Chapter Sixteen
Wednesday, July 22nd wasn't quite as interesting as Monday, July 20th (the day we ended up at what used to be Jonas Fertilizer), but it was still memorable.
It started when I woke up at around daybreak. In Oxmar that's only at a little past five, so normally I wouldn't have been awake, but my backside was cold. It was 48° outside, so if Stephan had pulled part of my cover off – the part covering my butt – then of course it was. The rest of me was nice and warm, though, because I was snuggled up next to him. It was a dilemma, because if I started yanking at my part of the cover, I might wake him up. I really wanted to go back to sleep myself, and I had the feeling that once he was awake, he'd be wanting to stay that way, which of course, would keep me awake...
Except it didn't take long to figure out that I was going to be awake no matter what. I wasn't going back to sleep with my ass out in the open, but I also wasn't going to if I was almost on top of him. So I guessed if I was going to be awake no matter what, I might as well just suck his dick again. I really enjoy doing that.
And I also enjoy saying that I enjoy it, and it gives me a thrill to say so in the baldest of terms, but...
It wasn't long until Stephan was wide awake, and he didn't mind my terminology either.
So we were at it for awhile. Then, after we were finished and had mostly caught our breath, we needed a shower, but we decided to be quick about it because downstairs, we could smell breakfast.
Even if we weren't sure if that was a good or bad thing. As we were getting dressed Stephan remarked, “Guess we woke him up.”
“You woke him up, Stephan. Not me, you!”
“Yeah, well, you're the one who woke me up in the first place.”
“And you're the one who pulled my cover off.”
“Well, sorry,” he snickered, “but you think he'll try to poison us?”
“Nah. He's probably setting us up for a guilt trip, that's my guess.”
“So I'll feel guilty after I finish eating,” said Stephan, “then we'll do the dishes or something, and we'll say we're sorry for waking him up so early, but I guess he knows what we were up to, huh?”
“If there was ever a question is his mind, there shouldn't be by now.”
“So? We'll keep being open about it, then. I don't think he minds one bit.”
“Um... well, maybe not about everything...”
I'm not sure if he heard that last part though, because by then he was headed out the door.
So we cautiously walked into the kitchen and Elliott said cheerfully, “Well! Good morning! ... Even if it's a hell of a lot earlier than I expected it to be, but anyway, you don't think Earl's going to mind me fixing breakfast, do you?”
So it looked like it was to be a guilt trip after all. Only I wasn't taking the bait, so I said of course not, he'd made it plain that we were to make ourselves at home.
“Yeah, that's the impression I got, too,” said Elliott, “so how do you want your eggs?”
He was using margarine, so I opted for fried over easy and Stephan went the same route. (I like my eggs scrambled in bacon grease.) Elliott was deft enough when it came to flipping them over, so it worked out okay.
But while he was working on the eggs he asked, “Know what today is?” and before I could say Wednesday, he supplied the answer. It was Pi Approximation Day.
Only I was just barely getting started with my coffee, so I looked at him blankly.
“Really, it is,” Elliott assured us.
“Well, you sure could have fooled me,” said Stephan. “So how are we supposed to celebrate?”
“Oh, I don't know,” replied Elliott, “but I googled it once and someone suggested pausing to ponder the role pi has played in our lives so far, or we could try to imagine a world without pi, or-”
“Or you could just stop making stuff up,” I cut in sourly. I was mostly pretending to be grumpy, but still... imagine a world without pi? Before I'd even had my first cup of coffee? I don't think so.
“I'm not making it up. Today is Pi Approximation Day. July 22nd. Today!”
Then, thankfully, nothing more was said until we started eating. But after pouring ketchup all over his eggs, he started again. “I didn't wake up thinking about Pi Approximation Day though, I woke up thinking about how cold I was. Does it always get this cold at night?”
In July, it's usually only down into the fifties, and once the sun's up it can warm up quite a bit, but first things first. “You... you... why did you put ketchup on your eggs?” I'd heard of people doing that, but I'd never actually witnessed it.
