The Price of Friendship

Chapter 13

“Come on, Rick. I know I can trust you to tell me the truth. Who are they trying to set me up with?”

Angus had been getting increasingly anxious all afternoon. School had just finished and he was still trying to find out what Brandon, Peter and Drew were planning. Drew was just in it for the fun, but the other two had a measure of revenge they wanted to inflict on Angus, and he knew it. I couldn’t tell him that neither guy had any real anger towards him — they just wanted him to suffer a little.

I was torn because of Claire’s suspicion about Angus being gay. Setting him up on a blind date with James could have been enough to encourage him out of his closet. While I was reluctant to play any part in what was going on, I was giving passive support by not messing up the plans the other three were making.

“Sorry, Angus. Don’t worry about it. It’s going to be one date. If you don’t like them, or they end up not liking you, it’ll be over. And you never know — the two of you just might hit it off.”

Angus thought for a moment. “Okay, how about this: I’m not really interested in having a girlfriend at the moment, but can you honestly say that there’s any chance I’ll like her and she’ll like me? If you believe that, then I’ll leave you alone. If the guys are just setting me up for a laugh, I’m not going to be pleased.”

“Yes, I think there’s a chance you’ll like each other, but I’ll admit there’s also a chance you’ll hate each other. I just don’t know either of you well enough to say for sure. And that’s as much as I’m going to say.”

Angus wasn’t happy, but he seemed to accept it. “Thanks, Rick. Now, I had better head home. I’m still not sure that Brandon hasn’t got some other plans in mind.”

He strode off, and before I could go much further, I was stopped by three of my classmates. Two of them urged the third one forward.

“Rick, can I ask you a personal question?” the guy with the crew cut asked.

I smiled. I had fielded a few questions since lunchtime and it looked like I was going to be asked another. “Sure.”

“Are you really gay? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I was just wondering.” He seemed nervous.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t remember your name. I’ve met too many people here at school.”

He gave a nervous chuckle. “I’m Keith, and this is Ben and that one’s Andy. Yeah, I can understand that. We only had one name to remember. So, are you?”

“Sorry, Keith, but if you’re intending to ask me out, you’re not my type. Better luck next time.”

Ben and Andy burst out laughing.

Keith glared over his shoulder at them. “Shut up, you guys, or I’ll…”

“Or you’ll what?” Ben asked. “You’ll hit us with your handbag?”

Keith glanced at me. “Excuse me for a sec.” He turned back and whispered something to Ben and Andy.

“Okay, but you have to admit it was funny,” Andy said. He tried to stop laughing and look serious, but the grin wouldn’t disappear, and muffled chuckles were escaping. Ben was only slightly more successful in keeping himself under control.

Keith glared at them for a moment and then turned back to me. “Sorry about that, Rick. No, I wasn’t asking you out on a date…”

The other two guys burst out laughing again but stopped when Keith looked at them.

“I was asking because I heard you and Claire are together. If you’re gay, then that means I can ask her out. So, are you? Gay, I mean.”

The other people who had asked me had just seemed curious. Keith was the first person who had had a legitimate reason for asking the question. I fell back onto a version of the truth.

“Sorry, Keith, but Claire’s not available. You show good taste, though, because I think she’s a great girl, too.”

He seemed crest-fallen. If I hadn’t wanted her as a girlfriend for myself, I might have given him some encouragement, but I didn’t want any competition if I ever managed to get into a position to try to date her.

“Is she unavailable because she’s dating someone, or because she’s not ready to date yet, having just broken up with her last boyfriend?”

I had to give him points for working that out quickly. “Does it matter? Either way, I wouldn’t suggest asking her out.”

“But I could ask her out.” Keith seemed to be psyching himself up. “The worst she could say is no, and she just might say yes!” He narrowed his eyes. “That is, unless you tell me outright that she’s your girlfriend. I won’t stand on someone else’s toes if I know about it.”

The slimy bastard had caught me. I couldn’t honestly say she was my girlfriend, however much I wanted to. I knew she had said I could use her as a subterfuge, but circumstances had changed.

“Keith, can I have a private word?” I didn’t feel comfortable in saying too much, but I felt I needed to say something to him.

