“So, what do you think?” Rafael asked as he closed the bedroom door behind him.
Jeremy sat down on the edge of the king-size bed and took a deep breath before replying. “Alistair is the most amazing man. He’s so handsome and cool and…He’s so nice.”
“Yes, he is,” Rafael said as he set their two suitcases on the bed. “Was he what you were expecting?”
“Yes and no,” Jeremy replied. “I mean, yeah, he’s like this magnificent, god-like man and then he’s just so friendly and cool and relaxed. He’s even more beautiful in person than in his pictures. I can’t believe he’s thirty-nine. He’s…I can see why you’re in love with him. I bet he really is just the most wonderful man in the world when he’s in bed.”
Rafael nodded as he opened his suitcase. Jeremy stood up and walked to the end of the bed to do the same. As Rafael removed his dance things, he asked, “So, are you feeling better about dancing for Alistair now?”
Jeremy nodded and smiled, replying, “Yeah. He’s not scary or anything. I can go down there and really show him what I can do without feeling so nervous.”
“I knew that once you met him, you’d realize you don’t have anything to worry about,” Rafael declared as he slipped his sandals off. “You’re going to be just fine.”
However, as Jeremy slipped off his boat shoes and took off his socks, the teenager asked in a carefully controlled voice, “So, how was your drive with Conrad?”
“Oh, Rafael…” the boy began with a dreamy smile. “Conrad is the most wonderful man in the world.”
“I thought Alistair was,” Rafael replied, looking away from the younger boy as he pulled his shirt off.
“They both are, but Conrad…there’s something about him. He was so nice and fun and wonderful on the drive. We didn’t really drive dangerously, but we did have fun. Oh, man, the way that engine roars and the power! The get-up-and-go! And, he knows just how to control it and cut in and out of traffic and…He’s so…amazing and masculine and elegant and…”
“Did he…I mean…it isn’t really any of my business, but…”
Jeremy smiled as he whipped his shirt over his head and laid it in the open suitcase. “He didn’t kiss me or try to do anything sexy with me, if that’s what you’re worried about. But, he was so romantic.”
He had started to unfasten his shorts when he stopped and looked at the older boy. “I did kind of make a fool of myself, though.”
Rafael raised an eyebrow. He slipped his shorts and underwear down, leaving himself naked and only partially erect before the boy he loved. “What happened?” he asked in what he hoped was an encouraging voice.
Jeremy looked down and swallowed before lowering his zipper and answering, “Well, I was sitting there looking at him once we got on that two-lane highway and he was so cool-looking with those sunglasses and the wind blowing his hair and his hand holding the gear-shift and he was handsome and sexy and I was so hard…so hard…God, Rafael, I would do it with him in a heartbeat, he is so sexy! Well, anyway, I was so hard and he said something that made me think he might want me that way, you know, and I didn’t know what to do, you know, whether I should let him know that it was okay if he wanted to do something…”
Jeremy slipped his shorts and briefs down, letting his erection snap upward and bob several times before he continued, “I thought I should let him know that if he wanted to, he could do something. So, I kind of slipped down the seat and spread my legs so he could see my boner in my shorts, but he didn’t do anything and I got scared, but then I thought I wasn’t being obvious enough, so I reached down and started rubbing my boner…”
Rafael had frozen, holding his dance belt and staring at Jeremy with a dead look on his face.
“Well, he didn’t do anything and after a minute I began to think I had just done the stupidest and nastiest thing in the world. I felt so dumb and dirty and gross. I sat up and I was about to start crying when he reached over and took my hand and squeezed it and then he kissed it and we just drove the rest of the way, him holding my hand and neither of us talking, until we got to the turn-off into the woods here. I thought I had ruined everything, but I think he was letting me know it was okay, but that he wasn’t going to do anything.”
Rafael nodded numbly and said in a weak voice, “That’s possible.”
“I don’t know if he wants to do it with me or not, Rafael,” Jeremy said. “How can you tell?”
Rafael pushed the suitcase back and sat down on the edge of the bed, his nakedness forgotten, struggling to keep his emotions under control.
“It varies from situation to situation and from person to person.”
Jeremy watched the older boy’s face, reluctant to ask, but feeling Rafael was the only person he could turn to in this matter.
“Do you think Conrad wants to do it with me?”
Rafael took a deep breath and said, “Jeremy, there are straight men in America who would drive over their wives for the chance to do it with you. Of course, he wants to do it with you. But, I know that Conrad is sincere in wanting to be your mentor and he might think that sex would get in the way of that.”
He slipped his legs through the dance belt and wearily stood up as he added, “I don’t know if he will try to have a sexual relationship with you or not. I know that he likes you very much. I’ll say that.”
“Does Alistair want to do it with me?”
