Chapter 3

 Monday morning when I saw Shelly, I told her how much fun I had had on our last date, and asked her if she wanted to go out again this coming Friday.

“It’s movie night at the student center. We could go there?”

“Sounds good to me. You want to go for pizza first?”

“You know I do, babe. It’s your turn to buy.”

Babe? Well at least I know we’re probably on the same page. Things are working out even better than planned. It really makes me feel good to know someone likes me that much.

I stared into her eyes a moment; then went for it. All she said was “m-m-m-m-m-m”

`  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `

Tuesday, October 14

Dear journal,

Thoughts about today: Elijah smiles a lot. I’m starting to think that smiling is part of what they tell you to do when you’re tutoring someone. I saw him heading for class this morning and he looked really serious but when we had our lesson, he was smiling the whole time. I can see the lessons are paying off. I’m getting a lot more power behind my serves, and I’m returning a lot more of his services than when I first started. He said I’m a fast learner. Elijah tried putting his arm across my shoulder on the way into the locker room. Thank you Jesus, I saw it coming, and ducked in time. When I told him I wasn’t into stuff like that, he pretended like he didn’t know what I meant. I keep getting gay vibes from him though. It’s not as bad as it was a month ago, but he still makes me nervous.

Honesty time: Okay, I’m just going to write this because even though I know it’s not right, it is honest. Sometimes I wish Shelly was Elijah, and that Elijah was a girl because of the way I feel when I’m around him. This is sick stuff, but it’s how I feel lately.

Well, she’s not, and neither is he, so there’s no point in thinking about it anymore – end of story. I can see how God brought Shelly into my life for a reason, but I’m still trying to figure out if it’s God or the devil that brought Elijah along. I guess I shouldn’t be so hung up about him touching me if he needs to show me some technique. I just don’t want to be “playing with fire,” as Pastor Ben used to call it, though.

Now for the biggie: At bible study today, Albert Hanson asked Shelly and I clear out of the blue when we were getting married. What’s really weird about it though is that I’ve actually been thinking about the same thing. That’s got to be God.

What I learned: Elijah is a really good teacher. I’m really getting to like playing the game of tennis. Maybe I should ask Shelly if she wants to learn how to play so she and I can be partners.

`  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `  `

“Hey there handsome,” Shelly said as soon as she walked out of the apartment she shared with her girlfriend, Lisa. I thought she’d like it if I greeted her with a kiss. I felt her tongue brush my lips as I was pulling away. Mental note to self: Don’t forget to use your tongue when you kiss her – she expects it.

We started walking hand in hand to Romano’s, discussing our week as we walked.

“What’s up, Carrots,” Shelly asked me out of the clear blue.

“What?”

“You’re like in la la land …your hand feels like ice, and you haven’t heard a word I said in the past five minutes.”

It was true too. For whatever reason, I kept thinking about how I had messed up on the kiss thing because I didn’t give her opportunity to really enjoy it.

“I was just thinking about you,” I told her, seeing my chance.

“What about me?”

I felt my face growing hot as I leaned over to right my wrong, and kissed her. In my mind, I saw a romantic kiss that would soon have Michelle doing that “m-m-m-m” thing. In reality, I still don’t know how they do it in the movies, because it sure can be awkward sometimes – especially if one of the participants isn’t expecting it. Shelly’s instant bout of giggling kept me from probing her mouth with my tongue for fear of her accidently biting it off.

“Is that what you were so distracted about?” she asked, pulling away from my lips. “You’re cute, Phillip. We need to work on your approach a little, but I think there’s potential in there,” she said placing her thumb on my eyelid, lifting it back, and looking directly into my eye like she was inspecting my brain.

“Yup. Pea sized.”

I wasn’t sure whether I should feel put down, or encouraged by what she told me, but she did grab my hand again as we turned and made our way toward Romano’s.

“You just need to learn to relax.”

“Huh?”

We stopped in the parking lot and she pulled me toward her.

“Like this.” She got all soft and floppy in my arms and I instinctively gripped her harder. Then, when I leaned forward, she allowed herself to bend over backward – just like in the movies. It was wonderful, except it kind of put the front of my jeans in an awkward place. Thank God nothing was going on down there at the moment.

“See?” she giggled as we stood aright.

“Si si,” I answered as I went for more. I think I’m getting closer to seeing fireworks every time.

“If I relax that much we’re gonna have a problem,” I giggled as we came up for air. Life is good.

Elijah Cohen was the first person I noticed after we walked into the pizzeria. God, why does he stand out in a crowd like he does? Thank god, he either didn’t notice me, or if he did, he didn’t feel obligated to be overly friendly toward me since we weren’t on the tennis court.

