Teddy Cochran stepped into his study, his sanctuary, his refuge from the chaos and discord of the outside world, and closed the door behind him, sighing with relief. He looked around with a smile and strolled over to a liquor cabinet at the side of the room, poured a little of the twenty-five year-old Macallan, and placed an album of Stefan Askanase playing Chopin nocturnes on the stereo, turned it down low, and stepped over to his desk. He sat in his leather chair and sipped his Scotch as he looked over the desk.
On the far right corner was a pink Princess telephone, behind the typewriter were several reference books, and on the far left corner was a framed color photograph of a man in his mid-thirties and a curly-haired boy of twelve. They were shirtless with the Atlantic Ocean behind them. Both were smiling and Teddy felt a sudden catch in his throat looking at the two people who meant most to him in the world. That glorious afternoon on the beach in The Hamptons with Alistair and Rafael had been one of the most glorious of his life. To see such happiness on the face of the usually angry and distrustful twelve year-old had brought tears to Teddy’s eyes that day and to see Alistair’s genuine smile, not the one he normally presented for the world, restored his faith that the great man was actually human. It was hard to believe that that picture was three years old. It seemed to Teddy that it had been taken only a few weeks before. How could Rafael already be fifteen? He was growing up too fast. In a flash, if he survived and didn’t do something stupid, Rafael was going to be a man, traveling the world with Ballet of America and being acclaimed by all. But, to Teddy, he was always going to be that damaged, frightened, angry little boy escaping his life in Greensburg.
Teddy reached for the pink Princess telephone. He took another sip of his single malt and dialed a telephone number in the Rhinelander exchange across Central Park from his apartment. A moment later, after the clicks and whirrs, the call was answered before the first ring ended with a crisp, commanding, “Mountjoy!”
“Alistair! Darling! Were you absolutely sitting on the telephone awaiting my call?”
“I was! Where the hell is my houseboy! I have needs!”
“Flying on the wings of eagles back to your penthouse aerie.”
“Good. I was afraid you had kidnapped him and were forcing him to tend to your vile and perverted desires.”
“Oh, I tried, but Geoffrey is as loyal to his master as a golden retriever.”
“You’ve been drinking,” Alistair remarked.
“Well, of course, dear. I’m alive, aren’t I?” Teddy replied.
“You’re mixing your metaphors.”
“I am not,” Teddy replied defensively. “An eagle can carry a golden retriever if said retriever is a pup—and Geoffrey is certainly very pup-like.”
“Yes, he is. He is quite beautiful.”
“And, those curls!” Teddy cried. “I almost swooned when I saw him. How’s his anus?”
“Delectable. How was your flight?”
“Detestable. We were delayed absolutely for days by the rain over New York. I was trapped on the plane with nothing to entertain me but a novel by Dickey about the perverted desires of inbred hillbillies. And, the boys were of no help. Our fascist jail guards wouldn’t let them dance in the aisle. I thought Rafael was going to crawl out of his skin with boredom.”
Alistair chuckled and said, “Your life is a living hell.”
“It is. It is,” Teddy replied.
“So, how is Rafi?” Alistair asked.
“Deliriously in love.”
Teddy could hear Alistair sigh into the telephone before the man replied, “Oh, Teddy. I love Rafael like a son. I really do, but you must have a talk with that boy. I cannot give him what he needs! I can’t.”
“Well, I’ll be sure to pass that on to him. However, far though it be from me to question your august Jovian magnificence, it’s not you with whom Rafael is in love.”
There was a pause on the line before Alistair responded with a confused, “I beg your pardon?”
Teddy grinned and said, “You are not the object of Rafael’s affection. Well, he does indeed love you and would walk over his mother to share your bed, but the person with whom Rafael is deliriously in love is Jeremy.”
“I beg your pardon?”
Teddy frowned and asked, “Alistair, do we have a bad connection?”
“Teddy, Rafael is in love with Jeremy? With Jeremy?”
“Yes, dear. I know it’s hard to believe that you might not be the center of absolutely everyone’s universe, but Rafael is in love with Jeremy. And the feelings are reciprocated.”
“But…but…Jeremy? He’s twelve!”
“Very good, Alistair. You’ve read his file!”
