“Guys—and I use that term all-inclusively girls, just like you do—guys, this is going to be delicate. I’m going to talk about things that need to be discussed, even if they never are by high school principals in front of a mixed crowd that includes all the classes in the school. I am going to expect maturity from you. If you aren’t mature enough to handle such a discussion, I can’t expect you to behave in this environment, and I do expect that. So, let’s get on with it, and get through it.
“I sincerely hope Jake and Jeremy will come back to school as soon as they’re recovered. We can’t say for sure when that will be, because concussions and neck sprains are dangerous and tricky things and people heal differently because they’re not the same and their degree of damage is also different. But I pray they’ll recover, and when they do, I want them back here. I hope they return. So, what can they expect? From you, I mean. I know how the staff will treat them because I have more control over them than I do you, and in any case, I know them and trust them, and the teachers and support staff at this school believe pretty much as I do about important things, like how you students should be treated and respected.
“But I don’t know what to expect from you. Especially after how Jake got treated today. I’d like to know why he was treated like that, but I know asking you that would be futile. I can ask something, however. Just to see which way the wind’s blowing. How many of you think what happened to Jake today was something he deserved? Everyone but Jeff Fondecki and Mike Rupert, raise your hands.”
No hands were raised.
“Well, that’s encouraging. I like that! But let’s be sure. Jake says he’s gay. He’s a gay kid, going to your school. Don’t some of you think it’s okay to beat up on a gay kid? I mean, doesn’t he sort of deserve what happens to him? Come on now, some of you must think that. Isn’t it okay to beat up on a gay kid? Let’s see your hands if you think that.”
No hands were raised.
Mr. Tussaint looked around the room, making a show of doing so.
“I wonder. I wonder if I’d taken a secret ballot vote, if everyone in the room would have voted the same then as they just did with their hands? The results may have been different, but I wanted you each to see that no one put their hands up. I wanted to show you again, the power you have as a whole group. Individuals, no matter what they think alone, or in small groups, don’t want to show they’re different from how they perceive the group thinks. And their perception is, they won’t be popular if they say, ‘Yeah, it’s okay to beat up on the gay kids.’” He stopped again, letting that sink in.
“So, from your hands, everyone here thinks Jake got a bad deal. I agree, for the record. I think he got a lousy deal. But if you all agree with that, maybe he won’t get such a bad deal when he comes back. Maybe, just maybe, we learned something today, something about all you guys banding together for the common good, and that’ll influence the way you treat Jake when he comes back.
“Now I’m going to talk about what he said on the radio. That needs to be talked about. I want anyone who has anything to say, anything to ask, to interrupt me. Don’t be shy. I can’t anticipate all your concerns. You have to help me out.
“Okay, first up. Jake said he was gay. Now I won’t ask for hands again, but I’m sure that bothers some of you. It shouldn’t but it does, and for several reasons. You’ve heard things at home and at church and from friends, and usually those things are derogatory. If you don’t know any gay kids, it’s easy to believe the negative things you’ve heard. You don’t have any perspective. So let me tell you some facts.
“You have gay friends and you don’t know it. There are many gay kids in this school, and you don’t know who most of them are. They keep it hidden, for the most part, and again, for a variety of reasons. But they’re here, and you deal with them every day. They’re kids, just like you, trying to do the best they can, trying to fit in, to be liked, to be just like you are. As they’re a minority, and a minority that is generally discriminated against, they have problems that you don’t, but they do the best they can.
“They aren’t a threat to you. I’ll repeat that, because there’s a misconception about that. But, they aren’t a threat to you. People think bad things about people in general who are different, and as gay kids are different, other kids think bad things about them. Most of those things they think aren’t true. Think about that a little. Think about how it must be for a gay kid. You’re a kid like everyone else here, yet you’re different. Right now if you’re not gay, you have to realize, and I’m sure you do, that you’re also different. You like books not everyone does, your hobbies are different from most, the sports teams you like aren’t the same as some of your buddies’, you like some vegetable your friends hate, and hate some they like, their favorite song may make you want to heave—you see what I’m saying here? You’re the same in some respects, different in others.
“Same with gay kids. Exactly the same. They’re mostly the same as you, but just a little bit different. Just like you’re a little bit different. And just because you’re different, you don’t threaten anyone, do you? And because your friend likes Plain White T’s, and you hate that emo crap, and he plays the Transformers video game and you don’t even own an Xbox 360 let alone like that game, he or she doesn’t threaten you, does he, or she? No, you’re not threatened, they aren’t threatened. Why not? Well, you simply accept the fact that he or she is crazy and move on. You accept their differences and like them because it works better, liking guys, than hating them. Well people, gay kids are doing that with you, too. They accept the fact you’re crazy because you like people of the other sex. Crazy, man. How can you do that?”
