“There you are,” Rafael said as he emerged from the shower in their bathroom and found Jeremy just then walking in the door. “I waited, but when you never came up, I assumed you and Conrad were…”
He stopped as he saw the look of both joy and shame on Jeremy’s face. Jeremy walked across the room and sat down on the floor beside the bed. Rafael could see the erection in the boy’s tights. Jeremy sat cross-legged and looked down at the carpet. The boy took a deep breath and said, “Oh, Rafael.”
Naked, Rafael put the towel on the counter and walked over to the boy. He sat down and wrapped his arms around him. Jeremy leaned into him and said, “This has been the most wonderful day and I am so happy, but I’m so confused, too.”
“What are you confused about, sweetheart?”
As Rafael caressed the boy’s face and shoulders, Jeremy replied, “Conrad. When you all left, we were sitting there on the bench and he hugged me and told me how proud he was of me and we just hugged and…it was so wonderful to feel him holding me. He didn’t kiss me, though and he didn’t say anything, but it was like he didn’t have to. I could feel that he loves me. And, I love him, but…Rafael, I love you, too! I love you more than I love him…I think…and I kept feeling my pendant and remembering that I love you, but…oh, Rafael, am I bad? Am I being mean to you? Am I hurting you?”
“No, sweetheart, no. You are not hurting me. I told you that it was okay if you want to have a relationship with Conrad. It’s not uncommon for a boy in the academy to have a romantic relationship with another boy and one of the men in the company. It’s okay. I know you love me, Jeremy, and I know you need to feel a man love you, too. I understand. Just relax and be happy that you’re so fortunate to have this much love. You deserve to be happy Jeremy. You do. So, please, just relax and enjoy how wonderful your life is becoming. All right?”
Jeremy looked into his eyes and the two kissed on the lips for several seconds as Rafael caressed his face.
“I told you,” Rafael said with a smile as he whispered into the boy’s ear, “that as long as we wear our yin and yang pendants, we’ll know that no matter who we’re with or what we’re doing, we will always be together and united. I love you, Jeremy.”
“I love you, Rafael.”
They smiled into each other’s eyes, but at that moment, there was a knock on the door. Rafael rolled his eyes and asked, “Who is it?”
“Gloria Swanson! I’m ready for my close-up, Mr. De Mille!”
Jeremy giggled and Rafael sighed.
“Come in, Dylan.”
The door opened and revealed the fourteen year-old standing naked before them and holding a towel over his shoulder.
“It’s time for the pool, sweet things!” Dylan declared as he entered the room. “Come on, Jeremy! Get naked!”
“I’m not swimming naked!” Jeremy exclaimed.
“Why not?” Dylan asked. “Everyone else is.”
Jeremy looked at Rafael with wide eyes and the older boy nodded.
“Alistair and Conrad will be, too.”
“But…Teddy and…Jonathan will see us!”
Rafael shrugged and said, “They’ve already seen us, so it’s no big deal. But, if you want to wear a swimsuit, you can, except, I don’t think you brought one, did you?”
“I did, but…I don’t want to be a freak, but at the same time…”
“Jeremy,” Rafael said with a grin, “You just spent more than three hours dancing with a raging hard-on in front of Alistair Mountjoy and Conrad Hartsfeld. Teddy has seen you with a boner. Jonathan is the only one who hasn’t and if he watches you dance in tights, since you always, always pop a boner in your tights, he will. Now, quit being a pussy, go take a shower, and come on down so we can all ogle your fantastic body and your magnificent pee-pee.”
Jeremy stared at him with consternation and Rafael added, “Look, wear your towel until you’re ready to get in the water. Jeez! You’d think we were asking you to suck all our dicks!”
“Do you think he would?” Dylan asked.
“Go! Now!” Rafael said, glaring at Dylan and pointing to the door. He then turned to Jeremy, stood up and said, “You, to the shower. Now. And if you don’t come down to swim, Dylan and I will be up to drag you and your little pee-pee down and we won’t bother with a towel for you!”
Jeremy stood up and nodded as Dylan said, “Don’t you love it when Rafi pretends to be a top?”
