Perry and I were two of the smallest guys in the sophomore class. How much help could I be if four or five of them wanted to hurt Perry?
I had my cell phone with me. I could call for help. But how long would it take for help to arrive somewhere off in the woods? And what if they decided that I could share whatever they had in store for Perry? I doubted that I could do anything to prevent that.
Phys Ed class did nothing to ease my concerns. Max Packwood seemed to have it in for me that day. He caught me when I wasn’t looking twice and fired the ball at me. Those shots hurt. Another time he ran straight through me when I was defending one of his teammates off the ball. It took me a few minutes to get back up off the floor after that collision, while Mr. Wyman tried to get answers from anyone about what had happened.
And each time I got hit, I noticed that Dante was looking at me with a satisfied smirk on his face. I was starting to wonder if Packwood didn’t have some sort of agreement with the team to get me out of the way.
At the end of class, it was worse in the shower. Max followed me into the shower room that I used, straight into my corner. He feigned concern about my injuries, solicitously pawing at the side of my face, my shoulder, and even lower. He tried to spin me around.
“Come on, fairy,” he coaxed. “I just want to make sure you didn’t injure your wings.”
The worst part of the entire ordeal was that when I glanced down, I noticed that he was growing. I fought the urge to vomit.
At the other showerheads in the room, everyone was studiously looking away. I shouldered past Max roughly. I guess he was surprised, because he didn’t try to grab me.
Toweling off back at my locker, Dante appeared next to me. I glared at him. He didn’t appear to be concerned.
“Friends look out for each other,” he informed me smugly. Then he turned away from me.
By the time I got to lunch I was trembling with fear, and I was boiling with anger.
I bought my lunch and considered stalking through the dining hall and taking a seat at Perry’s usual table. I thought it would send a clear message to the team.
But on reflection, it didn’t seem like the best idea. I wasn’t sure how Perry would react if he came into the hall and found me sitting at his table. And in the mood I was in, I wasn’t certain I would have the self control to be sensitive enough to his needs and be diplomatic when interacting with him.
I took a seat at my usual table, sitting where I could stare directly at the team’s lunch table. I figured that would send a message of sorts. It probably wasn’t a great idea.
Dante and Jason noticed my gaze and immediately huddled together in quiet conversation. They glanced my way frequently, Dante imparting some sort of information that clearly amused Jason. My internal temperature climbed a few degrees.
I spent several minutes picking at my lunch and observing their behavior. Other conversations around that table were more concerning than infuriating. Jack, Mark and Mason were huddled together, enjoying something and casting frequent covert glances in Perry’s direction. Adam and Trevor were talking quietly, but I could see that whatever Jack was talking about seemed to concern Adam. Trevor appeared to be attempting to placate him.
Tracey and Jolene had their heads on swivels, absorbing snippets of one interesting conversation after another. Both girls appeared to be even more excited than Jack and his cohorts.
Becky and Linda were isolated from the more intense conversations by several ‘handlers’, much as I had been before I decided to leave and find my own place to eat.
Tim was sitting right next to Dante, trying to join in on his conversation with Jason, but also trying to keep up with Jack and his partners. Every now and then, when Dante said something and glanced toward me, Tim erupted in a confection of artificial giggles.
It was more than I could tolerate. I figured I could handle their bullying, if it came to that. But knowing that I was only getting a small taste of the abuse they had directed at Perry for months was enraging.
I brought my lunch tray to the dish line. Then I stalked deliberately toward Jason’s table. I stopped directly between Jason and Dante and slammed my fist down on the table. It hurt.
Jason glanced up. He looked me up and down with contempt. “What happened to your ‘private’ table? Nobody wants you there, either?”
His contempt didn’t bother me, although a small part of my brain acknowledged that it might when I stopped to think about it later. I tried to ease my aching hand without attracting any notice.
I had no idea what I was going to say. Fortunately, my mouth started without me.
“I have a real simple message for every one of you bastards.” It felt like a good start. I decided to let my mouth carry on without supervision. “I know you guys are planning something. Just about everyone in this school knows that something is up.”
Dante started to stand up, like he was going to put me straight in my place. I wondered briefly if it had been a good idea to let my mouth have such free rein. Surprisingly, Jason put his hand on Dante’s arm. He looked back up at me calmly and expectantly.
