The sleepover was planned for the Friday and Saturday nights after Thanksgiving, so Matthew arrived early Friday afternoon. As the boys were going upstairs, they encountered a young man whom Stephan introduced as his brother, Stavros, who was home from college for the long weekend. Matthew stared up and down at him, knowing that Stavros was the image of what Stephan would become – confident, strong, and handsome, with the same black curly hair and deep-set eyes. Stavros said he was happy to meet Matthew and would see him at dinner.
In Stephan’s room Matthew said, “My gosh, Stephan, he looks just like an older you. Is he as nice as you?”
“No. He’s much nicer,” replied Stephan with a smile. “Remember I told you you’d like him.”
Matthew reminded Stephan that he was going to give him model-building lessons, so in Stephan’s room they perched on stools at the workbench. Stephan gave Matthew one of the model kits he had received for his birthday, saying it was a duplicate of one he had already built and he wanted Matthew to try it. He emphasized that Matthew should not rush and should follow the directions exactly and in order. Soon they were working side by side. From time to time Matthew asked a question about the directions, and once he miss-cut a piece which Stephan helped him repair. Since it was often necessary to wait for glue to dry before moving on to the next step, he had plenty of time to examine in more detail all the models hanging from the ceiling. As they talked, Matthew told his friend that he wanted to try a “sexier” nude picture, probably reclining and wondered if Stephan would pose again. Stephan enthusiastically agreed and they made a date for the following Tuesday.
The boys were called to dinner about 6:30. Stephan’s mother apologized for serving leftovers from their Thanksgiving dinner, but Matthew assured her that he loved turkey and stuffing, mashed potatoes, green beans, onions, and of course, the pumpkin pie for dessert. He knew that, if he had been eating at home, he would have had exactly the same menu. He said that he considered leftovers one of the primary benefits of Thanksgiving. Stavros laughed and they set to eating. The dinner went well, Matthew feeling comfortable with Stephan’s parents and Stavros. Stavros keeping him in the conversation, asked, “So, Matthew, what are you interested in?”
Matthew told him about his art and his reading, and mentioned beginning to make models with Stephan’s help.
“Stephan showed me the self-portrait you did. Now looking at you in the flesh I can see what an outstanding piece of work it is.” Matthew blushed and thanked him. “So,” Stavros asked, “what in heaven’s name do you see in Stephan?”
Matthew and Stephan both laughed. Then, reflecting for a minute, Matthew asked tentatively, “Do you know what happened to me on the scout camping trip?” Stavros nodded. “Well,” continued Matthew, “Stephan was the one who befriended me that weekend, and since then he’s been so kind and thoughtful he’s been helping me get beyond that terrible experience. I don’t think I could do it without him.” Stavros gave his brother a thumbs up and a big grin.
After dinner, Stephan invited his brother and Matthew to his bedroom where he showed Stavros the portrait of himself which he was going to give to his parents for Christmas. Stavros scrutinized it carefully, taking in all the details. “You’ve really caught him, Matthew, both his looks and his personality. Super work!” Matthew positively glowed with pride.
Alone again, the two boys returned to their models, working for a couple of hours before deciding to get ready for bed. After brushing their teeth and preparing to undress, Stephan said he wanted to try something, but assured Matthew that, if it made him uncomfortable he would stop. When Matthew nodded, Stephan moved close to him and began to unbutton his friend’s shirt. Removing Matthew’s shirt and undershirt, he asked him to sit while he removed the boy’s sneakers and socks. Then, raising him up again, he started to undo Matthew’s trousers. Matthew, who was breathing hard by this point, asked him to wait a bit. “Are you OK, Matthew?” Stephan asked. Matthew nodded and told him to continue. Soon Matthew was standing in nothing but his bulging undershorts.
Matthew suggested that Stephan wait, and then he began to undress his friend, going through the same sequence, so that presently they were both naked except for their swollen jockey shorts. Each boy reached to the other’s waist and started to remove the shorts, working gently so as not to hurt each other. As their penises became free of the elastic, they both sprang to attention and the boys snickered.
“God, you have a beautiful cock!” said Stephan.
“So do you! How do you get yours to stand up like that?” Stephan told him it was just naturally that way. They lay beside one another on the bed, once again each boy thinking his own thoughts. This time, Matthew began. He kissed Stephan’s mouth before moving his hand to Stephan’s penis and scrotum and messaging them gently. Then he began familiar motion. Stephan groaned happily, his excitement steadily building. When he had come elatedly, he relaxed, sighing.
