Leopard Spots

Chapter 17

Ty checked the house number as he parked his car. “Yep, this is the place. A pity I turned down the BMW. Now that would’ve created a good first impression.”

Karen chuckled. “You would’ve had to explain how you happen to own a brand-new luxury car, but I’m sure you would’ve been up to the task.”

“Easily done. I’ve got friends who own a BMW dealership.” He sighed. “A pity it’s just a dream. Still, it would’ve been nice.”

“Do you regret turning down the offer?”

“A little, but it was the right thing to do.” Ty shrugged. “It’s done. Now it’s time to help out Neil.”

After getting out and locking the car, Ty took Karen’s hand and opened the gate leading to the front door of the single-story redbrick house. The garden was neat without being fastidious. The path across the lawn was bordered by a low box hedge that would need trimming soon.

“Do I look okay?” Karen asked as they paused in front of the house.

Ty grinned. “Stupid question. Next?”

Karen chuckled and gave Ty a light punch in the arm. “I’m being serious.”

“So was I. You look wonderful. You always do.”

“Ty…” Karen glowered. “We need to create a good impression. Now, how do I look?”

Ty gave her a quick kiss. “The same as always.” He stepped back and eyed her critically. “You’re fine. If you want a detailed critique, we’ll have to do that another time, but don’t worry.”

Karen gave him a weak smile. “Okay, ring the bell.”

Before Ty could push the button, the door opened. “Ty, Karen! Come in.”

“G’day, Neil.” Ty made sure he wiped his shoes well before entering the house. “Have you met Karen before?”

Neil smiled. “No, but her picture’s on your Facebook page.”

Ty paused before continuing into the house. That comment explained how Neil knew about Karen, something that had been bothering him.

Karen stepped forward and gave Neil a peck on the cheek. “It’s nice to meet you, Neil. Ty’s told me a lot about you.”

Neil visibly swallowed as his eyes flicked towards Ty and back to Karen. “Oh?”

Karen smiled. “Nothing for you to worry about.” She leaned across and whispered something in his ear.

Neil relaxed, and his smile returned. “Thanks, Karen.” He took a step down the hallway, glancing over his shoulder as he went. “Come on. I’ll introduce you to the folks.”

He took them into the lounge room. An older, muscular, and casually dressed man clambered out of his chair as they entered. “G’day! I’m Phil, Neil’s father.” His face was weathered with still a hint of a tan despite summer being over.

Ty stepped forward and stuck out a hand. “Pleased to meet you, sir. I’m Ty, and this is my girlfriend, Karen.” There was a vague familiarity about the older gentleman that Ty discounted. He couldn’t see how they would ever have met before.

Phillip Rosewood smiled as he gave Ty a firm handshake. Ty could feel the calluses of someone who did a lot of manual work. “Pleased to meet you. Neil tells me that the two of you are going off to play some football in the park later.” He glanced at Karen, a faint frown on his face.

“That’s right. Unfortunately, Karen works Sunday afternoons and won’t be with us. After we drop Karen at the train station, Neil and I will be off to join another friend and his family to kick around a footy for an hour or two.”

“Ah…gotcha.” Mr. Rosewood smiled at Karen. “What do you do that makes you work the weekend?”

“Phil, enough!” Mrs. Rosewood entered the room, carrying a tray of cakes and slices. She was wearing a smart but subdued dress over which had been placed a clean apron. “Let the poor girl settle before you start in on twenty questions.” She smiled at Ty and Karen. “I’m sorry you can’t stay for lunch, but I thought a quick snack before you go would be nice. The kettle’s on, so would you like tea or coffee?”

“Coffee, please. White, no sugar.” Ty smiled while trying to reconcile the two friendly people in front of him with the pair of homophobes that Neil had described.

“Black tea with one, if that’s okay,” Karen said.

“Of course, it’s okay.” Mrs. Rosewood stared at the side table next to her husband and then at him. He took the hint and moved the various fitness magazines to the floor so she could put the tray down. She then smiled at her husband and Neil. “Your usual?”

When both confirmed, she disappeared back the way she came.

“What do you do for a living, Ty?” Mr. Rosewood asked as he resumed his seat. He waved a hand to indicate that everyone should sit down.

“I work in a warehouse part-time, shifting goods and doing other general-labouring jobs.”

Phillip Rosewood grinned. “I thought so. You look like you do real work, not like the pansy paper shufflers that I sometimes encounter.” He rolled his eyes. “Some of them couldn’t do the simplest of plumbing jobs, so they call me whenever something goes wrong. I don’t mind the money, but you’d think they’d take the time to learn how do some of the easy stuff.”

“Do you work for yourself, Mr. Rosewood?” Karen asked.

“Please, call me Phil. No, I’m part of a general-contracting firm. I tried going out on my own before Neil was born, but I hated the paperwork. Made good money, enough for a decent deposit on this house, but I spent too much time doing bookwork and not enough time getting my hands dirty.” He smiled at Ty. “I think you probably know what I mean.”

