It was going to be an exhausting day. I didn’t have to be psychic to know that. We were going to the local show, and I would be looking after the boys by myself. They were going to run riot and I was responsible for making sure they didn’t destroy the place on the way through. If that wasn’t a recipe for disaster, then I was a failure as a parent. Or, maybe it was because I’m a failure as a parent that it was a recipe for disaster. Either way, it wasn’t going to be a day to look forward to.
Janine was already out the door, taking her horse as she had some early competition classes to attend, before either the boys or I got out of bed. After staring mindlessly at the clock, I sighed and rolled out of bed. There was no rush in getting Colin and Andrew ready, but lying in bed wasn’t helping.
I’d finished my shower and was wondering what to have for breakfast, when the first call came wafting out from the boys’ bedroom.
“Mmmuuummmmmmyyyy!”
I quickly moved to their room.
“Mummy’s already gone,” I explained to Andrew, who was obviously wide awake, but making no move to leave his nice comfortable bed.
“Could I have a huggle?”
I looked at my youngest son, puzzled.
“Is that a cross between a hug and a cuddle?” I asked him.
He nodded his head, grinning broadly.
Smiling back, I leant down and gave him a huggle.
“Can I have a huggle, too?” came the query from the other bed.
I stared sternly across the room at my eldest boy.
“Please?”
“Of course, Colin!” I said, giving him a broad smile.
As I approached him, he asked, “Is today the day of the show?”
“Yes, it is!”
The grin he gave me showed how much he was looking forward to the day. It probably wasn’t at the forefront of his mind, but he and Andrew had an entire day to torment their poor old dad with a myriad of requests. I was already bracing myself for the “Can we have another ride” repeated requests. I paused for a moment and then discounted the possibility that they would’ve recorded the phrase. They are both techno-savvy, but not that much. At least I hoped not.
For a change, it was easy to get them to have their breakfast and to get them dressed. Both were eager to go to the show. I don’t think Andrew really understood what it was about, but Colin wanted to see how his entry to the crafts section had gone. We have been slowly trying to teach him that he couldn’t be the “winnest” at everything, but that didn’t stop him from wanting to win.
We were out the door, into the car, and heading on our way, when my phone rang. Normally, I leave my phone off on weekends, but Janine and I had decided to use our mobile phones to keep in touch. I hadn’t expected a call this early, though, and hadn’t hooked up the phone to the hands-free unit.
Pulling over to the side of the road, I picked up the phone and answered it.
“Hello?”
“Hi, it’s Janine,” came the quickly spoken, almost breathless response.
“We’re on our way,” I answered, thinking that she was just wondering where we were.
“Don’t! Go back home!”
Since I knew she’d just needed to know where we were, I automatically did what I had expected to be the next step in the conversation.
I hung up.
It was only then that her words penetrated my brain. I had a sinking feeling that I’d just made a really bad mistake. I looked at the phone for a couple of seconds, then picked it up and dialed her number. The engaged signal that I received in response indicated she was probably trying to call me back. I hung up again, and then waited, fearfully, for the phone to ring. It obliged me after only a few seconds.
“Hi, Janine. Sorry about that.”
“I need to you go back to the house. I’ve left my saddle blanket behind.”
I mentally wiped my brow with relief. She had more important things to worry about than me hanging up on her.
“Where is it?”
“It’s in the lounge room in a plastic bag.”
“Okay, I’ll go back and get it. How much time do I have?”
“Enough, I think, if you hurry. They’re running a little behind.”
“On my way!”
With that, I hung up again; this time without the sense of dread.
I managed to get back to the house, find what I thought was what the right item while crossing my fingers that my lack of equine knowledge wasn’t about to cause a major disaster, and then headed back to the show with the boys.
After we pulled into the car park, I was getting the saddle blanket and my camera, when Andrew piped up.
“There’s a circus! Let’s go to the circus, Daddy!”
“I’m sorry, Andrew. We have to go see Mummy first.”
“But I want to see the circus!”
“We’ll go to the circus after we’ve seen Mummy,” I explained patiently, while wanting to throttle the person who decided the circus tent belonged next to the car park.
