Chapter Twenty-one

 

  

 

 

Scotty nervously fidgeted as he told my mom, his mom and his dad about Michelle’s knowledge that he was gay. He was squeezing my hand so tightly I thought for sure he was going to break some bones.

 

“Well,” Uncle Phil said, “I do think we should forewarn your principal, Dick Bentley. Bash, do you think talking to Michelle would be wise? Would it be helpful? After all, as Scotty pointed out, she doesn’t appear to know about you.”

 

“Uncle Phil,” I responded, “I truly think if I asked Michelle and stressed the importance of others not knowing about Scotty and me, well, I think she would listen and understand. Michelle, Scotty and I have been friends for a long time. Also, I think the sooner I do it, the better.”

 

“Scotty, what do you think about Sebastian talking with Michelle?” Aunt Liz interjected.

 

“I’m just concerned about Bash. I mean there have been rumors about me for sometime now, but I haven’t heard of anyone suspecting Bash of being gay. I really don’t know. I’ll go along with anything Bash decides as he’s the one taking a risk.”

 

Just then a very pregnant and flushed Beth came rushing into the family room. “Oh, my God, Scotty, I am so, so sorry. I wasn’t thinking and I just blurted it out. I just was so pissed, oops, sorry Mom, I was just so angry at that old battleaxe, Mrs. Brenton, making those absurd remarks, well, I lost it.”

 

“Beth, I know you didn’t mean to do it, so don’t worry about it,” Scotty said.

 

“Do you want me to talk to Michelle? Uh, I could offer her free hair styling for the rest of her life if she keeps quiet.”

 

“Nah, Beth, Bash thinks if he talks with her, she won’t say anything.”

 

“I know you three have been friends for a long time, but won’t that appear a little strange? I mean, uh, does she suspect that Bash is your boyfriend?” Beth asked.

 

“No, she doesn’t seem to know who the ‘boyfriend’ is,” replied Scotty.

 

“Bash, do you think it’s a smart idea, approaching Michelle? I mean don’t you think she’ll find that a little suspicious? I mean the high school jock is pleading for her to keep silent, because his friend is gay. How about I talk with her?” Beth offered.

 

“Okay, okay, everybody, may I remind you all,” I said somewhat loudly, “Scotty is my lover. I’m not just some entity out here that happens to be acquainted with him,” I said with frustration. “I’m not ashamed of my relationship with him. I’m not ashamed of being gay. My only concern at this point is for his safety and our futures. I’m almost positive if I talk with Michelle, she will understand and keep it to herself. If I’m wrong, well, then…well, well then” I stammered, “we’ll have to go with plan B. Beth will just be stuck doing Michelle’s hair for the rest of her life—free,” I said in a more calming voice.

 

Uncle Phil and Aunt Liz gave me a smile. They and Beth apologized for implying that I was anything less than a supportive and loving partner.

 

The conversation continued and we all agreed that Uncle Phil and my mom would talk to our principal, Mr. Bentley. Also, I reminded them that Coach Hastinger knew of Scotty’s and my relationship and would be there for us. Scotty said he knew that Mr. Perino, the music teacher, would also be supportive if we were ‘outed.’ Furthermore, as both Scotty and I were fairly well known and respected, I could only think of a few who might try to give us a hard time. None of those were people I couldn’t handle if things got physical. I think by the end of the discussion that we were all less concerned about any real problems.

 

My mother, who had remained relatively silent throughout the discussion, told me privately how proud she was of me. Giving me a hug, she said that I reminded her more and more of my father as I got older.

 

After everyone had left the room I went up to Scotty’s father. “Uncle Phil, I just want to tell you this and I don’t mean it to upset you, but, if anyone so much as looks as though they will hurt Scotty, I’ll break every bone in their body.” Uncle Phil smiled and said, while putting his hands on my shoulder, “Not if I get to them first. Well, let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. But then again,” he said with a chuckle, “we may have to pry Beth off of them first.” That was the truth too; Beth would be like a lioness protecting her young if anyone tried to hurt her little Scotty. In many ways, Beth still viewed Scotty as her baby, much as she did when she was eleven years old. Junior, you could be sure, would also join in the fray. Nice to know so many are standing with you, I thought to myself.

