There were two things that pissed Barry Tolliver off that morning. The dull teeth on his chainsaw which he needed to cut all that firewood to get them through the winter, and Mike's friends.
He pretty much had Pat pegged as a gay man. That didn't concern him much since his older brother had reached the same conclusion after a dozen years of marriage. But just having a gay brother didn't do much for Barry's understanding about how such things happened. Had Everett been gay all along?
Those long cold nights when he had shared a bed with Everett came to mind, what they had done was just exploring, wasn't it? At twelve Barry had wanted some understanding of these new feelings his body was kicking out. His brother already knew the details as most fifteen year olds did.
The touching had led to some pretty deep feelings, but the things they did back then just didn't sit well with him now, especially after he knew Everett was gay. Okay, so he had learned about his body and been able to give his brother the attention he desired. But neither of them should have craved it so much, it was plain wrong.
It made Barry wonder if Mike had done anything like that with Pat. Boys were curious creatures and he sure had been once Everett got him started. But he'd only done it because Everett had said it would feel good, and it had for a while. What did that say about him now?
If Mike was having sex with Pat maybe he could understand, after all he had no brothers to further that exploration. If anything it was probably better than going out and getting some girl pregnant. But how would he know if they were doin it…not like he could just ask, was it? Barry supposed he might never find out, but then no one knew about him and Everett and he intended to keep it that way.
Mike was old enough to know what he was doing, he was a strong-headed child, always had been. Barry just hoped his wife didn't get involved, it was just fortunate that she didn't pay much mind to the boy's activities. If Mike was having sex with Pat, Barry knew he wasn't going to stop those things. Neil was another matter entirely.
Just why Mike had latched onto that sissy boy was beyond his understanding. The acquaintance had brought him some work and access to the Dennison's yard and the trees on the back property. All the firewood he would need this winter was coming from those trees since there was a lot of deadwood for the picking.
No, Mike could have brought them the work without making friends with the boy. Neil came off like a little girl and that rubbed Barry the wrong way. Didn't Mike know what that friendship made him look like? It was a blessing that Neil was off at that snooty private school. Mike didn't need that kind of friend around at his school.
It was bad enough that Mike might face being bullied at school if their friendship ever became public knowledge. Barry had to smile at that thought, he knew all about bullies. Everett might have turned out gay but he sure put a world of hurt on Nathan Fallon before graduating.
Every school had its bullies and Nathan certainly tried his hand at that game for a while. Maybe it was because Pop Tolliver was the town's garbage man, but whatever it was sure gave Nathan an attitude. Barry had struggled right from the beginning of ninth grade and he'd barely made it with his poor grades. But he had so many chores, his Dad really didn't seem to care, the fucker.
And dealing with Nathan was just another obstacle to Barry's success in school, an aggravation that would just not go away. Nathan seemed to pick on him every chance he got, probably because he figured Barry's father was some lower form of life on the planet, like he had room to talk. The physical assaults started about halfway through the school year and at first it was only the odd punch here and there.
Barry could deal with a bruise or a scrape, but Nathan wasn't satisfied with stopping there. Everett was aware of Barry's problem, but so many boys faced those challenges and he decided to see what Barry would do. But when Barry didn't get off the bus one afternoon the old man handed him the car keys with the command to go find his brother.
Barry was lashed to the bike rack at school out behind the gym. His face was swollen and covered in blood from the broken nose, both his eyes were bruised and would soon blacken, Nathan had gone too far. Everett decided it was time for it all to end.
Barry wasn't there when it happened but it was something he sure would have liked to see. Everett took care of the bully in short order, even though they were the same age and weight. Nathan didn't return to school that fall…or any other semester for that matter. Once the casts came off Nathan slunk around town for a while and then moved up into Maine to live with his grandmother.
It was the last year that Barry slept with his brother, and he did his best to be grateful for the way Everett had taken care of him. If Barry could remember those feelings so well now it was a good enough excuse for letting Mike have what he wanted with Pat.
Fortunately Neil was too busy to seek Mike's company except on the odd weekend here and there. Their relationship was floundering so Pat invited the boy over for dinner just to see what was going on in his life. Bradford had taken over Neil's life and most of his time, but that was a good thing because it gave him all the time he needed to keep his feelings alive for Jesse.
"So how's this new friend of yours doing…Jesse is it?" Pat asked.
"Yes, Jesse…I'm in love with him," Neil said.
"Oh? But you've only been there a month…no, it's been two now. Damn, it's almost time for Halloween," Mike said. "So what's love feel like?"
Neil smiled. "You were right…it's hard to breathe when he's around. I brought you a picture, but he might be able to come home with me next weekend if his aunt agrees."
Neil pulled out his wallet and handed over the photo.
"Lord…he's beautiful," Mike said, and Pat nodded his agreement.
"He plays the piano…he plays like he's sitting in front of a huge audience, when really all he has is me. I adore him, he's my everything," Neil said, and he looked up into Pat's eyes. "I get it now. I know what you two share."