Ty chuckled. “Yeah, I do. Bookwork isn’t for everyone. It’s still important, though. One of my te…friends is really smart, and he’s going to uni to get a degree. He works hard, too, even if it’s a type of work that’s alien to me.”

Karen coughed…loudly.

Ty grinned. “And, of course, Karen also goes to uni. The same one as Charlie, actually.”

Mr. Rosewood frowned. “I thought you were working?”

Karen smiled. “I’m working part-time at the Royal Children’s Hospital to help pay the bills while studying fulltime. By working weekends and some nights, I make enough to keep me going.”

Mrs. Rosewood entered the room with another tray, this one with three mugs and two cups. “Are you doing nursing, dear?”

Karen chuckled. “No, but that’s what most people guess when I tell them. I’m doing a psychology degree, and I work in the medical-records department at the hospital, filing and locating patient records mainly for the emergency department. I don’t work with any of the kids myself.”

“My apologies, I didn’t introduce myself when you came in. I’m Mary, Neil’s mum.” Mrs. Rosewood placed the tray on another small table and then smiled as she handed one of the cups to Karen. “Here you are. Black tea, one sugar.”

“Thank you.”

Mary gave Ty one of the mugs. “White coffee, no sugar.”

Ty smiled. “Thanks, Mrs. Rosewood.”

“My name’s Mary.” She smiled. “Don’t forget to have something to eat.”

“I won’t. They look scrumptious.” Ty picked up the plate of assorted slices and held it out for Karen to select a piece. He then served Neil and Mrs. Rosewood, who had by that stage settled down with their own drinks. Mr. Rosewood had already taken a small slice of carrot cake for himself.

Neil’s father frowned. “You know, I can’t help thinking that I’ve seen you before, Ty. For the life of me, though, I can’t remember where.”

Ty’s eyes flicked to Neil, who was obviously tense. Ty smiled at Mr. Rosewood. “I live out near Lilydale. Maybe you’ve seen me around there?” He wondered if they’d met in passing at some point in the past.

“Nah, not likely. I’m not out that way very much. I do most of my work closer to the city.” He shook his head and then grinned. “It’ll come to me eventually. In the meantime, how did you meet Neil? He hasn’t said a lot.”

Ty shrugged. “I’m friends with someone he works with. Worked with, I suppose. Da…” He faked a cough. “…Darren’s moving on to a new job, and Neil’s taken over his position.” Ty turned to Karen and gave her a private grimace. He’d almost put his foot in it by using Jim’s nickname.

“But Neil’s only working there until the end of the school holidays. How is he replacing someone else?” Mrs. Rosewood asked.

“Mr. O’Grady’s looking long term, Mum.” Neil grinned nervously. “He’s thinking of using a number of part-timers, rather than one fulltime employee. He’s not making a final decision until the end of next week, though.”

“I see…” It was clear she wasn’t convinced by Neil’s answer, but she wasn’t arguing. “And Darren introduced you to Ty?”

“That’s right. Ty, Todd, and the others.” Neil glanced nervously at Ty and Karen.

Karen smiled. “They’re a great bunch of guys, Phil, Mary. Neil and I are lucky to have fallen in with them. Ty and I haven’t been going out for very long, but everyone in the group is really nice. A decent, hard-working bunch of guys.”

“How big is this group?” Neil’s father asked.

Karen chuckled. “It depends on how you count them. There are a few small groups within the larger set. Ty’s got maybe four or five close friends,” she glanced at Ty, who smiled and nodded, “but there’s probably another dozen good mates.”

“Ty, how did you all meet?” Mrs. Rosewood asked. “You must have something in common. Did you all go to the same school?”

Ty didn’t need to look at Neil to know he was going to have to answer the question carefully. “It’s one of those things where the group just grew. I knew a couple of the guys from when I was at school, and I met the others through them. It wasn’t a case of us all meeting at once, but a few joining the group over time.” Ty grinned sheepishly. “I’m also one of the new guys, so I don’t have all the history of what’s gone before.”

Ty decided to leave off mention of football. Neil’s father’s earlier comment about having seen him before made him nervous, and he didn’t want to suggest anything that might bring the connection to mind.

“Neil’s fitting into the group okay?” Mr. Rosewood asked. He glanced at his son. “Neil’s not exactly the physical type. I’ve tried to get him to join my gym so he can bulk up, but he says it’s not for him.”

Ty grinned. “Yeah, he’s fitting in fine. As for the gym, I’ll see what I can do to encourage him.” He turned to Neil. “That reminds me; Todd wanted to check if you’re able to stay at his place again sometime over Easter. He said Sean’s taken a liking to you and wants to play.”

Ty sensed a change in the atmosphere and realised he’d said something wrong. He wondered if Neil’s parents knew that Sean didn’t live with Todd. Ty didn’t think it would be long before Todd moved in with Lorraine, but he was stretching the truth by implying that they lived together.

