A Deep Longing

Chapter 25

The following day, Saturday, was wet and dismal. Neither of the lads planned to get up early but a call of nature meant that Huw had to wake Gareth to help him to the toilet. After nature’s demand had been met, they went back to bed. Gareth thought he should tell Huw about his conversation with his parents the previous evening. He replayed the conversation in detail and Huw was alarmed to realise that others, at least Gareth’s parents and perhaps his own, were aware of their burgeoning friendship.

“I’m a bit worried that they know all about us, but it was our own fault. I didn’t realise we were giving off such clear signals. All we’ve done is kiss, for goodness’ sake, and hardly that! Still, the important thing is that your parents are supportive, I suppose,” said Huw thoughtfully.

Gareth nodded, “What’s more of an issue is the things Mam said about those signals we’re sending when we smile as the other comes into a room, or the way we look at one another.”

Huw grinned, “Yes, well, she’s right, we do that, and we are going to have to do something about it if we’re not ready for the world to know.”

“Are you going to say something to Gwyn and Janet?” asked Gareth.

“God no!” said Huw quickly. “Mind you, they don’t miss much, so they probably have a good idea about us.” He thought for a moment. “I don’t think they would be a problem either. Maybe when the time feels right, we should tell them. But what would we say? Let’s see how things work out first.”

Both boys lay back dozing, lost in their thoughts, until when, at 10 o’clock, Beth knocked on the door to say she was making a cooked breakfast which would be ready in ten minutes. “There’s was no need for you to get dressed. Come down in your pyjamas”. They tucked into a delicious breakfast of bacon, egg, sausage, mushrooms, baked beans, toast and endless cups of tea. With Huw’s need for help to eat, it was a lengthy meal and it was well past 11 when the lads went upstairs to get washed and dressed.

Later, they started a game of Monopoly at the kitchen table, stopping only for sandwiches at 1:30 when Beth fed Huw to give Gareth a break. An hour later, there was a ring on the doorbell and the lads were shocked when Gwyn walked into the kitchen.

“Gwyn! I had no idea you were coming up,” said Huw. His face fell and he asked anxiously, “Have you come to take me back?”

Gwyn laughed. “Not unless you want me to! I only decided to come up this morning, so I rang David and Beth while you were still asleep, to discuss your situation. It’s your choice, but I suspect by the tone of your voice that you’d rather stay here. I need a cup of tea and a bit of a rest and then I’d like it if you and I could go to your room to talk.”

For half an hour, Gwyn, David and Beth made small talk over cups of tea and then Gwyn spotted that Huw was looking very anxious. “Let’s go and have a chat, Huw bach,” he said gently. They climbed the stairs and went into Gareth’s room; Huw lay on the bed with his feet up and Gwyn sat in a chair.

“I’m so sorry this has happened,” Gwyn said. “Is it very painful?”

“It has been and I do have painkillers, but I’m trying not to take too many of them. They make me sleepy.”

“I gather from David and Beth that Gareth is proving himself an excellent nurse and is looking after you really well. There are not many young men of his age who would take on the sort of tasks that you need him to do for you.”

Huw blushed, “He’s amazing. I can’t believe the lengths he’s prepared to go to for me.”

“Do you think he’s up to doing this for more than just a few days? David and Beth said they would be prepared to be involved but Gareth is being very firm that he can cope,” said Gwyn.

“Well, I don’t mind if David and Beth get involved. When I stayed before, I was streaking between the bathroom and my bedroom one morning, and I met Beth on the landing, so there’s nothing of me that she hasn’t seen. I’m beyond embarrassment now.” They laughed together.

Gwyn said, “They’ve suggested that you stay here until we move in July. That’s only five weeks away, but with Janet’s part-time job, you’d be on your own for some of the time. Remember bach, sometimes Janet may have to do the personal care that Gareth is doing.”

“I don’t mind that and staying here sounds like a good idea, but I’m going to need more clothes and what about the costs of feeding me and so on?”

“I was expecting that you would want to stay here. I’ve brought all your clothes and your other personal stuff. It means that it’s one less person to move up from Reading. Regarding finances, David and I had quite an argument on that subject. I pointed out that we get a weekly allowance for you that I would simply pass over to David and Beth. We decided that we would quietly forget to tell Sandra about this arrangement. You can bet your life that bureaucracy would kick in about your accident and there would have to be some sort of enquiry. Are you happy if we leave it like that?”

Huw was elated to hear the news. “That’s fine. I’m fed up with rules and regulations. I was living with a wonderful family in Reading and I’m staying for a while with another wonderful family in Caernarfon. I don’t want anything to disturb that. We can always take them out for a special meal when I’m out of these casts.”

