Rhythm

by

John Terry Moore
 

CHAPTER 16

Lance pulled open the door of the wardrobe and pushed Angelo closer to the mirror on the inside of the door.  “Look,” he said, “what do you see?” 

“Myself, stoopid, of course.” 

“Yes, I know, but what do you really see?  Do you see a happy person, a sad person, an interesting person or what?” said Lance in his most provocative manner.  Angelo thought he knew what was coming, but he wasn’t sure.  Lance continued; “Ange, smile at yourself.”  Angelo smiled.  “What did the guy in the mirror do?” 

Suddenly it hit Angelo like a tonne of bricks.  “He smiled back at me,” he said. 

“Exactly,” said Lance.  “Now raise your fist and look threatening.  See how his behaviour is a mirror of yours?  Now cross your arms over your chest.  What’s your mate in the mirror doing?”  Before Angelo had a chance to answer, Lance continued; “See how that fella looks like he’s hiding something?  How he looks like he’s holding something in?  Now put your arms by your side; see how you open yourself up?  Which fella would you trust more, the one that looks like he’s got somethin' to hide or the one that looks like he is open?” 

Angelo stared at his partner in astonishment.  “I must admit I never thought of it like that, darl,” he said with admiration. 

“So,” said Lance, driving home his point, “people become a reflection of what you are.  If you stand in front of someone and scratch your nose, sooner or later, they’ll start doing it, too!  If you are having a meeting, private or business, and you start off by looking angry, then they’ll be angry too, and you’ll have an unsatisfactory result.  And if you approach the same meeting with your arms folded as well, you’ll probably never get to first base, ever.  But if you look happy and relaxed; which you are of course, these days,” grinned Lance, “and you look like you haven’t any secrets, that you are open and that you care; then everyone will want to know you and be your friend.” 

“So that’s how I handle my family, right?” laughed Angelo. 

“Exactly.  But I think you need to start the ball rolling before you go to see them.  Give them something to think about before you arrive.  Remember, as we said quite a while ago, ‘when all else fails, tell the truth.’  That’s your entrée to tell them about our partnership, but you and only you will know when that time is right.  Tell them we need their help; that you believe our life together as a couple will be all the richer for their participation.  That every couple, straight, gay or whatever needs their mum and dad, their brothers and sisters.  OK?” 

Angelo nodded, understanding completely, a plan formulating in his head.  He booked a return flight to Newcastle for the following weekend.  Afterward, he poured himself a glass of red wine, and pressed the speed dial on his phone.  His father answered promptly; Angelo guessed he had been sitting in the kitchen, eating his solitary meal and watching the small television he kept there.  “You finished eating, dad?” he asked. 

“Just finished, thanks, and for what purpose do I owe the pleasure of this call?” 

Angelo laughed out loud, “No dad, I don’t need money but I do need your help.  My life has really turned the corner, I’m happier than I’ve ever been, but there’s something missing.  I really rang to apologise to you, dad,” he said.  In his little unit in Newcastle, Francesco (call me Frank) Rossetti nearly dropped his telephone.  Angelo continued; “When you and mum split up,” he said, “I tried to blame you guys instead of taking responsibility for myself.  I guess what I’m saying is that now I am taking responsibility for me, and that’s made me very aware of how important you and mum are to me.  Can you put up with a boarder next Friday night?” asked Angelo. 

“Of course, and ----- thanks for thinking of me son, goodnight.” 

Angelo had a similar conversation with his mother, and her response was equally positive.  But when he rang his sister, Caterina, (call me Kate), the reception was frosty, to say the least.  “Why this sudden change of heart?” she queried.  “What’s changed?”  So he told her.  How he had been gay all his life, how he had been terrified of their dad’s reaction as an ego-driven Italian, so he had never really broached the subject.  Except he realised his mum was very perceptive and she had probably guessed anyway.  They spoke for nearly an hour; how he had finally fallen for a good guy this time; a man who simply loved Angelo for who he was, and how they had become a devoted couple.  How they had realised they needed their families for the future; that their partnership needed a family structure around it; that their very success as a couple would be enhanced by it.  And he wanted to be a good brother-in-law to her husband, and an equally good uncle to his nephew and niece.  That was why he was mending fences.  He could hear his sister sniffling on the end of the line.  “I understand, now,” she said.  “I’m so glad you rang, Ange, see you next weekend.” 

