Phil's Story – Stars and Dreams

 

by Ryan Keith

 

 

            A breeze bearing the early summer heat gently lifted the smell of freshly cut grass across a small suburban street. The afternoon sun gave a sense of never-ending day to the children who populated the streets and parks in the large town of Whitby. Outside a modest home stood a boy in soccer gear, impatiently tapping a foot on the stone tiles as he stared at the open stained-glass door.

 

            "Phil," the youth called out, his arms crossed, "hurry! I don't want to be late!"

 

            "Make sure you thank Alice for inviting you," Phil's mom reminded him as she held the door open. "And make sure you brush your teeth before bed."

 

        Young Philip smiled at his mother before pulling her into a quick hug.

            "I will, Mom." The youth smiled, his crooked glasses hanging on his nose as he swung his bag over his shoulders.

 

            Phil bounded down the foyer stairs by twos, landing in his front yard where his father was talking with Mr. Squires.

 

            "Here's the little squirt now," Phil's father said, nodding proudly.

 

            Phil was too excited to notice his father; he went directly to his best friend, Zeke.

 

            "Took you long enough, Philly," Zeke taunted while still tapping his foot.

 

            "Sorry, Zekey." Phil's smile stretched from ear to ear as he continued to shuffle his feet into his shoes.

 

            Both boys smiled as they used those pet names, and then laughed like it had been years since they had last seen each other.

 

            The two fathers watched their sons carry on as if neither parent was there.

 

            "Looks like we'll be hitting the road, Mark. Give my regards to Nita," Zeke's father said.

 

            Zeke and Phil ran to the minivan. Phil's glasses bobbed in front of his face as the weight of his bag rocked him in a rhythmic motion.

 

            "Think you'll win today?"

 

            "You bet!" Zeke ruffled Phil's hair. "Thanks for coming. It means a lot."

 

            "You know I'd never miss something important like this," Phil replied.

 

            Mr. Squires tried to join in the conversation as he drove the boys to Zeke's tournament game. The two boys answered him politely, but he took the hint and decided not to invade their discussion of topics that were basically meaningless to him.

 

 

***

 

            Phil and Zeke became friends when their parents first met. Both were toddlers then, and had been born in the same month. It seemed like the two were joined at the hip even when they were only a year old. That fateful meeting in a baby playpen had started a beautiful friendship those thirteen years earlier. After playing together for hours, both toddlers had exploded into frenzied crying when one’s parents decided to leave.

            After that, the two grew up as if they were twins, although looking nothing alike. Zeke had sandy blond hair and emerald green eyes, while Phil had dark brown hair and brown eyes. When they started grade seven, Zeke was in the middle of his growth spurt, giving him a four-inch height advantage over Phil.

 

            The boys shared a passion for academics. While Phil was the more modest of the two when it came to his knowledge, Zeke took every opportunity to show the world how much he knew. People who knew Zeke well would call him manipulative. Phil, on the other hand, was known as a child with a golden heart. People wondered how two obviously different kids ever became best friends. Their friendship was untouchable; a bond forged on each child’s dependence upon the other.

 

 

***

 

            The two friends stared at each other in comfortable silence. The plan included their spending yet another weekend together. Zeke had an important soccer game that night, where the three guys would meet up with Zeke's mom and sister.

 

            "Good luck!" Phil said to Zeke, a few moments before the taller boy ran to meet up with his teammates.

 

            "Watch me, Philly." Zeke grinned, his eyes shining. "My first goal is going to be for you."

 

            A large hand clasped Phil's shoulder, causing the boy to look around. Zeke's father stood behind him, showing a lopsided grin. "What about me, son?"

 

            "I'll have the second goal for you, Dad," Zeke answered as he took off towards where his coach and teammates were warming up.

 

            "Let's go, Phil," Mr. Squires said. "You want a pop or something?"

 

            The two headed for the bleachers where the rest of the crowd was congregating.

 

***

            The pain in Zeke's chest was starting to bother him. In the past month he had developed a tight feeling in his chest, but today was much more painful than it had ever been. By mid-game he was taking short breaths, to ease the sharp pain in his throat. He knew he was growing. His father had noticed he was growing taller and warned him he would be experiencing growth all over his body. He had told him not to be surprised if he noticed his joints becoming a bit sore after his soccer games. His father explained that it was part of the process of growing.

 

            Zeke was convinced that the chest and throat pains were normal. He didn't tell anyone, least of all Phil. Phil was watching him. Always watching him. He loved Phil, more than just as a friend, but he couldn't tell him about the pains. He couldn't show his best friend that he was being brought down by a few growth spurts. Pushing himself, Zeke held his breath and took off for another dash.

 

 

***       

 

            "You looked great out there, hon," Zeke's mom congratulated her son. "You looked a bit tired near the end, but you pulled through. Are you drinking enough water?"

 

            "Yes, ma'am." Zeke grinned at Phil as he rolled his eyes. "Dad made me drink lots of water."

 

            "Well, have another bottle just in case," the worried mother nagged as she made the turn towards their house.

 

            Zeke's dad was driving the other car with Zeke's sister, Meg. Phil and Zeke could barely contain their excitement. The night was going to be full of scary movies, video games and junk food. There were never many sweets at Zeke's house, so Phil had packed his bag with as much chocolate, candy and chips as he could.

 

            The moment the boys entered the house, they bolted to Zeke's room.

 

            "Where is it? Come on, tell me this time," Phil said as he sifted through some of Zeke’s stuff, plainly annoyed.

 

            Another friend had reminded Phil about a game he’d borrowed weeks before. Phil was sure he had in turn lent it to Zeke, but Zeke had been denying it for a week.

 

            "Check the bottom drawer over there," Zeke said, motioning as he shucked off his soccer socks and shirt.

 

            Phil noticed, but tried not to be interested. Truth be told, he wished he could stare all day long at Zeke, but that was his secret. He quickly made his way to the drawer.

 

            "I asked you like a million times last week," Phil complained as he pulled open the drawer. "Why didn't you… OH MY GOD!"

 

            Phil grabbed a big envelope that had pamphlets sticking out. "OH MY GOD!" he shouted again.

 

            The boy again read the fronts of the pamphlets but couldn't believe his eyes.

 

            "Surprise! We're going!" Zeke announced.

 

            Phil looked up, noticing his friend had finished changing. He returned his gaze to the many papers that began falling out of the envelope. He noticed one that read "Welcome to Space Camp!"

 

            "But how…"

 

            "Hookups," Zeke said proudly, falling onto his bed. "I must have been looking pretty bad a few weeks ago, so coach pulled me out. I told him how there was a waiting list and we didn't make the deadline and that was hanging on my mind."

 

            Phil stared at Zeke with amazement, and Zeke paused to feel more excitement from his glowing-eyed friend.

 

            "And?"

            "And, I'm hungry! Let's go get some pizza." Zeke winked as he got up.

 

            "Zekey!" Phil whined through clenched teeth as he stood up.

 

            "All right, all right!" Zeke laughed. He loved surprising Phil. There was something about his sudden enthusiasm that always made Zeke feel funny inside. He loved Phil's smile and knew it would be the end of him if he ever saw it fade.

 

            "And, his brother is actually a scientist who owns a part of the camp or something," Zeke said, seeming uninterested. "And he said he could probably call in a favor to let two more kids in."

 

            Zeke peeked at his best friend and noticed the boy’s gaze was fixed on the envelope in his hands.

 

            "You know you can thank me…anytime now." Zeke tapped a foot and crossed his arms.

 

            "No way!" Phil said teasingly. "You kept me in the dark about all this. I can't believe you. The date says it was sent two weeks ago! You didn't tell me for two weeks?"

 

            "I had to plan it all out, you know. Oh, and that game is under my bed," Zeke said, walking out of his room.

 

            "You planned this!" Phil shouted after his friend.

 

            "What's that?" Zeke covered his ears. "I can't hear you. I'm too hungry to function right now. Leave a message after the beep. Beep!"

