Kayden
by Ryan Keith
Chapter 6 - A New Day
Kayden isn't who I thought he was. From the moment he stumbled into that classroom, I had imagined him to be this innocent dude who had the greatest personality. Well, he does have a great personality, but he also hides a dark past. The recent revelations by Kayden are hard to believe, but the seriousness of his gaze and the strength of his voice had upheld his words. Kayden is a runaway. He suffered back at his home, then stumbled into a new life, and already has lost two very important people in that life. He changed his last name, has a tendency to fight when needed, was involved in a gang-related incident, and moved to Whitby at the request of his late guardian. It seems that I have described a problematic boy who got involved in crime, but to me he's perfect. In the short time that I've known him, Kayden has demonstrated supreme skills in physical education and, according to Mai, has proven to be very artistic.
His hair is perfect, his eyes mesmerizing, his lips smooth, and he has a strikingly fit body. I remember the day I saw him at the recreation center where I swim. I watched his body glisten with his sweet nectar as he ran the indoor track, his cut body moving synchronously like a machine. For a kid our age he's well developed. I remember the tough physical competition between Kayden and Jett during the opening days of school. Most of all, I remember those blue jewels in his eyes. The cool -- and at times icy -- blue eyes that seem to see everything. The mysterious phenomenon of his eyes turning into the pale grey when he's serious or angry. His entire existence is a mystery, yet I feel so close to him. I can still feel his gentle kiss. His smile is a wonder of its own. Let's not forget about that grin. He can turn heads a full circle when he walks down a hallway with that grin loaded.
Before I knew it, it was Monday. The Toronto events were growing fainter in my head. Nothing had really happened with my dad after he checked me out of the hospital on Sunday. He asked what was up. I told him everything, except the truth about Kayden, the same as what I had told the police. For all I cared, everything was over. That Neil guy is still in juvenile jail, and his friends who attacked me won't bother us again.
Things were hectic with the guys and me on Monday morning. When we saw one another it was like New Years. We were so happy to see one another. No one had suffered any real damage, except maybe Jett. He seemed kinda distant even though he was happy to see me. I didn't really notice it then, because Shin made a big enough scene to make up for Jett's lack of enthusiasm. The moment I saw Shin, he literally pounced on me. Scott was his normal self, cocky and loud.
"I had a headache at the time. If I was at my peak, those guys wouldn't have stood a chance," he told us.
We were all early that morning, about thirty minutes ahead of the bell. We sat outside by the stone benches, enjoying the silence. It wasn't really awkward; I guess we were just content with everything.
"Hey, boys!"
I was surprised to see Mai with Maya. I didn't know they knew each other. For one thing, Mai is this superior lady who has a backbone, and Maya is a beautiful goddess who seems to do everything with a touch of grace.
We waved to them as they came closer. I couldn't help but grin when Mai walked behind Shin and wrapped her arms around his neck, then down to his chest. Shin turned his head and lightly kissed her, making her smile like I'd never seen before. It was like two opposites canceling. The restless Shin becoming a calm gentleman, and straightforward and bold Mai giggling with a soft smile. I looked at them with happiness and envy. I wanted that kind of love, too.
"Okay, you don't need to advertise. We know, already," Scott complained, with a hint of distaste. "I mean, we're outside the school. Save it for the library or the janitor's closet."
Mai smacked Scott on the back of the head while Shin grinned. Sometimes I wonder how far that fool really has gone with her. Scott decided to just shut his mouth after catching dagger-like glares from Maya and Jett. I was happy with this -- well, almost happy. `Happy' would be me with Kayden as well. I guess someone was smiling down on me just then.
"Uh, hey guys!"
I turned towards the boy's voice, already knowing who it was. Kayden was looking as beautiful as ever. His knapsack was around one arm, his left hand holding onto it; his other hand deep in his pocket. His pants were as baggy as usual, and his shirt was unbuttoned and hanging. That same cool necklace hung from his neck.
"You better watch it, Kade," Maya warned in a playful voice. "The General is going to pop a vein if you don't button and tuck."