I kept my voice down to avoid attracting too much attention, but I made sure its intensity would reach every seat at the table.
“For months you guys have been giving Perry shit for no reason. I know. I’ve been watching.” I thought it a good idea to punctuate that observation by directly meeting every pair of eyes at that table in succession.
“I’m telling you all right now that it’s over! One way or another, you’re through bullying him. If you’re not ready to stop on your own, I’m ready to do whatever it takes to make sure you stop.” I met every gaze at the table again. I wanted to be certain that they knew I meant business. I was hoping that I might also convince myself.
A quick glance around the dining hall informed me that my little tirade had attracted the attention of neighboring tables. One or two staff members were also starting to notice us.
“From now on, every one of you is going to leave Perry alone! I don’t know what happened in the past, but I know he isn’t doing anything to you guys now. He doesn’t deserve your shit. Just. Leave. Him. The. Fuck. Alone!”
I felt satisfied . . . for a moment. Then I realized that I didn’t have any ammunition left to use and nobody at the table looked the least bit intimidated.
“So is that all you had to say?” Jason inquired. He took his hand off Dante’s arm. I started to feel anxious.
“That’s all we have to say.” The voice came from behind me. It sounded like an angel; an angel with a deep growl.
I glanced back and noticed Becky and Linda standing to either side of me. Becky’s eyes were locked on Jason’s.
There was a moment of assessment that felt to me like it lasted half a lifetime. Jason’s eyes paused briefly on each of our faces; measuring, calculating. He looked like he might be weighing the odds of something.
He waited. We waited and we watched.
Finally, with a subtle nod of his head, Jason relented.
“Okay,” he said. “We’ll leave Perry alone.”
A susurrus of complaint erupted behind him. Jason’s sharp hiss cut through the noise.
“How will he find out that he’s gay?” Tim whined. Jason punched his shoulder.
After a few more brief and indecipherable exchanges, there was silence.
“If Donnelly and the dykes,” I heard Becky’s knuckles pop, “are this upset about Perry’s feelings, we’ll let it go. He isn’t worth the trouble. But,” his expression hardened and he pointed at Becky and Linda, “You guys are done here. We don’t want you around. Find another place to eat and other people to hang out with. Maybe Rossie here. He looks like he could use a friend or two.”
He turned away decisively and conversation slowly resumed around their table.
Breathing resumed at surrounding tables as people went back to eating.
For a few seconds I was rooted to the spot. I could hardly believe that we had won. Linda tapped gently on my shoulder and I turned around. She motioned away from the table with her head. I followed her and Becky.
At the baseball players’ table, Brian was waving to us. His eyes asked the question.
“It’s over,” I told him. “They promised to leave him alone.”
“Way to go, Norma Rae!” That was Jake, a guy who had played soccer with me. He seemed to approve. But wait! It took me a moment to get the reference. Was he saying he thought I looked like Sally Field?!?
I don’t look like Sally Field! Do I?
Brian was relieved. His expression took in all three of us. “I’m glad you got through to them, guys! I didn’t think they were going to be satisfied with anything less than blood this time.”
Jake smirked. “When we saw PeeWee stalking over to that table all by himself with fire in his eyes, we were sure we would have to mount a rescue mission.”
A couple of the other seniors laughed.
That was actually a relief, although it would have been good to know I had backup before I bearded the lions in their den. I thanked Brian and the guys for looking out for us.
We headed for the exit. Becky tapped me on the shoulder. “PeeWee?” she snickered.
Walking to Biology class, I took a moment to reflect on what had just happened. I mourned the loss of most of the friends I had gained in my first year at Ball Mountain. But I realized that in backing me up, Becky and Linda had sacrificed years of social capital that they had built up with people who had been as close to them as family.
They didn’t have to get involved. But they did what they thought was the right thing. I was kind of proud of myself for finally standing up for something that I thought was right. Becky and Linda had made an even bigger sacrifice for the same reason. They were the real heroes of the day.
I had really enjoyed being around Jason, Dante and the rest of the crowd. It had been fun. But I was starting to understand that it was people like Becky and Linda that were really worth knowing.