 Shelly noticed him too and smiled in his direction. I’m sure it wasn’t intentional, but she managed to pick a booth and sat so that when I sat down across from her, he was right in my line of sight. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t keep my eyes from constantly drifting over and checking him out. Stop it, I commanded myself when I noticed Shelly was watching me. It made me blush to think she might be having the same problem, only she couldn’t stop looking at me! I definitely think we have a future together.

“So relaxation’s the key,” I mused.

“Wanna try it while we’re sitting down,” she teased, patting the seat beside her.

I had never done anything like what she was suggesting in a public place, and was extremely self-conscious. Looking around the dining area, and seeing several other “relaxed” couples, I discreetly moved around the table, and slid onto the bench beside my seductress.

I closed my eyes and my ears soon picked up the now familiar “m-m-m-m” – only this time it came from my mouth. Opening my eyes to see if anyone was watching us, I immediately noticed Elijah, standing to leave with his pals. He was staring at us intently, slowly rolling his tongue across his lips – and I don’t mean like he was clearing them of leftover pizza sauce. Now I was sure it was the devil who brought Elijah’s and my paths together because of what instantly began to happen – lust is not something the Lord stirs up in a person.

Shelly must have sensed my sudden tenseness, because she pulled away and sat up, scanning the room in the direction I had been looking. Thankfully, Elijah had turned to leave with his pals so she couldn’t have known for sure what had just happened.

“Isn’t seventy-seven our number?”

I looked at her, not comprehending what she was trying to tell me.

“Our pizza.”

Finding the order stub, I looked at it and then made my way to the counter.

“You rat,” I teased as I sat the pie on the table, “It was your turn to buy.”

“Thank you. It looks delicious. I’m going to really enjoy this one.”

Casually killing time as we walked to the Student Center for the movie, I sensed Shelly’s mood was slightly subdued compared to what it had been earlier – almost like something was bothering her. Nothing major …it’s just that Shelly wasn’t talking a mile a minute like she does almost every other time we’re together.

“Now you’re the one who needs to relax,” I told her, slowing our pace, hoping for a little more practice.

She didn’t say a word. She just steered us off the path, leaned in to kiss me, and for the first time, forced her tongue into my mouth. I didn’t know if I was supposed to respond with an “m-m-m-m,” or not. If Andrew’s girlfriends had done that, he had never made a sound. I tried to relax, but I felt so… I don’t know, almost like she was almost raping me. Blood began to thump in my ears as my heart pounded in my chest.

“Whoa,” I protested when she finally let me come up for a breath of air. “What was that for?”

“I don’t know. I just had this urge to kiss you. Did you like it?”

“S… sure,” I stammered.

I noticed her eyes dance downward, then bounce just as quickly back up to look into my own.

She leaned in and attacked again, and this time I felt my body go rigid as she wrapped her arms tightly around me and began pressing her body against mine.

“Shelly,” I protested. “Stop”

“What?” she asked as she released me.

“We shouldn’t be doing this. What would people think if they saw us? You know the bible says we’re supposed to avoid even the appearance of evil.”

“This is evil?”

“If someone sees us, they might think we’re gonna end up in… You know… in bed or something.”

“True, but they probably would’ve thought that if they saw you grabbing yourself at Romano’s.”

“What?”

“When you got up to get the pizza, you looked like you were trying to hide something.”

“I was not trying to hide anything,” I argued.

“Then why’d you put your hand in your pocket while we were kissing?”

“I was just making sure I had money with me. That’s exactly why I say we need to avoid appearance of evil, because people get the wrong impression when they see you doing something like that.”

“Ah-huh-h-h. You are not a very good liar, Phillip Johnson.” She had a mischievous twinkle in her eye as she continued, “But you are cute when you try to do it. Do you know your ears turn red when you’re telling a big fat one?”

“What d’you mean,” I asked reaching up to feel my ears, as if in touching them I could somehow tell if what she said were true.

“Ever since I met you, I’ve noticed that when your words and thoughts don’t match up, your ears turn red. The bigger the whopper, the brighter red they turn.”

“You’re making that up.”

“I’ll prove it to you,” she said as she dug around in her handbag and produced a small mirror. “When I was licking your tonsils just now, what were you thinking about?”

“What d’you mean, what was I thinking about? I was thinking about how this crazy friend of mine suddenly turned into a lip fiend and attacked me without warning. What was I supposed to be thinking?”

“I don’t know,” she said saucily, her hand landing on my hip. “Maybe thoughts about doing things Christians aren’t supposed to be doing before they’re married?”

Shelly held the mirror up in front of my face.

