When we got home from the hospital Sunday night, Mrs. Phillips, our neighbor from the farm next door, was there with a casserole. She told me that a number of the church women had gotten together and were going to provide dinners for us for a few weeks until things got settled. I thanked her gratefully and we enjoyed a wonderful, different, filling dinner.
After dinner I broke the news to my brothers and Josh that I thought they should all go to school in the morning. “It’s not going to do any good for us all to sit around the hospital all day. You need to get your schooling.” My brothers protested vehemently but I was adamant and Josh backed me up.
“What about you?” asked Josh.
“I’m gonna call my school advisor tomorrow and ask if there’s any way I can do the work online. If I can I guess I’ll try to do it in the evenings. When Grandpa comes home he’ll need somebody here most of the time and I may have to skip some school or get somebody to come in.”
In the morning after the boys left, Charlie seeing them off as usual, I did call the school and my advisor told me he’d make arrangements for me to work online.
Going out the door to head for the hospital I nearly tripped over Charlie. He had been really sad since Grandpa left. Of course he didn’t understand, but I sat on the porch step and patted him for a while. Before leaving I said, “You’re in charge here, Charlie. Take care of everything while we’re gone.” He wagged his tail, maybe happy to know what his job was.
When I got to the hospital I discovered that Grandpa had been moved into his own room. He tried to reach out with his left arm and it moved a little so I went over, took his hand, and kissed him.
During the day he was taken out of the room twice, once for physical therapy and once for occupational therapy. I knew he was trying to speak so when I had a moment I asked one of the therapists about it. She said the speech therapist had worked with him in his room before I had arrived.
When I got home the boys were already there finishing their chores. They all wanted to know how Grandpa was so I told them about his room and the therapy.
I was growing very worried about Derek. He’d been pretty quiet and I noticed that he still hadn’t cried at all either when we first found Grandpa or afterwards. So after dinner I took him aside and asked how he was.
Looking down at his lap he just shrugged.
“Are you feeling sad about Grandpa?” I asked.
He nodded.
“Are you scared for him?”
He nodded again.
“You know, Derek, it’s OK to cry. I’ve cried a lot this week and so has Josh. It’s not babyish or anything. It’s just maybe how you feel.”
“That’s the problem,” he said. “I wish I could cry, but I can’t. Sometimes at night I hear Teddy crying and it makes me real sad and everything but I can’t cry. Does that mean there’s something wrong with me?”
“No. It doesn’t. We each react to sadness in our own way. Right now I think you’re kinda bottling it all up inside you. Someday, you’ll be able to let it out, but until then, just remember that Josh and I are here to talk to and we’ll help you any way we can.”
“Thanks,” he said quietly before getting up and leaving.
Later, when I told Josh about our talk, he agreed that we just had to let Derek take his time.
Days turned into weeks. Grandpa was making some progress with his arm and his left hand, but he was still unable to speak, and the therapist told me once that she was afraid he had lost his speech for good.
As I drove back and forth between home and Hanover I got to thinking about what Grandpa had done. He had taught me how to drive. He had even shown me how to use his bankcard. He had taught both me and Josh a lot about farming. Then at Christmas he had gotten us the internet, which was now making it possible for me to do school online. I wondered if this had all been some kind of plan, if he knew that eventually something might happen to him and I would need to take over. I didn’t know, and I never asked him, but I liked to think he was looking out for us as well as teaching me what I needed to know to grow up.
And I guess in the last few weeks I had grown up a lot. Not only had I taken on a lot of responsibility for the farm but I was looking at my brothers in a different way, as people I needed to care for and not just the nuisances brothers sometimes are. I think I’d become more serious too; I didn’t laugh as often and I was really intent on making everything go well.
Josh noticed this and we talked about it some. Again he told me I didn’t have to take on all the responsibility, but I felt like I did. It was my grandfather’s farm; the two younger boys were my brothers. Nevertheless, Josh was a great help, and I knew I couldn’t have gotten through those weeks without his work and his moral support.
One day when I went into Grandpa’s hospital room he had a pad of paper on his table and he was trying to write something with his left hand, which was not his writing hand. When he finished he motioned for me to read it. It took me a while to decipher the scrawl but I gathered that he wanted me to get something called medical power of attorney. I asked at the hospital what a medical power of attorney was. They said it was a document which assigned the right to make medical decision about a person to somebody else. But they said I had to be eighteen for it to be legal. When I told him that he looked frustrated but didn’t say anything more about it.
In the early spring I asked Mr. Phillips to show me how to tap maple trees. He did, telling me to take all the sap I got over to his sugar house to be boiled. It was hard work, but when we finished we had much more maple syrup than we could possibly use, so Mr. Phillips offered to take the rest and sell it for us.
In the short term, money was not a problem. I just hoped we had good crops that summer.
Josh was going to school each day but he was spending the nights with us and helping so that I could work online. One day he brought an iPad with him and suggested that Grandpa might be able to use it to communicate. It had an app called “Pages” which would make it possible for him to write whatever he wanted to.