He got a grin for that, and then laughter when kids really understood what he was saying, and that he was making a joke. And they got it. They actually got it.
When it had quieted back down, after the kids had let off some of their built up tension by laughing, and looking at each other to see that they were all accepting what he was saying, he went on. “No, actually, in fact, gay kids are a lot more scared of you than you need be of them. There are more of you, and fewer of them, and most gay kids aren’t the slightest bit hostile. What they are is, what they do is, they just try to survive and be like you, liked and accepted, one of the cool kids, one of you. That’s it. That’s who they are.
“Even then, some of you are hostile to them. They’re the ones that need to be worried. And many of them are.
“But who in the world could be afraid of or threatened by Jake? He’s one of the smallest kids in school. What’s there to fear? He’s also quiet, stays in the background, and isn’t about to embarrass anyone. Fear him? Come on, guys!
“So if you’re not afraid of him, what’s all the name calling and jacking off hand motions and physical abuse all about?
“Yeah, I found out today we have some kids in school who will take the opportunity to bully other kids if given the chance, bully kids if they think they can, and if they think you guys will approve of them, maybe up their social standing a notch if they do. We’re going to work on that with them. Hey, all you guys I mentioned by name today, you guys that I’ll now label bullies for everyone to hear, I want you to stay here when this meeting is over. We have some business to attend to. Or, you can skip out. Then I can begin taking disciplinary action with you, and soon won’t have to deal with you any longer. Your choice.”
He looked out over the group, and made eye contact with the kids he confronted, then said, in a quieter tone, “So, the rest of you, the ones who aren’t bullies. Is anyone here afraid of Jake?”
No hands were raised.
“I didn’t think so. And you’re not bullies. So how many of you are you going to pick on him? Call him names? Humiliate him?”
No hands were raised.
“All right, how many of you aren’t going to do those things?”
Every hand went up.
“This one is harder. But be truthful. How many of you are willing to go up to him when he comes back, and tell him you’re sorry for what happened, and you’re glad to see him back in school?”
Not every hand went up this time, but many of them did. Mr. Tussaint smiled.
“Those of you who do that—man, will I be proud of you. Jake’s going to be coming back here, if he does, scared out of his skull. He knows what happened to him today. He knows no one in that crowd stood up for him, tried to protect him. He felt all alone, and felt that you were all against him. That’s what your silence made him think. That’s what silence from the crowd always makes the victim feel, that everyone’s against him. It made Jake feel rejected and alone.
“He didn’t see that show of hands we just had. He doesn’t know how bad you feel about not helping him. He’ll still think everyone’s against him. He’ll think if anyone attacks him again, as so many kids did today, he’ll still be all alone, that no one will help.
“So what do we do about that? You and me? How do we let him know that things are different here, now that you know what to do? Now that you know what to do if you see anyone getting on him or anyone else?
“He needs to know, needs it so very desperately, that you guys are behind him, supporting him, that you think he’s okay, and that you’re okay with him. Man, does he need that.
“What he needs is some of you, hopefully a lot of you, visiting him in the hospital, or writing him a letter, or calling him on the phone, or emailing him, and telling him you want him to come back here. Wow. I can’t tell you how special that would be, for him to see that.”
He stopped, then took out his handkerchief and wiped his eyes. He didn’t speak for a minute. When he resumed, it was in a voice that was softer, and at first huskier.
“Now we need to talk about what he said. He said some awfully embarrassing things. Let’s start with his claim that he jacks off sometimes six or seven times a day.”
The room was dead silent, but the kids who’d slumped in their chairs now sat up a little straighter.
“You’ve all had sex education. Every one of you. So the subject of masturbation has been discussed, you’ve learned about it, but it still is rather dirty to talk about, isn’t it? It’s very private; most all boys do it, and do it regularly, and many girls do it too, but it’s very private. It isn’t something anyone talks about much at all. Some never talk about it, a few boys are a bit more open with their friends and do discuss it, but it’s just not something that most of you talk about at all, and doing so would embarrass the snot out of you.
