The light through his curtains told Neil it was still early, too early to get up and yet too late to go back and sleep another four hours. Sometimes his Saturdays were spent mostly in bed, but then his mind focused on the warmth lying next to him. Jesse. That single word caused his heart to skip a beat and the emotions of the night before all flooded back into his mind.
They had stayed up late, long after Leo had yelled about being 'King of the World' and the ship sank. They both knew the film, they weren't paying attention. They had fed their passions and then allowed them to cool, several times as Neil remembered.
In that first passage of time Neil had tried to give Jesse all the bottled up energy he'd held inside, and then the boy returned the favor. It was as if the very heavens had reached down to lift him on high, and he was sure Jesse felt much the same. In all the hours he had watched Jesse play he had seen that passion for music overwhelm the boy at times. That same passion had been with them time and time again last night, it was the greatest experience of his young life…and it wasn't over yet…so he slept.
Jesse knew that Neil woke up, and yet he didn’t react. He finally heard the soft breathing resume and yet he lay there staring at the wall. Last night everything had gone perfectly and he had allowed himself to give in to the emotions once again. Those were feelings he had been afraid were gone, erased by Stephen’s callous departure last year.
* * * * *
He had been depressed all summer. At first he had waited for Stephen to call, to email, anything to say that what they had shared was still on the boy’s mind. But there had been nothing, nothing at all. Being gay in his family was hard enough, and then there was this rejection.
The rejection that came into his life after he revealed that little gay secret to his mother was harsh and Jesse had no companions during that time. He knew other boys were experimenting, even his brothers jerked off in the silence of their room. But although he could hear the muffled groans at night it brought him nothing and he knew they would just as soon hit him if he called attention to their activities.
But then his aunt took him in and things changed. His admission to Bradford had been like a gift from heaven. The school presented him with greater opportunities than just being a gay boy with desires.
The frustration of the freshman dorm was alleviated by Frank, his roommate from day one. Tom had a hand in the assignments, especially when it came to his young gay charges. Putting two gay boys together might have seemed like a recipe for disaster except for what he saw in their school records. Jesse was the artist and Frank the jock which didn't give them much in common except for their sexual feelings.
He sat them down and explained why he thought it would be good for them to room together. Tom was a good judge of character and knew they would be gentle to one another. He was right and they became good friends and not lovers. But both aspired to seek out other boys. It made for some lively bedtime talks in their room after lights out.
Like most of the new freshmen, Jesse played with himself rather than trying to break down the barriers the school placed between him and the older boys. Frank made him feel welcome, and once, but only once, they engaged in a bit of shared play.
Not that he found Frank unattractive, but Tom was right, they were just too different to get in bed together, at least until the lights went out. It was the middle of winter when the power went down for about six hours. Jesse could tell that the heat was off and he knew it would get cold in their room very fast.
"Frank?"
"Yeah…what?" Came the sleepy response.
"Power is out, it's getting cold in here," Jesse said.
"Oh shit, I thought something had changed. How long do you think it will last?"
"Oh a few hours maybe, long enough to freeze our asses off."
"Shit…uh, Jesse, can I come down there?" Frank asked.
"Sure, let's share body heat," Jesse replied.
Frank's feet were cold when he crawled in, bringing his own blanket down as well.
"Hmm, you feel warm…oops, sorry," Frank said as something poked Jesse in the stomach.
"Lord, everything makes you hard," Jesse giggled.
"Uh…well, it's been a while. You know…you feel good. Is that a bad thing?"
"No, Frank…it isn't going to go away unless you do something, is it?"
"This is so embarrassing," Frank said.
"No, I have a horny roomie…not like you can help it. You want me to help you out?" Jesse asked.
"Let’s not start anything like that. Just don’t laugh at me while I do it. "
Jesse smiled in the darkness. "No laughing, I get it. Maybe I’ll join you."
"That would be inspirational." And so it was.
Eventually Frank sighed and rolled over. "Good night, roomie." But Jesse was already asleep. The power came back on two hours later, but Frank slept on with his arms around Jesse. It was a singular moment, a once in a lifetime event. But Frank felt affection for Jesse and this had sealed their relationship…friends for life.
Finally that freshman year was over and they no longer felt like outcasts. Summer took them in different directions, but both knew they wanted to be roomies again come fall. And it was up to Jesse to make that happen, but by then he had the inside track to Tom's heart through his music.