“Now who’s telling a whopper?” I asked, seeing my ears hadn’t turned red, and kind of proud that thoughts of getting Shelly into bed had never once crossed my mind while we were kissing.

Shelly turned away, looking a bit flustered.

“So you can control it when you know someone’s watching. But I’m telling you, your ears do get red.”

“Come on,” I said, pulling her back to the pathway, and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. “I don’t want to miss the opening scene of the movie.”

Shelly and I worked our way to two empty seats in the middle of hall. I was just about to sit, when, unbelievably, I saw Elijah and his friends sitting a few rows in front of us. I watched as his face lit up when he noticed me – like I was some long lost relative he hadn’t seen for a while. He also kept turning to look at me. Oh joy.

“Just ignore him” I commanded my brain, and turned my attention toward my date. She smiled. I smiled back at her and leaned in for some more relaxation practice.

“Damn it! Stop looking at me,” I screamed at him silently, mid-kiss.

Shelly’s lips were soft and warm and moist, and tasted like pineapple. Like anything else in life, practice was proving to make a difference – it didn’t seem like second nature yet, but at least it didn’t feel so strange anymore. Shelly wasn’t real “into” the kiss this time, but I almost cracked up when I decided to push my tongue forward, and heard her immediately “m-m-m-m” into my mouth. It amazed me that even a reprobate like Andrew could teach me something so useful.

Other than make a few snide remarks about some of the scenes in the movie, Shelly was being relatively quiet compared to what I was used to. I started wondering if something I had done was bugging her. Maybe the bedroom scene in the movie got her to thinking, and she was disappointed I had let her know that doing more than kissing was not an option for us. I began hoping, or maybe it was dreading, she’d at least tell me what it was so I could deal with it.

“Phillip?” she coyly asked as we were leaving. “Wasn’t that your tennis instructor sitting in front of us?”

I kind of got this sinking feeling in my stomach knowing that no matter how hard I had tried not to let them, my eyes had continually drifted to Elijah during the movie. What was even worse was that he kept turning to look at me. It was subtle – like he was just stretching his neck – but he always managed to look directly into my eyes as he was doing it.

“Yeah, Elijah Cohen”

“Your ears are red.”

My hand instinctively shot up to touch them, and this time I could feel that they were warm.

“So-o-o?”

“Not that I’m really interested, but he is kind of cute.”

I could feel the glow on my face must have matched my ears just then. “Ah-h-h… and?”

“Did you notice what color shirt was he wearing?”

“What?” I asked, totally confused as to where this was going.

“Did you notice the shirt he was wearing?”

“You mean tonight?”

“Yeah, tonight. What color would you say it was?”

Relaxing a bit, and wondering if maybe she really did find him attractive, I answered. “Kind of an ecru colored turtleneck. Why?”

Shelly smiled and spun me around, facing away from her. God, don’t let Elijah be standing behind me. I was relieved to find he wasn’t.

“What color shirt do I have on?”

I instinctively started to turn around to look.

“Without looking”

“What is this?” I asked, as my anxiety level rose, “Candid Camera?”

“Just tell me what color it is.”

“Green,” I guessed, trying to suppress the panic I felt.

“You can turn around now.”

She was standing there in her aqua tee-shirt, with her hands on her hips.

“Wrong,” she asserted with a smile.

“I am not wrong.”

“It’s aqua.”

“Aqua-green,” I countered.

“So if we’re talking generalities, why didn’t you just say his shirt was off-white?”

“Because it’s ecru”

“…and this,” she said pulling her tee downward, is aqua.”

 “Did you notice how he kept stretching his neck during the movie, like he was checking me out?”

I didn’t answer, but began to relax a little. Lowering my voice to a whisper, I confided, “Shelly, I think he might be gay.”

“It’s starting to make sense, now.”

“What? That he’s gay?”

“He wasn’t looking at me, Carrots.”

“What d’you mean?”

“I mean, I think he was checking you out.”

“So you noticed it too.”

As uneasy as our discussion over colors had made me feel, this one was so far out of my comfort zone I felt light-headed.

“Is that why you kept looking at him?”

“I kept looking at him because he makes me nervous. Shelly, I think he likes me or something.”

“You ever thought there might be a little bit of a gay side to you?” she asked again pulling my eyelid up and looking into my eye.

“What’re you talking about,” I squawked in protest, but I knew Shelly well enough to know she t-o-t-a-l-l-y owned me at that moment!

“Tell him at your next tennis lesson that you’re already taken, okay?”

She just smiled, wove the fingers of her hand with mine, gave me a little kiss, and pulled me toward the exit.

She kissed me goodnight, and when her tongue started prodding mine, I was only too glad to return the favor. “m-m-m-m-m,” we both moaned together.