“Sean is Todd’s six-year-old.” Neil gave a nervous chuckle. “I think he likes playing footy with me because I’m about his standard.”

Neil’s parents relaxed. “You need to get out of your room more, son.” Mr. Rosewood held a quick silent exchange with his wife. “Normally, we spend Easter as a family, but I don’t see why he can’t spend Easter with you and your friends. As long as he’s ready to start school again on the Tuesday, it should be fine.”

“But we’d like to meet Todd first if we can,” Mrs. Rosewood quickly added. “You seem like a nice boy, Ty, but Neil doesn’t get out much, and we don’t want him to fall in with the wrong sort of crowd.”

Karen smiled. “No fear of that, Mary, but we understand. Todd wanted to come here today, but it got a little difficult to organise at short notice.”

Neil grinned at his parents. “Thanks, Mum. Thanks, Dad.”

Mr. Rosewood smiled. “No problem, Neil.” He frowned at Ty. “I still can’t help thinking I’ve seen you before, though.”

* * *

Sam frowned as Deon drove down yet another suburban street. “Where are we going?”

Deon grunted and didn’t answer. Sam glanced at Marcus, who shrugged.

“Is Pamela meeting us there, wherever there is?” Sam glanced out the window as the car slowed and then pulled into a driveway.

“We’re here.” Deon climbed out without saying another word.

“I’m guessing that this is where he lives,” Marcus said as he undid his seat belt.

“I guess so.” Sam glanced across to where Deon was standing outside the driver’s door.

Deon grunted as he locked the car after Sam and Marcus had clambered out. “About fucking time.” Without waiting for a response, Deon marched to the front door.

“I don’t think this is going to go well,” Sam said quietly to Marcus as they followed.

“Give it a chance. Remember, he asked for this. Use it as an opportunity to get everything out in the open. It might be painful, but don’t leave him with any uncertainties.”

Sam sighed. Deon was the one in charge, and Deon knew it. Sam could only hope to come out of the day with some hope for the future.

“Sam, Marcus.” Pamela greeted them both with a light kiss to the cheek as they entered the house. “I’ve kept lunch simple so you can have a good chat with Deon.”

“I thought we were going out to a restaurant or café,” Marcus said as he glanced around. The house was decently presented, with a distinct casual, lived-in feel.

“Didn’t Deon tell you?” Pamela turned and scowled at her boyfriend. “Are you still playing petty games?”

Deon shrugged. “What difference did it make? They don’t know anywhere around here, so telling them where we’re having lunch wouldn’t have meant anything to them.”

Pamela gave Sam an apologetic half-smile. “Sorry, Sam. I offered to cook so you and Deon could have a chance to talk without interruption or constraints. Deon’s housemates have all kindly left for the day, so we’ve got the house to ourselves.”

“Thanks, Pamela.” Sam tried to give her a thankful smile. “What’s for lunch?”

“Some of us are having grilled chicken with a fresh salad.” She glared at Deon. “Someone else is currently in line for bread and water.”

Deon winced. “Sorry, Pamela.”

“I’m not the one you should be apologising to.”

Deon scowled. Pamela stood there, arms crossed, and waited. After several seconds, Deon sighed. “Sorry, Dad. Pamela wants the two of us to talk, and she thought it would be best if that was done in private. That’s why she volunteered to cook for us.”

Sam nodded, though he took note of the fact that Deon was claiming it was Pamela’s idea for a talk, not his. “Thanks again, Pamela. And thank you, Deon.”

“For what?” Deon’s abrasive tone was back.

“For giving me a chance.” Sam dropped his eyes. He found looking at Deon’s angry expression painful. He had made the comment to try to confirm Deon’s views, and it appeared his supposition was correct. Deon didn’t want the meeting.

“I haven’t fucking well given you a chance! I only agreed to talk!”

Pamela grabbed Deon by the arm. “That’s a start. Come on, everyone. Let’s sit down.”

A couple of minutes later, there was a frosty silence at the table. Deon and Sam were sitting opposite each other, while Marcus helped Pamela in the kitchen.

Sam sighed as he decided to get things started. “I should probably go first. Deon, I’m sorry for everything that’s happened. I should never have gotten married, because I caused too much pain in the long run, but I’m not sorry I had you, Teresa, and Jordan. All three of you are wonderful kids, and I’m proud of who you are. I’m especially proud of your mum for how she’s raised you. I would’ve liked to have had a part in that, but that would’ve caused her more pain, and I had already inflicted enough. I stayed with her for as long as I could, probably longer than I should’ve, but in the end it wasn’t who I am. I’m gay. I tried to love your mother the way she deserved to be loved, but I couldn’t do it.

“I’m sorry.” Sam’s head slumped. He was afraid to look Deon in the eye, though he was appreciative of the fact that his son hadn’t interrupted him.

There was silence. Even the noises from the kitchen had stopped. Everything seemed to be waiting for Deon to respond.