*****

Angelo knew his father would be the hardest nut to crack, and maybe it would be easier to front his mother first, and hope she and Kate would soften him up a little.  But he knew Kate would blurt out the news sooner rather than later, and to have Frank find out second-hand was not a risk he could afford to take.  So he sat down with Frank, glass of wine in hand and just told the truth, as Lance had encouraged him to do.  When he finished, he looked at his father, bracing himself for the eruption that would surely happen any moment. 

“He must be very special, Angelo,” said Frank, softly.  Angelo nodded, unable to speak.  “I can see how you have grown up, and the lovely little Angelo that was inside you as a boy has re-emerged.  How could I criticise that?” he said.  “I’ve changed, too, Ange,” he said.  “I was a typical, pig-headed Italian, who, having married out of the Church and married who I wanted to, then fell back into the old family ways, treating your mother like a possession, and I was far too hard on you kids.  When mum and I separated, it shocked me.  It shocked me enough to seek counselling; even mum doesn’t know about that.  How could I criticise you for being gay when I managed to fuck up my own life so well?  You know, I have had many, many opportunities, but I have never been unfaithful to mum and I never will be.”  Angelo’s eyes widened.  His dad had, in a few sentences, gone from judge to being judged. 

It was like the floodgates had opened; they laughed over old times, the stupid things, the funny things, the sad things.  In the space of a few hours, time seemed to melt away; where there had been an irascible father and a sex-crazed, drug dependent son, there were now two close friends.  And there was now a physical closeness; the natural Italian way where the arms fell naturally around the shoulders and a kiss on the cheek was expected.  At last, Angelo was able to pour his own story out; but there was no guilt from either party; they had gone far past that.  They talked now in terms of the future; Frank understanding fully, for the first time, the profound change in his son’s lifestyle.  There was, of course, a deep satisfaction that the fiscal investment he and Angelo’s mother had in his education was now being returned.  In the same stream in Pharmacy, there were two bright students who were streets ahead of their fellow undergraduates ----- Lance and Angelo. 

At Frank’s insistence, he drove Angelo to the family home where Janice, his former wife, still lived.  She was expecting Angelo that night, and had changed her shift at the hospital to have dinner waiting.  But to her surprise, he arrived early with his father, and Frank asked politely if he could also come in.  Janice looked at Frank warily; their relationship was polite and cordial these days, but she had no wish to return to the screaming and petulance of a male dominated household that had worn her down and ultimately caused the separation.  And yet there was a blast from the past when he took her hand and kissed it, in true European style, one of the romantic things that the young Francesco Rossetti had used to win her over all those years ago.  She looked at him with interest for the first time in their two years apart.  He had always been a devoted father to the children, very hard but also very proud of them both, until Angelo, the ‘problem child’ had filled them both with dread as he seemed only to care about his next party and drug of choice. 

Angelo had hinted he had some news when he had rung her during the week, and simply asked her to keep her normal open-mind.  She thought she knew what he wanted to tell her, but shuddered when she thought of Frank’s reaction.  But Frank obviously was very calm as they made their way to the kitchen and sat at the table.  It was Frank who spoke first.  “Jan, I think we have a son that we can be truly proud of.  He has some information he wants to share with you in the same manner he has with me.  Nothing to worry about,” he said, “quite the opposite.  I’m most impressed; I respect his openness; his trust in us, and he has my full support.”  Janice Rossetti’s mouth dropped open.  If ‘the news’ was what she thought it was, why was her ex husband looking so pleased with Angelo and himself?  She looked at Frank with compassion.  She knew he was surveying the paintwork in the kitchen which badly needed a new coat, and the dripping tap at the kitchen sink.  And her heart turned over as she noted his silvery hair, normally so immaculate and which needed trimming, the hole in his pullover; the badly ironed shirt collar.  She turned to Angelo and smiled.  “So you’re gay, aren’t you darling?”  Angelo nodded, and told her the full story, leaving nothing out, the full and honest version, as he had told his father.  The plea for family support was still there; how he and Lance knew they needed the family structure around them for the future.  Frank nodded happily as he spoke, Janice finding it difficult to concentrate because Frank’s attitude was so different to what she expected. 