“That was wonderful, Matthew! Matthew just smiled and lay beside his friend. Soon, Stephan brought Matthew to a climax, the sensations thrilling through his friend’s body.
They lay chatting for a time, before finally falling asleep. In the middle of the night, Matthew was awakened by a hand gently rubbing his chest. Instantly he went rigid, memories of how Sinclair had awakened him on Black Weekend flooding his mind. “What’s the matter?” asked Stephan, pulling his hand away. Matthew sighed and told him about the flashback, his eyes filling with tears. “Oh Lord, I’m sorry, Matthew. I forgot that’s how it happened. I didn’t mean to make you remember.” Matthew turned on his side, facing Stephan and telling him not to worry. Now that he was awake he wasn’t upset. Soon, the two were once again in each other’s arms, gently stroking one another. In time, they drifted off to sleep and happy dreams, not awakening until morning.
Stephan suggested that they shower before breakfast. “I’m not sure how much other people can smell our cum, but let’s not take any chances.” In the bathroom they decided to shower together, discovering that washing each other all over was exciting in itself.
After breakfast they went into town to shop. Stephan took his friend to the model store where Matthew, with the other boy’s advice, selected a couple of models to try at home as well as glue, model paints, and brushes. Then Matthew showed Stephan his favorite art shop, where Stephan purchased tablets of paper, charcoal and pastels.
Back in Stephan’s room, they worked on their models for a time before Matthew suggested that Stephan try the pastels. Agreeing, Stephan again drew lines on the paper, not trying to create specific shapes but just making colorful, pleasant designs. “Now,” said Matthew, “you need to decide where your light’s coming from. Stephan decided on the lower right corner and began shading in the shapes, moving from darker shading in the upper left corner to lighter shading in the lower right.
Finished, he examined his work critically and said, “I really like that.” At Matthew’s suggestion, Stephan had also purchased some fixative, so he sprayed the paper lightly, being sure he kept the spray even. “Let’s show my parents!” he exclaimed. So down the stairs they went, finding his parents and Stavros in the living room. His parents were suitably impressed, while Stavros said with a grin that it was “pretty good for an amateur.”
After lunch, Matthew posed Stephan the way he wanted him for the nude picture. Stephan lay on his right side, propped up on his elbow with his right leg straight, his left knee bent slightly and his left hand near his crotch. Matthew told him that, when the time came, he wanted Stephan to have an erection but to save it for later. Then he said, “OK, this is the tricky part. I want you look at me with an expression that says you want to have sex with me.” At first, both boys laughed at Stephan’s attempts, but eventually he achieved more or less what Matthew desired and promised he would practice with the mirror. Matthew didn’t get any farther than sketching in the outlines of the picture in pastels because he wanted to use the lights in his studio before he did any shading.
That evening, at bedtime, the two boys slowly and simultaneously undressed each other then went to the bed with their erections waiting expectantly. Stephan suggested that they face each other and each caress and kiss the other at the same time. It took them a few minutes to get the tangle of arms and legs straightened out, but in time they succeeded and loved each other at length.
After cleaning themselves, they again fell asleep in each other’s arms. In the middle of the night they awoke and embraced. Stephan kissed Matthew who kissed him back before they fell asleep, not awakening until morning, when they showered as each again enjoyed the sensation of being washed and dried by his friend.
Through they day, they worked on their separate projects, with Matthew finishing his first model, deciding he would wait to paint it until he got home.
Back in his studio that evening, Matthew began work on the self-portrait for his parents’ Christmas gift. He and Stephan had agreed not to exchange presents at Christmas as they had so recently done so. Matthew worked happily, humming to himself as the pastels began creating the image on the page.
At Dr. Butkus’ office on Monday, Matthew told the therapist about the projects he and Stephan had undertaken. “Did anything happen on the sleepover?” the doctor asked.
Blushing a fiery red, Matthew wondered whether the time had come to talk with the doctor about his sexuality. Finally he replied a little timidly, “Can we talk about being gay?“
“We certainly can. Do you think you’re ready?” Matthew nodded. “OK. Do you think you’re gay, Matthew?”
“I’m pretty sure I am and I know Stephan is... The idea kind of frightens me.”
“Why does the idea frighten you?”
