“Hello?”
“Dylan? Rafael.”
“Hey, how’s it going?”
“We just ate dinner and Jeremy’s in the bedroom writing some letters back home. I took care of his feet earlier and sucked his dick and then we took a nap before dinner. I have a nice, romantic evening planned for later. I had Teddy get a couple of yin-yang pendants and chains at Tiffany’s and I want to give them to him tonight.”
“Oh, that sounds sweet. You’re such a romantic, Rafael.”
“Yeah, well. I suppose,” the teenager replied. He was looking across the living room and out the windows at the apartment building across Eighty-sixth Street. “I’m worried about Jeremy, though. I tried to explain how things are, that even if Conrad wants a romantic relationship, he won’t see him much, between the schedule conflicts and performances and Conrad’s outside obligations and such.”
“Yeah, he’ll be lucky to see him more than a couple of times a month,” Dylan replied. “When we were dating, I slept with him three times in two months.”
“So, tell me about Conrad. Is he serious about this? Is he just leading Jeremy on? Is he going to use him? What’s the deal?”
Rafael could hear a sigh on the other end of the line before Dylan said, “Rafael, this is the real thing. Conrad doesn’t play games. With me, he was completely open. There would be no deeper relationship. It would be sex for sex’s sake and I was cool with that. But, he’s good and decent and honest. When he says something, he means it. He won’t jack him around. He wants to mentor Jeremy. Conrad’s a decent guy.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah, I know. It would be a lot easier if he was a schmuck and you could just tell him to fuck off and leave your boyfriend alone. Of course, it would make it a lot easier for me if Conrad would whisk him away and leave you all to me.”
Rafael chuckled and said, “You are nothing if not persistent, are you, Miss Dylan?”
“That’s me. Little Miss Persistent. Of course the only thing that’s ever helped me with is my dancing. I still don’t have a boyfriend.”
Rafael smiled sadly and said, “I’m sorry it worked out this way, Dylan. I really am, but I’m grateful you’re so understanding and so willing to help me with Jeremy and this situation.”
“Well, I love you, Rafael and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”
“I know. So tell me about Conrad. What was it you wanted to say earlier?”
Rafael heard Dylan take a breath and say, “Conrad is not a bad person. He’s very professional and very disciplined. Some people think he’s a robot, but Conrad feels things. He feels things very, very deeply. We were watching the solar eclipse last spring in Central Park with one of those solar eclipse periscopes and he was moved by the sight of the moon moving across the sun. He teared up watching kids flying kites. He’s…not what you think. And, he gets serious about things. He won’t use Jeremy. And, that’s what I wanted you to call me about. That’s what scares me about this. He won’t use him. He will be a gentleman and if he says he’s going to mentor him, he’s serious.”
“Well, that’s good, then, isn’t it?” Rafael asked with hope.
“Yes and no, because it also means that if he falls in love with Jeremy, its going to be all in. There’s no middle ground with Conrad. People think he’s an iceberg, but the truth is he’s a volcano of emotion. It’s just that he keeps it all inside.”
Rafael looked down at the floor in despair.
“Will I lose Jeremy?” he asked in a weak voice.
“No. You’ll still have him because he won’t have much time with Conrad. Besides, what he has with you will be completely different from what he’ll have with Conrad. You know that a lot of boys in our world have men and they’re different from any boyfriends they might have. I mean, look at you and Alistair.”
Rafael sighed and said, “There really isn’t that much between me and Alistair anymore. I’m getting older and he has less time for me, and since I’ve found Jeremy…”
“Actually, that’s good. The older you get, the more likely it is that he’ll have a relationship with you. Look, Alistair’s mainly interested in men, not boys. In think Conrad is, too, but the thing about Conrad is that he’s all in whenever he does something. So, you will have to make time for Jeremy to be with Conrad, whether it’s just mentoring or if it becomes something more…romantic.”