Keith looked back at Ben and Andy. “Guys, can you leave us for a few minutes?”

The other two guys backed away. Keith turned his attention back to me.

“Keith, officially Claire and I are going out. But the real situation is a lot more complicated than that. She’s honestly not ready to start dating, and she really doesn’t want guys asking her out. At least not at the moment. I can’t stop you from approaching her, but I think you should wait. Give her some space for a while. Please?”

Keith grinned and stuck out his hand. “Thanks, Rick. I know good advice when I hear it and I really appreciate what you’ve said. I don’t really care if you’re gay, but if you are, I hope you and Drew stick it out. He’s one cool dude and I’d like to think he’s got someone just as good.”

“Thanks, Keith.” I wasn’t exactly sure what I was thanking him for, because I suspected I had a rival for Claire’s affection, but he seemed sincere about Drew and me.

I slowly headed down the corridor. I thought Keith would speak to Claire in the near future, and I suspected that she would encourage him to join our group. She might not go out with him, but she would try to be friends.

Drew was waiting for me at the car park. He grinned and took a step forward when he saw me, and then visibly made himself stop. It didn’t take much to work out what he had wanted to do and had only restrained himself because I wasn’t officially ‘out’.

While I travelled the remaining distance to join him, I wondered just how much trouble it would cause if I allowed him to show affection in public. I didn’t feel comfortable with the idea. In fact, it made me very uneasy, but our relationship was close to being an open secret. The biggest problem I could see was how it would look once I eventually came out as straight, assuming I could ever get around to doing that.

“How did things go? No one hassled you, did they?” Drew asked.

“Nope. I had a few people ask questions, but I told the guys that if they were looking to ask me out, they weren’t my type, and I told the girls that Claire was the only girl I was interested in.”

Drew grinned. “Sounds like you handled things well.”

“There was one guy that I wanted to ask you about, though. Do you know Keith? I don’t know his last name, but he’s medium sized, has a crew cut, and he had two friends with him: Andy and Ben.”

“Brown or green eyes?”

I blinked. “I didn’t notice.”

Drew laughed. “Keith Mackenzie. He has green eyes and a nice set of abs. I won’t mention his bum, because I don’t want you to think that I’ve been looking.”

I chuckled. “I take it you know him.”

“Not in the biblical sense. As far as I know, he’s straight, though if I’m wrong he’s too late for that, anyway. There’s only one guy I’m looking at knowing that well.”

I felt myself going red while I glanced around to make sure no one was in earshot.

“What did you want to know about him?” Drew asked. “He’s pretty cool and reasonably well liked. The only people I can think of that hate him are a couple of bullies he had a run-in with last year.”

I sighed. It seemed that Keith was an all-around nice guy, which matched my general impression of him. His only big flaw was that he was hot for Claire.

“He was the last one to ask if I’m gay, just a few minutes ago. He said he wanted to know if that meant he could ask Claire out, though he wouldn’t if I was really her boyfriend.”

“That sounds like him. He’s not one to make a move on someone’s partner.” Drew seemed thoughtful. “It’s a pretty good match, and he’s certainly a lot better guy than Phil. Do you think he’ll ask her out?”

“He might. I told him privately that Claire isn’t ready to be asked out, and that he should wait. He thought that was good advice, but I think he’ll start hanging around her while he waits for a good time to ask for a date.”

Drew winked. “And I think we should encourage him. Do you want to tell Claire about it, or would you like me to do that? It’ll be her decision in the long run, and she won’t be happy if we’re keeping guys away from her.”

For a moment, I hated Drew. He was going to encourage Keith to go for the girl that I wanted, and he was going to ask me to help him. I couldn’t blame him, but that didn’t mean I had to be happy. I grinned to hide my distaste for the idea. “I’ll call her, since I was the one to speak to Keith. Changing subjects, are you really going to speak to James about a date with Angus, or are you just playing with Angus’s mind?”

Drew made a face. “I don’t know. Playing with Angus’s mind is fun, and seeing him on a hot date with James would be absolutely priceless, but is it really fair? With Angus, it would just be a little fun and he should get over it, unless he ends up falling for the slimy bastard. Yeah, I know Claire has told you that she thinks Angus is gay — she’s told most of us. I don’t see it, but if it’s true, I don’t know why he won’t come out to at least a few of us.

