At Dr. Butkus’ office the following Monday, Matthew told the doctor all about the party including his gift. Despite Matthew’s discomfort at the party, the doctor could see that the boy was perhaps the happiest he had been since he had begun therapy. He asked Matthew about any dreams he had had and was pleased to hear that there had been no bad dreams since the one he had reported the previous Monday.
“You know, Doctor, I think I’m beginning to get a little better. I remember that Mr. Johnson said I wouldn’t get entirely back to normaI or be cured because I would always have the scars of what happened. It did happen — it’s now a part of my past and I know that. But he also said I’ll continue to improve with time and I think he’s right; I already feel different. Lately I haven’t had bad dreams, I’ve hardly thought of Sinclair, and I’ve been having a wonderful time with Stephan.”
Dr. Butkus smiled and nodded.
Matthew continued, telling the therapist about the upcoming sleepover. He went on, asking, “Can I tell you something very private?” The doctor nodded. “Well, when Stephan was posing for me the other day I told him about my dreams of being beside him in bed and jerking off. Do you remember?” Again the doctor nodded. “So, when I finished the work for the day, Stephan asked me if I’d like to do what I dreamed of. Of course, I said yes. I was really excited but I was really anxious too. I couldn’t even undress in front of him, although we’ve certainly done that in the gym locker room plenty of times. I went into the bathroom, undressed, and covered myself with a towel. I guess I was just feeling shy. Anyway, when I went back in the bedroom, Stephan was on the bed, naked. He told me to drop the towel and lie beside him, so I did. Then we jerked ourselves off. It was wonderful!” After a moment he continued, “That’s another reason why I think I’m beginning to get better, and I wonder if I’m beginning to fall in love.”
The doctor smiled, agreeing that it certainly was possible, but he cautioned Matthew not to set his hopes too high, knowing that teenage love affairs seldom lasted. He encouraged the boy to just take things as they came and to enjoy what he was experiencing. Matthew thanked him and left.
After school the next day, Stephan arrived to begin posing for the nude picture. Matthew hadn’t decided whether he wanted to pose Stephan standing, rather like a Greek or Roman statue, or reclining, but with Stephan’s obvious Greek features he settled on the former. When Stephan disrobed he had an erection, but Matthew ignored it, being very businesslike, and it eventually returned to its flaccid state. He posed his friend rather like the pictures he had seen of Michelangelo’s “David,” with his body facing forward, his face turned a bit to the left. The left hand he put up relaxed under his model’s chin, while the right hand hung at his side, forming a straight line down his leg to the floor. He had Stephan bend his left knee just a bit; then he began to sketch. He had decided to do the first picture in charcoal as it wouldn’t take as long and he wasn’t yet really confident with oils.
When he had worked long enough and he saw his model begin to tire, he shyly asked, hoping and praying for the right answer, if Stephan would like to do a little something in bed before he left. Stephan smiled happily as Matthew removed his clothes, this time with no embarrassment.
When they were naked, Stephan put his hands lightly on Matthew’s shoulders, looking him over closely.
Even this, Matthew thought, is sexy, and his penis began to fill and rise.
“You know, I meant it the other day when I said you were beautiful,” said Stephan. “You have such lovely skin. Your chest is just starting to develop nicely, and, if you don’t mind me saying so, your ass is amazing.”
As they moved to the bed, Matthew laughed happily and responded, “You have a wonderful ass too. It’s cute!” Stephan laughed.
This time, there was no tension in Matthew’s body. He was relaxed, enjoying the anticipation. They lay, side by side, and began, very slowly masturbating. Stephan suggested they have a contest to see who could hold out the longest, but soon they were beyond stopping. Slowly relaxing after they finished, they looked at each other and grinned. Stephan took a towel and cleaned himself and Matthew off.
Although they both wanted to continue with their close feelings, it was time for Stephan to go. They arranged that he would return on Wednesday.
After fantasizing and masturbating that night, Matthew smiled contentedly, rolled on his side, and slept.
The next time he modeled, Stephan stripped unselfconsciously and naturally assumed the pose he had held before. Matthew drew thoughtfully, carefully, trying to get not only the form but the shading right. The genitals gave him the most trouble, as he’d never attempted drawing them before. He labored over them for some time before he was satisfied.
When he finished, he invited Stephan to look. Stephan went to the drawing, standing naked in front of it. He studied it in detail and told Matthew how much he liked it. “I looked at the two portraits I have before I came and now, looking at this, I understand about the shading and how it shows what angle the light’s coming from. It would really be very dull without the shading, wouldn’t it?” Matthew agreed.
Stephan looked at him and asked, “So when are you taking your clothes off?”