Pat could only smile, so very happy that Neil had found something grand, something to bring a spark into his life. "I'm glad to hear that, you may bring him for a visit at any time. So he's a concert pianist?"
"No…not yet, but he will be," Neil said. "He writes his own music and I never saw anyone with a memory like his, he can play a fifteen minute piece without a single sheet of music. He'll be accompanying the chorus at the Christmas concert this year, wanna come?"
"That sounds delightful, I'm sure we'd both like to go," Pat said.
Mike was looking at the little picture and smiling. "So tell us, what's he like?"
Neil sighed. "He lives in Philadelphia, but not with his parents. His aunt and uncle sent him to Bradford. I don’t know the whole story yet, but Jesse has two older brothers and three sisters. Living in a house with five other kids who hate you must have been a nightmare. It seems his parents were a real problem."
Neil frowned and Pat knew the story wasn't going to get any better. Jesse obviously had issues at home.
"Jesse says it all started in seventh grade when he told his mother he was gay, or at least he didn't like girls. I don't know why his parents hadn't figured it out even back then, maybe they just had too many kids to think about, but I'm not making excuses for them.
"Jesse learned to play the piano by himself when he was around ten, the only issue being that his hands were just starting to grow along with the rest of him. They didn't have a piano at home but a church up the street from their house did and the reverend let Jesse practice there."
Neil paused and shook his head. "Okay, the guy had ulterior motives and tried to molest Jesse all the time, but he kept going back to use that piano. He feels that was a small price to pay for being able to indulge his passion."
Neil looked back and forth between his two closest friends. These were the only people he could tell about Jesse's life.
"Look, none of this is about judgment. Jesse did what he wanted to further a goal, that's all. I don't think I would understand what it takes to love someone if it wasn’t for you guys. You have love in such abundance that it spills over onto me…and I'm grateful."
"Thank you, Neil…we love you too," Mike said.
Neil wiped at his eyes, this was all so emotional…he needed to move away from the sad feeling and share the joy he found in Jesse.
"Jesse is in three of my classes so I get to see him on a regular basis, Thank God. Last year he was hurt by a boy who loved him and then left him hanging. I think if the guy had even given him a little bit of closure on the relationship Jesse wouldn't have suffered so much.
"But because of that Jesse and I are on the slow road to love…we haven't even talked about sex…I can't force the issue. But he is so loveable and I can hold him for hours. Remember you telling me about the stars? The first time I kissed him I saw stars, I really did. It was incredible…just like him."
Neil took back the photo and looked at it before smiling. "Jesse finally had a chance to use the piano in the theatre for practice, they encourage him, at least Tom does. You met Tom, what a wonderful guy. So one afternoon during activity period he took me over there and I helped him roll the piano out of its case and set it up. It's a gorgeous instrument.
"And then Jesse sat down and began to play. He was so lost in the music it was like I wasn't even there so I just sat down on the stage. And then…Oh God…then I looked up at him performing his music in that vast empty hall and I was lost….totally lost. I knew I was going to love him, I've felt that from the beginning. But that afternoon it hit me full force, I was his, he was mine…I knew I was in love."
Neil was sitting there with tears streaming down his face, happy tears it seemed. And Pat smiled, yes, Neil did understand. For along with total love came the realization that what you had now belonged to someone else…and that could be a little scary the first time around.
Neil wiped his face and Mike went to fetch him some tissues. "I don't know why I'm crying, it's not like I'm sad or anything," Neil said.
Mike laid his hand on Neil's. "Love is the strongest emotion I've ever felt; now you know how I feel."
"Yes," Neil said, wiping away the tears. "I want you both to meet Jesse, I've already told him about you."
"Please, bring him over, he sounds like a very nice young man," Pat said. "You mentioned his aunt might agree to let him come stay with you…why not his parents?"
Neil shook his head. "His parents don't matter anymore, and they don't control him, they don't even want him around. It took a court order to set his parents straight and all because his aunt forced the issue. She and his uncle are more like his parents now.
"His Aunt Diana was always watching Jesse when he came over to visit. The rest of the family had started ignoring him after he came out to his mom and his aunt saw that. But she had a piano in her living room and Jesse would play little things for her every time he'd visit. And then one day Jesse showed up at her house limping and with a black eye. It seems his brothers had beaten him up because he was a little faggot.
"Jesse said his aunt scooped him up in her arms and immediately called for his uncle to come home from work. Jesse was only fourteen at the time." Neil paused and a smile lit up his face.
"I like this part of the story best. His aunt filed child abuse charges again the parents and although it never went to court they were ordered into counseling. By then Jesse had told his aunt and uncle everything…oh, I left out one very important fact. Jesse's uncle is a judge."
"Oh My God, his parents really got it," Mike said.
"Well it changed his life, that's for sure. But his aunt took over everything in Jesse's life, that's what made the real difference. She placed him in Bradford and she had him privately tutored in the piano, everything his life needed to change for the better. He's not even going home for Thanksgiving, he's staying with me."
