Metamorphoses

XI

With a certain sense of relief, Willem found his dad at home when he entered the flat. ‘Hey dad! Good to be back!’

Bolo smiled broadly as he rose to crush his son in a tight embrace. ‘Missed you, boy. Tell me your adventures. Here’s a beer.’

Will got stuck in with his account of life amongst the Oecumenical royals, and the great events he had witnessed. Bolo was particularly gripped by Will’s description of the Proclamation in Hagia Sophia. ‘It seems to me, son, that the Red Elphberg has left his people for good. I for one don’t envy him his choice to be a new Caesar, and I wonder how this Oecumene will affect my profession.’

‘What do you mean, dad?’

‘In the old days of Roman law, litigants who failed in the courts of their city and province could always pursue their case upward as far as that of the emperor. Such a system favoured the wealthy who could afford attorneys and pay for travel to distant Rome for themselves and their witnesses. What’s to stop that happening again, now when all roads will lead to New Constantinople and the court of the Emperor Rudolf?’

Will laughed, ‘Think of the expenses you could charge, dad!’

Bolo growled. ‘That’s not why I went into the law, son. Talking of which, you’re still planning on studying law at the Technische?’

‘Yes, dad. And Franzi is going to read Sciencepo … Political and Economic Sciences. We’re really looking forward to it, though there’s one big thing.’

‘And what’s that?’

‘We need somewhere to live. We can’t use that Osraeum apartment any more. I was hoping you could help us find somewhere and … maybe … y’know … help me out with the costs, at least till Franzi gets back here. He’s gotta have some sort of income as King of Rum.’

Bolo laughed. ‘Kids. Afran’s going to be a foreign head of state resident in Strelzen, Will. Not only that, but he’s a head of state who’s already had one attempt made on his life. The Rothenian government is going to have an opinion on where he should live.’ He pondered for some moments. ‘It’s a pity Duke Oskar is down in New Constantinople at the moment. He’s a great fixer is that guy. I think your godfather Kral may be the best bet to talk to about it all. He's got any number of good contacts in the government. Go up and talk to him, and try not to punch that little tick Jules if you run into him.’

Will giggled. The existence of Jules Kral had escaped his memory for quite a while. Then there was Johan Toblescu. Should he rekindle his relationship with that treacherous pair?

***

Willem Kral affectionately squeezed the shoulder of Will Martinovic, his godson. ‘Haven’t seen enough of you, kid,’ he said. ‘Bolo’s told me about your accommodation problem … a home fit for a student-king, yes?’

‘I suppose a student accommodation block is out, Uncle Will?’

‘The Sichertsdeinst would have kittens, kid. I don’t suppose the Kingdom of Rum has got an embassy in Strelzen yet?’

‘No sir. Rum hasn’t even got a government yet, let alone a diplomatic corps.’

The big man sighed. ‘We can make some sort of list of desirable features. Sudmesten would be the best area, near to the campus, right? You don’t want a big place. An apartment in a block with a secure monitored entrance would suit you both; you’re not after grandeur. It might also suit the security services of both countries, Rothenia and Rum.’

‘That’s all good sense, sir.’

Willem Kral then came out with one of his classic phrases. ‘I know a guy down in Sudmesten … in fact me and your dad were at school with him, Anton Felipovic. His family’s got a bit of property in Sudmesten and he’s running the business these days. Here’s his number. He’s expecting your call, and he’s intrigued. He’ll be amenable to negotiation.’

The man paused and then shot Will a closed look. ‘I know you’re a good boy, Willemsczu. And you know the trouble we’ve had with Jo-jo Toblescu. That pervert led our Jules into some very dark places. Your Auntie Della had strong words with Anjelka Toblescu, who had the nerve to suggest that it was little Jules who was responsible for their criminal behaviour. Well, that’s all blown over, thank the Lord. But you can do us a favour. Jules has announced that he’s “pansexual” whatever that is. I don’t want to bother Uncle Yuli, his godfather, about this, but you are an out gay these days in a stable relationship. Could you see your way to having a chat with the boy? He looks up to you, I know. Find out what’s going on in his head. He won’t talk to me after the words we had.’

Struggling to master a sour look that wanted to cross his face, Will nodded and said he’d drop in on Jules’s flat on the way out.

‘Oh, he’s not there these days. His mutti moved him back into the main house, after the things he got up to. Second floor, back bedroom, next to his little brother Radek, who keeps an eye on him for us.’

Will found Jules Kral at his keyboard, as he expected, though this time without the multiple monitors of his home-made editing suite ranged around it. Young Radek Kral, a pretty dark-haired boy of eleven years, was lying on Jules’s bed playing with his hand-held gaming console. He looked up and grinned at Will and gave him a cheery greeting. He winked and left saying, ‘I’ll leave the criminal to you then, Will.’