Rafael sighed and said, “Yeah, I was afraid of that. Well, listen, since Jeremy’s riding with Conrad out to the house, why don’t you ride with us?”
“Cool. I really didn’t want to take the train out there. I hate Penn Station and I hate changing trains in Jamaica.”
“Cool. Teddy says Geoffrey’s picking us up at nine, so you want us to swing by and get you or you want to come over and have some breakfast with us?”
“Breakfast sounds good. I’ll be over there around eight. How’s that?”
“Cool. Dylan…I want to thank you. You’re special. You may be a crazy, flighty queen, but you’re still special and I do love you.”
“I know, damn you. I’ll see you in the morning. Hugs and kisses.”
Rafael smiled as he put the receiver down. He could hear La Bohème emanating from Teddy’s study. Hhe looked around the slowly darkening living room and pressed his lips together. He thought about what he needed to do with and for Jeremy, but he was worried about the nightmare, about the feelings of shame, the feelings about his parents, and the possibilities of what the future might hold for him. He sighed and stood. Things were going to be unusual, frightening, and wondrous for Jeremy and Rafael needed to be the stability, the rock in Jeremy’s life. Yes, he had to be a pillar of strength that Jeremy could rely on while he experienced the uncertainties he would be facing.
He walked to Teddy’s study and knocked on the door. When Teddy asked him to enter, he stepped in and asked, “Do you have my gift for Jeremy?”
Teddy smiled and nodded. He opened a drawer in his desk and withdrew a long, powder blue box marked “Tiffany and Co.” He handed it to Rafael, who opened it and inspected the contents. He nodded and said, “It’s perfect. Thank you, Teddy.”
“It was no problem. I was delighted to be of assistance,” the man replied. “What did Dylan have to say?”
“He assured me that Conrad wasn’t going to use Jeremy, that whatever he did would be sincere and decent and…that he never does anything halfway. He said Conrad has an image of being cold and unfeeling, but that he actually feels things quite deeply. So, I’m both relieved and scared.”
Teddy nodded and said, “I understand. Well, go to him and let Jeremy know that no matter what happens, no matter what the future holds, you will be there. You will be his rock, his anchor. He needs to know that.”
“Yeah, I know,” Rafael replied softly. “I want this to show him that no matter what happens to him in the future, no matter how things go with him and Conrad or how things go at Ballet Academy or whatever, he can always depend on me. I will always be there for him.”
Teddy smiled and said, “I’m proud of you, Rafi. Three years ago, even a year ago, I couldn’t imagine you taking on this kind of responsibility and love. I’m so proud of you.”
Rafael looked down and said, “Let’s wait and see how I actually do. I can still fuck this whole thing up all the way to Hell.”
“That’s the spirit!”
Rafael gave his uncle a rueful look and sighed as he turned and said, “Dylan’s coming over for breakfast in the morning and then he’s riding out with us.”
“Good. I miss the little queen. Finally, someone who makes me look butch.”
Rafael chuckled and left the room. At the next door, he peeked into the room and found Jeremy sitting barefoot and shirtless at the desk and writing. He gazed at the boy’s strong back and sturdy arms, the unruly red hair falling about his head, the way his bandaged feet were crossed under the chair, and he felt a rush of love.
“Hey, you,” he said roughly. “Come here.”
“I’m almost done with my last letter,” Jeremy replied. “I took your advice. I’m writing a short letter to Brian.”
Rafael smiled and walked slowly into the room, his eyes taking in the raw sexiness of the boy as he approached. He tossed the Tiffany’s box on the bed and placed his hands on Jeremy’s shoulders. A soft moan escaped the boy as Rafael gently massaged his shoulders. The teenager leaned down and buried his face in Jeremy’s red hair, moving his nose through it as he breathed in the scent of the boy.
“Man, you make me so wicked hard,” he whispered. “I love you so much, Jeremy.”
