Pete did not sleep well. His dreams were full of Garvin and Laker and blood and bullets. Awake, he felt safe in Dodd’s arms but each time he fell asleep it was terror. Several times in the night he cried out; sometimes just a scream of horror and sometimes a call for help from Dodd. Each time Dodd would speak soothingly to the boy and hold him close. When Pete became awake enough to feel Dodd’s presence, he would again sleep peacefully for a while but it was a long, painful, and frightening night for both Pete and Dodd: Pete traumatized by his experience and Dodd deeply distressed by Pete’s anguish.
Pete made it very clear in the morning that he was not going to stay at the Rokers’ if Dodd had to go back to the branding. He loved the people there and it had become almost home but today he needed Dodd. Actually, the branding was finished and there was no need for Dodd to leave but he felt the boy needed to get away and be alone with him. As an excuse, Dodd told Pete that they had to go back to the shack and clean up and get any items they may have left there.
As they rode, Pete talked and occasionally sobbed out his anguish and his fear. The gruesome sight of Laker lying dead in the street affected him, but somehow there was an unconscious logic to Laker’s death. It was Garvin that troubled him the most. Within two weeks he had fully remembered the events at the river and knew that it was Garvin who had caused his injury. That memory and Garvin’s previous cruelty to him had caused him, in his boyish imagination, to invent a hundred forms of revenge—all of which ended in Garvin’s extreme embarrassment and all of which now gave him feelings of guilt. He had not wanted Garvin hurt or dead. Garvin was a fool and a coward. Pete knew that by his own actions Garvin had punished himself all his life. Death was too strong a penalty for being a fool and Pete expressed the thought that his imaginations of revenge had caused Garvin’s death.
“You can’t think a man dead, Pete. Garvin was cruel to you and what you thought is what any boy would think. I don’t know why you have met so many people like Laker and Garvin in your life but with folks like that, bad things happen. I wish you didn’t have to see it but as much as I love you and as much as I want to, I can’t take away what happened. We can just thank God that Laker’s shot missed you and that you’re as strong as you are. You have had to deal with many things most boys your age never experience and you’ve done it well.
“We also need to be very thankful to God for the man who risked his life to knock you down. John said that it looks by where the bullet hit that Laker would have missed you anyway but that was a very brave and caring thing for that man to do. The man just walked away and you don’t know who it was. Is that right?
“I had blood all over me and I’ve seen some awful things but I’ve never seen anybody killed before. I couldn’t think about anything but Garvin and blood right then.” Pete started to cry again. “I still can’t.”
“This will hurt for a while but you’ll deal with it. It was a terrible thing, but think about it, Pete. You now have many people who love you. You have a mama and daddy half crazy to have you home. What happened in Lawton was horrible, but it’s past. You’ll remember it, but it’s past. What’s ahead for you is wonderful and the love folks have for you will never be past. You did nothing wrong and many, many people love you. Try to keep your thinking on that.”
Dodd reined over and hugged Pete. The trauma wasn’t over, but Dodd was right. Pete had Dodd. He had Becky and Clinton and Flory. He had Mama Harriet and—most of all—he had his own mama and daddy.
There really wasn’t much to be done at the shack. Dodd swept it out but before they left the windblown sand had already re-covered the floor. Pete’s biggest problem was deciding if he should take the toys Dodd had made for him or that he had made for himself while living there. There was a boat that had provided him many hours of pleasure and a bow and arrows he’d made from willows and a thin piece of rawhide Dodd had given him. Most of his ‘toys’ were just ideas he’d tried that didn’t really work out so he had no problem leaving them. But the boat. Dodd had made it for him the first day they were at the shack. It was the first toy he had ever owned. Should he take it?
Pete smiled as he remembered that day. Dodd told Pete to stay inside the shack, that he would be right back. Dodd was firm about reminding Pete to stay in the shack and keep the door barred until he came back because they didn’t know who had broken into the shack. He wouldn’t be far away so not to worry. Pete thought Dodd just had to go.
Like any boy, Pete got impatient. If it took Dodd that long to go, Pete hoped that he would not have to stay in the shack every time he went. When Dodd did come back, he had a big grin on his face. He had his hands behind his back and had asked Pete to guess which hand. The boat had been carved from driftwood, with a willow twig for a mast and a sail made out of part of his handkerchief. Dodd had made that just for him. Pete took it with awe and with tears. Just for him—he’d hugged Dodd, and as he thought about it now he felt that same burst of overwhelming love he’d felt when he was given the first ever toy that was just his.
He knew from having seen Clinton’s toys that when he got home he would have real toys. But the boat and the bow weren’t just toys. The boat was love and the bow, the first thing he’d made that really worked, was accomplishment. Even if he never played with them again, they were too much a part of him and could not be left behind.