Jules snarled at Radek as he left and then invited Will to take his place on the bed. ‘So how are things, Will?’

Will gave him a brief run-down of his present concerns, then asked him if he still had contact with Jo-jo. Jules raised his eyebrows, ‘Are you kidding me? That bastard dumped me in it after everything I did for him. Fortunately I was able to close him out of our AllmyFans wallet, so he didn’t walk away with my hard-earned cash.’

Will gave the boy a look of distaste. ‘Maybe that was why he dumped you in it, Jules. He perhaps expected more loyalty from you than you offered. Especially after, you know, he was your lover for a while.’ Never did Will’s relationship with his beloved Franzi seem so pure and wholesome than when he contrasted it with what this greedy little shit offered.

Jules snorted. ‘His loss! I made sure he’s got no part in the new scam.’

‘You still at it, Jules? Shouldn’t you just settle down to work for your Bacca and find a nice new boyfriend or girlfriend, or whatever turns you on these days?’

Jules shook his head. ‘You have no idea, Will. I learned to like big cock when we were running the AllmyFans scam. A couple of the chatters I employed were seriously endowed, and they loved my little butt, and didn’t even expect to be paid.’

‘But you monetised it anyway, I’ll bet. You taped them doing your ass and posted it. I’ll bet you shopped the poor fools to the police too.’

Jules looked over at Will through his lashes. ‘No point asking you for a ride then, Will. Pity. I guarantee you’d love it.’

Will shook his head. ‘So this is what “Pansexual” means to you. Sex without any emotional connection or morality. Why not call it what it is, Jules? Sluttiness.’

Will and Jules sat silent for a while, during which Will reflected on how his relationship with Afran had changed him. In his quiet way Afran had developed and encouraged Will’s moral sense. He had views now which he would defend, and he could discern and condemn those which he knew to be harmful. He had been cured of that moral hesitancy which had made him such an easy victim for Jo-jo Toblescu.

Abruptly, Will asked. ‘And what’s your new scam, Jules?’

The younger boy jerked out of his brown study. ‘What’s it to you? It’s a bit beyond anything you’d understand, Will. So I won’t waste my time explaining it.’

‘One thing I do understand about you, Kral,’ a nettled Will retorted, ‘is that everything is about money, that and proving you’re more clever than anyone else. You came unstuck before because you’re a greedy whore, so I would say the odds are good that the new scam is both illegal and destined to land you in deep shit.’

‘Go fuck off, Martinovic.’

‘With pleasure, Kral. You’re beyond the reach of common sense.’

***

Will stood in a window of his possible new Sudmesten home, his and Afran’s. It looked down on a small square called Tildemanplaz, surrounded on all four sides by apartment blocks of the thirties of the last century. The unpaved square below was made pleasant by a number of mature lime trees which shaded benches and a children’s play area and hosted twittering swarms of sparrows. The apartment Herr Felipovic was renting was on the top floor of four, up an arduous stair. There was no lift, which was perhaps why the man was finding No. 14 difficult to let and was so easy to negotiate with.

‘But you two lads won’t find the stairs a problem. If you have heavy items to instal you can swing them up by rope and tackle. There’s cross beams set in the wall plate to which you can attach pulleys. Delivery guys don’t have a problem with white goods on the stairs as long as there’s a couple of them. But in any case the kitchen here was done out two years ago by my uncle, and the fridge and cooker come with, the bed also. So the only large items you lack are a sofa for the lounge and a bed or desk or whatever you want to put in the smaller bedroom. You’re going to be students you say?’

‘Yes, sir. At the Technische.’

‘Well normally I would not let to students, you can guess why. But Willem Kral stands behind you as guarantor and I owe that guy so many favours. So it’ll be a three-year lease you want?’

‘Yes sir. We need to move in soon, as we’re starting term late. If you can give me the draft lease I can show it to my dad to check.’

‘Your dad?’

‘Bolslaw Wyzhinski.’

The man’s eyes widened. ‘Fuck me, you’re Bolo’s lad?’ He laughed. ‘Well, I won’t be getting on the wrong side of you, you can be sure. I was in school with him. I bought my weed off him and his skuzzy brothers. They all still in the Arsenal?’

Will coughed. ‘I think my Uncles Artem and Janos are temporarily free.’

‘Okay. Son, if you’re gonna smoke weed in this flat, don’t leave the windows and front door open. The other residents will complain, and there’s a couple on the second floor and another on the third who have kids.’

‘That’s not an issue, sir. We neither of us smoke nor do we drink much. Thank you for taking time to see me. No. 14 looks just like what we want. And there’s a concierge and CCTV on the ground floor entry?’