“Why?” Deon’s tone was harsh. “Why did you marry her, knowing you were gay?”

“Because…” Sam grimaced. “Because, in my own way, I loved her. I still do.” Sam turned his head to stare at Marcus. His lover was smiling encouragingly back at him. “It’s a different love, though to what she should have and a different love to what I share with Marcus.” He returned his attention to Deon, only to find his son with a cold, almost scowling face. “I was also a coward. I wasn’t ready to come out. I knew I preferred guys, but I couldn’t tell anyone.”

Sam growled at himself and shook his head. “No, that’s not quite right, either. I thought I could do it. I thought I could live a straight life. Your mother was…special. She cared about me in a way no one else had. I thought I’d found someone wonderful, and it was like that for a long time. But the pressure kept building up. I found myself checking out gay bars. Looking at guys. Having one-night stands and anonymous sex. I loved your mother, but I was looking elsewhere for something she couldn’t give me. I lived a double life for awhile…until I met Marcus. It was only then that I realised I was living a lie.”

Sam dropped his gaze to the tabletop. “Deon, if I hadn’t split up with your mum, I don’t know where we might’ve ended up. The worst-case scenario was that I continued to have those sexual encounters and maybe catch HIV. I can’t forgive myself for what I put your mum through, but it’s still a hundred percent better than what might’ve happened. Giving her AIDS because I couldn’t stop myself from having sex with guys would’ve been much, much, worse.”

Sam looked up at the sound of Deon’s chair scraping on the floor. Deon was standing and had moved over to stare out the window at the backyard.

“Deon?”

Deon didn’t answer. He just stood there.

“Shit!” Sam and Deon turned as one, to see Pamela furiously turning over pieces of chicken. “Sorry, guys, but the grilled chicken may be slightly charcoaled on one side.”

Deon chuckled. “That’s fine. It’s a little like how I feel at the moment.”

Pamela glanced up before returning her attention to the food. “What do you mean?”

“Not quite right. Not balanced. Not sure what anything means anymore.”

Marcus smiled. “I think it might be a good idea to have a short break.” He pointed to where he’d placed plates, cutlery, and glasses. “Sam, Deon, how about you two set the table?”

Sam chuckled, though his heart wasn’t really in it. “Okay.” He glanced at Deon, who scowled back. Sam sighed as he looked away and picked up the glasses. He was surprised when Deon reached past him to collect the plates. Deon’s expression was cold, but he shared the chore with Sam. Silently, the two got the table ready for lunch.

“Marcus, did you ever have a girlfriend?” Deon asked once the table was set.

“Not really. During school, there were some girls I hung out with, but nothing remotely serious. I was lucky. I had enough self-confidence and belief in my family to come out in my early twenties. But I understand what Sam’s been through. A lot of guys I’ve met over the years tell similar stories.”

Deon scowled. “Getting married and having kids?”

“No, but the double life is common. From what Jim’s told us, he was the same.”

Deon grimaced and looked away. “Yeah, I know…”

“Even today, it can be tough, but it was a lot harder back in the late 80s, Deon. Australia wasn’t as accepting as it is today, and today it’s still no bed of roses. Back then there were safe pockets, but most gay guys kept a low profile until they could get away to one of those areas.” Marcus’s smile was sad. “Society has a way of putting pressure on people. It might be too early, but has anyone spoken to you about getting married?”

Deon’s head snapped around. His mouth dropped open.

“Is that a yes or no? You’re straight, Deon, and I’m guessing that’s a yes and you’re starting to feel the pressure from society to settle down and have kids. You might be able to resist, but when you’re hiding a secret, it’s too easy to give into that pressure and get married, even if you’re gay. Especially if you think you can convince yourself you can be straight.”

Pamela nudged Marcus and handed him a large garden salad with a couple of serving spoons. “Lunch is ready.” She turned back and picked up a pair of tongs along with a shallow dish filled with grilled chicken breasts. Once both were on the table, she smiled at the three guys. “Dig in.”

Sam waited until everyone else had served themselves before he grabbed a small piece of chicken and some salad. He glanced at Deon across the table from him, but his son was busy concentrating on his food.

“Delicious!” Deon grinned at his girlfriend. “Thank you.”

She grinned. “A little better than the bread and water you almost got?”

Deon laughed. “Definitely! Note to self: Don’t antagonise the cook.”

Marcus chuckled. “Always a good rule.”

“Who does the cooking between you two?” Pamela asked.

“We split it fairly evenly. Sam does a little more than me, mainly because I have a tendency to get home after him, but I try to make up for that on weekends, or by taking him out for dinner occasionally.”

Deon frowned. “Mum always did our cooking. I’ve had a crash course in the subject over the last few months now that I’m not living at home.”

“Your mum loves cooking,” Sam said. “She wouldn’t let me in the kitchen most of the time.”

