Bryce

The Second Semester

Chapter 36 - Easter Part II

            After the long liturgy of the Easter Vigil, it was well past one in the morning when Bryce and Damon arrived back at their dorm.  Even so, Bryce was extremely excited by Damon’s announcement that he was considering joining the Catholic Church.  The lovers talked for several hours about that, with Damon making it clear that he was considering this move, but was not yet certain.  He and Bryce would have to talk it over some, and perhaps seek additional sources of information, before anything could be definite.  As Bryce pointed out, however, they had a full year.  Unless one were in danger of death, or for some other serious reason, one was not admitted to the Church just any old time.  The usual process involved a series of classes, called the Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults, or RCIA, beginning in the fall and lasting until Easter.  It would be this time next year before Damon could be received.  This lengthy process was to ensure that the prospective member, or catechumen, knew what was involved, and was serious in his or her desire to become Catholic.  Only after they had exhausted this topic, amid much hugging, did the two fall asleep.

            It was, consequently, nearly noon when they rejoined the land of the living, feeling the pangs of hunger.  The Easter Vigil threw off their normal Sunday schedule, but, arising so late they could almost eat at their normal time for Sunday dinner.  They would not have the company of the Sandovals, however, and the Olive Garden would most likely be packed on Easter morning.  Nonetheless, they set off for this, their usual Sunday midday eating place.  Upon arrival, they were recognized by the receptionist, who asked about the rest of their party.  They had to inform her that there would only be the two of them today.  It seemed odd to be dining at the Olive Garden at more or less the usual time on a Sunday morning, but without their friends.  Over their meal, whether it was breakfast or lunch, Bryce and Damon again discussed the possibility of Damon becoming Catholic.

            Damon reminded Bryce that he had never really belonged to any church or religion.  Growing up in the predominantly black section of the projects of Chicago, he seemed to have only two choices, a religion which was almost entirely emotional, with loud shouts and weeping, or else nothing.  Until encountering Bryce, it had not even occurred to him that religion could be something one thought about.  Besides, among his peers it was not cool to go to church.  That was something women and small children did.  Somehow, religion was seen as a sign of weakness.

            Bryce agreed, to some extent.  Accepting the Catholic Church, or any other religion, did involve accepting the idea that one was not entirely self-sufficient.  In that sense, it did mean recognizing a certain dependency on some power or authority greater than one’s self.  If that were a weakness, so be it.  As far as he was concerned, Bryce said, it was merely recognizing reality.  “But,” he insisted, “there is nothing soft about the Catholic Church.  Joining does not mean giving up your individuality, nor does it mean becoming a mere follower.  Being Catholic, if you take it seriously, is not easy.”

            “I didn’t mean to say it was,” Damon replied.  “I’ve seen you struggle with your religion, almost from the first day I met you.”

            “I’ve been fortunate, I guess,” Bryce mused, “or maybe it’s unfortunate.  In any case, I now realize I was given a pretty good foundation in the Faith.  I have a decent idea of what the Church actually teaches, and how it operates.  I have come across quite a few since arriving here in Clifton who have only what I think of as pap and pablum Catholicism.  All through their formative years, they were taught nothing except the vague, feel-good approach.  You know: love everybody, help the poor, be good.  Warm fuzzies.  Well, there’s nothing wrong with that, of course, but by the time you get to high school, at least, it’s obvious to anyone with even half a brain that that is not sufficient as a guide to making the hard decisions in life.  You can’t make adult decisions based on a Kindergarten religion.  I said I was fortunate because at least I know that you have to use your brain to deal with the realities life throws at you.  Catholicism, as I understand it, requires some serious thought.”

            “I admit I made up my mind to explore the possibility of joining as a result of the emotional experiences of this past week,” Damon said.  “But I don’t think I could have come to that conclusion had I not heard you discuss your religion with others, and seen it in practice, over the entire time since last fall.”

            “It’s nice to know that my example has not been entirely negative,” Bryce joked, inserting a bit of humor into the discussion.

            “That’s something else,” Damon said.  “You always seem to be able to joke about things, even things you take very seriously.”

            “Remember when we first began to make love to each other, you said something like that.  Something like you never laughed while having sex before,” Bryce reminded his partner.

            “Yeah!” Damon recalled.  “Yeah, that does kind of fit.”

