The rest of July seemed to roll by at a lazy pace and then before they knew it August was upon them with only three weeks remaining before school started. It had been a summer Pat was unlikely to forget. Those warm summer nights of love with Mike, blankets on the lawn under the stars, a time Pat could feel young again.
For most of July, after that first night of fireworks, Neil hadn't been around to see them very much. He was engrossed in the discovery of sex with Alan, but he did manage to find time to share the truth with Mike.
"Oh My God, well, I just didn't think it possible for someone to make me feel like that," Neil confided.
"So you two are having a good time. So is he going to be your boyfriend at school?" Mike asked.
"Maybe," Neil said. "I think Alan is really afraid of commitments, so far he's just been playing around."
"You mean he's going out with other guys besides you?"
"No, not this summer, but I think he has a lot of options when school starts up again. This is all so new to me, I don't really know what I want either," Neil said.
"So this is just exploratory, do you have any feelings for Alan?"
"I guess, he's so damn affectionate." Neil grinned. "I don't have any problems with Alan being in an open relationship like this…I just don't think it’s love."
"No, probably not," Mike agreed. "If it was love you'd know."
Neil smiled and laid a hand on Mike's shoulder. "I want someone to love, isn't that what we all want? I see what you have with Pat, I envy that, you have no idea how hard it's been watching you two. But I get it now, sex isn't the answer, love is something deeper."
Mike could only smile in return. "Good, don't let the sex sidetrack you. When you find the right guy you won't be able to breathe, your chest will feel like it's crushed and your gut will ache. Love is powerful, all consuming…and the best feeling in the world. Pat still makes me feel that way. It hurts when I can't be with him because of some stupid thing my father wants me to do."
"Alan is a gentle lover despite the image he throws up, I appreciate having him share what he knows, but I'm still looking. Whoever it is will have to be very special," Neil said.
Mike laughed. "You'll have a lot to choose from at Bradford if what they told you is true. I just don't know how it will work if he's some boarding student who lives in Ohio or someplace far like that."
"Yeah, I think my mom wouldn't mind me bringing a boy home if what we do in bed isn't in her face. But my father is another issue. He gives Alan a dirty look every time he sees the boy. If he says something I'm going to punch him in the nose."
"Cool down, Neil…that sure won't help matters."
"You know that pool house out back? I want it for my own just to get away from him. Alan and I have been working on fixing it up, and at least it has its own plumbing," Neil said.
"Jeez, does it even have heat? It's gonna be below freezing in about four months, minus twenty at some point this winter."
"Yeah, it's got electric heat and a water heater too. Mom says I can add more insulation in the attic if I need to. But if it gets too cold I can run back in the house for a few days," Neil said. "I just want my father to stay out of my business…that's what he needs to do. Oh, Mom says she's going to give me money for a car, you think I ought to get a four wheel drive?"
"Yeah, if you have to commute that will certainly help. If you guys get snowed in will they let you stay at the school overnight?"
"Now there's a thought, hmm, that might turn out to be interesting. I never slept in a dorm before," Neil said.
Mike laughed again. "Somehow I think if you're there no one will get much sleep that night."
Neil grinned. "Be fun to find out."
And so it was no real surprise when Neil arrived one August morning at Pat's in a bright red Jeep Cherokee. No other color would suit Neil better, they didn't come in pink. He took them on a drive to check out the new wheels and they ended up on the top of Mount Washington.
The road up was full of twists and turns, a good test for the vehicle and Neil's driving skills. But as they climbed ever higher, the warm air that had been pouring in through the open windows turned colder, so cold in fact that Neil turned on the heat.
"Oh crap, I never thought about the temperature up here," Neil said. "I have some blankets in the back if you need them."
"We'll enjoy the view, but I’m not sure we can stand around outside," Pat said.
"Jeez, look at that, the temperature is forty one degrees up here," Mike said, pointing at a huge thermometer mounted on the wall of the visitor’s center. And then he laughed. "Yeah, good weather for shorts."
"Sorry, Neil…Mike thinks he's a polar bear," Pat said.
The view at the top was spectacular. The whole Presidential Mountain range spread out into the distance. The observatory and weather station was maintained year round by the government, not what Pat would consider an ideal job in the dead of winter. As if to confirm that the sign by the door to the gift shop laid out a few moments in history up here.
Highest wind speed recorded was two hundred thirty-one miles per hour, a world record some eighty years ago. Temperatures could plunge to minus fifty degrees, and the wind chill would make that much worse. Pat decided he would remember that come January when his house felt a little chilly, it was nothing compared to this.