 

            Phil ran after his friend. A surprise game, some people might call it. The game really didn't have a name. It was just two best friends often doing things to surprise each other. It was something they shared. To everyone on the outside, it might seem silly, but to them it was more important than anything, even Space Camp.

 

 

*******

 

            Space camp was better than Zeke and Phil had dreamed it could be. To them, nothing could have been better than staying up all night with their best friend, looking at stars, and meeting new kids from all over Canada. The days were packed with swimming, sport activities, space movies, group competitions, and more. The food was amazing, the weather was spectacular, and the stars were infinite.  They saw things they had never seen back at home, where the sky was polluted by so much urban light. Both Zeke and Phil wouldn't have minded living up at Algonquin Provincial Park. They got to meet university students who were working on important projects, using the large radio observatory. They even got to help out with the research. That was a special night for both of them. They made a pact that someday they would be university students, doing those projects. Phil wanted to be an astronaut and Zeke wanted to be a pilot. It was almost too sad for them to say goodbye to the camp.

 

 

*******

 

            As grade eight started for the two teens, Zeke knew that his body was still growing, but for some reason he felt much more tired than before. He knew he had the energy in him, but it was like his body refused to let it out.

 

            It was October when the green leaves began to wither. The two who shared a special bond strolled the familiar path towards their homes.

 

            “And Dad said you can probably sleep over, too! He’s going to talk to your dad tonight. We can watch horror movies all night, eating chocolate and candy!” Phil said, excitedly.

 

            Zeke smiled at his friend’s enthusiasm. Phil loved chocolate, especially dark chocolate. It was another thing that made the two different from each other. While Phil was a complete chocolate eater, Zeke preferred chips and hard candy. Halloween had always been a great night for them when they were younger. They swapped what they didn’t want with each other. They always ended up with about the same amount each, but with completely different mixes.

 

            “Is there something wrong?” Phil asked, after Zeke had been silent for a while.

 

            “Nah, just wondering how you can eat all that chocolate and not get a single cavity.” Zeke smiled, just before a cough caught him off guard.

 

            “It’s because I brush,” Phil said, laughing.

 

            “I brush!” Zeke argued back.

 

            “Then how come I don’t have any cavities and you have a lot?”

 

            The cough seemed to stay with Zeke as he tried to respond to Phil’s comment. “It’s because…” *cough*cough* “…our dentist likes checking out my perfect teeth.” *cough*cough* “She thinks I’m more charming than you…” *cough*cough* “And that’s why…” *cough*

 

            “Are you okay?” 

 

            *cough*cough* “I’m peachy. Just choked on my spit. Race you to the mailbox!” Zeke took off before Phil could even get ready.

 

            Phil chased after Zeke, determined to give it his all.

 

            Phil always won against Zeke at anything active. He wasn’t much of an athlete, like Zeke was, but Zeke tried little enough that Phil could beat him. Phil knew that, yet it felt really special coming from Zeke.

 

            Phil passed Zeke, as usual. It was always the same: a race to the mailbox. It was the same, but Phil never got tired of it.

 

“Almost, Zeke.” Phil breathed hard as he was the first to reach Zeke’s front yard. “Maybe next- ZEKE!”

 

Phil ran back towards his friend. On the ground, Zeke lay clutching his chest, his breathing eke looking a bit under the weather today. He hoped that maybe he could use it to his advanterratic.

 

 

*****

 

“Okay, if you had to lose only one of the five senses, what would it be?” Phil asked Zeke.

 

They were up late, as usual, talking about a whole bunch of nothing.

 

“Easy,” Zeke said. “The ability to taste. Which means…” Phil could have sworn there was a sparkle in Zeke’s eyes. “I wouldn't taste my mom's crappy Brussels sprouts.”

The two laughed at Zeke’s silliness. The two boys didn’t outright say it, but hearing each other’s laughter was one of the most uplifting feelings they experienced.

“I guess so…” Phil said after their laughter died down.

 

“Seriously, think about it,” Zeke said. “Not being able to feel is a given. Not being able see would suck. And if you couldn’t hear anything…how would you watch TV without hearing?”

 

Phil started laughing at his friend. “I guess you're right.”

 

“I'm always right.”

 

Zeke stretched his body out on the bed, resting his head on Phil’s legs.

Releasing a sigh, Zeke closed his eyes.  “My worst fear would be losing my voice… I wouldn't be able to talk with you.”

Phil didn’t know why, but sadness struck him. “Let's not talk about this anymore…”

 

Sensing the dampened mood, Zeke tried to lift Phil’s spirits. “I guess the only good thing about that would be not getting called on in class.”

 

Phil decided to go along with it. “I think Mrs. Huxington likes you.”

 

Sitting up and turning to Phil, Zeke was glowing a shade of red. “Shut up! She calls on you, too!”

 

“Uh huh, not as much as she does you.” Phil smiled.

 

Putting his head back down on Phil’s legs, Zeke said, “Jeez, just because we know the answers doesn’t mean we should be picked on all the time. She's bullying us.”

      

      “Bullying you, you mean,” Phil corrected. He felt a pillow smack him in the face.

 

            Phil woke up. He was uncomfortable, but he didn’t expect to feel refreshed after trying to sleep on a hospital sofa. Looking up from the lap he was sleeping on, he saw his mother’s face. She too was sleeping. Looking up at a wall clock told him it was five o’clock in the morning.   

 

            “Honey? How are you feeling?” his mother asked.

 

            Turning to her, Phil realized his shifting had awakened her.

 

            “I’m okay. Is Zeke still..."

 

            “He’s resting now, baby,” his mother said, stroking his hair. “Staying here all night was all right, but you’re coming home tonight, okay?”

 

            “I’m staying here as long as Zeke does,” Phil said stubbornly.

 

            “Philip,” his mother said in a stern voice. Phil always cringed when his parents called him by his full name. “Zeke will be sad if he sees you tired. You need to be happy and energetic when you see him.”

 

            “What’s wrong with him?”

 

            Phil heard his mother exhale. “There’s something unhealthy on his throat. It’s giving him trouble…”

 

            “What sort of trouble?” Phil whispered.

 

            “…a growth…”

 

            “A tumor…”

 

            “What?”

 

            “That’s what it is, isn’t it? A tumor?”

 

            “How do you…“

 

            Phil looked at his mom. “Did you forget who your son is?”

 

            His mother smiled a sad smile. “I guess you’re really not a kid, anymore. But your school is a bit bold having you kids learn stuff like that.”

 

            “Zeke and I are doing a project in science. The teacher won’t let us do space, anymore. It’s treatable, right? They can remove it?”

 

            “That’s what the doctors are trying to find out, but it’s most likely treatable,” Phil’s mother told him.

 

            “When can I see him?”

 

            “As soon as they say you can, honey.”

 

            It would be days until Phil could see Zeke. He went home that day without saying goodbye to him. Phil knew that things would somehow be all right. He knew Zeke was a fighter who wouldn’t give up. He was the strong one of the two of them.

 

            The day Zeke was allowed to have visitors, Phil made sure he was the first one there.

 

            “Zekey!” Phil ran into the room.

 

            “Philly!” Zeke called back.

 

            Phil nearly jumped onto the bed of his friend. “How are you feeling?”

 

            “Can’t wait to get out of here.”

 

            “You have so much work to catch up on!”

 

            “How? I’ve only been sick for like three days,” Zeke challenged. “But, they say I probably won’t be back to school until next Monday”

 

            “Don’t worry, I’ll help you.”

 

            “Thanks, Philly.”

 

            “No problem, Zekey.”

 

            “What should our costumes be this year?” Zeke asked, grinning.

 

            “How about Alien and Predator?” Phil asked, his eyes glowing.

 

            “Idiot!” Zeke laughed. “Where are we going to get costumes like that? Something simpler!”

 

            “We can do the hobbit again,” Phil said as he sat down beside Zeke’s bed. “Or maybe characters from Lord of the Rings!”

