Dominos

Chapter 7

Friday Night Radio - Take Two

::Male voice:: “Good evening, and welcome to ‘Teens’ Talk,’ a weekly radio program whose focus is providing the teens in our community with advice and answers to questions of importance to them. 

“Tonight, we are changing our format, just for this week’s broadcast. If you listen regularly to this program, you may well remember the extraordinary call we had several weeks ago from a local teenager who called himself Bradley, and was subsequently, inadvertently, identified with his real name. This was revealed by his mother, who was working as the guest counselor and host for that show. His name was Jacob Andersen, and he had told our listeners that he was gay, along with other revelations.

“Jacob and his mother contacted this station last week. He requested an opportunity to come back on the radio. A lot has happened in his life since that show, and he said he wanted to talk to the listeners who had heard him speak before. 

“After talking to Jacob and his mother, we agreed to give him the opportunity he wanted. So, tonight, instead of our regular program, you will be hearing from Jacob Andersen. He is in studio with us tonight. He has requested that he have a moderator with him for this, and I will perform that function. My name is Jim Phillips, and I am the General Manager at WRLW.

“We’ll return to our regular format next week, and I apologize to those waiting with questions, but we think you’ll like hearing from Jacob.

“One last thing I need to do before we begin. I want to extend my deepest apologies, and those of this station, to Jacob and his mother. We screwed up. That’s the only way to say this. The bottom line is, we screwed up. There is a five second delay built into our broadcast just to prevent what happened on that show. It is supposed to prevent names from being revealed. Our employee failed to do that, failed to break in and cut off that name, Jacob’s name in fact, from being transmitted, and so we didn’t live up to our responsibility. We know this could have done great harm, and in fact it did result in physical harm to two boys, and another boy’s life has been changed as an outgrowth of that failure. We apologize, we have since taken steps to see this doesn’t happen in the future, and we most sincerely thank Jacob and his mother for their understanding.

“Now, having said that, I think we’re ready to begin tonight’s program. Let’s get started. Welcome, Jacob.”

“Hi.” ::Guest voice, not electronically altered, fairly high-pitched and light, sounding very young:: “Uh, I’m Jacob Andersen. Everyone calls me Jake.”

“All right, then, welcome, Jake. You called us and wanted to be on the radio again. What did you want to talk about?”

“I, I guess I have a lot to say. I’m a little nervous. But a lot has happened since I was on the radio before, and I want to say some things.”

::Short period of dead air::

“Okay, Jake, don’t be nervous. Just say what you wanted to tell your audience.”

“All right. It’s just difficult to start. But. . .okay. Here goes.” ::Jake’s voice, nervous, a little shaky:: “I said some things on the radio before, and I want to follow up on them. I caused some problems, and I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean to do that. It just happened. Like, with the girl I talked about, and the sex ed teacher and all. So I wanted to talk about that. Is that okay?”

“You’re doing fine, Jake. Just go ahead.” ::Host voice, warm and supportive::

“Well, okay then. The thing is, I was worried, really worried, that when everyone knew who I was after my mom named me, they’d figure out who the girl was. I’m not going to say her name. I didn’t before, but I knew kids would know, and I was right. Kids at school knew who she was. I thought she would be mad at me, and that she’d be embarrassed and all, and that wasn’t fair of me to do that to her. But you know what? It didn’t work out that way. When I first went back to school after being in the hospital, she came up to me in the hall, right when I had just got to my locker. And I was thinking she was going to hit me, or at least start bagging on me, but you know what she did? She came up to me, and smiled at me, and kissed me on the cheek! She did! I was all scared and all, and she kissed me! 

“She looked at me then, and laughed, because she could see I was scared, and then I blushed. I blush a lot. But then, I somehow got up the courage to ask her why she’d kissed me. And she said she thought I was cute, and since I was on the radio, she was sort of famous now, and a lot more boys were asking her out, and even if it was because of what they thought would happen on a date, she was going out more and having a lot of fun and was more popular, and I was responsible for that.

“Well, because she’d kissed me, and was happy and all that, I got up the nerve to ask what I’d been so worried about. I did. I asked her about if maybe she’d possibly gotten pregnant, and she laughed real hard then, and told me she was on the pill! She wasn’t pregnant! Boy, was I relieved! I really smiled then, and I couldn’t help myself. I got excited and I kissed her on the cheek, too! I had to stand up tall to do it because she’s quite a bit taller than I am, but I did. I did it!”

::Host voice, repressed laughter in it:: “That’s good news, Jake. But, could you tell us what you meant when you said she came up to you when you first got back to school. What did you mean, when you first got back? And what’s this about being in the hospital?”