I sat at my usual work table in Biology. Jason arrived a couple of minutes later and found an open work space on the opposite side of the room. He never even glanced in my direction.
Perry must have witnessed the drama in the lunch room. He saw the denouement playing out in Biology class. But he kept his thoughts to himself.
A selfish part of me thought maybe he should be grateful for what Becky, Linda and I had done. But his expression still appeared to reflect a feeling of hopelessness. I didn’t think to stop and question why.
For me, the rest of the day was anticlimactic. The weekend was ahead and I felt exhausted. The drama that had been building all week and climaxed in front of half of the school earlier had been physically and emotionally draining.
I was satisfied by the knowledge that Perry was safe. But rather than wanting to celebrate, I really felt the need to take a vacation—or at least a long nap.
Instead of running home, I decided to wait for Mom to pick up Rachel in front of the building. I hoped that Perry wouldn’t be offended that I didn’t walk home. But from his expression in Biology class, I figured that he was probably just as ready as I was to take a break from everything and everyone.
Mom was surprised to find me waiting for her. Rachel was disappointed. Apparently Mom had agreed to take her and Cara shopping right after school. Driving me home wasn’t on the agenda.
Rachel shared her contempt for my lack of consideration with her customary harshness. But when I didn’t rise to her bait, she started to think that maybe I really wasn’t feeling well. The possibility that I might be contagious turned her into an ally. She insisted that Mom drive me home immediately before they left on their shopping excursion.
Home alone, I was restless. I felt exhausted, but I didn’t have any desire to sleep.
I wandered aimlessly from room to room before ending up behind the house on the patio. I sat down on the low stone wall that ran along one side of the structure and huddled inside my jacket. The early April air was still chilly.
Behind the house, Ball Mountain loomed above the surrounding trees. I briefly considered waiting for Perry on the trail. But I wasn’t entirely sure which path he took once he got to Chase Falls, and I realized that it might feel a bit stalker-ish if he found me waiting for him. Next week would be soon enough to resume my attempt to become his friend.
After such a draining week, we all needed a break to rest and recharge. I hoped that Perry would be able to enjoy some time hiking around Ball Mountain, as Brian had said he liked to do. Maybe I would encounter him there if I was out running or enjoying the scenery around the falls.
Sitting in the fading sunlight gave me the chance to mourn what I had lost during the past week, but also to contemplate what I had learned about myself and how I had changed as a person. I hoped it was for the better. I was frustrated that I had been forced to make a choice between people that I found fun to be around, and that had been there for me when I was first getting settled in at Ball Mountain, and being a good person.
Being a good person should be easier. We would have more good people if it was. But I suppose that if something were to be worthwhile, there had to be some effort involved; some sacrifice to let you know you had accomplished something commendable. If everything was easy, we would have no reason to grow as people.
Faintly in the distance, I heard the echo of Nana’s laugh.
I was startled awake by a steady thumping coming from the house.
Gathering my senses slowly, I realized that it was the sound of someone banging on the front door.
I was tired. My thoughts were still scattered and uneasy. I was in no mood to deal with visitors. I felt rooted to my seat on the patio.
The thumping continued. Sooner or later, they would have to go away. If they didn’t, they could deal with Rachel when she came home. I almost felt sorry for whoever was disturbing my peace.
The banging stopped eventually. I started to relax again.
“Ross!” The sound of someone’s voice startled me again. I turned to see Nicky Crandall emerging around the side of our house. He was dressed in sweatshirt and sweatpants and looked much more disheveled than usual.
I was trying to figure out how he came to be at my home. I knew that he and his family lived in town, a few miles away. Aside from the few times his family had picked me up and brought me home from skiing trips, I don’t think he had ever seen the house. He must have been paying closer attention than I thought on those trips.
“Ross!”
Oh, yeah! I should probably say something. Offer him something to drink? What was the proper protocol for loud, unexpected visitors?
“Uh, Nicky . . . ” I looked around distractedly. The only thing I could see that might be drinkable was water in a birdbath. That probably wasn’t something I should offer him . . .
“Ross! They’ve got him!”
Who had him?
“They’ve got your friend!”
Did I have friends any more?
“Ross!” Nicky was starting to look frustrated. That didn’t make sense either. He took a deep breath and gathered his thoughts. “Your friend, Perry. Jason, Dante and a bunch of the guys have him!”