Weekends were a boarder's greatest time of restlessness and boredom. It was then that they missed home and friends the most, it would often be two days of hell and sometimes that fed the riot of sexual expression. Boys fooled around more on the weekends, except maybe when snow covered the ground.
Dr. Thorne's solution was work, a sharing of camaraderie with snow shovels in hand. The quad was filled with snowman building contests and snowball fights. Ski trips and ice skating forays were arranged, there was really quite a bit to do. Bradford was very familiar with the needs of its boys, and it was all focused on building kinship. They were all just one big family.
Jesse used the time to practice his piano, and more than once Tom dropped what he was doing to listen. Just as one day Neil's mother would understand that the boy was a prodigy in the making, Tom quickly knew he had something very special here.
Whenever several of the students gathered to work on scenery for a play, or set up lights for a production, Tom allowed Jesse to occupy his own corner of the stage to practice. Jesse had combed the music room for sheet music and the little that was available was quite familiar to him by the middle of his freshman year. And then Tom invited him to the house for dinner one Friday afternoon.
By faculty tradition the boys were feted one at a time here and there around the campus.
Tom felt it was time to bring Jesse closer since the boy had settled into school life by now. But as a gay adult, even with Jack by his side, he worried about the emotional appeal the attentions of an older gay man would have on the younger boys.
So many of them felt their difference and yet had not totally expressed it in a relationship. To have a gay boy look at him with adoring eyes would require some slow gentle talk about the nature of those feelings, it had happened before. Tom could not allow the boys to continue thinking along those lines. He was here for their benefit, not to benefit from them. From what he saw, Jesse had never developed feelings towards him, and that in itself was a curiosity.
It would not be a one on one dinner, Jack and a half dozen of the music students would be there. But it was time to bring Jesse into the fold because he enjoyed the boy's style and grace. And at least he had a reason for this invitation, he wasn't sure Jesse would figure it out and that would be part of the fun.
Not that he could ignore the beauty so apparent on Jesse’s face; both he and Jack had talked about that. Every so often the school would be graced by an outstanding talent in a boy with both the looks and the brains to go far in life. Jesse was just such a boy.
Jesse appeared at six, prepared to sit down to a meal with friends, what he got was an impromptu birthday party. He had told no one that he was turning sixteen, the card from his aunt and uncle was the only form of recognition he had received. But Tom knew this was a special occasion and boarders felt it the hardest when they were so far from home.
The look in Jesse's eyes was all the reward Tom needed for this small effort, the tears he expected. So when Jesse walked in and everyone yelled Happy Birthday the water works commenced, it was a very emotional moment for him, he was loved.
Tom led Jesse back to the bedroom and sat him down. With his arm around the boy he allowed the sobs to continue for a while, crying was good therapy. He managed a wet wash cloth when the tears subsided, and now they had to talk about it.
"It’s okay, Jesse, we all cry at emotional moments," Tom said.
"I…I feel so silly," Jesse said.
"No, it's okay really, I understand."
"My aunt sends me stuff, the rest of my family doesn't care," Jesse said.
Tom swallowed his own moment of emotion at that statement. The boy was dear, a precious and very talented kid. Not having the support of his parents was a devastating blow he was sure. Thank God someone cared for him. His presence at Bradford showed at least someone knew enough to get the boy into something worthwhile.
"Jesse, I think sixteen is a very important point in a boy's life. You're on the cusp of manhood, your whole life is about to change. You'll always be loved in this house, don't ever forget that. I'm going to enjoy watching you grow into a fine young man. So don't let the emotions about the past bring you down, the future is where we are all headed."
He placed a hand on Jesse's chin and raised the boy's face until their eyes met. "I am so lucky to know you." And then he leaned down and placed a kiss on Jesse's cheek. "Happy Birthday, and many more to come."
The boy hugged him and Tom smiled as he smelled that freshly washed skin and the tumble of brown hair tickled his nose. He looked up and saw Jack smiling at him from the doorway. He had seen Tom comfort many a boy in the past fifteen years of their life together. It only solidified his love for the man.
"So come on, Jesse," Tom said, patting the boy on the back. "Your friends are waiting. We have a dinner to eat and a cake to consume…you ready now?"
No one laughed, no one even smiled outside the norm when Jesse returned to the living room. Being boarders they each had endured this moment in time on their own, they understood and now they could move on.