Pete knew nothing of shrines but that’s what the shack was to him. Just being there, feeling again the brand new feelings of his first days with Dodd, reliving the fun and the overpowering love he felt seemed to wash his soul. He knew that he may never come back here again but he was glad he was there now. Lawton and Laker and Garvin seemed to evaporate in that place, just as his orphanage days and his bound-boy days had. It was thrown together, had cracks in the walls and holes in the roof. He’d slept on the board floor on a bedroll, and there was often wind-blown sand in their food, but he realized that it was the place where he’d first felt completely safe and completely loved. It sure wasn’t much but Pete loved that rickety old shack and being there made him feel somewhat like he felt when Mama Harriet took him to church.
As the day progressed, Pete became his usual self. He began to tease Dodd and they were soon playfully wrestling on the ground. Although he said he hated it, Pete loved to be tickled and Dodd loved to hear him giggle. The result of their wrestling and tickling was sand in their hair and in their clothes. The logical thing to do was to go for a swim.
Dodd and Pete had never swum together before. They had bathed together and Pete had playfully splashed Dodd but that was usually after a hard day and Dodd was too tired and too new at being a parent to realize that Pete wanted to play. But now, fully rested and much more attuned to Pete’s thinking, Dodd joined in the splashing, the diving under and grabbing of ankles and before long, it was impossible to tell which of them was having the most fun. When they left the river Dodd was again absorbed in Pete’s love—but with the pangs of knowing the boy would soon leave him—and Pete was whole again.
Pete noticed something strange about Dodd as they were riding back to the Roker home. It was something about Dodd he had seen before but he couldn’t quite remember what it meant.
“What you grinnin’ about?”
“Lord, boy, does a man have to have your permission to grin now?”
“You know somethin’ you ain’t tellin’.”
“Well, we’ll just have to let Becky know about that…”
“OK… you know something you aren’t telling.”
“Well, I know a lot of things I haven’t told you. I just didn’t know that you wanted to know them. Let’s see, where shall we start? The square of the hypotenuse is equal to the square of the other two sides. How’s that? I told you something I knew that I’ve never told you before.”
“What the hel— What are you talking about?”
“You were fussing because I know something that I wasn’t telling so I told you something I know.”
Pete made a playful face and sigh of exasperation. He knew he was going to get nothing from Dodd but he really didn’t care. In fact, it was kind of fun. He remembered, now, what that look meant. Dodd loved to surprise Pete and all of Dodd’s surprises were happy ones. Something good was going to happen, so Pete just let the excitement build. He liked to be surprised as much as Dodd liked to surprise him.
As they approached the Rokers’, Pete remembered. It wasn’t really a surprise. With all that had happened, Pete had just forgotten. He saw a lot of horses and a lot of people. Pete had heard talk of the big barbecue the Rokers always had at the end of the roundup. Most of the hands would be moving on and the barbecue was a kind of thank you and a goodbye party. Some of the roundup hands were small ranchers who made extra money by working Roker’s roundup and they lived nearby and had families. Pete could see children he knew weren’t the Brians or Becky so this was going to be fun. Pete knew from his orphanage days that a lot of children could mean a lot of fun and mischief. Pete’s excitement kicked his horse into a gallop and he was soon being lifted off his horse by Billy.
“Well, here’s the boss. This here’s the man who run the roundup.” Pete couldn’t tell who said it but he knew he was being teased and praised.
“Somebody had to keep you bunch of old men and tenderfoots in line. If I wasn’t there, I don’t reckon you’d have the first calf branded yet”, Pete teased back.
“Tenderfeet”, Becky reminded, and a roar of laughter went up. The men had all heard how Becky was always after Pete to talk properly and he had been teased, as Dodd had done on the ride back, by the men who, each time Pete cussed (only when Dodd wasn’t there) would tell him they were going to tell Becky. They couldn’t tell if he used bad grammar. They didn’t know themselves when grammar was good and when it was bad. Pete laughed too. Teasing didn’t bother him. He loved it, but Becky thought they were laughing at her and started to tear up.
“Don’t fret, Becky. They ain’t… uh… aren’t laughing at you. They’re teasing me. Most of them don’t know enough words to ask for dinner so don’t worry about them.” Pete’s teasing back got him grabbed and tickled.
Some of the children stood in awe as they saw their fathers playing with this boy. At home these men were no less caring about their children but the life of constantly having to scrape for a living and their bone weariness at the end of a day made them seem to their children to be old and somber and dreary. Seeing them now, somewhat rested and playful gave many children a whole new perception of their fathers and soon there was a general frolicking among fathers and their children—a playfulness that allowed many children to see their fathers in an entirely new light and, for that matter, many fathers to see their children in a new light. The men would still scrape for a living and come home exhausted each night but from now on, they would take new joy from their children. Pete had taught them that.