But the view held his focus for a long time. It was like they were higher than the clouds up here at close to seven thousand feet.
"It makes me feel small," Neil said as they stood gazing out the windows.
"Imagine the first human to climb up here all those years ago," Pat said. "I guess people climb mountains just for the challenge and to say they did it."
"I might climb a tree for the hell of it, but climbing up here would have to be something you really needed to do, it's so extreme," Mike said.
"Okay, so we take mountain climbing off the list of things to do, I get it," Pat said.
Mike laughed. "No, it's not like that, but why would I even think of doing it?"
Pat smiled. "For the challenge, no other reason. Just to be able to say you did it puts you in a very small club. Imagine climbing Mt. Everest, if all you want is the view then you could fly a plane over it."
"I have my own challenges in life, I don't need to go looking for others," Neil said.
And Pat thought about that statement as they slowly took the road down the mountain. Neil seemed to have a fairly easy life except for the way he dealt with his father. Being young and gay was its own challenge and an uncaring father wouldn't help matters. But Neil seemed focused on the future, and no matter what the father did, Nora was his equal if not a little bit stronger.
Barry Tolliver seemed to have acquiesced to Mike's wishes to spend time with Pat, and for that he was grateful. But they had planned it all so carefully, cautiously, because one slip could end it all. Having the boy back in school for senior year would make things easier.
The need for Pat to mentor Mike’s studies would give him the excuse to spend more time at the house…their house. And even as this past winter had brought them love, spring and summer had kindled the need for their partnership to continue and grow.
Mike was very much a part of his life, Pat couldn't see it any other way. He was old enough for them to begin living together, but the boy just wasn’t ready to take that step. But in those quiet moments where they shared love Mike often whispered that he never wanted anything more, that Pat was all his life ever needed. And each time it brought tears to Pat's eyes because he knew Mike spoke from his heart.
Neil dropped them off at the house and took off for yet another date with Alan that evening. Pat was only too happy to see Neil maintain that relationship, it gave Mike back to him full time. Mike felt less of a need to be closer to Neil now, the boy was off and running on his own. It would be interesting to watch what happened when Bradford opened for the fall term. Neil had already mentioned that he had a personal interview with Dr. Thorne tomorrow. Pat wondered what that was all about, maybe that was just the way the school operated.
Nora had received the interview request the week after the admission papers had been sent in. There was no doubt in her mind that the headmaster was concerned over the records sent in by Neil's last school. She planned to escort the boy and get in her two cents before the man could even think about rejecting her son, but Neil wouldn't stand for it.
"Sure you can come, but I'm doing all the talking," Neil had said.
Just the way he said it gave her pause, was her son capable of handling this on his own terms? It would mean that he had gained an awful lot of maturity in such a short time, and nothing could make her prouder. Yes, she would go, but Neil could talk to the headmaster by himself.
And so as they drove through the gates of Bradford Academy, Nora looked at the campus with a clear determination that Neil would make his own way here. Despite the obstructionist attempts of her husband, Neil was starting to take control of his own life, and for that she was proud of him.
They were greeted at the door to Dr. Thorne's residence by his wife, a wonderfully warm woman that Nora immediately liked. Neil was shown the door to the doctor's study while Mrs. Thorne took her back to the kitchen for a cup of herbal tea.
"We're fairly strict members of the Society of Friends…the Quakers as you might know us," Mrs. Thorne said. "We don't abide with caffeine in all its many forms so I hope the tea will suit you?"
"I love a good herbal tea," Nora said. "Thank you so much. This is quite an impressive school. I've never been here before."
"My husband has been headmaster for over fifteen years now," Mrs. Thorne began, and she graciously laid out the entire history of the place.
Neil had gently knocked on the door and was told to come in. The door opened into a well lit room filled with books and plants, a delightfully airy place. Seated behind his cluttered desk was Dr. Thorne, looking just as he had in the photo shown in the brochure.
"Neil Dennison, I presume, welcome," Thorne said. "Won't you sit down?"
Thorne got up from behind his desk and chose a comfortable chair facing the windows. Neil sat on the small settee beside him. Thorne was a slender man, tall with light gray hair and piercing brown eyes.
"I love this campus just before the boys arrive. The smell of fresh mown grass, the birds nesting in the eves and bathing at the drinking fountain on the quad, lovely things to gaze upon. Have you seen anything you thought was lovely this past week?"