 

            “No one would be able to tell. Not unless they’re as nerdy as we are,” Zeke joked.

 

            “Maybe they will make those books into a movie one day,” Phil said dreamily.

 

            “Yeah, right. It would be like seven hours long!” Zeke rolled his eyes. “’Frodo walked through the green forest…and he walked…and he walked…’” Zeke said in a narrator-like deep voice. “I mean, an hour into the movie and he’ll still be walking.”

 

            “Yeah, you’re right. But if they do it, we’re going to dress up at the movies.”

 

            “Deal!”

 

            “But for now, what should we do about Halloween?” Phil asked.

 

            “I dunno…”

 

            Zeke stared at Phil and Phil stared back. Sharing smiles, no words had to be exchanged between them. Phil knew his best friend was sick, but he also knew he didn’t have to convince him to fight. Zeke was a fighter.

 

 

***

 

            A month passed, with Zeke making weekly trips back to the hospital. Things were normal for the most part. There were subtle changes in the boys’ lives. Zeke’s mother picked Phil and Zeke up from school every day.

 

            Phil found it odd that his parents kept telling him to watch Zeke and to be strong for him. Zeke didn’t need for him to be strong, he thought to himself. He just needs me to be me.

Zeke was excused from gym and told to sit out. Phil thought that they were just being careful with Zeke.

            “I could play, though!” Zeke would argue.

 

            Phil agreed with Zeke, but the adults made the calls. They didn’t stop Zeke, Phil and their friends from playing outside at recess.

 

As the days wore on, it seemed to Phil that Zeke’s voice was getting lower. There was a point where Phil knew Zeke was straining his throat whenever he yelled, because he saw it on Zeke’s face.

      

      “It’s the cold weather!” Zeke insisted. “The air is thinner; you know that!”

 

      “Don’t push yourself so hard,” Phil responded. He wanted to be convinced that the weather was the reason Zeke was coughing more, but at times the coughs were severe.

 

            “You sound like Mom.” Zeke would always grin at him when he became protective.

 

            “Maybe we should go inside,” Phil suggested during one recess when Zeke had been coughing a lot.

            It was fairly cold, and Zeke wanted to go inside, but he didn’t want Phil to think he needed to because of his sickness. “I’m fine!” he insisted.

 

            “Are you really sick?” Jerry taunted Zeke from behind. “I think you’re just trying to get out of gym.”

 

            Phil and Zeke turned around and saw Jerry Maxwell, a kid they didn’t get along with. That was at least partly because Jerry and Zeke played on different teams in soccer and often got really competitive. It wasn’t lost on them that the team Zeke was on always beat Jerry’s. For years, Jerry had tried to talk down to Zeke, but Zeke never lost himself to Jerry’s taunts.

 

            “Why would I do that? It’s my favorite subject. Don’t worry, I’ll be back soon and I’ll wipe the floor with you. Not like I can’t do it now, but I told your parents I wouldn’t make you look bad anymore.”

 

            “I bet you even forgot how to kick a ball,” Jerry taunted, cocking his head at Zeke.

 

            “Maybe. We’ll see, come spring, right?” Zeke offered. “But if you want a preview, why don’t you step over here so I can show you my ball kicking skills.”

 

            Several classmates of Zeke and Phil stood around them and laughed at Jerry’s expense.

 

            “Whatever. Don’t you have sucking to do? We all know how skilled you are with that puffer of yours. Wonder where you got all your practice from?” Jerry sneered, turning to Phil.

 

            That caused a commotion among the students. Phil’s face flushed in embarrassment as people pointed at him and laughed. The result was more students pointing and laughing at Phil.

 

            Zeke looked at his friend and felt his heart drop. He couldn’t stand anyone talking bad about Phil.

 

            “Maybe you shouldn’t hang out with Poindexter so much. Maybe your sickness is just an allergic reaction to his gayness,” Jerry continued, causing the crowd to continue laughing.

 

            Zeke felt his blood boil. Not only at Jerry but everyone he considered classmates. They were nice to Phil and Zeke when it suited them, but in situations like this, they offered no support.

 

            Zeke stepped forward. “You…”

 

            “You bastard!” Phil shouted out.

 

            Zeke saw Phil leap at Jerry with both his arms out. With all his effort, Phil swung his fists at Jerry, once or twice landing blows to the boy's chest and face. The larger boy stumbled back, surprised at Phil’s sudden attack and at the fact Phil had actually hit him.

 

            Phil glared at his classmates who stood gaping at the usually quiet boy.

 

            “How dare you! All of you! You’re supposed to be our classmates. Zeke even considers some of you friends! He goes out of his way to help you with your work! You all know he’s sick… And this is the thanks he gets?” Tears welled up around Phil’s eyes. “That’s so heartless…”

 

            “Phil…”

 

            Jerry flew in suddenly, knocking Phil down with his palm.

 

            “You even fight like a gay guy!” Jerry hissed.

 

            “You fucker!” Zeke roared as he lunged at Jerry.

 

            Phil stood up and tried to stop them. “Stop! Someone stop them!”

 

            By then, everyone had forgotten Phil’s outburst and were focusing on the fight before their eyes. Within a minute, Zeke was on the ground, clutching his chest, his wheezing and coughing indicating his failure to breathe.

 

            Everything happened so fast. A teacher arrived and massaged Zeke’s chest as air slowly filled his lungs. An ambulance came and took Zeke away.

 

            Phil barely remembered the ride to the hospital. Is Zeke dying? He seemed fine this week…  Phil remained quiet during the entire trip. His mind was still in shock after watching his best friend suddenly collapse.

 

        Phil sat quietly in a waiting room with Meg, Zeke’s sister, while Zeke’s parents talked with a doctor.

 

       “It looks like his condition has stabilized. He’s just really exhausted at the moment. For now, he needs rest,” Zeke’s father soon told the two waiting teens.

 

            Phil looked to the floor, feeling like he was at fault. If only I hadn’t attacked Jerry, Zeke wouldn’t be in this condition.

 

            He turned to Zeke’s mother with every intent to apologize, but her expression made him speechless. When he finally made eye contact with her, she fell to her knees and bawled.

 

            “Philip, you need to talk to Zeke!” she cried. “He won’t listen to us! You need to tell him he has to do the operation!”

 

            “Alice, that’s enough,” Zeke’s father said, kneeling down and trying to help his wife up.

 

            “He will listen to you, Philip. Why won’t he do it? Why would he…“ She couldn’t finish. She fell into her husband’s arms and let out huge sobs.

 

            “Operation?” The word came slowly out of Phil’s mouth.

 

            Phil walked in solitude towards Zeke’s room. A high-pitched noise seemed to follow him as he walked through the white corridors and everything seemed to fade into darkness as his will directed his path.

 

            “Hey, Philly!” Zeke turned to the door as he saw his friend enter.

 

            Phil remained silent. Zeke had just waked up, but Phil couldn’t get past what Zeke’s parents had told him.

 

            Is that why my parents told me to be strong for Zeke? Malignant tumor called sarcoma, a rare condition in his throat?

 

            Zeke’s health was slowly deteriorating, and without an operation he would eventually die. The malignancy was already in its mid stages. Phil’s parents knew, yet they hadn’t told him. Phil didn’t actually know how many people had kept him in the dark about Zeke’s serious illness. He didn’t get angry easily; he got hurt. This time, he was both hurt and angry.

 

Phil wanted to answer Zeke’s call with his own signature greeting, but his lips wouldn’t stop quivering. It was difficult for him to look at Zeke. “They’re lying, right? Your tumor isn’t malignant… right?”

 

Phil’s heart tightened with unbearable pain as Zeke’s gaze fell to the floor.

 

“Phil…”

 

“Why! Why didn’t you tell me?” Phil whispered. “Why won’t you do it?”

 

Zeke’s eyes widened in horror at the realization that Phil had found out how bad things really were.