 

***[ ]***

 

As soon as I got home from our little meeting, I immediately called Michelle and asked if she could meet me at Millie’s Coffee Hut in a few minutes. I said I wanted to go over some things with her about the upcoming prom. “If I you’re treating,” she jokingly stated, “sure I’ll meet you. It will give me a chance to take a break from working on this darn yearbook project.”

 

Twenty minutes later I met with Michelle in the back booth of Millie’s. “Uh, Michelle,” I said, “Uh, I’m really sorry but I somewhat got you here under false pretenses. This is kind of awkward but I really needed to talk with you about Scotty.”

 

Michelle gave me this curious look and asked, “What about Scotty?”

 

“Um, well, uh, Scotty said you know he is gay, and I was hoping you wouldn’t say anything to anyone. You know he could really be harassed at school, and well, uh, he’s pretty small and uh, I wouldn’t want to see him get hurt or have people calling him names. That, and I think this secret being revealed could have a negative effect on his career.

 

“Bash, I wasn’t planning on telling anyone and I told Scotty that. Scotty’s been my friend for a long time and I wouldn’t ever do anything or say anything that could cause him embarrassment or get him hurt in anyway,” Michelle replied.

 

I obviously appeared quite relieved. Michelle continued, “You’ve been a true friend to Scotty for umpteen years Bash, I’m really glad you’re not the stereotypical jock and that you accept that Scotty is gay and haven’t turned your back on him. You do know people have suspected he is gay, and you still remain his friend. I admire that. How long have you known he was gay?” she asked.

 

“Ever since he told me; ever since we’ve been lovers, which will be two years this coming July,” I confided.

 

“Oh, my God, all along I thought that he and Bobby Arnold might be…Well, I’ll be damned. Two years! This is…Well, it’s…Two years, huh? You would have been the last person I would have thought was gay. Your secret is safe with me. I promise, I won’t tell a soul. And, Bash, thanks for trusting me. Aah, that also explains the caption on that picture you submitted for the yearbook. Cute.” Then she added teasingly, “I guess this means no wild sex after the prom, huh?”

 

“Not with each other” I retorted with a wink. “But, if it means anything to you, I have always liked you—a lot.”

 

“The feeling is mutual, Bash,” she replied. “You’ve always been a decent guy. Of course being gay may have something to do with that.”

 

“Michelle, I would hope I’m a decent guy, well, because I am a decent guy, whether I’m gay or straight,” I said.

 

“You’re right, bad way of putting it. Sorry,” she responded.

 

I smiled and she realized I really hadn’t taken offense.

 

“Does Scotty know you’re talking to me?” she asked

 

“I told him I wanted to, but he was concerned for me. He didn’t think I should say anything about my being gay.”

 

“Why did you then, I would not have suspected you in a million years?” she asked.

 

“I don’t know why. I’m sorry, that’s not true. I knew I could trust you. I also love Scotty with all my heart, and I’m not ashamed of that or who I am. I am, however, smart enough to know it’s not safe to let the whole world in on it.”

 

We gabbed a little about the prom and then finished our hot chocolates, said our good-byes and I thanked her for being a true friend. We hugged and I agreed to the three of us having lunch the next day.

 

“Oh, Michelle, by the way, the next time you’re getting your hair done, tell Beth, that Bash said this is on the house for keeping Scotty’s secret.” I then told her what Beth had proposed.

 

Michelle chuckled, and said, “Damn, you should have told me that in the first place. Free hairstyling for the rest of my life, that’s any girl’s dream. You do know now I’ll have to razz her the next time I see her, don’t you?”

 

Michelle could be a real imp and I would love to have been there when she had her next appointment.

 

Michelle, Scotty and I had been friends since childhood. As we got older she and I dated, but I don’t think either of us was serious enough about each other to take the relationship any further than friendship, though we did have some heavy makeout moments. She wasn’t interested in having a steady boyfriend. So, we were content being good friends and casually dating. When I looked back on it, the relationship was one of mutual comfort and, perhaps, even mutual convenience.

 

***[ ]***

 

“Bobby Arnold!” Scotty said with disbelief. “Why would she think I was with Bobby?”