"Aww, that's so sweet," Mike said.
"What about your father, Neil?"
"My father better learn to keep his mouth shut, I hope he's not even home this weekend. He'll probably be down in Boston again with…no, I won't talk about that. Look, thank you for the dinner but I have to go home and study. And thanks for being my friends. I really think that what I want from Jesse is all because of what I see here…I love you guys."
And they all hugged and kissed before Neil walked out the door. Pat looked down at Mike and smiled. "He loves us, isn't that fine?"
"Yeah," Mike said. "There are so many kinds of love. I can love Neil too but it's nowhere near as good as what we have."
"Do you have any homework to finish?" Pat asked.
"Nope, I just have to be home by ten. Any later than that and Dad will think I'm out racing his truck up and down the back roads. But we have over an hour…you wanna?" Mile asked.
"I always wanna with you," Pat laughed.
Mike had so many needs, just things his father couldn't afford to buy, the foremost being a car. Pat had driven into Littleton two days before while Mike was in school with that very thought in mind. Buying Mike a car seemed practical since it would only make getting together easier, no down side to that. But what would Barry think?
But if Pat bought himself a truck it could be because he needed something stronger and heavier to traverse the roads in bad weather. Seventy five percent of the traffic here was trucks and four wheel drive vehicles, Pat was one of the few who didn't own one. Not that he would approve of Barry using it if Mike brought it home, but the boy could haul firewood which they used in great supply over the winter.
His bank account would allow a truck purchase since Pat had picked up some more work when some of the financial markets consolidated their assets. But he wasn't a fool when it came to business. The economy was headed to hell in a hand-basket thanks to so much speculation. It was a good thing his clients were strong players.
So a truck and insurance, because certainly Barry could not afford to have a teenager on his insurance policy, Pat would have to handle that detail as well. But this was Mike, the love of his life and the very reason he breathed, no expense was too great. Besides, their one year anniversary was coming up.
When Mike finally told Pat good night for the evening it was the warm memory of that last kiss which made him smile as he laid his head on the pillow and snuggled in under the quilt to sleep. Everyone should feel this good about life.
But Neil sat at his desk and saw the figures in his trig book blur before his eyes. God, this subject was going to drive him crazy, he hated stuff like this. Alan had arranged for Barry to tutor him in trig during activity period. The boy was probably the smartest member of the club.
But unlike all the other boys, Barry was tall, overweight and quite plain looking. Neil would never have labeled him gay, and he still wondered about that. At the moment Barry didn't have a roommate, but he was a senior and it didn't seem to bother him.
They'd pushed the two desks together so they could face one another. To Barry any form of math was easy; it was just the way his brain worked. Neil was grateful for the help and it did make his homework easier, but Barry presented a challenge of another sort.
Even as they worked on the problems he could feel Barry's eyes looking at him. Neil was sure the boy was hard as a rock under the desk, the expression on his face seemed to indicate as much. Not that Barry was doing anything down there because he did manage to keep his hands out of his lap. But Neil had no doubt that the minute he left at the end of the session that Barry would be fantasizing behind that locked door. It was plain weird.
But weird didn't describe little Stevie, the ninth grader that had such a crush on Jesse. He was almost too polite about it. The boy lived upstairs in Revere Hall, the freshman dorm. One thing the school had learned was that the younger boys didn't need to be mixing with the older ones downstairs…they might learn certain things too fast.
Not that sex was rampant on the dorms, but some of the boys ran a circuit from room to room. Neil had learned all this inside information from Jesse as the gay boys all thought it quite funny. The boys that identified as straight were just as involved in sex play as their gay counterparts…they were just less open about it.
Jesse said there were three main instigators, all who lived in his hall. In the time between end of classes and dinner someone would spread the word that room eleven or six or four, whichever, was planning to host a circle jerk that evening after lights out.
The dorm proctors lived in their own apartments at one the end of building with their front doors facing the entrance to the hallway. Lights out was at ten-thirty, a mere inconvenience for boys that often stayed up until midnight with their books.
There was a room check when everyone had to be in place, but then they had over an hour before the proctor once again walked the hall. He would randomly open a door here and there, telling a boy to pack it in and go to sleep if he was still up studying. An hour was a long time to gather and relieve the frustrations.
Everyone brought their own pillow for the event, dress was casual, boxers preferred and tissues were provided. Jesse said he had never been in one, but he had watched several. Frank liked to attend, but by that late hour he was usually well into his studies.
A circle was considered a success if at least six boys showed up and sometimes there were as many as ten. There was usually an object provided, a photo torn from a nudie magazine was popular. It not only gave the boys a means of focus on the activity at hand, it provided an excuse for what they were doing.