 

“It’s a small tumor, right? They’ve been treating it, right? Why do you need an operation? Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

Knowing that Phil knew, Zeke felt even more dismal. “They might have to take out my vocal cords… I’d lose my voice.”

 

Phil was quiet. When Zeke’s parents had told him, he had been shocked, and still was, but he considered the possible loss of speech much better than the alternative.

 

“You can die if you leave it at this…”

 

“I know, Philip. But I already made my decision. I won’t do it.”

 

“Do you want to die? How can you do this to me!” Phil said angrily.

 

“I can live my own life, all right? I make my own decisions! Me!” Zeke snapped.

 

Phil’s anger momentarily won out over his hurt. “Stop being selfish! Did you think about what’ll happen if you die? What will your parents do… What will I do?”

 

“I’ll die anyways if the operation fails. This is a one-time shot, Phil. I don’t want to take the chance…”

 

Phil couldn’t speak.

 

“I heard them tell my dad, I could live my whole life without the operation… I might just need to make more visits to the hospital.”

 

“But you wouldn't be able to do the things you like. What about soccer? School? It doesn’t make sense, Zeke… Why won’t you do it?”

 

At that point, Zeke wasn’t able to speak.

 

“Zeke…please tell me. I'm your best friend.” Compassion was slowly returning to Phil as he realized the pain his friend must be in.

 

“If you’re my best friend, then at least respect my decision,” Zeke said bitterly. “You don’t know what I’m going through.”

 

Those words struck Phil hard, and his mouth froze as they sank in. “You're being stupid,” Phil finally whispered.

 

“No I'm not! You are!” Zeke retorted angrily.

 

That was all Phil could take without crying. “I'm going home…”

 

“Oh, good. Run home to your mommy,” Zeke lashed out, the fury building in his throat. “It's not like it's your problem!”

 

Tears spontaneously burst out of Phil’s eyes as Zeke’s words struck him.

 

“I hate you, Zeke!” Turning away and not looking back, Phil left the room.

      

      It took a moment for Zeke to realize he had chased away the one person he’d always promised not to hurt.

 

 

***

 

            Phil’s spending an afternoon locked in his room was definitely a red flag to his mother. Bearing a plate of oatmeal cookies and a glass of chocolate milk, Nita knocked on her son’s bedroom door.

 

            “Phil,” she called in a sweet voice, “may I come in, dear?”

 

            “No.”

 

            “Really? I was hoping to share some of these cookies with you. And I really don’t know what to do with this chocolate milk if you don’t want it.”

 

            “I’m not hungry…”

 

            “Can I have some company, then? I can’t eat alone,” Nita pleaded.

 

            After a few moments of silence, Phil opened his door.

 

            His mother nearly dropped the plate of cookies. Her baby had been crying, and by the look of his sodden face, maybe for hours. She walked into her son’s room and placed the plate of cookies and the glass of chocolate milk on his desk, before sitting in his chair.

 

            Phil returned to his spot on the bed, where he had been going through some photographs. Nita recognized them to be photos of Zeke and Phil from the previous summer.

 

            “Did you have an argument with Zeke?” Nita carefully asked.

 

            “He’s being stupid,” Phil said, frowning.

 

            “That’s not very nice, son. He’s your best friend.”

 

            “Why does Zeke want to die?” His own question triggered the waterworks from Phil’s eyes.

 

            It was a question that Nita had expected Phil to ask at some point. She didn’t have an answer for him, but she sat beside him and allowed him to find comfort in her arms.

 

            After a torrent of tears, and more questions, Phil appeared to quieten down.

 

            “Honey, there’s a reason why Zeke doesn’t want to do this. I don’t know it, and his parents don’t know it. Of all people, you should know. There is no one closer to Zeke than you. You can understand him more than his own parents. Perhaps if you discover the reason, you can help him through his insecurities. He’s depending on you, maybe without realizing it.”

 

            “No, he’s not… He said if I was his best friend I would respect his decision. He used to tell me everything. But he lied to me! He said everything was all right!” Phil sobbed, and then continued, “He didn’t trust me!”

 

            “It’s not that, Phil. He’s afraid. There’s more to it than he’s letting on. Don’t give up on him, sweetie. He needs you.”

           

Phil turned to his window, tears tracing his face. “I’m sorry, but could I please be alone for a bit?”

 

            The request was simple, respectful, and understandable, but Nita felt like she couldn’t do enough as Phil’s mother at that moment. She felt inadequate, but she had done all she could without hurting her son even more.

 

            Leaning over to kiss the top of Phil’s head, Nita whispered, “Believe in him. Keep him in your heart, because I’m sure you’re in his.”

 

            Alone in his room, Phil stared at the setting sun that seemed to set the sky aflame.

 

 

*****

 

            “Are you ready?” Nita asked her son as he walked down the stairs.

 

            “Are you going out?” Phil asked, as he noticed his mother was wearing a coat.

 

            “I’m taking you to school,” she told him.

 

            “Oh.”

 

            Zeke had been released from the hospital the previous night, and Phil was worrying how to talk to him. He didn’t know what to talk about, anymore, when he was with Zeke. There never had been such tension between them.

 

            Phil was quiet as he stared out the car window.

 

            “Phil,” his mother whispered.

 

            “Hmm?”

 

            “Zeke won’t be going to school. The doctors thought it might be best for him to be home schooled for a bit.”

 

            Phil continued to stare out the window. “I see…”

 

            Nita had not expected that near lack of response from Phil. She was ready for any questions the young boy had, but they never came. Wondering if it was the right decision, she did her best to respect the choice Zeke’s parents had made.

 

 

***

 

            School seemed empty to Phil. Every day seemed to drag on longer than the last. Nothing interested him anymore. Math, history, and even science all invoked the same response from Phil. He did the work, but it wasn’t fun. There was something missing. Every day, Phil turned to Zeke’s empty seat, hoping maybe he would show up. Zeke, with his hands in his pockets as he grinned at the world as if he knew something they didn’t.

 

           At home, Phil read books while sitting by the phone and hoping it would ring. As the days wore on, Phil felt himself pull even farther away from the people around him. He couldn’t stay in a room with his parents for more than a few minutes. He always felt a pressure building, as if they wanted to say something but couldn’t. His room no longer gave him comfort, but there was nowhere else he could go.

 

            Phil stared at the pictures of his adventures with Zeke during Space Camp. Those days seemed so far away. Back then, there were no worries of sickness. How to pack the most possible fun into each day was the only dilemma he and Zeke faced. Everything had become so different. He wanted to see Zeke, to talk to him, but Zeke didn’t want to see him. He felt that Zeke hated him. He also believed that the doctors hadn’t recommend that Zeke be home schooled; Zeke had wanted it.

 

            When a phone call finally came, it wasn’t what Phil had expected.

 

            “Why won’t you talk to him?” Meg asked.

 

            “He doesn’t want to talk to me,” Phil answered.

 

            “Yes, he does. He just won’t say it.”

 

            “Then he can call me when he feels like it. It’s his decision, right?” Phil said coldly before hanging up.

 

            The phone call seemed to throw Phil into a deeper darkness. He wondered why he was being so stubborn and not calling Zeke. For days, Phil occasionally stared at the phone, wondering if he should make the call. He didn’t have to wait that long.

 

            “Phil! Zeke collapsed again. We're taking him to the hospital,” Meg shouted as she ran with her parents’ cell phone in her hand.

 

            It was like Phil had expected such a call. He had seen it happen countless times in his head, but when it actually happened, he didn’t know what to do.

 

            As he stared at the phone in his hand, Phil’s mind fought over what to do. Should I go to the hospital? Would Zeke want to see me? Did he ask Meg to call me?

 

            It seemed that something was telling him to go to the hospital, yet something else kept him stationary. He was afraid. He was afraid to see Zeke, afraid of what he would say to Zeke, afraid that he might damage their friendship even more.

 

            “Philip…”

 

            Phil looked up at his mother, who held her gaze on him as she gave a firm nod.

