Searching for Him

Chapter 5

Monday, May 17, 1897 – Yesterday I watched as Michael and Jordan rode off for their exploration of the estate. They are remarkably handsome young men and they seem to like each other. I watched as Mark, our groom, took their horses. They walked with their arms around each other’s shoulders smiling and laughing. I heard them ascend the stairs and close the door to the room they shared. I made myself get up from my writing table to go check on the kitchen. I had invited the Rutherfords with their son Ruddy and Mr. and Mrs. Blalock for a small dinner party at 7. I did it as a welcome to Lewis and Jordan but after I did it, I regretted sharing them with my stuffy friends.

I returned to put down a few more thoughts before I must get dressed. My seating arrangement has Lewis on my left and Ross Rutherford on my right with his wife next to him. I placed Mrs. Blalock, who is quite hard of hearing, next to Lewis. I know he speaks loudly enough for her to hear him. I placed Michael next to her with Ruddy across from him leaving Jordan on the end. I spread the place settings so Jordan and Michael were almost across from each other. I left Malcolm’s chair at the end of the table empty out of respect.

I received a telegram from Malcolm today wishing me a pleasant visit with the Browns and informing me he would be staying in India for, at least, three more months. I have not shared that good news with Lewis.

Gran had informed Jordan and me that there was a small dinner party planned for our evenings activities. Once we were in our room Jordan wanted to immediately jump in bed but I convinced him there wasn’t time. He insisted. We undressed and pulled back the bed covers. I knew we were making a mistake because I was not prepared. He went straight for my willie which sprang into action and before I knew it he was tonguing my asshole. While that felt really good, I was feeling the urge to use the toilet. Instead he lubed himself and prepared for entry. With my legs in the air he slipped his greased cock into my hole. I felt the pressure immediately as he proceeded. He was relentless as he pushed his massive member into my cavity. I could tell the action was pushing air in and the shit further up my anal passage. Suddenly I felt his cock convulsing. I made him pull out and I raced to the toilet to arrive a moment before a rush of cum, shit and gas exploded loudly. He stood over me laughing like crazy. I sat embarrassed looking up as he dripped onto the floor.

I apologized as I let another noisy, smelly fart escape. He said, “That was fun for me. Maybe next time you’ll enjoy it more.” We quickly bathed and dressed for dinner. Gran, Lewis and the Blalock’s were in the drawing room when Jordan and I entered. Morris served me a Martini and served Jordan a stein of golden ale. Jordan looked surprised and took a sip. His face told me something was wrong. He said, “It’s warm. I didn’t say anything this afternoon because the beer was wet. I really prefer cold beer.”

“Sorry, that’s the way we drink beer in England.” Morris announced the Rutherfords with Mr. and Mrs. entering, being trailed by a pudgy, young teenager. He stood uncomfortably next to his mother as Gran introduced everyone. There was only a short time for conversation before Morris announced dinner. Ruddy sat uncomfortably next to Jordan who said nothing to him immediately, but conversed with me across the table. As the soup course was being cleared Ruddy seemed to get his courage up and spoke to Jordan, “I understand you are from America?”

Jordan politely responded, “Yes, I live in the west. Have you heard of Colorado?” The boy shook his head and Jordan continued. “I live on a ranch.”

Ruddy said, “Are you a cowboy?

Jordan smiled and said, “I’m a cowboy some of the time. Michael was a cowboy about three years ago.” He gave me a surprised glance.

I said, “Yes, Ruddy, I had a chance to be a cowboy on Jordan’s family ranch for almost a month. I rode horses, shot guns and saw Indians.”

“Whoa.” Our conversation then veered toward questions about school and sports. I am sure he was invited because he was a student at Waynesboro Academy. I had many questions about old teachers of mine and some of the proctors. He became quite comfortable with our conversation. We didn’t pay attention to the adult conversation going on down the table. After dessert we excused ourselves. Since I knew the Rutherford’s and the Blalock’s were staying overnight I showed Ruddy his room, which was my old room. He asked to see our room. I was hesitant remembering that one bed was rumpled. If he noticed, he didn’t say anything and after sitting with us on our balcony for awhile he excused himself.

The following morning, I heard a soft knock at our door. I put on a dressing gown and opened the door to find Ruddy dressed. Since Jordan was still in bed and the other bed hadn’t been used, it had to be obvious to him that we slept together. He did not acknowledge what he saw and said “Goodbye” with the explanation that he had a riding lesson and had to be going. I wished him well but wondered what he thought of what he saw. On Sunday we didn’t see Gran or Lewis until afternoon tea. Lewis informed us that we were leaving for London early the next morning. We would be ready. He, also, informed us that he and Gran would be traveling to Paris. There they would board the Orient Express for Vienna. Lewis said they would be traveling for two weeks before eventually reaching Venice. He gave no explanation of when or how they would return to Pickwickhurst.