Sometimes the boys used the circle to study others, and private activities were spawned from that meeting. There was little said by the participants since time was precious. The occasional slap of flesh and a bit of moaning and groaning as they reached the finish line was all that was required. Each boy put a dollar in the pot and the last one to finish was the winner. It took a lot of effort to finish last if you were a gay boy. The sight was inspiring, Jesse said.
He was also sure the freshmen lay in the dark and silently masturbated alone, at least that's what he'd done after he arrived. He'd shared a little jerk off action with another boy or two, but Frank's incessant masturbatory habits made it easy for Jesse to quickly toss himself off.
By now Neil was sneaking onto the dorm early in the morning as the boarders were getting up for their showers and breakfast. Frank was usually in the shower, probably playing with himself to get rid of that morning wood, and Neil would slide in the room and quietly close the door.
Jesse was usually asleep, huddled under the blankets all curled up in a ball. Neil would slide the thermos of illicit coffee out from under his jacket and pour them each a cup. Then he would lean in over Jesse and kiss his cheek, or whatever part was exposed.
It was the same every morning. Those big brown eyes would open and Jesse would smile up at him.
"Good Morning, Sunshine," Neil would say and then Jesse would throw back the covers and sit up rubbing his eyes. He would look up as Neil handed him the coffee, two creams, no sugar, and he would smile yet again. Jesse smiled a lot these days, it warmed Neil's heart.
Those first few times Jesse had seemed embarrassed to throw back the blanket, he was often erect. But then he and Neil had shared their equipment in the showers over at the gym and that became less of an issue. Seeing the boy he loved clad only in boxers each morning always gave Neil a thrill.
They were fairly well matched in all dimensions, but that had yet to become any part of the relationship and Neil respected that. All in good time he assured himself, this morning ritual was just the beginning. In a very short time Neil had discovered one very important thing about the boy he loved, Jesse was an incurable romantic.
The adoring glances, the little sighs, and the smiles…yes, those smiles, each of them came from Jesse's heart and gave Neil assurances that he was on the right track. Jesse was emotional, attacking that piano with furor in all the right places while his quiet passages were exquisitely soft and expressive. His innermost feelings flowed through his fingers into that magnificent instrument.
So as Jesse went about his routine of dressing and brushing his hair, Neil would be there to watch and learn how significant each little move seemed to be. Jesse bathed once a day, usually after gym class. Of course that meant he was naked in Neil's presence and they admired one another from across the tiled room.
Neil always smelled of soap and shampoo each morning, not so Jesse. The boy had a scent, a musk that seemed to surround him and Neil began to understand that it was his natural odor. It wasn't strong, it wasn't unpleasant, it was just Jesse. His body seemed to offer Neil's senses a multitude of stimulations and that smell was simply divine.
Then once Jesse was clothed and brushed, he would take out this box from his dresser and pin on his little rainbow flag. Neil would walk over and Jesse would affix its twin to his collar. Neil was out now, a gay boy, and everyone seemed to know of his love for Jesse.
Neil didn't wear the pin at home because it would aggravate his father. No, having Jesse do this each morning was a part of their ritual, just like the kiss that followed. Their timing was always right on, because just as they managed to lock lips Frank would return with a towel wrapped around his waist and look at them.
"Oh, Jeez," He would moan, and Neil would only press his lips against Jesse's harder as they both tried to keep from laughing. "Get a room guys," Frank would groan, but he was laughing with them. Then he would don his clothes and the three of them would go down for breakfast. And there they would encounter little Stevie, the ninth grade version of the Jesse fan club.
The boy always managed to find a seat at their table where he could keep an eye on Jesse. After six weeks he had become a fixture of morning life, but he was never an aggravation. If the boy noticed that four or five of them at the table were each wearing a little rainbow flags he never said anything about it.
He was a freshman, and by tradition that meant he was ignored. Because by that same time honored school tradition, if he were to be recognized then he would face a certain amount of hazing. But Stevie was cute as a button…it just needed to be a button on someone else's coat for a while. In time someone would find out what the boy was all about, and if gay he would be given his own pin to wear. For now he was relegated to the position of their mascot.
On Friday morning Neil arrived at school and with his usual grace climbed the stairs of Revere Hall and slipped into the dorm. Half naked boys were everywhere, heading to and from the shower, snapping towels at one another and exposing their finest assets. But Neil only nodded at the greetings since he was accepted here, and by now everyone knew his destination.
He slid into room nine and placed the thermos on Jesse's desk, glancing at the sleeping boy. And there on the desk he saw the permission slip, Jesse Reardon had been given permission to stay the weekend with Neil Dennison. Neil noted the dates and time, Jesse didn't have to be back until classes on Monday morning.
Three nights was all Neil could think about, three nights with this amazing young man in his arms, and he wanted to explode. It would be the first time he would be totally alone with Jesse, in his bed, in his arms and…and he had no idea how it would end up. Would they…could they? Did Jesse even want to?
It would be Halloween on Saturday night, almost two months to the day that he'd met Jesse and stared into those eyes for the first time. He didn't want Jesse to feel any pressure, he was bringing the boy home so that they could relax and share quality time…he couldn't expect anything else to happen.