Herr Felipovic raised an eyebrow. ‘Er … yes. Is that important?’

‘It might be, sir. My flatmate has … er … privacy issues.’

‘Okay. I’ll make out the lease in both your names.’

‘That’s Willem Martinovic and Afran Yousefi.’

‘Martinovic? Now I see the resemblance, Krista is your mum? Fuck me. But she was big mates with Della Kral back in the day. Now it all makes sense.’

As Herr Felipovic departed, leaving two sets of keys, Will was thinking that for him Strelzen was turning out to be a village where he was known. Living in the big city was strangely more homely than in the sterile military cantonments in which he had till now spent most of his life with his mother on service. He also reflected that both sets of his grandparents lived no more than twenty minutes stroll from Tildemanplaz. The Wyzhinskis in the Third District and the Martinovics in the Ninth.

***

‘You talking to Afran?’ Bolo called across to Will, who was lying on the sofa chatting on his handij.

‘Yes dad.’

‘Give him my love, and ask him where the money to pay his rent is coming from.’

Will rolled his eyes and did as requested. ‘He says the new government is forming and one of its first jobs will be to fix the state budget, which will include a Civil List alloting income to the king and royal family. In the meanwhile his mum is subsidising him in our lake house outside Nikaea.’

Bolo grunted. ‘In that case he’ll be able to pay me back after I subsidise you both to the tune of 6,000kr, your first month’s rent. I’ve checked the lease and it’s safe to sign. Just don’t expect your landlord to be all that responsive to requests for repairs around the place. The Felipovics are notorious as lazy and unresponsive landlords.’

‘Afran’s taking the train to New Constantinople tomorrow, and then the sleeper express to Vienna and Strezen. It was nice of Grossmutta Wyzhinski to help get the flat ready for us.’

Bolo laughed. ‘She’s delighted to have her grandson living around the corner. And even more delighted that you called on her before you went to your Grossmutta Martinovica. You’ve made a conquest there, son.’

Will signed off with Afran, kissed his dad and then hurried south to Sudmesten where he was due to meet his grandma at Tildemanplaz.

He found the stout old lady with two men at the block front door, the concierge bickering with her. Will caught his last comment before he turned his angry gaze on him. ‘I’ll not have those two in my block, hear? I’d lose my job if it got around.’

‘They’re my uncles, Herr Schmidt. They’ll behave I’m sure.’

‘What? You’re a Wyzhinski? Of course, your dad is your lawyer. You have no prison tattoos. No wonder I didn’t make the connection. I’m counting on you to keep those two cunts in line. Hear?’ The man stumped back indoors.

‘Hi Uncle Janos and Uncle Artem! Sorry about that.’

Artem, the slighter and less tattooed of his uncles, grinned. ‘No problem, Willemsczu, we’re used to it. Janos is actually feeling complimented, aren’t you big bro? Nice to know we’re well known outside the Third these days.’

‘Enough of this, boys,’ said his grandmother. The van with the sofa, the bed and mattress should be here soon. Now behave. Don’t wind that silly man up more than you already have. Our Willemsczu needs your help, not your reputation. Some sort of payback for all the times his dad has got you out of the police cells.’

‘Yes, mutti.’ The two men said dutifully. His grandmother took Will’s arm and she laboured up the four flights with his help. ‘Where’s your mother these days, Willemsczu?’

‘She’s in Turkey, grossmutta, working to create the royal army of Rum so it can be an effective member of the Oecumene.’

‘And the King of Rum is your boyfriend?’

Will paused on the stairs, looking down at the old woman. ‘Yes, grossmutta. I love the man so much.’

His grandmother squeezed his arm, and smiled up at him. ‘I’m glad for you, my lovely boy. Of course it’s all far beyond my experience. But how does it work these days? Do you two get married, and if you do, what do they call you? Obviously not “Queen of Rum”.’

‘Er … he’s not asked me, grossmutta, so it’s theoretical at the moment. The King of Canada has a boyfriend, Jason, and they’re getting married next year. The king has made Jason a duke. And he joked to me that Jace will probably be called “First Gentleman of Canada”. That’s a joke, grossmutta, cos Jace is actually a rough and tough ice-hockey player. And not in the least polite to men that get in his way.’

‘So you’re friends with the King of Canada, Willemsczu? My word, what circles you move in now. Your father is so proud of you, I hope that mother of yours is too.’

‘Afran gets back to Strelzen tomorrow. Thanks for getting all the bedding and stuff ready. We just need the spare room sorted and everything will be perfect for him. Can we come around and meet you after that?’

‘Of course. I get to hug a king! My word.’

‘You’ll love him, grossmutta. And he’ll love you.’