Rafael had walked to the bathroom and grabbed his bath towel. At Dylan’s comment, he rolled his towel and popped the fourteen-year-old on the butt. Dylan howled and ran out of the room, rubbing his ass and led by his partial erection.
Jeremy began to remove his dance shoes as Rafael walked over with a dry towel and kissed the top of his head.
“I am so proud of you, Jeremy,” he said with a smile. “You impressed Alistair so much. I can tell when he’s actually impressed and when he’s just being polite. You impressed him. You were great.”
Jeremy smiled and said, “Thanks. I can’t believe it, but I think I really did. I just wish Mom and Dad could have been here to see this. Maybe they’re watching me from Heaven and they’re proud. I sure hope so.”
Rafael kissed his lips and said, “Go shower and come on down.”
Jeremy nodded and kissed Rafael again before he resumed removing his dance things. Rafael left the room, wrapping his towel around his waist as he hurried down the hall. Naked, Jeremy quickly walked into the shower, his rigid erection leading the way, and quickly masturbated to dreams of Conrad holding him and kissing him. He dried himself, gazed at his body in the mirror, sighed with frustration that his masturbation had not taken care of his hardness, and wrapped the towel around himself, holding it so that he could hide his erection as well as possible.
Conrad and Alistair were in the pool with Dylan and Rafael on their shoulders trying to knock each other off as Jeremy emerged from the French doors and stood nervously on the veranda.
“Take it off!” a still fully-clothed Teddy yelled from his chair under the umbrella on the patio. “Take it all off!”
Jonathan playfully hit the man’s shoulder and said, “Don’t listen to the perverts, Jeremy! You do whatever you feel comfortable with!”
Jeremy took a deep breath. He was going to have to get used to doing things before an audience, a New York audience. Of course, he wouldn’t be naked in front of a New York audience, but he would be in tights and, for all practical purposes, he might as well be. He started to drop the towel, but remembered his erection, which absolutely refused to go down.
“Teddy! Leave the poor kid a little dignity!” Jonathan chided.
Teddy winked at Jeremy and turned around. Alistair was turned so that he couldn’t see Jeremy, though Conrad could. However, the blond man discreetly turned and then dumped Dylan into the water. Jeremy took advantage of the distraction to drop his towel and walk forward, his erection leading the way. He lay the towel on a pool chair and then paused a moment at the edge before jumping in. Immediately, Dylan cried, “Get him!”
Jeremy squealed as he tried to escape the other four. Rafael slipped off Alistair’s shoulders and lunged toward the boy, who squealed again and slipped away as Conrad grabbed his left arm. Immediately, tickling hands were all over him. He struggled and accidentally felt other erections as he laughed and cried, “No! No!”
“Careful!” Rafael warned. “He pees when he’s tickled!”
“That’s okay,” Alistair replied. “We have chlorine in the water.”
“Eww!” Dylan declared. “Water sports!”
The ruckus died down and the others allowed Jeremy to swim around in peace. A couple of times, Alistair dove under the water and came up between Jeremy’s legs, lifting him into the air and tossing the laughing boy across the pool. Conrad simply dunked him a couple of times before Dylan found a ball and they began to play water volleyball. Gradually, the competition dissolved into the swimmers simply floating about and relaxing in the cool water.
Jeremy noticed that Rafael had floated up to Conrad in the deep end of the pool. He watched for a moment and then floated over to Alistair, who discussed his recent holiday in Tuscany.
“We have an audience,” Conrad whispered as Rafael floated up.
“I’m sure,” Rafael replied, “but we aren’t going to do anything questionable except talk.”
“I hear from others, though, that even talking can be a very arousing experience with the Wildboy.”
Rafael grinned and said, “I have a very vivid imagination.”
“How much of that imagination do you exercise with Jeremy?”
Rafael cocked his head as he turned his back to the edge of the pool and lay his arms along the tiles lining the outside. “Not much,” he replied as his legs and torso floated upward. “He’s only twelve and I think I want him to remain twelve as long as he can.”