The younger boy looked up and smiled as Rafael kissed his forehead. “You’re not bad,” he said with a grin.
Rafael smirked and reached down Jeremy’s bare chest and playfully tugged at his nipples. He grinned when Jeremy stiffened as he had earlier that day. The younger boy gasped and softly moaned, “Oh, oh, oooooh.”
“Do you like that?” Rafael asked quietly.
“Yeah,” Jeremy responded, leaning back in the chair and laying his head against Rafael’s crotch and the growing stiffness within. “Feels so good.”
Rafael smiled and continued to play with the boy’s nipples and Jeremy began to squirm about in his chair, moaning softly every few seconds. Jeremy’s hand reached down and began to squeeze the hardness in his own shorts. Rafael’s first instinct was to pull it away, but he smiled and let the boy pleasure himself as he give Jeremy’s nipples his gentle loving. However, when he felt the boy losing control, he gave his nipples a final, tender tug.
Jeremy looked up and whispered, “Why’d you stop?”
Rafael smiled and said, “I have something important I want to do.”
Jeremy grinned mischievously and asked, “Are you going to give me my present from Tiffany’s?”
“Yes, you little turd. Now shut up and stand before I tickle the pee out of you.”
Jeremy giggled as he pushed the chair back and stood. “So, you’re the boss of me?”
“Yes,” Rafael replied, “because now I know all I have to do is play with your titties and you melt like butter.”
Jeremy giggled again, but then started breathing hard through his mouth as he watched Rafael drop to his knees before him. The teenager caressed Jeremy’s hardness before slowly unfastening Jeremy’s belt and unzipping his shorts. Pulling them down together with Jeremy’s underwear, he freed the boy’s erection. Jeremy stepped out of them and Rafael enveloped his penis in his mouth. The boy groaned before the teenager pulled off, bent lower, and kissed his balls. Standing up, he took Jeremy’s hand, led him to the side of the bed and pulled the covers back. The boy crawled in and watched Rafael undress and toss his clothes carelessly on the floor. Picking up the box from the end of the bed, Rafael walked around to the other side and crawled in. He set the box aside and wrapped his arms around the younger boy. Smiling as they gazed into each other’s eyes, they kissed gently and then with increasing passion and fervor. They began to writhe against each other until the younger boy stiffened and cried out into Rafael’s mouth. Rafael grinned and wiped the few drops of Jeremy’s thin semen off their abdomens and then licked his fingers clean as he smiled at the boy.
“Do you want me to make you do it?” Jeremy asked.
“Not yet,” Rafael replied with a smile, “I want to do this first.”
He reached over to the side and picked up the box. He held it out to Jeremy, who smiled at him and took it in his hands as he rolled over onto his back.
“I like the box,” he said softly as he held it.
“Fine. You can have the box,” Rafael replied. “I’ll take what’s in it back.”
“No way!” Jeremy replied as he quickly hid it under the covers.
Rafael grinned and said, “Open it.”
Jeremy brought it back out and lifted the top off. Taking a look within, he whispered, “Oh, wow.”
He lifted the two pendants out of the box and held them before him. He looked at them curiously and asked, “What are they?”
“They’re the yin and the yang. In Oriental philosophy, they symbolize how two opposites are part of the same. See how they fit together. It means that you and I are two people but we are one whole so that no matter where we are or what we’re doing—or who we’re doing it with—we’re together. We’re one.”
Jeremy looked over at Rafael and smiled before he whispered, “What a beautiful idea.”
Rafael nodded and said, “You remember when Conrad was talking about the Band of Brothers in Greece? Well, Plato wrote a dialogue called The Symposium in which one of the guests at the dinner party he was describing suggested that the love between men was more pure than the love men had with women because that was based on procreation—having children—and the other was based on philosophy and principles and that when two lovers come together, it’s because they were originally one soul that was divided into two and is now coming back together. I like that idea, that we are actually one soul, two halves that were united, or reunited, and that’s sort of what this symbolizes, Jeremy. You and I are two halves that have been reunited.”