“Oh. I need to explain, I guess.” ::Jake’s voice, less nervous now, but still high pitched and light toned:: “Wow, that’s a long story. See, when I was calling in to this show, that first time, and then I heard my name spoken, I knew right away how bad that was. Like, really bad, and I was in trouble, and the more I thought about it, the worse it got, and I could see all sorts of things happening, and no way to get out of it. I got more and more scared, and then almost physically sick. My head was sort of spinning, and everything seemed to slow down. I remember walking into the bathroom, thinking I was going to throw up. I didn’t, but I did open the medicine cabinet. There were some old sleeping pills there, and I looked at them, and thought about what would happen when I went back to school. I knew I’d get beat up. I knew I’d get teased and hassled and no one would be nice, or leave me alone. And I didn’t think I could take that. I’m not very brave, and I can’t fight, and I didn’t see how I could stand that.

“So I saw those pills, and I reached up and took down the bottle. I sort of saw my hand doing that in slow motion. Like it was someone else’s hand, almost. It was weird. I dumped a bunch of pills in my hand, but I didn’t know how many to take. I thought maybe about twenty would be right, and I started to count them, but my head was so full of all the stuff I could see happening to me at school, and I was sort of shaking a lot, and I kept getting distracted and couldn’t remember what I was doing. So I just stopped counting. I thought a handful would do it.

“Then I thought I’d have to have something to drink to get them all down. And I looked around, but couldn’t see a glass in the bathroom, and anyway, I like kitchen water and not bathroom water. I know it’s the same thing, but I don’t like to drink bathroom water, it’s from the bathroom, and anyway, there wasn’t any glass there. So I knew I’d have to go to the kitchen, and suddenly I just didn’t have the energy to walk that far, to go downstairs, and then come back up and take the pills and lie down on my bed. It seemed too much effort to do all that. I wasn’t thinking very well right then. My brain wasn’t working right. I was really out of it.

“So what I did instead was, I just went back into my room and sat down on the bed. And I think I sort of spaced out, because the next thing I remember, Jeremy was there. I still had the pills in my hand, and Jeremy was talking to me. He sort of snapped me out of it. And while he was talking, I realized I was still holding those pills, and it embarrassed me, thinking of what Jeremy might say, and I sort of dropped them on the floor between the bed and my nightstand.

“Jeremy saved me. He brought me out of wherever it was I’d gone. If he hadn’t come over when he did, I might have taken those pills. I meant to take them. I would have if I hadn’t been so spaced out and tired.”

::Short period of dead air::

“Jake, does your mother know about this?”

“Uh, I guess she does now. But I didn’t take them. And I won’t. I just was in a really bad place then. I’m fine now.”

“Well, uh, okay, you were going to tell us about what you meant by first getting back to school?”

“Oh, yeah, I was getting to that. I needed to lead up to it is all. See, Jeremy came over and talked to me, and then Mom came home. She was all upset. She didn’t know I was gay. She didn’t know any of the stuff I’d talked about on the radio, and she was mad because I hadn’t told her any of it. She wanted to talk about it right then, but I was still kind of spacey and out of it and all, and wasn’t ready to do that. She’s kind of strong-willed, and might have forced me to talk, but Jeremy was still there. Jeremy saw what was happening, and he told her I wasn’t ready to be yelled at yet, and that surprised the hell, oops, that surprised me a lot because nobody talks to my mom like that, especially not Jeremy who’s a little afraid of her.

“He did say that, though, and that seemed to make a difference because she really looked at me then and said I needed to go to bed, and I did, I was exhausted, and Jeremy said he’d stay with me, and he did. He slept right next to me and held me. He’s like not a bit gay, and he’d just found out I was, and he got in bed with me and held me. He’s the best friend there ever could be.”

::Pause, and sniffling could be heard, and then a nose being blown::

“But then, the next day, we talked.” ::Jake’s voice, shaky, but getting stronger:: “All three of us. We talked about me being gay. That didn’t seem to bother either of them. My mom said she hadn’t suspected, but had lots of gay patients and we’d talk some more about that, but it wasn’t a huge deal or anything. Jeremy wasn’t bothered one way or the other. He was more worried about school. I was too. I told them I couldn’t go back. We talked about that a lot. All three of us, and then just me and Jeremy. They both talked to me all weekend. And I ended up going to school on Monday. They thought I needed to face up to everyone, that by doing so I’d develop some pride in myself that I needed. They thought if I chickened out, I’d run away from things that scared me the rest of my life.