That brought me to my senses! The story came out quickly from there, although it felt agonizingly slow.
Brian and a few of the baseball players that had Phys Ed during the final period of the day had stayed outside the school, throwing a ball around and waiting for practice to begin. Brian saw four or five groups of Jason’s crowd slip out of school in twos and threes just before the day ended. He watched them head out on the cross country trail. A few minutes after school dismissed for the day, Perry emerged and headed for the trail, too.
As a captain, Brian couldn’t cut out of baseball practice. He had been watching for me, hoping to get my attention and warn me about what was going on. But when I didn’t emerge from the school after a few more minutes, he started to panic.
Nicky and a few of the freshmen ballplayers joined the practice and Brian decided to send Nicky out to see what was happening, with direction to get help if he came across any trouble. I had to imagine that Brian was still panicking back at school, praying for practice to end.
Nicky had followed the trail for more than a mile before he ran across disaster. Jason and almost a dozen of his friends had cornered Perry and were holding him in a small glade where there were often parties during the summer, not very far from Jason’s house.
Nicky knew he couldn’t tackle that situation on his own. He needed to get help. Apparently he knew the trails fairly well and realized that my house was only about a half mile farther up the path, just past Chase Falls, but that running back to school he would have to travel almost three times that distance. I don’t know if he had seen me get in my mother’s car after school or just had blind faith that I would be home, but he made the decision to come looking for me.
“Why didn’t you just call for help? An adult?” I asked him. “Cell service is pretty good up here in some places.”
He looked sheepish. “I got in some trouble last week. Mom and Dad took my phone away.”
It wasn’t prudent, but I had just been startled awake from a nap and my thinking was still fuzzy. But I was familiar with the open area where Nicky said they had Perry. And they had lied to me! Jason had promised that they would leave Perry alone. I could feel the blood rushing to my brain!
I tossed Nicky my phone and started running. The quickest route past Jason’s house was below the falls, downstream from the pool. There weren’t any obstacles to worry about until I came to the stream, so I didn’t hold back.
I’m a fast runner. After a minute or so I was surprised to realize that I could hear Nicky five or ten yards behind me, doing his level best to keep up. I wondered briefly how he had found time to call for help and still keep so close to me, but mostly I just felt glad that I had a friend with me.
I heard sounds of anger and frustration before I emerged into the clearing. Jason and about two-thirds of the team were milling about the glade in small groups. Several of them turned in panic as I dashed into the clearing, Nicky only two or three seconds behind me.
Perry was nowhere in sight!
I panicked and turned toward Jason, murder or at least lots of angry screaming on my mind. Adam moved in to cut us off. He appeared to be in a state of shock, but at least had the awareness to understand that I needed to be kept away from the rest of the guys.
“Where is Perry?!” I demanded.
“He took off,” Adam said.
Well, that sounded like it might be all right.
“This is such a mess,” Adam moaned. “He smacked the shit out of Jack. Then he ran off that way.” He pointed to a trail that led off in the direction of the mountain.
Perry smacked the shit out of Jack? Jack wasn’t big, but he was average sized. And with everyone else around, Perry managed to smack the shit out of him? It didn’t make sense.
But Jack was sitting on the ground, several people attending to him, and he looked rather disoriented. There even appeared to be some blood on the side of his head.
I glared at Adam expectantly. He looked like he was feeling guilty, but maybe he was just eager to confess. He was barely able to meet my eyes. He wouldn’t even glance in Nicky’s direction. Definitely some major league guilt!
“We should have listened to you, Ross.” It was a good start, but I was much more interested in hearing exactly what had happened.
“Mason, Jack, Jason, Dante—they were convinced that the only reason that Perry is so homophobic is because he isn’t willing to admit that he is. Gay. You know? And they managed to convince the rest of us that they were right. Or that it was at least worth trying to find out if they were right.” Recognition of what that admission revealed probably explained the flush that spread rapidly from his collar to his hairline.
Nicky snorted.
“I’m sorry that I didn’t say anything to you after I found out that Jason wasn’t going to keep his promise to you. About Perry. Leaving him alone.
“But what they were saying kind of made sense. Perry turned into a ’phobe right about the same time we all started to figure out we were gay. Some people get real conflicted about how they feel when they don’t believe it’s right.”
