It has been three years since Walter shocked me by asking me to marry him. I remember sitting dumbfounded as he explain that if we were married and anything happened to him all that he had, including the cats, would become mine. He explained that he did not intend for any of his modest resources go to his niece or nephews. He continued, “If we’re married my assets will automatically become yours. I have updated my will to make sure my relatives don’t get anything.”
I remember trying to rationalize what it would be like being married to someone older than my grandfather. I couldn’t imagine that my parents agreeing. We discussed the pros and cons for more than a week. I was flattered that he would want to marry me. If I accepted his proposal I didn’t think I wanted many people to know. We ended our discussions without me confirming that I would do it. I told him I would seriously consider his proposal.
By President’s Day I decided to accept his proposal. I had to tell my parents. As expected both violently disagreed. Since I was one month away from my twenty-first birthday they really couldn’t do anything. Walter’s plan was to have Jack and Avery as our witnesses at our ceremony at the San Jose County Court House. He wanted to on marry on my birthday, March 15. I didn’t want a big celebration and rationalized that Walter’s health would probably limit the time we had together. I decided to make our time together the best for Walter.
We planned a honeymoon and birthday celebration trip to Hawaii with Avery and Jack. For me our honeymoon trip coincided with my spring vacation. We stayed at a nice gay resort on the island of Kawai. Instead of going out for food, with the permission of the owner, we hired a chef to cook our meals in kitchen of the guest house. Because of Walter’s mobility issues we didn’t go far from the resort.
Walter and I spent a good amount of time discussing the timing of the sale of his house and the purchase of a condo near the university. We decided the condo had to have three bedrooms and two bathrooms. When we looked on Zillow as we suspected there were limited, available units and not one was less than a million dollars. Walter did not seem to be concerned because he figured his house, which was completely paid for, would bring almost that amount.
After a really wonderful trip where Walter and I were in bed together more than we ever had been. Jack jokingly said one of our last nights, “Do you want me to take pictures of you lovebirds?”
I said, “Yes, but not in bed. Let’s do it in the garden and in the pool.” That is exactly what we did the following morning. I was anxious to see the pictures because I wanted to have the best ones enlarged so they could be hung on the wall of the new condo.
After finals that spring we put the fully furnished San Mateo bungalow on the market. We priced it higher than the realtor suggested but had two offers within a week for full price. We accepted the one with no contingencies. Walter’s bungalow sold for more than a million dollars. I couldn’t believe that his little house was worth that much money. After cleaning out Walter’s personal things we moved full-time into the senior living facility.
We engaged a realtor in San Jose to help us but nothing came on the market. While I had no need to work I knew I would be totally bored unless I found something to do. I had finished my second year of Spanish and decided to improve my language skill working for a landscaper. Only a few of the men spoke English so my job along with digging and hauling included language emersion. Definitely, my Spanish improved and I learned many Spanish swear words. The work was dirty but it gave me the physical exercise that I missed when I stopped gymnastics. Walter thought I worked too much but it was right for me.
Mom and Dad flew out to see me and meet Walter in July. Their time with us was pleasant but I could tell they thought I made a foolish decision. They were kind to Walter in a formal way. After being with us for three days they drove down the coast to San Bernardino where my sister, husband and new baby had moved. I wondered if Mom and Dad would move to California if Dad found a reasonable job.
Shortly after they left I convinced Walter along with Avery and Jack to allow me to drive the four of us to the Russian River Valley for a vacation. My plan was for us to stay in the same B & B that Kevin and I stayed in. Avery was most excited since there was a clothing optional hot tub. I made reservations for the last week in August.
Things got complicated because two days before we were supposed to drive off we heard from our realtor that a penthouse in a twelve story building was about to be listed. Walter wasn’t feeling well that day and told me to go look at it. He said, “I trust your judgment.” I didn’t and asked Avery and Jack to come with me. They were happy to join me.
I knew when we entered the condominium we couldn’t afford the place. The view of both downtown San Jose and the university was breathtaking. The entire place had white marble floors, floor to ceiling windows in the living room and two of the three bedrooms. We were told that the kitchen had been completely remodeled three years ago. Jack had his cell phone out taking many pictures because the listing was so new there weren’t pictures on the Zillow. Avery said, “Mark, if you buy this place Jack and I are moving into the third bedroom.” The place was spectacular and the realtor said it would sell quickly so I had to decide soon and make an offer.