The meal was great and Jack was applauded for his efforts in the kitchen, he'd been a chef at one point in life, now he was manager of the school. Over cake and tea they talked about the spring musical, a folly that Tom had cooked up to show off the best talents of his kids. It was then decided that Jesse should play a grand piece of music for the show, but with a twist.
He would appear on stage in tails, the eminent concert pianist, and he would begin to play one of the louder Hungarian Rhapsodies by Liszt. And slowly the theatre would fall apart as if in response to the music. Scenery would fall, lights would go out and general chaos would ensue. It was destined to be a hit.
The laughter of planning for that event carried them all the way to lights out and the boys had to leave. They were allowed to stay up until midnight on a weekend, but they needed to be on the dorm. Tom and Jack bid them all a good evening and checked to see that each one was wrapped up well for the walk back across the road to the dorms. Jesse was the last one to leave.
He hugged them both and received kisses in return. "Thank you…thank you so much," Jesse said. "I think you guys are about the best people I know." And then he left and Tom closed the door.
"That was sweet," Jack said. "God, he's so precious."
"Unique, they'll never be another quite like him," Tom said, and then he smiled, "But then I think the same thing about you." And they shut off the lights.
Jesse went to his aunt's when school let out for the summer. Once there he played the piano and swam in her pool. He took a driving class since Bradford didn't include that in the curriculum, and managed a learner's permit from the experience.
At no time did he express an interest in seeing the rest of his family who lived only forty miles away, his aunt and uncle didn't press the point. But they marveled at the way Jesse played, even if the old upright wasn't at all like the Steinway he knew and loved. Then came August and Jesse prepared himself for a return to Bradford. Now he wanted to be there because he considered those people family, too.
True to his word, Tom had made sure Frank and Jesse returned as roommates. Jesse gave the boy a huge hug and a passionate kiss right there in the hallway in front of everyone.
"Damn," Came the comments, "My roomie sure isn't that glad to see me again."
"Jeez, get a room guys," and that was followed by tons of laughter, for of course they did have a room.
Jesse had brought a poster of Beethoven, Frank had one with Joe Montana, and they glared at one another from opposing walls that whole semester. Life settled in very quickly here on the big boy's dorm. Jesse was just so glad to be in the real world instead of upstairs with the kiddies.
But he treated the newbies with kindness and went about his studies, and then someone caught his eye late in the term. The boy was a senior, and a damn cute one at that. Jesse was sixteen, Stephen two years older.
Jesse could feel the boy's eyes following him and would turn to see that endearing smile on Stephen's face. He enjoyed the attention and slowly they began to get acquainted. But leave it to Frank to have something to say about the new guy, he just told Jesse what he thought about Stephen.
"He wants you…plain and simple," Frank said. "It's written all over his face."
"But why, he's so big and strong and I'm nobody," Jesse replied.
"Exactly, he'll probably rock your world until your eyes pop out." Frank had laughed about that for days, just long enough for Jesse to realize it might be true.
In most things Jesse believed the truth could win the day, and when he returned from Christmas break he spent a lot of time just talking to Stephen.
"Have you ever had other boyfriends," Jesse asked.
"A few," Stephen said. "My last school had some very nice guys, but the whole gay thing was a taboo subject. I knew several guys were looking at me, and not just so I could play center on their lacrosse team. But I was younger and pretty inexperienced."
"Then that ought to tell you I don't have any experience either. I never had the chance to play out the whole gay drama, not even after I got here. Freshmen are pretty much off the radar. Don’t they tell you guys to ignore us?"
"No, but most of the seniors feel that going places with a freshman is like robbing the cradle. I'm sorry…I didn't say that to offend you, Jesse."
"No, I appreciate the truth," Jesse said, "and it isn’t an issue anymore."
"You're such an amazing creature…I'm not sure what the others might think if…if we started something," Stephen said
"You would have a sophomore as a boyfriend, that's all it would mean."
"You're no ordinary sophomore. I feel like an idiot, I won't let the other seniors influence me. You are just so…so special. I want to hold you and kiss you every time I see you." And then Stephen laughed. "Elias would hate that last sentence, but I don't care, this is all about you."
"I think you want a boyfriend, and if you'll have me I'm applying for the position," Jesse said.
"Oh God, baby, you already own me," Stephen said.
Stephen knew what would happen now, Jesse would fall in love with him because they always did. He could tell Jesse that they were in love…he’d told a lot of boys that over the years, and most of them believed him. This would work out fine, at least until that diploma was in his hand. The end would come quick, but the nice part about it, Jesse wouldn't even see it coming.