They hadn't talked about sleeping together and all its ramifications. But Neil had set the stage, the pool house was ready and waiting if…and what a big if that was. His mother knew something was up, she knew Neil felt something special for the boy he was bringing home. But Neil had also spent three weeks begging her to have the old piano in the living room tuned and she finally got the message, it was ready.
Neil sat on the bed and looked down at Jesse and knew this boy had changed his life. He leaned down and kissed Jesse's cheek, and the eyes popped open.
"Good Morning, Sunshine." And the best day of Neil's life had just begun. The day seemed to float by and Neil did his best to focus on the classroom work. Elias praised him for creative imagination on a paper he'd turned in and Professor Poole seemed to like his workup on the ecology project. Only Simmons gave him a curt nod when he turned in his trig homework. "The Ice Queen," as the class dubbed her was rarely emotional about anything.
But nothing could dampen Neil's spirits today, although he stumbled a bit when he found Stevie crying in the Men's room after lunch.
"What's up, little man?" Neil had asked, standing at the urinal. He had walked in the bathroom and seen Stevie at the sink staring into the mirror with tears on his face.
"Nothing…everything," Stevie said. "God, you are so lucky."
Neil washed his hands and considered that statement. He figured the boy was talking about his relationship with Jesse. But Neil thought Stevie had relaxed on that subject once the other boys at the table had begun talking to him.
"You want to talk about it?" Neil asked. He dried his hands and placed a hand on Stevie's shoulder. "Come on, we have the time."
He led the boy down the hall and took the stairs to the first floor. Across the hall the door to the 'Time Out' room stood open, no one was using it. Teachers used it for mild punishment, students for moments just like this…adolescence could be a painful time of life and Bradford had a place even for that. Neil guided Stevie into the room and shut the door. The large glass window would show the room in use, it was not a place for make out sessions; it was a place to talk.
Stevie sat in one of the wooden chairs looking down at his hands resting in his lap, while Neil sat on the desk looking down at the boy. "Having a bad day?" Neil asked.
"Yeah, why…I mean, how do you know where the feelings come from? You know, love and stuff like that," Stevie asked.
Neil sighed. "I don't really know, your mind, your heart…emotions are pretty strong in all of us sometimes. Something got through to you, what is it?"
Stevie looked up at him, the tears back in those oh so blue eyes. Without his glasses Stevie was just so adorable, his blond hair cut a bit too short and yet feathered perfectly each day. Neil knew the boy tried to maintain his looks. It was hard being a boarder and too easy to just let it all go.
"I can't seem to figure things out and I don't have anyone to tell me about stuff. You…well, you have so much confidence. I didn't think you wanted to bother with me crying on your shoulder."
"Stevie, I listen very well. You can tell me anything you want and I'll keep it between us," Neil said.
"I'm sorry…I just thought you would be mad at me for the way I…the way I look at Jesse, I know he's your boyfriend and all," Stevie said.
Neil smiled. "You've never made me feel uncomfortable about it. It's okay for you to admire Jesse, I understand."
Stevie sighed. "I don't know why I have these feelings about him, he's just so beautiful, everything about him is just so perfect, you are lucky…so very lucky…"
"I think that every day, Stevie…Steve. I have to ask, do you think you're gay?"
Steve wrung his hands. "I guess…I don't know. I've never done anything. Why, do you think I am?"
"What I think isn't important, Steve. You're what…going on fifteen? This is the time when those feelings inside start to mean something. You're not a little kid anymore and those feelings have to be telling you something about yourself. Look at the way you feel about Jesse."
"Yeah…I do think about him a lot," Steve said, and then he began to blush.
Neil smiled. "It's okay; we all get those feelings, too."
"You don't mind? I mean all I have to do is lie in bed and think about him and…Oh God, I can't tell you about that, I'm sorry."
Neil laughed. "Steve, who do you think is on my mind when I masturbate?"
Steve smiled. "Yeah, but he's your boyfriend."
"Have you ever done anything with another boy…kissing…anything at all?" Neil asked.
"No…but I think about it. Girls never seem to affect me like that. I just think there's something so special about being in love with another boy. I want to try anyway," Steve said. "I guess that does make me gay."
"Well don't be afraid of it, this is the place to try out those feelings," Neil said. "Are there any boys you happen to like just a little besides Jesse?"
"Yeah, there's this boy Terry on my dorm, he's yummy," Steve said. "I sat and talked with him a lot on Mountain Day, and that was so cool."
"Terry may not be gay, Steve…I haven't heard anything about him."
"It's okay, I just need someone to be with, he looks at me in the shower, maybe he's bisexual?"
Neil smiled, reached for his collar and removed the rainbow pin. "Here, I want you to have this. You know that wearing it tells the others how you feel, and at Bradford that's a good thing. It doesn't mean you have to go around trying to get in everyone's pants, but maybe it will tell Terry something very important about how you feel, the rest is up to you. So stand up now."