 

“Yeah,” I said teasingly as I pulled him on top of me after having made love. “Have you and he been seeing each other on the sly? What else have you two been doing on that piano bench besides practicing—piano that is?” I chided.

 

Twirling the few chest hairs I was sprouting in his fingers, he said, “Ya’ know, I’ve never even thought of Bobby in that way. He’s cute and all but…I just can’t believe she thought I was messing around with him.”

 

“Yeah, he is cute, and though he didn’t come right out and say it at Chris’ memorial, there was an implication he was gay. I guess she just assumed since you guys were friends, and hung out a lot together, and you do give him piano lessons, that there was more to your relationship.” I responded.

 

“With that logic, then half the kids I tutor could be suspect,” he stated.

 

“Oh, well, too bad, as I’ve got you and I ain’t sharin’,” I stated as I hugged him more tightly.

 

“Do you really think Bobby is cute?” Scotty subtly asked.

 

“Yeah, in a way, but I think it’s more his demeanor than an actual physical cuteness. I don’t think I’ve ever given it much thought. After all, I have you, the best looking guy around.”

 

Scotty gave me a firm hug. He was not prone to feeling insecure, but I guessed it would only be natural to feel that way at times. I’d thought a few times about it myself. After all, Scotty was not only cute, but also talented and had a great personality and a big heart. Self-doubt, and insecurity—normal feelings at that age—also occasionally had me question why this great guy wanted to be with me.

 

“Scotty, there is no one I want to be with other than you. I’m not saying there aren’t people who can make me turn my head, but none, not one, can hold a candle to you. No one—ever. Remember that my amorè della mia vite.”

 

Scotty raised his head smiling. He then kissed me gently, then more passionately. “I want to make love again,” he cooed.

 

Who was I to say no, as I gently moved my hand toward a very growing concern.

 

It was really a chore to get up the next morning. When Scotty said he wanted to make love, he was in no hurry for it to end. Our activities lasted into the early morning hours. I was paying for the night’s activity and feeling the effects from the lack of sleep, but I had to get ready to go to my part-time job. I still didn’t want to get up, especially with my cute boyfriend snuggled into me. He grunted and snurkled a little as I disentangled myself, got up and took my shower. He was still in a deep sleep as I prepared to leave. I gave him a goodbye kiss and went to work.

 

***[ ]***

 

At school the following Monday I asked Michelle if Scotty and I could take her out to dinner after wrestling practice. I had earlier asked her to meet us for lunch, but I had forgotten that Scotty and I were going to be tutoring some students at lunchtime. She said she would call home to see if that was okay and let me know in history class. I also wanted to talk with Bobby and let him know about Scotty being ‘outed’ by Beth. I wanted to let him in on Michelle’s suspicions and ask how he’d like us to respond if it became necessary. At the memorial service for Chris, Mr. Kreider made the accusation; Bobby never denied nor did he confirm he was gay. He said he was Chris’ best friend at that time. I knew that Michelle would be asking about Bobby and perhaps of others who might be gay. Of the latter, I didn’t know the answer; of the former I did. I didn’t like to out and out lie to Michelle, but would if Bobby didn’t want to be outed. Coyly posited responses such as, ‘You’ll have to ask him,’ or ‘We’re not at liberty to say,’ would only serve to confirm her suspicion. I would have no problem saying I didn’t know.

 

***[ ]***

 

“Hell, Bash, many kids, after Mr. Kreider’s outburst, think I am anyway,” Bobby said. “So far, I haven’t been hassled, probably because I do so well on the wrestling team, and I’m not the meek mild-mannered kid I once was. I’m used to being picked on anyway. Remember, I was the fat boy, so I’ve had years of practice ignoring malicious remarks. Although, I must say, as insensitive as students can be, they do know that Chris and I were very good friends so they tend to not say much, at least around me. All the guys on the wrestling squad, except Brad Toller, have been really nice to me, and of course, Coach Hastinger knows. You say you trust Michelle not to say anything,” he stopped to think for a moment, then said, “yeah, I guess it would be okay if she asks.” As a second thought, I then asked him to join us for dinner, if he could, after wrestling practice. That way if Michelle asked, he could tell her himself.

 

***[ ]***

 

“Hey, guys,” Michelle said as she seated herself in the booth, “how’s everything?”