 

            As if that nod made his decision, Phil hung up the phone and raced for his shoes.

 

***

            Phil’s eyes were blank as he stared at the pale figure of his best friend. Zeke’s eyes opened slowly. Life returned to the young man’s eyes as he blinked. Phil sat in his chair and watched his friend come to terms with where he was and what had happened.

 

            With effort, Zeke pushed himself up and tried to hold his position, but his arms failed him. He released his breath as he stared up at the ceiling. Tilting his head to the side, he tried to give Phil a smile.

 

            “Hey…”

 

            Phil remained quiet as he watched his friend attempt to lift himself again.

 

            Giving up, Zeke again turned his head to face his friend. “I guess I collapsed again, huh?”

 

            Only silence answered him as Phil refused to speak.

 

            “Silent treatment?” Zeke asked, attempting to joke.

 

            The shorter of the boys continued to stare blankly at his friend.

 

            “Come on, Phil, you can’t ignore me forever!” Zeke said, obviously becoming annoyed.

 

            Phil reached out for a pad of paper on the desk and began to write something on it. That seemed to irritate Zeke even more, and he tried to snatch the pad away from Phil, but he couldn’t reach that far.

 

            “Why are you being such an asshole?” Zeke shouted.

 

            The glare Phil gave Zeke silenced the bedridden boy. Zeke had only been on the receiving end of Phil’s glare in extreme situations, and he never enjoyed it.

 

            Phil stood up and headed towards the door.

 

            “Phil! Phil, don’t leave!” Zeke called out desperately. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I’m the asshole!”

 

            Sympathy filled Phil’s eyes as he turned towards Zeke, who had used all his strength to finally pull himself up, his arms trembling as he tried to maintain his posture. Phil couldn’t understand why someone as strong as Zeke would give up so easily on himself.

 

            “I can’t take it if I can’t talk with you…” Zeke cried. “Talk to me… please! I need to hear your voice. I need to talk with you.”

 

            Zeke continued to cry as Phil approached his bed. The piece of paper that slid to Zeke’s lap was written beautifully in Phil’s handwriting.

 

Not until you do the operation.

 

            The boy’s lips quivered as he turned away from Phil. “I can’t!”

 

            “Why!” Phil sagged to the seat. “The Zeke I know is a fighter. If there was a one percent chance, he’d take it. Why are you ending things prematurely?”

 

            Phil’s heart sank as he watched Zeke’s body tremble.

 

            Zeke looked up at Phil, but then turned away. He felt more comfortable not looking directly at his friend's eyes.

 

            “There is that chance…” Zeke began. “There's a good chance I might lose my voice… The operation might not even be successful. But if I lose my voice, how will I talk with you? I'd rather still talk with you while I can. Talking with you gives me strength…”

 

            At first, words wouldn’t form in Phil’s mouth. He sat stunned, and then, “So what? What about soccer?”

 

            “I don't care about soccer! How will I talk with you? We won't be able to stay up late at night talking about… things. I won't be able to tell you where you went wrong in our assignments. How can we be friends when we can't even talk? Could we even be friends?”    

 

            “If you don't do the operation, sure we can talk, but what will we talk about?” Phil’s voice wavered. “You won't be able to go to Space Camp anymore. We can't go swimming together. W-we can't even go to school together. You'll be stuck here…in this bed. Can we be friends like that?”

 

            Phil’s words seemed to crush Zeke even more, and the boy sobbed. “This isn’t fair! Why me?”

 

            The emotions Zeke had been trying to hold back completely broke through when Phil took him into his arms.

 

            “Oh, Zekey, if I could trade places with you I would!”

 

            “No! Don’t say that!”

 

            “I mean it! But even if it was me… Even if it was one percent, I'd do the operation. Who cares if I wouldn't be able to talk? It's not because we talk that we're best friends.” Phil lowered his voice to a soothing whisper. “We're best friends because we care about each other! There's so many things we still have to do. And I’d want to do them with my best friend… I'd hate to just be hearing about them from you.”

 

            “You would do it even if it meant you couldn’t talk?” Zeke asked as he stared out the window.

 

            “Yup!”

 

            Phil continued to comfort Zeke in his arms as they both calmed down from their emotional high.

 

            “Two out of nine… Those are the odds that I won't lose my voice if something goes wrong.”

 

            “It’s only two out of nine? If it doesn’t get bad, if the operation goes without flaw, then seven out of nine will become one hundred percent!”

 

            It took Zeke a moment to figure the inductive logic Phil had used, and it made sense. “You're right. It would suck to just hear what you did at Space Camp. Let's go again next summer…together.”

 

            “I'm always right…” Phil laughed as tears fell from his eyes.

 

            With a grin, Zeke pulled away from Phil’s arms. “Anyways, girls dig guys who know sign language.”

 

            “You can have all the girls,” Phil offered, smiling.

 

            “And you can have all the boys…” Zeke smiled back.

 

            Phil’s movement came to a halt as Zeke held his stare.

 

            “Phil… I know.”

 

            As if it was Phil’s turn to need support, Zeke pulled his best friend into a hug. The love was communicated flawlessly. No words had to be exchanged.

 

 

*****

 

            “Put it away!” Zeke ordered. “You’re going to drop it and break it if you keep twirling it in your fingers!”

 

            Phil continued to stare into the vast green of the simple glass gem. The pearly white swirl seemed to glow as the light bounced off its surface.

 

            “Can I really see my future?” Phil asked.

 

            “It’s a freakin’ myth, man!” Zeke threw his hand up. “It’s what sells, and you bought into it!”

 

            “Well, you’re the one who gave it to me!” Phil shot back. “Aren’t I supposed to believe in it?”

 

            “Believe it or don’t believe it. Just don’t depend on it. Your future-”

 

            “Is what you make of it…right?”

 

            Zeke’s mouth formed a grin. “Yeah… I should take my own advice once in a while, shouldn’t I?”

 

            “Have they said when they’re doing the operation?” Phil looked back at the crystal. He tried not to sound too eager, but he wanted to know what was going on.

 

            “They’re doing some preliminary treatments and stuff right now. It’s supposed to increase the success rate, or something,” Zeke said, lying back down. “I wish I could just get it over with.”

 

            “Well, at least you can spend Christmas at home, right?” Phil asked excitingly.

 

            “Exactly. I miss this room,” Zeke said, looking around Phil’s room.

 

            “When was the last time we had a sleepover here at my house?”

 

            “I don’t know, but it feels like ages. After I recover, we need to balance it out. You gotta stay at my house for at least a week!”

 

            Falling back on his bed, Phil laughed. “Katharine was looking really pretty, wasn’t she?” Phil teased.

 

            Zeke went red as the two recalled the day when they’d had a surprise visit from the pretty rose who seemed to attract all the guys in their class.

 

            “Yeah, she’s cute,” Zeke said, looking away.

 

            “She’s really concerned, you know. Don’t worry, I’m cheering for you two.” Phil laughed at his own remark.

 

            “Shut up!” Zeke shouted as he threw a pillow at Phil. “What about you? Who do you want?”

 

            “I’m not telling.”

 

            “Tell me!” Zeke commanded.

 

            “Never.” Phil closed his eyes.

 

            “Is it me?”

 

            Phil sat in silence as Zeke walked up beside Phil and sat down on his bed.

 

            Phil looked up at Zeke’s eyes.

 

            “You give me strength, Phil. Without you, I’d have given up. You mean so much to me. And I wish I could do something for you,” Zeke said, lowering his head.

 

            Phil’s heart banged in his ears as Zeke lowered his lips to Phil’s.

            In the most delicate way, Zeke gave Phil his first kiss. Zeke had kissed girls, but for Phil, it was his first kiss ever.

 

            “You’re my brother and best friend, Phil.”

 

            Phil sat up and faced his friend. He could sense Zeke’s regret that he couldn’t return Phil’s deepest feelings.