“Teddy, quit being an ass! You know what I mean. Rafael’s not into younger boys. He’s into older boys and men who will dominate him.”
“Well, he’s certainly into Jeremy and Jeremy certainly seems to be into Rafael,” Teddy replied adding parenthetically, “Dear, what a horrible misuse of the English language.”
“Well, I’m not at all certain I approve.”
“And, why not?” Teddy asked with surprise. “You can’t accept that someone in your circle has feelings of love for one who is not you?”
“If I didn’t still love you, you drunken fool, I’d tell you to go to Hell. No. The reason I’m dubious about this relationship is that Jeremy is twelve and Rafael… Rafael has never been twelve.”
“Alistair,” Teddy asked with shock, “you aren’t suggesting that Rafael would be a bad influence on Jeremy, are you?”
“Well, Teddy, you have to admit that Rafael is a lot more experienced than Jeremy. Jeremy is naive and innocent and Rafael is very…not. Jeremy is sweet…”
“…and his excretions smell of the fragrant lilac in the first bloom of spring,” Teddy interrupted with irritation. “Alistair, you’ve never even met Jeremy. How can you know what kind of boy he is beyond the reports you’ve received that he’s the reincarnation of Vaslav Nijinsky?”
“Anna Pulchova writes to me and says he’s innocent and naïve and she threatens me with all kinds of Russian Orthodox voodoo curses if I allow any harm to come to him.”
“I don’t think the Russian Orthodox Church practices voodoo.”
“Teddy, you know I love Rafael, but you have to admit that he’s been up and down the turnpike a time or two.”
“Alistair! You’ve ridden Rafael up and down the turnpike a time or two.”
There was no response on the other end of the line and Teddy smiled with triumph.
“You thought I didn’t know. Rafael doesn’t know that I know you’ve slept with him. I don’t approve, Alistair, but I haven’t said anything because you’ve had such a wonderful influence on him, showing him that love doesn’t have to be abusive and that it’s possible to trust other people. But, I will not allow you to question Rafael’s morality or intentions.”
“I’m not,” Alistair replied in a chastened voice. He sighed heavily and said, “I don’t think Rafael would ever hurt another person deliberately, but Rafael merely being Rafael could expose Jeremy to things he’s not ready for. Don’t you think so?”
“Alistair, Jeremy attending your ballet school will expose him to things he’s not ready for. Hell, do you have any idea what goes on in the showers there? My God, they make Caligula’s orgies look like Quaker Meetings.”
“Usually at your nephew’s instigation.”
Teddy took a deep drink of his Macallan and said, “Alistair, if you could have heard the anguish in Rafael’s voice on the phone last week when he called me about this very subject, or when we discussed this on the plane, you would realize you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Rafael is devoted to Jeremy. Absolutely devoted to him. He dotes on him like a mother hen and it wouldn’t surprise me if he erects a twelve-foot perimeter around the boy this week to protect him from you and all the deviants and perverts you’ve invited.”
“You’re the only deviant I’ve invited,” Alistair replied, “if you don’t count Jonathan Durham and the half-dozen or so dancers from the academy and the company who are coming.”
Teddy sighed and said, “Really, Alistair. I know what you’re concerned about, but you have nothing to fear. Rafael knows Jeremy is twelve and he knows that Jeremy has far less experience than he. However, I can assure you there is no one better suited to protect Jeremy from all the dangers of our little bit of the world here. Trust me on this.”
“All right, Teddy. You know I love Rafi and I’m just looking out for Jeremy. And, you should know that Rafael is the only student who’s ever been in my bed, and that was only once and a mistake.”
“Yes, I’m sure,” Teddy replied. He took a sip of his Scotch and said, “Sometimes, I wonder if you actually believe this image of the Great Ballet God that you present to the outside world.”
“Sometimes, I wonder that.”
Teddy nodded and asked softly, “Alistair, I can’t help but notice you’re listening to Barber’s Adagio for Strings and you seem to have it on repeat. What’s wrong tonight?”
Alistair sighed and replied, “Oh, Teddy. Just the usual demons.”
Teddy shook his head and said, “You and Rafael with the demons. At least when Rafael’s attacked by his, he dances.”