Elliott shrugged. “You ought to try it sometime. ... But anyway, I'd just found another blanket, and I was about to go back to sleep, when all at once, I heard a clatter! ... Well, no, I didn't either, what I heard was: `Hark the herald angles sing, glory to EEEK'... then right after that, `God!' ... It sounded like you, Stephan.”
“Natty decided to try something different. He pulled my slit open.”
“So... you liked it, huh?”
“What do you think?”
Well, I thought Stephan was already being a little too open, but after a short pause Elliott replied, “I'd say you did. And that's what I thought then. I thought, `Guess the little angels are at it again.'”
So after he shook his head in mock exasperation, I asked, “So I guess then you went back to sleep, right?”
“Of course. You know I did.” (Then he started trying to sing again.) “`Oh, come all ye faithful, joyful and triOHHHH!' … What was that all about?”
“Oh, that was when Natty went to a very interesting place,” replied Stephan promptly, (and I was about to shush him, but then he added), “I think next time, I'll see how he likes it. But I never would have thought... Hey, Elliott, let me ask you something. You really think Natty looks innocent? As in nice and well-mannered?”
“Sometimes. ... I guess. You both do. That's what last night was all about.”
“Well, Natty's not. He started-”
“Hush, Stephan,” I quickly interrupted. There are times when I prefer the veiled truth, and right then was one of them.
Stephan giggled. “Well, you said it wasn't all that bad, and next time I'm going to find out if it is or not.”
“You didn't!” exclaimed Elliott.
“Didn't what?” I was still trying for veiled, even if I was wavering.
Guess so, because otherwise I would have said something like, “It's none of your business,” but answering the way I did was inviting a guess at the very least, and from the way things were sounding, his guess would be fairly warm. So, fine then. “Well, I'd a lot sooner go there than eat eggs with ketchup.”
Elliott looked at me for a second or so, then: “Oh, my, God.”
“Yeah, I couldn't believe it!” said Stephan.
I started, “Well, I couldn't either, if you want to know the truth-”
“Right!” interrupted Elliott, “So... okay. Little angels. Right. But it's not like I have much room to talk, because by the time you started singing `The Hallelujah Chorus'... I mean, that's the first time I ever tried jerking off while I was laughing my butt off, but-”
I interrupted, “Were you still laughing when you finished?”
“I don't think it's possible,” replied Elliott, “but anyway, you were singing `The Hallelujah Chorus' up until you start repeating hallelujah several times, but after the fourth or fifth time, you stopped. So what was that about?”
“I stopped to ask him what in the hell he was doing,” I replied. “I was trying to give him his best blow job ever, and he's trying to sing Christmas carols!”
“I was trying to distract myself so I could hold out longer,” finished Stephan. “But he said I was distracting him too, so I thought, `Well, okay, I guess we'll just sixty-nine then.”
“But he did have one more musical selection before he started,” I added. “Did you hear that one?”
“No, I guess not,” answered Elliott. “Probably because I had a rhythm going by then, so I wasn't paying much attention to anything else. But what was it?”
“Ever hear of a group called `Gasolin'?”
“Nope.”
“A few years ago, they were big in Denmark. As in huge! But anyway, they had this song called `This Is My Life'. I like it. First line goes, `This is my life' only Stephan replaced it with `This is your dick'.Then second line, instead of `This is my time' it was `This is your time', then third and fourth lines, he stuck with the original words. So third line: `Just show me the light' and the fourth line was `And I go there' and then...”
“And then I had my mouth full and I couldn't sing any more,” finished Stephan.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So for awhile, it looked like we were going to be stuck on sex for the rest of the day. And I suppose that's a good way to celebrate Pi Approximation Day, but even so, I didn't want this entire chapter to be about sex and nothing else.
Only, before changing the subject entirely (although not forever, because that's not going to happen either), I could at least mention part of the story Elliott told us while we were walking over to Carlie's. I'm sure his motivation for starting it was only so we'd remain fixated on sex... as though that's really difficult...
But as we were walking over he said, “I just thought of a story I could've told last night. Want to hear it?”
