“I think he had sex with me,” Joel felt like talking. He thought that was the only possible way to know. To know if it was real.
“Yeah, I know.” Grif told him.
“How the fuck can you know?”
“Because...” Grif half thought Joel might react violently. “Because I was there watching your face pressed against the glass.”
“You was there?”
“I was there.”
“Why didn’t you say anything... before?”
“Like what?”
“Like something.” Joel was pissed. Grif had been there. He saw it, but he had never mentioned it. Worse thing was, he didn’t remember himself, he needed Grif to tell him.
“You mean like, oh hi Joel, by the way, you really got off on being fucked by Kado.”
“Shit! So it did happen. That’s fucking negative feedback.”
A door banged shut with a sharp metallic sound, somewhere down the corridor someone was moving around. It distracted his attention. He wanted more information. Or did he? Maybe not, maybe it was enough just knowing?
“It’s nothing. What’s wrong with you? Fucking looked like you enjoyed yourself to me.”
“Maybe I did.”
“Yeah, maybe.” Grif had the impression that Joel was pissed at getting the confirmation from him about what happened. But would he have been more pissed if he had told him he didn’t know, he wasn’t there? No, wait a minute, Grif realised, it was because he had seen it. That’s why.
“Forget if then,” Joel made a lame effort to calm the game and somehow step back.
“Tonight there’s a session entertaining the fat man,” Grif changed the subject.
“Well you’re his fave boy Grif.”
“Uh huh. But this time he wants a double act.”
“Fuck. You’re not fucking asking me?”
Grif smiled that really cute boyish, butter wouldn’t melt, smile. He leaned on one leg, looked up at Joel.
“You are fucking asking me.”
“Jeez, can you cut out the swearing Joel. You really have got a foul mouth.”
“Yeah, like when I’m sucking your cock.”
“I’m gonna eat. Coming?”
Joel followed him down the corridor without saying anything more.
□□□□□
It was Charlie with him at the Centre. He remembered that now. He remembered being there before meeting Grif on the street. But what happened, where did they go, Charlie and his mother? Where we’re they now?
“You know something Grif.” Joel stopped eating to look at him seriously.
“What?” Grif replied between mouthfuls.
“It’s hard.”
“I seem to remember I said that to you.”
“Oh yeah, very funny,” Joel smirked.
“Yeah well, what?”
“Having a memory with holes in it. That’s what.” Joel was getting wound up. “Being here, doing this.”
“Doing what? Eating?”
Joel sprang up from the table. Grif thought he was going to hit him. Then, just before he exploded Kado walked up, put an arm on his shoulder, kind of a friendly greeting. Joel shrugged it off, but turned around to see who it was.
“Hey kiddo, easy. What’s up?” Kado was all smiles.
It eased the tension, things cooled down. You could feel the release, like the air being let out of a balloon. Joel sat back down and Kado joined them, his large imposing figure dominated the table. Someone was with him.
“This is Jack,” Kado introduced a lean figure with long straight hair that sort of half covered his face. Jack gave a barely visible nod in their direction.
“He’s another escapee,” Kado chuckled, turning to look at Jack. “Sit!” He said it almost like he was commanding a dog.
“Jeez,” Grif said. “What is this, he’s your new pet?”
Kado ignored the remark, but Joel saw the new boy’s scowl. Grif hadn’t won any points there he told himself.
“Hi,” Joel looked over at Jack.
“Jack was at the Centre. Now he’s here, and... well it’s like this. Grif, you and Joel here need to clue him in. So he’s bunking with you.” Kado stood up.
“With us?” Grif looked up at Kado.
“You got it. With you... and Joel,” he turned to leave. “He’s your responsibility. Don’t fuck up.”
Kado left the three of them sitting at the table. Grif looked from Joel to Jack. Jack just sat there.
□□□□□
“What happened to you at the Centre?” Joel thought this was his chance to discover some stuff.