Deon chuckled, though he was looking at Pamela, not Sam. “I remember when Mum organised a lunch for my junior football team. She had everything planned out and was working on it all week. Afterwards, the other guys wanted her to do it every month.”

Pamela grinned. “I hope you don’t expect that from me. I don’t mind cooking, but it’s not a passion.”

The conversation continued to stay on safe subjects while the four ate their meals. Sam noticed that Deon never addressed him directly in the conversation, but his son wasn’t ignoring him.

It was only after Deon finished his lunch and pushed his plate away that he stared across the table at Sam. “I don’t know you.”

Pamela and Marcus fell silent. The only sound they made was the occasional clinking of the knife and fork on the ceramic plates.

Sam winced. “I know.”

“I’m not sure I want to know you. I trusted you, and you walked out on me.”

“I understand. But if you’ll–”

Deon cut him off. “It’s my turn to talk.” He took a deep breath and dropped his gaze. His hands started playing with the knife on his empty plate, rotating it left and right. “When I needed you, you weren’t there. You were gone, and you weren’t coming back. I hated you.”

Sam stiffened with hope as he realised Deon had said ‛hated’, not ‛hate’.

“I largely got over that, but now you’re back.” Deon looked up and scowled at Sam. “I don’t know what to do. You hurt me, and I don’t want to give you the opportunity to do it to me again. Other people are telling me I should give you a chance, that you had your reasons. They might be right…but I can’t trust you.”

“What do you want me to do?” Sam’s tone was torn between frustration and beseeching.

“I. Don’t. Fucking. Know!” Deon grabbed his hair. “You’ve got me all confused. I’d like to be able to trust you, but I can’t forget what you did. I don’t want to risk getting hurt again.” He dropped his arms and then his head and shoulders. “I don’t fucking know what I want.”

Pamela patted Deon’s arm. “You don’t have to rush into anything.”

Marcus reached over and took Sam’s hand. He squeezed once and smiled before he turned to Deon. “Trust is easily lost and not so easily regained. Sam’s not asking for anything this instant, Deon. For now, just don’t shut him out. Give him the chance to show he’s trustworthy, that he’s someone you can be comfortable calling ‛Dad’. It won’t happen quickly – we all know that – but it won’t happen at all if you don’t give him a chance. That’s all we’re asking.”

Deon lifted his head and stared at Marcus. He glanced once at Sam and then turned to Pamela. He put his hand on top of hers. “What should I do?”

Pamela smiled. “What Marcus suggested. You don’t have to trust him, but give him the chance to show you what sort of person he is. It mightn’t be the same person that the nine-year-old remembers.”

Deon stared at her for almost half a minute. His face flicked between expressions of anger, hope, worry, and fear, before finally settling on one of determination.

“Okay.”

* * *

Ty grinned as he answered his phone. “Karen! Is there something wrong? We only dropped you off an hour ago.”

“Ty, is this a good time to talk? I wasn’t sure if I should say anything in front of Neil, which is why I’ve waited until now.”

Ty frowned as he glanced across to where Neil and Sean were playing kick-to-kick. He took a few steps away, although there was no real chance that Neil would be able to overhear the conversation. “Neil’s busy, so yeah, we can talk.”

“Did you recognise Neil’s father? It took me a little while to remember where I’d seen him before. It was when we went to that Indian restaurant in Ringwood with Stacey and Charlie.”

“I thought he looked familiar, but I wasn’t sure why. What about that dinner?”

“Do you remember the guy who made a fuss about the vindaloo being too hot?”

Ty’s eyes widened. “Shit! Yeah, now I remember. He was being an areshole to the staff.”

“That’s him, I’m sure of it. He made some homophobic remarks at the time, too, if I remember correctly.”

Ty’s head started to nod slowly. “He did. I had trouble working out why Neil thought his parents would hate him if they found out he’s gay, because they seemed like decent people, but he’s probably right. His father, at least, doesn’t think much of gays.” He paused. “Do you think that Neil’s father remembers me from the restaurant, too? He said I looked familiar.”

“No, that one’s more worrying, and I’m kicking myself that I didn’t think of it before we went. My guess is he saw you on TV when you were doing interviews with Jim after he came out. If he ever remembers that, Neil’s going to be in potential trouble, because that’s a direct link to Jim.”

“Shit!” Ty put a hand to his head. “What can we do?”

“Nothing. It’s done. All we can do is hope Neil’s dad won’t remember. The less he sees you, the less chance he’ll remember.”

“That’s easily done. Todd can take over as the main person they see. He wasn’t on national TV. I’ll stay away.” Ty’s chuckle was rueful. “I knew I shouldn’t mention football to Neil’s father, and now I know why.”

“Should we tell Neil?”

Ty gave it some thought. “There’s no point mentioning the restaurant. Neil doesn’t need to know we saw that. We can mention the TV and suggest he try to avoid mentioning anything to do with football when he talks about us.”