So after we said sure, he started, “When I was twelve, I had to go to church every Sunday morning. Sunday School, the whole bit. It was my mom's idea, and I was always trying to think of some way to get out of it. So one Sunday morning I discovered that I didn't have any clean underwear, but then it occurred to me that that was a good excuse. So I went downstairs and told my mom, but without even stopping to think, she said, `I guess you'll just have to go without any, then.'”
So after a few seconds, Stephan asked, “So are we supposed to ask how that worked out?”
“Well, you can if you want to. I mean, I wouldn't mind...”
So after another pause, I said, “I bet you popped one in the middle of Deuteronomy.”
“I can't recall what our lesson was about, Natty, but yes, I did.”
“So since we're being open about this now, do you recall how big it was? I'm trying to picture it in my mind.”
“Yeah, me too,” said Stephan.
“About five inches. But it was real skinny.”
Then nothing else, so finally Stephan asked, “That's all? You just popped one and that's the end?”
And as for me: “Well, I'm still trying to picture five inches and real skinny, myself.”
“I thought it looked unusual,” said Elliott. “But that's not quite all, because the preacher's kid was sitting next to me, and he slugged it. WHOP! So I was like, `Oh my God, now everybody is going to know I have a boner and I don't have on any underwear,' but we were on the back row, so nobody else saw it except for Dwight, and he didn't count because he was only eleven. ... At least, he didn't count right then. ... Well, he did, but that came later.”
So our interest was piqued again, but before he could go on, we heard an ominous rumble approaching us from behind.
Or, at least it sounded that way to me, because it was the Hemi Plymouth. Once his affair with Earl started, that car had almost been forgotten - as far as I knew, he hardly bothered tinkering with it any more, only...
Stephan and Elliott still hadn't been introduced to it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At least Carlie had Earl with him. And not only that, Earl didn't seem to be the least bit agitated. So maybe Carlie had sworn off driving very fast. Illogical or not, that's what I was thinking. He even had mufflers, so now it was street legal. Carlie still wasn't – not exactly - but the car was.
But soon as they passed by, Elliott forgot about once going commando to Sunday School along with all the possible plot twists, and he exclaimed, “Is that his?”
“Legally, probably not, but he drives it,” I said. Then I added knowledgeably, “It's a Hemi.”
“Oh my God!!” cut in Elliott excitedly, “Do you think he'll take us for a ride?”
“Probably,” then I looked over at Stephan and quickly shook my head no.
But in spite of what I'd already told him, he seemed alarmingly unconcerned: he just grinned slightly and shrugged.
Meanwhile, Elliott had broken into a fast trot up ahead of us, saying stuff like: “I cannot believe it, I cannot believe it!”
So by the time we reached their driveway, Carlie had the hood up and was proudly pointing out all the various features to Elliott. Earl was hanging back a bit and looking bored, so when he saw us, (and noticed my worried expression), he walked back and said, “Don't worry about it, until he gets his roll bars in he's not going to be doing any more dirt tracking, all right?”
So that was a relief, but: “Well, has he done any more fine tuning?” Then I added, “At least it sounds like now he's got mufflers.”
“Cut outs,” Earl corrected.
“Um... well, I'm still learning, so what are cut outs?”
“Anytime he wants to bypass the mufflers, he just flips a switch and it's straight exhaust again. First time he demonstrated it to me, I thought `Shit! He's switched to rocket power!' … Except maybe it's more like an afterburner, but you'll notice a difference. Definitely.”
“So how fast will it go?” asked Stephan, “Natty said 156. For real?”
“No, this morning he said he was topping out at 165.”
“Oh,” we both said almost at the same time, then I heard the hood slam, and sure enough, Elliott had just talked Carlie into another trial run.
Earl snickered. “Think he'll wet his pants?”
“Well, actually...” (I thought I should be fair), “he's not as timid as we thought.”
Then I was interrupted by a chirp and that all too familiar VA-ROOM, and once again, Carlie was off to the races.
So of course, the sound quickly faded away. We could still tell when he'd decided it was time to kick in the afterburner, though, because it got noticeably louder. It sounded like then he was really going fast.
“We're going next,” said Stephan.