Jack, despite appearing kind of timid earlier on, had taken possession of the old leather armchair with the stuffing escaping. He sat there in that all too familiar teenage pose, legs apart, staring disinterested, looking at the floor. Grif was pacing aimlessly around the basement room. Joel sitting on the bed was trying hard to ignore Grif, who was starting to irritate him.
“Why?” Jack replied, not even looking up at him.
Here we go Joel thought, what’s his problem? “Because I was there with my family, now I’m here, and I don’t remember anything that happened in between.”
“Oh!”
“So what happened to YOU?” Joel could feel his temper building. “For Christ’s sake Grif, sit down will ya! “
Grif stopped pacing around, looked at Joel. Feeling the tension, which he didn’t need to add to, he sat down. He needed Joel in a good mood for the session with the fat man, and there was fucking Jack to deal with. Take that which ever way you want; Jack was an irritating little fucker, but a little fucker who was going to get fucked. That thought amused Grif.
“Jack! What happened?” Joel insisted, it was like getting blood out of a stone.
“Nothing much,” Jack was still not looking at him.
Joel felt like getting up, walking over there, and either smacking him or shaking him. The lethargy and his wanting to get some answers were going to make him erupt at any moment.
Jack must have sensed the atmosphere, he looked up, finally. “I mean, they gave me this injection. Said I had to wait around. Then someone came back, I don’t know how long after. That was it.”
“And then what?” Joel was coming down from the brink now the kid was talking, but this wasn’t easy.
“Uh, nothing. They said I was clear and could go. They kept my uncle though. Never saw him.”
“Your uncle?” Joel wanted to know more.
“Yeah, they kept him. Told me to go home. Said he was there for observation.”
“That’s it?” That wasn’t much more information than he already knew, only it seemed the needle hadn’t made Jack lose his memory.
“That’s it,” Jack returned his gaze to the floor.
“How come you ended up here?” Grif butted in.
Hearing Grif’s voice made Jack look up again. “Kado, he brought me here.”
“So you know Kado?” Grif was interested in this new twist.
Jack’s gaze rested on Grif. “Yeah.”
There was something in the kid’s stare Grif thought, an attraction. That would make things easier. He must be gay, Grif thought.
“Can you stop calling him the fat man? I’ve said I’ll do it. Let’s make it enjoyable,” Joel told Grif.
“Everything’s enjoyable for you,” Griffin laughed. “Henry, that’s his name.”
Jack was in the armchair saying nothing, but listening.
“If you want?” Grif was toying with the idea. “Jack could take your place.”
“Me!” Jack looked at him. “Doing what?”
“Don’t play the innocent, you know what this club is. Fuck, you’re friends with Kado.”
Jack didn’t answer, just looked away, back regarding the floor.
That’s it, Grif thought. Fuck this, I’ve had enough. “Stand up!”
Startled by Grif’s commanding tone, the boy stood.
“Get naked,” Grif continued with the same strong voice. Joel sat watching from the bed.
“Fuck you!” Jack just stood there.
“Take your FUCKING clothes off,” Grif’s voice had a hint of anger in it. “I’m responsible and if it’s gonna work... we need to see.”
“See what?” There was more than just a hint of uncertainty in Jack’s voice.
“You’re gay, right?”
“NO! Who told you that?”
“Oh come on Jack. What the fuck are you doing here if you’re not fucking gay?”
Joel was thinking about himself, watching all this play out. He must, he considered, he must be gay himself. He thought he had never been attracted to boys. Not before he got here, and that was pure chance, a hazard encounter on the street.
“Kado offered me to stay here.”
“And how’d you meet him? Don’t tell me you didn’t know Kado is gay?”
“I’m not having sex...” Jack’s voice sort of did a funny little quivering, “with you.” And as if to qualify what he had said, “both of you.”
Grif could see right through the kid, he was talking one thing, but his whole body was saying something else. The attraction was right there in his eyes. That’s why he kept looking at the floor. The kid wanted sex, Grif knew it, maybe Joel saw that too.