In the weeks before graduation Jesse had snuck into the senior dorm and slid into Stephen's bed. It was all a matter of timing, and he managed that carefully. Stephen's roommate was a sound sleeper and they got away with it.
But one morning Stephen said that this had to be the last time, the seniors had exams and he couldn't handle both things at once. Jesse agreed, and after exams they would have one final week.
Jesse had made plans to see Stephen over the summer. But then the guy was planning to attend Yale that fall and that was only three hours away. Stephen seemed to agree to all this and then the seniors went into exams.
At Bradford this meant total separation of the classes, final grades were too important to risk. The lower three classes stayed off the senior dorm and away from the second floor of the main building where exams were held. Most of the senior class had already been accepted to colleges across the country, but these final points counted heavily.
Graduation was held the day after exams, and all the classes were reunited to celebrate the success of the seniors and to congratulate the juniors who were moving up. Jesse ran around the campus after breakfast looking for Stephen, but his possessions were already gone from the dorm. That didn't worry Jesse, maybe his family had just moved them out already. But when the graduating class lined up for the ceremony…Stephen was nowhere in sight.
Jesse found Stephen’s former roomy, Willy, in the parking lot packing his gear.
"Willy…where did Stephen go? I can't find him anywhere…did he leave?" Jesse asked.
"Yeah, kid, he split last night with his dad. Told them to mail him the diploma, sorry."
Willy watched the kid turn and start to run. Fuck Stephen, this wasn’t the first boy that bastard had messed up, but thank goodness it would be the last here at Bradford.
Jesse's emotions were shattered. He ran across the quad with tears streaming down his face and burst into the theatre. And there on the stage sat the piano with the canvas cover in place to protect the finish. It was the only thing that he felt wasn't mocking him, and he climbed up on the lid of the piano and cried like the world had come to an end.
The last week of school Jesse was in a haze. At times he couldn't handle the human contact and stayed in his room to cry. Even Frank couldn't console him, and then like a true friend he walked across the campus and knocked on Tom's door.
Jesse was lying in his bed, tired of crying, just plain tired of life, and then a hand touched his back.
"Jesse…what happened, Jesse?" Tom asked.
He'd seen the boy with Stephen, he had no idea how far it had gone. But relationships between a sophomore and a senior were doomed to fail, and this one obviously had. He could console the boy, but he could not set things right.
And Jesse threw himself at Tom and all the pain and anguish spilled out, the words barely coherent between the sobs. They sat that way for an hour and Frank hovered outside the open door to keep others away. Tom could not close that door, it would be unseemly for a faculty member and a boy to be alone like this, and the door remained open.
Jesse went off for his second summer and came back a little colder and a whole lot wiser. Frank got a hug this time but little else, Jesse was not the same, he couldn't be. Tom noticed the change and it saddened him, and yet the boy threw himself into the music with a passion he'd rarely seen. The life lesson had inspired Jesse's playing, and then Tom saw him with Neil.
* * * * *
Neil was having a wonderful dream because Jesse was in it. Their bodies were tightly against one another, generating a good deal of warmth in the chilly air surrounding…and yet it was suddenly cold. Neil’s eyes flew open as he realized Jesse had thrown back the covers before heading into the bathroom.
Yikes, the temperature outside must have dropped during the night. The heater in his room could only handle so much…and then the toilet flushed. Jesse returned to the room and stood at the foot of the bed, naked as the day he was born. Yummy, wasn’t that something wonderful to admire first thing in the morning.
They dressed and slid into their jackets for the walk into the house. Neil considered they probably should have showered. The room reeked of sex and the boys did as well, the scent imbedded in their unwashed skin. But they couldn't smell it, they shared it now, it was all a part of who they were for the moment.
The boys stepped through the kitchen door and Nora looked up from her magazine, coffee cup in hand. Clayton ignored them, his nose in the financial section of the Times.
"Good morning, guys," Nora said, "Can I get you anything?"
"No, Mom…I'll just make us some eggs and we'll have juice," Neil said. He went to the refrigerator and brought out the carton of orange juice. Nora got up and pulled two glasses from the cabinet and then Neil filled them.
That was the moment Nora got a whiff of the boy's odor, and she knew exactly what it was. She couldn't say anything, it would embarrass both boys. But it meant they'd had sex last night, something she'd known was going to happen. It was just a bit of a shock.