"I took some close friends on a drive up Mt. Washington, a stunning view, sir."
"Ahh, it's been years since I took that trip, unfortunately we chose the cog railway," Thorne chuckled. "Never do that again…the soot, the noise, it seemed to overshadow the view you so much enjoyed. Did you learn anything while you were up there?"
Neil smiled. "It was quite chilly and I did enjoy the view…but I also told my friends it made me feel small."
Thorne smiled. "Yes, I get that feeling as well. Will you feel that smallness while attending here perhaps?"
"No sir, I'm up to the academic challenge and I see the reason behind my attendance. It's like my friend Pat says, 'you don't climb a mountain just for the view, it's the challenge that counts, it makes you part of a very special club.'"
"How true, he has it right you know. Bradford isn't a point of view, it's a challenge for each and every boy, and you all approach the educational journey differently. Our job is to make sure you each get through this experience safely and with the knowledge it takes to face the greater challenges ahead."
"Life, sir…I suppose you know about mine by now," Neil said.
"Your life seems filled with special challenges. I was concerned as I read the record your last school sent us. Do you know what's in it?" Thorne asked.
"I was suspended three times my first two years, that last one came because I fought for my dignity and lost," Neil said. "My life is my own, my feelings were not accepted and I had to fight for my life. You understand that I'm gay, maybe you're the only person I've ever met in academic circles that would even have a chance of understanding what that means. But I will not give up who I am for anyone. I've had to fight to keep that life my own."
"We have a rather formidable debating team here at Bradford, I'd love to see you on it," Thorne said.
"You…you don't care about my record?" Neil asked.
"Of course it concerns me, but not how you think," Thorne said. "These fights you speak of, we Quakers face that every day. Our convictions are not like so many others, we are pacifists and that is often seen as a weakness. But you met Tom Boswell, he has taught me so much about the fight gay men and women must endure. We are kindred spirits, Mr. Dennison.
"It is not my place to judge you and your innermost feelings, but I do stand in judgment of the fight. Bradford is a peaceful community, all are welcomed here, and we admire our diversity. No one is allowed the freedom to place another in jeopardy, and that will go for you as well. There are others like you here, but you may not allow yourself to place your needs before theirs.
"It appears to me that you will make a fine addition to our school, and for that I welcome you. Tom will be your mentor while you're here, he specifically asked for that after your meeting on campus. I am also going to assign Alan Barnsley to be your guide the first months of your stay, have you met him?"
"Yes sir, we met at the Fourth celebration last month," Neil said. He was so excited he could hardly contain his joy, but the look on Thorne's face said he had better.
"Good. We are a small community, Neil. Try to relax and absorb the nature of this place. The challenges here are different; most of them are academic in nature. Being a day student you will find the lives of the boarders to be quite different. You will just have to imagine what it would be like to be away from your home for months at a time. The newest class often suffers that separation most, so be kind to your fellow students."
Thorne returned to his desk and opened a file, withdrawing a sheet of paper. "This is your class schedule for the first semester. Your placement in the eleventh grade was assured by your academic achievement in the past. We often have students come to us from public schools after a year or two, just be aware that you will struggle to keep up at first. Tom will assist you in any way he can, we will even provide tutoring if needed. Are you ready to face the challenge?"
Neil stood up and felt like saluting; instead he straightened up and smiled. "Yes sir, I'm looking forward to it."
Thorne smiled and handed Neil his class schedule. "I believe your mother came today, I should like to meet her," Thorne said.
The headmaster led them out to the kitchen where he shook hands with Nora. She gave Neil a look and he smiled, nodding his head to let her know that everything had gone well, her return smile showed relief.
"I suggested that Neil might like to join our debating team, he speaks well for himself," Thorne said.
"Thank you, Doctor Thorne…I guess I better leave that up to Neil," Nora replied.
"I'd best get back to my work," Thorne said, "We have a school to open in just a few short weeks."
He escorted them back out to the front door and took Nora's hand in farewell.
"I'm sure Neil's issues are yours as well, just be assured we have a great deal of experience in dealing with boys and their problems. I don't foresee Neil having any issues here and I believe he will enrich our lives if we allow him the freedom to find himself."
Thorne took Neil's hand and shook it. "And thank you for coming today, I look forward to seeing you in a few weeks. Just remember my door is always open, all you have to do is knock."
Neil felt like screaming his joy. Thorne had been so cool…so friendly, there was just no way he could tell his mother how he felt. No wonder they called themselves Friends, he really understood that now.