The sound of his uncles at work hauling furniture echoed up the stairwell from below. By the time they reached the top and placed the furniture where he indicated, Will had two shots of hrodvast ready for them, which was gratefully received and downed.

Artem licked his lips. ‘That hit the spot, Willemsczu! It’s looking good up here.’ The man paused and added. ‘You’ve not met your cousin Evgeny have you?’ Evgeny Wyzhinski was his grossmutta’s only other grandson, Artem’s son by a sex worker, whom their grandmother had had to bring up. Evgeny’s mother had been a drug addict who had died of an overdose when the boy was still small. Evgeny was a year older than Will and he had successfully graduated with his Bacca from Sudmesten Central and he was without any criminal record so far.

‘No, uncle, but I’d like to.’

‘Good, cos your dad thought that maybe you can help us with a problem he’s having. You know that Jules Kral, don’t you?’

***

Cousin Evgeny was not what Will was expecting. He was well-dressed and presentable, and not a tattooed starveling. Apparently there were other respectable Wyzhinskis, not just him and Bolo. Also the lad was bright and witty, but what impressed Will more was that Evgeny was loyal and affectionate towards his father, who must have been a difficult character to grow up with. Evgeny met him in a small and clean bar just off the Wejg, where it appeared he worked. He told Will to call him Gino. They sat at the counter, over two small Czech lagers.

‘So you don’t look like your dad much, or any other Wyzhinski I know. You must take after your mum, Willemsczu, and she must be really something.’

‘I have a picture.’ Will produced it from his wallet. It was an official picture of Krista as colonel and adjutant.

Evgeny stared. ‘Fuck! Uncle Bolo must have been the luckiest teenager in Strelzen in his day.’ He shook his head. ‘Luck and the Wyzhinskis don’t often go hand in hand.’

‘Your dad said you had a problem I might be able to help with.’

‘Yes Willemsczu, but it’s … embarrassing.’

‘In your own time, Gino.’

The boy sighed. ‘It’s like this. Money’s always tight in our family, and last year I was really short. Some of my old gymno mates knew about a scam that paid, though you had to pretend to be … well, gay.’

‘And you’re not,’ Will grinned.

‘You can tell?’ Evgeny asked, intrigued.

‘Yeah, it’s this magic skill us queers all have where we can tell instantly if another guy is one of us.’

‘What, really?’

‘Of course not, you twat. Life would be so much simpler were it true.’

Evgeny laughed ruefully, ‘Good one, Willemsczu.’

‘So you got involved with Jules Kral’s chatter scam on AllmyFans.’

Evgeny looked startled. ‘So you really do know about that?’

Will sighed, and told his tale of the porn adventure that got out of control. ‘And I’m in part responsible for you getting sucked into it, cos I walked out on that manipulative little bastard just as it was taking off. So he got creative and enrolled fake chatters to do the job I wouldn’t.’

‘So that’s your ass and dick on the site? … Fuck. Gotta say cuz, I may not be gay but you sure are sexy when you move it.’

Will blushed and gave an embarrassed laugh. ‘Please tell me you didn’t tell grossmutta.’

‘Fuck sake, no! It was bad enough telling my dad, but he knew from Bolo that little scum Kral was in on things and had tried to fuck you over too. But you and your dad fucked him right back.’

‘So what happened, Gino?’

‘Nothing too bad at first. Kral sent us scripts to use when chatting online to fans on the message app, the idea being to get them all sexed up and then sting them for sharing very lewd photos and clips of the guy I was masquerading as. On a good evening I could earn over 7,500kr.’

‘And how much of that did you see?’

Evgeny grunted and scowled. ‘You guess. But it was better than fuck all. Anyway, I got fingered by Kral the Merciless as a star performer. My English is pretty good, working on the Wejg as I often do. I was so good at leading those poor cock-struck fans up the garden path that he asked me to do an audition.’

‘An audition?’

‘I had to send him clips of me wanking off and doing other solo lewd stuff, below the chin only, no face to be seen.’

‘And … er … did you impress?’

‘Apparently. But the next stage was to meet up and screw the little cunt up the ass with him filming it. Which I would not do.’

‘So you wouldn’t be gay for pay. Good. But then he got nasty, I guess.’

‘Terminated me for cause, he said. Not that it mattered because his site got pulled not long afterwards. That would be because of your dad, yes?’

Will gave his cousin a long stare, and concluded that naked he might well be quite something. ‘So, what’s the problem, Gino? Seems to me that the problem cured itself.’

Evgeny frowned. ‘So I thought, but the little shit popped up in my inbox last week, suggesting a new and much more profitable arrangement, profitable enough to think seriously about, even if I knew the guy was totally unreliable.’

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