Only Earl said, “Carlie took the back seat out. He said if it was a real race car it wouldn't have one, so now it doesn't. In fact, the only reason there's still a front passenger seat is because he still likes scaring the shit out of people.”
“Well, we're still going,” said Stephan stubbornly, “one of us will just sit in the other's lap. The seat belt will fit around both of us, right?”
Well, hell.
I mean obviously, as far as this chapter is concerned, staying away from sex for any appreciable length of time is going to be a fairly hopeless endeavor.
But even so, there were still some practical things to consider. Like for example: how it had gone at the Sheriff's the day before. We were wondering about that quite a bit.
Well, according to Earl, on their way back to Mandan it didn't look promising because John was saying they had to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, and if you think about it, that doesn't really seem fair.
And that's what Carlie thought. “But if we tell them everything, then I'll probably lose my license,” he said, disconsolately, “and it's not fair, because all we wanted was to just see Abe again. That's the only reason I was driving, just so Earl could see his grandpa again, and you know what? That's almost the same as when I was rushing him off to the hospital, so they're going to take my license for that? Just because some rednecks started chasing us? What was I supposed to do, let them shoot us?”
So John sighed and pulled over to the side of the road. Then after a few seconds, he said, “You know, son, I'd be following your logic a hell of a lot better if I was good and drunk, because right now, I'm not. But you're right about one thing: if the cop turns out to be a hard-ass, then he's going to say that you shouldn't have been driving in the first damn place. And, like it or not, you shouldn't have, but then he'll be asking if I gave you permission to go... so I guess that shoots the whole truth right out of the water, now doesn't it?”
“Well, we weren't going to mention you,” said Carlie hopefully.
“Well, that's good. ... Only now it's going to be that you took the car without my permission, so that's another strike.” (Then he sighed again. So yes, I'm taking some creative license here, but I'm pretty sure Carlie and Earl would say I'm at least close.)
So finally John said, “Well, none of you were hurt, so I guess we'll forget about filing a report. But since we're over halfway there, we might as well check out a few junk yards in Bismarck. One of them ought to have a rear window for a Lexus.”
Eventually, one did, and they also found a condenser that might solve the air conditioner problem, so it all worked out about as well as could have ever been expected.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Carlie and Elliott were gone long enough for us to start worrying, but finally we heard that familiar rumble again. So of course we were paying close attention, and that was good, because Carlie drove by without stopping. But he motioned in the direction of Earl's, so...
Well, we did notice that Elliott didn't have his shirt on. We didn't know what else he didn't have on, but based on recent experience, I was guessing that he wasn't wearing very much. So since John was out back working on the Lexus, that was probably why Carlie went on to Earl's. It made perfect sense.
By the time we got to Earl's, though, Elliott was on the front porch steps looking dazed but fully clothed and all he said was, “I'll tell you later.” That was directed towards me and Stephan, because Carlie had already pulled Earl aside and they were talking and sniggering, and finally we heard Earl say, “Well, we were going to eventually... so it's okay. ... Actually, it's funny.”
So of course we – Stephan and I - wondered, “What was funny?”
“Elliott can tell you later,” said Carlie. “But don't worry, it's not bad.”
Elliott still seemed to be in shock, but he asked Carlie, “You don't care? If I tell them... every... thing?”
“No, because eventually, we're all in this together. ... At least up to a point, we are,” Earl answered.
“Except I'm almost out of gas,” added Carlie.
Only by then Stephan had so many questions, he didn't even think about offering to buy more gas until we were back at Carlie's again. And of course, I had just as many, but it wasn't long until Carlie had the station wagon practically taken apart, then at around 10:30, my mom called.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So at least now I have something else interesting to write about, and it doesn't involve sex.
As I was walking to the phone I just knew she was going to say something like, “We know about Stephan. We know he's not in Seattle with his sister. We know about...” well, all sorts of worrisome things, but I cautiously picked up the phone and... “Hi, mom. What's up?”
“Not very much,” she replied, “but I've missed you, Nathaniel. Do you miss me?”
“Well, of course I do. All the time.” (I was fibbing a little, but I really did miss her some of the time.) “I mean... I wish we were all together again, but you know, I don't really... um... well, actually I-”
“You don't miss grandma and grandpa at all,” she finished for me.