            “As I see it, God wants us to be happy.  After all, God loves us, just like my mom loves me, and wants me to be happy.  We are unhappy when we screw up, and try to find happiness in things which cannot deliver.  We’re unhappy when we get our priorities wrong, and make some temporal attraction into our god.  We’re unhappy when our god is money, or power, or fame, or even sex.  In a way, all those things are really just manifestations of our own egos.  Deep down, we know we’re not God, but when we try to make ourselves into little gods, it’s bound to make us unhappy.  Those things never satisfy in the long run.  Either we never get enough, and are always running after more, or else we get so much we become jaded and hard.  But they do not bring any lasting happiness.  Not that there’s anything wrong with money or power or fame.  And I certainly don’t think there’s anything wrong with sex.  Like I told Kathy last Sunday, I think sex is one of the greatest gifts God gave us.  But we can truly enjoy these things only when we get our priorities straight.  We can’t let these lesser things dominate our entire lives.  We have to recognize the limited nature of these things, and where they fit into a greater reality.  Then we can enjoy them, and be happy.   It’s like Jesus told his disciples, ‘Seek first the Kingdom of Heaven, and all these things will be given to you.’  It’s a ‘both/and’ situation rather than an ‘either/or’ one.”

            “You always have an answer,” Damon commented.

            “No.  Lots of times I have to search for my answers.  But I have a good starting place to begin my search.  It’s like anything else.  If you start off in the wrong direction, you’ll never reach your goal,” Bryce replied.

            “I think we’ll have some interesting discussions in the days to come, anyway,” Damon concluded, as they left the restaurant and returned to their dorm rooms.

            They discussed whether to tell Bryce’s mother about Damon’s decision, or semi-decision, when they talked that afternoon.  After a while, they decided not to mention it.  If it turned out that Damon went through with it, there would be plenty of time before next Easter, and if for some reason he decided he could not make the commitment, this would avoid any awkward repercussions in his relations with the Winslow family.  Consequently, when they did speak with Martha, it was only about how much they enjoyed the liturgies at St. Boniface, and appreciated the presence of Father Fenwick rather than Father Payne as chief celebrant.

            As the two approached the apartment building where DeShawn and Malcolm lived, they were amused to see the two boys standing on the sidewalk wearing rabbits’ ears.  When the boys got in the car, Bryce asked, “What’s the idea of the big ears?  Did your moms make you wear them for not paying attention?”

            Damon moaned at the poor joke.

            “There was an Easter Egg Hunt at the Community Center this afternoon, right after lunch,” DeShawn informed Bryce.  “We went and helped with the little kids, and wore these because we were the Easter Bunny’s helpers.”

            “Well good for you,” Bryce congratulated them.  “I’m really impressed.  First you help the little kids at the Easter Egg Hunt, and now you’re off to help the old folks at the shelter house.  You guys are something else.”

            They exchanged high fives.  The boys clearly appreciated the accolades.  But Malcolm pointed out, “Some of the people at the shelter house are not all that old.”

            “No, they’re not,” Bryce admitted, “but they all need help.  I think they would enjoy seeing you guys in your rabbit ears.  Do you think you can stand being apart long enough to come in, one at a time, and show off a bit, even before it’s time for you to eat?”

            The two boys exchanged glances.  “You bet!” DeShawn agreed.

            At the shelter house, Bryce and Damon went directly inside, where they informed Deacon Jeffers of their plans for the boys.  He thought that was a good idea.  “Maybe it will give some of the folks a good laugh,” he decided.  “I don’t think some of them have laughed in years.”

            “Yeah,” Damon declared.  “After all, God wants us to be happy.”  As he said this, he gave Bryce a sideways look.  Bryce grinned and poked him.  The Deacon took him very seriously, however.  “You’re right, Damon.  It really bothers me that some of these people have no laughter in their lives, and no God in their lives.”

            That gave Bryce an idea for next week, which he later discussed with the Deacon and Damon.

            About an hour after arriving, with all the preparations completed, the doors to the soup kitchen were opened, and a line of people began to move through the serving section.  As they did, the backdoor opened, and DeShawn came in wearing his rabbit ears.  He went up to an elderly woman in the serving line, and wrinkled his nose at her.  “Eh, got any good lettuce there?” he asked.  “Or maybe a hard boiled egg?  On Easter, I do eggs, too.”

            The woman was so surprised she said nothing at first, but then broke out laughing.    There were, in fact, decorated Easter eggs among the choices, so she picked up one and handed it to DeShawn.  “Here, little Bunny.  Have a nice Easter,” she said.