That night as he lay in Alan's arms, he knew why the boy exuded so much confidence. Bradford was the source of everything good and Thorne was the wizard that made it all happen.
Neil didn't feel weak anymore, Thorne had handed him a place in the sun and he was determined to shine and be golden. He had found a place of understanding, a place where he wouldn't have to fight for his life. There would be moments of glory ahead, and Neil planned to feast upon the future.
School for Neil began on the second of September and Mike didn't go back until the fourth, but both of them were ready. Mike greeted all his old friends and life went on as normal, about as normal as any senior’s life could be. At least there wasn't any homework for Mike that first week…after all, it was a public school.
This year he would start Trigonometry and Chemistry, neither of them promised to be a favorite subject. But Mike took his work home and then carried it over to Pat's for help. There was just something about the way Pat explained things that blew his teachers out of the water. All those classroom lectures left him confused but Pat knew how to explain things better.
Neil walked into classes on that first Monday morning and was floored by the way the teachers just dove right in. By Wednesday he had at least four hours of homework assignments every night, at Bradford it was sink or swim. Now he understood Dr.Thorne's comments, this school was no joke.
Neil left home at seven each morning and didn't return until after five in the evening. He managed to get Tom to assign him a study hall during the activity period each afternoon. There would be plenty of time to join an art club or work in the woodshop, but Neil knew his studies were more important at this point.
Alan had been his guide that first morning, the only way he could get to class on time rather than getting lost. By the end of second period Neil's brain was near saturation point and he was relieved to discover that the students were given a half hour break at this point.
Bradford maintained a tight schedule throughout the day. Five class periods, one break and an hour for lunch ran the academic day. This was followed by the activity period and then sports until just before five when the day students were dismissed.
First period was preceded by a silent meeting in the Quaker tradition. That first day, Neil sat quietly and absorbed the taste, smell and sounds of all two hundred and six boys who were required to attend. It was an eye opening experience to say the least.
The diversity that Dr.Thorne had spoken about was all there. Besides having students in all colors, shapes and sizes, Bradford's boarder and day student mix was quite evident. The day students looked alive and well, the boarders looked like they had been up all night, and maybe they had. There was no seating arrangement by grade, the students just flowed into the room and sat with friends or roommates.
Neil sat next to Alan and Red in the large meeting space, which was little more than an old building with metal folding chairs arranged in a square facing an open center. Dr. Thorne and the faculty sat on the inner rows, along with a few of the seniors. And for this first day no one spoke, it was a time of reflection.
Neil's eyes traveled the rows, checking out the other boys and overall finding them quite interesting. The tall blond who sat with eyes closed and arms folded seemed to be asleep in his seat across the way. The black haired boy with his hair tied back and the Asian features was intriguing. The kid in the wheelchair whose legs looked like mere sticks and yet his upper body looked immensely strong. All were silent.
It was easy to spot the new boys. Just like him they were looking around at the others. There was some real quiet beauty in that room as well Neil noted. One of the younger boys had such perfect hair; another close by had the most incredibly blue eyes. It was all Neil could do to keep himself from staring at several of them.
He was sure Alan would give him the scoop on each and every boy he knew at the school. He certainly wanted to meet the gay ones. Alan was one of the returning students so he had no qualms about identifying himself, the rainbow flag pin was stuck prominently to his shirt collar.
Neil had dressed carefully this morning, a light blue button down shirt and a pair of tan slacks instead of jeans. Others were dressed similarly but many just wore jeans and a t-shirt. Bradford had no dress code or uniform, the only time a coat and tie was required was on a school outing to a museum or musical event. But even now, Neil saw a lot of those blue Bradford
sweatshirts and T-shirts around the room, he would have to get at least one of each.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Dr. Thorne stood up and smiled, moving into the center of the square.
"Good Morning, students…and welcome. To many of you this is another year, to some a first. To all it is the beginning of what should be one of the best years of your young lives, at least that is our sincere wish.
"All of the new students have been assigned a guide for this first week. Guides you need to remember your own classroom responsibilities so please don't be late for class. Change is in the air here at Bradford, we will be offering a few new activities this fall, and you will find them listed on the board in the hallway outside the cafeteria.
"Evan Poole will offer a horticulture group which will start beautifying a section of the quad with a Japanese rock garden. Elaine Moore will be offering a cooking class for you aspiring chefs, and as always, Stephen Greene will be running a new section in his woodshop. We're going to build a sailboat this year.