“Frank,” she said, “I’m amazed you’re so calm about all of this.  Two years ago you would have blown Ange out the front door if he came home with news like this.” 

Frank studied his feet before replying.  “I was wrong, Jan,” he said quietly.  “Terribly wrong.  I treated you and the kids badly, thinking I was doing the right thing.  The Italian way.  I slipped into the role of patriarch and didn’t allow for any discussion, let alone proper communication.  Our break-up so shocked me, I went into therapy for nearly a year.  It made me even sadder, but at least I realised why a strong independent girl like you couldn’t put up with a temperamental egomaniac like me.  I realise I have changed, and I’m actually quite proud of myself.  But under any circumstances, who am I to lecture Ange on the rest of his life when I stuffed up my own?”  Frank looked at Angelo.  “I’ve read a lot and tried to improve my mind over the last two years, so I suppose I have a different perspective on many things, particularly lifestyles like our son.” 

“You mean you already knew about me dad?” said Angelo. 

“Yes, I knew.  The one thing that worried the life out of me was that girl you were dating.  You were meant to be with a man; not a woman.  A person’s sexuality is not a disease, its Nature!  If you go against Nature then you’re asking for trouble, and I was worried you might make that mistake.  Happily, you rang me before I could contact you, with the best news I’ve had in a long time.” 

Janice continued to look at Frank.  “I had no idea,” she said, holding his hand, “that our troubles had shaken you so badly.  It’s not all your fault, you know, I share a lot of the blame also.  I was very headstrong and in the end, a little selfish.” 

“Yes, you both made mistakes, but you are both good people,” Angelo cut in.  Janice and Frank looked at Angelo with astonishment.  Their own son was giving them a lecture!  “Look it’s OK to apologise to each other, but you guys have just finished telling me that you’re proud of me, right?”  They nodded their heads together.  “Then if I’ve turned out OK, it didn’t just happen by a process of osmosis!  Yeah, I was on the wrong track all right, and who knows what may have happened to me if I hadn’t met Lance.  But as he said, I changed both because I wanted to and because of you guys.  So you have to tell yourselves, that with first Kate and now hopefully with me that your kids have turned out OK because you did the basics very well.  You know,” Angelo said reflectively, “it makes a hell of a difference if you love someone.  Suddenly you care about things and you realise you have to take responsibility for yourself and for your partnership.  And that means forgiving everyone for all the things that have happened to you, real or imaginary.  I guess it’s not easy being a parent these days, and I reckon it won’t be too long before I find out the hard way!” 

*****

Angelo thought it was a thunderstorm that awoke him from a lovely dream, but it was actually his nephew and niece hammering on the front door to be let in.  His mother, still in her dressing-gown, opened the door and the family swept in, Ryan aged five, leading the way followed by Jessica aged three-and-a-half, going on thirty.  Kate struggled in next with a mountain of toys and kiddie paraphernalia, whilst her husband, Brad, carried a picnic basket obviously full of food.  He dropped it on the kitchen bench and embraced Angelo who was trying unsuccessfully to kick start the coffee percolator.  “You’re early dear,” observed Janice.  “It’s not even nine o’clock yet.”  Kate eyed Angelo, who was deep in conversation with her husband. 

“Mum” she said quietly, “we have so much catching up to do.  So much water under the bridge.  The kids need to get to know their uncle all over again.  Brad always liked Ange but felt sorry for him because dad was so hard on him.  And I want my brother back.  So that’s why we’re early, sorry mum,” she smiled. 

*****

It was a great day.  Frank arrived in time for morning coffee and made it obvious that his attitude of the previous day was no flash in the pan.  The body language between he and Angelo said it all, their arms around each other, the hands joined across the table, as Janice looked on with astonishment.  Brad and Angelo suddenly found things in common that they had never discussed, like old furniture and collectibles.  The children climbed over Angelo as he asked the questions of his sister that only a future prospective parent would ask. 