“That’s about all I could come up with, too.” There was a short pause. “I can’t imagine what it must be like for him. Living in a house when he knows his father’s going to hate him.”

Ty grimaced. “I can. Been there.” He put on a sarcastic tone. “After all, it was all my fault that I didn’t make the AFL. My old man had nothing to do with it.”

“Oh, Ty… Leave him behind. Sometimes you just need to move on.”

“And that’s what Neil’s planning.” Ty glanced over to where Todd, Neil, and Sean were laughing together as Todd pretended to be successfully tackled by the other two. “I think I now have a little better understanding of why he’s like he is. Neil needs someone like Dad to sort him out.”

“But not Jim. Neil’s emotions are too caught up for that to work.”

“No, not Dad. Todd seems to be doing a good job, though. Maybe he’ll be enough to get Neil back on his feet.”

* * *

Tony ran a hand lightly over Jim’s bare chest as the two lay on Tony’s bed, the doona cover pulled up to their waists. Tony chuckled when Jim grabbed his hand.

“That tickles.”

Tony grinned. “You’ve got a few ticklish spots.” He slipped his other hand under the cover, only to have that grabbed, too.

“Stop it!” Jim smiled and gave Tony a slow kiss. “Haven’t you had enough?”

“Of you? Definitely not.” Tony rested his head against Jim’s shoulder. “I hope I never do.”

“That wasn’t what I meant.” Jim slipped an arm behind Tony’s back and cradled his boyfriend against him.

“I know. It’s just that we’re not getting a lot of opportunities to spend quality time together, just the two of us. I don’t want these moments to end.”

Jim frowned. “Do you mean sex? If you do, then–”

Tony put a finger on Jim’s lips. “Not the sex. I’m talking ‛us time’. Most of the time we’re together, there’s someone else around, too. I’m concerned that when we do get time to ourselves, we’re jumping into bed. I love it – don’t get me wrong – but I want to get to know all of you, not just your body.” He chuckled. “Having said that, I’m the one who was about to start the foreplay again.”

Jim sighed. “I understand. Life’s slowing down, at least. The new sponsorship and the school-clinic program won’t keep me as occupied as I was, so we’ll be able to do things like go out for lunch together, or maybe a run.” He grinned as he grabbed hold of the skin above Tony’s hip. “We could both do with more exercise.”

Tony slapped his hand away. “That’s not fair. What’s your body-fat percentage at the moment? It must be minimal, because there’s certainly nothing for me to grab onto – there, at least.” He gave Jim’s chest a kiss. “But exercise is certainly something we can do together. We just need to coordinate our schedules.”

“How about Tuesday morning? I’ll be at the club to use the gym. If you’re free, we can train together.”

Tony chuckled. “I’m free, but you’re not. You’ve forgotten, haven’t you? Tuesday’s when you’re doing the interview and photo shoot for Men’s Health.”

Jim groaned. “Damn it! Why did I agree to do that?” He glowered at Tony. “And that reminds me: I’ve got the other one on Thursday. At least, you’re not letting them take any nudes. I wouldn’t do it if they had insisted.”

“You agreed because you’re a good person. You know what benefit those photo shoots will have, especially for guys like Neil and Liam. That’s why you’re doing it, and that’s why you’re doing the school clinics. You’re thinking of more than just yourself.”

Jim sighed and put his hands behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling.

“What are you thinking about now?” Tony asked.

“Just wondering how things went with Neil this morning. Ty and Karen were going around there to meet Neil’s parents. It obviously wasn’t a complete disaster because no one sent me a text, but it’s important to Neil that it all goes well.”

“Is the plan still to find him a place to stay so he can move out of home?”

“Yeah… Todd wants Neil to stay with him, but he doesn’t want that to happen until it’s necessary. He’s going to try to convince Neil to stick it out for as long as he can, not just get up and move on his birthday like he currently plans.”

“I hope it all works out. Neil’s a little…strange.”

Jim chuckled as he rolled onto an elbow to look down at Tony. “You mean, he’s a little jealous of you. The guy’s got a crush, and I need to handle him with kid gloves to make sure he doesn’t get the wrong impression. He’s trying hard to hide it after making it too blatant on Monday, but I saw how he looked at you on Friday night at Todd’s place.”

Tony lay back and stared at the ceiling while nestling against his boyfriend’s body. “Would it upset you if I admit to being a little jealous, myself?”

“What, you? Why?”

Tony gave a snort of laughter. “Because I’m hopeless, and I don’t like the idea that someone else wants you. And I’m pathetic, because I don’t think Neil has a chance with you, but I still had to keep an eye on him all night Friday to make sure he didn’t try anything.”

Jim chuckled. “You don’t have to worry about that. You don’t have to worry about anyone. I owe you too much, Tony. I’m not going to do anything to hurt you.”

Tony turned his head to stare at his boyfriend. “What do you mean, you owe me?”