"Students need to look at the list of activities and choose something before the end of classes on Thursday. Friday, as most of you know, will be Mountain Day, so please dress accordingly…the guides will explain all that to the new students.
"And so, as always, we gather together for the good of us all, in peace and harmony. It’s time to light the candle and turn the page. Now go to work, and have a great day," Thorne said.
The students all began to rise and make their way out of the building. Neil followed Alan down the walkway and handed over his class schedule.
"Okay, you have Burton for English, Poole for Biology, and Simmons for Trig, good teachers all of them. Your first class is in the main building over there, the second in the science wing off the gym and the math…that's back to the second floor of the main building again after the break. Got it?"
"Yes, I sure hope so…when does the first class start?" Neil asked.
Alan laughed. "In about three minutes, you better hustle….see you at break." And then he took off running towards the gym.
Neil followed a bunch of older looking students into the main building, wondering how he would know which room held his English class. And then he walked into the central hall and saw the signs hanging from the ceiling. It was easy, one of them said Burton.
Elias Burton, a thirty-something graduate of both Emerson and Yale Universities. Bright, refreshing and more than a challenge for his eleventh grade classes, was also an author of some repute Neil was to discover. Today they were all asked to pull out a blank piece of notebook paper and describe how a person might get from the main gate of the campus to this very classroom.
"You have ten minutes, gentlemen," Elias said.
Neil started writing, wondering at the simplicity of the assignment. All you had to do was walk down the sidewalk, past the first two dorms and turn left, following the sidewalk to the doors of the main building and then down the stairs to the first floor. Neil finished up fairly quickly and sat waiting.
"Times up…let's see what you have. Mr. Miller, I see you managed to come back in one piece this year. Did your father sell all the horses or did you discover how to ride one?"
Miller laughed. "I'm riding just fine now, Elias, thank you."
Elias took the boy's paper and began to read. "The main gate of Bradford Academy is distinguished by the large brick and stone entrance built in 1878 and refurbished over the years by the Littleton Friends Meeting. A sidewalk leads away from the entrance towards a large brick and glass building known as Ethan Hall and on towards a second similar structure named Revere Hall. Past the second building you must turn to your left and follow the sidewalk towards…" Here Elias paused. "I believe that will be enough for the moment."
He walked to the whiteboard at the front of the classroom and wrote in block letters:
'Describe how a person might get from the main gate of the campus to this very classroom.'
"Again, Mr. Miller…did you follow the instructions?" Elias asked.
"Yes sir, I didn't quite finish as there wasn't enough time, but…"
"No you didn't," Elias said. "You did not follow the instructions or finish, and do you know why?"
"No sir?"
"It was my fault," Elias said. "My instructions were not specific enough, and of course you dawdled along the way giving us a history lesson." The other boys laughed a little.
"I doubt if any of you did much better, because I didn't tell you how to do it. I assumed you did and so did you, we were both wrong. Thank you, Mr. Miller."
"Assume is such a frightful word. The only clear word in the assignment was the word 'person,' and we can all agree that means a human being. What I am going to discuss today is semantics, the art of description, the antithesis of assumption."
Elias smiled. "It all begins with my instructions. I asked you to describe and the only clue I gave you was the word 'person,' if I had left that out you would have been lost. Now, Mr. Miller, I assure you I am not picking on you. Describe to your horse how to get to this very classroom, could you do that?"
"No sir, he doesn't take direction very well." More laughter.
"I ascertained that from your broken leg this past spring…anyway, so describing something only works with humans. We're all comfortable with that concept. So the word 'describe' is our first obstacle, what do you suppose might be our second…Mr. Hanes?"
"Would that be 'how,' sir?"
"Very good, now moving on through the sentence, what does the word 'how' mean? I really think that the thoughts behind the words 'how' and 'might get' are really tied together. 'How' being the method I desired and 'might get' implying the motivation of going from one place to another. Am I making sense here?"
Neil raised his hand.
"Yes?" Elias asked.
"Dennison, sir. Are you inferring that in order for this description to work that we all have to speak a common language as well?"
"Brilliant question, Mr. Dennison…right to the crux of the matter. Semantics means nothing if we are not all speaking the same language. What would the words 'main gate' and 'classroom' mean to someone who did not speak our language? I could describe that journey from the gate in infinite detail only to have someone go…frinsolux? They might be from Mars for all I know, I didn't take time to discover the facts before I gave you the instructions. No offense to any Martians in the room." A lot more laughter.