Steve stood up and Neil pinned the little flag on his shirt collar, and again he saw tears glistening in the boy's eyes. "Oh God, I'm gonna cry again," Steve said.
"It's okay to cry, but you don't feel the same way any more, do you?" Neil asked.
"No, I don’t…thank you. I don't have an older brother…you are just so special," Steve said.
And then he threw his arms around Neil and they hugged. Yes, little Stevie was now Steve and he could take his rightful place at their table. Neil felt the boy's affection with gratitude; it was good to be there for someone.
Then he looked up at the window in the door and saw Jesse standing there, nodding and smiling. Neil smiled back and Jesse blew him a kiss before disappearing. Oh shit, they had classes.
Neil sat down in history class beside Jesse and saw that same sweet smile. "You did a good thing, I saw some of it," Jesse said.
"And now we are eight," Neil said, and then class began.
Neil managed to tell Barry about what Steve had finally declared. The big guy smiled and said he would talk to the boy over the weekend. As for Terry, Barry thought the boy was sitting on the fence, being bisexual here was a good thing, at least for Steve. At least the boy would have some instant friends as a member of the club and it might make a difference in his life.
Jesse had already packed for the weekend and so they cut gym class and rolled out through the gates around three-thirty. The boy admired Neil's Jeep and then relaxed as they drove through Littleton.
"Mike ought to be home from school about now, he'll probably head straight to Pat's…well, straight as any gay boy can be," Neil laughed.
"So, dying to show me off already, huh?" Jesse said.
Neil blushed, it was pretty obvious. "I…I just don't want you to be uncomfortable around my friends."
Now it was Jesse's turn to laugh. "You're the one who looks uncomfortable not me, sure, let's go see your friends. I won't mind if you show me off one bit."
"I love you, Jesse. You're so very important to me, I want you to know that," Neil said.
Jesse slid over in his seat, the shoulder strap holding him back, but he slid a hand on Neil's thigh and held it there. "I want to be special for you…I think you know that. I love you too, that's part of why I want to be with you this weekend. Just be patient with me, please."
Neil smiled…his eyes on the road. "I'll be anything you want me to be just as long as you love me."
Neil pulled in the driveway at Pat's and saw the Subaru sitting there beside a late model Chevy pickup much the same color as his Jeep. He rolled to a stop just as Mike's head popped out of the truck and looked his way. Pat came out of the house carrying a roll of paper towels and a bottle of glass cleaner.
Neil and Jesse got out and walked over. "You like it? Pat just bought this truck for me," Mike said, his joy evident…and then he stopped, his eyes looking straight at Jesse.
"You must be Jesse, Neil's told us all about you," Mike said. "Nice to finally meet you."
"Pat…Mike, this is Jesse…" Neil began.
"Jesse Reardon, I'm Neil's boyfriend…nice to meet you both," Jesse said, enjoying the look of surprise on Neil's face.
Mike laughed and gave Jesse a hug, Pat did as well. "Welcome, Jesse," Pat said. "What's the matter, Neil…cat got your tongue?"
"No," Neil laughed and put his arm around Jesse's waist. "This guy just likes to shock me sometimes. I didn't know he was just going to up and say that right away."
"The company is gay, it just felt right," Jesse said. "Nice truck, Mike."
"It's been almost a year since Pat and I got together, this is his anniversary present, even if it is a month early," Mike explained.
"He needs a good set of wheels, winter's coming," Pat said.
"Yeah, unfortunately," Neil said. "Well at least you won't have to ride that damn bus to school anymore, Mike."
"Hey, yeah…didn't think of that, it's okay if I drive it to school, isn't it?"
"Sure, baby, that way you can come straight here afterwards," Pat said.
"Oh yeah, they got it goin on," Jesse said, and they all laughed.
They stayed until five, and then Neil had to take Jesse home knowing his mother expected them for dinner around six. Neil's father would probably be there, he was sure to get some looks from the man with Jesse present. He didn't warn Jesse about his father's feelings because the boy might not have come. But he would do all in his power to suppress any hard feelings…this had to be the perfect weekend.
He drove them slowly through town and turned left towards the river instead of back towards his house. He wanted a moment alone with Jesse and so he turned off into the scenic overlook and threw the Jeep in park, leaving the engine running for heat. Across the river basin the valley spread out towards the mountains in the distance. The trees were almost bare this late in the year, the view towards the snow capped peaks un-obscured.
"That's Mt. Washington over there," Neil said, "I took Pat and Mike up there a few days before Thorne accepted me to Bradford. It's a good thing really because he asked me if I'd seen anything lovely that week. I didn't know you then, Jesse, or I would have told him the most beautiful thing I've ever seen was you."
Jesse unsnapped his seat belt and was in Neil's arms, their lips pressed tightly and the shared feelings finally had a moment to be expressed. "You're so good to me," Jesse said once they parted. "I do love you."