Alistair sighed and said, “I just drink and fuck Geoffrey.”
Teddy frowned and set his glass on the desk. “Alistair, your father’s dead. He can’t hurt you anymore. You’re free of him.”
“I’ll never be free of him. I’m a dancer because he made me a dancer. I run the ballet school he founded. I direct the company he created. I will always live in his shadow, Teddy. Always. And, like Rafi and his stepfather, I’m sexually driven because he fucked me every night for more than a decade.”
He took a deep breath and added, “If the world only knew the real Alistair Mountjoy…”
“Rafi says the same thing and I will say the same thing to you, Alistair, which is the same thing you say to him. Your father does not define you, Alistair, anymore than Stephen Hampton defines Rafael.”
Alistair sighed heavily and replied, “I know. I know. And, yet… he does. I think this is why I understand Rafi so well. God, maybe I should give him what he wants. Maybe we were made for each other.”
“He loves you, Alistair, but…”
“I know. Perhaps when he’s older and understands the world better.”
After a long moment of silence, Teddy finally said, “I’m looking forward to seeing you this weekend, Ally.”
“And I, you.”
“Well, there’s more of me to see now,” Teddy replied, returning to his jovially flippant demeanor.
“So, tell me about Jeremy,” Alistair said.
Teddy raised an eyebrow and replied, “Well, he is devoted to ballet. He was aghast to learn that we don’t have room here at the apartment to practice. And, Alistair, you should have seen him when Geoffrey stopped at Ballet Centre on the way home. He and Rafael stood on the sidewalk and Jeremy actually cried, he was so moved.”
“Really?” Alistair replied. “How… sweet. I think I will enjoy meeting him.”
“And, he almost had a heart attack when Geoffrey told us about this weekend. Rafael had to talk him out of jumping out the window. He is afraid he won’t be perfect for you.”
“Didn’t Rafael tell him I’ll be working with him one-on-one?”
“Oh, yes. That was how he got him to relax. Jeremy is obsessed with perfection.”
“That can be a good thing…”
“…or it cannot.”
“Yes. Well, either way, I’ll work with him and take him under my wing for a bit.”
“Yes, about that…”
“Teddy, don’t insult me by asking what you’re about to ask.”
Teddy took a deep breath and replied, “All right.”
“We’re going to have a nice weekend, Teddy. I want everyone to be happy.”
“Good. I will behave myself.”
“And, speaking of behaving badly,” Alistair said with a lilt in his voice, “why don’t you invite your little entourage, your Things for Friday night. I won’t have room at the house for them to stay over, but it would be nice to have them at the party. The guests usually find them entertaining, at least when they’re not turning fellatio into performance art by the pool.”
Teddy chuckled and said, “I’ll have a talk with them. They have a place in Cherry Grove this month, so they’re not far. I know they’ll love to come, though I will warn them to keep their hands off Geoffrey.”
“Oh, thank you. I don’t want to lose this houseboy. I have him trained just right, now.”
Teddy laughed and asked, “When are you going out to the house?”
“Tomorrow. I have a meeting with a few members of the board in the morning, which I’m not looking forward to. We’re talking about tawdry things like money and paying bills and such. Geoffrey will drive me out in the afternoon. Will Rafael and Jeremy be practicing tomorrow?”
“Yes, in the morning.”
“I may look in on them.”
“Be careful not to give Jeremy a heart attack.”
Alistair laughed and said, “Don’t worry. I know how to handle a nervous boy.”
“Yes, I’m sure you do,” Teddy replied dryly.
“Oh, Teddy,” Alistair quickly added. “I have a surprise for Rafael this weekend. Jonathan and I have finally finished The Gazelle and I want Rafi to perform it for the September Spotlight. I’m introducing it to him this weekend.”
“Oh, Alistair, he will be so thrilled,” Teddy replied happily. “He knows you’ve been working on it.”
“He does? Damn it, who told him?”
“Anna Pulchova, but he thinks it’s for his Spring Workshop when he’s eighteen.”
“Ah, well, that’s not so bad, but I was looking forward to seeing the expression on his face when I told him everything. I want him to know how much I think of his dancing.”