“And neither would we! Come on then, let’s go back and join the others,” said Gwyn, standing up to leave.

Gwyn stayed until five o’clock and left to stay for the night with his brother in Bangor, promising to stop by mid-morning the following day on his way back to Reading.

Huw got bored very quickly as there was little he could do. Sunday passed very slowly. The combination of high winds and driving rain made a walk outside impossible and would have penetrated even the best of rainwear. Only Gwyn’s brief visit before starting his long journey south broke the monotony. The following day, Beth took him to the hospital to replace the plaster casts on his wrists with new ones that he would wear for another six weeks when, hopefully, his wrists would be fully healed.

Huw was very relieved when Beth rang Gareth’s school and was granted leave of absence for Gareth to stay away from school to provide him the personal care he needed. Although Huw would have been quite prepared to accept help from Beth, his preference was that Gareth should help him whenever possible.

When the lads went to bed on Tuesday night, Gareth was aware that Huw had something on his mind. “What’s the problem? You’re obviously wanting to say something,” Gareth asked with a grin.

“Er yes. I was wondering… no. Er, well, er, usually I find time to er…” said Huw floundering.

Gareth looked puzzled and suddenly the penny dropped and he roared with laughter, “Oh dear! You’ve lost the use of your hands for the time being, so there’s no way to spank the monkey!” He grinned. “I bet you’re desperate after five days.”

“Exactly!” said Huw blushing furiously. “Five and a half days actually.”

“Well sir, before it becomes six, let’s see what I can do,” said Gareth mischievously.

***

Over the next few days, the young men’s nascent relationship continued to develop, although Huw remained careful and maintained a cautious approach, not wanting to move too quickly. They also found ways for Huw to be more independent. He stopped wearing pyjama trousers so he could at least pee at night and in the morning without disturbing Gareth. He met Beth twice on the short journey between bedroom and bathroom but neither was embarrassed. Beth had helped Huw with personal care on a few occasions when Gareth was not available, usually when he was needed at school events. Mealtimes became easier when they found a way to wedge a bent dessert spoon into his plaster cast so he was able to feed himself when his food had been cut up.

Over the next few weeks, Huw kept in touch with the Evans family every few days by phone. The contact was frequent because Haddie and Betsan were worried about their big brother. On one of their early conversations Betsan tried to understand how he managed to do simple tasks without being able to use hands. When she asked the question, “Well, how do you wipe your bottom then?”, he was relieved when he heard Janet’s voice in the background saying that was not a nice question to ask. Janet took the phone at that point and their conversation continued.

“I must admit I was wondering myself how you were coping with personal things as you obviously need a lot of help,” Janet said.

Although he was somewhat embarrassed, Huw decided that it was an appropriate thing to talk about in the safe context of the family. “ You’re right,” he said. “Although, things are getting better. The answer to Betsan’s question is that Gareth does most things for me when I need help but sometimes Beth helps me when Gareth isn’t about. I’m not really embarrassed about it anymore, and I am getting quite good at feeding myself now and doing other simple jobs. It’s just the toilet, washing and bathing, getting dressed and fiddly jobs where I need help.

The phone conversations carried on regularly after that, but Janet must have spoken with the twins, because there were no more intrusive questions.

Over the weeks they passed their time exploring the area, spending most of their time travelling on the narrow-gauge railways. They spent quite a bit of time over three days watching the narrow-gauge trains taking the slate from Dinorwig Quarry between the Llanberis end at Gilfach Ddu to the coast at Port Dinorwic.

The drivers quickly began to recognise the lads and waved as they passed but their happiness was complete when a driver looked around and seeing no officials from the quarry around, signalled for the lads to come up on the footplate and they rode the entire route to Port Dinorwic. It was fortunate that they had that opportunity because on 22 August, the quarry closed without any notice.

Finally, six weeks after the accident, Huw had the plaster casts removed. X-rays confirmed that the bones had indeed healed well, and he travelled home flexing his fingers and moving his wrist backwards and forwards. He was given a list of physiotherapy exercises to restore his muscle functions fully and was warned not to pick up anything heavy for a couple of weeks. He was amazed how weak his muscles had become but was relieved that within a few days he was able to use his arms and wrists normally, without any discomfort. Life was returning to normal.

Three days later, Gwyn, Janet and the twins moved up to the house at Cwm-y-Glo. On moving day, David, Beth, Huw and Gareth came from Caernarfon to help the family settle in and to bring an evening meal over for them all. As soon as he arrived, Huw spent half an hour talking and playing with the twins before he got involved in helping with the moving in. Haddie and Betsan were overjoyed to see him again, an emotion equally shared by Huw.