Conrad followed Rafael’s example and replied, “I think that’s very wise and very decent of you, Rafael.”
The teenager turned to Conrad and said, “I love Jeremy more than I can say. I’ve never felt this before and…it’s new and wonderful and frightening and…he’s the most wonderful thing to happen to me since I discovered dance.”
Conrad nodded and said, “He’s a special boy.”
“Yes, he is.”
They floated and watched Jeremy and Dylan conversing with Alistair at the other end of the pool. A seagull cried in the air above them as it circled and then headed south for the beach. Rafael watched it and then said, “Conrad, I need to talk about something with you.”
“Of course,” the man replied.
Rafael took a deep breath and said, “You’ve already figured out that Jeremy is special.”
Conrad nodded and replied, “Yes. Very.”
“He’s the sweetest guy I know. He would never hurt another person. He’s incapable of lying. He would never cheat or kiss ass or do anything dishonest or disreputable. He’s the most decent person I know.”
“Yes. I agree.”
“He’s very naïve, Conrad. He’s a fast learner, but he’s inexperienced and naïve. He knows things are going to be tough here. He knows there are people who will try to take advantage of him. He knows that people will betray him here. He believes he can take care of himself and I haven’t discouraged him from believing that. However, I know he’s going to have to be kicked in the nuts a few times before he’s more inoculated against this place than he is. I just don’t want it to be so bad that he loses that goodness of spirit and nature or whatever it is that makes him so special.”
“I understand.”
“Please, Conrad. I don’t know if you plan to just be Jeremy’s mentor or if you’re hoping for a sexual relationship with him or what, but whatever it is, please, please don’t hurt him. If it came from someone like you, I don’t think he’d survive it, because he is really fragile right now and he admires you so much; it’s like he worships you. And besides that, there are things about Jeremy that you and Alistair don’t know.”
Conrad frowned in concern and replied, “Rafael, I have deep respect for what you’ve told me and I can assure you that I see Jeremy as precious and as someone who must be protected and encouraged. I agree that he’s going to have to go through some rough experiences here to toughen his skin, but I’m not going to contribute to that. I love Jeremy. And, no, I do not plan a sexual relationship with him. I won’t rule it out completely, but such a thing is not my intention. I truly want to help him and guide him, Rafael, and I respect you for coming to me this way.”
Rafael nodded and responded, “Thank you, though you might want to share that with Jeremy, because he’s a little confused and unsure about that. I can tell you that he would jump at the chance, though.”
“I know,” Conrad replied with a grin. “He tried to seduce me in the car this morning. It was clumsy and not very subtle, but it was sweet. He seemed mortified when he realized it wasn’t working, so I took his hand and kissed it and held it until we reached the turn-off from the highway.”
Rafael grinned and softly said, “Bless his heart. I love him so much. Monday night, he told me to lie down and lift my legs because he was going to fuck me and show me who’s boss. I laughed at him until he explained that this girl back home who came up for the Summer Intensive said that Marta Van Amstel had told her that I needed to be fucked hard by domineering men. He was relieved when he realized he didn’t have to actually put it up my butt.”
Conrad chuckled and said, “There is something so beautiful about innocence and goodness in a boy who hasn’t been turned cynical and disillusioned. Jeremy is precious.”
Rafael floated silently for a moment before he said, “Conrad, there’s something you need to know about Jeremy. Something deep inside him that could destroy him or his hopes of being the great dancer he dreams of.”
Conrad frowned and looked at Rafael with concern. The teenager explained, “He comes from a family with money and they had high expectations of their two sons. His older brother, Brian, was the prince, but he never really made anything of himself. Bad grades, parties, you know. The spoiled rich kid who expects everything to be handed to him. Yet, he was the one that got all the attention. Jeremy worked his heart out, worked his ass off, to be the best dancer he could. He knew his parents weren’t thrilled that he wasn’t going to be a football star before heading to law school and joining the family law firm, so he tries to make up for it by being the best he can be. He became obsessed with being the best and he’s never lost that obsession. He feels its the only way he can make it up to his parents for dancing and…for being gay.”