“I would think so, but once again, Alistair has a lot of self-control and he might feel it isn’t good for him to do that with you, him being the director and all. I…I really don’t want to think about other men having sex with you right now, Jeremy.”
A look of concern came over the younger boy’s face as he said, “Oh, God, Rafael! I’m sorry! I didn’t think it would hurt your feelings to talk about it! I’m sorry!”
Jeremy tried to hug Rafael. The teenager rose and the two embraced tightly.
“Rafael, I love you. I love you. I love you,” Jeremy declared, his face against the teenager’s chest, his eyes tightly shut as he clung to the older boy.
“I love you so much, Jeremy, that the last three hours have been hell for me. I didn’t think I’d be so bothered by this. I didn’t think it would hurt for you to be with someone like Conrad. I thought I would be cool with everything, but I love you so hard and so much that…I wanted to kill Conrad while we were driving here. I’m sorry, Jeremy. I’m so sorry.”
“Oh, God, Rafael! I’m so sorry. I must be a real sick jerk to want to do it with two other men and here you are and you love me and you’re dying listening me to go on about how wonderful they are.”
Rafael took Jeremy’s face in his hand and said firmly, “No, sweetheart. You have nothing to apologize for or to feel badly about. I told you it would be okay and it isn’t fair for me to have that freedom and for you not to have it. Besides, I know what it’s like to be held and loved by a man. You want that, too, Jeremy, and I understand. I won’t get in the way. I won’t. I want you to have beautiful moments with Conrad. I do. Truly. I do.”
Rafael took a deep breath and added, “Teddy told me in the car that this is the first time I’ve ever truly been in love. I don’t feel jealous about Alistair doing it with other guys, but the pain I feel over you is because I love you so much and this is the first time I’ve experienced anything like this and…I need to just deal with it. I know you love me, Jeremy. I know that. I’m not afraid of losing you. I’m not. I want you to get everything you can out of all this. I want you to learn as much as you can. I want you to impress Alistair and Conrad as much as you can. I want you to absorb every bit of knowledge and experience you can…And, if Conrad chooses to…do something, I want you to feel free to say yes or no for yourself and not have that decision be based on me. Okay? Promise me that you won’t let my feelings get in the way. Promise me.”
Jeremy nodded solemnly and said, “I promise. I love you.”
“I love you, too,” Rafael replied before he stepped away from the boy and looked down at Jeremy’s fierce erection. “However, there is something we need to take care of before you go down there. You won’t be able to concentrate with all the hormones rampaging through your system right now. Yeah, we all get boners when we’re in our tights around Alistair, but you look like you could fuck a bowl of mashed potatoes right now.”
Jeremy giggled and Rafael smiled as he sank to his knees before him.
—o-0-o—
“So, what do you think of Jeremy?”
Dylan grinned at Conrad as he asked the question. The two were already in the dance studio below the second floor bedrooms and had begun their stretches at the barre as they awaited Rafael and Jeremy—and Alistair.
“I think he is an interesting boy with a creative mind and an amazing gift for dance.”
Dylan smirked and said, “Yeah, that’s the diplomatic answer. Now, give me the real answer.”
Conrad glanced with irritation at the fourteen-year-old and said, “I think, Dylan, you forget our different places here. You are a trainee and I am a principal dancer.”
“Uh, huh,” Dylan replied, “and, your cock’s been up my ass a half-dozen times. Now, Rafael is my closest friend and his boyfriend is now one of my closest friends. I love the little guy. So…what do you think of him?”
Conrad frowned and said, “He’s beautiful and sexy and I would love to take him to bed and make love to him. However, for at least the time being, I need to concentrate on being his mentor and building up his trust. I have no doubt I could easily have done anything I wanted to with him this morning, but I didn’t. He practically masturbated in front of me, the poor kid. He was so…”
Conrad stopped and looked directly as Dylan. “Jeremy needs to focus on his dancing. He needs me to be a model for him, a teacher, an adviser, a friend, and that is what I will be. You can report back to Rafael that he has nothing to worry about. It will not be me who deflowers young Jeremy.”
Dylan stopped and looked at Conrad seriously. “I love Rafi, but I wouldn’t betray a confidence to him. To be honest, I wish Jeremy wasn’t in the scene, because it would be easier for me to get Rafael to be my boyfriend. I’d love for you to take Jeremy away from him, but I know they love each other too much. Rafael thinks that you’ll be Jeremy’s Alistair. I was just wondering if that was true.”
“Possibly at some point, but honestly Dylan, I can’t see anything sexual happening for a long time. Jeremy needs a lot from me, but that’s not something I will give him now.”
At that moment, the door to the studio opened and Rafael entered, followed by Jeremy.
“Well,” Rafael exclaimed with a smile. “I’d have expected to find Alistair in here trying to pull Dylan off Conrad!”