Mr. Sergeant is commonly known as The General. Everyone hates him, and he knows it. The three of us laughed at the image of our religion teacher making an ass of himself, again.
"Oh, Kade, did you finish that three-point-perspective drawing for art?" Mai asked, returning to her original position around Shin's neck.
"Umm, not really. I was sort of busy over the weekend."
"So I've heard. I'm glad nothing serious happened to you guys," Mai said coolly.
We all just stared widely at her while Shin shuddered. Maya just looked around, obviously missing something.
"Oh, umm, I sorta told her about the incident," Shin explained, somewhat embarrassed.
"What incident?" Maya asked.
It came out like a flood. Mai replayed the entire night through the words of Shin. Of course it was horrendously modified, since it ended with the attackers running away and Kayden tripping and cutting his hand while he tried to run after them.
The moment of truth finally arrived when Scott asked the million dollar question. "Why were you there in the first place? It's kinda suspicious that you showed up after those punks jumped Zac." There was a sharp edge to Scott's voice. It was almost like he was making an accusation.
"Well, his aunt lives in the area. He just happened to see you guys running around when you went looking for me," I lied. I wanted to help. I didn't want Kayden to be seen as a dangerous guy.
"I was at dinner at a cool restaurant with my aunt when I saw Zac run out of Swiss Chalet. I thought something was up," Kayden said, playing along with the fake aunt bit.
"How bad is your hand?" Maya asked. I was surprised to see it wasn't as bad as I had thought it was. His hand had a small bandage, but when he removed it, the cut looked small.
"Not too bad, just a piece of metal that was lying around. I was just clumsy."
"Yeah, well, I think it seems too much of a coincidence that he shows up the moment Zac is in trouble. It's almost too convenient," Scott said, almost like he was angry. There was definitely something in his voice. I knew he didn't like Kayden, but he didn't need to be an asshole about it.
"Why are you being such an idiot? He just saved your life, and you don't even thank him?" Maya questioned, her voice carrying a bit more anger than I'm used too.
"Oh, and how exactly does this apply to you? I really didn't ask for your opinion. You're always like this. Butting into things that don't concern you. I mean…"
"EXCUSE ME! But I'm just worried that you guys were hurt. Why don't you just swallow your pride and thank him. Lose some of that ego. You're always being so impossible. Remember when… " Maya was acting different than I was used to. I kinda liked her like that. She seemed more natural.
I wasn't too lost in the argument to realize that Jett wasn't with us anymore. I looked around and caught a glimpse of him walking around the corner of the building.
"You always bring that up. Can't you think of any other thing besides… "
I quietly made an escape while Scott and Maya continued their bickering. No one noticed me slip away; they were all engrossed in what was unfolding before them. I smiled at their childishness.
I knew why Jett had walked away. The events of that day were still tormenting him. The fact that he hadn't been there for me probably was hurting him more than I realized. As I wandered the school grounds, I saw him heading towards the wooded area.
Why would he go there? He doesn't smoke up.
I followed him through the branched maze. We were walking through a tight area. The other side, near the residential neighbourhood, is pretty big. Some kids even get lost there. I tried to follow Jett as fast as I could. As I continued to walk I realized I wasn't following him anymore. I stopped in my tracks and scanned around. I could see nothing but trees, and hear nothing but nature.
"It'll take a million years for you to be able to sneak up on me, Zac."
I turned around and found Jett behind me. I knew that what his sister had told me was true. At that moment, the strong Jett I knew looked vulnerable, like a lost boy.
"Follow me," he said.
I did as he asked. We were probably going to miss our first period, but I didn't care. This was something Jett and I needed to do. Jett led me around through the trees. I knew where we were going; a place where we used to hang out as younger kids, to escape the world. It's a great place, in an open area. The long grass was silently moving, and the leaves on the trees brushed against each other as we came to a stop.
He turned to me, seeming to emit a strong force. I felt like he was towering over me.
"Listen to me for one second. No interruptions, okay?" He said in a calm yet commanding voice. I just nodded my head.