 

            Placing his forehead against Zeke’s, Phil closed his eyes and let out a sigh. “You’re my first crush, but I also love you as my brother and best friend. I know we can never be, but I’ll love you anyways. Thank you, Zeke, but you didn’t have to do that for me.”

 

            “There’s better guys out there than me, Phil.”

 

            “I can agree with you there,” Phil joked.

 

            “I’ll find you the perfect boyfriend. I like big boobs, so if I make the right conversions, you want someone with big muscles.” Zeke winked and added, “Come on, spill it! What cranks your wheel?”

 

            Phil couldn’t help but turn red. Zeke was the first person to know about him, and his deepest desires were coming under scrutiny.

           

 

*****

 

            When the snow finally began to melt in mid February, Zeke’s health seemed to reach a plateau. He didn’t have as much energy as before, but he no longer fainted. The medications Zeke was taking were to prepare him for the operation, but the doctor who would be performing the operation had kept setting the date further and further back. Both Phil’s and Zeke’s parents were nervous, but Phil and Zeke continued their friendship as if Zeke’s predicament was just a simple cold.

 

            It was near the end of February when Zeke was told the surgery date.

 

            Phil walked into the room and Zeke smiled up at him. As if he already knew, Phil walked up to his best friend and offered him a hug.

 

            “You okay?”

 

            “Yeah. I’m just glad that something is actually going to happen. Soon, I’ll be healthy again,” Zeke whispered.

 

            “And you’ll still be talking,” Phil assured him.

 

            “And I’ll be talking,” Zeke laughed.

 

            “And we’ll finish grade eight with one of us valedictorian, and then go to high school together,” Phil continued.

 

            “You mean you will be valedictorian, then we go to high school and finish up with me becoming valedictorian,” Zeke corrected.

 

            “Then we go to university…”

 

            “And you’ll make the propulsion engine that will send me to Mars, which we will claim not as a colony of Canada but of Zeke and Phil Land.”

 

            “Why do you get to be first?”

 

            “I’m older!”

 

            “Not mentally.” Phil grinned.

 

            “Oh! Touché.” Zeke grinned back as he pulled away from Phil’s embrace. “I request we call a truce until after my operation, when I’ll be most fit to kick your ass.”

 

            “Before you do that, you require a quest item that will help you succeed.”

 

            “And what will that be?”

 

            “A trophy from a soccer championship,” Phil said. “You’ll win it this year.”

 

            “Well, I won’t go so far as to say that. I’m really out of it. I’ll maybe need a year to recover my weight.”

 

            “You were always the winner, Zeke.” Phil stared into Zeke’s eyes. “Because you always put your heart into it. Which is why I know you’ll win this, too.”

 

            Zeke’s smile began a comfortable silence between them. With a quick wink, Zeke reached for the buzzer next to his bed.

 

            “Yes?” the voice said through the intercom.

 

            “Is nurse Rosemary free?” Zeke asked.

 

            “I can send her there, Zeke. Do you need help?”

 

            “Not really. I was wondering if I could go outside for a bit.”

 

            “She’ll be right there.”

 

            “Zeke?” Phil said.

 

            Zeke only smiled at Phil as the nurse came by with a wheelchair.

 

            “I don’t think I’ll need it,” Zeke told her.

 

            “Young man!” Nurse Rosemary raised an eyebrow.

 

            “We’ll be careful. I can do this,” Zeke declared. “Do you mind if Phil takes me out?”

 

            Sighing, Nurse Rosemary smiled and nodded her head. “The fresh air will be good for you. But if you get tired, you find a seat and wave down someone to come fetch me, okay?”

 

            “Yes, ma’am,” the two youths said together.

 

            “What do you plan to do?” Phil asked as Zeke leaned against a wall of the elevator on the way down.

 

            “Race with you…one more time,” Zeke said.       

 

            “Zeke, no!” Phil said worriedly.

 

            “Please, Phil. I need to know I can do this. You’re the only one I can do this with,” Zeke begged.

 

            “But your condition…”

 

            “I guarantee this won’t do anything. I’m a bit weak now, but I know I can still do this. Please let me.”

 

            The way Zeke looked at him, Phil could not deny his friend. He was certain that if he did, Zeke would lose confidence in himself.

 

            “All right,” Phil agreed.

 

            Their walk to the rear courtyard was awkwardly silent. People around them were talking and smiling, but the expressions on Phil’s and Zeke’s faces were as serious as death.

 

            Zeke’s movement stopped as they came to a clearing. There were some patients sitting on benches and some on the grass, enjoying the unusually warm February weather.

 

            “Don’t hold back, Phil,” Zeke ordered. “Give it your best shot. To that pine tree at the end.”

 

            The tree Zeke pointed out stood about fifty meters away. It was almost the same distance as from the corner intersection to the mailbox, where the two had always raced. Phil looked at his friend with hopes of changing his mind, but Zeke’s eyes told him there was no chance of that. Phil nodded.

 

            “On three,” Phil said. “One…two…THREE!”

 

            With a burst of speed, Phil mustered all his strength to his arms and legs as he ran straight ahead.

 

            Without looking to his side, Phil could feel Zeke keeping up. Phil was giving it his best shot, and he could feel that Zeke was putting forth his best effort as well. Zeke’s strong effort pushed Phil to not hold back. Zeke was keeping up and would probably pass him.

 

            When Phil reached the tree, he turned immediately around towards Zeke, who had fallen behind by several meters. Zeke had always been able to run blocks without breaking a sweat, but Phil was looking at a pale boy who struggled to remain standing as he swayed towards the goal.

 

            “Zeke!” Phil shouted as he ran back to help his friend.

 

            The shout seemed to spur Zeke out of a daze as he took a moment to regain his balance.

 

            “Stay back!” Zeke rasped.

 

            Phil’s movement froze as Zeke seemed to regain some strength.

 

            “Stay away, Phil. Let me do this…” Zeke said with a weak voice.

 

            Phil watched as Zeke took another breath and progressed a few more steps.

 

            “I can do this.” Words said to Phil, words of encouragement to himself; fittingly, they were both. “I won’t let this end. I’ll win!”

 

            With a final struggle, Zeke flew forward into Phil, and the smaller boy helped keep him up. It surprised Phil how light Zeke’s body had become. Yet, as frail and weak as Zeke’s body was, there obviously was true strength in his heart.

 

            “You did it,” Phil said proudly as he acknowledged his best friend’s accomplishment.

           

“I…I did it…” Zeke breathed in life. “Can we…stay like this…just for a bit longer…”

 

            Phil supported Zeke as the weaker boy found it impossible to stand on his own. Zeke continued to breathe deeply.

 

            Back in Zeke’s the room, the boys passed time playing card games like Crazy Eights, Speed, and War. Their discussions of nothing and everything made time pass in an instant.

 

            When both Zeke’s and Phil’s fathers entered the room, the boys knew that Phil had to go.

 

            “Dad! We’re having a party for Zeke the day before the operation.”

 

            “Is that so?” Phil’s father smiled.

 

            “Yeah. Zeke said he has to have tests done all this week, so we’ll only be able to visit the day before the operation,” Phil said.

 

            “Well, we need to plan, then, right?” Zeke’s father, Mr. Squires spoke up. “I know you’ll be work…”

 

            “It’s on a Saturday, dad,” Zeke cut in, “so it’ll be okay.”

 

            Zeke’s father looked at him, and Zeke smiled back.

 

            “Ah, yes… of course.”

 

            “Well then, Nita and I will be sure to be here. Anyway, Phil, your mom told me you haven’t finished your homework.”

 

            “I did it while Zeke took a nap. What’s for dinner?”

 

            Phil’s father turned to Zeke’s father and both smiled. There had never been a time when either had had to remind their children to do their homework.

 

            “All right, then, let’s go home and see what Mom has prepared.”

 

            “Okay!”

 

            Phil turned to Zeke and gave him a hug. “I’ll see you in a few days, Zeke.”