Despite his whining, Andrew was willing to follow me as I headed in the direction of the horse rings. Colin was a lot more accommodating, though I suspected he was just softening my up for a more sophisticated assault later in the day.
We reached the various arenas where the horse events were taking place and I looked around for Janine. I was still looking, when I heard a shout from behind me. Turning, I found Janine approaching rapidly.
“Hi! I’ve got your saddle blanket,” I said, trying to be cheerful.
She frowned. “It’s the wrong one.”
How many ways could I make things go wrong? I began to wonder if someone upstairs hated me.
“Do I have time to go back and look for the right one?”
“No. It’ll have to do. It’s better than nothing, I suppose.”
Taking the blanket off me, we all headed around to where she’d parked the horse float. Her horse was tied up next to it.
“How did you go with the led classes?” I asked, keeping my fingers crossed behind my back. I hoped she wouldn’t take it out on me if it hadn’t gone well.
For once, things went my way. She smiled as she put the blanket on her horse’s back and then placed the saddle on top.
“Second place,” she said proudly.
“Congratulations!”
“Daddy, when can we go to the circus?”
“Soon, Andrew.”
“Daddy just has to help me get on the horse, and then you can all go and enjoy the show,” Janine told him.
For a millisecond I thought I’d been reprieved, but then I realised that I wasn’t being included in the “enjoy” part of that statement; that was strictly for the boys.
After holding the reins while she mounted, I was free to go, if that phrase could be used for someone who was responsible for an enthusiastic tag-team of pure exuberance.
The circus was the first port of call. It’s the same small family circus that’s there every year. Some of the acts were the same, but they’d added a few new ones. It didn’t really matter, as neither boy remembered them from the previous year.
Next was the Arts and Craft pavilion. We needed to see how the boys’ entries had gone. When we found then, I was extremely disappointed.
“Look, Colin! That’s your entry.”
“What does that card say?”
“It says you’ve won first prize!”
How are we supposed to teach him that he can’t win everything when the judges at the show conspire against us?
The one saving grace was that Andrew didn’t ask if he’d won anything. Otherwise I would’ve had to have told him he hadn’t.
After that momentous event, it was time for the boys to spend Daddy’s money. Janine and I had decided that they would have a budget of $15 each to spend on whatever they wanted.
We’ve never pushed the issue of money, or lack thereof, with them before, so it was going to be an interesting experience. Too late to do anything about it, I noticed that Janine had managed to avoid being involved. Shrugging philosophically to myself, at least that meant the boys would still be happy with one parent at the end of the day.
Colin initially insisted on carrying his own money, and offered to carry Andrew’s as well, but it wasn’t long before I ended up with the lot.
After a go on the jumping castle ($4 each), the merry-go-round ($3 each), another jumping castle ($3 each), and buying a toy ($6 for Colin and $3 for Andrew), the boys spotted the mini-jeeps. They were $5 per vehicle.
“Can we go for a ride in the cars? Please?”
I looked at Colin blankly, then mentally added up how much money they had left to spend. I knew that university degree in advanced mathematics would come in handy one day.
“Okay, Colin, but that’s the last of your money,” I said, slightly shell-shocked from two hours of constant supervising. If it hadn’t been for the boys playing on the tractors and ride-on lawnmowers that were on display (free, apart from the constant “can we buy this one” from both boys — usually for two different vehicles) and in the outdoor play equipment (free, though the boys made a valiant effort to try to make me buy some to take home), I’m sure they would’ve burned through their budget a lot earlier.
I checked up on the rules. Anyone under six had to ride with an older sibling or parent. That meant Colin could go by himself, but I’d have to ride with Andrew. I knew without asking that Andrew wouldn’t be happy riding next to his brother — he’d want to steer and all that would happen would be a fight and a crash, followed by lots of tears.
We had to wait in line for several minutes, but both boys were very patient. Andrew decided part way through that he didn’t want to do it any more (after I’d bought the ticket, naturally) but it didn’t take much effort to get him to change his mind.