“God you are clucky,” she said with an evil grin.  “When do we get to meet him?” 

“At Easter,” whispered Angelo, “do you think they’ll handle it OK?” 

“Fuck ’em if they don’t,” she smiled, “but you and dad are so cool now, and mum has always gone with the flow so I wouldn‘t worry at all.” 

*****

Good Friday dawned murky and cold.  Angelo was cranky because Lance had ‘some unfinished family business’ to complete before he caught a flight to Newcastle.  And life was barely tolerable without him, even for a few hours.  He thought maybe he should count his blessings.  He’d arrived the night before, and having misplaced his key to his mother’s house, rang the doorbell.  And his father answered the door!  He had moved home again!!  The grand reconciliation and they were like two teenagers again!  Healing, that’s what Lance called the process, and it had worked beyond their wildest imaginings.  Suddenly, he knew he was ready, that all the preparation had been done, and there was only one item on his life’s agenda he had to attend to. 

*****

Lance stirred fitfully in his old bedroom at home with his mother and grandparents just down the hall.  It was early Good Friday morning and he realised he had slept badly.  He had sent Angelo home to Newcastle for several weekends over the last few months, as the family re-bonding process took place, and he had handled those separations well.  But this time, when everyone had a few days of holiday available, he had his usual duty to perform for Grandma, and he was missing Angelo badly.  And there was pressure on them both because it was his introduction to Angelo’s family.  If that wasn’t enough, Angelo had been going on about ‘a surprise’ for him, and with the intuition of one member of a close couple, Lance had noticed Angelo behaving a little strangely all week.

Lance always took Grandma to church Good Friday morning, because Grandpa had steadfastly refused to do so for their fifty years of married life.  Like Grandpa, Lance was also a non-believer, but he knew she loved to show him off in front of her friends.  Not very Christian, but since when was attending church anything to do with Christian values??  He sighed and remembered how Gran had stepped in and been there for him over the years, and some of his bad mood evaporated.  Then there was his other mission, and he knew Grandma would support him all the way, because she and Angelo were each other’s best friend!!  His mum and Grandpa loved Ange also, but Gran thought he could walk on water because she understood perfectly the true nature of their partnership, and approved of it.  Not just the physical bit either; Grandma knew they were life partners.  She picked it instantly, within minutes of first meeting Angelo and Lance realised he owed her big time, because with her support, his family base was secure. 

He made his way to the kitchen, the aroma of the good coffee leading him.  Grandma was already dressed, which was unusual because it was some hours before church.  “Do you have your flight booked yet?” she asked. 

“Yes,” he said, “7.00am tomorrow.” 

“Why don’t you change it,” she smiled, “and go today, I’ll drive you to the airport.” 

“But Grandma,” squeaked Lance, “you have church.” 

“Lance do you think I’m silly?” she smiled.  “I know how much you’re missing him, and this visit is very important for you, if I’m not mistaken.”  Lance nodded his head.  Thirty minutes later they were on their way, drawing up at the domestic terminal just after 10.30am.  “Give him my love, darling,” she said, “and have a wonderful few days, you both deserve it.”  Lance watched as she drove away; perhaps there was a God in this world!  If there was, it would be a woman, and definitely in the shape of his Grandma! 

Angelo had decided to shave and make himself presentable.  Whilst his other half wasn’t due until tomorrow, he realised his dad was always immaculate these days, and they were having the family for lunch.  And whilst none of the family were in the slightest attuned to Christian beliefs, they all loved the traditional fish meal.  Angelo had packed two bottles of some nice dry white wine in his bags which were now chilled, as a gift from Lance and himself.  And for two hours before dinner, he and his father had laboured, shelling about five kilograms of cooked prawns, with lemon water beside them to clean their fingers.  Janice looked on in astonishment; her son was reborn and so was his father!  Her son cheerfully doing domestic duties with her husband as if they had always done so!  In fact Angelo had all but taken responsibility for the entire meal!  He had made a magnificent seafood mornay which simply needed microwaving to serve.  And he had been down the street and ‘borrowed’ some lemons from a neighbour.  There was almost nothing left of her original son.  He seemed to have sunk without a trace!  But she knew in her heart this new version was the real, mature Angelo she and Frank had always hoped for. 