The realtor was asking a twenty-one year old to spend a million dollars or more as his first major purchase. It was crazy. I told her I had to speak to my husband. As soon as we were back at the Willows I showed him the pictures that Jack had taken. Walter liked what he saw and encouraged me to make an offer. For one of the first time since my last conference gymnastic tournament I was really nervous. I called the realtor the next morning and told her to prepare a cash offer of one million to close in thirty days. She suggested I was a bit low but I said, “Let’s see what the buyer says.”
Throughout the day, as we packed to leave for the B & B, we didn’t hear from her. At five o’clock the cell phone buzzed. She said, “Mark, I have news. I told the owner, an older woman who had recently lost her husband, about you and Walter. She said she was considering moving to the Willows even though her daughter wanted her to move closer to Newport Beach. She tentatively accepted your offer but…” I took a deep breath wondering what the ‘but’ was about. The realtor continued, “This is very unusual but she wants to meet you two before she makes her final decision.”
I said, “Marcy, we are supposed to leave tomorrow for the Russian River.”
Walter snapped, “Mark, this is place you want. Call the hotel and tell them we’ll pay for the night but won’t arrive until day after tomorrow.”
To Walter money didn’t seem to matter. For me spending all his money was something I had no experience with. Marcy called the woman, whose name was Jean, and invited her to come over to the Willows the following afternoon. Jean was supposed to arrive with Marcy at three-thirty. Walter had me invite Avery, Jack and Annette and her partner, Helen, to join us at four.
The visit went almost too well because Jean seemed to be having such a good time she didn’t want to leave. A half an hour after she and Marcy left we got a call from Marcy telling us she would be right over for us to sign the offer. She said, “Mark, she has one stipulation. She wants to be able to visit you and Walter at her old place.”
I laughed, “Of course.” Walter and I became owners of the condo on Eldorado. The following day slightly in a state of happy confusion the four of us got in my Camry for the three hour drive to the B & B. We were greeted by Donnie who told us the owners decided not charge us for the night before. Within a half an hour Jack and Avery were in the hot tub. The air was cool but Avery couldn’t wait to get naked. Walter and I sat near the tub but didn’t get in. I could tell Walter was tired from the condo buying ordeal and the trip.
As we had done in Hawaii I asked Donnie if we could use the breakfast room for food that I would to be delivered by GrabHub. He agreed as long as I cleaned up. I asked if he was going to perform for us. He smiled and said he was happy to play whatever we wanted. I smiled, “Play naked, I mean.” He smiled.
Jack and I drank a Sonoma Pinot Noir while Walter and Avery drank sparkling water with our delicious Italian meal of lasagna, salad and cannelloni for desert. After the stress of buying the condo I was happy to sit quietly and listen to Donnie play for a while. My three companions were enjoying the music, as well.
I looked forward to doing nothing during our time at the B & B. Avery hardly had any clothes on either in the pool, hot tub or lounger. Walter seemed relaxed. I did drive Jack around so he could photograph some of the local forest and river sites.
Shortly after we got back to San Jose we moved into the condo. Jean had sold us her furniture which wasn’t really my style but it was quality and inexpensive. She left most of the art work “On loan” as she called it. I knew it would be there for her to enjoy when she came over. She visited only once before her daughter insisted that she moved south.
I started school changing my major from physical therapy to nursing. To please my father I agreed to take a minor in finance and management. Originally, I thought the minor would be a waste of time until I realized that I was increasingly involved in managing Walter’s income. After the purchase of the condo he still received over ten thousand a month from Social Security, his 401-K and other investments. I had taken enough Spanish to quality for a second minor.
Walter was in the condo almost as much as he was at the Willows. He slept with me, at least, three nights a week and never lost his interest in sex. He, also, loved to sit by the big windows looking out over the city. He stayed at the Willows because he loved his bridge games. I drove him back and forth regularly. The cats didn’t visit the condo because they seemed totally at home at the Willows. Occasionally, Walter spoke about my need to get out and meet young people. I reminded him I was with young people every day at school.