Pete was anxious to see all that was going on, but he first sought out Mama Harriet and gave her a hug. She squeezed tight and although she didn’t say anything that tight squeeze told Pete, “I love you, boy, and I’m glad you’re over your scare.”
Pete found that he was kind of a celebrity among the sons of the crew members.
“Did you really fill my daddy’s hat with sand?”
“Yes.”
“Did my daddy really pull off your britches and make you ride bare-ass all the way back to camp for doin’ it?”
“Yes.”
“Did they really let you bulldog them calfs?”
“Did it hurt much when you got roped off your horse?”
“Did you hide my daddy’s boots?”
The boys were amused and pleased that this boy had brought out a playfulness in their fathers they never knew was there. Since Pete was such a good friend of their daddies, he was a friend of theirs and soon a rowdy game of hide and seek involving all the children, both boys and girls, was underway.
Pete knew all the places to hide so he was never found but Mama Harriet said, “Now, Pete, these children are company. This is your home. You have to be fair. You need to take your turn at being it.
Pete didn’t mind. “Five, ten, fifteen, twenty…” When he got to one hundred he looked around quickly and saw Becky just disappearing behind the smokehouse. “One, two, three on Becky behind the smokehouse.”
Mama Harriet probably hadn’t played hide and seek for years but she told Pete, “You can’t just say that. You have to go back there and look.”
Pete looked at her as thought she was crazy. That wasn’t the way you play hide and seek. But Mama Harriet had the kind of grin on her face that Dodd had when he was up to something so he knew he’d better get back there and look.
Pete stood staring at Becky and the grinning boy standing beside her. He knew now why Mama Harriet wanted him to look back there but he was not sure that he could trust his eyes. He wanted to believe what he saw but it couldn’t be. Austin Houston was in the orphanage with McGurdy.
As he had with Dodd, Pete had often talked about Austin and Ervin since he’d been with Mama Harriet. Pete couldn’t believe his eyes. He just stood, mouth open and stared.
“You forget how to talk since you left McGurdy? You sure knew how then. Me and Ervin tried but we was never quite as good at sassin’ McGurdy as you was.”
“As you were.”
Austin threw a questioning looked at Becky.
“She can’t help it. Just something in her makes her keep correcting folks. You are Austin. What you doing here?
“He’s my new brother. You and Dodd are going off and Mama thought I needed a brother so we got Austin.”
“And I ain’t bound neither. I’m gonna be adopted just like Becky. I ain’t sure what that means but Judge Glenn said he’s gonna write his name on some papers and then the Rokers will be my mama and daddy. I think it’s some kind of magic. Judge Glenn brought me here and he’s got them papers for both me and Becky.”
“Is Uncle Henry here?”
“Who’s Uncle Henry?”
“Judge Glenn. He ain’t magic. He’s a lawyer, like Dodd, and they can change all kinds of things just by writin’ their name on some paper. I slept in his house already. He ain’t—”
“He’s not.”
“You just hush up for now, Becky. He ain’t kin to Dodd, but he’s like kin.”
Pete stood silent again for a moment. His eyes teared a little and his voice took on an almost reverent tone. “You got to thank God, Austin. I prayed every night that you and Ervin would get bound good and look what God went and done for you. He done better than I prayed for. He give you a family just like he done me. Mama Harriet and Papa Jess is real good people. They’re gonna love you real good. And Becky’s a good sister. You listen to her. She can teach you to read good and to talk good. Dodd told me once that you have to talk to folks like they talk so they’ll understand you good. That’s what I’m doin’ now but it ain’t proper talk. Becky will fuss at me for talkin’ like this but it’s how we used to talk and it just feels good talkin’ to you this way. But you listen to Becky and let Mama Harriet teach you to pray like Dodd done me and when you do, you thank God every night. He done real good by you and me. See, I told you God wasn’t like McGurdy said He was. How’s Ervin doin’?”
“How does anyone do with McGurdy?”
“He ain’t bound yet, then?”
Austin looked confused, almost like he was about to do something that would get him in trouble. He looked at Becky and Becky with that silly grin Pete had seen so much of today, gave her head a slight shake.
“No.” Austin said.
Harriet Roker was as proud as a peacock. Most of the lady folks were gathered around her and she was talking as proud as any brand new mama. She told folks she might have raised eight children but she wasn’t ready to be put on the shelf yet. She wasn’t good at quilting or knitting or that sort of thing and, anyway, she couldn’t stand just sitting.