“And I don’t know if I want to have anything to do with James. I know you do, and I love you for being so generous, but it’s a tough ask. I’ll make an effort, but I’m not sure if you understand what he did to me.”

My reply was soft. “He took your heart, made you trust him. You opened yourself up so that you were vulnerable, and then he trashed everything you had given him until you wondered if there was any reason to ever trust another person.”

Drew gaped. “How…?”

I shook my head. I wasn’t about to tell him that I had had the same thing happen to me, though in a different context. Soon after the birthday party incident, a girl started flirting with me. She led me on for a couple of weeks, then openly, publicly humiliated me in front of most of the school with a passionate speech about how she would never have anything to do with a ‘sexual pervert’. It turned out that she and the birthday girl had set it up as revenge. Even though nothing happened between us, the implication to everyone else was that I had molested a second girl. My few tentative glimmers of friendship from the other kids died that day, never to be reborn.

I felt Drew gather me into his arms, but my mind was still remembering that incident. I had thought I was over it, but my emotions told me otherwise. It felt good to have someone hold me, to comfort me, to show me that they cared. It was several seconds before I realised we were still in public. In my panic to break out of Drew’s grip, I lost my balance and fell down.

“Are you okay?” Drew caught my crutches and reached down to help me up.

I glanced around and noticed a few kids staring. I didn’t know what it looked like to them, but I didn’t think it helped my straight image. I then looked back at the concern in Drew’s eyes. “Yeah, I’m okay. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that, but I suddenly realised that others could see us.”

Drew was horrified. “Oh, fuck.” He saw the other teens and blanched. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, fuck! I’m sorry, Rick. I’ve done it again. I’m really, really sorry. I just saw how lost you looked and reacted without thinking.”

“I actually liked having you hold me. I think I needed that more than I needed people not to notice.” I gave Drew what I hoped was my most appreciative smile. “Thanks, Drew. I didn’t think that was going to happen, and I’m glad you were here for me. Don’t worry about what they saw. I’m not.”

I honestly wasn’t worried. I had reconciled myself to being out at some stage, and it looked like that event had occurred. I still resolved not to state that I was gay — I wanted to keep some semblance of honesty — but I wasn’t going to fight to say I wasn’t.

Drew handed me my crutches just as my mum drove up. That stopped the conversation until we were in the car and heading back to my place.

“What do you think I should do about James?” Drew asked.

“Do you think you can speak to him at school?”

Drew shook his head. “I’d prefer that we spoke to him somewhere at least semi-private. I can’t promise that I won’t yell at him.”

“How about at my place, after school one night?” Having James at Drew’s place was out of the question, and I didn’t know of anywhere else the three of us could have a private conversation.

“If you don’t mind. Do you really want to be friends with him, knowing what he did to me?”

“He made a mistake. Yes, he hurt you, but I don’t think he did it on purpose, and that’s the difference. It was just one long, extended mistake.” I didn’t let my opinion of my own hypocrisy show on my face.

“I’ll say it again; you’re a lot more generous than me. Okay, we’ll invite him to your place. Now, when?”

“Are you going to footy training tonight?” I asked as I mentally ran through Drew’s weeknight commitments.

“I wasn’t intending to.” Drew grinned. “I was hoping for a better offer.”

I smiled. If Drew didn’t flirt, he wouldn’t be Drew. “I enjoyed the game on Saturday, but if you don’t train, you’ll be off the team. I think you should go. You’ve got your job tomorrow and Wednesday, so that makes Thursday the first opportunity to invite James over.”

Drew sighed. “Thursday it is, but we should ring him today to invite him. Not that I expect he’ll have other plans, but it’s better to be sure.”

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but who’s James? Is he someone I’ve met?” Mum asked, sounding concerned.

Drew and I exchanged looks. He seemed reluctant to answer.

“He’s Drew’s ex. They broke up about a year ago after Drew found out that James was cheating on him.” I knew that my parents would find out about what happened, so I thought it was best to pre-empt that part of the conversation.

“Is he someone you should be friends with, then?” Mum asked.