“To be honest... not really. So how are you getting along with them?”
“By now, Nathaniel, I believe I'd be getting along with them a great deal better if I were somewhere other than where I'm at.”
... “What? They're threatening to send you off to military school?”
I thought that would make her laugh, but for a little bit it seemed to be having the opposite affect. She was saying how sorry she was that she'd let them take over the way they had, but at the time... well, she should have said something, because she knew I wouldn't be happy at a military school, away from home and all that... I mean, it was really getting awkward, so finally...
“Mom, I don't blame you, all right? I know you were under a lot of stress, so I guess... well, I really don't blame you, all right? But... have you heard anything about dad recently?”
“No, but I imagine... well, we'll talk about that later.”
So that sounded... well, actually, I wasn't sure, so I'm also not too sure how I would have phrased any further questions, but soon enough I'd pushed all that into the background anyway because she was back to wondering if I really and truly could ever forgive her. So I was back to feeling awkward again, but I assured her once again that I already had. (While resisting the urge to tell her that I might take it all back if she didn't stop asking me about it.) Not that I would've, but...
Well, it was just awkward.
But eventually we got to how I was liking it in North Dakota and naturally, I said I was having a lot of fun. And while I didn't go into any detail, I also mentioned learning how to drive.
So of course she said I was too young.
So naturally I said, “But mom, there's nobody much out here,” and eventually she said it sounded like fun, but I should still be careful. (She thought the part about me driving in the ghost town sounded interesting, though.)
And she also said she was thinking about going back to college, this time to get a degree in Women's Studies. So I was trying to act supportive, but Women's Studies? I was thinking how it had to involve getting in touch with your inner self and self-empowerment or whatever and changing the world and... that `Fried Green Tomatoes' bit. (I checked IMDB, and under memorable quotes there's Evelyn Couch saying: `I can't even look at my own vagina!' That's the bit I'm talking about. It's probably a part of Women's Studies.)
Except obviously, my mom isn't afraid to...
Well, let's change the subject. Even if I bet grandma...
Well, no, I don't want to think about that either.
So in the end we had a very good talk, my mom and I. At times it was confusing, but she's definitely serious about getting a degree in Women's Studies. It baffled me, but she was and she was wanting me to help her find a good school, as far away from Orlando as possible.
So I said I'd see what I could find, because I wanted her away from her parents just as much as apparently she did.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
By that afternoon Carlie seemed to be making progress with Elliott's station wagon, but he said there was still a lot more that needed to be taken care of.
Then there was the fact that he was wanting to replace the engine entirely. Something bigger. More powerful. At first, Elliott seemed dubious, but as the afternoon wore on, he seemed to be getting interested in the idea. In fact, at a little before five, he decided to go with Carlie and Earl in the Ford Ranger, looking for a good replacement engine. Supposedly there was a junk yard not too far away, and they wouldn't be gone for much more than an hour.
So we wanted to go with them – Stephan and I – only Carlie said, “Not this time, because if we get lucky and find something, we'll have to put it in the back, so there wouldn't be any room for you.”
Then Earl added, “We'll make it up to you tonight, all right?” Only, like I said before, he needed some more work on his poker face, because right then we both had a feeling that something was up.
So if nothing else, that helped pass the time, trying to figure out what they they had in mind. And not only that, we were still trying to guess why Elliott was looking like he was in shock right after his ride with Carlie. “You don't care? If I tell them... every... thing?”
And then there was Earl, “We were going to eventually,” and Carlie, “Don't worry, it's not bad”...
So finally Stephan said, “Natty, I think we're about to be molested again.”
“Yeah, I think so too,” I agreed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It started with a story again, only this was a very recent one. The five of us were sitting at the kitchen table at Earl's and Elliott started, “This morning... I'd never been in a car going that fast before, so I had no idea. So once we were absolutely flying, I was getting nervous. Just a little. But I get nervous on roller coasters too, so I was mostly okay until I saw that car up ahead of us. At first, we could barely even see it, but have you ever seen a car coming at you backwards? Just zooming back at you, because that's what it looks like. And that's when it hit me. It wasn't just any car, it was an unmarked one! We were about to pass a cop going over a thousand miles an hour!”