After Lewis finished and answered a few questions Jordan said, “Father, I have decided to stay in London and attend drama school.” The scowl on Lewis’s face told us he wasn’t happy.

“You’re not going to finish college?”

“I will but I want to try to become an actor. You know I have performed before. I love it and want to see if I can get better. I know you are wondering about the money but Michael has agreed to rent me his small flat. I have enough money to pay the tuition and stay a year.”

I didn’t acknowledge the fact that I had not agreed to rent him my flat but I knew that he had more plans than he was sharing. His father fumbled around and never actually said Jordan couldn’t stay.

The following morning, we were in our first class compartment heading toward London. Lewis asked more questions indicating that he wasn’t going to stop Jordan, but really didn’t think acting was an honorable profession. Jordan politely listened but I knew Jordan wasn’t going back until he gave acting a try. Once settled in the Claridge, we set about getting tickets to plays including Oscar Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest and several others. Lewis and Gran seemed uninterested in what we were doing. They announced three days later that Lewis’s business had been completed and they were leaving for Paris. He had Jordan join him alone for lunch that afternoon at the club of one of his banker friends. When Jordan returned, he told me his father had given him $1000 and opened an account for him where he could receive funds. The following morning, we wished him and Gran well as they left the Claridge.

That same afternoon we moved our things into my flat which had been thoroughly cleaned by my housekeeper. Jordan thought the flat would work fine for him. He encouraged me to come to London as often as I could. As we were walking down the stairs to leave for dinner the door on the second floor opened. Jeremy, my tenant, wearing only boxers looked out. “Sorry gents.” He turned to escape.

Jordan said, “No matter. I’m Jordan, I’m renting Michael’s flat.”

Jeremy pulled on his dressing gown and asked if we would like tea. Being polite I accepted. He explained that he had recently returned from assignment in Burma and was expecting a posting to the United States. He was not a handsome man but a pleasant fellow about thirty-five years old. I could see Jordan examining the contents of the room which held souvenirs of his posting in the Orient and in South Africa. He asked what I had been doing since he had not seen me for two years. I explained that I graduated from Waynesboro Academy and was entering Kings College in Cambridge next term. I explained that Jordan was in London to attend drama school.

It was quite obvious he was more interested in Jordan than he was me. He said, “Where in America are you from? Your accent is definitely American.”

“Yes, I am a proud American from Colorado. My father and I came over to visit Michael and his grandmother, Mrs. Leyton-Walker, in Devon.”

“Since you will be my neighbor when Michael is at Cambridge, we should plan to dine together when you are free.” I was uncomfortable with his suggestive language so early in his acquaintance with Jordan. I was sure Jordan would be busy and knew of my plan was to come to London often. After tea, we excused ourselves and went to a pub that Jordan knew was frequented by actors and managers. I didn’t know how he knew, but told me that one of his teachers in Colorado had told him about the place. When we walked in, all eyes turned toward tall, tanned, handsome Jordan. We took a seat on the side banquette. After our drinks were ordered, a young woman with stark black hair approached us. She introduced herself which I thought was totally unacceptable in polite society. Jordan rose, greeted her and asked her to join us. He ordered a bottle of red wine. She told us she was an aspiring young actress and thought we were scouts looking for actors. When she found out we were not, she seemed disinterested and moved away. We sipped our wine and watched for another fifteen minutes before an older, short man approached us. Or rather he approached Jordan.

He started by extending his right hand, “My name is Max Ledder and you are?”

Jordan rose and extended his hand, “I’m Jordan Brown and this is my friend, Michael.”

“An American I hear. Are you an actor?”

“I have acted but came to London to perfect my craft.”

Max said, “I may be able to teach you. What are your plans?”

“Tonight we are seeing Mr. Wilde’s play The Importance…

“Excellent, I play Algernon Moncrieff. Do you have tickets?”

We acknowledged that we did not. He pulled two tickets out of his vest pocket and handed them to Jordan. “After the show let’s get together. Michael you’re invited as well.” His comment made me feel about six inches tall. I smiled and thanked him. We had a quick dinner as Jordan talked excitedly about the encounter. All I could think about was my Jordan being seduced by Max. I felt Max had questionable motives. The play that evening was fascinating since I did not know the subject. Max was a good actor but the other male character, Jack Worthing, was lifeless. After the show ended we walked back to the pub to meet Max. He joined us about thirty minutes later. His first words were, “What did you think?”

Jordan looked at Max as I waited. He said, “I like your Algernon Moncrieff. I think the woman who played Lady Blackwell was quite engaging.” He paused.

“And,” Max pushed.

“Honestly, I didn’t think the fellow who played Jack was very convincing. He was OK but not my favorite.”