I hadn’t heard from Kevin since he visited in San Mateo last Christmas. As the prior year I invited him if he was coming home to be with his family. He accepted and told me he was coming to San Mateo. I had to correct him and told him about the new condo I didn’t tell him Walter and I were married but planned to do that when he arrived.
Walter was at the condo when Kevin arrived. I could tell Kevin was expecting student housing. Like Walter, he loved the view of downtown San Jose. He planned to stay overnight so I had the second bedroom ready. With Walter there I didn’t expect him to boldly say, “Walter, do you mind if I borrow your boyfriend for a night?” Walter smiled and with a wave gave his permission. I decided not to tell Kevin about my marriage until later.
When we were in bed I remembered how much I loved Kevin’s smooth Asian skin. I had forgotten how much fun it was to have someone top you as opposed to what I usually did. Kevin seemed to have softened and passionately kissed all over my body. I really liked what we were doing. It wasn’t like what we did long ago when our lovemaking seemed mechanical.
Without explanation Kevin stayed two nights. The second night Walter had returned to the Willows for cards. Kevin and I had the condo to ourselves. Our sexual appetites were fired up. We both climaxed more than once that night. However, I never once thought about leaving Walter for Kevin. I decided Kevin was a friend with benefits that I hadn’t had for a long time. I learned that Kevin was living with an older man in the Silver lake area of Los Angeles. He didn’t tell me much except to tell me how he hated the commute to the Caltech campus.
Before Kevin left I asked him to do me a favor. I wanted Jack to come over and take naked pictures of us that I could frame for Walter as a Christmas gift. I told Jack that Kevin didn’t have a lot of time and could he could he come over soon. I could hear him speaking to Avery and responded that he would take an Uber but Avery wasn’t coming. He arrived an hour later and the sun shown in the window allowing him to take pictures in natural light. He then wanted to take some pictures against the white walls in the third bedroom. He took many shorts and I was sure I would find several that I would frame for Walter. Jack joined me for a glass of wine before he left.
As usual Jack told me how beautiful the condo was. Kevin and Jack left together. As usual I didn’t hear from Kevin after he left. Walter told me he didn’t want to fly to Florida for Christmas. With Walter being at the Willows I knew he wouldn’t be alone.
The remainder of my junior year and senior year were busy with classes and practicums at area hospitals and assisted living facilities. I arranged for one practicum to be at the Willows in the memory care unit. That was my first exposure to dementia which was frightening. I privately hoped Walter would die before he became demented. In the summer in between school years I returned to the landscaper. My Spanish had become proficient. Unrealistically, I hoped Walter and I could travel to Mexico so I could practice my Spanish. When I brought up the idea he said he wasn’t interested in flying anymore but I could go if I wanted to. I wouldn’t leave him because he was increasingly exhausted for no apparent reason.
One evening early in my senior year as we were having a light dinner at the condo Walter said, “Mark, You need to take me to the hospital. Something feels strange in my left arm.” I knew immediately he was describing a heart issue. Without panic I helped him into the car and we drove to the medical center emergency room. Without fanfare I wheeled him into the reception area. A nurse inquired as to Walter’s issue. He was lucid and described the feelings he was having. She immediately wheeled him inside and asked me to wait.
I ask to accompany him since I was about to finish my degree in nursing. She hesitated but agreed to let me sit with him until the resident could see him. The emergency room was busy so we didn’t see anyone for what was an excessively long time. A tall, blond female doctor came in. Walter was hooked up to a heart monitor. She and I both could see his irregular heartbeats. She left to retrieve a syringe which I suspected was filled with flecainide or another beta blocker to deal with the arrhythmia. She checked his other vitals and said, “His heart rate is slow and blood pressure is low.”
She asked me to step out so she could speak to me, “You’re his caregiver?”
“Yes, and I am his husband.”
“I see. Well, I think I will admit him for tests because we have to deal with the low blood pressure. We don’t want a stroke.” She returned to speak to Walter. We waited for more than two hours before he was moved to a room near the critical care unit. I had an unusually busy day the next day but I couldn’t leave him. I sent text messages to two of my instructors explaining the situation. I heard back from both not be concerned and do what I needed to do.