“Well, more or less,” said Carlie, smugly, “I think I was at about 150 then. But I was still accelerating.”
“And I was exaggerating. Even if it sure didn't seem to be by much. I was getting seriously stressed out, but I didn't want to show it. I wanted to be cool. So I'm just gritting my teeth and wondering if I was looking pale.”
“You were white as a sheet,” reported Carlie.
So I was about to mention that I'd reacted the same way, but Elliott quickly continued, “Well, whatever, it wasn't long until we zoomed by that unmarked police car, and luckily, he was only a civilian. Like ZEE-YOOW!!”
“ZEE-YOOW? I thought it was more like a PHOOMPTH!”
“Okay, PHOOMPTH then. Yeah, that sounds about right, Natty, so thanks for pointing it out.”
“Think nothing of it.”
“Hush, Natty,” said Earl.
And so Elliott continued. “I've never messed with drugs, but I've heard that pot heads can get paranoid. So all I can say is, if I'd been on drugs this morning, I do not even want to think about it because I would've been in the floorboard in a fetal position, all right? Because I was in pretty bad shape as it was.”
“Yeah, he kept trying to mash on the brakes over on his side,” said Carlie. “I thought he was going to push a hole through the floorboard.”
“True,” agreed Elliott. Then he looked at me and added, “Carlie told me about your first time, but let me ask you something. When he mentioned slowing down if you took your clothes off, what did you think? Right off, what were you thinking?”
“Well, actually in my case, it started when I told him I was about to wet all over his seat, so he said I'd wet my pants too, so I said, `Well, I'll just take them off and wet all over everything, so he said-”
“So I just told him to take off everything and throw it into the back seat and he did,” finished Carlie.
“Well, it wasn't quite that simple,” I started again.
Only then Carlie cut in with, “Oh, it was, but let me finish telling you what happened this morning, all right? ... I asked him if he wanted me to slow down. So he said, `If you don't, I'm going to kill you.' He threatened me!
“But I said, `Well, if you do that, then we'll both die.”
“And I believed him,” added Elliott.
Stephan asked, “So were you still thinking about killing him?”
“Yeah, but later on,” replied Elliott, “but that's when he asked me again if I wanted him to slow down, so I said, `That would really be nice' so he said-”
“`Take all your clothes off and I will!'” I finished.
“Exactly,” said Elliott, “But I was still going to kill him soon as I could get around to it. ... If I lived that long.”
“But he threw them out the window! I couldn't believe it!”
“Well, I wasn't thinking straight.”
“So now you were going to beat me up even if you were naked.”
“No, I was going to kill you even if I was. ... You ever see `American Psycho'?”
“You were going to take a chainsaw to me?”
“If I could find one, yes.”
Carlie snickered, “Well, anyway, I was starting to feel bad about the way things were going. Because of what he'd been through, so I guessed I'd freaked him out way too bad, but-”
“But you still hadn't slowed down any,” cut in Elliott.
“That's because we were almost to another mile marker and I was pretty sure I was going to break my record. ... And I did too. 167. Then I slowed down, turned around and we were going back...”
“But then we had a flat tire,” said Elliott.
“So you helped him change the tire, then you hit him over his head with the lug wrench,” said Stephan in between giggles.
“No, he changed the tire because I was naked,” said Elliott.
Only Stephan wasn't finished. “I have to tell you, Carlie, at the very least, you weren't thinking. I mean, seriously!”
“Yeah, I know,” said Carlie. “I just said that, but sometimes, I forget. Maybe it was because it seemed like he was getting on really well with you two. But while I was changing the tire, I was starting to feel like shit. And I was worried about his clothes too, because when you throw them out the window going as fast as we were, you might not be able to find them again.
“And we didn't. But I kept trying to apologize, you know? So finally I said-”
“Let me finish,” said Elliott. “So finally he said, `Well look. If we're in this together for awhile, and that's if you're not going to kill me first, well, if I were to suck your dick, would you forgive me then?'