“He will be so happy, Alistair. The only thing that would make him happier is if you and he became lovers.”
“In a way, we are. I love Rafael. I just can’t make that ultimate commitment to him.”
“I know.”
They exchanged their love and their good-byes and Teddy hung up the telephone. Setting it back on the desk, he sat back in his chair, sipped his Scotch and looked at the photograph. Normally, he felt better after a talk with Alistair, but not tonight. In fact, he felt distinctly unsettled. With a frown, he turned his eyes from the picture. He couldn’t look at Alistair and Rafael together in the same photograph at that moment.
He took a long gulp of Scotch and then rose from his chair.
—o-0-o—
“Calling out around the world! Are you ready for a brand new beat? Summer’s here and the time is right for dancing in the street!”
The boys were standing at the kitchen counter making sandwiches next to the radio when Cousin Brucie on WABC announced a “golden oldie” from six summers before. Rafael screeched and spun around as “Dancing in the Street” began. Jeremy was startled by the older boy’s sudden reaction, but then grinned and laughed as Rafael began to dance and sing along with Martha and the Vandellas.
“Dancing in Chicago (dancing in the street), down in New Orleans (dancing in the street)…
The boys raised their arms in the air and joined in when they sang “In New York City,” and Jeremy finally joined Rafael in dancing along and singing. He grinned swinging and swaying and watching the joy on Rafael’s face as the older boy laughed and sang, working his hips and arms to the infectious rhythm of the song. Rafael looked so beautiful, his curls falling about, his body swaying and rocking, his eyes laughing so happily, that Jeremy felt himself grow hard with love and lust for the gorgeous teenager. When the song came to an end and was replaced by a commercial for Doublemint gum, Rafael dropped his arms on Jeremy’s shoulders and grinned in his face.
“We need to turn the radio off or we’ll never finish the sandwiches.”
Jeremy giggled and nodded.
“You know, I could never have done this back home.”
“Done what?” Rafael asked as he returned to the sandwiches. “Dance?”
Jeremy nodded. “At least not the way we were, to a song on the radio. They’d have thought I was queer.”
“But, you are,” Rafael replied with a grin.
Jeremy frowned and softly said, “Yeah, I guess, but it would have made things a lot harder for me.”
Rafael frowned with confusion. “I thought your brother told you Friday that your parents were proud of you.”
“He did and they were,” Jeremy replied. “But, they were still disappointed that I went after ballet instead of baseball or football. And, if they really thought I was queer… well, I don’t know what they would have done.”
“But, Brian said your father knew and said that they all had to accept it,” Rafael responded, turning toward Jeremy.
Jeremy sighed and said, “I don’t know if he was telling the truth. He could have just been trying to make me feel better. I heard Dad tell Mr. Barnett that he thought I was a queer and there was nothing he could do about it. You don’t know what its like, Rafael, to have a Dad who’s revolted by you. I mean, I know your stepfather was awful to you, but I loved my father and I know he was disappointed and disgusted with me.”
“But, Jeremy, they were going to send you to New York to train at Ballet Academy of America. That doesn’t sound like they were disgusted to me.”
Jeremy shrugged and said, “They loved me and they wanted me to be happy, but they only went along with it because people said I was so good. If I hadn’t been as good a dancer as I am, Dad would never have gone along with it. That’s why I have to be the best. I have to make up for my parents being so disappointed in me.”
Rafael put down the knife he was using to spread the mustard on the sandwiches. He faced the boy and said emotionally, “Jeremy, you cannot live someone else’s life. You can only live your own. Maybe your parents would have preferred you play sports instead of train to dance, but you can’t live someone else’s life. You have to follow your dream. Your dream.”
“But, I loved my parents and I wanted them to be proud of me,” Jeremy replied with his voice catching.
“And, they were. Brian said so and they wouldn’t have decided to send you to the Summer Intensive at Ballet Academy if they weren’t proud of you,” Rafael said. “You have to live your life, Jeremy, your own way. You almost killed yourself when you couldn’t dance this summer. You are a dancer, Jeremy. That’s who you are. If they loved you, they wouldn’t have wanted you to be someone you’re not. They loved you and it appears to me that they accepted you as a dancer. And, it sounds to me like they might have known you were gay and still loved you.”