 

            Zeke returned the hug but with deeper feeling. Confused, Phil pulled away after a moment to look at his friend.      

 

            “Sorry,” Zeke whispered. “It’s going to be a few days until we see each other, and I’ll miss you.”

 

            “Me too, Zeke.” Phil smiled. “But there’s tomorrow!”

 

            “Tomorrow…”

 

            “Yeah, even if we can’t see each other. If you’re not too tired, you can call me tomorrow.”

 

            “Yeah… I will. Tomorrow,” Zeke said.

 

            “All right!” Phil waved as he said, “I’m taking off.”

 

            “See ya…”

 

            Without turning back, Phil walked out with his father.

 

             Zeke’s father watched as his son stared out the window near his hospital bed. “Are you sure about this, Zeke? Why didn’t you tell him?”

 

            “I want it to be a surprise… Next time I see him, I’ll be healthy!”

 

            “He's going to be angry that you didn't tell him.”

 

            “That's what I want to see,” Zeke said, smiling broadly.

 

 

*****

 

 

            The night sky was clear enough for some sparks of light to break through the clouds. Squinting his eyes, Zeke could make out the positions of the stars. The half moon shone in a way that seemed so familiar, yet different

 

 

It seems like there’s too much going on in this world, Phil. To someone else, I’m just another boy. To someone else, you’re just another boy. To me, you’re an irreplaceable brother. There is only one Phil. There’s so much to see, so much for us to see! We’ve only traveled a short distance if we are to put our lives into perspective. There’s so much to do, Phil.

 

            The sky shone a dark blue as the moonlight illuminated the clouds around it. The silence that filled the room was like the vacuum of space. Cars drove by in silence, their lights giving life to shadows that danced in the distance. If there were just a bit less light, the sky would shine more beautifully than any city light ever could. But this would have to do.

 

I’ve always liked science. Everyone who looks at anything can see the same thing, yet only a few understand what amazing things they are actually witnessing. You can stare out at the stars and not know what you’re looking at. I’m jealous of you, Phil. Why is it you see things for what they are? I react on impulse, what feels good; never burdened by the consequences or implications of my actions… And you always stand by me.

 

            The cars on the road disappeared. Every so often one or two would pass by, but except for the night-working adults, the streets around the hospital were empty. The buildings whose lights had shone brightly into the night were as silent as the halls in the hospital. The stars seemed to have faded away. Perhaps it was the clouds that hid them. No, the stars had faded away. The moon was still high, yet dawn was breaking.

 

As beautiful as the stars are, I’m not sad to see them one last time. Can you remember the last time we both stared up at the sparkling lights that looked down on us? Can you remember how you felt at that moment? I remember… In the middle of the night, in a world with just us, I’ve never been so happy. Despite the beauty that shone above us, I couldn’t help but wonder, “Will this last forever?”

 

            The buildings that had been cast into darkness had taken form again, the morning mist already rising in the early spring. The buds that lay in the soil would soon begin to blossom, their beauty for all the world to see.

 

Remember when you got really sick? I wanted to see you, but they said I couldn’t. They didn’t want me to catch the flu, too. I couldn’t understand it, then. I felt like I couldn’t do anything but stand and wait. Is that how you feel now? It was my fault. It was me who insisted we go out in the rain; I snuck us out. We had fun that day, remember? Remember how the puddles would splash around our feet, and how the droplets of rain seemed to dance over the pavement? People try so hard to find beautiful things. If they’ll go dance in the rain, they’ll see what so many in this world miss.

 

            The birds chirped as dawn broke. The window that stood ajar allowed the voices of Mother Nature to enter the quiet room. The brisk air brought forth the fresh scent of the morning.

 

I didn’t feel anything at all. The tears that rolled down my cheeks were warm. I used to believe I should just accept what was happening. But you refused to let me give in. I was stubborn, angry…sad. But seeing your tears, seeing your face… I was suddenly grateful to God for being born into this world. To be able to meet you. To be able to love you and be loved by you.

 

            Morning sun bathed the world with her gentle touch. The beams of sunlight seemed to give life to inanimate objects. The leaves that rustled ever so slightly echoed the calls of nature; an orchestra with all players present. Even the clouds seemed to make way for the sun.

 

We’ve been together our whole lives. And from where I sit, I know this is a great world. These last few months have been great. You held me like I was so fragile. When was it that our roles reversed? I used to be the one holding you, making sure you were all right… You remember, right?

 

Unable to sleep, I write this letter. I remember how happy I am when I’m with you. I refuse to give in to my suffering. My life is so small, but you give it so much meaning. I hold on to it, afraid to let it disappear, and I think of you. I think of this life…this… beautiful life.

 

We never needed guides to tell us where to go next. When we didn’t know things, we sought out answers ourselves. You depended on me to give the facts. Together we joined the pieces, and you led the way. Hey, Phil… where do I go from here?

 

*****

 

            Phil could hardly contain himself as he ran through the hospital wing. He had dared to go there three days before he would officially be allowed in for Zeke’s pre-operation party. It had finally come, the book he and Zeke had been waiting for. He couldn't make sense of anything in it, yet, but he knew that he and Zeke could work together and figure things out. A quick breeze through the thick book had given Phil a list of popular stars that can be seen all year long. The grin that refused to fade made him antsy as the elevator slowly made its way up to the fifth floor.

           

 "Guess what I got!" Phil announced as he stepped into Zeke's room. He held the book in front of his face as he walked in, hoping Zeke would recognize it on the spot.

 

            When no one responded, Phil lowered the book, assuming that Zeke was asleep. Instead, he found an empty room. It housed two beds, but they were both empty.

 

            They must be doing some of those tests on him, Phil thought, as he took a seat beside Zeke's bed.

 

            Half an hour passed, and Zeke didn't return. One hour. Two. Phil couldn't take anymore. He stood up and headed for the door.

 

            An orderly blocked the way, attending a boy in a wheelchair. To Phil's disappointment, it wasn't Zeke.

 

            The man smiled at Phil as he wheeled the boy to the bed next to Zeke's. Phil felt sorry for the kid in the wheelchair. He knew from the hairless head that the boy was being treated for some sort of cancer. Yet, there was a glow in the child's eyes that Phil couldn't comprehend.

 

            "You can't give up! Don't give up! I won't ever forgive you if do!" Phil's own voice shouted in his head. He smiled at the kid, and the boy smiled back.

 

            Phil's smile faded when he realized which bed the boy was intending to occupy.        "That bed's taken by my friend Zeke," he almost shouted.

 

            Startled, the orderly stood straight. "Well, we can't have that now, can we?" The man pressed the nurse’s button and waited for a response.

 

            "Nurse station…" the speaker replied.

 

            "Can you please check the occupancy of room 516, bed B?"

 

            "The bed is not occupied," the nurse responded after a moment.

 

            "Well, there's a boy here who insists that the bed is taken by his friend," the man said, seeming rather annoyed.

 

            There was no response, but then, "I'll be right there."

 

            "There may have been a mix up," the man said to Phil. "It happens sometimes. Or maybe the boy was transferred. Anything could have happened."

            Phil just nodded.       

 

            When Nurse Rosemary entered, Phil felt relieved to see a face that he recognized.

 

            "Excuse me, ma'am?" Phil asked the nurse, "Do you know where…"

 

            Phil couldn't finish. The look the nurse gave him was one he'd never forget.

 

            The nurse gave a deep sigh before stepping up to him. "Honey… Let's take a walk, all right?" Nurse Rosemary placed her arm around Phil and started to lead him out of the room.

 

            For a fraction of a second, Phil allowed himself to be lead, but then he shifted away.

 

            "No… Where is he?"

 

            Nurse Rosemary raised her hands gently as if trying to calm him down. "Now, Phil. Please, this is not going to be easy…"

 

            Phil took off in the opposite direction.

 

            "Zeke!" Phil shouted as he walked hastily through the corridor while Nurse Rosemary gave orders to the nurse beside her. "Zeke! Zeke, where are you? Why won't they let me see you?"