Walter’s condition did stabilize but we concluded that he needed to move into the assisted living unit at the Willows when he wasn’t at the condo. He understood that his heart condition required more immediate care than I was able to provide while school was going on. With less than a month until graduation I decided to give up the apartment at the Willows to save money. Annette had always loved the cats and agreed to take them.
Unfortunately, Walter was admitted twice more and was put in the critical care unit. Each time when he was released he seemed to be better. Being with Walter in the hospital made me appreciate the work of the critical care nurses. After passing my state licensure exam I decided to stay at the university for another year and get my ICU/CCU nursing credentials.
Walter’s decline was gradual until once evening when he was over at the condo he said, “Mark, I don’t feel good but don’t want to go to the hospital. I want to get in bed with you and have you hold me. If I slip away that is the way I want it. If I feel better in the morning I’ll go back to the Willows.”
I knew, as did Walter, he was dying. I helped him get undressed and seated him on the stool to shower him. I dried him and helped him get into bed. I decided not to leave him. I’m glad I did because with my arms around him he passed away quietly within an hour. His last words were, “Mark, you are a wonderful husband.” It was not tragic or unexpected. But I cried and didn’t let his body go for quite a while.
As we had planned I called Honor Cremation and informed them of Walter’s passing. In the morning his body was removed from the condo. I called the nursing supervisor at the Willows to inform her. She volunteered to tell Avery and Jack but I said I would call.
There was no formal memorial service for Walter but I did arrange for a special dinner at the Willows for our group. Jack and Avery plus Annette and Helen stayed close to me which I really appreciated. Walter’s death affected me more than I thought it would. He was a wonderful man. I was honored to have been his husband for slightly less than four years.
When I finished my ICU/CCU training I knew I would immediately be in demand. But I was determined to have a vacation in Mexico before I started to work. Avery’s health had been declining so it was decided that Jack and I would go on the trip. On a whim I texted Kevin to see if he had an interest in joining us. Several days later I got a reply that he was interested if it was at the end of May. That was later than I had hoped but agreed because having three of us would be more fun.
We flew from San Francisco International to Puerto Vallarta. I booked a suite in a gay friendly Air B&B in the Romantica for a week. Jack was easy to travel with. He didn’t demand anything and would eat whatever Kevin and I suggested. Several afternoons when Kevin and I were making love Jack was taking pictures.
He also took pictures of us sleeping. I hoped to frame the best ones for a picture wall.
Kevin and I were happy when Jack brought a handsome fellow to the condo. I suspected the fellow was interested in Jack because of money but I didn’t say anything. Jack seemed to really enjoy being with the guy. I encouraged them to allow me to take a picture of them since we had few pictures of Jack. Jack and Avery had an open relationship so I suspected Jack would share the pictures with him.
Both agreed and they stood on our balcony for the picture. As I suspected we only saw the fellow one night. I didn’t have the nerve to asked Jack what he paid. Jack was totally happy after the experience. Toward the end of our week we took a boat ride with a group of gay guys of all ages to a beach where we could be naked. The sun was intense so Kevin and I sat under umbrellas much of the time. Jack was totally friendly with a number of the guys. We wondered if he was looking for another fellow to bring to the condo on our last night. As it turned out he didn’t hook up with anyone, but he told us he had a wonderful time even though he got quite a sun burn.
During our time in Puerto Vallarta Kevin and I spent time talking about jobs and future plans. With Walter gone I knew I could go anyplace since I had plenty of Walter’s money plus the condo which I could either sell or rent. I received my masters in nursing before Kevin finished his undergraduate degree at Caltech.
Kevin was limited to the locations where aerospace engineering was taking place. He had done two internships one with Lockheed-Martin in Ft. Worth, Texas and the other at Space-X. Both firms wanted to hire him when he graduated. He hoped to stay in California but most of the jobs were in Texas or on the east coast.
When we returned from Mexico my attention turned to Jack and Avery. They were at the condo frequently and the third bedroom became theirs. Avery’s condition was worsening. I found him looking for food in the bathroom or being naked on the balcony which was unacceptable. Jack mentioned that he was concerned and wondered if Avery was safe when he was in the apartment alone.