"I need to know where we stand. I'm your best friend, right?" he asked. I nodded again and he continued. "And you're my best friend. I would never hurt you. You know that. But sometimes I feel like you're hiding stuff from me. I have never hidden anything from you. So why do you have to start now? We've been best friends since we were kids. I'm not going to throw away all we've been through, for anything. Even if you went on a mass murdering spree, I would defend you, saying you're an angel who wouldn't hurt a fly." I smiled a bit at the thought. "So you see, nothing - NOTHING -- you do or say will make my friendship with you change." Jett looked sadly at the bright blue sky. "I almost lost you. If Kayden hadn't shown up, things would have been a lot worse. I know those punks didn't just run away. I know that's a knife wound on his hand. The nurses were talking about it. And I know Kayden wasted at least two of the bastards. His fists aren't bruised for no reason." I could almost hear him gritting his teeth, his anger boiling. I might have to tell him the truth.
"Another thing… " He turned to me, his face fuming. He stepped closer to me, and I was sure he was going to deck me for causing so much trouble. To tell the truth, I probably deserved it.
He lifted his arms and I clamped my eyes shut, willing to accept the punishment I deserved. It didn't come. Instead, I felt his strong arms wrap tightly around me, his head fitting perfectly between my neck and shoulders. I felt him tremble a bit. I lifted my arms to hold him. I could tell he was crying.
"Hey man, I'm still here. I'm not dead. You still have me," I whispered. I felt his body shake uncontrollably. Knowing I had caused him this pain made me sick to my stomach. I couldn't believe I had made him hurt so much. He deserved to know, but I still couldn't tell him. Was I scared? Yeah. He might still care for me if I killed people, but would he still want me as a friend if I was gay?
"Don't ever run from me, please. Fuck, man, you scared the hell out of me when I found you collapsed in Kayden's arms. I thought you had died, you fucker. I almost lost my best friend." He totally lost it at that moment. "If you do this again I will seriously deck you," he swore.
I smiled and replied, "Yeah, sure. I won't. That's a promise."
"So, you gonna tell me what was up with you that night in the restaurant?" he asked in a calmer, serious voice.
I froze. I knew it would come to this. I still couldn't tell him. There is too much that I don't yet understand about myself. I didn't know what to say.
"Jett, I don't think I can tell you, yet." I looked up at him and he held my gaze. He wasn't angry. I guess he was going to hear me out. "There's so much I don't know at the moment. It might be too early for me to explain. I don't even know how to explain it. Do you think you can give me some time to figure it out? You're right: I had a problem that day. But I need to face it. When I'm ready, I'll tell you." I looked away towards the trees. "Just not now.” I stood quietly waiting for him to respond. After getting no response I turned my head slightly to see my best friend, my rock, smiling at me.
I knew the bell had definitely already rung. It didn't matter. When was the last time it was just Jett and me? We sat around in the soft grass, remembering the days we had spent in the forest in earlier years.
"You know, I actually brought my first girl here. She thought it was boring. I knew she wasn't for me the moment she said that. No one insults my childhood."
"Oh, was it that Megan girl? The snobbish one?" He nodded, and I pretended to spew my guts out.
"She is such a ditz. Honestly, what made you date that idiot?"
"Hey, I thought she was a little different. I like a girl with a personality. She was just way too obnoxious and into herself. You saw how she prattled around after she started dating me. It was like I was only something for her to show off to her friends. Never going for that type again."
"And how about the girl you're seeing now?" I asked with interest.
"I don't know. She's kind of distant. She won't even hold hands. She doesn't return calls. And all day Sunday she was out. I left a message and she totally didn't return it. I don't think it's going to happen with her. It's a shame, too. I think she's kinda cute."
"Yeah, well, if I was her I'd be scared to date a man whore, too."
I felt his playful yet painful punch land on my arm as I laughed my ass off. He just smiled and blushed a little.
"So who's the next target?" I asked.
"Well, actually, I've been really attracted to Maya for a long time. But she seems way out of my league. I don't think I have a chance."