            In this way, DeShawn and Malcolm took turns entertaining the customers until it was their turn to eat.  There were, of course, special items besides the eggs to celebrate Easter, so everyone seemed to be having a good time.  All except one man, who decided to take offense at the main course being ham, even though there were alternatives if he chose not to have ham.  When Bryce attempted to explain that ham was a traditional Easter meal, he replied that ham and Easter would both go to hell.  They ignored him after that.  The efforts of the two boys to lighten the day were especially appreciated.  When it was time for them to eat, they came together, while Damon went out to keep an eye on the car.  Deacon Jeffers said, “I would like to especially thank our entertainment this afternoon, DeShawn Quinlan and Malcolm Burgess.”  The room exploded in applause to the embarrassment of the boys, but also to their great pleasure.  They wiggled their bunny ears at the assembly.

            Back in the dorm, Damon decided it was time for him to begin exploring some of the questions he had about Catholicism.  He had been attending at St. Boniface with Bryce since early last semester, and had sat in on some of Bryce’s discussions with others, but he had a number of questions he wanted addressed directly.

            “Hey, Boyfriend!  How about my first lesson in being a Catholic?” Damon began.

            “Always glad to help with something like that, but remember what I said this morning.  I had a good background, but I don’t know everything.  I had to go to Father Miller last semester to get straightened out on a few points myself,” Bryce replied.

            “Let’s try this one,” Damon proposed.  “You guys really believe that when you go to communion you’re getting Jesus somehow, don’t you?  I don’t get that.”

            “Not surprising,” Bryce admitted.  “It runs completely counter to what we would expect from just our everyday experiences.  In fact, I don’t think there’s any way you could prove that doctrine except by simple faith.  A chemical analysis of the species would not show any difference between before and after the consecration.  I believe it not because I can explain it, but because Jesus said so.  At his last supper with his apostles, he gave them bread and wine, and told them it was his body and blood, and then told them to do the same thing in his memory.”

            “Yeah, I remember that from Thursday.  But if I understand correctly, not all Christians believe that,” Damon said.

            “You’re right.  Most Protestants do not believe in what we call the real presence of Jesus in the Eucharist.  I can understand that with the so-called mainstream Protestants.  You know, the Episcopalians and Presbyterians and Methodists and the like.  What I have never understood is why the fundamentalists don’t believe it.  They are the ones who insist on a literal reading of the Bible, and it’s kind of hard to get any other meaning from the words of Jesus than real presence.  The institution of the Eucharist is reported in the three so-called synoptic Gospels, that is, Matthew, Mark, and Luke, and in St. Paul’s First Epistle to the Corinthians.  In addition, there is a kind of prediction or preview in Jesus’ words reported in the sixth chapter of the Gospel According to St. John.  They all say pretty much the same thing.  But for some reason not immediately apparent to the outsider, the fundamentalists have decided not to take a literal interpretation in this instance.”

            “How can it be that all those little pieces of bread, and all those cups of wine, actually become the body and blood of Jesus?  That doesn’t make sense,” Damon declared.  “Besides, you Catholics have been doing this for a long time, and all over the world.  Put them all together, and you have a really huge amount of bread and wine making up Jesus.”

            “Like I said, it does not make sense in any purely materialistic or scientific sense.  I can’t give you a scientific answer, and I don’t think one is possible.  It’s a miracle, and only because God is the master of all creation can it be as he said.  I believe this because Jesus said so, and this is the interpretation of Jesus’ words which have been taught by the Church from the beginning.  I’d have to check with Father Miller or someone for specific instances, but I do remember being taught that there are many references to the Eucharist in the writings of the Church Fathers, and none of them say this is a purely symbolical service.  In fact, I seem to remember reading that the ancient Romans accused the Christians of cannibalism when they learned something about this belief, and even in defending themselves against those accusations, the Christians did not deny real presence, but said what I have to say: it’s a miracle and a mystery, but I believe it.  Over the centuries, the Church has defined this belief in terms which the dominant philosophy of the age understood, such as the proclamation by the Fourth Lateran Council in 1215 concerning transubstantiation, but the basic underlying belief remains the same.  Jesus is really and truly and physically present in the communion.”

            Bryce took a moment to check the internet, then cited St. Ignatius of Antioch, who was martyred in 106 A.D., as saying that the Eucharist is “the flesh of Jesus Christ.”  He did so in order to rebut the accusations of some that the doctrine was invented in the Middle Ages, just because the word “transubstantiation” was not used until then.