“Well, we’re going to talk about it. Jake said he did it a lot, and some of you kids will hold that over him, tease him with it, just because you can, and look down on him for it because it’s somehow empowering to be able to look down on someone. But I hope the better ones of you, the kids with greater self-respect and greater character, will stop to think. Think about all the private things there are about you, and how mortified you’d be if they were ever made public. Think about that, about what he’s going through, and cut the kid a break. Jacking off several times a day isn’t the worst thing a kid can do. It’s not nearly as bad as making fun of another kid, making him feel like crap. Not as bad as beating someone up. Maybe, if you have to think and talk about it, you might ask yourself why he does that. Might it be because he has very few friends, is lonely and by himself all the time, isn’t on the phone hours a day like many of you, isn’t hanging with friends at the mall like many others. Why he does this could be for many reasons, but none of them are things he should be teased or humiliated over. This is a kid trying to get by, and he’s already got the stigma of being gay to manage. He really doesn’t need something else to worry about.
“You guys may not know it, but the major cause of death of gay teens is suicide. A gay teen kills himself about every five hours in this country. Most of this is because he isn’t accepted by his peers, or isn’t accepted by his family or, get this, he can’t accept himself.
“Yeah, that’s right. Gay teens kill themselves because they know they’re different, they like kids of their same gender, and they’ve been taught that’s evil, and they can’t accept themselves. They don’t want to be gay, but they are. They can’t live with themselves that way, and so they off themselves. If anyone ever, ever thought that gay kids choose that orientation for themselves, the fact many kill themselves because of being gay should be proof that that’s totally wrong. These kids don’t choose to be gay. They’re born that way. Some of them can’t deal with it.
“Jake had a great deal of courage coming to school today. I am hoping against hope that he has enough to come back when he’s well. If he does, is there anyone here who would want to be the one that makes him wish he hadn’t? Or worse, want to be the one who makes him think that suicide is better than putting up with what he has to? Can anyone in this room imagine how it would feel, knowing they’d had a part in his ending his life? Anyone?”
Mr. Tussaint stopped and coughed, his face showing some emotional strain. One of the teachers brought him a glass of water, and he smiled thankfully and drank most of it down. Then he walked to the other side of the room and began speaking again.
“Jake’s going to have a lot of fears when he comes back, and being teased about jacking off will be one of them. Please don’t. Please don’t be that common and crude and hurtful. Please.”
He stopped and thought, and the room remained silent.
“Jake talked about sex in the back seat of his friend’s car. This is something else he could be teased about. I’m going to talk to the girl he was with. I’ve heard some students predict she’ll want to get even with him for saying that. That of course will be between the two of them, and me. But I hope you have realized Jake was doing what you guys all do. He was experimenting, learning about sex, learning about himself. Most teens do some sexual experimenting in their high school years. I imagine many of you boys hearing that radio show were envious as hell, listening to him say what he did. They were wishing they’d been in his place. A lot of the girls might have felt some bitterness at him because he admitted he was using his date for that purpose, but you all know you do the very same thing. You want to know about sex, too. You want to try it. When the opportunity arises, you jump to it, and whether you really like the partner you have isn’t all that important. Or, you want to go to a dance, and if a boy you don’t much like asks you, you accept because you want to go. Same thing. Kids are always doing this sort of thing in high school. The only difference is, Jake talked about it on the radio. Think about it, and you’ll see that what he did is what you all do, to one degree or another, and it was only the fact it was revealed in such a shocking manner that makes it so, so, what’s the word—so fascinating.
“If many of you guys had done what he did in that car, and then were teased about it, you’d probably enjoy it, knowing that it showed how macho you were. Jake didn’t feel macho, he felt bad about the whole thing, bad that he hadn’t been honest with the girl, bad that he had feelings for his friend, bad that he might have got the girl pregnant. How many of you guys would have washed all those problems under the rug and simply told all your friends you’d gotten off with your date? Jake is a better person than that.
“As I just said, Jake talked about being afraid the girl might have become pregnant from what had gone on in that car.”
He paused then, and looked around the room. Kids weren’t looking back at him then, and he smiled. And waited.
When no one spoke, he said, “I’ll bet you anything, if you guys weren’t scared of other kids’ reactions, several of you would be asking, ‘Could she get pregnant from what he said happened?’ You just don’t want to be the one who asks. Okay, I’ll let you off the hook. I’ll talk about that.