This was sort of cool. I could so see them going out. They compliment each other. "Go for it. As if you didn't know, you're one of the most-wanted guys in our grade."
"Yeah, with you being the number one most-wanted guy in our grade. She wants you, man. She's always around you, and inviting you to sit with her. And you keep turning her down. What's with you? Why don't you go for it?"
"I don't know. I think you look better with her," I complimented.
"So what about you? I've never seen you go out with a girl. Too scared, or are you gay?" he asked in a joking tone.
I let out a bogus laugh, sort of offended on the inside. I couldn't tell where he stood. I decided to test him, to see what I could find out.
"Well, what if I was gay?"
"Hmm… " He seemed to be thinking about the possibility. "Well, I don't think it would matter. You still would be Zac. It's not like you'd be a girl or something. You're not a transsexual are you?" he asked with a curious stare.
I laughed hard at the thought. At the same time, my heart felt free.
He's ok with it. Oh my God. Why did I ever doubt him?
I smiled up at the sky with satisfaction. I lay back with my hands behind my head, staring at some faint clouds. I saw Jett lean over and stare at me.
"Something about this conversation makes me wonder what it's like to kiss another guy."
"W-what?" I asked in confusion. I felt my cheeks flare up.
"Well, you really can't just let it go without giving it a shot. I'm sure all guys think of it at one time or another." He grinned a bit.
I swallowed hard. "So you want to see what it's like?"
"I wouldn't mind giving it a shot," he replied. His eyes were sort of glittering. They had a hold on me. I couldn't look away. "If I were going to try it, I can't think of a better person than my best friend." He gave me a bit of a cocky smile. Something he rarely does. He must have caught it from Scott. I felt my heart beating fast. This was way too unreal. I lay immobilized while he slowly lowered his head.
"You want to see too, right?" he whispered. I could feel his breath. I could hear him breathe. I closed my eyes. I could feel him drawing even closer to me. The heat from his face told me he was close. And then I felt it. His lips. As soft as I had imagined. I breathed him in, taking in as much of his scent as I could. It didn't end there. I felt his mouth open, I felt my mouth open, and then a warm, wet object invaded my mouth. I opened my eyes wide in shock. His eyes were closed as his tongue explored my mouth. I don't know what got into me, but I suddenly went off into a trance, as my eyes slowly closed. I moved my tongue to meet his. Alone in the woods of our youth, my best friend and I shared my first real kiss. I realized the one with Kayden had been nothing more than a peck.
It was like we both knew time was up. He lifted his head and grinned down at me. Both of us were breathing hard. He looked very sexy. I felt like we had just shared the most intimate feeling in the world. His lips began to curve into that cocky smile. I felt happy for the girl who would melt each time he brought that out.
"Wow," he said.
"Yeah, that was intense," I said, slightly embarrassed.
"Now I know what it's like," he said, sort of triumphantly. His cheeks were red. "But I think I prefer the girls. No offence, but it was kind of weird."
I sat up and smacked his arm. " You idiot, it was weird because you were kissing your best friend."
He grinned wildly and cocked one eyebrow. "What was it like to have your virgin lips stolen by a whore like me?"
I sighed. I'm not about to let him get the best of me.
"Well, I'm kinda disappointed. You're a horrible kisser."
He grabbed at his heart like he was hurt. To say the truth, my heart was going a million beats a minute. It was so intense, so much better than I had expected. I was glad it happened. Although I would definitely want to do that with Kayden, doing it with Jett was amazing. He's not my type of boyfriend, but he's definitely my best friend. I felt like our friendship had reached a new level.
"We cool?" he asked in an innocent tone.
I turned to him and smiled. "Yeah, we're cool."
By the time Jett and I got back to school, we had already missed half of the period. Regardless, we signed in and went to our classrooms. Both Maya and Kayden gave me worried looks, but I smiled to emphasize nothing was wrong.
The class was pretty much useless for me. While our teacher preached about something regarding Christianity, I was thinking back to the moments spent with Jett. Besides the kiss, everything we had talked about had to sink into my head. I felt bad as a friend, because I couldn't make myself trust Jett like I should. I decided to be more honest with myself, and with my friends. One thing that needed to be cleared up soon was my sexual orientation. Jett, I knew, wouldn't be an issue.