"You've never called me your boyfriend before," Neil said. "Everyone at school thinks that but you just said it right out."
"Everyone is right, I can't deny what we feel any longer. I want to sleep in your arms tonight, and I think I'm ready to be loved by more than the words we share. It's time for that; you've come a long way towards healing the pain I had inside. I admire your patience…thank you."
Neil wanted to scream with joy. Yes, they would share love, and for Jesse's sake Neil was so glad he knew how to make that special. He leaned back in for another kiss and they held it for a long time. He could worship this boy, this young man, and now they would have something that they shared with no other. Being in love was everything and loving Jesse would give that new meaning.
He pulled in the driveway and saw his father's car parked in the drive. Crap, here we go, Neil thought.
"Oh great, my father is home," Neil said.
"Is this a problem?" Jesse asked.
"His problem, not ours…mom is on my side and she rules," Neil said.
"Then I'll shake hands with him and give her a hug, I don't want this to be a problem for us, Neil."
"No, sweetie…he's got no room for causing us any problems, we hold the cards."
Neil's father was gruff at the meeting, but he shook hands and went back to his newspaper. Nora hugged Jesse and admired the boy's looks. No wonder Neil was in love, the boy was stunning. Oh, Neil hadn't said anything directly, but a mother knew and she understood why he couldn't take his eyes off Jesse.
Neil took Jesse outside to see his room, it was all warm and snug in there now. Jesse understood why Neil had moved out here, the father didn't seem very receptive. So this is where it will all happen, Jesse told himself. He knew they would consummate their love on this bed and life would be different, better. It was time for him to love again, love without boundaries meant he could be what Neil desired…and what he wanted in his life again.
Jesse sat across the table from Neil during dinner and tried very hard not to look directly at Mr. Dennison. Nora understood and engaged him for most of the hour, taking about the town and asking Jesse about Philadelphia.
"We live in Springfield actually, just outside the city," Jesse said. "My aunt's house was built in 1783 right after the Revolutionary War. The walls are solid stone about two feet thick, it's really amazing."
"So an historic home, I always loved seeing those places when we traveled."
"My uncle says they have to be very careful about keeping the place up, the historical society comes by every so often to look around and he doesn't want them upset," Jesse said.
"Jesus, a man ought to be able to do what he wants with his own home," Neil's father said.
It was the first time the man had directed anything towards Jesse and so he turned to reply. "I think he wants to keep the tax deduction the house allows them, sir," Jesse said.
"Well, that's a smart move anyway. So you don't live with your parents?"
"No sir…it didn't work out between us," Jesse said. "My aunt placed me at Bradford."
Neil was waiting for some crack; some snide remark about the reason for Jesse's situation but it never came. As dinner ended and he helped his mother clear the table while Jesse assisted.
"So I assume you play the piano, that explains why Neil had me bring in the tuner like it was some kind of emergency," Nora said.
Jesse looked at Neil with shock. "You did what?"
"I just got the piano tuned in case you wanted to play this weekend, that's all," Neil replied.
"I'd like to hear you play," Nora said. "Neil says you're very good."
"Thank you, but are you sure Mr. Dennison won't mind?" Jesse asked.
"He won't mind at all," Nora said, and her smile said he had better not.
Neil led Jesse out to the living room and there in the corner stood a baby grand, seven feet long Jesse guessed, unusual. The cover kept him from seeing the instrument, but he did see the smile on Neil's face and almost held his breath as Nora removed the cover.
"My mother gave this to me, I did play a bit as a child but it hasn't been played in years. The tuner was amazed at how well preserved it is, it just has a lot of sentimental value for me," Nora said.
Jesse was stunned. For there on the facing above the keys was the word Bosendorfer, this was one of the premier piano makers in the world.
"Jesse?" Neil said. "What's the matter?"
"My God…do you know what you have here?" Jesse said, pulling out the bench and sitting down. "This is…this is one of the best pianos in the world."
"Mother said it was a great piano," Nora said.
"Mrs. Dennison, this is more than a great piano. Franz Liszt played one of these, you know, The Hungarian Rhapsodies?"
The comment drew only blank stares and so Jesse launched into his favorite. "Dum…da da de dum," Jesse played and the wonderful sound of the piano absorbed him until he was lost in the music. On and on, his fingers caressed the keys, playing the melody composed by one of the world's greatest piano virtuosos, and Jesse became one with him.
Neil looked over at his father and saw the man sitting there with the paper in his lap and his mouth all but open in amazement, they were all stunned. All but Neil, who knew that Jesse was doing this for them, for their love and to prove himself worthy in the eyes of Neil's parents. Well it was working and Jesse finally just stopped, his hands resting on the keys.
He looked up at Nora. "I'm sorry, I got a bit carried away there…you have a wonderful instrument here."
Nora nodded. 'My God,' she thought, 'this boy is a prodigy.' "How did you ever learn to play that well?" She finally asked.