Laughing quietly, Matthew responded, “Immediately. Thanks for asking.”
Once again they lay beside each other, each simply enjoying the proximity of his friend as time passed. At last, Stephan rose up on his elbow, leaned over Matthew, and asked, “Do you think you’re ready for me to jerk you off?”
After some hesitation, Matthew asked, “Will you stop if I ask you to?” Stephan nodded so Matthew agreed to try it. Stephan rolled on his side towards Matthew. Reaching over with his left hand he began to rub his friend’s chest. Immediately Matthew became tense and began to quiver.
“What’s wrong?” Stephan asked, removing his hand.
“I’m sorry, Stephan. I had a flashback to when Sinclair did that to me.”
After thinking for a moment, Stephan said, “You know, Matthew, this isn’t anything like what Sinclair did to you. He was just sick. Not only am I gay but I think I love you, and I want to show you that.”
“I know,” said Matthew, lying quietly until his anxiety subsided. At length he said, “Try it now, Stephan.”
Again Stephan reached for Matthew’s chest. As he touched it, the boy stiffened for a minute but then forced himself to relax. Stephan continued rubbing gently, toying with his friend’s nipples before moving down towards his stomach. Eventually, he touched his penis gently and it sprang up. They both snickered. After fondling it, he moved his hand to the scrotum and softly massaged it. Matthew sighed, feeling the tension rise in his groin. Then Stephan held Matthew’s penis for a few moments before beginning to move his hand up and down as Matthew groaned.
After Matthew came and he relaxed, Stephan again lay beside him. Matthew observed, “You know, Stephan, it feels even better when you do it to me than when I do myself.” Then finally, timidly, he asked, “Do you want me to do that for you?” Stephan nodded, so Matthew proceeded to do exactly what Stephan had done for him. When they had finished and cleaned off, Matthew again lay beside his friend. Stephan said, “You’re right. It does feel even better. I wonder why that is.”
Lying beside his friend with his eyes closed, Matthew said, “Stephan, I think I love you too. You’re so wonderfully funny and gentle with me, and, of course, you’re beautiful.” Stephan smiled happily. “What I don’t understand, Stephan, is why you would love me. I’m not good looking, I’m a wimp, and I can’t think why you’re attracted to me.”
Stephan laughed. “Actually, he said, “I do think that you’re really quite handsome. You just don’t know it. And you’re certainly not a wimp. You were very brave at the trial and I admire you for it. But I also think maybe love can’t be explained by looks or anything else you could name. It just happens, like a sort of chemistry. I find I love everything about you, yes, your looks, but also your art, your sense of humor, your thoughtfulness. I just can’t explain it any more than that.”
Then, as Matthew lay quietly with his eyes still closed, he felt a gentle kiss on his lips. Mesmerized, and without thinking he responded, raising a hand to hold Stephan’s head lightly and kissing him back, both boys quivering joyfully.
When they released each other they lay, each reflecting quitely.
Am I seducing Matthew? Stephan wondered. Perhaps, but I don’t think of what I’m doing that way. I just want him to feel good, to be happy, and to enjoy his own body and the sensations it gives.
Finally, Matthew spoke. “Do you remember when I first told you I was gay and you asked if you could kiss me?” Stephan nodded. “I never thought, Stephan, even after you asked, that I would ever kiss another boy. Even when we talked about loving each other, that never entered my mind, but I’m glad you did it. If you had asked, I probably would have given you that line about not being ready yet, but somehow, you knew that I was and just did it. It was amazing.”
Stephan, smiling, took his friend’s hand. “I’m glad you enjoyed it, and I’m really happy that my first kiss was with you.”
Finally Matthew said, “I can’t tell you how much you’re helping me, Stephan. I feel so much better these days, and I don’t feel like anything we’re doing is dirty or wrong. It just feels so right.”
Stephan smiled happily. At last he sighed and said, “I suppose I have to go. I’m afraid there’s no time for an art lesson today.” Matthew tried to convince him to stay longer, but Stephan knew he would be in trouble if he was late. The boys stood facing each other and dressed, all embarrassment gone. Stephan kissed Matthew goodbye, and left. Matthew walked back to the nude picture, thinking, “Next time I need to draw something sexier.” Then covering it and putting it with his other paintings, he went downstairs to dinner.
Throughout dinner, he sat smiling contentedly to himself until his mother could stand it no longer. “Matthew, you look like the proverbial cat that caught the canary. What are you smiling about?”
Thinking fast, Matthew said, “I’m just really happy, Mom. I love doing art with Stephan and we have a lot of fun together.” Of course, he thought, smiling again, I won’t explain what the fun is.