She felt real empty and lost last spring after her youngest, Robert, went to the army and it didn’t come to her why until Becky and Pete had come. Raising young ’uns was what she was good at so, by heaven, that’s what she was gonna do. This was the talent the Lord gave her and she was going to use it for the glory of the Lord.
Jess, too, saw that she was much happier when she had young ’uns to look after and he just fell in love with Becky, Pete too for that matter, but Pete was a Forrest. Just wasn’t no sense in raising that girl alone and Pete had talked so much about Austin that she was already in love with the boy before she ever set eyes on him.
The Lord had been awful good to the Rokers. They had more than anybody needs so God showed Harriet the way to put some of that extra money to use. Wasn’t a better way to use money than raising healthy, happy, Christian young ’uns.
Only thing to do was go get that boy and Judge Glenn took right to the idea. She loved her grandchildren but they kept on going home. Now her house was always alive and her soul was full. She had little children of her own to love again.
The other children continued the game but Pete had to find Dodd. It came to him that Dodd knew about this and that’s why he had that silly grin riding back from the shack.
He found Dodd helping turn that long pole with the beef halves on it. You had to turn them all the time or they’d burn on one side.
“I don’t reckon I have to tell you who this is. You knew Austin was coming, didn’t you? Why didn’t you tell me? You let me fret and pray over him when you knew that God already saw to it that he was gonna be fine.”
“Well a prayer is never wasted and if you knew he was coming, you’d have had so many ants in your pants there’d have been no living with you.”
“Austin, this is Dodd. He took me from Laker and he ain’t my daddy but I love him like he was. He says he’s going to be my uncle. I haven’t seen my mama and daddy yet but the branding’s done now so I reckon we’ll be going home tomorrow. Can we Dodd?”
“Yes, sir, Petie boy, you’ll be going home tomorrow, so you better get to playing with Austin, here. I know you’ll be coming back to visit but it’s a ways away and it will be some time before you see him again. You run along and play. It will soon be time to eat. I’m glad to meet you, Austin. Pete has told me a lot about you.”
There was something in the way Dodd said, “You’ll be going home” that just wasn’t right. Pete paused but Dodd had turned and was again busy with the beef half. He saw that Dodd didn’t want to talk more about it right now and it scared him a little but he knew Dodd would tell him what he meant when he was ready. He wouldn’t have Austin to play with that long so the two headed back to the hide and seek game.
When Dodd was sure the boys had started back to the other children, he turned and watched them walk away. A tear ran down his cheek. He had always known this time would come and he thought he was ready for it, but… tomorrow…
That boy had made a man of him as much as the ranch work had. Pete had made Dodd see himself more clearly and he had loved Dodd so completely that Dodd was close to grieving at the parting that would take place. He had turned away because he did not want Pete to see his pain right then. Now was a time for Pete to have fun with his friend and…
Nothing ever seemed to get Jess Roker excited. In all the time Dodd had worked for him, he had never seen Jess angry. He had been concerned when Pete got hurt but he stayed calm and tried to keep Dodd calm but he was far from calm now. Actually he was as giddy and flighty as a little kid. Dodd knew the reason and wished he could share the joy but he could not. Jess was going to gain more family. Dodd was about to lose his.
“You reckon we should have them come out now? How near ready is that beef?”
“I believe this one’s done, Jess. I thought you were going to have them come out after you passed out the pay envelopes?”
“Well, I can’t wait for that. I’m about as bad as Harriet over them young ’uns. You’d think if a man raised eight he’d have enough but them young ’uns made me feel like a young man again.”
Jess noticed the tear in Dodd’s eye and the look of almost despair on his face. “I should have watched what I said. You’re frettin’ some about losing the boy, ain’t you?”
“No, Jess, you’ve got reason to be happy but, you’re right, it won’t be easy for me. I just have to keep telling myself it’s the right thing to do. You did a wonderful thing by bringing Austin here.”
“Reckon I know how you feel about Pete. I feel some the same way about that boy and Harriet probably would have come apart from losing Pete. But that’s not the only reason. Becky’s been alone too much. She’s got Irene’s young ’uns but she grew so close to Pete it would have been hard on her. Still will be, but Austin’s some like Pete. Becky took right to him and so did I. And look at that Harriet. She’s over there braggin’ up her young ’uns like they was her first ones. That woman ain’t happy unless she’s got young ’uns to care for and all Pete’s talkin’ about Austin, Lord, wasn’t no way we wasn’t gonna get that boy. She loved him before she ever set eyes on him. Truth be told, reckon I did too.”
Jess called a couple of men over to carry the half beef to the carving table. Some women immediately went to work cutting it into serving size and covering it with more sauce. The rest of the meal was almost ready so Jess went to his porch and rang the dinner bell.