“I thought they were thinking about things that weren’t very important right then and forgetting the big things that were more urgent, things like me getting beaten up. I told them that, and Jeremy told me he’d protect me. He’d be there. He’d walk me to classes as much as he could, and be right with me before and after school. They finally convinced me to go, and I did.

“Then I did get beaten up, and had other stuff happen, too. Just like I was afraid would happen. But I got beaten up pretty bad, and got a concussion. What’s worse than that is, Jeremy did, too. I hate that. And he feels guilty that he didn’t protect me. Can you believe that? He did protect me. Some kids have said if he hadn’t stopped P—uh, I can’t say his name, can I? Okay. Well, some kids have said if Jeremy hadn’t stopped the boy who hit me, he’d have killed me. I can’t stand it that Jeremy got hurt for doing that. Yet he’s mad at himself that he didn’t stop P—that boy—before he hit me the one time. He’s mad at himself!”

::Brief pause::

“Anyway, we both went to the hospital. We were out of school for a week. I had this big headache, and things were blurry for a while, like my eyes wouldn’t focus right, and bright lights really bothered me. Jeremy had the same thing, and his neck was really stiff, and his nose was broken. I feel so guilty that I caused him all that.” ::Jake’s voice, close to breaking::

“All right, this is a good time for a break. You’re listening to Teens’ Talk on WRLW.”

::Five minute commercial break in which there are ads for Seventeen Magazine, acne medication, Guess jeans, McDonald’s, a local driving school, Planned Parenthood and WRLW’s drive time morning show::

“Welcome back to Teens’ Talk on WRLW. With us tonight is Jacob Andersen. Before the break, Jake was talking about returning to school after getting hurt there. Jake, is Jeremy all right now? Are you?”

“Yeah, we’re both much better. Every now and then my head feels a little funny, but that’s happening less and less. Jeremy says he’s fine. His nose is still straight and all, and more girls than ever are hanging around him, so he says things are better than they were before. He says he has to fight them off with a stick, but I don’t see him doing that at all. He doesn’t even have a stick. I’m really happy for him.”

“Well, that’s good, then. And what happened to the boy who hurt you?”

::Jake’s voice, noticeably quieter, less lively, more remote:: “He was arrested. He was held somewhere for a short time, and then released to the custody of his parents. He doesn’t go to my school any longer. I really don’t know that much about him or what happened to him. Mr. Tussaint, our principal, told me last week the boy had called him and they’d talked, and that the boy felt real bad about what he’d done and wanted to apologize to me. Mr. Tussaint said he could set up a meeting if I’d like, but I don’t want to. I want to forget all about it. I talked to Mom about it, and she suggested Mr. Tussaint tell him to write me a letter. She said the boy might need to do something to feel better. That’s just like her, caring about him. But I don’t want to see him, I know that. I’m thinking about what she said, though. Maybe I’ll go with the letter. Mom really wants me to. She said it would be good for me, too.”

“Okay. So you’ve been back to school for a few weeks now. How has it been? Are you being hassled at all about what you talked about on the radio?”

“Do you mean about me being gay?”

“Uh, yes.”

“That was one of the reasons, maybe the main reason, I wanted to come on this show tonight. To talk about that. See, since I’ve been back, I just can’t believe what’s happened. It’s been so great! I was really scared, going back. I didn’t know what to expect. Well, I guess I need to backtrack just a little. I was surprised, because when I was in the hospital with Jeremy, some kids from school came to see me. I didn’t know them very well, most of them, but they came anyway. It was a little awkward because they didn’t seem to know what to say, and I sure didn’t. Except the popular kids. Some of them came, too, and they didn’t seem embarrassed or tongue-tied at all and just talked. But quite a few kids came, and they said they were sorry I’d got hurt, and hoped I’d come back to school when I was better, and they talked to Jeremy, too. I didn’t know them, but it felt really great, them coming in like that. It made me feel a lot better.

“I was surprised, but some kids came each of the three days we were there. And then, when I was home, still recovering, a few kids came there, too, and I got some phone calls, and everyone was nice, and no one said anything about me being gay, or the other thing I said on the radio.”

“The other thing?”

“Yeah, you know, the jacking off thing?”

“Oh, uh, yes, uh. . . .”

“That’s all right, Mr. Phillips. I said it, and I was embarrassed, and I still am, I guess. But I talked to my mom about it, she made me, and man, now THAT was embarrassing. But we talked, and I feel better about that now. And I’m not doing that so much any more, either. My mom says I have more self-confidence now, and that has an effect on that. I don’t know, it IS embarrassing to talk about, so I guess I shouldn’t say anything else, but, I’m not. As much.”