Grif came to stand face to face in front of Jack. His hands reached down to Jack’s belt, carefully he unbuckled the clasp, pulled the leather strap out, then moved to flip open the top button of his jeans.
Jack was like a statue, frozen in time, not moving. He felt excited, he’d said he didn’t want sex, but he wanted it. His mind was drifting with the thoughts of the two of them making love with him. He only wanted it to be real, he didn’t want to be used.
Grif had his hands on Jack’s jeans. He slid them down his legs, all the way to the floor.
Joel watched, his cock rock hard.
□□□□□
“Mommy, mommy... MOMMY!” She was in the bedroom before he had screamed the third and loudest time.
“It was just a dream,” she was sitting on the edge of the bed. “A bad dream, only a dream.” She brushed her hand through his hair, calming her little boy’s fears.
The rain lashed against the bedroom window, spluttered against the glass, tiny fragments of light reflected into the room from the street lights outside. The room was almost bare, emptied of all their belongings. She hoped the nightmares might stop when they finished the move. New place, new start, but the same ever present rain.
How can it continue? She asked herself, not just thinking about the weather, but more the whole situation.
Turning her attention back to her son, “You’ll see your uncle tomorrow, and Joel,” she smiled her reassuring motherly smile, even if he couldn’t see it in the dim glow of the nightlight. “It will be nice having your big brother back.”
“Yeah, I like Joel... a lot,” he told her what she already knew. She bent down and kissed his forehead. “Will you be alright now, or do you want to come to bed with me?”
He thought about it. He never usually had more than one bad dream. “I’ll be alright mommy, it was just a bit scary.” Then as if in confirmation that everything was okay, he changed the subject. “Will I share a room with Joel?”
“Well I don’t know Charlie. We will have to wait and see. Now you go back to sleep, It’s a long trip tomorrow.”
“I don’t mind sharing a room.”
“I know you don’t darling. Now go back to sleep. I’ll leave the door open a little bit.”
She waited while he turned over on his side, then she pulled the covers up, tucked him in and went back to bed herself, glancing to look back before closing the door.
She couldn’t get to sleep, but lay there thinking about things, listening to the rain. Events played through her head. It was difficult to imagine what the future held, but at least, she thought, they did have some family in the west. The air had become too polluted here, the risk of contamination too high.
Whatever they said, it was half truths and lies. Lies, lies, and more lies. Fake news was everywhere. She was so used to it, like everyone else, she paid no attention to what was being said. It was almost impossible to discern the truth that was now so deeply buried nobody knew how they had gotten here.
There was no future for Charlie, she knew that much, but of course she had to try to protect him. She could never tell him the truth, or what she knew, that just wasn’t possible.
□□□□□
Jack was every bit as cute as Grif, Joel watched him standing there completely naked in the middle of the basement room. The kid was kind of scrawny, long arms, hands with delicately long fingers. You could easily see the outline of his hips, but he was all the same attractive.
Joel had to wonder at that thought – attractive. He had a desire to see the boy turned around, he was hard as a rock, and was entranced by the scene unfolding before him. Now he was certain he had always been attracted to the same sex, it had just maybe been buried.
Grif was on his knees in front of Jack, playing with him. Touching his balls, licking the tip of his penis. The kid had his arms out, touching Grif’s head, not knowing if he could take hold. Wanting to. Oh yes, he wanted to. He wanted to pull Grif’s head into him and push his cock into Grif’s mouth.
Grif stood up. Looked at Jack a moment. The basement was silent, except for the sound of their breathing and a faint occasional clanging in the pipes.
“You can’t tell me you’re not gay now?” Grif moved inches from Jack.
He said nothing in response, but his cock jumped, twitched. It was getting moist.
Grif could be crazy sexually, Joel knew it, had experienced it. Grif was total sex. Exciting did not go far enough to describe it.
Jack trembled.
Joel stood up off the bed and started to get undressed, trying not to take his eyes off the action.
Grif reached a hand down and took hold of Jack’s erection. He massaged the juice seeping from the tip. Moved his now moist hand along the shaft.