“Y’all come on up here close. I got some things I want to say and I reckon some envelopes that you’d like to get your hands on.
“First off, I’m real proud of all of you. You give me a good, honest day’s work and you made working with you a pleasure. Not many crews I’ve had got along as well as y’all. We had that one bad happenin’ but good things even came from that. Not all of you seen my new daughter. Becky, come on up here and meet these folks.”
Becky shyly walked to the porch and stood close to Jess. Jess recognized her reticence and hugged her to him. “Reckon if it wouldn’t have been for Becky, Garvin never would have started in on Pete. ’Course you all know Pete and it was Pete gettin’ hurt that brought on the other good thing. My Mrs. got so used to havin’ those two young ’uns here just wasn’t gonna be no livin’ with her after Pete went home. Ain’t sure I’d have been that easy to live with. Ain’t one of us who was workin’ the brandin’ who didn’t take real joy from that boy. He’s a hard worker but he’s a boy, ornery and full of tease and playfulness. Havin’ him there made some of those miserable hot days tolerable.
“Pete talked so much about Austin we all come to love the boy before we ever seen him. I want y’all to meet my new son, Austin.”
There wasn’t any shyness in Austin. He walked up to the porch proud as a peacock and smiled, you’d have thought his face would break.
“Now I reckon most of you know Judge Henry Glenn from the County Seat over to Lawton. He’s got some things to say.”
Henry Glenn was a tall stately man whose very appearance commanded respect. As he stepped to the porch, there was cheering and loud applause. The cowhands, even the small ranchers, were not accustomed to being in the casual presence of such dignitaries. Henry, in true politician style, used the dramatic pause and then, with a flourish of arm movements, took from his breast pocket some legal papers. “Would Mrs. Harriet Roker please come forward?”
Harriet came up and stood proudly beside Jess. She turned and whispered something in the judge’s ear and he said, “Mrs. Roker would like all of her children and their families to come stand around the porch. The Brians went up and it was lucky it was a big porch. Five of the Rokers’ eight children were there and it seemed like all of them had as many children as the Brians.
“As Circuit Judge of Jasper County it is too often my sad duty to break up families by sending some malefactor off to prison. It is not often that, in my service to you, the proud citizens of this great county, I am afforded the opportunity to bring together a family. Jess and Harriet Roker thought it fitting to share this blessed and happy occasion with you, their children, their friends and neighbors. To finalize this fortuitous occurrence, allow me to read two legal papers. To whit: Be it known that the child heretofore known as Rebecca Suzanna Lantz, to be known hereafter as Rebecca Suzanna Spring Flower Roker, born on or about the eighteenth day of May, the year of our Lord, eighteen hundred fifty-eight, is herewith committed by adoption to the care and custody of Jess Roker and to his wife and spouse, Harriet Linton Roker to be their legal daughter and heir. Granted and done by the power vested in me as Judge of the Circuit of Jasper County, Nevada. To which cause I have, this second day of June, the year of our Lord, eighteen hundred sixty-nine, set my hand and seal. Henry T. Glenn, Judge, Circuit Court, Jasper County, Nevada.
“Rebecca, please come to join your mother and father.”
Becky turned to Harriet and literally jumped into her arms. She was soundly hugged and kissed and then passed to Jess, then to each of her adult siblings and in-laws. The sounds of laughter and crying were intermingled. When the din of joy on the porch and the cheers and applause from those looking on had subsided, Judge Glenn raised his hand and cleared his throat, signaling silence.
“I have in my hand another legal document which bears on this glorious occasion. Please listen while I read. Be it known that the child heretofore known as Austin Houston, to be known hereafter as Austin Houston Roker, born on or about the third day of February, the year of our Lord, eighteen hundred sixty, is herewith committed by adoption to the care and custody of Jess Roker and to his wife and spouse, Harriet Linton Roker to be their legal son and heir. Granted and done by the power vested in me as Judge of the Circuit of Jasper County Nevada. To which cause I have, this second day of June, the year of our Lord, eighteen hundred sixty-nine, set my hand and seal. Henry T. Glenn, Judge, Circuit Court, Jasper County, Nevada.”
Austin ran to the arms of Jess and the spectacle of jubilation was repeated on the porch and appreciated by applause by those there to observe.
Tears flowed freely from Pete’s eyes as he watched these two children he loved experience the happiest event in their lives. But they were tears of both joy and longing. Becky and Austin had their mama and daddy and Pete’s heart overflowed for them but it also felt the pain of knowing that he would soon leave this place of love and that pain made him yearn the more for his own mama and daddy. He turned to Dodd who had moved behind him and now had his hands on Pete’s chest hugging the boy to him. “Dodd, I love you but I need my own mama and daddy. Can we start home as soon as the eating’s done?”