Neil was fascinated…this guy was an awesome teacher. And he sat enthralled through the rest of the class period as Elias filled their minds with the necessity of good description, both in speech and writing. And somehow Neil knew he would never write something again without thinking of this lecture, Elias had his full attention.
Second period was Biology with Evan Poole. Unlike Elias, Poole was older and seemed to like being called Professor, at least most of the students addressed him as such.
"Welcome, boys….we have a new face in the crowd, and you would be?" Poole asked.
"Neil Dennison, sir," Neil said.
"Have you ever considered asexual reproduction, Mr. Dennison?"
Neil almost choked at the question, but it needed an answer. "Uh, no sir. Fortunately the human species is divided into male and female…unless you know something I don't, and in that case I'm all ears, sir."
Poole laughed with the students at that response. "No, Mr. Dennison. I wasn't inferring human reproduction. I was speaking of a lower order of living creature. Asexual reproduction exists in many forms of life and for various reasons…"
Biology was not one of Neil's favorite subjects, although Poole presented himself and subject quite well. Whereas Elias had asked them to simply go home and rethink the assignment. Poole gave them reading to accomplish by the end of the week. The class seemed to drag on but it finally ended.
Several boys that had been in both classes with him said hello and showed him where they took break.
"'Unless you know something I don't'…that was priceless, Neil." One of them said. "I'm Ralph and this is Dennis, you just move here?"
"Yeah, this past summer…you guys from around here?"
"Nope, Wisconsin for me," Dennis said.
"New Jersey," Ralph said. "This is the third year for both of us, it isn't so bad."
"Who's your guide this week?" Dennis asked.
"Alan Barnsley, you know him?" Neil asked.
"Tenth grade, gay boy…that's all I know," Dennis said.
"He seems all right. I think he was in Tom Boswell's play last year. It was a murder mystery…that was so cool," Ralph said.
Neil was a little stunned. Dennis had said 'gay boy'…and nothing else. No negative thoughts, no prejudicial language…this was sweet. He would have told them he was gay except it didn't seem necessary, and even better, it didn't seem to matter.
Alan and Red were in the break room, a large space that also doubled as the student lounge. There were no drink machines, but bottled water and milk were available on a counter, along with some bread and jam. Neil saw an opening on one wall with a sign that said student exchange. That would be the source of the shirts he wanted.
"So what did you think of Burton?" Alan asked.
"Wow, I could learn something from him," Neil said.
"Yeah, he's pretty sharp. He might even be one of us, but he's not out I guess," Red said.
Two other boys walked up and Alan gave one of them a hug. "Frank…Jesse, this is Neil, our number seven."
So that was how it was going to be. Neil would be known as number seven since it expressed everything to the right people. The gay boys at Bradford were tight.
Frank smiled, his big green eyes studying Neil for a moment. "Lucky us, you're the only blond in the club. Nice to meet you." And they shook hands.
"Jesse Reardon…good to meet you, Neil." And Jesse gave him a hug, causing Neil to squeeze back.
Of course Neil would have enjoyed a moment alone with Jesse. The boy was just incredible looking, and with brown eyes so warm they seemed to reflect how sweet he was inside.
"Frank is from Tampa and Jesse is from Philly," Alan said.
"Michigan originally," Neil said so the information exchange was now equal. "You guys like being boarders?"
"How can you tell, are we wearing signs?" Frank laughed.
"No, but I know Alan, Red and I are the only day students in the club so you have to be boarders."
"Yeah, that does give it away. Jesse and I are roommates at least. It keeps the wolves at bay," Frank said.
"Please, don't tell me there are issues already," Alan asked.
"Nope, not exactly issues…just overly curious newbie's. Jesse has a ninth grade admirer already."
And Neil saw Jesse blush, it was the cutest thing. Okay, so now Jesse was on his list of boys to know better. Break ended and Alan followed Neil back to the main building.
"You stare at Jesse like that too much and he's gonna melt," Alan said with a grin.
"Oh…sorry, he's just adorable," Neil replied. Hmm, and Alan didn't even seem to be jealous. "Are he and Frank…?"
"Nope, it rarely happens with roommates. Jesse had a boyfriend last spring. Stephen graduated and Jesse hasn't heard from him since…not once."
"Aww, that sucks…some guys are assholes."
"Yeah, Jesse is so sweet…and needy, are you interested?" Alan asked.
"Me? I don't know…you think it might work? Do you want me to go out with him? Talk to me Alan, what's up?" Neil asked.
"No issues between us, my friend. What we do is all fun…but you don't want a relationship with me, Neil, I already know that."
