Bryce

The Second Semester

Chapter 16 - Thank You

            Saturday evening was the time allotted for the jazz concert at the Stephen Collins Foster Memorial Auditorium, where Jason Todd and his combo would perform.  This was eagerly anticipated by Damon, whereas Bryce went because of his boyfriend, and because he had promised Jason he would come.  He realized that in any partnership it was necessary to be flexible.  If one only did the things one particularly enjoyed, and one’s partner did the same, that would significantly reduce the time and the experiences the two could share, and consequently reduce the quality of the relationship.  Besides, it was not as though he disliked jazz.  It was just not one of his favorite types of music.

            As they entered the auditorium, Damon was deep in conversation with Caroline Koehler about the program offered that evening.  Not wanting to be left out, Bryce said, “There’s a lot of improvisation in jazz, isn’t there?”

            The other two stopped and looked at him.  It was as though he had said there’s a lot of oxygen in the air we breathe.  It was difficult of come up with a response.

            “Yeah,” Damon finally hazarded.  “And syncopation, blue notes, and polyrhythms, too.  All that is the African foundation for jazz.”

            “And improvisation is not unique to jazz,” Caroline added.  “In fact, not only Bach and Beethoven, but also your favorite Mozart included aspects of improvisation in their music.  Jazz combines European and African sources, so it is a uniquely American form of music.”

            “Oh,” Bryce said.  He decided it was better not to try to show off when he didn’t know what he was talking about.

            Damon and Caroline went back to their more informed discussion of the program.  This evening, the program featured works in the genre called “smooth jazz,” with selections popularized by such artists as Grover Washington Jr., Boney James, David Sanborn, and Freddie Hubbard.  They discussed whether this type of jazz represented a normal development of the style, or was a concession to less developed tastes.  Damon definitely preferred the classical forms from the first part of the twentieth century, but was willing to concede some merit in what he called weaker offspring.  Caroline was more all-encompassing in her approach.  Bryce stayed out of that discussion.

            However, he enjoyed the concert, as did his colleagues, and applauded vigorously when it ended.  There was something about it which seemed livelier, more energetic than he anticipated.  In particular, Jason really shone on his saxophone when he had an opportunity to solo.

            As the concert ended, many members of the audience took the opportunity to speak with the performers, who were gathering their instruments and music together.  Bryce noted that several of the other members of the group seemed to be congratulating Jason.  This was something he could do without fear of passing beyond the limits of his knowledge.  All three of them made their way down to the stage.

            When Jason saw Bryce and Damon, he disentangled himself from another admirer and met them as they approached.  “I did it!” he joyfully informed them.

            “You sure did, Jason.  That was a spectacular performance,” Bryce replied, pounding him on the back.

            “No.  What I mean is, I came out to the other members of the combo.  I was afraid of what their reaction might be, or how it might affect playing together,” David explained.

            “It sure did affect your performance,” Bryce insisted.  “You were brilliant.”

            “The guys accepted me!” Jason happily exclaimed, pursuing his own train of thought.  Then he began to chuckle, and moved on to a real laugh.  Before the others called the men in the white coats, he explained, “Jeremy, over there, said he didn’t care who I made out with, as long as I didn’t do it during the performance.”

            “Congratulations.  Both on your successful coming out, and on your performance,” Bryce said, again pounding his back.

            “I think I played better because I wasn’t worried about, you know, somehow slipping up and letting the others know.  I feel like I could float on a cloud.  A real weight is gone.  I am so thankful,” Jason went on.  He was so happy it almost brought tears to the eyes of not only Bryce, but Damon and Caroline as well, even though Caroline was not completely in on what had transpired.

            Leaving the auditorium and Caroline, Bryce and Damon retreated to Pat’s Tavern for a few beers before retiring.  As they settled in, Bryce returned to his moment of embarrassment before the concert began.

            “Improvisation means sort of making it up as you go, doesn’t it?” he asked Damon.

            “Right.”

            “But you can’t just make up anything, can you?  I mean, it kind of has to fit with the rest of the piece of music, doesn’t it?” Bryce asked.

            “Sure.  I’ve seen some pretty bad performances when one of the musicians didn’t have the feel for the piece, and threw in something that screwed it up.  That’s like when a dog starts singing along with a choir.  It might be funny, but it’s definitely not good music,” Damon agreed.

            “In that way, improvisation is a lot like life in general,” Bryce hazarded.  “You have to be ready to go with the flow, or you get all up-tight and tense, but if you’re too far out, all you do is create a lot of noise and annoy people.”