Dodd did not need to answer. Judge Glenn again raised his hand and cleared his throat for silence. His voice cracked now and when he began to speak there was a tear in it. “What I do now, I do not only as a friend but as a loved one. It was an act of love for me to make complete the Roker family but what I do now is done with love that knows no bounds.
“As a young man, I had a very good friend. We rode together and started a ranch together. He continued to ranch when I went east to become a lawyer. He had ten sons. I lost my only son when he was ten years old so the sons of my very good friend became my sons by proxy.”
Pete knew that story was about Luke Forrest, his grandpa. He couldn’t think why Uncle Henry was telling it now, but he had in him a sense of anticipation, a vague, not really conscious sense of joy and completeness.
“It is with the joy of a father that I do what I do now.”
The door to the parlor opened and two people came and stood beside Uncle Henry. No one had to tell Pete who they were. He yelled, “Mama”, and ran to the porch and leaped into her arms. She held him tight, sobbing out her joy and fulfillment. Pete buried his face in her shoulder and released that yearning in his heart in sobs of unbounded happiness.
He felt his daddy’s arms surround him too. He turned and felt himself being taken into Jared’s arms and there in those strong arms, with one of his arms around his daddy’s neck and the other around his mama’s he cried out his joy and relief and love while Uncle Henry read the legal papers.
“Be it known that the child heretofore known as Peter John Stevens, to be known hereafter as Peter John Doddson Forrest, born on or about the twenty-fifth day of January, the year of our Lord, eighteen hundred fifty-eight, is herewith committed by adoption to the care and custody of Jared Forrest and to his wife and spouse, Elizabeth Schultz Forrest to be their legal son and heir. Granted and done by the power vested in me as Judge of the Circuit of Jasper County Nevada. To which cause I have, this second day of June, the year of our Lord, eighteen hundred sixty-nine, set my hand and seal. Henry T. Glenn, Judge, Circuit Court, Jasper County, Nevada.”
Pete heard the judge but what he said didn’t matter. They had been his mama and daddy since Dodd first told him about them and particularly since the day he’d read their letter to Dodd. No paper made them a family. They loved each other. That made them a family.
Pete heard the door to the parlor open again. A boy stood there, looking shyly and with apprehension at the large crowd of people. Pete understood the situation immediately and ran to embrace the boy as he yelled, “Ervin!”
The two boys held their embrace, Ervin repeating over and over, now through tears, “You’re my brother, Pete, you’re my brother.”
Pete felt the hands of their parents stroking and caressing both of them as the judge read Ervin’s adoption papers. Pete had his mama and daddy and God even went and give him Ervin for a brother, too. It seemed to Pete that when good things start happening to you, there just ain’t no stopping them.
Pete had his mama and daddy and he had his brother but he needed Dodd. He whispered in his Daddy’s ear, “Daddy, I need Dodd too.”
“Dodd’s here and so is someone else who needs to give you a hug.”
Pete turned to look and as he did so he moved right into Dodd’s arms. “This here’s Ervin, Dodd. I ain’t never gonna stop lovin’ you Dodd and I ain’t never gonna stop thankin’ you for my mama and daddy and my brother.”
“My life’s had many blessings, Pete, but none better than you. I love you, boy, and I’ll miss you, but I’ll write to you and see you as often as I can.”
“You’re going to go off and find Elizabeth, aren’t you?” Pete remembered who he was talking to and used proper language.
“Yes. I think you understand that it’s something I have to do.”
“I know, and I love my mama and daddy but I love you too. It looks like loving folks can hurt as much as it can make you feel good. Thinking about you being gone makes me want to cry.”
“You’re right, Pete. Loving folks can cause pain, but if you don’t take the chance on the pain, you will never know the good feelings. But, remember this. You and I are part of each other. We will always be. You did things for me that you’ll never know and I’ll always have a special love for you. But, Pete, I love my brother Jared, your daddy, too. One of the things you do for me that makes you a special love is you make Jared and Libby very happy and, because of you, they also have Ervin. I’ve never seen my brother happier. I do love you, Pete and we’ll miss each other but we’ll always have each other to remember and love.
“It’s not like we’ll never see each other again. You’re now my nephew—you’re family. You just have to come home and see family every so often. You aren’t going to be rid of me that easy. You teased and pestered me and I won’t forget that. You’ll never know when you’ll walk around a corner and I’ll be there to grab and tickle you.”
“You’re leaving for Carson City now, aren’t you?”
“Yes, Pete, I am. You have your own family now. I have to go and find mine. You do understand that, Don’t you?’
“Yes, but…”
“Who do you think this is?”