"It's not like that…I don't know what I want, Alan…you are my first…first…anything," Neil said.
Alan smiled. "Thank you…I guess we need to talk, but now you'll be late to class… Simmons hates that."
Neil hurried down the hall and slid into the classroom.
"Mr. Dennison?" Emma Simmons asked.
"Yes, ma'am, I apologize for being tardy."
"Forgiven, first days are difficult. Won't you please take a seat?"
"So, those of you that did well in Algebra will find that Trigonometry combines the functions of Geometry and Algebra. Expressing relationships by means of triangles leads to many important calculations in both spherical mathematics and physics as well."
That one sentence told Neil he was going to hate this class, and then he turned his head and looked straight into Jesse's eyes. Maybe he could reconsider that thought, and he smiled…and so did Jesse.
For little over an hour Neil did nothing but mindlessly write down their reading assignments and think about Jesse. His soft brown hair fell to his shoulders and the boy was constantly using a hand to brush it back off his face. Neil covertly looked at the boy, trying not to make it too obvious. Jesse had wonderfully long eyelashes, his features were amazing.
But like most of the boarders, Neil could see the wrinkles in his shirt and the missing button on his collar. The boy had only been here a few days…did he come here looking like that? It didn't speak well about the way his parents had prepared the boy for spending four months away from home. If anything it made Jesse endearing and Neil knew he had to get closer…as close as he could.
Class finally ended and Jesse remained in his seat writing in his notebook as the others filed out, Neil hadn't moved either. Simmons took a look their way and walked out the door, it was lunchtime.
"What?" Jesse said, startling Neil out of his reverie.
"You…I really like you," Neil said.
Jesse blushed again; it was something so real, so spectacular. "You do? I like you too."
"Will you…will you let me get to know you better?" Neil asked.
"Yes…yes, I'd like that. I mean…you're so…such a handsome…" Jesse said.
"Me? Oh, Jesse…you only have to look in a mirror to know how beautiful you are," Neil said. "I love everything about you on the outside, but I want to know what's inside."
The embarrassment was fully set now; Jesse's cheeks were aflame with the blush and Neil thought this shyness was so sweet.
"Do you want to sit with me at lunch?" Jesse asked.
"Yes…if I may," Neil said.
The feelings had come over him so suddenly, but Neil could feel his heart beating faster. Would this boy…could this boy allow himself to be loved? It was too soon to ask, but he knew the foundation existed.
They rose and walked for the door, but just as Jesse reached the threshold he turned back. His face came closer and his lips brushed Neil's cheek.
"Thank you…I need someone like you in my life," Jesse said, and then he was out the door.
The beauty of that moment held him transfixed for a second and then Neil snapped out of it, following Jesse down the hall. He hurried to catch up.
"You want to see my room?" Jesse asked.
"Sure, are day students allowed?"
"If invited, yes…it's not much, but I need to dump my books before lunch, did they give you a locker yet?"
"No, we get lockers in gym, right?" Neil asked.
"Yeah, there too, but I think day students have lockers down in the first floor Men's room…ask Alan."
They hit the outside doors and Jesse led the way across the quad towards Revere Hall.
"How well do you know Alan?" Neil asked.
"He sings well and likes to be in Tom's plays, you like theatre?"
"Never tried any, I only sing along with the radio…do you sing here, is there a chorus or something?" Neil asked.
"Yeah, a big chorus, maybe sixty or seventy guys get in that, I usually play for them," Jesse said.
"Play…oh, you play piano?" Neil asked.
Jesse smiled as he opened the door to the building. "Yes, it's what I do."
They took the stairs to the second floor and in through another door to the hallway of the dorm itself. Twenty doors lined the hall, ten on each side. Jesse led him towards the center of the hall where he opened the door to room nine.
"Frank and I have been roomies since our first year, he likes high, I like low," Jesse said, throwing his books on the bottom of the two beds. The room was all of sixteen feet square. Each boy had a dresser and a desk with space in a shared closet. Neil saw two footlockers stacked against the base of Jesse's bed, and on it sat an electronic keyboard.
"I can practice up here if I wear headphones. Frank says the clicking of the keys bothers him but then his jerking off all the time gets to me too," Jesse said with a laugh. "I'm just not as sexual as Frank, he's obsessed."
"Then he has no reason to complain," Neil said. And he suddenly realized they were alone in a room with the door closed. "Jesse…Jesse, can I kiss you?"
Jesse turned and took a step closer. "We really ought to go to lunch."