Conrad smirked as he resumed his barre work and said, “I’ve been able to resist the allure of Miss Thing’s insatiable appetite.”
Dylan smirked and said, “It did seem to take the two of you a long time to change and I can tell from Jeremy’s blush why!”
Rafael rolled his eyes as he walked to the barre and said, “You know, Jerm, we won’t be able to keep anything secret with the way you blush all the time.”
“I can’t help it,” Jeremy replied with an embarrassed grin. “Maybe when I get used to all this…”
“Depravity?” Conrad suggested, smiling.
Jeremy giggled, but before he could respond, the door opened again and the boy gasped as he saw Alistair enter in his gray tights and white leotard. Alistair noted the shocked and lustful look in the boy’s eyes, but he turned to Conrad as he walked across the floor and asked, “Did I miss the depravity?”
“Oh, that’s later,” Dylan replied with a grin.
“Oh, really?” Alistair asked as he suddenly started snapping his fingers and walking in the style of a West Side Story dancer. “Do you need to play it cool, Dylan? Cooly, cool Dylan? You have a rocket in your pocket, Dylan? You gonna play it cool, Dylan?”
“I want to pop!” Dylan cried, imitating the scene from the musical, as he threw his hands into the air.
“I want to bust!” Rafael cried, following his friend’s example.
“I want to go!” Jeremy shouted.
“Keep it cool, cooly cool, boy!” Alistair replied with a seductive smile at Rafael. “Keep it cool!”
He began to laugh and the other joined in, and Jeremy immediately found himself at ease with the great man.
They all worked at the barre, doing their stretches and chatting about various things related to ballet. Alistair paid careful attention—without seeming to—to Jeremy’s comments and his stretches. Every once in a while, he would make a suggestion to the boy or a compliment.
“Even in your stretches, Jeremy, you show an amazing grace and elegance,” the man declared. “I can’t believe you’ve not been dancing the summer. After less than a week, you are truly exceptional.”
Rafael winked at Jeremy and then whined, “Hey, what am I? Chopped liver?”
Jeremy giggled and said, “No, you’re road kill, but you taste just like chicken.”
“Woe hoe! Jeremy!” Alistair exclaimed. “Good one! I can see you dish it out with the best. But, can you take it?”
“He’ll find out tonight,” Rafael said as he practiced plié, “when I give it to him without lube!”
“Oh, Rafi, please,” Alistair responded. “You Nelly thing. It never works when you try to sound butch. You on top is almost as funny as Dylan on top!”
“Hey! I come from the world of machismo!” Rafael replied, adding, “and, I’ve learned from the best.”
Alistair smiled, but he gave the teenager a serious look. Conrad noticed and said soothingly, “Alistair, we all know about you and Rafael and no one in this room would ever say anything. You can trust Dylan and you can certainly trust me.”
Alistair said nothing and acted as if nothing had happened, though he walked out to the center of the floor and began performing a variety of kicks, leaps, and spins as the others continued their stretches at the barre. Jeremy felt that a pall had descended on the room, but a few minutes later, after Alistair had leaped and kicked his way around the studio several times, the man smiled and turned to Jeremy, declaring, “All right, Mr. Fenwick, if you would please, come out here and we can see what you can do.”
As Jeremy nodded and gracefully strode out to the center of the floor, Alistair asked Conrad to put a record of generic training music on the turntable and then turned to Jeremy. They spent several minutes on typical “center” work—Port de bras, Grand Battement, and then moved on to the adagio moves, the slow moves that develop control and balance. Alistair would make delicate suggestions, demonstrate what he meant, and then watch as Jeremy performed, after which he would nod and move on to the next move. The other dancers worked on their own particular practices in other areas of the studio, though they kept a careful watch on Alistair and his work with Jeremy.
Jeremy was concentrating too hard on listening to Alistair and doing what the man asked to think about how much fun he was having, but when they stopped for a moment to drink some water, Jeremy grinned as they walked to the water pitcher in the corner and said, “This is the most amazing experience of my life.”
“I’m glad you’re enjoying it, Jeremy. It’s a pleasure to work with someone as gifted and as eager as you. Young people such as you make it all worthwhile. Sometimes I think I’d like to give up directing the company and just focus on the academy and working with my trainees. I always feel re-energized when I’ve spent time with my trainees.”
“Do you miss performing?” Jeremy asked as he drank.
Alistair nodded and said, “That’s like asking someone who’s lost an arm if they miss it. I love performing. I love dancing on stage. The applause and cheers of the audience are like wine to me. Now, I concentrate on creating the experience for my dancers, but yes, I miss performing. In some ways, I live vicariously through my dancers.”
“I want to dance for as long as I can,” Jeremy declared.