Shin has mentioned something about gay rights once or twice. His cousin is openly gay and Shin supports him all the way. Sometimes he laughs, imagining what his cousin might do with another guy. He buckles his knees and holds them for support while he laughs his ass off. I don't see why a gay relationship would make him laugh so hard, but Shin has the mentality of a six-year-old, at times. I remember hearing about Shin's uncontrollable outburst during sex ed last year. It had been such an issue because students who were with him also began to laugh. The teacher found it almost impossible to contain him. I'm sure he'll be supportive when I tell him.
My only concern is Scott. He had made it clear to me that day in Toronto that he doesn't approve of gay people. I wonder how big of a shock it would be if he found out about me.
I need to confront him about his attitude. Maybe I can make him less hostile towards gays, including me. The last thing I want is to turn my friend into an enemy. I'll have to reach out to him.
I watched as time slowly passed while I half listened to my teacher's speech. Later, though, time was passing too fast as I walked towards the cafeteria.
I can't do this! YES, I can! It has to be done. One way or another I'll have to come out. I need to reach out to Scott.
I scanned the lunchroom and focused my eyes on a medium-height boy whose face was stuffed with cheese curds and gravy. His brown hair contrasted with blond highlights waved in the air as he rocked his head to the music he was listening to on the Discman I bought him a couple of years ago for his birthday. I'm surprised he still has it. I slowly approached the two-seated table. He looked up and smiled that mischievous smile. He wasn't even thinking of doing something bad, it was just his way of smiling. It always looks like he's planning something.
I walked the rest of the way to Scott and sat down, returning the smile. He returned to his food. I stared at him as he consumed his lunch. Moments passed. If anyone were paying attention to us, it would have looked like I was checking him out. Some girls say he's quite hot, but some people are turned off by his cocky attitude and his immaturity. Yet I know that ninety-nine percent of the girls who look down on his overconfidence and sense of mischief actually want him. No matter what those girls say, they want him, but they don't want their friends to know that. Scott gives the skater boy impression, which is why some girls don't hang around him. They're too stuck up with their fake-faced friends and their own popularity groups to ever socialize with him. They don't want to be involved with some white trash skater boy, which is too bad for them, because Scott is everything but that. He's a great friend, and someone I can always depend on. His straightforwardness and blunt words are often more realistic than my wishful thinking. He likes to see the whole picture of things. He's honest with who he is, and he isn't afraid to show it. So much about him I knew, and so much about me I wanted to share.
Scott finally looked away from his food.
"What are you looking at?"
"I was just thinking how I should thank you," I replied, with my face resting on the palm of my hand. "Or did you forget you helped save me?"
"Like I said, man, it was nothing. I'm just embarrassed I was in my weakened state. Those bastards would have had another thing coming if I was at my prime."
"Sure, buddy," I said in a sarcastic tone.
"It's true. They would have." He was almost pouting.
This is it. Now see if you can draw him in.
"Yeah, overall I think it was a great day. Besides the alley part, I had a great time."
He took a swig of his pop and looked at me. "Yeah, it was cool. Except when that bellboy fag tried to hit on us."
It was as if that word was now commonly used in his vocabulary. I was a bit angry, but I had him where I wanted him.
"He was a nice guy, and he didn't really try to hit on us. He was just being friendly."
He seemed a bit angry, too. "How couldn't you see it? He was clearly a cocksucker faggot. Those people are disgusting. How can… "
"Scott, don't use words like that. They're people, too. What makes you hate them so much? This isn't like you, man."
"I don't know. I just hate those people. It doesn't make sense to me. How can two guys… you know… fuck each other? It's not right. It's not meant to be," he said, a bit more on the calm side.
"Yeah, but it's their natural orientation, right? I mean, it's not like you're gonna be watching them screw. Sure, maybe a few who aren't shy are gonna wonder if you're interested in them or not, but… I just don't want you to become a basher, you know? You're better than that. When you say those words, you say them with disgust and anger."