When we took it to Grandpa one Saturday he was doubtful at first. Of course he couldn’t say that, but I could see it in his eyes. But when I showed him how it worked and how he could write messages to people more easily than using a pen, he started to smile his half-smile and soon we were having brief conversations.
Two things happened at once. Planting time came and Grandpa was released from the hospital. I didn’t know how we were going to manage that at first. The social worker at the hospital said we needed to get a hospital bed and a wheelchair for Grandpa and helped us rent them. I assumed that we would put Grandpa in his own bedroom and wasn’t sure where Josh and I would sleep, but when the men brought the bed and the wheelchair they pointed out that his bedroom door was so narrow neither the bed nor the wheelchair would go through. They suggested setting the bed up in the living room, and that’s what we did.
Grandpa was clearly happy to be home again. I cautioned my brothers that they needed to keep the noise and the chaos down. They were really very good. Grandpa insisted on sitting in his wheelchair at the table trying to feed himself, so I cut things in small pieces for him and he did manage to eat on his own.
I knew from caring for Mom how to take care of his elimination and how to bathe him. He wore a diaper, and it was pretty gross the first time he soiled himself. He cried because I had to clean him, but we soon got past that and I got used to the diaper, and the mess, and to bathing him. When Josh learned how to do these things too we shared the job.
We gave Grandpa an old school bell he could ring if he needed help when I was upstairs on the computer or we were in our bedrooms.
The physical therapists had said that I had to keep exercising his arms and legs or they would atrophy, so I did. He complained some but I think it was just him. He did write once that he really appreciated all we were doing for him. I told him it was just payback for all he had done for us.
Meanwhile, the planting had begun, first the plowing and removal of the waste weeds which we again burned. I drove the tractor with the plow while the boys followed behind planting potatoes. When that was done we worked in the vegetable garden. While we worked, Mrs. Phillips stayed with Grandpa. What a very kind and generous woman she was. She also told us that the food would keep coming, at least until we got the planting done. That was a relief, although, to be honest, we were getting a little tired of casseroles and pasta.
Josh and I continued to love each other in the bedroom. At first we tried to be really quiet, but soon we realized that Grandpa slept very soundly, so we relaxed. It was wonderful at the end of the day to cuddle and kiss and make love. We both really enjoyed oral sex and did it often, although sometimes we just brought each other off with our hands. During these weeks we grew closer and closer and often told each other of our love.
One night Josh said, “I think we should celebrate getting all the planting done.”
“OK. How?”
“By cornholing.”
“What’s that?”
All he would say was, “Wait and see.”
In the bedroom we went through the usual routine of undressing each other. Then we kissed and tongued each other. I loved exploring his body. Every night I seemed to find something different that gave him a new sensation.
Finally, Josh showed me how he wanted me to position myself. Then he produced a tube of something from the dresser.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“You’ll see,” he said, smiling. He squeezed something from the tube onto his finger. Then, very gently he pushed my butt cheeks apart and put his finger on my hole. That was a new and wonderful sensation. At first, he just spread the stuff around my hole. Then he got some more and began to insert his finger into my ass. I felt a thrill go through my body and my cock grew as hard as it had ever been.
By then I knew what he was going to do. We had watched boys doing this online but at the time we had said we weren’t ready for it. Now I guess he thought we were.
He pulled his finger out and got some more of the stuff, which was a lubricant, and again pressed his finger into my hole. I was really tight at first, but as he eased it in a little it felt so good. He took his finger out again, lubricated it some more and went back to work. This time he got farther in and managed to touch my prostate.
“Oh, wow! That’s so wonderful!”
“Just wait,” he said. He lubricated two fingers and pressed them both in as my ass seemed to expand a little to take them. After that he used three fingers. That hurt a little at first. I was wishing his fingers would go farther in because they felt so good, but I tried to be patient.
Finally, he asked, “Now, do you think you’re ready?”
“Yeah. Go for it!”
He lubricated his cock and touched it to my hole. “Let me know if this hurts,” he said. I nodded and he began to push very gently. He felt me go tense so he pulled away and put on more lubricant. “Try pushing just a little against me, like you would on the toilet,” he said. I did. I felt the tip begin to overcome the resistance of my hole. Then, suddenly, the resistance just gave way and he was in. “Oh… oh… oh! I moaned involuntarily. He went in as far as he could. It was so sexy!!! We just lay there with him inside me.
In a few moments he again asked, “Are you ready?”
“Yeah,” I panted.
Very slowly and gently as I kept moaning he began to move in and out, rubbing against my prostate as he did. By that time I was so hard I thought I was gonna come without him touching me.
Once more he asked, “Ready?” and I nodded. He thrust one last time as deeply as he could, at the same time he grabbed my cock. I felt him come inside me, throbbing and throbbing and suddenly I came myself, more, I think, than I ever had before. “A…a…a…ah!” I almost shouted. The feelings were so incredible and I never wanted them to stop. But of course they did.
At last he withdrew and I felt my ass closing. Even that was sexy. I took an old sock and cleaned my cum from myself and the sheet, and then he cleaned his cock. We lay together in each other’s arms not saying a word. And we fell asleep that way.