She brought Jesse his juice as Neil pulled a fry pan out of the cupboard.
"One egg or two?" Neil asked.
"One would be fine," Jesse replied.
Neil squeezed by his father to get bread for toast and the man looked up at him.
"Jesus, Neil, you smell like you've been in a whore house."
Jesse froze and Nora moved her left arm, placing a hand over his. They both waited for the response.
"I don't know anything about that," Neil said, his voice flat…he was trying to remain calm.
"Well you go out there fucking your little boyfriend all night and what do you expect, couldn't you at least have taken a shower?" Clayton said.
Neil slammed the fry pan down on the stove and the room rang with the sound.
"Jesse, go wait in my room for a few minutes, please…will you?" Neil said.
Jesse got up and grabbed his coat, scurrying out the door.
"Clayton, that was uncalled for," Nora said.
"Just telling the truth," He replied.
Neil turned and Nora almost cried out, the look on his face was murderous.
"I've had it with you…you sanctimonious prick," Neil screamed.
Clayton reaction was swift, he slapped Neil's face. "You better respect me boy, I won't listen to that crap from the likes of you."
"Likes of me? You mean your faggot son? You can just go straight to hell mister, and I'm going to make sure you get there."
With that Neil ran from the room and Nora could hear his feet pounding up the stairs, and then a door slammed. Nora looked across the table and stared at her husband as he resumed reading the paper. Maybe it was time to toss the bastard out on his ear. That woman in Boston was enough to get her a quick divorce settlement, but she wanted a greater vengeance now and that meant daddy.
Clayton had been a minor manager at Elkins, Rinehart and Sons when they first met at a cocktail party. Her daddy was the Elkins part of the name, the senior partner and major stockholder in the company. Nora didn't flatter herself, a previous marriage had ended badly, and she knew what men saw in her now.
He had seemed funny…amusing, as he courted her from the moment their eyes first met. Six months later she was pregnant with Neil. She was surprised it had lasted this long, it had all been for the boy's sake. Clayton rose in the company as expected of the boss's son-in-law and his position had allowed the move here.
But she had hoped for some reconciliation between Clayton and Neil, it had never been good, now it was worse. It didn't need to be tolerated any further. Clayton had hooked up with that little marketing girl, what was she, twenty-four…twenty-five? Her father would know, he'd been the first to find out and say something.
But Nora had allowed it to continue, they didn't sleep together anymore…they hadn't shared love for six or seven years. Only now she understood Neil wouldn't be overwrought if the bastard was sent packing. In fact after this little scene Neil would probably hold the door and kick the jerk in the ass on the way out. Lord, she would love to see that.
Neil came bounding down the stairs and dropped a small computer disk in his mother's lap. "There…that's all you'll need, you want me to call Mr. Gerber?" Neil asked.
"What have you got there?" Neil's father asked when he heard the lawyer's name.
"Just a copy of every instant message you've shared with that bitch you've been fucking down in Boston," Neil said, and he stood back proudly.
"What…that's impossible," Clayton said.
"No? I set your computer to store every IM you have with Bunny Girl…am I right? I just downloaded everything in that history and it was a pretty long text file."
"Give me that," Clayton said and Nora held it out of his reach. "Give it to me." He grabbed Nora's arm and began twisting it. He only stopped when the fry pan slammed against the side of his face, knocking him to the floor.
"You touch my mother again and I'll kill you…you get that?" Neil screamed, but Clayton couldn't hear him, he was out cold.
Nora reached for the phone and dialed nine-one-one; it was time to end the charade.
The Grafton County Rescue Service arrived about the same time as the Sheriff’s deputy. Clayton was hauled off in the ambulance as the deputy took the report. He would have Clayton arrested for assault the minute the doctor said he was free to go.
"I'm sorry you boys had to get involved," Nora said once the deputy left.
"Oh My God…Jesse," Neil yelled, and he took off out the back door.
Nora smiled and reached for the phone again, this time she dialed her father.
Jesse was sitting on the couch trembling because he didn't know what was happening in the house. All he knew was that the boy he loved was in conflict with his father, something Jesse knew only too well in his own life. And then Neil came bursting through the door and fell on him, smothering him with kisses and soft soothing words'
"Oh Jesse…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…are you okay, baby?"
Jesse shook his head. "Your father…he's a lot like mine." And Neil could feel the boy trembling.
"It's okay…he's gone…he won't ever be back to bother us again."
"Oh God…what did you do? Did you kill him?"