"But it's wrong!"
"Let me finish. I know you mean it in a joking way when you play pranks and stuff, but this is different. What if later on your anger towards gay people becomes more direct? You know how much I hate bullies, and you know how much I can't stand people ganging up on other people. I just don't want to see you do that. I won't stand for it." My eyes told him I wasn't lying. I wasn't going to let my friend be a basher.
Scott looked at me seriously as well. "I'm not going to beat up on gay people. I don't understand it, and I don't like it, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna kill them. I may say some crude things, but that's as far as it will go."
"It's those crude things that bother me. You're lucky no one heard you say those words you said a minute ago. What if someone who's gay overheard you? How would that make them feel? They already have to deal with hiding who they are, because they gotta worry that someone like you is going to hunt them out. Those words hurt, man. You don't have to understand it, just respect them."
"Why are you so uptight about what happens to them? Why do you care what happens to them?" he asked. His face wore a mask of surprise and at the same time, hardness.
"If I don't care, who will? Think about how many of them are out there. They don't know who is or who isn't also gay, because bigots make them have to hide their true selves. They live their lives in fear. That's not right."
"Well, I won't attack them. I might look down on someone who's gay, but I won't say anything to their face. And I still don't approve of it."
"You don't have too. Just respect them."
He looked at me and grinned. "You're always the one to look out for anyone who's in trouble. Remember Brad Canning?"
How could I forget? It was the first time I got suspended. A kid was being picked on by five kids his own age who were bigger than him. We were in grade 7 and they were in grade 8. I somehow dragged Jett, Scott, and Shin into the fight and turned it into an all-out brawl. We won, of course. Our prize was a three-day suspension and a boost in pride. It was a shame, though. Brad moved away after the incident. He had kept the bullying to himself as long as he could, but when it finally came to light after the fight, his parents thought it was better for them move.
"Yeah, I hope the little guy is doing all right where he is. He deserves the best," I said.
"True. Maybe he'll come by sometime and thank us for taking those hits for him. Talk about cold. He just packed up and left. Is that what you gain from sticking up for people?"
"I feel better about myself every day. It's better than just watching it happen and doing nothing. Plus, it made us more popular, right?" I joked.
"For you, maybe. The three of us were just branded as your underlings or lackeys." He grinned.
"You know you guys are more than that."
"I know. Just jostling with ya. Let's get going. Bell's about to ring."
Overall, I had to say the day was going great. I had fixed things up with Jett. I had a personal talk with Scott and sorted out some issues. Shin isn't really a concern. I know he would be supportive of me. I was happy when I went to my final class of the day, phys ed, with Jett and Kayden.
When I walked in I saw Jett openly speaking with Kayden. Both seemed to be in good moods. Jett was laughing while Kayden talked. Kayden's smile was grand. I love it the way his smile makes me weak. I had a hard time walking straight but made my best effort.
"Yo… Jett, Kade!" I called out. They both turned to me and smiled. What a sight. My best friend and the boy of my dreams, both really good looking. Jett's like a brother, though. Although we shared a kiss, it was nothing more than an experiment to either of us. I know and understand that. I don't regret it. Kayden, though… Wow. Everything I ever wanted in a guy.
His past is haunting, but I want to be there for him. I have the feeling he has something for me, as much as I have something for him. We haven't talked about that embarrassing moment when I realized he kissed me. I want to make my move soon. Maybe claim my man. It feels good to think about that.
We started off with a few warm-up laps around the gym, Jett easily taking the lead. I held back for a reason. I'm a faster runner than Jett, but he always seems to be in a competing mood. He shows that side best when he plays hockey.
I stayed behind knowing Kayden would be right beside me. We went at a decent pace while other runners fell behind us. I spoke without turning to him, "Come over today?"
"Sure."
We continued to run. My face was feeling red. I was wondering what might develop. Kayden just wore a wild grin. I was glad we were wearing long t-shirts. They hide your state real well. I wanted to kick him for making me feel like that in public. It's not like he meant to, but still. It made running a lot harder.