Conrad sighed deeply. “God, how many of us struggle to live up to our parents’ expectations? How many of us have to find our own motivation because our families don’t fully support our dreams of dancing?”
Rafael nodded and said, “It’s a big thing for Jeremy and it’s worse now since his parents died last May. He can’t ever make them proud now and no matter how good he gets, its never going to be enough. Ever. The goal posts are going to keep moving, no matter how close he gets. Plus, when his parents died, he had to live with a crazy uncle on his mother’s side who’s some kind of fundamentalist preacher who thinks dancing is satanic. So Jeremy had to give up his dream. It was just last week that we were able to rescue him and bring him here. He’s been through a lot. It’s been hell and last Tuesday, he came to within seconds of killing himself. His cousin caught him and stopped him.”
“Dear God.”
“Conrad…Jeremy…he has nightmares…every night. He wakes up screaming or crying. His parents are always telling him how wicked he is or how disappointed they are. This is something serious with him. We have to let him know how good he is, how special he is, and how loved he is. We can’t let anything happen that will encourage that part of him that is ashamed of his dancing or his sexuality.”
“Is there any chance that he isn’t gay?”
“Oh, no. He fell in love with my body when he was seven and I had just turned eleven. When he saw a poster I have with Alistair from 1960, the premiere of Ode to Life, he almost came in his shorts just looking at it. No, Jeremy is into strong bodies. And I mean into. He is wild about strong dancers. That’s why I was so worried about this situation with you or maybe something with Alistair. I just don’t want him to be hurt because it would be so easy, so easy to send him into a tailspin.”
“Thank you for being so frank and honest with me, Rafael,” Conrad said. “Not everyone at Ballet Academy would be so forthright or so…courageous.”
Rafael shrugged and replied, “Well, if you were any other dancer in the company, I wouldn’t be so forward, but…it’s kind of hard to be in awe of someone when you’re both naked with each other.”
Conrad smiled and said, “I think it depends on what engenders awe in you.”
Rafael grinned and said, “I completely understand, though, why Jeremy thinks you’re a god. You have the hottest body of anyone in the company.”
Conrad smiled and said, “Thank you. You’re certainly the hottest guy in the intermediate division, so I consider that quite a compliment.”
Rafael grinned and leaned over. Very quietly, he said, “You know, sometime down the line, if you ever do think about doing something with Jeremy, I wouldn’t object if you wanted to maybe, you know…”
Conrad smiled into Rafael’s eye and said, “I think that would be a very attractive possibility. I can imagine there are quite a few men in New York City for whom that would probably induce heart failure, having the two most beautiful ballet boys in the City.”
Rafael smiled and then became serious again as he said, “Things are so different here than they are in normal…places and normal situations. It’s like everyone plays by a different rule book here in the ballet world in New York.”
“Yeah,” Conrad replied with a frown. “It does. And, yet…we’re just as human, with the same feelings and fragile hearts as everyone else.”
—o-0-o—
Alistair tapped his spoon against his wine glass as he stood up from the table on the patio. Everyone at the table had returned to their clothes and most had finished their dinner of salmon grilled on the barbecue (wrapped in foil). Each had a glass of white wine, even Jeremy, who had pronounced the wine “precocious and teasing, with a hint of sassiness.”
“I would like to make an announcement,” Alistair declared as he looked around at his guests. “Some of you know that Jonathan and I have been collaborating on a dance that would do justice to Rafael’s unique skills and gifts. Well, it is now complete and I would like to introduce Rafael and all of you tonight to The Gazelle, which I hope Rafael will premiere to the world in the September Spotlight next month on the eighteenth.”
Rafael’s eyes grew wide with shock as everyone else clapped and cheered for him. “You’ve already finished it?”
Alistair nodded and said, “I could kill Anna Pulchova for telling you that I was working on it, but fortunately she thought it wouldn’t be ready for you until your final year at Ballet Academy, so I get to enjoy the surprise on your face as I tell you that you will begin working on it tonight.”
“Tonight? Are you serious?” Rafael exclaimed.