“Uh, okay. Jake, can I say this? I don’t think you’re as shy now as you sounded before.”

“No, Mr. Phillips, I don’t think I am. Just the way I’ve been treated at school has helped, and some of the things me and my mom talked about, I don’t think I am.”

”Okay, good. Well Jake, can we talk about how you’re being treated at school? You said you wanted to talk about that.”

“Oh, yeah. Well, I was surprised that kids were coming over and calling and all, so while I was scared, about going back I mean, I wasn’t sure what was going to happen. Well, first thing, Ker—, uh, the girl I was with when I was with Jeremy that time, like I said before, she came up and kissed me. And I kissed her! And there were other kids in the hall that saw us, and they started calling things out, but you know, they weren’t nasty or mean or anything like that, they were sort of funny, and made me blush but made me feel good at the same time because they were sort of treating me like they’d treat anyone else. They weren’t teasing me in a bad way. I looked around, and kids were smiling at me! And there’s this boy in my gym class, he’s a senior and much bigger than me, and, well, he came over and I’d have been scared if he hadn’t been smiling, but he was, and he high-fived me and said, ‘Welcome back!’ That felt sooooo good!

“And that’s what I wanted to say. That it’s been great. It really has. I wanted to thank everyone at school for that. Thanks! Everyone has been nice to me. No teasing. No being beaten up. I used to sit alone at lunch unless Jeremy sat with me, but now, I’m eating with other kids every day and it’s been so cool. Even in gym class, kids are friendly and I’m not getting picked on. There’s even this one. . . .”

::Brief dead air::

“Jake?”

“I don’t know if I should say this.”

“What is it?”

“Well, I guess it’s all right. In one of my classes, there’s this boy, and he was friendly when I got back like a lot of the kids are now, and he came up to talk to me and told me he was glad I was back and glad I wasn’t hurt too bad, and then he asked me if I’d like some help on the work I’d missed while I was away. I really looked at him then, and he’s got these huge brown eyes, I mean they’re, well, and his hair sort of falls over his ears and down his neck and it’s this really shiny dark brown, real thick and. . . . I went over to his house a couple of times, for extra work you know? And he came to mine, too. And, well, things are going really good right now. Really good.”

“You’re smiling, Jake. It looks good on you. Is this boy gay, too?”

“Gee, Mr. Phillips, you’re embarrassing me. I wanted to know that too, and I finally got up the courage to ask him. I knew he knew I was, everybody knows that, and I thought he’d have to know I was curious about him, and so I thought, why not ask? So I did. You know what he said?”

“What did he say?”

“He looked at me a little surprised, and said he was out at school and thought everyone knew. I told him I didn’t know any other gay kids, even if there were any, and he said he’d not only been out for a year, but had thought everyone knew about him, too. He said he doesn’t try to hide it, and is happier that way.

“So I found out he is gay! I’m still getting to know him, but I can tell, he likes to spend time with me, and even though I’m all caught up with my assignments, he still wants to hang with me. Me and him and Jeremy hang some times. Jeremy likes him a lot and told me—no, I’d better not say that. I don’t want to ruin anything so I’d better not say any more, I don’t want to. . . but, well, I’m real happy and excited about things right now.

::Brief pause::

“I want to change the subject. I wanted to say, I said some things about a teacher, my sex ed teacher. I need to apologize to him. I was wrong. That class he was teaching made me think about sex, and I started imagining things. They weren’t true, and I’m sorry I embarrassed him. He’s a real good teacher, and a nice man, and I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have said what I said about him.”

“All right, Jake. Can you stay a little longer? We have a couple of minutes before our next break.”

“Yes, Mr. Phillips, I’m not done. I wanted to come on the radio and thank all the kids at my school for being so nice and treating me as they have. They don’t have to be, but they are, and because of that, I feel really good. I look back to when I had those pills in my hand, and then where I am today, and, well, it’s amazing. I’m still gay, but it doesn’t seem to bother anyone there. I don’t mention it usually, and neither do they. I think about that when I’m alone sometimes, and, you know, I figured out why I’m so happy now. The way I’m being treated, it’s like I was just any other kid.”

::Slight pause, the sound of a throat being cleared::

“Well, thank you, Jake. Uh, I don’t know if you’re interested, but see all these lights on the board here? Those are all incoming calls. The board is full. The screener says there are a lot of kids who want to talk to you. Do you want to take any calls? We have some time left.”

“Me? Kids want to talk to me?”

“Yes, they do. A lot of them. Why don’t you think about it while we’re on break. This is Teens’ Talk, coming to you on WRLW.”