Drew left it to me again. “I don’t have a history with him. The fact that he and Drew went out for a year tells me that he can be a nice guy. He’s told me his side of what happened, and I want to give him a chance.”

Drew rolled his eyes. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but yes, James can be a really nice guy. He was fun to be around and he could be really generous. But I’ll never trust him again because of what he did.”

Mum seemed bothered, but she didn’t ask any more questions.

“Okay, Rick. My turn. I’d like to hear what happened to you. I’d like to know how someone could have trashed you the same way James trashed me, and you still find it in you to give James a chance.” Drew had a rare expression on his face. He was being serious.

I glanced at Mum and then used her as an excuse to give myself time to think. “Later.”

Drew caught on and grinned. “Okay, later.”

* * *

“Thanks, Claire. We’ll see you tomorrow.” I hung up the phone.

Drew was sitting next to me on my bed and resumed running his hand up the back of my shirt. I had made him stop while I was talking to Claire, but he took the end of that conversation as the cue to continue.

“What did she end up saying?” Drew asked before leaning forward to nibble on my earlobe.

“She thanked me for letting her know, and for giving her some time to think. I had the impression that she’s not going to go out with Keith, at least not yet, but she won’t object if he wants to hang out when we’re in a group.” I pushed Drew away. “Will you please stop? I can’t concentrate when you’re doing that.”

Drew’s grin showed no regret. “That’s the idea.”

“I’ve still got to ring James.”

Drew scowled. “You really know how to kill the spirit, don’t you?” He sighed heavily. “Okay, let’s get this over and done with so we can have some quality Drew-and-Rick time.”

I lifted my phone. “Oh, shit, I don’t have his number. I’m going to have to look it up. What’s his last name?”

Drew gave me a funny look. “Stephenson, but don’t bother. They’ve got a silent number.”

“I’ll have to talk with him tomorrow, then, either before or after the first class.” That was one of the classes that I shared with James. I couldn’t believe I had been so stupid as to get everything set up and then failed to get James’s number.

Drew held out his hand. “Give me your phone.”

I handed it over. He punched in a number and then handed it back. “Just don’t tell him I still remember it.”

I stared. Drew avoided my gaze for a couple of seconds and then looked me in the eyes. “I had the number on speed dial for a year, but there were enough times that my phone battery went flat that I got used to dialing it on other phones. It doesn’t mean anything, Rick, honest!”

I smiled. “It’s okay, Drew. I wasn’t upset, just surprised. That’s all.” I glanced down at the phone. “Let’s get this done.”

“And then you can tell me about the boy who ripped your heart in half.” Drew’s statement came over as fact, as if I was going to tell the story and he wasn’t going anywhere until I had.

I hit the dial button without responding. I was going to need some time to work out what to say.

“G’day.” James’s tone was lazy and relaxed, even though he could have no way of knowing who was calling.

“Hi, James, this is Rick. I’m here with Drew.” Drew had started waving his arms frantically, and then stopped and rolled his eyes when I didn’t take the hint quick enough. “We were wondering if you were doing anything on Thursday after school?”

“Rick! This is a pleasant surprise. No, I’m free. What did you have in mind?” James sounded eager.

“Would you like to come to my place for a while?”

“Sure! Will Drew be there?”

“Yes, he’ll be here,” I said, so that Drew would know what was being discussed. He frowned for a moment and then smiled. He moved up next to me and slipped his hand up the back of my shirt. I had my suspicions as to what his next move was going to be.

“Great, I think. Tell him… no, I’ll tell him myself on Thursday. Thanks for the invite, Rick. Do you want to give me the address now, or later?”

Drew started nibbling on my ear again.

I pulled the phone away. “Drew, stop it!” When I got back to James, I heard him chuckling.

“I’ll get it later, Rick. It sounds like Drew’s got other plans. Thanks again, and I’m looking forward to getting together on Thursday.” James hung up before I could say anything.

When I put the phone down, Drew stopped what he was doing. I suspected he was being a touch possessive and didn’t like the idea of his boyfriend talking with his ex. I couldn’t think of a way to alleviate his concerns without coming clean, so I let the matter drop. “He’ll be here on Thursday.”