Gareth and Huw helped them unload the boxes that the movers had distributed round the rooms. Huw was a little puzzled that there was no bed in his new bedroom, but Gwyn explained that the bed that he had been using had been dumped, as the mattress and base were both old and uncomfortable. Huw could only agree with this! He learned that a new bed was being delivered from a supplier in the centre of Bangor in a couple of days. He could move back with them as soon as it was delivered. Two days later, he packed all his belongings and travelled with David to make the four-mile move to his new home. Gareth was disappointed he couldn’t come but Beth needed his help at home. David had to leave immediately as Beth had plans for him as well.

Huw hugged David, “Thank you so much for looking after me the last few weeks. I know that I’ve been a major upheaval to your household…” David cut him off, “Huw bach, you are part of our family and that is what families do. We’ve loved having you, every moment.” They hugged and David took his leave.

Huw went indoors and announced, “I want to have a look at my new room,” He clattered up the stairs and rushed into the room. He was astonished as he looked at his new bed. It was a 5-foot queen size bed! Suddenly he was aware that Gwyn was standing in the doorway. “I knew you’d want Gareth to stay for weekends so we’ve made it comfortable for you,” he said simply.

Huw stared at him open-mouthed. “When did... how did you know?” asked Huw, visibly shaken. Gwyn chuckled, “When? That was when I first saw you two together when Gareth was in hospital. How? Fifteen years of teaching and working with teenage boys. When you go back to school you are going to have to be careful about how you behave around one another, even how you look at each other.” He turned to Gareth, “Do your parents know?”

“Yes, and they are supportive of us. They said the same thing about being careful about how we look at one another, particularly at school.”

Huw continued after a moment, “We are going very slowly and carefully in our friendship. Actually, it’s me who’s keeping the brakes on. Gareth wants to take things forward faster, but I don’t feel ready, “ he admitted.

Haddie and Betsan rushed into the room at that point and looked at the bed with astonished expressions.

Haddie was first to speak. “What a big bed! Why do you need a bed so big? Can we come and sleep with you sometimes?”

“Off you go, you two!” said Gwyn, shooing them to the door. “Leave Huw to discover his new bedroom!” Huw smiled at Gwyn gratefully. “You and Gareth are good for one another,” Gwyn said as he drew Huw into a hug. Huw sat on the bed and asked Gwyn to sit with him.

“Dad, I’m not really coping with things. I still get nightmares about losing Dad, Dafydd and Mair’s death in the slide, Mr Salisbury’s attack and the whole time living there and then my awful time at Bath Road School. Without you, Janet and the twins I didn’t have anything to live for. I’m sure I would have finished what I failed to do at the weir although I’m full of guilt about my attempt to end my life. I’m a mess.” At that point he burst into tears on Gwyn’s shoulder. Gwyn just held him and made soothing noises. After several minutes Huw looked up with a tear-stained face and snot running from his nose. Gwyn wiped Huw’s face with his handkerchief and gave it to him.

“Oh cariad, nobody could come through all you’ve experienced and not be badly scarred. We are here for you now and will walk with you through everything the future holds. Sandra did offer to provide professional counselling for you, and I think we should take her up on the offer. You do need help which we are not equipped to give. What we can do is to love you unconditionally and without any judgement.”

“Thanks, Dad. What is worrying me most at the moment is I’m utterly confused about what I feel about Gareth. I do love him in the same way I love Haddie and Betsan — they are a brother and two sisters to me. But he wants to introduce sex into our friendship and I don’t. I don’t want to be unfair to him or to lead him on but I’m not going there.”

“I think you are very mature in your thinking. It wouldn’t be right to bring sex into your friendship unless that’s what you both want. Have you made that clear to him?”

“Yes and no. I say I don’t want to go there but you know I’m a tactile person and I find it impossible not to touch his arm or put an arm round his shoulder. I like intimacy and touch but I don’t want sex. Is that even possible?”

Gwyn thought a moment. “I can’t answer that, Huw. That’s very much the province of the counsellor. I think perhaps you need to be straight with Gareth and tell him. Then you really should stop giving mixed signals by being so tactile with him.”

“You’re right, Dad. Thanks a lot. I’m going to unpack and then come down for dinner.”

Gwyn rose from the bed, smiled at Huw and left the room, quietly closing the door. Huw sat on the bed and realised what had happened. Both their parents knew of their relationship — whatever it was — and both accepted it without question.

For the first time in many years, Huw was excited and optimistic about the future.

-THE END-

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