::Five minute commercial break. Teen pregnancy hotline, Wienerschnitzel, Pepsi One, PS 3 game system, Old Navy, a Disney film, an acne product, a public service message about drinking and driving and WRLW promos::

“And we’re back with Teens’ Talk on WRLW. Jacob Andersen, a 15-year-old, is with us and has agreed to take a few of your calls. As a reminder, there is a five second delay between the live conversation on the telephone and what our audience is hearing, and any remarks not appropriate for the radio will be cut off. Please also be aware that Jake is new to this and be kind and fair in your questions and comments. Your voices will be electronically altered, and please use fictitious names if you want anonymity. First caller, thanks for calling WRLW and Teens’ Talk, what is your fictitious name, please?”

“Hello, I’m, uh, Steve. Jake?”

“Hello, yes, this is Jake.”

”Jake! You’re so cool, man! I was so glad to hear you again!” ::Caller voice, that of an excited male teenager:: “That you’re okay and all. I’m 15 too, and I’m gay. Hey! I’ve never said that out loud before! That feels cool! Hey, I was scared for you when I heard what happened, that first call. I’ve been thinking about you. Well, I’ve been thinking and I was kind of hoping. . . .” ::Caller voice, excited, hopeful, tentative:: “But then you said. . . .” ::Caller voice, excitement waning, fading off:: “Maybe I should just ask; do you have a boyfriend?” ::Caller voice, sounding wistful::

“Uh, Steve, I don’t really want to talk about that, you know? Sorry. I don’t want to ruin anything and, I just. . . I can’t say anything else, you know?”

“Yeah, I know.” ::Caller voice, sounding disappointed:: “Okay, that’s cool. I understand. I hope it works out for you. You’re so cool, guy. Look, I need to bug. I was just wondering, and sort of hoping, you know. . . .”

::Host voice:: “All right. Thanks for calling, Steve. This is WRLW. We’ll take our next caller. Thanks for calling WRLW and Teens’ Talk. You’ll be talking to Jake. State the name you’re using, please.”

“This is Adam. Jake?”

“Hi, Adam. This is Jake.”

::Dead air; followed by an obviously recorded male voice giving the station call letters and the station motto, then a brief pause::

“Jake, I’m sorry. We cut that off. I’m so sorry. I’ve been doing this for a number of years, and people still surprise me with their small-mindedness and prejudices. It’s always disappointing to find there are people who, well, I’d better stop. Dang!” ::Brief pause:: “Let me just say, there are still some people out there that don’t get it.”

“But Mr. Phillips, there are an awful lot that do. I was worried going back to school, but the kids and teachers at my school, they’re great! I know not everyone is, but most are. I’m not going to let a few that feel like that last caller bother me. Not anymore. Not after I’ve seen how it can be. I’m ready for the next call, Mr. Phillips. And watch. This next call will be different. It’ll be okay. Just listen.”

“All right.” ::Host voice, sounding concerned, disheartened:: “Let’s move on. Thanks for calling WRLW and Teens’ Talk. You’ll be talking to Jake. May I have the name you’re using, please?”

“Hi, this is Robert. Can I talk to Jake, please? 

“Hi, Robert.”

“Jake! Hey, I go to your school. You probably don’t know me, I’m a junior, but I wanted to ask you something. I’m in the drama club, and you probably know we’re putting on Oliver Twist this year, and we’ve been talking it over, and I was supposed to ask you if you’d like to be in it. I thought if I asked you on the radio, it might be harder for you to say no. The whole group thought you’d be perfect to play Oliver. Because you’re small and cute, you know? Hey, I didn’t mean anything about being cute. I’m not gay or anything, but you’d be great in that part. Would you be interested?”

“Uh, I’ve never done anything like that. I’ve always been kind of shy.”

“A lot of us were, and still are. But you meet a lot of kids doing this, and it’s a good way to get over it. Look, why don’t you come to our club meeting? We haven’t gone into rehearsal yet, all we’re doing is talking about the play and casting, reading some lines and like that, and you could meet us and decide then. It’s a whole lot of fun. Most of the kids in the club are straight, but a few are gay, and no one minds at all. What to do think?”

“Uh, can I think about it?”

“Hey, that sounds like a polite no. Come on, Jake. You’re famous now, and people would love to see you up on that stage. The whole club is hoping you’ll say yes? Please.”

“Well. . . .”

“Pleeeeeease?”

“Okay, I’ll come to a club meeting. Just to see what it’s like.”

“YES! Okay. That’s tight. It’s Wednesday after school. I’ll come talk to you in school Monday. YES!”

The End