Jim’s return smile was soft. His eyes were moist. “Because you saved me. I was going crazy hiding myself away. You showed me who I could be and then let me become that person. I owe you, and I also trust you. You’re the one I want by my side,” Jim grinned, “and in my bed. I can’t imagine myself with anyone else.”

Tony slipped a hand behind Jim’s head and kissed him, long and slow. Both were breathing hard when they made an unspoken agreement to stop and separate.

Tony chuckled. “I know I was saying before that I didn’t want our relationship to be all about sex, but with you it’d be so easy.”

Jim laughed. “Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.”

“Change of topic?” Tony suggested.

“Agreed. Or rather, back to the one we were on before we got side-tracked. I’m curious as to what the brat thinks of Neil’s parents.”

“You trust him a lot, don’t you? Ty, I mean.”

Jim smiled. “Yeah, I do. The brat’s really turned the corner. You didn’t get to see him at his obnoxious worst, but he was pretty bad. Having met his father, I’m a little surprised Ty managed to come through as unscathed as he has. He must’ve been repressing things for a long time, and now that he’s out from under his father’s thumb, he’s changing into the sort of person he should’ve been from Day One. The brat still has his moments, but overall he’s a decent human being.”

“Speaking of fathers, I wonder what’s going on with Deon and Sam.” Tony glanced at the bedside clock. “Sam and Marcus should be on their way to the airport by now.”

“We’ll find out tonight, assuming Deon wants to talk about it.”

“We? Am I invited back to your place?” Tony’s tone was teasing.

Jim chuckled. “Always. I love having you with me, no matter where it is.” He gave Tony another kiss. “Glenda also said that no one would raise an eyebrow if you moved in with me.”

Tony stiffened and started to move away. He quickly returned and rested his head on Jim’s shoulder. “I’d love to, but it’s too early. I want this relationship to be more than physical.”

Jim gave him a squeeze. “It is. What are we doing now? We’re together, in private, and while we’re both naked, we’re talking about things like a couple would do. Sex is good, great even, but it’s not what underpins things from my perspective. It’s the icing. The part I love most about our relationship, though, is simply being together. Knowing you’re there, that you care for me, that you look out for me – that’s what I like most.”

Tony lifted himself up on his elbow so he could look down on Jim. “You left out one. I also love you.”

Jim swallowed and then smiled. “And I…I love you, too.” He grinned as he slid a hand slowly down Tony’s chest. “Now that that’s been said, how about some more icing?”

* * *

Jarrod poked his head into the lounge room and then returned to the kitchen. “He’s still drinking.”

“I wonder why?” Charlie frowned. “Do you think I should ask?”

Jarrod grimaced. “You’re the only one he still talks to, Charlie. If he won’t tell you, he’s not going to tell anyone.”

“And that’s why I don’t want to push him. I’m already pushing Dave enough on other stuff. Unless it’s important, I don’t want to risk putting him offside.”

“Give it a go,” Owen said. “Don’t push but see if he’s willing to tell you. We’ll stay here so you two can talk in private.”

Charlie grunted. “If he talks at all.” He sighed and gave his housemates a quick glance, trying to take in some confidence from their presence. “Okay, here I go.”

Charlie slipped into the lounge room. Dave was sitting in his usual chair, an open bottle of Jack Daniel’s on the small table to his left, the TV remote control in his right hand, and a sour expression on his face. The television was on to some mindless show that Charlie was sure Dave wasn’t really watching.

“Dave?”

“Go away.”

“I just wanted to see if there was anything I could do.”

Dave turned his head and glowered at Charlie. “I said…go away!”

Charlie cringed and dropped his head. “If that’s what you want.”

He was at the door and almost out of the room when Dave responded in an almost melancholy tone. “It’s what I need.”

Charlie glanced back. Dave’s attention was back on the television. Charlie watched for almost a minute before Dave snarled at him. “Go!” Dave picked up the bottle of Jack Daniel’s and took a hefty swig of whiskey. The bottle was placed back on the table with enough force to be overheard above the noise from the television.

Charlie nodded, though Dave’s attention had already moved on, and returned to the kitchen. Jarrod’s and Owen’s hopeful expressions faded as soon as they saw Charlie’s face.

“Fuck! Did he say anything?” Jarrod asked.

“Not much. Just that he needed to be left alone. There’s not much we can do if he won’t open up.”

“Charlie’s right.” Owen sighed. “All we can do is keep an eye on him. Just in case, though, I think I’ll go to his room and grab his car keys. He’s in no state to drive, and I don’t want to take any risks that he might decide to head out.”

“What happens in the morning, when he has to go to work?” Jarrod asked.

“He’ll find his keys on the kitchen table, where he must’ve left them sometime today.” Owen caught Charlie’s and Jarrod’s eyes. “Agreed?”

“Agreed.” Charlie wasn’t happy, but Owen’s plan made sense, or at least as much sense as anything else to do with Dave did.

Jarrod just nodded.

* * *

Mrs. Rosewood smiled as Neil entered the kitchen. “Hello, honey. How was your day?”