            Damon laughed.  “Campus philosopher, drink your beer,” he ordered.

            Bryce could not help but feel good after that joyous performance by Jason.  He realized later, when he was interacting on a very personal level with Damon, that the dark mood which had hovered over him for days seemed to have dissipated.  He quietly thanked God for Jason, and his successful coming out to his jazz group.  He always thanked God for Damon.

            Sunday mornings were leisurely in Bryce’s world.  At least, they were supposed to be, and most were.  This Sunday, he felt positive, a hangover from Jason’s joy of the evening before.  It’s odd how one person’s mood affects others.  The exuberant joy exhibited by Jason definitely affected Bryce, and for the better.  No gym this morning.  They slept late, then had a celebratory breakfast at IHOP, just because Bryce was feeling so much better than he had over the previous few days.

            Shortly before eleven, he and Damon arrived in the parking lot of St. Boniface Church, where, as they had done so often last semester, they encountered the Sandoval family.  There was another person with them this time, a young woman, who kept very close to Kyle.  Bryce remembered that last Sunday Mike had embarrassed his younger brother by mentioning that he had impregnated his girlfriend.  This must be the girlfriend.  She was a nice looking teenager, blonde, well put together.  Although it was cold, and they were all bundled up in tons of winter clothing, and she was kind of hanging on Kyle, there was still something strong and vital about the girl.

            Kyle attacked the situation head on.  “Hi, Bryce, Damon.  This is my girlfriend Kathy Collins.  Kathy, this is Bryce Winslow and Damon Watson.  They’re friends of my brother at the University.”

            The smile which Kathy showed upon greeting them reinforced Bryce’s initial impression.  This was a young lady with personality.  He quietly congratulated Kyle as they entered the church.

            They were in for another surprise.  Once again, the celebrant was not the pastor, Father Payne, but a visiting priest.  Evidently, the chancery was trying out several possibilities before announcing the new assignments, which would take effect in July.  It seemed a long way off, but then several people’s schedules had to be taken into consideration.  Bryce noticed only that the visiting priest seemed older than the previous one, and he flashed a smile which seemed to have a lot in common with Kathy’s.

            After the Introit, the entrance procession, and the processional hymn, the visitor introduced himself.  “Hello, everyone.  I’m Father Tim Fenwick.  I’m usually stationed at St. Elizabeth’s in Germantown, but I’ll be your celebrant this morning, while Father Payne is away.  Let us begin, In the name of the Father ...”

            All went smoothly.  Father Fenwick did not seem to have the same unease with the more elaborate and solemn liturgy at St. Boniface that Father Noonan had exhibited two weeks previously.  So far, so good.  Now, let’s see what he does with the sermon.  After the deacon proclaimed the Gospel, Father Fenwick replaced him at the ambo.

            “Just before Deacon Jeffers, the altar servers, and I began our procession to the alter, that young lady with the beautiful voice intoned the Introit prayer.  I am pleased to note that you at St. Boniface continue to observe that custom, as so many parishes have dropped it as not required by the new liturgical norms.  As she sang in Latin, though, you might have missed some of the message.  The Introit for today says, Adore God, all you his angels.  Zion heard and was glad, and the daughters of Judah rejoiced.  The Lord reigns, let all the earth rejoice, let the islands be glad.  That’s based on Psalm 97.  In today’s Gospel from St. Matthew, we heard of Jesus curing a leper, and then curing the servant of the centurion at Capharnaum.  Certainly, those people, the leper, the centurion, and the servant, had reason to rejoice.  But so do we!  We have reason to rejoice because our God loves us.  Every one of us.  It makes no sense.  How can God take time off from running the universe to love me and you and each and every one of us?  I don’t know.  I guess you’d have to be God to understand how he does it.  But we know that’s true, because he told us so, and God does not lie.  He told us so in the Sacred Scriptures, over and over.  Begin with Genesis, and you find that, when God created the earth and the sea and the sky and all the creatures which fill them, he saw that it was good, but when he created us, human beings, he saw that it was very good.  We’re special to God.  We are created in the image and likeness of God.  There is something in us that, when he looks at us, reflects himself back to God.  How can he not love someone who reflects himself?  We are special.  You, and you, and you, and me.  We’re all special in God’s eyes.