Pete turned and looked into a face that could only be that of his grandfather. He could see some of Dodd in it and some of his daddy but what he saw most was love.
“Grandpa!” Pete reached out and was soon being hugged and kissed by Luke Forrest.
Since Dodd had gotten back from Laker’s and the men knew that he was a Forrest, there had been many stories told. Luke Forrest was a legend and from the stories Pete heard, he was both in awe and a little afraid of his grandfather. Dodd had explained that in the early days, it was sometimes necessary to fight both outlaws and Indians to hold your land and that his father was very good at it. Luke Forrest was a strong, determined man who by hard work and that determination had built a very large ranch but he had a heart as big as his ranch. Dodd had told Pete that the Forrest Ranch was only a little bigger than the Rokers’ and Papa Jess had to be strong and determined to build his ranch, too. Pete knew what kind of man Papa Jess was. Pete’s grandpa was some like that.
Pete wanted to know why they didn’t tell stories about Papa Jess like they did his Grandpa. Dodd explained that his daddy had been one of the first in this area and he was a big, handsome, impressive-looking man, just the kind people told stories about. Pete wanted to believe what Dodd told him but the cowhands’ stories still made him wonder. His eleven-year-old mind did not completely distinguish between toughness and meanness. But, now, being gently held in those strong arms, feeling himself being caressed by those big, strong hands, hearing the great man say that he loved him and seeing the tears in his eyes, Pete’s awe and fear gave way to a sense of love and security. Pete hugged his grandpa. This man, respected and feared by everyone who knew him, loved Pete so much he didn’t care if folks saw him crying about it.
Before he had even met the boy, Luke had been moved by the child’s toughness and resilience. Even Pete, as young as he was, felt a similarly of character and inner strength, the beginnings of a special bond between them. But, right then, both Pete and Luke felt a need in him to get back to his mama and daddy and his brother.
Luke put him down and Pete want back to his daddy. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t need to. He had his daddy and mama now and just being with them was enough for now. He’d have them for the rest of his life and he’d have plenty of time to talk to them. Dodd and Mama Harriet had taught him that it was not polite to interrupt an adult when they were talking and he wanted his mama and daddy to know that he was polite. Anyway, what he wanted to say and what he wanted to hear was for when they were alone.
The Rokers and Becky and Austin, and Ervin and Pete and their mama and daddy, were standing in a line and a lot of people wanted to tell them how happy they were for them. Most of those grown people even talked to the children, something grown people didn’t usually do. Mama Harriet said a lot of folks believed that children should be seen and not heard but she didn’t think that way. Mama Harriet said as long as children used manners, they had just as much right to talk as anybody. So most of those folks talked to Pete and Ervin. Some of the ladies even kissed them but that was all right. That’s the way some folks show that they are happy for you.
Pete and Ervin were standing between their mama and daddy. Occasionally Libby would stop talking to the well-wishers and bend down and hug and kiss one of them and say something like, “You’re a much more handsome boy than Dodd could describe in his letters” or “You’re a brave boy” or simply “I love you.” Pete could tell that she was as anxious to be alone with just their family as he was but you had to have good manners and a lot of folks were real happy for them so they had to stand there and let those folks tell them that. Pete’s daddy had kissed him when he first held him and Pete was kind of glad he didn’t kiss him now. He loved his daddy but while it seemed right to have his mama kissing him, and he couldn’t really think why, he just didn’t want his daddy kissing him in front of all those people. But he did want his daddy’s affection. He moved close to him and Jared put his arm around his son’s shoulder and hugged the boy to him.
It had finally happened. Pete had his mama and daddy and even a brother but he didn’t feel exactly like he thought he’d feel. He was as happy as he thought he’d be but along with the feeling of deep love and fulfillment there was a part of him that was empty and slightly apprehensive. He knew he loved his mama and daddy but he loved Dodd too—and Becky and Clinton and Mama Harriet and Austin. He didn’t want today to be like this. He wanted it to be all happy and it was, except…
It seemed like every new thing that happened to Pete brought feelings he couldn’t put a name on and he had to try to figure out. He was so happy to have his mama and daddy and his daddy’s hand on his shoulder felt even better to him than Dodd’s first hug, he thought. But what would things be like when he got home? He had Ervin, but would he miss Becky and Clinton too much? Pete had to move real close to his daddy to keep away that old feeling that it’s what might happen in the future you have to worry about. He hadn’t worried when Dodd took him, but Pete had never been really happy until Dodd. Anything had to be better than what he had then. But he was loved here and he was happy here.