On consultation with the nursing supervisor at the Willows we encouraged Avery to attend sessions given by the memory unit staff to increase his personal awareness. Jack and I could see his mental deterioration. When he was found walking naked in the neighborhood we convinced his two daughters to move him, against his will, into the locked memory care unit. It took several weeks for him to become accustomed to the environment. That didn’t stop me from having Avery and Jack over when I was at the condo.
I had frank discussions with Jack about what he would do if Avery passed. Jack and Avery had been together for more than ten years but were not married. Avery had the bulk of their resources. I suspected that the money Avery had would go to his daughters when he died. With my knowledge of finance I prevailed on Jack to tell me about his finances and what he knew about Avery’s resources. He told me that Avery didn’t tell him much but had paid for most of their expenses. He told me the amount of his pension from the California Teachers Retirement Fund which was about five thousand a month. He had no other substantial income. He didn’t know if he was included in Avery’s will.
Acting as Jack’s financial advisor I met with the administrator of the Willows to understand the cost of Avery’s care. From my knowledge of what Walter and I paid for our apartment I assumed that Avery and Jack paid the same. For the two of us it was ten thousand a month. With Avery in the memory care unit Jack couldn’t afford to keep the apartment. I knew he wanted to move in with me.
I did agree to let him become a roommate but insisted he pay rent of two thousand a month. He didn’t object because his options were limited and he loved being in the condo. Shortly after graduation I was hired as an ICU nurse at Kaiser-Permanente Medical Center where I had done a practicum. As a new nurse with a masters I was offered ninety thousand per year. The work was intense but I really enjoyed it. When I wasn’t working I returned to my gym regiment three times a week. I convinced Jack to come with me which he agreed to do since his retirement plan provided him a wellness benefit which he could use at our gym.
Kevin came for his regular Christmas visit and stayed three days before joining his family. We spent time in bed even though I had to work the evening shift for two of the three days he was there. While we had plenty of time together he admitted he had served Jack a couple of times. That did not bother me but I could tell Jack felt guilty. I didn’t say anything and neither did Kevin.
After Jack went to bed one night Kevin said, “Mark, do you think you and I could live together?” I had thought about his question before he asked it. I wasn’t sure because he focused on himself and not others.
I said, “Kevin, I have thought about your question many times and I really don’t know. You’re going to get your degree and take a job somewhere other than the bay area. I know I don’t want a long distant relationship like we have now.”
He said, “I agree.”
“Have you decided on the job offer you’re going to accept?”
“I have. I decided to go with Lockheed-Martin in the aerospace division in Texas. They’ve offered me one hundred twenty thousand to start with bonus potential.”
I laughed, “With my salary and yours we certainly won’t be living in poverty.” As we were talking I wondered what would happen to Jack. Kevin was at easy with Jack as I was. But the thought of Jack moving to Texas wasn’t a good idea. The following day Kevin left as I got ready for Christmas at the Willows with the few friends who were still there. Thankfully, both Annette and Helen we able to join Jack and me for dinner. We brought Avery to the table with us but he didn’t understand what was happening. It was very sad to see but inevitable.
By late April Kevin and I decided to give being partners a try in Texas. It was a new start for both of us. Our issue with Jack was resolved by an unexpected visit from a step-daughter we didn’t even know he had. She lived in Santa Clara and said Jack could come live with her family in a small guest cottage they had. I suspect she thought he had money but I wasn’t the one to dissuade her.
Before I put the condo on the market I flew with Kevin to Ft. Worth where we found a comparable condo near Kevin’s work for less than five hundred thousand. While I was there I contacted the three major medical centers and was offered positions at each one for about twenty thousand less than I was paid in San Jose. I liked my work so the pay was not totally important.
When I got back to San Jose I helped Jack move into his daughter’s house. He wasn’t totally happy but knew he had to do it. I listed the condo and as expected it sold for three hundred thousand more than we paid for it. I never believed when I made the decision to come to California that I would leave the state with the amount of resources that Walter had allowed me to have. I wasn’t sure if and how long my relationship with Kevin would last but I wanted to give it a chance.