Alistair grinned and nodded.
Rafael jumped up and ran around the table. He and Alistair embraced and kissed before Rafael buried his face in the man’s shoulder.
“You deserve it, Rafi,” he said. “You’ve been through hell and you’ve danced your heart out. You done everything I’ve asked of you and everything your trainers have asked and you’ve given it everything you’ve got. You’ve earned your night in the spotlight and I’m certain you will get a thunderous ovation.”
Rafael had tears in his eyes as he stepped back and softly replied, “Thank you!”
Teddy had tears of joy flowing down his cheeks and Dylan and Conrad were applauding with huge smiles on their faces. Jonathan sat back and watched with a serene smile. Rafael turned to him and said, “Thank you, Jonathan. Thank you.”
He walked around the table and the two hugged tightly.
“It was easy for me to compose music for Rafael Colón. It’s a contemporary piece with both a Spanish flavor for you and an African flavor, befitting the gazelle. It’s energetic and full of life and you will be exhausted at the end, but when you pull this off, and you will, the audience will be rapturous.”
Rafael turned around with a look of pride and joy on his face. Jeremy and Teddy both stood and hugged him.
“All right, enough of all this sentimentality,” Alistair declared. “Rafael, go change and let’s get to work. Jeremy, how would you and Dylan like to watch? You’ll have a chance to see a choreographer, a composer, and a dancer get together and create something awesome.”
“I’d love to!” Jeremy cried. He followed Rafael as the teenager hurried into the house. Dylan followed, though not as quickly, followed by Jonathan, who said, “I’ll meet you in the studio.”
Alistair smiled at Teddy, who said, “You’ve made Rafael a very happy young man. You’ve done so much for him, Ally. You really saved him from the nightmare he was when he first came here.”
“Thank you, Teddy. I really do love him and…well…”
Alistair looked down, overcome with emotion as Jonathan placed a hand on his back and said, “Let’s get ready.”
Alistair recovered from his emotions as they crossed the veranda and entered the house. Jonathan smiled. They stopped in the atrium at the hallway leading to the studio and asked, “So, tell me. Jeremy?”
“He’s an amazing boy, but he isn’t my Jeremy. You were right, Jonathan. He’s not the same.”
He paused a moment and then said, “He’s better.”
A look of dismay came over Jonathan’s face, but Alistair smiled reassuringly and said, “Don’t worry. It’s not going to happen. Rafael is my boy. It’s easy to love Jeremy, and I will do everything I can, time permitting, to nurture him, but I will leave everything else to Conrad. It seems he is going to be for Jeremy what I am for Rafael. I don’t know how sexual that relationship will be, if at all, but I trust Conrad. He’s the only dancer in the company I would trust, but I trust him.”
“What about Rafael? In a few years…?”
Alistair shook his head and said, “It’s too late for that. I’ll be in my forties and Rafael already has Jeremy. Of course, they’re so young, who knows if that will last, but…Rafi won’t want to settle down with me. I doubt he would settle down with anyone until he’s the age I am now. In the meantime, we have the love we share through dance and…that’s enough for me…that and all the dancing men I pick up.”
Jonathan smiled and said, “I’ll be in the studio.”
Alistair nodded and strolled through the atrium to the stairs and up to the second floor. As he walked past the room Rafael and Jeremy were sharing, he paused. The door was closed, but he could still hear their conversation.
“This is just so totally far-out amazing fantastic,” Jeremy exclaimed. “I can’t believe any of this is happening! And a week ago today you came to visit me for the first time and now, here we are, I’m dancing with Alistair Mountjoy and Conrad Hartsfeld is mentoring me and you’re going to do a special dance for Ballet of America that was created just for you and me and you are in love and…How could any of this get any better?”
“I know sweetheart! I can’t believe it either. And, I’m in love with the most wonderful guy in the world. I don’t deserve to be this happy.”
“Me neither, but we are.”
There was quiet from the room and Alistair smiled, his heart warmed at the knowledge that these two boys, so damaged in their own ways, were now so happy through his actions. He, too, didn’t deserve to be this happy!