Then it was our turn. The boys had already picked out their vehicles. As soon as the gate was opened, they rushed out.
Now, whoever designed these mini-jeeps didn’t take into account that not all parents are midgets. It was impossible for me to sit on the seat. I had to perch myself precariously on the back of the vehicle while Andrew sat in the drivers seat. I was able to reach the steering wheel, but not the brake or accelerator. At least they had the pedals colour-coded and Andrew already knew that Green meant go and Red meant stop (years of watching traffic lights from the back seat while Janine drove him around had paid off).
As soon as the man started the small petrol engine at the back of the jeep, Andrew was off.
No one else was — they were all waiting until all the vehicles had been started. We were halfway around the track before Andrew realised and slowed to a stop. In that time, I’d only had to grab the steering wheel twice to avoid running into things or people, so it wasn’t going too badly.
I was relieved when the engine stopped five minutes (or was that five hours) later. Colin did quite a credible job driving by himself — he ran into us once, but considering the erratic manoeuvring that Andrew seemed to specialise in that wasn’t too bad. I noticed that the people on the track to help wayward drivers were quite quick on their feet, jumping out of Andrew’s way on many occasions. At the end of the ride though, I was down to only grabbing the steering wheel once or twice a lap. By the time Andrew’s old enough to legally learn to drive, he should be ready for the Australian Grand Prix. His artful swerving all over the track to stop the other drivers from passing showed a lot of potential. It can only improve once he starts doing it on purpose.
After that experience, I insisted on taking the boys back to their mum. That would allow me a few seconds to relax while they regaled her with their tales.
Janine seemed quite happy by the time we got back to her.
“Ask me how I did,” she said, having trouble keeping her feet on the ground from excitement.
“That bad, huh” I replied, trying to sound depressed for her.
“Have a look at these,” she said, handing me a fistful of cards.
I started going through them. Second, Reserve Champion, First, First, Champion, Supreme
Champion…
“You can’t do better than that!” she said, pointing to that last one.
I smiled and gave her a hug and kiss. “Congratulations!”
“Now, I have to get ready for the Grand Parade. They won’t give me my prize money until afterwards.”
“How much did you win?”
She went through the cards. “Over twenty dollars!”
She looked at me anxiously. “I want you to take some photos of me in the parade.”
“Of course!”
“Can we go on the train?”
Andrew’s question made me pause. It took a few seconds to work out what he was talking about. Not too far from the main arena there was a small train ride. He’d ridden it last year and he’d obviously seen it again this year. I made an executive decision.
“Okay, Andrew, but we also need to watch Mummy ride her horse in the parade.”
“Goody!”
“Well, we better get going, because the parade is due to start soon,” I told both boys.
With a wave of the hand, we left Janine getting ready and headed towards the train. It had been a long day, though, and Andrew was getting tired. It took longer to get there than I’d anticipated.
I lined up for tickets as the train came to a stop and the previous set of passengers got off. Unfortunately, by the time I’d bought the tickets, the train was just leaving.
“We’ll catch the next one,” I said.
“How long?” Andrew asked me.
“Not too long,” I said, crossing my fingers and eternally grateful that Colin was prepared to wait patiently.
Nervously, I watched the people lining up for the Grand Parade. It was about to start. As the train slowed to a stop, I heard the announcement for the commencement of the parade.
“Look! The parade is starting! We’ll do the train ride later, boys.”
“Daddy. I really want to go on the train now!”
“Mummy’s about to ride in the parade, Andrew. You can ride on the train after the parade.”
He stared up at me, his lower lip beginning to quiver.
“But I want to ride now!”
I stared back at Andrew. I could either upset my little boy and put up with tears and a tantrum for a few minutes until something else captured his attention, or I could miss Janine riding in the Grand Parade as a Supreme Champion for the first, and possibly last, time in her life, potentially causing a fatal marital trauma in our relationship. Ultimately, the choice was simple.
“Okay, Andrew, Colin. Get on the train. We’ll see Mummy later.”
Janine needs an incentive to do well at next year’s show anyway.