In the middle of the night, I felt a hand on my crotch. Sleepily I reached for Josh’s and we silently brought each other off again. I felt I was in heaven.
When school let out for the summer, I still had some work to do online. Sometimes I stayed in the house with Grandpa and worked while the other three worked in the fields and the garden. I felt badly that I wasn’t doing my part, but they wouldn’t hear any of that, assuring me that I was doing more than my part.
I did however, persuade each of them to take a time staying with Grandpa because I thought it was good for both him and them.
In the evenings we still played board games or just talked or read. Grandpa was able to read some, and with his iPad he could join in the conversations.
It was a wonderful summer. The days were warm but not too hot, and the house was full of such love you could almost reach out and touch it. We got rain just when we needed it. Once in a while Mrs. Phillips would stay with Grandpa and we would go to the creek for a swim. Josh and I didn’t use the barn much anymore, but we did occasionally, just for old times’ sake.
Before we realized it, Labor Day came and Josh and my brothers returned to school while I returned to the computer. I had turned seventeen and Josh and I were now Juniors. Derek was nearly twelve and was in middle school, while Teddy was in second grade.
With Mrs. Phillips taking care of Grandpa we managed to get a bumper crop in on time. We had more apples, vegetables, and hay than we could ever use and were able to sell the leftovers to replenish our bank account.
On a Saturday morning in November, I was awakened by Josh, who said, “I think you need to come into the living room.”
Pulling on some shorts, I hurried in. Grandpa was lying in bed, not awake but seemingly peaceful.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“I can’t wake him,” Josh replied.
I shook Grandpa’s shoulder gently and called his name. Shaking harder and calling louder I began to panic. I leaned over his chest to try to hear a heartbeat but couldn’t hear one; I felt for a pulse, but couldn’t find one. Finally I took a flashlight, opened his eye and shone the light into it. The pupil didn’t react.
“He’s dead,” I said in disbelief.
Josh put his hand on my shoulder. I turned in to his chest and began to sob. The boys must have heard us because they came down the stairs asking what was wrong.
“Grandpa died in the night,” Josh said in a shaky voice.
“NO!” Derek cried. “He can’t have. We were just joking with him last night.”
“I’m sorry,” I managed to say. “He did. I think he died very peacefully in his sleep without even knowing it.”
For the first time in forever I saw Derek cry. “Don’t die, Grandpa! You can’t die!” he sobbed. He was hugging Grandpa and shaking with violent, convulsive sobs. I held him close, just rubbing his back gently and murmuring, “It’s OK, Derek. Just let it out.” He wept and wept. Finally the sobs subsided and he stood up. Of course we were all crying, tears streaming down our faces.
Derek looked at me and said, “Now he won’t be sick and unhappy anymore, will he?”
“No,” I said. “He’s not unhappy or sick now. He’s at peace.” I covered Grandpa with a blanket and called the police to ask what to do. They sent out an ambulance. While we waited we all tried to clean our faces as well as we could. Then we just sat in silence. Charlie knew something was wrong and he whimpered. The EMTs confirmed that Grandpa was dead and said they would take him to the funeral home. Teddy held Charlie while Grandpa left the house for the last time.
We all cried as we watched them load him into the ambulance and drive away.
I knew I had to be strong for Derek and Teddy, but it was so hard. Somehow we got through the day, doing our chores. I called the school and told them the boys wouldn’t be in for a few days. Then I called our minister who asked if I wanted him to come out. I said I thought I did.
He came in the afternoon and talked with us for a while. He told us fond memories of Grandpa and even got us laughing through our tears. He prayed with us and comforted us. He said he’d work with the undertaker for the funeral and asked if we wanted Grandpa buried in the family plot beside the Grandma we never knew. I said yes and thanked him. When he left he told me to call him any time I needed help.
When the boys went to bed, Derek asked, “Was it wrong for us to laugh this afternoon? Would Grandpa be insulted?”
“No,” I said. “I don’t think it was wrong. Grandpa would be happy that we had good memories of him. He loved to laugh and he would be glad that we could.”
The boys had trouble sleeping that night. In bed Josh and I talked for a long time. “He did so much for us.” I said. “He was so understanding even when I was awful to him.” Remembering those times I teared up again.
Josh gently wiped my tears away. “He was good to all of us, Greg. And he accepted us being gay without batting an eye.”
“He never told anybody but me and Grandma,” I said, “but he was gay himself.” Then I went on to tell Josh again all about our family.
Josh just hugged me and listened as I told him again about Mom and Dad and what had happened. I told him about coming to the farm and how mad and awful I’d been. I told him what Grandpa had told me about my uncles and my dad and finally that he too was gay, as well as my oldest uncle.
When I finished he said, “What a saint.”
“Well,” I said, chuckling despite myself, “I’m not sure everybody around here would agree he was a saint but he sure took care of us.”
We were silent for a while, just cuddling. Finally I said, “I wonder what’s going to happen now. You know there’s no legal adult in the house anymore.”
“We’ll figure that out. You need to get some sleep. Do you want me to just rub your back?”
“Yes, please.” So he did and I finally fell into a fitful sleep.