Barrett

by Richard Norway

norway.r2@gmail.com

I was alone on this warm sunny summer day. I knew why I was here, so I picked up a few small wooden sticks before I ventured out onto the sandy beach. Just before that, I had Iooked around me in all directions to make sure I was alone; nobody I knew was in sight anywhere. I finally felt safe. I slowly walked from where I started halfway to the water’s edge and then spread my beach blanket on the sand and popped my butt on the blanket. I knew what I was going to do. I used my hands to remove a layer of dried sand until I reached the moisture below. The moist sand was ideal for sticking together so I could build things. I then made a small hole with my index finger and framed it with small sticks so that it looked like the entrance to a mine shaft. I looked at my endeavor knowing the blackness of the mine was calling me. That blackness was where I belonged because of the rejection I felt from Billy. Billy had been my best friend. It started when I had my head up my ass thinking that because of our long-lasting friendship, I had permission to kiss him. I tried to kiss him only two hours ago on the very spot where I was now lying. Billy was appalled and pushed me away from himself so hard that I fell backward, and I just stared up at him. I continued lying on the sand and watched Billy run away from me crying. I knew from what had just happened, my life with my best friend had come to a screeching halt. Billy now wanted nothing to do with me.

The next day, I looked for Billy to try to talk to him and eventually saw him in the hallway at school in front of me. When I tried to catch up with him, he saw me and ducked into a classroom. I knew he was trying to avoid me because the classroom he ducked into wasn’t one of his classes. I was feeling his rejection of me, so I continued my way to my class with my head lowered watching only the floor tiles pass by under my shoes. I didn’t go to any of my classes the rest of the day; I just walked home instead. My mother asked me why I was home so early. I told her, “I just had a bad day at school, so I’m going to my room to work on some homework,” I didn’t care if she believed me or not and then went upstairs and threw myself on my bed. I was in no mood to actually do any homework. I spent my time thinking about Billy and what a fuckup I am.

Billy and our breakup were on my mind all evening and I eventually dozed off thinking about him and what he might be feeling about himself and me. I really didn’t want our friendship to end and felt like kicking myself in the ass for being so self-centered to allow this to happen. My next class with Billy was gym, but he never showed up. I asked our coach if he knew where Billy was, and he told me Billy’s mother had called that Billy was not feeling well, and she was keeping him home for a couple of days. I knew that was bullshit because Billy is extremely healthy and never gets sick. I began wondering why Billy was purposely avoiding me. Was it my fault for kissing him or was it that he truly wanted to end our friendship? Just the thought of that forced me to flood my cheeks with tears. I then speculated on how difficult it would be to just end how I was feeling by committing suicide. To have no more feelings.

Yes, I finally admitted to myself that I had long hidden feelings for Billy. Then I realized that I had never told him that I loved him. Was I IN love with him? That thought made me think. I was pretty sure I’d always been in love with him but never had the balls to tell him.

“Barrett?” I heard my mom ask through my bedroom door.

“It’s open. Come on in,” I said back to her.

“Barrett, Billy is here and would like to talk to you,” she said.

I jumped from my bed but kept my feet on the floor waiting to see him again. I knew he was going to have a few choice words for me.

Billy walked into my room with his head lowered and sat in my desk chair and eventually looked up at me. I then noticed that he had been crying. His thumb was still wiping tears off his cheeks.

“Are you alright, Billy?” I asked him.

“No,” he forcefully said as his eyes met mine. “Barrett, do you have any idea what you did to me when you kissed me?”

I knew the scolding was about to start so I lowered my head and didn’t answer him.

“Barrett, you threw my life into shambles,”

“I’m sorry Billy. I didn’t mean to do that to you,” I said sheepishly.

“I’ve given what you did to me a lot of thought, and I’ve finally came to realize who I am and what you truly mean to me.”

I looked at him completely puzzled now.

“What’s going on Billy?” I asked him.

“What’s going on is me realizing how much I liked your kiss, and had to ask myself why I liked it so much, and I could only come up with one answer,” he said.

“And?” I questioned.

Billy lowered his head for a moment before looking back up at me.

“Barrett, would you kiss me again?” he asked.

THE END