She and Frank had lain awake in bed on the first night he had returned home and wept with relief at their son’s transformation.  They realised that his partnership with Lance was the watershed for not only his own bright future, but also for theirs.  That a process of healing had completely overtaken the little family group, and that it was a permanent one.  All they had to do was to keep on loving each other; it was that simple.  Janice smiled to herself.  Never in the family history had so much interest been focussed on one member.  Lance would be with them tomorrow.  They would all get to meet this person who had woven his magic over their son and now, over the family group.  Ryan and Jessica barrelled in the door as usual, the noise level quadrupling in seconds.  They made their way to Angelo first, jumping and screaming and just being kids.  Then to Frank who made funny faces that they loved, and finally to Granny Janice who always gave them fizzy cordial their mother didn’t allow.  Brad and Kate struggled in with more food and some home-made wine from Brad’s father for Frank to try.  Everyone ate well; the children were both put down for a nap, and the adults just chatted amiably amongst themselves.  Angelo’s iPhone went ballistic just before 4.00pm.  He excused himself to Brad with whom he was talking about antiques, and looked at the dial. 

“Hey” he said, “what’s happening?” 

“Nuthin’ much,” came the reply. 

“Where are you darls?” asked Angelo. 

“Well, I’m sittin’ in a rental car outside number 60 Henry Street.” 

“Wha ... ” said Angelo, the words not sinking in.  “You’re outside!” he yelled, the message finally connecting that his other half had arrived a day earlier than expected.  Angelo tore to the door, flinging it open, coming face to face with him.  He seemed even larger than ever and Angelo felt the usual little chills run up and down his spine as two huge arms encircled him and he felt secure again.  Lance lifted him off the ground in an effortless manner; Angelo’s legs slid around him and his lips met his in an embrace that spoke of their being apart from each other for a whole 24 hours!  It was welcome home in more ways than one.  Angelo had no idea how long they had been there; in the front doorway of his parents’ home, probably with the entire neighbourhood looking on.  But his concentration was broken by a polite cough.  Behind his mother stood the entire family; the grandchildren had awoken from their nap and his father, Brad and Kate were all standing in the hallway looking on with silly grins on their faces.  ‘Out of the mouth of babes,’ thought Angelo as Ryan shouted “Lance?” as he and his sister charged up the hallway, literally knocking him away, and taking Lance’s hand, leading him towards the lounge.  Angelo picked up his bag like a manservant, and followed on with a smile on his face. 

There was no need for introductions; there were hugs and smiles, and yes, a few tears because this was probably the most defining moment in the Rossetti family’s recent and future history.  It was like he had always been there.  He sat with his arms first around Janice and Kate, then he, Brad and Frank had a deep and meaningful male type conversation that left the remainder of the family rolling their eyes in desperation.  Then it was the kids’ turn.  He was their ‘horsey’ and they rode him around the house mercilessly.  Finally, he sat, exhausted.  He turned his head and with a dazzling smile, kissed Angelo full-on the lips.  “I love you,” he said.  It was done in a way that was an expression of one human being’s deepest feelings for another, so simply and yet so eloquently that no one in the room misunderstood the gesture or the words.  They ate the leftovers; Kate, Brad and the children left; Frank and Janice excused themselves and turned in for the night.  They showered quickly and returned to the spare room which they had been informed, “was theirs because it had a double bed.”  When Angelo was lost for words, it was Frank who told him not to be so prudish! 

“Ange,” he said, “it’s not natural for you guys to sleep apart.  Why would you want to do that?  Only gives you hang-ups!  You’d only wear the carpet out between the two rooms anyway, so why can’t we all be sensible?  Don’t you think so, mum,” he said to Janice who agreed, wholeheartedly, but at times had to pinch herself at the attitudes of her ‘new’ husband.  They slid into bed, Lance sinking into the soft lavender scented pillows.  A hand snaked across and stroked him and he was instantly hard.  Their lips made contact with probing tongues and the game escalated, as it always did.  Lance prepared to roll over on his side for Angelo to enter him and suddenly the action stopped.  “This is the surprise I’ve been preparing for,” Angelo whispered, “particularly this week, with my friend Jeffrey.” 