"One kiss…I have to know something," Neil said, stepping even closer, his face only inches from Jesse's.
"What?" Jesse said…his voice a mere whisper.
"I’m very attracted to you and…and I have to know why I feel this way. It will only be a little kiss, I promise," Neil said.
Jesse nodded and closed his eyes as Neil put his hand on the boy's cheek, closed his eyes and then leaned in for his kiss. The moment they touched it was like stars exploded, filling his mind with the most passionate feelings he had ever experienced…and the kiss went on.
Neil kept his eyes shut as he felt Jesse's body press against him, hands circling his waist and pressing them together. Jesse was just as lost in the feeling, and then they both ran out of air. Their lips parted with a mutual gasp and Neil opened his eyes and saw Jesse staring back at him.
Those brown eyes held him captive, Neil could barely breathe.
"Did you get an answer?" Jesse whispered.
Neil felt a slow smile creep across his lips. "Yes…I know that kissing you once will never be enough." And Jesse's smile matched his own for a moment and then faded. Jesse turned to stand by the window, pulling aside the blinds and looking out across the quad.
"I've been in love before, Neil…I know what it feels like. It hurts…and I don't know if I'm ready to go there again."
Neil walked over and put his hands on Jesse's shoulders, his touch gentle….consoling.
"Alan told me…I'm sorry," He said.
"I thought you guys were into something because Alan said you dated for most of the summer," Jesse said.
"We did…but the feelings aren't there for either of us. I want you in my arms, Jesse. I know you've been hurt and I'm willing to wait until you say it's okay…I mean that."
"You might have to wait a long while, I don't know just yet. I understand what could happen between us…I have to think about this and meditate," Jesse said.
"Please, just think about it…about us. When do you meditate?" Neil asked.
"Oh, it's not a religious thing…it's what I do when I play. Have you ever been in the theatre building?" Jesse asked.
"No…You play there?"
"Tom let me have the auditorium three nights a week last semester, I'm just waiting for him to set up the fall schedule and give me some time. They have a wonderful Steinway concert grand, it sounds awesome in there."
Jesse turned around and Neil's hands slid around his neck while Jesse reached up and held his arms. "I go there to think about my life. The music I play takes me out of my body, as if I'm floating on air…and I think about my crappy parents and what Stephen did to me."
Tears were starting to flow down Jesse's face and Neil couldn't help but pull the boy into his arms. He felt Jesse's body shake with the sobs and it broke his heart to feel all that pain. He held Jesse tight, willing the pain away, hoping he could make just a slight difference in the boy's life…and the minutes rolled by.
Jesse placed a hand on Neil's chest and pushed himself back until their eyes met again. Neil took a stray lock of hair and pushed it back off the boy's face, his fingers caressing that soft skin.
"I'm sorry…I haven't come to terms with all those feelings yet," Jesse said.
"No…It's good…I want you to be honest with me about those feelings, always…I'm here for you," Neil said.
"Will you come hear me play? I'll make it special for you," Jesse said.
Neil couldn't stop himself. His fingers brushed across Jesse's damp cheek and cupped his chin, lifting his face and bringing their lips together once more. It was a gentle and loving kiss, without the passion they had shared before, it was a healing kiss. And then Jesse pressed against Neil's chest once more.
"I think we need to stop, Neil. I won't be able to sleep tonight because of you," Jesse said, and then he smiled. "I want you in my life…I really do…give me time."
Neil took Jesse's hand and kissed his fingers, noticing for the first time how long and slender they were…the hands of an artist.
"Take all the time you need…I don't plan to die young. I won't be anything but what you want me to be. But know this, when you do decide, I want to love you and everything that goes with it. You'll always know how I feel because I'll be the boy standing beside you."
Jesse smiled and nodded. "I'm on it…you are so dear."
"Lunch?" Neil asked.
"If anything's left," Jesse said.
"Can you come home with me some weekend…will your parents give you permission?" Neil asked.
"My aunt will, she's the reason I'm here," Jesse said. "But I'll have to tell you all about that."
"Okay, I'm all ears," Neil said.
Jesse giggled. "No, you have cute ears."
Neil wiggled his eyebrows. "Don't stop there…you haven't seen the best parts yet."
Jesse smiled. "Oh I will, we have gym class together."
Neil returned the smile. "That goes for you too, sweet stuff."
Jesse laughed and led them out of the room. Neil followed along, staring at Jesse's cute bottom. And this was only his first day! Lord, was life going to be different here.