Jack’s legs wavered.
Grif placed his free hand behind Jack’s head. He gripped the kid’s cock a little firmer, slide his hand downwards, pulling back the foreskin. Backwards and forwards playing over the head of Jack’s cock.
He pulled Jack’s head towards him, and their lips touched. Jack opened his mouth to let Grif’s tongue probe inside.
Joel was stripped. He moved to join them. Grif watched Joel out of the corner of his eye, still maintaining his kiss, still working Jack’s cock.
Joel came behind Jack, put an arm around his waist, felt his buttocks and gave them a squeeze. Grif broke the kiss. Jack could feel Joel’s hard penis moving across his arse. Grif spoke into Jack’s ear, “I’m gonna let Joel fuck you first.”
Grif felt the little shot of pre-cum ooze out of Jack. Joel’s cock was now resting between Jack’s arse cheeks. Jack shivered involuntarily. The boy wanted it.
“There is always a cause,” Kado was saying. “The cells are crossing the membrane, microscopic particles are changing negative to positive. The result is a loss of consciousness. Periodic blackouts.”
“And how do you account for the memory loss?” Tattersall asked.
“Difficult, I’m not sure. Not sure if it’s permanent either. My suspicion is it’s temporary.”
“Caused by exposure to the virus?”
“That’s what we need to discover professor.”
“You know as well as I do Kado, this research is paid for by the government and the funds are running out. I very much doubt there will be any renewal. You have very little to show for the time and money invested. Mishimotta Pharmaceuticals will not step in to fill the gap. It will simply end. There are more important considerations.”
Kado hated these interviews, having to justify his work. Something was happening and no one was really concerned in finding out what. Fucking idiots, he thought. He never let his irritation show, that would not help things. If they closed down the Centre everything would be lost, his work would count for nothing.
He had not, of course, shared everything with Tattersall, that would not be prudent. Anybody who wanted to do more than simply survive needed to have something running that was working for them, some personal interest. He had the BB Club. Henry had financed it, but he ran it, and he ran it along with the research. The two things were interconnected.
□□□□□
Joel remembered Charlie and his mom arriving, but that’s all. No, not quite all, he also recalled getting to the Centre. Then it was blank, but there had, he thought, been no more blackouts since, but he wasn’t certain about that.
Why? Because he couldn’t remember what happened to Grif. He was here with Jack, but he didn’t know how they got here or why he was with Jack.
The last signs of civilisation had disappeared way back. The urban landscape had changed into nothingness, something they used to call countryside, but now, there was nothing. No vegetation, just changing shades of grey and black undulating into the distance. Except, that was imagined, you couldn’t actually see that far in the half light and the rain.
They passed the inevitable last billboard miles ago. The one that read – Join us for a new dawn, life has never been this good. “Never been so good... fuck, that’s one way of looking at it.”
“What are you talking about?” Jack looked at him weirdly.
Joel hadn’t realised he’d spoken his thoughts out loud. The car glided onwards almost silently, except for the strange mix of the wind rushing past and the electric motor. A faint blue glow lit the inside of the vehicle – you wouldn’t know you were moving without the rectangular panel display, and I suppose the faint noise.
That display showed nothing now, only the same message fixed across the screen, you are offline, please enter a known destination. A known destination, that was what they’d left behind, in some vain hope of finding the house. He remembered that much.
Jack was lounging across one of the seats, Joel was sitting opposite. The silence was broken by the women’s calm controlled voice – energy reserves are critical.
You see, that’s what happens when you leave the city. Unknown destinations are usually prohibited, but Marek had over ridden the system. He was an electronics programing genius. Joel remembered all that, the mad dash to get away, the instructions to find the house, and the warning.
“I don’t remember what happened to Grif. I just can’t fucking remember.” Joel held his head in his hands.
Jack watched him, concerned, because it was not the first time Joel forget things. It’s not good, he thought to himself, he’s the one supposedly in charge.
“Forget it, Grif stayed behind to take care of Henry,” Poor choice of words though.
