comfortable Jordan let go of the halter and I was in control. We waited for Jordan to mount and lead us onto the rocky path up toward the foothills. Lewis followed us but we still hadn’t seen Leif. The ride was peaceful and quiet as we traversed the hillside to reach an overlook that gave us a majestic view of the ranch and all its outbuildings. Jordan said, “What do you think?”

Robbie said, “It’s beautiful and so peaceful.”

“Too peaceful sometimes so for me. Leif likes it more than me. He wants to be a rancher when he finishes school.”

“What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know. Maybe become a teacher.”

I boldly asked, “Where does your mother live?”

“She lives in Denver. She and my dad got a divorce a couple of years ago. I think my dad has something going with your grandmother.”

“What do you mean?”

“They seem to be spending a lot to time together, don’t you think.” I did notice but tried to put that thought out of my mind.

Robbie said, “I saw him holding her hand as they were sitting in front of the fireplace.”

“Do you think it had anything to do with grandfather leaving to return to England?”

“Could be,” said Robbie.” Can we go back? I am getting tired and I don’t want to hurt my leg. Let’s ride again tomorrow.”

“Back we go. We will go to my special place tomorrow.”

As things turned out the following day was beautifully sunny. When a horseback ride was suggested Robbie said he preferred to stay at the ranch. That way I could be with Jordan all by myself. Betty had packed us a lunch which Jordan put in his saddle bag. We rode off in the same direction we had ridden yesterday. We rode quietly for more than an hour until we rode into a grove of trees. Jordan dismounted and held my horse as I got down. He said, “Let’s tie the horses and walk up the valley. He threw the saddle bag over his shoulder and put a blanket under his arm. I offered to carry something but he said he was OK. About fifteen minutes later we came to an opening with a pool of sparkling water perhaps fifteen feet across. The water was clear but there wasn’t a stream flowing into or out. Jordan must have noticed my puzzled look because he said, “It’s a spring. Let’s have our lunch here. Do you want to swim with me? That’s what I do when I come here.”

“I don’t mind. I like looking at your body. I wish I looked as good as you.”

“You will, don’t worry.” As he lay out the blanket I was aware of flies buzzing around. I brushed them away as I started to pull off my boots. I undressed down to my underwear and hat and waited for Jordan to get undressed. He surprised me by reaching over and pulling my underpants off. I could see he was already hard so I patted the front of his underpants. He pulled me down on top of him. He laid my head on his shoulder which I really liked. I couldn’t believe this handsome guy had any interest in a kid like me.

Jordan said, “Do you mind if I kiss you on the lips?”

“I think I would like that.” To which he leaned over and kissed me with his tongue entering my mouth. I thought it was wonderful. He began to kiss me on my chest and slowly moved down my body. Without me realizing it, he had my willie in his mouth. The feeling was awesome. He sucked on it and I soon felt that I was about to quiver. I held my breath for the best quiver I had ever had. He returned to kiss me again.

“Would you suck me?” Jordan asked shyly.

“Sure, I want to do for you what you did for me.”

I instinctively kissed his chest and gently took his nipple into my mouth and played with it with my teeth. He was thrashing around as I let my tongue go into his belly button. I followed the light trail of hair to the mound of hair around his willie. I licked the tip and he shook. Slowly I put my mouth over the tip which was already slippery. I could tell me liked what I was doing. I started to go up and down on his shaft. Not three minutes later Jordan said, “Here it comes.” I waited with my mouth around his willie and felt his warmth fill my mouth. I didn’t know whether to spit it out or shallow it. I decided to swallow it but there was a lot and it took me a few swallows to get it down. He was softening as I lay my head on his shoulder and he kissed me. I am sure he tasted his juice. He just smiled and said, “Whoa.”

Jordan and Michael swimming

We stayed naked and ate our lunch. When we finished we jumped in the pool. The water was cold so we got out quickly and returned to our blanket. Jordan wanted to do the same thing we had done before to each other before we got dressed for the ride back.

We agreed we wouldn’t say anything about our picnic. Jordan and I quietly agreed we would meet in the toilet and sit together and perhaps help each other bath. That did happen on a couple of occasions but usually with Robbie lingering nearby.

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