            “But God’s love for us goes beyond just creating us and giving us this wonderful earth to tend.  What did we just celebrate a month ago?  Once you get beyond the Santas and the Rudolphs and the Frostys and the commercialism, what did we celebrate?  The mocker will say we celebrated the winter solstice.  Now, I have nothing against the winter solstice, but I don’t feel like making a big deal about it, and throwing parties, and having great dinners, and exchanging presents with friends and family, just because the days will begin to get slightly longer from now on.  I am celebrating Emmanuel, God with us.  Yes, the early Church fixed the celebration of the Nativity near the time of the pagan rituals centered on the winter solstice.  Why?  It was to put in the place of those popular festivals something even more important than a longer day.  Something which would eventually blot out the pagan worship of nature, and put in its place the worship of the author of nature.  It does not matter on which day Jesus was actually born, or which year, even.  What matters is that our God came to us.

            “God so loves us that he was not content to simply sit back and wait for us to come to him.  No, he made the first move.  First, with the patriarchs and prophets of the Old Testament, but in an incomparably greater way with the birth of Jesus, God came to us.  In a way which passes human understanding, the Second Person of the Blessed Trinity became a human, just like you and me.  How could the infinite God condense himself into a human baby?  That’s another mystery, but not nearly as mysterious as the very fact that he wanted to do it in the first place.  God must think we are worth a great deal, if he was willing to become one of us.  Think of how much God must love us.  For God to become human is faintly like one of us becoming a toy soldier, or a doll, or a teddy bear.  The gulf between God and us is even greater than the gulf between one of us and a rag doll.  But God chose to cross that gulf, and become one of us.

            “What does this tell us about ourselves?  God took on flesh.  We humans are made of flesh and spirit, and Jesus took on real flesh and real spirit when he became human.  Today, in our post-Christian culture, we have no difficulty admiring the flesh.  It’s all around us.  Advertisers use human flesh to try to get us to buy auto tires or gardening tools, and we spend more on adorning the flesh than on any other aspect of our lives.  But that was not always the case.  In the days when Jesus walked the earth, there was a very strong belief that the flesh was evil, degenerate, something pulling us down.  If you look at all the early heresies, from Gnosticism to Arianism to Nestorianism and so on, you will find that the root of the problem was the inability of many people to accept the fact that God could have a real human body.  How could God, who is infinite goodness, take on something which was a negative?  In the minds of these people, spirit was good, flesh was bad, so how could God actually have taken on human flesh?  But he did.  As St. John tells us, The Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw his glory – glory as of the only begotten of the Father – full of grace and truth.  God was telling us that our flesh is holy.  Not only holy, but glorious.  Not the evil, negative force, pulling us down, proclaimed by the Zoroastrians and the Mithradists and the Manichees.  Not the absence, the negative, the lesser proclaimed by the Gnostics and the Arians.  No!  Jesus, God, the Second Person of the Blessed Trinity, took on human flesh to show us that what he had created was very good.  And we participate in that goodness.  In his First Epistle to the Corinthians St Paul asks, Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ?, and a little later he writes, Do you not know that your members are the temple of the Holy Spirit?  God loves us.  He made us the way we are, a combination of flesh and spirit, and so we should also love each other and ourselves.

            “Contrary to what the Judaizers and the Gnostics thought, this is not a secret knowledge, available only to the elite, the elect, the special few.  No.  This message from our God is for everyone.  That is the message of the Feast of the Epiphany.  Not just the Jewish shepherds on the Judean hillside, but also the Gentile magi were given the good news that God had come among us.  We don’t know much about those visitors from the East.  They are mentioned only in St. Matthew’s Gospel.  Later traditions in the West made them kings.  I love the carol “We Three Kings of Orient,” but the magi were not kings.  We gave them names: Balthasar, Melchior, and Caspar.  But we don’t know what their real names were, or even how many there were.  We made them Asian, European, and African, but the magi were all Persians.  Of all our creative legends, however, this one contains the most truth.  The magi represent all of humanity.  God manifested himself to all of humanity.  That’s what the word ‘epiphany’ means –  manifestation, revelation.  Look at me, world, here I am!

            “And so, we are called to rejoice.  Knowing how much our God loves us, we have good reason to rejoice.  Perhaps the greatest heresy of all is the idea that to be a Christian you have to be sad and serious all the time.  You all have come across, I’m sure, the motto which was popular in the late seventies: if it feels good, do it.  But before that, and still in many hearts, there is a counter motto which says: if it feels good, it must be sinful.  That’s the real heresy!  That’s not Christianity!  That’s the left overs, the dregs, of those early heresies.  That’s the influence of Zoroaster and Mani, not of Jesus.