“You know I can’t help but talk like a parent preaching to his kid here a little. I have to say that, if you’re not messing around, if you’re a boy and you keep it in your pants, then you have no fears like this at all. But that isn’t what you want to hear. You want to know, could she get pregnant like that? And the answer is, probably not. But it’s possible. Very, very unlikely, but possible. Life has a way of recreating itself against the odds. Seeds blow in the wind, land all over the place where they shouldn’t germinate, yet they do. They land on sidewalks and streets, end up in cracks, set roots and grow. Some fish lay their eggs on the ocean floors, and the males deposit their sperm in the water and let the currents wash it over the eggs, and if the water runs in the right direction at that moment, and is the right temperature, we have more fry than you could believe, even though the odds seem to be against those eggs being fertilized in that manner. From what Jake said, I don’t think he has much to worry about that he’ll be a father next year, but, stranger things have happened. Not what you boys wanted to hear, was it? Or you girls, either?
“But let’s get back on topic, talking about what Jake said on the radio. As for what he said about Mr. Arbadecki, I’ve spoken to him. As you know, he’s a first year teacher. He didn’t realize how everything he does is analyzed and scrutinized by the students. He’s much more aware of that now. I can tell you, with his approval, that he’s happily married, has one child with another one on the way, and he was shocked that he was the subject of the conjectures Jake made on that show. He wants to talk to Jake when he returns, to apologize for giving him and anyone else the wrong impression. He finds the fact that any kid in his class would think he was interested in them sexually to be unbelievable. I talked with him at length. The things Jake interpreted as being true in that class were not as Jake saw them. You can choose to believe Mr. Arbadecki or not. I believe him. Students talk and speculate about their teachers all the time, and rumors fly around the school all the time. The difference here is that Jake’s speculations went out over the air. I’m sure he’ll be terribly embarrassed about that when he has had a chance to put his other problems behind him and think about that. It’s one more burden he has.
“As for looking at Paul in the shower, ‘perving on him’ as Paul called it, well, looking at boys in the showers is what boys do. Most don’t get sexually aroused by it. But all boys look. The fact is, Paul way over-reacted and committed a crime because of his over-reaction. People will be talking to Paul, and perhaps we’ll learn why he did what he did. Whatever his reason, it has to do much more with Paul and his problems and insecurities than it does with Jake. How would each of you in this room like it if your private thoughts were made public, and then people could attack you for those thoughts if they felt like it? Pretty scary, huh?
“I’m about done here. We’re talking about Jake coming back to school, and being accepted as part of our community. From your response, I’m feeling hopeful that might happen, the acceptance part. He isn’t some kid with two heads. He doesn’t have anything anyone can catch. He’s a kid who needs friends and other kids waving at him, not staring at him, kids who will talk to him, not about him behind his back. He needs lots of support. He won’t be back for several days, I’d guess, which gives you guys lots of time to talk about this, and to get used to the idea of having him back.
“Guys, I talked about being proud of you. You’re a great bunch of kids, and I feel very good every day coming here and being a part of this school. I think you take some pride in this school, too. Well, you’re going to have a chance soon to make me even prouder of all of you, and to make yourselves prouder of each other, too. Please think about that. Please do the right thing by Jake when he returns.
“Just one more thing, and then most of you can go. I’ve said very little about Jeremy here. I’m not so concerned about his return. He supported a friend without regard to his own safety. He threw himself against Paul when he’s nowhere the size of him, and did so apparently without even considering his own safety. He saw his friend in peril and did the only thing he could think of to do. I’m sure he elevated himself in all your eyes doing that. He was a hero today. I don’t need to say much about him. However, some people may suggest that if he did that for Jake, he must be gay too. So I just want to say this. Because someone is friendly to and supportive of a gay kid doesn’t mean they themselves are gay. He may be, he may not be, but the thing we know for sure is he’s as loyal a friend as anyone could be, he puts the safety of his friends above his own, and that fact alone should be reason enough for us all to celebrate him.
“All right. If anyone wants to talk to me, my office is always open. The buses are waiting outside, so we need to break this up. Thanks for your attention, and except for those noted, you’re excused.”
The group rose and talking began. As they filed out, their mood was much different than when they’d entered. They were no longer silent or grim, their nerves had settled, and they saw the near tragic fight now in perspective. Mr. Tussaint watched them leave, feeling hopeful.
Mrs. Rogers came over to him. “Good job, boss. I don’t think I could have done that. Certainly nowhere near as well. You really know how to reach them on their level. You got their minds working again. They’ll probably be able get past the violence they saw today. At least a little better now, and who knows? Maybe they’ll even accept Jake.”
“Thanks, Marjorie. We’ll see. We will see. If he comes back. I’ve got to go see him in the hospital.”