“That’s beautiful. And, it’s true,” Jeremy replied. “Will you put this one on me?”
Rafael smiled, kissed the boy on the lips, and took the chain in his fingers, wrapped it around Jeremy’s neck, and fastened it. He did the same to himself and then smiled again as he said, “Now, no matter where we are, we are always together. We are always one. We are always united.”
He caressed Jeremy’s face and added, “And, when one of us is with another person, in whatever way we are, we will still be united, we will still be together, we will still be one.”
Jeremy pressed his lips together and looked away. Rafael ran his fingers over his eyebrows and asked, “Hey, what’s the matter?”
Jeremy paused for several seconds, looking at the other side of the room, before he replied, “Even if I…if I’m…like…doing it with another guy?”
Rafael kissed his cheek and said, “Especially when you’re doing it with another guy. You and I are always united. We are always one.”
He put his index finger on the edge of Jeremy’s cheek and pushed his face toward him. Jeremy looked at him with shame and Rafael smiled, kissed him, and said, “You like Conrad. You’re excited by the idea of you two doing it.”
Jeremy nodded. Rafael kissed his lips and whispered, “I love you and I want you to experience everything life has to offer and to be as happy as you can possibly be. I’ve talked with Dylan about Conrad and I think if you want to have a man love you, that is just fine with me. I love you. You and I are never going to be divided, Jeremy. Never.”
Jeremy’s lips trembled and the boy whispered, “I love you so much, Rafael. I don’t deserve you.”
Rafael smiled and kissed the boy deeply before they began to make love again.
—o-0-o—
Jeremy and Rafael were performing the “Dance of the Friends” on the stage at Ballet Centre. The house was packed and everyone was cheering. It was wonderful. Rafael’s dancing was exuberant and alive and Jeremy—Jeremy was naked, but his dancing was amazing. He felt more alive than ever before—until they were to begin the six Grand Jeté at the climax. Suddenly, Uncle Jimmy Dale walked out on stage and stood in Jeremy’s path. Not only that, but he, too, was naked—and hard! Jeremy was revolted—and aroused. He wanted to reach out and grasp Jimmy Dale’s erection, but he didn’t because his mother and father were approaching behind his uncle.
“You’re a wicked boy, Jeremy! Wicked! And, you’re going to hell!” Jimmy Dale yelled at him.
“No! I’m a good boy!” he cried. “I am! Mommy, I’m a good boy! I am! I am, Daddy! I’m good! See how good I’m dancing? Everyone loves my dancing!”
But the audience was no longer cheering. They were turning their backs on the stage and leaving. Rafael still dancing, was ignoring everyone, including Jeremy.
“You’re wicked,” his mother declared.
His father nodded and said, “You’re a wicked boy. You do wicked things, Jeremy, and you have wicked thoughts! I’m very disappointed in you.”
“No! No! NO!”
Rafael was holding him, softly speaking.
“Jeremy! It’s a dream, sweetheart! It’s just a dream! You’re okay sweetheart! You’re okay! I love you, Jeremy.”
Jeremy looked around the dark bedroom and out the window at the night sky above the city. With a soft cry, shaking in Rafael’s arms, he sobbed, “Oh, God!”
—o-0-o—
“You should know, Dylan, that Teddy said yesterday that you’re the only person in the city who can make him look butch.”
They were standing on the sidewalk in front of the apartment building, their suitcases at their feet. Rafael grinned at Dylan. Teddy gave his nephew an imperious look. Jeremy grinned. Dylan vamped, “Well, girlfriend and I are dragging out together on Halloween. She’ll be Big Bertha, the Cannon that Can’t Fire, and I’ll be Labia Menorah, the Jewish drag queen.”
“You vile little bitch!” Teddy cried. “You’re not even Jewish. You’re more Episcopalian than we are. And the only labia you’ve ever seen or ever will were the ones you passed through when you were expelled from that nasty, waspy womb of your mother’s!”