 

“Good, and you?” I asked.

 

“Well, other than some frustration with the yearbook committee, I’m fine. We’re up against a deadline and some of the artwork we need to incorporate hasn’t been submitted. It makes the final layout difficult to finish.”

 

“You’ll just have to bring out the whip,” Scotty replied.

 

“I wish. Too bad the school frowns on corporal punishment,” Michelle said.

 

“Oh, I hope you don’t mind, Michelle, but we invited Bobby Arnold to join us. He should be here shortly. Bobby knows about Scotty and me because Chris came to us at one point… Well, it’s a long story,” I explained.

 

Just then Bobby came in, spied us, and made his way to our booth. “Heya’ guys and gal, how’s everything?” Bobby asked.

 

Seating himself beside Michelle, he listened to our ‘okays’ and ‘fines.’ “God, I’m starving. Did you guys order yet?” he asked.

 

“No, we were waiting for you,” Scotty replied.

 

After ordering, we all sat and chatted a bit and then got down to giving Michelle some history about our relationships. Bobby confided in Michelle about his relationship with Chris. Michelle had tears when Bobby described the hell Chris went through which resulted in his ultimate demise. Michelle expressed her condolences and sorrow to Bobby. She then asked him if he had any photos of Chris as she would like to dedicate a full page as an ‘in memory of’ for Chris in the yearbook. Bobby said he’d bring some for her to look over. She did ask that he try to do it within the next day or so as their deadline was fast approaching. He promised he’d get them to her the next day. We all left the restaurant that night feeling secure. Michelle was a true friend.

 

***[ ]***

 

My mom had a rare night off in the middle of the week and I reported to her our conversation with Michelle. Smiling, she said she felt that Michelle would do exactly what she said, and remain quiet. She added that she had always felt that if I were to get involved with a girl, Michelle would be the type I would choose. She was spunky and spoke her mind. My mom had that, ‘oh well,’ look in her eyes. Curious, I asked if she was disappointed that I was gay. She paused before she answered. “Sebastian, the answer is ‘no’, I have never been disappointed in you—ever. If you are asking me if this is what I would have chosen, no, but only because it will make life just a little rougher, ah, maybe challenging is a better word, for you. I think most parents envision their children growing up, getting married, and producing grandchildren. I’ll admit when I first found out you were gay, I wondered if I had done something wrong. I thought maybe I should have had you spend more time with your Uncles Dom and Peter, that perhaps a lack of male influences or role models was why you were gay. Then I realized that was silly, as Uncle Phil and Junior have been here all this time. Can’t get much more male influence than those two,” she said with a smile.

 

“I’m sorry Mom, I never thought about what you might be going through. I guess I’m pretty self-centered, huh?” I said.

 

“No, Sebastian…” She paused as if wondering how to best explain. “You’re a teenager, and by definition your world is pretty narrow in scope for the most part. You are not, nor have you ever been, an inconsiderate son. Our relationship has always been one of unconditional love. Why would your being gay, in your mind, cause you to think that I’d feel any differently about you?” She hurriedly added, “And I never stopped loving you, ever. Your being gay may have surprised me, but not loving you never entered my mind. Sebastian, honey, you are my pride and joy, and you are growing into a man much like your father. And your father was a wonderful man. What’s there to be disappointed about—nothing, that’s what.” She then added, smiling, “Besides, Scotty is one hell of a catch and I don’t think I could have a better son-in-law.”

 

Though my mom was privy to almost all things in my life, my relationship with Scotty included, I had never really asked her how she felt about my being gay. I don’t know if it was because subconsciously I had a fear that she might be disappointed or I just assumed she was okay with it. In either case, it was nice to have her feelings verified.

 

Lying in bed that night I reflected on how content I was—content that I had Scotty as a partner; content that I had friends like Michelle and Bobby; content that I had a loving mother and extended family. I often mused and wished that Chris Kreider could have been so fortunate. I also was hoping that Bobby would find someone to share his life with as he too was a really wonderful guy. Hugging the pillow that Scotty rested his head on, I took in his distinct aroma. I smiled and with wonderful thoughts of him, I fell into a peaceful sleep.

 

A big thank you to Sharon for editing.--SK