He remembered what Dodd said. “You’re right, Pete. Loving folks can cause pain, but if you don’t take the chance on the pain, you will never know the good feelings.” Nobody could have pain from getting a new mama and daddy. There was some pain about leaving folks he’d come to love, but Dodd was right. He had to take the chance and when he finally decided that, he didn’t stop wondering about the future or knowing he was going to miss Mama Harriet and Becky, but he also had the feeling that everything would be all right. Pete just had to get used to everything being good and having to leave one good thing for something just as good or better. Although he couldn’t think how, right now, even not having Dodd might bring on something better. Anyway, he loved Dodd and Dodd was right. Pete had his family. Dodd deserved his. Maybe that’s what would be better. Maybe Elizabeth would love him as much as his mama and Mama Harriet did.
As the people had come by to congratulate the Rokers and the Forrests, Papa Jess had given each of the men of the crew their pay envelope. When all the folks had passed by and most of them were eating, Papa Jess came to give Dodd his envelope. He shook Dodd’s hand and said that it was a real pleasure working with him and he wished him luck in Carson City. Papa Jess then turned and picked up Pete. “Jared, I’m a real proud man today. I now have ten of the finest children a man could want. I know you love this boy but you don’t know yet how proud you will be of him. He’s a hard worker and he’s tough but he’s a loveable little rascal and he’s a real cut-up. This was one of the easiest-to-take roundups I ever done and a lot of it was because of your boy. He’s got a way of crawling right into your heart.”
Papa Jess gave Pete a big hug, put him down and handed him an envelope. “Here’s your pay, boy, and you earned every cent of it.”
Pete didn’t know what to say. He thought he’d thought through all this having to leave folks you love and he didn’t want to cry but then Papa Jess went and did this. Pete hugged Jess again and cried. He couldn’t think of anything to say. He just hugged and cried and he didn’t care who saw him. He could feel his daddy’s hand on his head and he could hear his mama sniffling and he could feel Ervin standing so close he was almost leaning on Pete. Here was another new feeling he had to think out. What do you do when you got so many people loving you, you can’t hardly stand it?
It finally came to him that he’d better use his manners and say thank you to Papa Jess. He did that and Jess walked back to his own family. Finally it was just Pete and his own family. The four of them hugged each other again and he knew that in spite of losing Dodd and the Rokers, this was the way it should be.
Pete had never had much to do with money. The only money he’d ever had in his life was the two dimes he and Clinton took to Lawton and he didn’t even know where the rest of that money was. He reckoned he’d better let his daddy hold his pay money or he’d lose this, too. “Daddy, will you look after this for me?”
Jared took the envelope, picked up the boy, hugged him hard and said, “I don’t know how I could be any more proud of you than I am right now, but Jess might be right. It’s hard to think, though, how a man could be any more proud than just having his son call him Daddy. I had that feeling this afternoon with Ervin and now with you. God blessed me with two fine boys to be proud of.”
With all the love and hard thinking, Pete was still a boy and he was hungry. He took his mama and daddy and Ervin by the hand and said, “I know this crew. If we don’t get to them… ah… those tables…” he looked sheepishly at his mama and she smiled an ‘It’s all right’ down at him. “If we don’t get to those tables, there won’t be anything left for us.”
Jared and Libby had left home early that morning and they were tired. They also wanted to leave for home early the next morning, so they went to bed at the same time the children were put to bed. They slept in the extra room. Ervin and Austin slept with Pete in Pete’s room, but it wasn’t Pete’s room anymore. It was Austin’s room now and Pete started to get that sad feeling again. Mama Harriet came in to hear their prayers and Pete knew how to get over the sads. He said, “Come with me, Ervin,” and went and knocked on his mama’s door.
“Yes?”
“Mama, will you and daddy hear our prayers?”
Libby had tears in her eyes as she walked back to the boys’ room, tucked Pete and Ervin in and again kissed them goodnight.
Pete could hear Austin sniffling. “What you cryin’ about?”
“You’re doin’ it, too. I can hear you. It just never come to me that my own mama would be kissin’ me goodnight.”
“Me neither. Ain’t it somethin’? Did Mama Harriet hear your prayers?”
“I didn’t know none to say but she said one and I said it after her. I did say thank you for my mama and daddy on my own like you told me, though.”
In spite of everything that had happened in the last two days… Lawton, finally getting his mama and daddy and a new brother he didn’t expect, all the feelings about leaving Dodd and the Rokers and Becky, and now Austin—things that might ordinarily have kept Pete awake—Pete was sleepy. He had not slept well the night before and he’d had a very big day. He wanted to talk to Austin and Ervin but he could tell that they were sleepy too. He yawned, rolled with his back to Ervin, who was sleeping in the middle, pushed his pillow under his head and said, “Don’t you wish McGurdy knowed the same God we do?”
Copyright © 2003 Gordon L. Klopfenstein