“Would you like me to teach you that part?”

“God, yes. Would you?” Instead of answering, he gave us a list of four plays to see in the next few days. He said he would have free tickets waiting at the box offices for us.

Jordan said, “Max, we appreciate your generous offer but who are you?”

He smiled, “Leave it to an American to come directly to the point. I not only act but am the manager of the Olde Vick Theater. In London it is not unusual to find an actor who manages. Actors know best what works in a particular theater and also what the people like.”

“Why’d you pick me?”

“You have the look and the voice I want for Jack Worthing. Poor Marshall has never been able to grasp the nuance of the part. He’s a good actor but the Jack character isn’t right for him. I’ll find another place for him.”

Jordan Brown, actorJordan left the flat the next afternoon at one. He took several pictures of himself and didn’t return until dinner time. We had just enough time to dress before going off to one of the plays that Max recommended. The following morning Jordan paced back and forth practicing his lines as I read the other parts. I loved doing this for him. After he prepared for the play he seemed to lose interest in sex. I wondered if Max had bedded Jordan because that was what I heard happened to young girls wanting to be actors.

One cool morning I wanted him, but he was hurrying to go someplace. I snapped, “You don’t seem to have any time for me.”

He stopped and turned. “Michael, I’m so sorry I am so into this play.”

Angrily I said, “Has Max tried to have you?”

Without hesitation he responded, “Yes, and I gave in once but only once.”

“What did he want?”

“To be sucked off, that’s all. Nice Jewish willie but not as fine as yours. I promise we can lie in bed all morning tomorrow. I owe it to you.”

“You don’t owe me. I want to make love to you. Not just have sex.”

Smiling he said, “That, too.”

He rushed out the door. I lay on the bed trying to decide when to go to Cambridge to secure my housing. There was a knock at the door. Thinking it was Jordan, I got out of bed and walked to open the door. When I did, there stood Jeremy. I couldn’t speak so Jeremy said, “Just stopped by to see if you wanted to get some breakfast. I heard Jordan race out to his acting class.” Smiling he said, “Do you always open the door naked?”

“Sorry, I thought Jordan had forgotten his key. Excuse me while I get my robe.”

Don’t do it on my account I like what I see.” I was blushing and grabbed my dressing gown around my shoulders intentionally not tying it. I invited him in. He sat at my writing desk as I pulled on underwear. I could see he was excited as he discreetly tried to adjust himself.

“Do you mind a personal question?”

Suspecting where he was going I said, “No. What’s your question?”

“Are you and Jordan queer?”

Surprised at the bluntness of his question I stumbled. “I …guess you could call us that but that’s such a pejorative term. I rather like to think of us as companions.”

“I didn’t mean to offend by using the word queer. I didn’t know a polite way to ask the question.”

“That’s OK. But ‘yes’ we are intimate. Why do you ask? You aren’t going to report us are you?” I felt quite sure he wasn’t.

“No, I guess what I am trying to say is, I like male companionship as well. I had to leave a close friend, my houseman, behind when I left Burma. He was not only my houseman but also my intimate companion. I miss him and the intimacy, as you call it.”

“You’re an attractive man. Surely, on your next assignment in the States, you’ll find what you are looking for.”

“Sorry, about being so bold but I would you take time for me?”

I stood up and let my robe fall to the floor. My willie was fully erect. “You see I’m interested.”

“Is here in your flat appropriate?”

“Why not, this bed has been used for sex before.” He stood and began to take off his jacket. I said, “No, let me help you.” He didn’t resist as I stood before him and unbuttoned his shirt after he loosened his tie. I pulled his undershirt out of his trousers. I asked him to sit as I slowly untied his shoes and pulled down his gartered stockings. The bulge in his trousers was pronounced as I unbuttoned his trousers and let them fall as he stepped out of them. His underpants were stretching as I pulled them away from his middle to reveal his substantial full erect penis. With a wave of my hand I invited him to lie on our bed. He did not hesitate. I had decided not to kiss him but he chose to kiss my neck, and take my nipple in his mouth before going directly to my willie. He slurped on it for a prolonged period. I felt a bit ashamed because I couldn’t climax. I had a difficult time staying excited because I was thinking about Jordan. Finally, I pulled him off and went to suck him. In no more than two minutes he erupted. He had warned me, so I pulled back as he came in several white sticky squirts. His smile told me he was content. He rose and dressed as I lay naked on the bed watching him. He came to the bed, shook my hand and said, “Thank you, that brings to mind many happy memories.”

He left not suggesting we should have sex again. I was happy about that. I rose, cleaned myself, dressed and rushed to catch the train to Cambridge. I was able to check out the quarters where I would be living for the next three years. As I rode back into London, I wondered what would happen between Jordan and me.

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