“Jeffrey?” said Lance, looking crestfallen in the moonlight. 

“Yes” grinned Angelo, “here he is here,” grabbing a battery powered dildo from a cardboard box next to the bed. 

“Did anyone ever tell you how fucked you are at times?” grinned Lance. 

“Yes, you do, all the time, and you’re probably right.  Come over here,” whispered Angelo.  Lance rolled over and Angelo slipped deftly underneath him.  Lance felt Angelo’s athletic thighs brush against him as they lifted up, allowing him access.  Suddenly he realised what Angelo had been on about.  “Are you sure darling,” he asked, “it may hurt like buggery.” 

“Great choice of words, but as I told you, Jeffrey has been helping me all week.”  Lance just smiled and shook his head.  He knew better than to argue when Angelo had made up his mind.  He reached for a condom, but Angelo shook his head.  “It’s time we progressed past that, too,” he smiled.  “We’ve both been tested over and over and our original discussion still holds.  If either of us makes a mistake and we have sex with someone else at some stage, then the condoms go on again, OK?  But I’m bloody lucky that no one else interests me at all, and I know you’re the same.” 

Lance grinned at him, “I might be interested in Jeffrey later, you never know!”  They laughed quietly together, then grew serious as Lance positioned himself.  “Push in, I’m already lubed up,” said Angelo.  Lance found the opening with his fingers and guided himself into place.  Slowly and progressively he slid into Angelo.  Angelo never moved, there was no feeling of discomfort because Lance watched his every expression in the half-light.  Angelo felt Lance’s pubic hair against his bottom and relaxed.  “Go for it, big fella,” he said as Lance growled with passion.  Making love this way suited them, of course, and without him saying so, Lance knew Angelo had given him that precious part never given to another human being.  Angelo’s first time as a bottom.  Lance understood the sacrifice that Angelo had made; so many men couldn’t relax the way he had because they felt emasculated.  Angelo had just proven his maturity all over again and Lance fell in love with him again as surely as he had all those months ago.  After he returned from the bathroom, he snuggled into Lance, practically purring!  “That was amazing,” he said, “it’s never been that good before.” 

“Lance,” he said. 

“Mmm,” replied the big man with his arms around him.  “Do you feel any different tonight?  I don’t mean the sex, although that’s part of it, but I just feel we’ve reached part of the journey where we need to make a statement, where we need to say to people around us, here, look at us, we’ve been pretty successful so far, we know we have the right formula, it’s working even better than we ever dreamed it would.  That we’ve grown up as people and certainly as a couple.  Just like Adam and Patrick have done.  Don’t go crook at me, will you darls,” he smiled at Lance, “but I’d really like to get married, what do you think?” 

Lance’s eyes filled with wonder.  “Have a look in the pocket of my overnight bag there,” he said, struggling just a little with his emotions.  Angelo looked at him strangely; he’d asked what he thought was a really serious question concerning their future and all Lance wanted was a bloody package from his bag. 

“Yeah that’s it,” he said, taking the paper bag from Angelo.  He turned it upside down and two smaller parcels fell out. 

“Unwrap them,” whispered Lance, a huge grin spreading from ear to ear. 

“Oh Jesus, I’m sorry,” wailed Angelo, as two magnificent signet rings spilled out of their linen bags on to the doona cover.  “This was the special family business I was involved in Thursday.” 

“And I spoilt your surprise,” sniffed Angelo.  Then they laughed at each other, and the fact that as individuals they had arrived at the fork in the road at the same time, with the clear intention of travelling on together in the future. 

“So I take it your answer is yes?” grinned Angelo. 

“Of course,” replied his big friend.  “What about you Mr Rossetti?” 

“I’d be honoured, Mr Hasan,” smiled Angelo, “as long as it’s as soon as possible.  Can we talk to everyone in the morning to find a date that suits both families?”  Lance was clearly overwhelmed but also so excited.  “Can we do it at the university?” he said.  “In the smaller chapel at the ICHP ----- that would be perfect.” 

“Well?” asked Angelo. 

“Well what, darlin’?” 

“Are you going to put the bloody ring on my finger or not?”