“Because I’ve always thought it was disgusting and I know most people don’t approve. Then there’s Sinclair, who must have been gay, even though he was a pedophile. You and Mr. Johnson and Stephan have all explained the difference to me, but I’m still uneasy about it.”
“OK, Matthew, do you think you have any interest in quite young boys?”
“Oh no! Never!”
“Alright. You know that Most gays seek out boys or men their own age. Let me tell you what I think about that. I don’t think it’s disgusting. I agree that many people do, and what you may not know is that many things homosexuals do are illegal. But I believe what people do in their personal lives is their own business, not the business of the law. What some gays struggle to do is to keep themselves private, which is sad in a way, but, at this point in time at least it’s essential. If Stephan is gay and you’re his friend, that’s fine. You need to keep his secret. But you also need to make clear where the limits are. If he wants to have sex with you and you don’t want it, you need to make that understood. He won’t stop being your friend, you know.”
“OK, but what if I do want to have sex with him?”
“That’s something you’ll need to decide for yourself. Either way, I certainly won’t judge you. Take it slowly. If you want to do something with him and he wants to do it that’s OK, but don’t let him rush you. All right?”
Matthew nodded. Then, taking a deep breath, he told the doctor what he and Stephan had been doing. “Do you think we’re weird, Doctor? I mean we just can’t seem to get enough of each other. I think if we could we’d spend all day and all night in bed together.”
“No, I don’t think you’re weird at all. When boys become physically capable of having sex, the urge to do it is almost overwhelming, and it stays that way for several years. Eventually, it tapers off some, but in the meantime you need to be sure to keep a balance in your life. Sex can be part of it, but not to the exclusion of everything else. I’m glad you’ve both found projects to do. I also hope, in time, that you, Matthew, will develop other friends, not necessarily for sex but for friendship. Don’t keep your life too narrow.”
When the doctor spoke of finding other friends, Matthew felt a little chill flash through him. He knew that Stephan had other friends, although so far as he knew, none for sex. But it had occurred to him that, since Stephan was a year older, in the fall he would be going to high school, leaving Matthew behind in junior high, and he was afraid that Stephan would grow away from him. He screwed up the courage to tell the doctor of his fear. The doctor was sympathetic, but reminded Matthew what he had said before about teen-age romances not necessarily lasting. He agreed that it was possible that in time Stephan would grow away from him, but he also pointed out that the reverse could be true, that Matthew might eventually grow away from Stephan. Matthew was sure that would not happen but he didn’t deny it to the doctor.
Again the doctor told Matthew what fine progress he thought he was making, although he admitted that perhaps Stephan was more responsible for that than he was. He suggested that if Matthew wished perhaps they could cut back appointments to every other week to see how it went, assuring him that if he became sad or upset he could call and come in before the two weeks were up. Matthew agreed as did his mother when she heard the plan, telling the doctor that she was very happy to be getting back, little by little, the happy child whom she had known before Black Weekend.
The following day, as Stephan was posing for his picture, Matthew told him about his fears of being weird about wanting sex all the time and what the doctor had said.
“Well, I’m glad he doesn’t think we’re weird, and I hope the urge never tapers off. I hope we’re still having as much fun when we’re ninety!”
Matthew went on to tell what the doctor had said about the possibility they could grow apart. Stephan thought long and hard before replying. “I guess he’s right,” he began. “It’s possible we could grow away from each other. We do have to remember that we don’t own each other and that part of loving is probably giving your partner freedom, sort of like letting a butterfly go. Right now, I feel totally committed to you, and, no, I’ve never had sex with anybody else, but how do we know how we’ll feel in a year, or two years, or five years? I think we shouldn’t worry about that and just continue to enjoy each other while we can. But, Matthew, another part of loving is being honest with each other, and if you find somebody else you want to be with, I really want you to be honest with me.”
“I hate to think of that happening, but I guess you’re right, that we should just enjoy what we have for as long as we have it. I do love you, you know.” Stephan smiled before putting on his “come-hither” look again.
Before he left, Stephan reminded Matthew that Stavros, would be home again from college during the Christmas vacation and suggested that they might discuss their questions with him. At first, Matthew wasn’t certain he wanted to talk about it with somebody else, but Stephan convinced him, so he said he would try.
After his friend left, Matthew sat staring at the nude picture for a long time. There was something wrong with the pose, but he couldn’t think what. He went to sleep that night thinking about it, and in the morning awoke with the answer.