“Well, let’s hope for a long career, Jeremy, but you must remember that as you grow older, it will become more painful and the chance of a career-ending fall or accident of any kind grows, so enjoy every day you dance. Live every day to the maximum. Every moment in your tights and on the dance floor or on the stage, every moment should be cherished. We are performing the most beautiful of the arts. We combine music, acting, art, and movement. We embody everything. We express our emotions with an eloquence denied other artists because we use our bodies to convey our pain or joy, our feelings, our love, our hate, the rapture of life, the agony of life.”
Jeremy gazed into the man’s eyes and his own grew moist. Alistair smiled and ran his fingers through the boy’s hair before he suddenly declared, “All right! Back to work, Mr. Fenwick! I hear that your Grand Jeté en tournant is an experience to be savored. So, impress me!”
They worked on the spinning leaps for quite some time. Jeremy would perform several, then Alistair would discuss them before he would demonstrate the point he was making. Jeremy stood in awe as he watched Alistair perform live the move he had performed a decade earlier for the poster on Rafael’s wall. And, each one the man performed was as perfect as Jeremy could imagine, his muscled arms and legs perfectly parallel to the floor, each leap performed with amazing energy and vitality. Alistair’s beauty inspired the boy and when he leaped, he forced himself to do so with as much power and elegance as he could. He soon exhausted himself, though he continued to push himself as the two of them worked on other difficult moves. Rafael and Dylan had long finished their routines and Conrad has walked over to watch and make mental notes about Jeremy’s dancing. Occasionally, Alistair would ask Conrad to demonstrate something and sometimes, they would both perform and Jeremy could watch in stereo.
At one point, however, as he was spinning across the floor in chaînés tournes, he lost his balance and fell to the floor. He immediately jumped up and resumed without batting an eye, but when he was finished, Alistair placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and said, “I think that is enough for one afternoon. Take it easy for the rest of the day.”
“Oh, no! I can still go! I’m not tired at all!” Jeremy exclaimed.
Alistair smiled and nodded as he replied, “I’m sure you can go on for quite some time more, but I have a few things to do and I do think I want to save your feet for tomorrow and Friday. We don’t want too many blisters interfering with what I expect will be a stellar performance Friday night.”
He smiled at Jeremy, gazing into his eyes as the boy looked adoringly at him. Slowly, Jeremy nodded and Conrad put a hand on his shoulder as he said, “Come, Jeremy. Let’s go talk and then we can shower and relax on the veranda before dinner.”
“You boys are welcome to swim if you like,” Alistair declared as he walked on toward the pitcher. “Naturally, Dylan, it’s clothing optional.”
“Oh, thank God!” Dylan cried. “I want to roam free! Free! Free I say!”
“There are no Tonys for performances in my studio,” Alistair replied as he swatted Dylan’s butt.
Rafael looked at Jeremy and whispered, “I’m so proud of you, sweetheart.”
“Oh, Rafael, I’m so happy,” the boy replied emotionally. “This is the greatest day of my life.”
“You said that yesterday,” Rafael replied with a grin.
“And, it was, and today’s even better!”
Rafael winked and said, “Man, by Friday you may just explode from too much rapture and ecstasy.”
Jeremy giggled joyfully as the two older boys left the room. Alistair drank his water and then, as Conrad and Jeremy poured their own, said, “Jeremy, you are truly a one-of-a-kind dancer. With the proper work and training, you will be a star, one of the true greats. Thank you for coming to Ballet of America.”
“Thank you, sir,” Jeremy replied, on the verge of tears.
“Conrad,” the man said, “I am depending on you, as Jeremy’s mentor…”
He stopped and the younger man nodded. “I understand. I know what we have here and just how special Jeremy is.”
Alistair nodded and then turned and left the room, leaving Conrad and Jeremy alone sitting backward on the bench before the piano in the corner. Conrad looked down at Jeremy and smiled before he wrapped an arm around the sweaty boy. He leaned down and kissed the top of Jeremy’s head as he said, “You’re magnificent, Jeremy. You truly are. You’re going to be a joy to train and mentor. You love what you’re doing. You’re eager to learn and perform, and you have a natural talent that is truly amazing.”
Finally, it was all too much for the boy and Jeremy broke down in elation and emotion. Conrad wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly and Jeremy sobbed with joy. At one point, he said, “If only my parents could be here to see this and to hear what you all are saying.”
“They’d be very proud of you, Jeremy,” Conrad replied.
“You really think so?” the boy sobbed.
“Yes. And, I’m proud of you, too.”
Jeremy looked up at the man through tear-filled eyes and softly said, “I love you.”
Conrad inhaled, but said nothing. He pulled the boy’s head against his chest and held him tightly. Jeremy closed his eyes. Yes. He was dancing in Heaven.