"I worked on learning pretty much by myself, but then my aunt got me a teacher so I could learn the proper fingering and stuff. I just like the way the keys feel under my fingers," Jesse said.
Neil's father got up and left the room, they could hear his footsteps going upstairs.
"Should I stop playing now, I don't want to disturb him," Jesse said.
"Play that thing you did last week, the soft piece," Neil suggested.
"The Beethoven? You're such a romantic…I'll play it, but his music makes me sad, such a tragic ending to a brilliant career as a composer," Jesse said. "I couldn't imagine going deaf."
Jesse placed his fingers on the keys and began to play the soft notes of the Moonlight Sonata. Neil looked on, feeling the tears come to his eyes like they had last week. That was when he had sat on a stool in the crook of the Steinway at school while Jesse played this piece, not once looking down at his hands, his eyes glued to Neil's face.
And Neil had felt the emotions wash over him, the music and Jesse all at one time, and the tears had rolled down his cheeks. Jesse had smiled at the offering, knowing that it was more than his music that affected Neil that day. It was the moment Jesse finally understood that he could love this boy and not get hurt once again.
And as that first movement ended Jesse stood up, feeling like he had done enough for the evening. Nora hugged him and quickly left the room with her thoughts so Neil could be alone with his love. If ever two boys loved one another she had seen the expression of it in that very room. It was as if Jesse held Neil captive with his music when she was sure it was the boy himself that Neil adored.
It was like watching a great love scene play out, the two of them locked in a struggle of minds and hearts. She couldn't imagine that they had shared anything else, where would they? But that love was here now and alone in the darkness of the pool house she knew the fire of their passion would consume them. It was fine; it had to happen before they both burst into flames by spontaneous combustion.
She had felt such passion before in her own life, but not with Clayton. No, this was a marriage of convenience, mostly his, the self-centered prick. Maybe he just ought to go down and live in Boston with that bimbo he'd met. He wasn't fooling her one bit, and Neil certainly didn't need the man in his life, he now had Jesse. She went in her own bedroom and shut the door.
Neil reached out for Jesse's hands and kissed his fingers. "God, sweetie…you're the sexiest thing alive when you play like that."
Jesse giggled. "I love it when you talk dirty to me."
Neil laughed, still holding those hands. "Let's go watch a love movie and see if we can learn anything," He suggested.
Jesse smiled. "I'm sure we both know more than we're willing to admit, but fine…I just want to hold you."
They put on their coats for the short walk and dashed out to the pool house. Neil had moved everything down here, his television, stereo and computer sat to one side, the bed on the other wall and the old couch and chair he'd conned off his mother. The pool house was warm now, a lot of that was due to his efforts of adding two inches of foam insulation to the outside walls under the new siding, and another twelve inches of batting in the attic space.
In fact it was warm enough for Neil to walk around in his boxers if he chose, but it was still early, winter would give him the real test very soon. But even at twenty-eight degrees outside at that moment Neil felt just fine in here at a warm seventy degrees.
"I need a shower before we sack out," Neil said.
"You want some company?" Jesse asked. "We may shower together at school but I've never been able to touch you."
Neil smiled. "Oh yeah, the touching part will become very necessary I believe…I'll wash your back. Maybe we ought to do it now, the water heater is kinda small and it takes a while to recover."
"Hmm," Jesse said. "What else takes a while to recover?"
Neil laughed. "Don't tease me boy, I just might discombobulate on you."
"Oh? Is that anything like an orgasm?"
"Now you are teasing, let's do this," Neil said, and he started to undress.
They both watched each other, the act familiar, the place not at all. They both stared for a moment as the final piece came off leaving then both bare, but Neil turned towards the bathroom and Jesse followed. Like good boys they washed themselves and each other, trying not to look down, trying not to become aroused so soon…and failing miserably.
Neither of them was circumcised, a sign of the times, but it didn't matter. Those soldiers were at attention with hats off. Jesse swept his hair back after that final rinse and Neil pushed his back behind his ears.
"You ever want to grow yours longer?" Jesse asked.
"Yeah, I was about to ask, have you ever cut yours?" Neil replied.
"I get it trimmed, but it's been like this for years…sorta pissed off the old man and I liked doing that," Jesse said.
"It's nice, you take good care of it," Neil said, taking a step forward and placing his hands on Jesse's shoulders. "But those eyes…Lord, I get lost in those eyes. You are so beautiful…"
Neil's tongue was down Jesse's throat when he felt the water on his back start to cool off. Damn water heater. Neil reached back and pushed the lever down, shutting off the flow of water…he didn't want the moment to end. But Jesse pulled back. "Let's go finish this in bed," He suggested, and Neil could only agree.
Neil slid a DVD in the player and started a movie, something to fill the background.
"Oh, Titanic, I haven't seen that in a while. Leo is such a dream boat all by himself," Jesse said.
"Say what you want, he can't have you," Neil said as they slid beneath the covers.