            “Even if this is what Jesus really meant, I don’t understand why he would have done such a thing,” Damon said.

            “Because he loves us,” Bryce answered.

            “Explain,” Damon insisted.

            “I think you saw, on Good Friday, one manifestation of God’s love for humanity, in that the divine Son of God allowed himself to be tortured and killed in order to allow us access to heaven.  But that is not the only way God, in the person of Jesus, showed his love.  Now, I don’t know why God loves us.  To me, that is at least as great a mystery as the doctrine of real presence.  But the Bible is pretty clear on that point.  Even though we don’t deserve it, God loves us.  If you love someone, you want to be near that person.  So, when Jesus ascended to heaven, he left a way for us to still be near him in a very real, physical sense.  Not just symbolically.  Not just emotionally.  Not just in our minds or imaginations, but really.  He left us a way to actually touch his body and blood.  In fact, he went further.  He left us a way for him to become merged with each of us for a time.  We can take him into our own bodies.  We can be more intimate with him than with even members of our own families.  For a time, after reception of the Blessed Sacrament, Jesus is actually inside me, and merges into me.  I don’t understand it.  I can’t explain it.  But I know it’s true.  I have experienced him in me.  Personal experience is more authoritative than any theory or formula.  I know Jesus is present.”

            “I like this bit about love.  You keep bringing it up.  But a lot of the Christians I ran across in the past seemed to be more interested in a God who gives orders and punishes those who disobey them,” Damon protested.

            “I know.  That’s a real shame.  In my opinion, that completely twists the message of Jesus.  I think it goes back to the influence of the Manichees, which we never quite succeeded in getting rid of,” Bryce said.

            “Now stop right there.  I don’t want to hear about Manichees or manatees or Mandarins or praying mantises or any of those other foreign things you keep talking about,” Damon protested.

            Bryce was stopped in mid thought, then burst out laughing at his partner’s take on the minutiae of ecclesiastical history.

            “You’re right.  I get too involved in the history and theology.  Mind you, they’re important when it comes to fully understanding the position of the Church, but I guess we can do without them for now,” Bryce conceded.

            “Can you give me one good example of what you’re talking about?  One I can relate to?” Damon pled.

            Bryce thought.  A mischievous smile encircled his lips.  “The bishops would definitely not like this analogy,” he admitted, “but think of what happens when you and I make love.  Most of the time, this involves sex, and the sex involved is oral.  When we achieve our most intense union, I swallow your cum and you swallow mine.  For a while, part of you is in me, and part of me is in you.  We merge, in a way.  We don’t lose our individual identity, but we become closer, a more perfect union, to steal a phrase, after expressing our love by giving some of ourselves to each other.”

            “That I can understand,” Damon said.  “You’re saying that receiving communion is like sex.  Jesus leaves some of himself in you when you go to communion, just like I do when we have sex.”

            “The analogy is not perfect, but then, comparing the terrestrial and the eternal is never a perfect fit.  But essentially yes, that’s what I think.  Jesus is making love to us in the Eucharist, like I make love to you when we have sex.  It is the most intimate thing one person can do with another, which is why it is so very special, and should not be squandered.  In the same way, receiving Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament is the most intimate way we can relate to him, which is why it is not given to those who do not believe.  Giving the Sacrament to a non-believer is like having sex with a stranger.  The bishops are fond of using the phrase ‘inherently disordered,’ but if there is anything inherently disordered it is blaspheming Jesus by receiving the Sacrament without believing.”

            “Don’t get off on another rip of yours,” Damon admonished.  “I get the idea, and I have no problem just getting a blessing in church.  But what you say makes a weird kind of sense, and makes me really want to experience this intimate union with Jesus you talk about.”

            “I’m glad.  You know this really, really turns me on.  You are the most special person in my life, and I want with every fibre of my being to be as close to you as possible.  I have not tried to push you towards the Church because I believe that converting without truly believing is not honest, and, in fact, is a worse spiritual condition than open disbelief.  But if you can believe, it would make me very, very happy,” Bryce said.

            “I like what you say so far, but there are other questions I have,” Damon began.

            Bryce interrupted, “What?  Let’s hear them.”

            “No.  I need time to absorb these things.  I was going to say, I have other questions, but let’s put them aside for now, and get into some of that intimacy you were talking about.”