Rather than answer, Drew got off the bed and closed the door. I hadn’t been asked by my parents to keep the door open when Drew was with me, but I did most of the time. It seemed to make my mother happier.

Drew then stripped off his shirt.

“Drew! What are you doing?” I found myself edging away and then made myself stop.

Drew grinned. “Getting comfortable.” He put his hands on the button of his jeans. “Would you like me to continue getting comfortable, or will you tell me what got you so upset after school?”

I froze. Drew had caught me in a trap. He knew I wasn’t ready for sex — a massive understatement — and he was using that to get me to talk. For a moment, I wondered if it was time to come clean and live with the consequences, but the memories that had hit me earlier were still floating around in my mind. I couldn’t do it.

Drew undid the button. He put his hand on the zipper and started to edge it down.

I pushed myself back to the far edge of the bed and then patted the spot next to me. “Come here.”

Drew didn’t hesitate. He bounded onto the bed. “Jeans on or off?”

I put my arms around him and made us both lie down. “Jeans on.” I held onto him, not relishing the feel of his skin, but rather relaxing into a friend.

“Are you ready to talk about it?” he asked gently. “I really only started to get over things when I was able to tell Sue how I felt.”

I sighed. In his own way, Drew was trying to be helpful. “Do you mind if I keep a few things to myself?”

“Of course I don’t mind. But keeping everything in isn’t healthy. I know — been there, done that.”

“It was a couple of years ago. Things hadn’t been going well at the new school and I was starting to get depressed. Then one of the girls started to show an interest in me.”

“A girl!” Drew then relaxed. “Of course. You weren’t out there, either. I keep forgetting that. Go on.” He gave me a light kiss.

“It was a setup. She led me on for a couple of weeks, and then trashed me in front of most of the school. She trashed me so badly that no one would have anything to do with me after that.” I started to shake as the emotions ran through me again. I held onto Drew tightly — he was someone I knew I could trust, even though there had been a time when I had thought I could never again trust another person.

“What did she say? You don’t have to tell me, but it might be good to get it off your chest.”

I rested my head on Drew’s chest and wished that I was gay. Drew was so kind and caring that I wanted to be what he thought I was.

I opened up and told him about the birthday party. I explained how the girl who led me on had told the school I was a pervert, and how that was the final straw as far as my social life was concerned. That was the start of two years of isolation, broken only by abuse — mainly verbal, but occasionally physical.

Drew told me about how isolated he had felt when he thought that being gay would risk the loss of friends and family.

We lay there, my arms around someone I trusted, his arms around his boyfriend, sharing confidences.

After a time, I glanced at my bedside clock. “Shit! You’re going to be late for training.”

“That’s not really important.” Drew pulled me in closer. I expected him to start kissing, but he only held me.

“Thanks, Drew. I really mean that — it’s been good having you here — but you should get going. I don’t want you getting into trouble because of me.” I disengaged his arms and slid off the bed, holding onto the edge to keep my balance.

He smiled. “As distinct from getting into trouble for other reasons?” The following chuckle made it clear it was a rhetorical question. “Okay, then. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He moved over to my side of the bed, stood up, and kissed me. The embrace felt good and both of us were reluctant to end it. It was eventually up to me to push him gently away.

After he left, I gave myself some time to regain my composure and then went out to join my mum in the kitchen.

“How are you feeling, dear?” Mum asked as she made chicken schnitzels for dinner.

“I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” She wiped her hands on her apron while giving me a searching stare. “Have you and Drew had a fight?”

“I’m fine! We’re fine!”

“You know you can talk to me or your father if you need to. Drew’s a nice boy, but if he’s making you unhappy, I’m sure you can find someone else.”

“Drew and I are fine! We had a long and personal talk about things just now, which is why the door was closed, if that’s what’s bothering you.”

She dropped her gaze and resumed work on getting dinner ready. “It wasn’t. No, that’s not right. I’m sorry, yes, it did bother me, but I told myself it was none of my business. But now I can’t help notice that your eyes are red. Was it something he said, or did?”

I dropped onto one the bar stools by the kitchen bench. I couldn’t stay angry with her, because, like Drew, she was just concerned for me. It would have been nice if she’d treated me like an adult, but I would accept a few flaws in my mum.