            “Verbum caro factum est - the Word was made flesh.  God so loved us that he became one of us, in order to save us from our foolishness.  We have great reason to rejoice and be glad.  As the psalmist says, Let all the earth rejoice and be glad.”

            With that, Father Fenwick descended from the ambo, and sat for a moment, allowing his message to sink in.  Then he stood and began the Nicene Creed, that joyful proclamation of the equality of Jesus the God-man with God the Father, God from God, Light from Light, true God from true God.  This “true God” was incarnate by the Holy Spirit of the Virgin Mary, and became man.  In the Latin, which remains the standard by which all vernaculars are judged, the Creed states that Jesus incarnatus est de Spiritu Sancto ex Maria Virgine, et homo factus est.  Bryce meditated on these words.  God was incarnate.  Incarnate.  From the Latin root caro, carnis - flesh.  As the priest said, and as the Evangelist said, God became flesh.  Et homo factus est.  And was made man, or, in more inclusive language, and was made a human being.  The Latin word homo, hominis certainly includes all humanity.  With the general decline in education, few knew any Latin or Greek any more, and some got the Latin homo confused with the Greek homo in such words as homosexual.  The Greek word mean “the same” and is entirely different from the Latin word, which means “humanity.”

            Bryce’s thoughts on the sermon so distracted him that he was unaware of the Mass continuing around him.  He went through the motions automatically, and was called back to the immediate only when the sanctuary bells indicated that the consecration was about to take place.  Once again, God was coming among us.  Once again, it was not only in spirit, but in flesh as well.  Or, if not flesh, at least something tangible, material, physical.  Incarnatus est.  God must truly love us.

            After receiving the incarnate God in communion, Bryce thanked him.  All he could think to say was, Thank you for loving us.

            As they exited the church, there was much talk among them and around them, commenting on the sermon and on Father Fenwick in general.  Bryce heard nothing negative.  How could anyone be negative after that sermon?  Well, some people could manage it, but he was glad not to have heard them.  As they headed to the cars, Isobel Sandoval said quietly to Bryce, “We have a guest with us today. Let me cover the costs for our group.”  Bryce usually treated at these Sunday lunches at the Olive Garden.

            “No, ma’am.  This has always been my treat, and, as I understand it, Kathy is sort of one of the family anyway.  You can give me an extra big helping the next time I come into El Rincon Latino if you want,” Bryce insisted.

            Isobel sighed, but conceded the point.

            They gathered at their favorite Olive Garden, where the hostess recognized them and led them to a semi-private table.  There, they enjoyed their midday meal, and continued to discuss Father Fenwick and his sermon.  The consensus was that they would all like to see him be appointed as the new pastor.  As she did before, when there was someone they did not want, Isobel urged them to write to the chancery and express their opinion.  They even had an e-mail address, chancery@cliftoncatholic.org.

            Towards the end of the meal, Kathy leaned back against Kyle and said, “I’m glad you talked me into coming.  It was a good experience, and you have a great family and friends.”

            “Glad you enjoyed it.  Like Father Fenwick said, let us rejoice and be glad,” Kyle responded, as he gently kissed her forehead.

            Mike made gagging noises and stuck his finger down his throat, but Isobel slapped him.  “Behave.  Your brother is being considerate, and Kathy has had enough to deal with without you showing off.”

            Mike immediately regretted his actions.  “Mom’s right.  I’m sorry, Kathy.  I know you’ve had some hard times with your parents, and I should not have done that.”

            “It’s okay,” Kathy responded.  “I can’t expect the whole world to go about walking on eggshells just because my folks are making this difficult.”  As she said “this” she patted her stomach.

            “Really upset about the pregnancy, are they?” David ventured.

            “Not just the pregnancy,” Kathy replied.  “I guess that would have been bad enough.  But I had to go and get pregnant by some Hispanic.”  Saying that, she turned to Kyle and kissed him lightly on the lips.

            “Oh, boy!” Damon contributed.  “Moral indignation combined with racial prejudice.  A highly flammable combination.”

            “I guess you should know,” Kathy agreed.  “But I’ll survive, and Kyle and I will survive as a couple.”

            “That’s the spirit,” Bryce encouraged her.

            Kathy giggled.  “The spirit and the flesh.”  She patted her belly again.  “Thanks for the support, guys.  You’re great.”

            Back on campus, Bryce put in his weekly telephone call to his mother.  After all the normal stuff, assuring her he was well and eating properly and was taking precautions against colds and the like, Bryce told Martha about that morning’s sermon, and about Father Fenwick.