“Great!” Neil grinned. “If he keeps going the way he’s going, Sean’s going to be a lot better than me by the end of the year.”

His mother frowned for a moment and then smiled. “Sean. He’s the six-year-old, isn’t he?”

“Yep. Six, and he idolises Todd. If Todd tells him something, like how to hold the ball, Sean starts practising straightaway.” Neil chuckled. “It can be quite funny at times.”

“That’s nice.” She grinned. “You were the same at that age, too. You always did whatever your father said.”

Neil kept the smile painted on his face even though he wanted to storm out of there. Doing whatever his father wanted was the last thing he wanted to think about.

“I spoke to Todd, and he said he could drop in here Tuesday night on his way home from work so you and Dad could meet him. It’d be around six. Is that okay?”

“I’ll check with your father because I don’t think he’ll be home by then, but if that’s when Todd can make it, then that will do. Would he like to stay for dinner?”

Neil thought quickly. “I can ask, but I suspect he’ll want to get home. He also suggested that he pick me up on Friday after church, and drop me back either Sunday night or Monday morning. That will give me Monday to get ready for school again.”

Neil had proposed those dates and times to Todd as a compromise that would hopefully keep his mother happy. She liked Neil and his father to attend church on Good Friday and Easter Sunday, and that plan would mean he could attend the first of those services. Neil had wanted Todd to agree to bring him back Monday morning, but Todd thought it might be pushing things too far with his parents for him to be away from home for three nights, especially with the new school term starting on the following Tuesday.

Mrs. Rosewood grinned. “You’re really keen. I haven’t seen you this eager for a long time. As I said the other day, I’d like to meet this Todd and some more of your other new friends, but it’s nice to see you coming out of your shell. You’ve got a pleasant smile. You should do it more often.”

“But I smile a lot!”

“Yes, dear, but most of the time you don’t mean it. I can tell the difference, and at the moment you’re genuinely happy.” She sighed and looked away. “Just be careful. Don’t let yourself get too caught up in your new friends just in case something goes wrong. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Neil stared. The conversation was clearly over, but he was in shock at what his mother had told him. He hadn’t realised he was that easy to read. He was also worried as to what else she knew about him that he didn’t want her to know.

* * *

“Home, sweet home.” Marcus flicked on the lights in their Sydney apartment.

Sam smiled. “Travel’s tiring, but I’m happy.”

“You should be. Deon’s turned a corner. There’s a long way to go, but you and he made a lot of progress today.”

“I know, and I don’t want to lose momentum, so…”

“You want to go down again next weekend.” Marcus frowned. “I’m not sure we can afford it. Flights at this short notice won’t be cheap, especially at Easter-time.”

“True, but I wasn’t thinking of flying. We’ve got a four-day weekend, so I was thinking of driving down on Thursday after work, staying somewhere between here and Melbourne that night before continuing on the next day. We spend the weekend there and head back early on the Monday.” Sam gave Marcus a hesitant smile. “What do you think?”

Marcus frowned as he thought it through. “That’ll be cheaper, definitely. We’ll be knackered on Tuesday, though. It’s a long drive, especially since there’ll probably be a lot more traffic on the road with everyone else taking advantage of the long weekend.” He grinned. “Okay, let’s do it.”

Sam gave his long-term lover and partner-for-life a hug. “Thank you.”

* * *

Dave rolled over and stared at the bottle of sleeping pills on the bedside table. In his drunken state, he couldn’t remember if he’d taken them already. He normally took the pills before going to bed, but did he do it that night? His memory was hazy.

The sleeping pills were more important than ever to him. He’d started seeing flashes of scenes during the day. Scenes he had been trying to forget. Scenes that were the reason he had started drinking mid-afternoon.

They weren’t vague recollections, but images with some parts blurred and others in sickening detail. The image of staring up at a slowly dripping shower-head was the worst. Each drop felt like it took forever to fall, and each one was part of a countdown to some horrendous event – or maybe the countdown to when that event would end. Dave wasn’t sure; all he could remember was the feeling of overwhelming pain and fear.

Dave couldn’t take the risk of another nightmare. The memory of the one he remembered was bad enough; experiencing it again was to be avoided at all costs.

Fumbling drunkenly, he pulled off the bottle cap and poured a number of pills into his hand. He wasn’t in a fit state to count, so he stared for a moment and decided the tablets in his palm looked around the right amount. He forced them down his throat, too drunk to roll out of bed to get a glass of water to wash them down.

He lay back and stared at the off-white ceiling before closing his eyes.

It was time to sleep. He didn’t want any more dreams.

Disclaimer: Some public figures have been included in this story for effect. This is fiction, and the words and actions of those characters are mine and not those of the real person. All other individuals depicted are fictional, and any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental.

I would like to thank trebs, C James and MikeL for the advice they gave on early versions and rec for editing this story for me. A special thank you to ricky for that crucial final review before publication.

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