Jeremy’s eyes were moist and he looked down. Rafael wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly as Jeremy’s restraint broke and he began to sob. The older boy held him tightly and gently kissed the top of his head, whispering, “It’s okay, Jeremy. Let it out. Let it all out.”
Teddy appeared at the door of the kitchen and his eyes met Rafael’s while the teenager held the younger boy. Slowly, he approached and wrapped his arms around both boys, causing Jeremy’s sobs to gradually subside. The man handed him a handkerchief and Jeremy wiped his eyes and nose as Rafael stepped back and returned to the sandwiches. Teddy smiled down at Jeremy and kissed his forehead.
“Do you feel better now?”
Blushing deeply, Jeremy nodded and said, “I’m sorry I act like such a crybaby.”
“You don’t act like a crybaby,” Teddy replied as he pulled a chair out from the table for the boy. “You act like a boy who dearly loved his parents and has experienced a deep and painful loss. But, as the philosopher said, ‘That which does not kill me makes me stronger.’ You will come out of all this, Jeremy, a much stronger young man and a better person. Because you have experienced such loss, you will be a more compassionate and sympathetic person. You’ll be all right, Jeremy.”
The boy smiled sadly and nodded as Rafael turned around with his platter of sandwiches. He set them in the center of the table as Teddy sat down across from him. “So, how was Alistair?” he asked.
Teddy frowned and replied, “He was listening to Barber’s Adagio for Strings.”
“Oh, dear,” Rafael muttered. He reached into a cabinet for plates and glasses and asked, “What’s the matter?”
“Oh, I suppose the usual ‘It’s lonely at the top’ sort of thing.”
Rafael turned around and set the plates on the table with frustration, declaring, “He doesn’t have to be alone. Everyone and their mothers love him. I love him! What am I, chopped liver?”
Softly, Teddy said, “Rafi, you really must quit tormenting Alistair about that. You know he can’t be your lover. You have to let that go, at least until you’re an adult. If you really loved him, you would.”
Rafael sighed and turned. He filled the glasses with tap water and heard Jeremy say, “Rafael, I know I’m not Alistair Mountjoy, but I love you and I’ll do whatever I can to make you happy.”
Rafael looked down at the sink with shame until he had filled the three glasses. He turned and set them on the table at each place and then turned to Jeremy.
“I don’t deserve you, Jeremy. I do love you. I love you more than you’ll ever know. Yes, I love Alistair, but it’s different. I don’t know how, but it is. But, I love you, too; more, deeper. I love you. It’s all weird and different and confusing and I really don’t understand it, so how can I expect anyone else to? But I love you, Jeremy.”
The boy smiled and Rafael placed napkins by each plate as the boy and the man placed sandwiches on their plates. Teddy started to take a bite, but froze when he saw Jeremy silently lower his head and pray. When the boy was finished Teddy and Rafael each proceeded to eat.
“So, what’s wrong with The Barber’s Adagio?” Jeremy asked.
“It’s Samuel Barber’s Adagio for Strings,” Rafael said. “Have you ever heard it?”
Jeremy shrugged and replied, “I don’t know.”
“Well, it’s a very sad and melancholy piece of music and it means a lot to Alistair. He always listens to it when he needs to cry.”
“Alistair Mountjoy cries?” Jeremy asked in surprise.
“Yes,” Teddy replied. “The Great Mountjoy is human.”
Jeremy pressed his lips together thoughtfully as Teddy watched him.
“Many years ago,” he explained, “when Alistair had just left Ballet Academy and joined the Corps de Ballet of his father’s company, a friend of his set him up on a blind date with a sophomore English Lit major from Columbia University. Well, they met at a small Italian place off Broadway, but the dinner didn’t go well. Neither of them seemed to have anything in common with the other and toward the end, Alistair suggested they just accept the inevitable and go their own ways. Well, his date had tickets to a concert at City Center and begged him to at least attend with him and enjoy the beautiful music. So, Alistair relented. The concert wasn’t very memorable except for the final piece, which was Samuel Barber’s new work, his Adagio for Strings. Well, Alistair had gone through a lot of trauma during the previous few years and the music touched something deep within. He started sobbing uncontrollably, which was and is something Alistair never did or does in public, and when he turned his head, he found the sophomore from Columbia was sobbing, as well.”