“No, it wasn’t. I was telling him about some of the things that happened at my last school. Remembering them was what got me upset.”

She stopped what she was doing, to give me a hug. “I didn’t know it was still affecting you.”

“Thanks, Mum,” I said as she let go. It had felt awkward, but I wasn’t going to tell her that I might be getting too old for hugs from my mum. “Most of the time, it doesn’t. I just got caught by surprise today. Drew’s been a great help — he’s a good listener.”

Mum looked away and headed back to the other side of the bench. “He seems a nice boy. It’s just that he’s…”

“That he’s a guy?” I took her grimace as agreement. “I didn’t choose this, Mum. Yeah, I know you’d prefer me to be going out with a girl,” and so would I, “but Drew’s a great guy in his own right. I’m proud to have him as a friend, and I hope that never changes. I can’t say we’ll stay a couple, but I want him to always be a friend.”

“He’s made you happy, and that trumps my reservations.” Mum smiled at me, though I could see she still had concerns. “I hope things work out for you.”

“Thanks, Mum.” I smiled and then clambered off the stool. “I’ve got some homework I have to do, so call me when dinner’s ready.”

I went back to my room, closed the door, and fired up the computer. I had some homework, but it wasn’t school-assigned. I had been putting it off, but the time with Drew, and then the chat with my mum, had pushed the issue forward.

I took a deep breath and then did a search on gay sex. I had to find out what I might be asked to do in the future, and try to work out if I was capable of doing it.

Twenty minutes later, I had a couple of answers. The first was that I definitely wasn’t gay. While I got aroused at a couple of the pictures I looked at, that was due to imagining a girl doing those things, not a guy. The second was that there were certainly some things I wasn’t prepared for Drew to do to me.

I sat back and stared at the picture on the screen. I wasn’t completely put off by what I saw, though there was no way I could call it erotic. The question I had in my mind was whether I could do that with Drew.

I was still thinking when there was a knock at the door. “Rick? It’s dinner time,” Dad called out.

“Coming!” I got up and turned back to the bed to get my crutches.

The door opened and my dad stuck his head in. “I’ve also had an idea about the party. What do you…”

I glanced over at him when his voice trailed off. I then followed his gaze to the computer screen. I had been concentrating so much on what to do about Drew that I had forgotten to close the browser window.

“It’s not what you think!” I said quickly.

He entered and closed the door behind him. “I thought I had warned you against visiting inappropriate sites, Rick.” He sounded more disappointed than angry.

“I know, it’s just… well, I don’t… I’ve never been told anything about… How am I supposed to learn what to do if I can’t look it up?”

Dad’s expression altered, but I couldn’t work out what it meant. He stepped over, sat down in front of the computer, and typed in a web address. He then got up. “You can check out that site for anything you want. Those others are off limits until you’re eighteen. Understood?”

I peered at the screen. He had brought up a site on safe sex – safe gay sex. I gave him what I hoped was an appreciative smile. “Understood. Thanks, Dad.” I raised an eyebrow. “How come you know about that site?”

He smiled and shrugged sheepishly. “We had our chat about girls a few years ago, but parts of that chat aren’t relevant now. I realised I couldn’t offer you any advice on a number of things you might ask about, so I went searching. That’s the best one I could find to help you out. I’ve been trying to work out how to tell you about it, and you’ve just made that easier for me.”

I moved to the keyboard and bookmarked the page. “This is what I was looking for, thanks! I promise I won’t look at the other sites.”

Dad reached behind the computer and pulled out the wireless receiver. “You certainly won’t for the next few days. If you need Internet access, you can use the computer in the living room.” He gave me a critical stare. “Your mother and I will discuss whether any other punishment is warranted.”

“Punishment!”

“You broke the rules. If you complain, you’ll definitely get more punishment. Now, it’s dinner time. We’ll discuss this later.” His hard expression softened. “I realise that some of this is new to you, and you’re eager to experiment, but please trust me. You and Drew haven’t been going out long enough to get involved sexually. Give it some more time before you try anything. By all means, check out that site so you’ll be prepared, but wait as long as you can.”

“Okay, Dad. I’ll wait.”

I’d wait a couple of years, if I could, but I wasn’t sure that Drew would hold off that long.

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