Dylan had snapped his fingers at Teddy and turned his head with reproach when a red Porsche honked as it roared up to the curb in front of the building. Conrad Hartsfeld, wearing Ray-Bans and smiling, nodded as he came to a stop and turned off the powerful engine. He waved at the red-haired boy and asked, “Jeremy, is that you behind those Foster-Grants?”
“How did you know they’re Foster Grants?” the boy asked.
Conrad grinned at Rafael, who grinned back. The man climbed over the driver’s door and walked around the front of the car to the unusually-reserved Teddy, to whom he extended his hand and said formally, “Conrad Hartsfeld. It’s an honor to meet you, sir. I read your first book in junior high school. Boys in the Square gave me the inspiration to stand up to my family and be completely honest about who I am and what I want from life. I owe you a great deal.”
Teddy’s smile warmed considerably as he replied, “Well, I don’t know what to say. I am so gratified to know that it had such a positive effect on your life.”
Conrad nodded and said, “I came very close to running away before I read that book. I might have been one of those boys in Times Square instead of a trainee at Ballet Academy. Thank you.”
Teddy smiled and nodded his thanks before he asked, “Now, you will be careful with our boy, there, won’t you? No speeding through the canyons of Manhattan. You will remember that the Long Island Expressway is not the autobahn, I assume.”
“Of course,” Conrad replied with a grin as he grabbed Jeremy’s suitcase and tossed it in the tight back seat with his. He added with a grin, “You realize, though, that at some point, I have to demonstrate the car’s capabilities. I mean, what boy can ride in a German race car and not have a little fun?”
Rafael took his arm and whispered in his ear, “Jeremy is very special, Conrad.”
“I know,” the man replied back. “We will talk in Amagansett.”
Rafael nodded and Conrad smiled at him.
“All right, Fenwick!” Conrad called as he strode around the front of the car to the left side again. “What are you waiting for?”
Jeremy giggled with delight as he climbed over the passenger side door and dropped into the seat, watching Conrad do the same. The man reached over to the glove box and withdrew a bottle of sunscreen before handing it to Jeremy.
“Put this on everywhere that’s exposed,” Conrad said. “I don’t want your skin to look like your hair when you dance for Alistair Friday night!”
Jeremy giggled and began to apply the cream to his face and arms as Rafael leaned over and whispered, “Are you okay, now?”
The significant look he gave the boy let him know what Rafael was referring to. Jeremy smiled and nodded as he replied, “Yes. I’m okay. I was just…well…you know.”
Rafael nodded and squeezed Jeremy’s shoulder as he said in a low, but more audible voice, “Have fun. Enjoy the ride. I’ll see you in Amagansett.”
Jeremy nodded and grinned before replying, “I love you, Rafael.”
“Me, too.”
“You love you, too?”
“No, dummy!” Rafael replied with a laugh. “I love you!”
Jeremy beamed with joy at him. Conrad started the engine and revved it up loudly. Teddy clasped his hands with concern as the famous dancer grinned at him and then slowly and carefully pulled out into the morning traffic on Eighty-sixth Street just as Geoffrey pulled up in Alistair’s Lincoln. Jeremy looked over his shoulder and waved joyously at Rafael and the others. Rafael blew him a kiss. The light at Broadway was already green and Conrad made a left turn onto the wide boulevard. Jeremy turned back around when they were no longer in view.
“Well, what do you think of the car?” Conrad asked, the wind tossing his blond hair and Jeremy’s red hair about their heads.
Jeremy grinned and replied, “This is awesome! I love this car!”
“Just wait until we get on the highway,” Conrad remarked with a grin, “and I can open her up!”
Jeremy giggled and said, “My dad always wanted to get a Corvette, but Mom said he couldn’t until me and my brother were grown up.” He looked wistfully down Broadway and added, “He never had a chance to drive a sports car.”