He stopped and Jeremy softly asked, “You were his date?”
Teddy nodded and added, “It was the first time Alistair fell in love with someone who wasn’t absolutely beautiful…or absolutely twelve.”
Jeremy looked at him with shock and Rafael shot him an angry look. Teddy smiled apologetically and said, “Just kidding. That was an inside joke.”
Jeremy nodded, though he glanced at Rafael for confirmation. However, Rafael seemed upset as he inspected his sandwich. Jeremy decided to eat and not bring it up again.
After a moment of silently eating, Rafael finally looked up and asked, “Teddy, do you remember what we talked about last night, about where Audrey Hepburn wanted to have breakfast?”
“Yes, dear, I do,” Teddy replied with a smile.
“Do you think you could take care of that for me tomorrow? I know I’ll be down in that area, but I won’t have time to get over there.”
“I would be delighted to,” Teddy replied happily.
Jeremy grinned shyly and asked, “So, what are you getting me at Tiffany’s?”
Rafael looked at Jeremy with shock and consternation and the boy giggled. “What? You think I’ve never seen Breakfast at Tiffany’s?”
“You see?” Teddy exclaimed, leaning forward. “I told you he was queer, but would you listen? Nooo!”
Rafael shook his head and sighed as Jeremy added apologetically, “My parents did let me stay up and watch Saturday Night at the Movies sometimes. George Peppard is sexy.”
“Yes,” Rafael replied as he rolled his eyes.
Jeremy repeated, “So, what are you getting me?”
Rafael scowled and replied, “A gold cock ring and silver nipple clamps.”
“What?”
“Rafael!” Teddy scolded. “The poor boy’s only twelve! At least wait until he’s thirteen!”
Rafael sighed and said, “Well, you’ve ruined my surprise, so you’ll just have to wait until I decide to give it to you.”
“So, it’s a single thing,” Jeremy responded thoughtfully, though he added nervously, “It’s not an engagement ring, is it?”
“What?” Rafael responded.
Jeremy blushed and said, “Well, I don’t know what gay guys do when they love each other.”
Rafael nodded and smiled. “I understand. No, it’s not an engagement ring, but you’ll just have to wait until I decide it’s the appropriate time to give it to you.”
Jeremy smiled at him and whispered, “I love you.”
“Yeah, me too,” Rafael replied wearily.
“What? You love you, too?” Jeremy asked with a grin.
“No, dummy,” Rafael replied in the same way Jeremy had earlier. “I love you!”
Jeremy giggled and seemed happy the conversation had moved on from heavy topics.
The three resumed eating their sandwiches as Rafael and Teddy traded gossip about events over the summer until their sandwiches were gone. Teddy rose and declared, “Since you two wonderful boys worked so hard to prepare our little repast, I shall clean up and let the two of you retire to the hymeneal chamber.”
Rafael grinned as he replied, “Jeremy’s the one who worked hard. Jeremy’s always hard.”
“I am not!” the boy cried with outrage. “You are!”
“Am not! You are!”
“No! You are!”
“Girls! Girls! Settle down or I may have to take the cane to both of you!” Teddy cried.
Rafael grinned. He stood up and Jeremy howled and pointed to the front of the teenager’s shorts.
“Look! Rafael’s got a boner! Boner Boy! Boner Boy!”
“Get out before I swat your butt!” Rafael warned.
Jeremy stuck his tongue out and giggled before he hugged Teddy tightly.
“Thank you for everything, Teddy. I’m so grateful you let me come live with you.”
“Well, thank you for coming and brightening our otherwise dreary home.”
“Hey!” Rafael cried. “Once again, what am I? Chopped liver?”
“No,” Jeremy replied with a mischievous grin. “You’re a big, long wiener!”
He ran out of the kitchen singing, “Wiener Boy! Wiener Boy!”
Rafael smiled as the boy disappeared and Teddy raised an eyebrow at him.
“He’s twelve,” Rafael muttered with a blush.
Teddy began to clear the table and replied with a grin. “Yes, he is, which is something I’d like to talk to you about.”