            “If we could just have Father Fenwick and Father Miller, and forget about Father Payne and Father Flannigan (the priest at his home parish in Nebraska), we would have a perfect church,” Bryce complained.

            “Dear, you’re still very young.  Eventually, you’ll learn that there is no such thing as perfection in this life,” Martha replied.

            Bryce decided to change the subject, and discussed Kyle Sandoval and Kathy Collins.  He noted that the Sandovals were very supportive at a difficult time, but Kathy’s family were not, and she needed it worse than anyone else.  He asked, “What would you do if Nan came home pregnant?”

            “I would hope I would be like the Sandovals, and not like the Collinses,” Martha replied.  As though this set off a train of thought, she added, “We’ve met Nan’s young man.  He seems like a very nice, well-mannered young man.”

            “But I hear a hesitation in your voice, Mom,” Bryce pushed.

            “But your brother does not like him at all, and your father seems kind of ... well, kind of distant,” Martha informed her younger son.

            “Don’t tell me he’s black like Damon!” Bryce exclaimed.

            “No, it’s not that.  Like I said, he seems very nice, but he does come from the wrong side of the tracks, as Chip put it.  I would rather say he has a few rough spots.”

            “Mom, don’t worry.  Of course he has rough spots.  He’s a football player.  And Nan is perfectly capable of sanding off any rough spots.  Look what she accomplished with me!”  After Martha’s laughter died down, Bryce continued, “Dad is always cautious around anyone he’s not familiar with, and Chip has never liked anyone except his little in group.  Don’t worry, Mom.  It will work out.”

            “Thank you, Son.  After talking to you, I feel much better,” Martha said as she signed off.

            After his discussion with his mother, Bryce considered that his brother Chip would fit in very well with the parents of Marc Rimbault.  Different cities, but always the same house in the same neighborhood, the same cars, the same people.  Prejudices worked in many ways, racial, religious, social.  Bryce considered that, whenever we begin to divide people into two groups - them and us - and them always seem to be less acceptable than us, that’s prejudice, no matter what it’s called, or what the dividing line is.  The only exception he could think of was convicted felons.

            Later that afternoon, Bryce and Damon headed out to the soup kitchen, after first calling DeShawn on his new cell phone and warning him to be on the lookout for them.  When they pulled up before the apartment building, DeShawn and Malcolm came running out.  It was cold, and they had not wanted to stand outside waiting.  “Thanks for the cell,” DeShawn said.  “It’s a lot better to wait for you inside when we know you’re coming, than to stand outside in the cold wind.”

            “You’re welcome, DeShawn.  We have to make sure our chief car watchers stay healthy and happy,” Bryce replied.

            “Oh, yeah.  My mom said to tell you thanks for the jacket, too.”  Obviously, the jacket was a lot less significant than the phone in DeShawn’s hierarchy of goods.

            “You’re welcome for that, too,” Bryce responded.

            They arrived at the shelter house where the soup kitchen was located.  There was already a line of people waiting to get inside, even though it was over an hour before the serving line would open.  Malcolm said, “I’m glad we’ll be inside this warm car, and not standing outside like those poor folks.”

            That made Bryce think.  Why should those people have to wait outside in the cold?  As soon as he got inside himself, he approached Deacon Jeffers.  “Deacon, it’s awfully cold today.”

            “I know.  I’m thankful to be working in this hot kitchen,” he replied.

            “But there’s already a line of people standing outside in the cold.  Couldn’t they wait inside just as well?” Bryce asked.

            Deacon Jeffers rubbed his chin as he considered.  “I guess.  We just never thought about it before.  You want to go let them in?”

            So, Bryce went to the front door, and opened it.  He announced in a loud voice, “It’s still an hour before you can get anything to eat, but if you want to wait inside, come on in.”

            As several dozen people shuffled by, many of them said “thanks.”  “It’s cold out today, thanks.”  “Thanks for letting us in.”

            An hour later, with many more people having arrived in the interval, the serving line was opened, and the people began to receive their evening meal.  When almost everyone had been served, Deacon Jeffers told the boys they could take off and have their own supper.  As he sat down to eat, Bryce returned thanks to God, not just for the meal, but for everything which had happened in the past twenty-four hours.  He considered that he had a lot to be thankful for, not least Damon seated beside him.  He found himself staring at Damon.  Damon was talking to the person on the other side of him, but felt the scrutiny.  He turned to Bryce.  “What?”

            “Thank you for loving me.”