“Do you think?!” Nicky snapped.
“And he’s so beautiful. You noticed it the first time you saw him, Ross? How could someone as pretty as Perry not be gay?” Adam was grasping at straws.
I wasn’t buying that explanation. But it wasn’t the time to argue. I needed to know what they had done. I rolled my hand impatiently and he continued.
“We knew Perry walked home on the Ball Mountain trails. A bunch of us left school ahead of him. We caught him on the trails and we brought him here. But we weren’t going to hurt him. We just wanted him to understand that what he was feeling—that he was gay—was okay!”
I wanted to choke him. “What happened?!” I insisted.
“He fought us a little bit. But that didn’t really mean anything, you know? Once we got his clothes off, he stopped fighting.”
They took his clothes off?! I couldn’t believe they had taken the whole thing that far. What did they expect Perry would do? Naked. Surrounded by a dozen people. What could he do?
“It was like he knew what was going to happen and he seemed to accept it.” Adam shook his head in frustration. “We thought it was all right!”
“I didn’t know what we were going to do next. We hadn’t really talked about a plan. We were all standing around him. He was kind of looking down. Then Jack goosed him and he just went nuts!”
“It was like the little faggot thinks his ass was too good for the likes of us!” Apparently Mason had been listening to our exchange.
“Adam! What happened?” I sensed that there might not be a lot of time.
“He . . . I don’t know! It was like he lost his mind!” Adam looked like he was still struggling to get his head around what he had seen. “He started punching and kicking people. We were just trying to defend ourselves. And there was a chunk of fallen tree limb on the ground. He picked it up and swung it at Jack’s head. When Jack went down he started swinging at anyone close to him.
“We all backed off. We didn’t want to hurt him!” It seemed important to Adam that I understand the point. “He took off into the woods, running toward the trail that goes up the mountain.”
“Yeah. And that’s the last we saw of his naked ass.” Jason added.
“Naked?” I glanced around. “Where are his clothes?”
Adam appeared conflicted. After a moment, he answered, “Once we got him undressed, Dante threw them up in the trees.” He pointed.
I couldn’t figure it out. “Up in the trees? Why?”
“It calmed him down,” Jason defended their action. “He knew that there was no way out then and he had to listen to us.”
“Listen to what? Jack tried to finger fuck him!” I noticed several exchanges of uneasy glances.
“Hey! It worked with Timmy!” Dante jumped in.
Tim stood nearby, looking supportive and confused.
“Dante, you’re a fucking moron,” I snarled. I had a few more thoughts to add, but he had started toward me. I recognized then that I might have a minor problem with impulse control.
Dante grabbed the collar of my jacket with his left hand and reached back with his right. As he lunged forward to deliver the punch, Nicky stepped in and head-butted him in solar plexus! Dante went down like he had been pole-axed! He was writhing around on the ground gasping and whining that he thought he was having a heart attack.
“Maybe you can have Tim kiss it and make it better,” Nicky snapped.
It was at that point that I realized that Nicky could be one cold little bastard. The more I found out about him, the more I liked him!
I surveyed the clearing at a glance. Everyone seemed stunned by the violence, unsure what to do next.
I recognized that the situation could change rapidly and spin out of control again in a moment. Overriding that danger was my concern for Perry.
He had run off, apparently naked, after he had been captured, dragged off, and assaulted. He was free. But where would he go?
Had he run home? He was still almost a mile from his home. That was a long distance to cover through the woods, naked. Was there a safe alternative that was closer?
I remembered our visit to Chase Falls the previous day and Perry’s remark that it was his favorite place.
It was nearby. He was under intense emotional stress. Would he go there? Would he feel safe there? It felt like a real possibility.
Then I remembered the rest of Perry’s comment about Chase Falls: that he hoped the view from the top of the falls would be the last sight he would ever see.
For a moment it felt like the blood had stopped running through my veins. It was like I suddenly found myself standing naked outside in the dead of winter. It took a few seconds to even process my thoughts.
Was Perry feeling so overwhelmed by recent events, so defeated, pushed so close to the limits of his endurance that he might consider doing something that terrible? I couldn’t waste time until I was certain that he was safe.