Neil smiled. "Sorry, your egg was ruined when I hit him with the fry pan. The cops took him away in an ambulance."
Jesse's eyes got real wide. "You're kidding…No, you're not. Oh Jeez, I always miss the best part of the drama."
And Neil laughed, hugging Jesse for all he was worth. "No, baby, this isn't a drama, it's a romance story."
They walked back in the house just as Nora put down the phone. She immediately saw the look of trepidation on Jesse's face.
"Oh sweetie, come here," Nora said, and she held the boy in her arms. "I'm sorry…you didn't need to get in the middle of that, but it's over. Everything is just fine."
"I…I didn't know what to think," Jesse said. "Did Neil really hit Mr. Dennison with the fry pan?"
"Yes he did, my hero," Nora said, and Neil smiled back at her. "But you boys didn't get anything to eat, let me take you out to lunch…would that work for you?"
"Yes Mom, we don't have any plans," Neil said.
Nora smiled. "Fine, then let me go get ready…um, why don't you boys go shower…"
Neil laughed. "Yes Mom, I can take a hint. Give us half an hour."
Jesse stood close as the hot water sprayed down on them. "I am so glad she's all right, it must have been pretty scary," He said.
"It's been a long time coming. I'm just glad it's over," Neil said.
"It was about protecting her, wasn't it? I mean you hit your father because of something he did to her, didn't you? That's why she said you're her hero."
"Yeah, it was something like that," Neil said.
"You stood up for us, too. This really means something to you, doesn't it?" Jesse asked.
Neil smiled and gave Jesse a quick kiss on the lips. "You mean everything to me…I would die for you."
Jesse kissed him back. "I would never ask you to do that."
Neil kissed again. "If anything ever happened to you I wouldn't want to live."
Jesse sighed. "This is the first time I've ever loved someone so much and felt like it's gonna last forever."
Neil smiled. "You'll have to hit me with a fry pan to get rid of me."
Jesse giggled. "Oh, that will never happen."
They spent the day with Nora, after eating at the Old Mill Restaurant in Littleton. Jesse seemed to come to life after a traumatic morning. She could see the glances her son gave the boy and shared in the love she saw in their eyes. Jesse spoke some more about his aunt and Nora felt like she wanted to talk with the woman and express her delight in meeting Jesse.
"Oh? I bet she'd like to meet you too, they'll be coming here for the Christmas concert, you can meet her then," Jesse said.
"What about Thanksgiving, aren't you going home for that?" Nora asked.
"Probably not, the bus takes forever and otherwise I'd have to catch a train down in Boston. Besides, I don't really have a way to get there," Jesse said.
"I have an idea, why don't you and Neil drive down to see them?" Nora said.
"Oh, I couldn't ask Neil to do that, and gas is so expensive."
Nora smiled. "I'm sure Neil would love to be with you, besides I'm going to visit my father that weekend and I don't think Neil wants to spend his time with a bunch of old folks."
"Mom, you are not old, so stop that," Neil laughed.
Nora looked from boy to boy. "No, you go to Philadelphia. I want you to spend time with one another, these are the best years of your lives and you should be together."
She put her hand on Jesse's, looking into those warm brown eyes. "You're like family now and I want you to always feel that way. I expect Neil will have you over quite often and I enjoy your company. Now we'll have a quiet house, a smiling house…a place where your love can flourish."
Jesse stared back at her and nodded. "Thanks…Mom."
Nora gazed at him and was speechless because anything she said would only make her cry. It had been a long day…one of the longest she could remember. But she was happy, and now it felt like she had two sons, boys to make a mother proud.
Later that night as they lay in bed, Neil remembered what he had seen at that moment. It was good to love Jesse, and the boy always seemed to do the right thing. Yes, he had seen the tears in his mother's eyes when Jesse called her Mom. It was good to love Jesse, and he knew she loved him too.
On Sunday they sat at the dining room table and did homework, something that should have been attended to before now but…yeah, but. And somehow Jesse's presence seemed to inspire Neil as he wrote his composition for Elias on his father's laptop, his now after he had erased everything to do with the bastard.
He smiled and looked up at Jesse toiling away at the trig homework across the table, and then Neil began to write.
* * * * *
How do we know when love first captivates? Is it in the eyes, the heart, or the mind? Love gives no warning of its approach. 'Love sees not with the eyes, but with the mind,' Master Shakespeare declares, but he was only partially right.