“Fucking forget it. What do you think keeps happening. I keep forgetting stuff. I’ve got huge holes in my memory.”
Not just huge holes, but a lot of aggressiveness, Jack hated that, but like always, he made no response. Replying only made things worse.
“Am I talking to my fucking self here, or what?” Joel was almost screaming at him.
“Jeez, calm down dude!”
Jack moved into the corner of the curved bench seat, pulling his legs into his chest and wrapping both arms around his knees. It’s like Grif had said to him once, he was always afraid Joel would lash out and hit him.
The scene calmed instantly as the whirring noise of the wind and motor wound down. The woman’s voice announced – energy zero, shutting down, goodbye. Joel had just the very slightest sensation that the vehicle was descending, like when you’re in an elevator. It lasted one second, then nothing.
“What now?” Jack asked him.
□□□□□
The house stood incongruously in the middle of nothing like a landmark in the desert, a relic from some past existence. They would never have made it without the battery pack. The wooden boards of the steps bounced as they climbed towards the door. Once on the veranda they were mostly protected from the rain.
“You got the code?” Joel was standing in front a large wooden front door, a door protected by metal cladding.
“5984,” Jack called out, “2294, 9877”
“Presto!” The door clicked open. Joel pushed it.
They were in.
It was very dark, silent, a stale odour purveyed the air. The place must have been closed a long time.
“What now!”
“Is that all you can say?” Joel found the kid very irritating at times.
“Well?” Jack was used to Joel, for his part he just ignored the older guy’s endless moans. Because that’s what they were to him, he was only voicing the obvious question. Why the hell did he have to react like that?
“Wait... you hear that?”
“No, I don’t hear anything.”
There was a faint humming, growing louder. “Oh yeah, I hear it,” Jack told him, and just as he spoke the lights came on. Low, but bright enough to see the large entrance hall, wooden staircase and various doors, presumably leading to other rooms.
“Presence detector,” Joel said with some satisfaction.
“Uh huh, but what’s powering the place?” Jack wondered how long it would last. He wondered about how well things had gone, everything considered. For some unknown reason it felt wrong, like too good to be true.
Joel was climbing the staircase.
“Where you going?” Jack called after him.
“To find my bedroom.”
Jack went after him, up the stairs two at a time. He caught him at the top landing and grabbed Joel’s sleeve, pulling on his arm.
“Your bedroom? You said find my bedroom! You know this house?”
Joel laughed, twisted free of Jack’s grip and moved right down the hall, pausing at the second door he pushed it open and stepped inside. Jack was right behind him.
“Lights!” Joel commanded, and the room lit up.
Jack looked around, uncertain what was going on here. It was obviously a bedroom, bed, bedside cupboards, drapes at a bay window, wardrobe, dressing table, couch. All the furniture looked like it was from an antique shop or the props for some ancient period drama. People just didn’t have furniture like that anymore, all wood and looking like it was, well, hand made.
Then he saw it.
“Oh my God!” Jack’s jaw dropped. He was looking at an old framed photograph on the edge of the dressing table. He moved over there, picked it up, held it in front of him. “It’s you!”
As he turned around to look at Joel he saw he was lying on the bed, propped up with his hands folded behind his head.
“Yeah, I told you it’s my room. I remembered the house as soon as I saw the stairs. For once I got my memory back instead of blanking out. This was my room and Charlie stayed in the room next.”
“Who is Charlie?”
“Grif asked me the same thing when we first met.”
“Yeah, so. Who is he?”
“I don’t know, but I know he stayed here. I know the last place I saw him was at the Centre. I know he was nine years old, no wait, maybe ten. I’m not sure.”
“This is a lot to take in, and it’s kind of weird.”
Joel patted the mattress indicating the empty space next to him. Jack smiled, put the photograph down and joined him on the bed.
“You look sort of cute in the picture.”
Joel turned on his side to face Jack. “And I’m not cute now?”
Jack smiled. Joel moved his head closer. They kissed.