—o-0-o—
“So, tell me, Conrad. What are your intentions with Jeremy?”
Teddy and Conrad were the only two left at the table as the caterers cleared everything away. Teddy had waited until they were alone, and until after he had finished his third glass of wine. When he asked his question, Conrad raised an eyebrow and replied in a formal, Spock-like voice, “You are direct and you do not waste time.”
“Not when the welfare of those I love is at stake,” Teddy replied in a serious voice. “I promised Jeremy’s aunt that I would take care of him. I’m sure she wouldn’t approve of some aspects of his relationship with Rafael and I am grateful she doesn’t understand the world of ballet boys in New York, but I must address the nature of the relationship that is developing between you and Jeremy. Are you going to fuck him?”
“No,” Conrad replied with equal directness.
“Don’t lie to me,” Teddy replied seriously. “I’ve lived with Rafael for three years. I know what boys in ballet face in this school and this city.”
“I have no plans to take Jeremy to bed,” Conrad replied. “Yet. Can I rule it out? No. However, I have far too much respect and affection for the boy to chance hurting him in any way. Rafael has already discussed how fragile and special Jeremy is. I have strong, strong feelings for him, but…it’s those feelings that keep me from doing what, I admit, I would love to do. Someday, when he’s older, stronger, wiser…maybe. But, possibly not even then. I don’t know. I won’t promise you that it won’t happen because you have lived with Rafael for three years, as you say. You know what it’s like here. You know that we think we live by different rules than the mortals do.”
“Yes,” Teddy replied with distaste. “We do like to think that.”
He took a sip of wine and added, “I appreciate your honesty. I don’t think you would hurt him—either physically or emotionally, but I must ask. I know its fruitless to try to control what these boys do in their free time. At least it is with Rafael, but I try to at least let him know how much I care and worry and to be there when he needs to be rescued or needs a shoulder to cry on. I suspect that the situation will be the same with Jeremy, though not to the extent that it has been with Rafi. I hope to see Rafi settle down some now.”
“I think you will,” Conrad replied. “I see how strong the love between the two boys is. Of course, they are very young and a week from now, their feelings may be completely different.”
Teddy nodded and said, “You strike me as a decent man—or at least as decent as one might find in this little microcosm.”
“I would like to think I am. I will be honest. I have taken boys from the academy to bed. Dylan, Dante Harris, Andrew Daugherty. Jeremy is beautiful. Special. But…he must be protected. Rafael has told me of his nightmares and his feelings about his parents. I understand how fragile he is. However, I must say that I think he’s probably stronger than you and Rafi give him credit for. I will not, however, test that. Rest assured, I have only his best interests in mind.”
“I hope, because I would hate to have my friends take you to New Jersey.”
Conrad rose and smiled. “You would, too.”
“Yes, I would,” Teddy replied with deadly seriousness.
Conrad nodded, but then smiled and extended his hand, saying, “Jeremy is quite fortunate to have someone like you looking out for him.”
“Oh, I’m not sure fortunate is the right word.”
Conrad pulled him up to his feet and as they walked toward the house, said, “It’s interesting the number of successful creative people who have such problems with self-esteem. Jeremy and Rafael are perfect examples. Believe it or not, Alistair is, as well.”
“Oh, I know that’s true!”
“And, you, Teddy. You’ve written several respected bestsellers. You’ve won awards. You’ve had a positive effect on countless lives through your writing, and yet you cannot acknowledge that you have a meaningful influence on your nephew and his companion.”
Teddy sighed heavily as they entered the atrium and said, “We all have our demons from childhood, most of whom bear frightening resemblances to our parents.”
Conrad nodded and said, “Thank God, I’ll never have children. I would love to, but God only knows what neuroses and psychoses I might inspire.”
“I’ll drink to that.”
He suddenly stopped and said, “Speaking of which, I remember there are two more bottles of that chardonnay chilling. Shall we split one while watching the creative process at work?”
Conrad thought for a moment and then nodded.
“Yes, I think I could afford to tie one on tonight.”