 

            "Philip…" a voice whispered.

 

            "Zeke!" Phil said excitingly as he turned around.

 

            The person Phil saw was not Zeke at all. It was Meg, and the tears streaking down her sodden face shattered Phil’s heart. “Everyone’s been looking for you, Phil, to tell you that…”

 

*****

            "Phil?" the deep voice said.

 

            Philip didn't look up from the crystal sphere he held in his hands. He stared endlessly into the motionless green that stared back at him. After a moment, Phil placed the sphere on his desk, beside the book he had been so excited to show Zeke.

 

            It wasn’t that the boy hadn’t heard the voice. He even recognized it, but at that moment he didn't care. He didn't care about anything. His best friend was dead.

 

            The doctor took off his glasses and wiped them on his shirt as he took a seat.

 

            Phil couldn't comprehend how much time passed after the doctor sat down, but it felt like hours.

 

            "Zeke fought until the end. He did his best to live. I've never seen a boy as strong as him…"

 

            "The operation was supposed to be in four days," Phil said slowly, turning to Zeke’s doctor. "Why did…"

 

            Phil paused. He knew the answer. He knew it before he even asked the doctor. It was just like Zeke to do something like that. Zeke wanted to surprise him. A new hole ripped into Phil's chest.

 

            "I couldn't save his life… I'm really sorry."

 

            By then, Phil couldn't contain himself. His breathing was rough, his teeth pressed together painfully as his anger seethed, his fists balled up in a viselike grip on his lap.

 

            He blamed the doctor. The doctor had failed. He was supposed to save Zeke. It was because of him his best friend was dead. Before anything could come out of the boy's mouth, he felt something nudge his foot.

 

            The green crystal ball had fallen to the floor and rolled by his feet. He stared at the green vastness,

his breath gone. The pearly smoke on its surface seemed to shine an endless white. As if it were calling him, Phil reached down with his trembling hands and retrieved it. He held it gently and manipulated it, as the swirling green seemed to glow about his fingertips.

 

            Carefully, Phil placed the sphere into the holder on top of his desk and turned to the doctor.

 

            "Thank you, Dr. Rastogi," Phil whispered. Quietly, the young boy walked out of his room.

 

            Phil sat on his front porch, watching the red sun as it set over the houses. The massiveness of celestial phenomena had always excited both Zeke and himself, but now, it felt like the sky was crying for him.

 

            "It's hard losing your best friend, Philip. You guys had so much more to do before either of your time came…" Phil recognized the somber voice of Zeke's father.

 

            The man sat down beside Phil. Phil knew that if anyone felt his sadness, it was Zeke's family.

 

            Somehow, Phil didn't feel like he deserved to face the man. He lowered his head.

 

            "It's hard… sad, isn't it?" the steady voice asked. "All that goes through your mind is regret, but there's nothing you can do that can change the truth. Not without lying to yourself."

 

            Phil didn't reply. He didn’t want to hear that. But of all people, he couldn’t ask him to stop. He felt that if he had been a better friend, Zeke would be alive. He felt somehow responsible for Zeke's death.

 

            "But there is one thing you can do, Phil. It's something only you can do."

 

            Phil felt tears trace his face. He was confused, wondering what he could do now that his best friend was gone.

 

            "Keep Zeke in your heart, Philip," the older man whispered.

 

            Phil clamped his eyes shut as the sadness enveloped him.

 

            "Philip, you're now carrying Zeke's life along with your own. From now on, it's not just your life you're living."

 

            Slowly, Phil opened his eyes, the sadness still not retreating from his heart.

 

            "Now, look up."

 

            Phil did, and stared at the fading sun.

 

            "Remember Zeke forever. And start walking forward for Zeke, too… Please? I know he’d want that."

 

            Phil tried with all his might to stop the tears from coming. He had to be strong; he wanted to be strong.

 

            "Don't hold back," Zeke's father said, through tears of his own. "Everyone cries. Never be ashamed of the tears you shed for someone else."

 

            A pair of large arms surrounded Phil, and as if someone had magically freed him, he roared with agony at the fading sky.

 

 

END OF PHIL'S CHAPTER

 

© August 2006 by Ryan Keith        Ryan_Kayden@Rogers.com

Ry's Corner!
Wow, is it the end of summer already? Went by fast didn’t it. I’m going to miss the sun, the beach, the driving with my car window down… Time to breakout my winter jacket for the damn Canadian winter again. Okay, being a bit dramatic, but I’m seriously getting sick of these harsh winters.

So what did you think? Everyone’s been asking for more on Phil. Well, I gave you a whole chapter of him. We might be seeing more of him in the future, who knows. This chapter was a tear jerker. You knew it would be before you read it. It took a while to get this chapter out. I had it done a while back, but I wasn’t satisfied. At that time I was also writing the final chapter for the Round Robin project “Collision”. When I finished the first draft of that last chapter, I went back to Phil’s chapter and made it 20 times better. Then I wrote the next chapter of Zac and Kayden (Which is almost 45 freakin pages- the earlier chapters are roughly about 20 pages btw), and then I did the second draft of Collision, making that like 20 times better and sending it to Aaron for the first edit (Who prints it out and edits it with a red marker…just like my English teacher back in High school…so much red). While I waited, I went over Phil’s story yet again and made MORE changes before sending to Aaron.

 

Why am I telling you all this? Because I want you guys to see how much I work poor Aaron. The guy is starting University this Fall! And here I am working him like a work horse. Ease up on the demands guys. I know the chapters take a long time to come, and I’m sorry. I get busy, and then Aaron gets busy too. I just want you guys to understand the work involved in these chapters before they are shipped off to the site in a neat package. Aaron works hard for these chapters and the guys from The Mail Crew do their best by pre-reading the chaps, so please don’t harass them or me to bring out more chapters.

 

*sigh* Don’t mean to sound like the jerk here, but I had to get that out. So what have I been up to? I went to Sweden with my mom for a bit. It was damn cool, I almost want to live there. They have the same season as we do in Canada, but less traffic and cleaner air. Don’t want to say Toronto is bad, but I get tired of the constant traffic going downtown. But we’re far more fortunate than some others. For those who have seen the poverty in countries like South Africa you’ll see the true meaning of horrible living conditions.

Okay off topic. Hope every student reading this is prepping for the return for another year in high school/university. I’ll be joining the workforce this September for my year internship. Going to leave Toronto for a bit for a change of pace. Going to miss it here, but I really need to get out of this city for a bit (not in any way gang related or trouble with the law). So what’s new? My university fined me $200 worth of parking tickets. Yeah didn’t know they could do that, but now I know, lol. So any one off to University in Ontario, a word of advice, pay for the parking unless you’re sure you can get away from it. My friend has to pay $1200 worth of parking tickets her brother piled up with HER car.

 

Ouch.

 

Alright, so a new chapter of Kayden is coming up. And I let my imagination wander a bit on this one. I’m sure many people will enjoy it.

Cheerz

Ry^!

 

p.s. Send a note to the wonderful gang at The Mail Crew. They all contribute to the upkeep of their great site and providing a home for my stories. Special thanks to Aaron for the hours he puts into editing my work and for not sending me bills for red/black ink and tissue paper. Thanks, also, to prestigious story sites AwesomeDude and DeweyWriter for hosting my stories.

 

 

Note from Aaron: The first time you read this story, you get caught up in learning what actually happened to Zeke, the friend Phil talked about at the retreat in chapter 7 of “Kayden and Zac”. The second time you read it, you pick up on some of the finer points in this powerful story of friendship. Starting with the third reading, you begin to really appreciate the masterful way that Ryan put the story together. It just grips you and stays with you. As Ry said, it’s a tear jerker, which means that it was a painful one to edit. Ryan promised he wouldn’t do that to me anymore, after I edited part 6 and the epilogue of “One Life”. Oh, well, it was worth it!  BTW, check out the One Life and More Yahoo! group.