Love doesn't see at all, but it colors every thought. Love is a meeting of minds for common purpose, a joining that precludes all other senses and takes control. Love doesn't taste, it cannot be touched, it cannot be smelled, but the object of that love can serve to stimulate every sense.
The soft touch of his cheek on mine, the smell of flowers in his hair, the taste of his lips, sweeter than anything, and more nourishing to the mind than a thousand well placed sonnets. Nice try, Master Shakespeare, but you didn't look deep enough.
Is love stronger than everything else in the mind, does it have substance in our lives? Evaluate the effects of love for the answer. The mind controls breathing, but true love takes the breath away. The mind controls the heart, but the heart aches when love is absent.
Love is a feeling, an emotion so strong that it can bring the mind crashing down. Love has no mass, no dimension, and yet it encompasses a body so completely that it can smother. It is not tangible and yet many languages have so many words for that feeling we hold so dear. There is nothing simple about love.
Once found it is hard to cast off, while love inserts itself into the very fabric of our existence. And yet when all is said and done, no one definition serves to define what love really means. But humanity has fought wars over love and climbed the highest mountains in search of elusive love. It is all too much for one man to fathom, but my love sits across a narrow table from me…and my search is over.
* * * * *
Neil smiled, wondering what Elias would think of his definition. This time he'd done it right, there was no one definition that would serve, and they both knew it. The purpose of semantics was to define, and here he hoped he had laid out a case over a word that defied definition. He thought it clever, but then he was still puzzled at what Jesse meant to him.
If anything their relationship was timely, they had a year and a half to graduation. The vision of them standing together at graduation, holding hands and kissing before the entire school was a tantalizing image. The only ones who would be shocked were the parents, the students and faculty all seemed to know by now.
They studied until dinner time, a meal his mother loved to present with style. And afterwards Jesse gave them a concert, something Nora knew she would never forget.
In that evening their living room was transformed into a grand concert hall where Jesse played and made them see the music flowing around the room.
"I have some Christmas music I want you to hear if you don't think that's too out of place," Jesse said.
"No, play anything at all, Jesse…we're listening," Nora said.
And Jesse played some grand old Christmas music, most of it classical in nature, some of it spiritual. And then he played Beethoven. His memory of the music was astounding, and not a single note seemed out of place. Then he stopped.
"I wrote this next one myself, about the first month I was at Bradford. When Tom let me use the Steinway it had such a grand sound I couldn't help but think of ways to make it sound even better and this is what I came up with. It ought to sound especially fine on this piano."
Jesse launched himself into a wondrous and complicated piece of music, all stored in his mind where it had originally been born. Neil could only bask in the glow of Jesse's creation, and like his mother stood to applaud when it was done. Then they were off to bed.
Neil set his alarm for six, knowing it would take a while to get up, and at least he was planning to shower.
"This has been the most exciting and tumultuous weekend of my life," Jesse said.
"Whoa, who let the big words in here?" Neil laughed. "Yeah, it was a bit rough there for a while I guess. But look what we accomplished."
"Are we talking sex or homework?" Jesse asked.
"Homework we have to do, sex we don't…I would love you if we'd never slept together," Neil said.
Jesse smiled. "But it certainly shows we have no boundaries."
"No boundaries…that's my war cry for the rest of the semester."
"I love you, Mr. Dennison."
"I love you too, Mr. Reardon."
"Hmm, so what are we going to do about it?"
"We'll think of something," Neil said.
And in the house Nora sat drinking a cup of tea, something to put her to sleep. This was the first night she felt at peace in ages. At least now Neil had someone to love. But she was only forty-two, there was still time, and she wasn't planning to grow old alone.
No grandchildren, that was a bit of a bother, but then maybe the boys would adopt. They could all move to Boston and there the boys could get married. Lord, what grand thoughts, they needed to grow up first. She wondered what Neil would do when he found out how much money would be coming his way in a few years. He was still too young to know about that just yet.
If he and Jesse wanted to attend college together she would make it happen. No sense in either of the boys missing out on a solid future together. College was an important time of life. Yes, she did need to talk with Jesse's aunt.
Nora smiled. Jesse had called her Mom all evening and it felt especially warm coming from him. Such a dear boy, she could almost bet he would pursue a musical career. It wouldn't be meddling if she got involved in the boy's life, just assuring the happiness of her new son. She would talk to her father over Thanksgiving while Neil visited the aunt. Then they could make plans.