Rafael looked at him and said, “Yes?”
Teddy inhaled and said, “Alistair is concerned.”
“Because I’m fifteen and Jeremy’s twelve?”
Teddy nodded and Rafael asked with irritation, “He thinks I’m going to be a bad influence on him?”
Teddy shrugged as he carried the dishes to the sink. “He thinks you’ve never been twelve and may expose Jeremy to things he’s not ready for yet.”
“This is the very thing I was worried about earlier,” Rafael exclaimed. “I don’t want to hurt Jeremy. I would never do anything to hurt him. I was concerned about that, but you said I had nothing to worry about. I like that Jeremy’s twelve. I like that he’s naïve and inexperienced and good and decent. I don’t want to spoil that. I want him to enjoy being twelve for as long as he can. I’m not going to push him.”
“That’s what I told Alistair,” Teddy replied. “I told him he had nothing to worry about.”
“What business is it of his, anyway?” Rafael demanded. “Is he afraid I’ll get in his way when he puts the moves on Jeremy?”
“He’s not going to do that!” Teddy exclaimed.
Rafael sighed and looked away before he replied, “Yeah, I know. Alistair doesn’t do stuff with his students. He’s fucked every dancer in New York, but he doesn’t do it with his students. If he was going to, though, Jeremy is exactly the kind of boy he would go for. But, you’re right, he doesn’t have relationships with his students.”
Teddy took a deep breath and softly said, “He has a relationship with you.”
Rafael looked him in the eye for a moment before he replied, “I was referring to a sexual relationship.”
“So was I.”
Rafael blushed and then looked away. Softly, he asked, “How did you know?”
Teddy smiled sadly and replied, “Rafi, I’m not stupid. I knew it when you slept with him. I don’t approve, but I know how you are and I know that Alistair has had a marvelous influence on you, so I’ve not said anything. I don’t want Alistair going after Jeremy, though, anymore than you do. However, I know that he can be a wonderful guide and friend to the boy. I will speak with him while we’re in Amagansett. You needn’t worry about Jeremy in that respect.”
Rafael sighed and said, “Maybe I do. He took one look at Alistair’s poster in my bedroom and almost swooned.”
Teddy rolled his eyes and said, “Yes, Alistair does seem to have that effect on people, damn him.”
“And, as for me pushing Jeremy toward things he’s not ready for, I may not have much choice in that matter. His hormones are kicking in and Jeremy is a very determined guy. In case you haven’t noticed, he’s can be a bullheaded little bastard.”
“Yes, I can imagine,” Teddy replied. “We just don’t want to contribute more than we have to to the Moral Degeneration of Jeremy Fenwick.”
Rafael stared at the floor for a long moment and then asked, “Are you angry with me?”
Teddy smiled and said, “I can’t be angry with you, Rafael. You’ve been through hell and you’ve emerged as a kind and decent boy, gifted and brilliant and loving. I can put a stop to anything that I fear will harm you, but I would like to see you refrain from sleeping with Alistair for a while. And, I can assure you that Alistair will not be sleeping with Jeremy. My fear for the boy is more about the other dancers at Ballet Academy and all the hangers-on who follow the danseurs at the school and the company. I know I promised Jane McCoy that I would protect her nephew, but I must say that I do worry. You know how to protect yourself; he doesn’t. Then again, he may need to be thrown to the wolves before he learns to survive in this little corner of the world.”
“I’ll protect him the best I can,” Rafael said.
“I know you will and I’ll help the best I can.”
Rafael smiled and said, “You know, you do your best to come off radical and scandalous when you’re really just a boring, conventional old…”
“Watch it, young man!” Teddy warned with a grin. “I can still put my hands on that cane if need be!”
Rafael grinned and turned as Teddy said, “Have a wonderful night, Rafael, and love that boy. He needs it. Take care of him.”
“I will,” the teenager replied. Thank you, Teddy. I love you.”
“I love you, too, Rafi.”
But, when the boy was gone, Teddy sniffed before turning back to the sink.
“Damn it,” he whimpered to himself.
Copyright © 2014 FreeThinker
Posted March 2014
Updated 4 June 2025