“So I was thinking about it. And it seemed like he was sorry. … And I also hadn't ever had a blow job before.”
“And my jaw's still sore,” concluded Carlie.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As it turned out, Carlie, Earl and Elliott didn't go to a junk yard: instead they played around with each other. Nothing really major, but still a lot more major than it ever would have been if not for me deciding to go nuclear on first Earl and then Carlie as soon as I did. They went oral again, taking turns on each other...
So okay, then. That's how it was, and since Stephan still had that fantasy about being forced to suck off several boys, and from time to time I was still entertaining the one about sharing his humiliation, we both started acting like smart asses.
But honestly, the music Stephan found on YouTube for Carlie fits him perfectly! In fact, he liked it so much, he said that if we ever shot a video of him driving like a maniac, it had to be his musical score. It had to be, there was no way around it. So just as the William Tell overture is practically synonymous with The Lone Ranger, now Boellmann's Toccata from the “Suite Gothique” could be synonymous with Carlie. Even if I'm still not sure about the idea of installing a MP3 player so it can be blasting at full volume while he's flying around, because that could be just a bit portentous.
That's how I was being a smart ass: I was using every big word I could think of, and often I was smirking. Sometimes those bumpkins didn't have a clue and a couple of times I wasn't entirely sure myself, but it sounded impressive. That, and irritating.
Meanwhile, Stephan was being airily dismissive of our musical tastes. So I think he was trying to goad me as well, because he said the only reason he'd bothered with “Hark the Herald Angels” and “Oh Come All Ye Faithful” was because he figured I didn't know anything else, so he picked some that were fairly pedestrian.
So finally I said, “Well, fine, Stephan. Sing something that's not so pedestrian.”
“Well, how about `Der Hölle Rache'? ... You know, from `Die Zauberflöte'?”
I looked at him blankly.
“Mozart. Does that ring a bell?”
“Die... Zub...”
“`Queen of the Night. From The Magic Flute'!” He seemed to be exasperated.
So that made two of us. “Well, why didn't you just say so in the first place? ... No, I haven't heard of that either.”
“Bet neither one of you know what tomorrow's going to be,” cut in Elliott.
“If it's anything other than a day ending with a y, I don't know that either,” I answered curtly. Die Zub...er...
“Tomorrow, which is less than thirty minutes away, is `National Hot Dog Day'! said Elliott lewdly.
So good! It was about time.
Die Zauberflöte!
Not long after, I was sitting in Stephan's lap while Carlie was dirt tracking again, roll bars or not. Only Stephan was still singing! Two non-pedestrian numbers this time, but one of those was `Queen of the Night'. Right in my ear! Sometimes, it sounded like he was screaming. Possibly because he was. But that's also why I was occasionally tempted to join the bad guys.
I didn't though, because I was in his lap. We were both naked from the waist down (we were wearing long-sleeved pull-overs) and... what happened was, Carlie said he'd not only slow down, he'd stop, but only if we wanted to give him and his two friends blow jobs.
The others were waiting for us at Earl's den of depravity. It was fun. We were blindfolded and on our knees and we had to guess whose dick we sucking. That part was easy because Elliott's was awfully big, Carlie's was uncut, so by process of elimination...
Except sometimes, just for the hell of it, we'd guess wrong, because whenever we did that, we'd get a smack on our butts. Not really hard though. At least not at first.
And like Carlie, after it was over, our jaws were sore.
Then they tied us up. Face to face, so that sure helped a lot, but finally they untied us and just left us there.
Stephan said it was almost like Tulpehocken Creek, only with a better ending.
Because it didn't really end until we were in bed again, making each other feel better.
And now... more from our play list.
First, for “This Is My Life”, on YouTube look for “This Is My Life Kim Larsen (Gasolin)” You're interested in this, right?
Well, I hope so, but for Carlie's theme, look for “Boellmann: Toccata”.(If interested in the best version, just ask.)
Oh, and Stephan's other non-pedestrian number was Schubert's Erlkönig. In his day, it was pretty spooky.
Come of think it, there are times when it still is.