"So, uh… do you want something to drink, or something?" I asked nervously.
Kayden replied in an equally nervous tone, "Umm… no thanks. Well, yeah. Can I have water?"
"W-water? Sure, I'll be right back," I stuttered.
I made my way to the kitchen. I stared at the sink for a minute, trying to calm my senses. I ran a glass of water from the purified tap. I was too nervous. I ran my hands under warm water and splashed some on my face. I stared out the window over the sink. The rows of different flowers that bloomed on the glass rack stared back at me. It was as if they were cheering for me, telling me to make my move.
Why am I so nervous? I know he has feelings for me. That's what that kiss meant, right? What if he was just acting like Jett, wanting to try it out? What if he didn't like it? NO, he wouldn't be here if it meant that. He seems nervous. We're both in the same boat. This is something new for both of us.
I took the glass of water and gulped it down. Damn, that was supposed to be for Kayden. I stood there frowning at the glass.
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Shit! Grab a hold of yourself you stupid idiot. Remain calm. He likes you. Right? Or maybe he doesn't. He didn't return the kiss. You just took it.
"Dammit! I don't know whether he was angry, shocked, or neither. I thought he was asleep when it kissed him," I whispered in frustration.
I was alone in Zac's living room, staring at everything but seeing nothing. I had to calm down.
Remember what Rick said. “Find that void in yourself and jump inside it. From there work your way out. In a state of peacefulness you can overcome great obstacles.”
I closed my eyes, trying to find the void. I imagined my surroundings disappearing one by one until I was left in total darkness. I eased my breath until I could hear my heartbeat. I opened my mind to calming thoughts. I imagined the wind blowing in an open field of green. The warm sun hanging lazily over the grassland. A simple rock in the middle of nowhere. I could feel the warm rays, feel the calming breeze. Everything was visible. The grass, the sun, Zac's smile… Zac's smile? What the hell?
I stumbled out of the void feeling annoyed. My face was burning and I could feel my heart beating faster than I ever knew was possible.
Void, my ass. Shit, I'm even more nervous. What am I doing here?
I paced around the room trying to disperse the heat from my face. When I saw that was doing nothing, I literally jumped up and down in frustration.
Why does he make me feel this way? Arrgh! I want him so bad. He's so great. He's got a perfect face. I love his honesty and his kindness. His body is perfect. Not too tall, but not short. His wavy brown hair, those glowing brown-golden eyes, his warm voice... everything about him makes me want to scream.
I realized I was blushing again and began to pace around the room until I grew tired of that. I suddenly realized I had been pacing around for more than five minutes and that Zac hadn't returned. I wondered if everything was all right. I made my way to the kitchen, silencing my footsteps.
It was like I had discovered the lost ark. Zac stood staring at some flowers in front of him. He gently reached out and touched the petal of a red blooming orchid. The sun created a gentle glow around him. He was bathed in light as he gently caressed the piece of nature between his soft fingers. I knew he was smiling. The empty glass told me he had used the water for himself. Before I knew what was happening, I let go. With ease and stealth, I walked towards him, no longer feeling scared or nervous, just knowing what I wanted and what I had to do.
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I stared blankly outside. The sun was shining in on me. Suddenly I felt peace within my heart. Any sense of nervousness or anxiety I had felt was replaced by calming thoughts. I took in a clear breath, closing my eyes to embrace the calmness.
I sensed someone creeping up behind me and then felt arms gently wrapping around my waist. I could feel a warm body pressed against mine. Something nuzzling at my neck. Air, or someone's breath. I knew who it was. I closed my eyes and let Kayden breathe me in. I slowly brought my hands up and closed them over his, on my stomach. A warm, painful, yet sensual feeling attacked the nape of my neck. It was wet. I melted in his arms as he rested his head on my shoulder. I turned my head, facing him. His eyes were blue, crystal clear, and moistened. They stared into my own eyes. As I inched my face closer to him I closed my eyes, and I felt his mouth over mine. A million emotions erupted at that instant. I breathed in all I could of him. I could smell his shampoo, his soap. Our lips locked while we explored each other. His arms gripped me tightly but gently. I tasted Kayden for the first time, and it was amazing. The taste of him danced in my mouth. The kiss with Jett had been nothing, compared to this. I could feel Kayden's lust for me. Everything I received from him was more than I expected. His smells, his taste, the feeling of his arms around me, were all too much. I was in overdrive, my feelings overtaking reason.