Conrad smiled and glanced to the side. After studying the boy for a moment, he remarked, “You were very close to your parents, weren’t you?”
Jeremy nodded solemnly and Conrad said, “Jeremy, I think you have a lot of promise and the potential to be one of the greatest dancers ever and I intend to make sure you become everything you can be. It’s going to take a lot of hard work, a lot more than the other trainees at Ballet Academy will go through. I think you already know that Alistair has taken a special interest in Rafael and works with him. I’m going to do the same with you and I can promise that you will be a dancer of whom your parents would have been proud. You will be a spectacular dancer, Jeremy. World class. You will be a god in the dance world.”
The boy looked at Conrad with pride and determination and nodded. “I’ll do whatever it takes. I’ll do whatever you tell me to.”
“Good man,” Conrad replied with a nod. “So, tell me. What led you to ballet?”
Jeremy grinned and said, “Dad got tickets to Nutcracker from Rafael’s stepfather. I had never been to the ballet before. I had seen dancers on TV, of course, but I had never been to a real, live ballet and I’d thought it was all just people prancing around the stage in tutus. But, when I saw it, when I heard the music and saw the stage and watched the dancing…it was like everything changed. I mean, I had always listened to classical music. Mom and Dad made sure of that, but I had never seen anything like that actual performance before.”
He looked at Conrad and said, “I fell in love with ballet that night.” He paused and grinned, adding, “And, Rafael.”
“I suppose he was Fritz,” Conrad said.
Jeremy nodded and said, “I know Fritz normally doesn’t do much, but in Madame Pulchova’s version of Nutcracker, he dances a lot more and besides, Rafael also got to do the Russian Dance and I was so amazed at the Cossack dancing he did! You should have seen it! The audience cheered him. It was amazing. I decided that I wanted to be a dancer just like him.”
“Rafael is a very gifted dancer,” Conrad replied, “and you would be hard-pressed to find a better role-model for a dancer.”
“He’s wonderful,” Jeremy declared, “and I love him more than anyone or anything on earth.”
Watching the traffic on Broadway, Conrad smiled. He glanced over at the boy as they passed Lincoln Center and smiled at the joy and excitement on Jeremy’s face as he gazed at the beautiful buildings. Conrad pointed to the New York State Theater and said, “Someday, Jeremy, you may dance on that stage. You might end up with City Ballet or maybe Ballet of America will be permitted to perform there.”
Jeremy turned around with a smile and asked, “Where all have you performed?”
“Well, besides Ballet Centre, I’ve danced at Covent Garden in London and the Palais Garnier in Paris and in Amsterdam and Copenhagen and West Berlin, Zurich, Vienna, Milan…”
“I want to dance in all those places. I want to see the world,” Jeremy declared. “I want to be the best dancer in the world.”
Conrad was about to reply when Jeremy quickly asked, “Are we going to practice this afternoon?”
“Yes, we will,” Conrad replied with a smile. “I’m sure Alistair will want to work with you at some point today and I will most definitely want to work with you today. We’ll see what Alistair has planned and then work our training around that.”
Jeremy nodded and Conrad said, “You’re a very fortunate young man, Jeremy. You’ve earned the opportunity to train with two of the greatest dancers in the world. You should see Alistair dance. Even now, after seven years, he’s still a magnificent dancer. He was acclaimed as the greatest dancer in the world before he took over the company from his father. And, I, if I may be forgiven for saying so, am one of the greatest in the world now. Take advantage of this opportunity, Jeremy.”
“Oh, I will!” the boy declared fervently. “I have to be the best. I have to and working with you and Alistair…it’s been my dream to work with the greatest dancers!”
“You will, if I have anything to do with it,” Conrad replied as he patted Jeremy’s knee. Quickly, however, he withdrew his hand and cleared his throat as he returned his attention to making it through Columbus Circle.