I spun around as he released his arms from me. I grabbed his right hand as our mouths continued to explore. I moved him backwards and pinned him against the kitchen wall. I held his right hand to the wall above his head as I pulled him close to me with my other arm. I broke our kiss as I made my way to his neck.
At first I felt him shudder, then moan, as I lifted my lips to his ear. I breathlessly whispered, "I've never felt this way before. You make me feel right. I need you."
His voice echoed in my ear, " And I need you. I think I love you."
"I know I love you," I replied with a smile. I rested my head on his shoulder, his body still pinned between the wall and me.
"I think I found the answer, Rick," he whispered.
I pulled back and looked at the boy I love. His eyes were glistening, as he let the tears fall freely.
He looked at me with a sad but happy smile. "The reason why these things happen. I understand it now, everything. All that I went through. It was to lead me here, to you." As more tears flowed, I pulled him closer to me. His face buried into my chest.
My heart cried out hymns of happiness. I was holding in my arms the boy who had captured my heart. It didn't matter that Kayden had run away. It didn't matter that he was hiding his past. Nothing mattered. This boy had struggled for a long time. When was the last time he was able to really let everything go? Rick had been there for him. Now, I will be.
END OF CHAPTER 6
© 2004 Ryan Keith
BONUS!!!!!!!!!
Heeeeeey!!! Welcome to the Ryan Keith Corner^^ This might be a new thing.
Once in a while I might have a piece of poetry or something cool to post up.
This one is a very cool poem from a special person who gave it to me on Valentine's Day^^. I wanted to share. Enjoy, let me know what you think^^.
Forever Yours
by Keith ______, February 14, 2004
Do you remember?
Those words I swore my life to.
We knew so little, but it didn't matter.
The feelings were heartfelt, our words were honest.
No matter what happens,
The two hands will never part.
Everything fades into memories,
But this will last forever.
You gave life meaning,
I discovered a world I never knew.
I felt every emotion,
Love and hate; a line so finely drawn.
You've put me though so much,
And we found ourselves changing,
If I could have it any other way,
I would go through it again just to find you.
When I see you, I see everything,
Hopes, dreams, a future.
You do so much with just your smile; smile for me.
I could live for a thousand years and find no other.
At times I feel weak,
But you give me strength.
This world is harsh,
But you are my comfort.
I dream about you,
You find me in my sleep.
Everywhere I go,
I find your love waiting for me.
Your broad back protects me,
Hold me tight; I feel complete.
I offer you this;
The requiem of love,
Tomorrow will bring a new day,
And tonight, it's only you and me.
I offer my love to no other.
You have the best of me.
You are forever a jewel in my heart.
Here you guys go^^ A sort of late Valentine's gift from me to you. I hope
you all enjoyed this latest installment^^ Keep them E-mail's coming. I write
to read your e-mails^^ It's the most satisfying part of writing^^ Hehe. I
answer all e-mails. If I haven't then I am truly sorry. For some people, I
can't reply, and my message is returned to me. If you are one of these
people, then I am truly sorry, I did get your mail, and I really appreciate
it. If you can send again, I'll try to reply again. E-mail is
thanks to two special people who helped make this chap possible with their
kick-ass editing^^ Booyeah to both Drake and Dewey, both who are very, very
talented writers^ Check em out, they are great^^
Special thanks to Aaron of www.themailcrew.com. The dude is gold. He makes these stories near perfect with his great editing skills. Their site has my latest chapters first, so be sure to check it out^. Cheerz guys^^.
Anyways, latez to everyone, and hope to send you the next installment, as
soon as I can^^