Mr. Tuckman opened the door, looked surprised to see us, but I guess he recognized the serious look on Dad’s face. In any case, he didn’t hesitate to invite us in.
We went into the living room and were invited to sit down.
My dad spoke first. “Robert, I’m really sorry to barge in on you like this. We need to talk, and it would be best if Betty could join us. I think Jed should, too, but it would embarrass him, and maybe we can avoid that for now. This will be uncomfortable; it’ll embarrass you and Betty, too, but even more so if Jed’s with us. It’s your call, but I’d suggest you could just ask Betty to join us, you could hear us out, and then we could get Jed later, or you could talk to him after we leave.”
Mr. Tuckman’s eyes were full of questions, but the tone of voice my dad was using made him decide it might be best to go along with what was being asked, so he went into the kitchen and we could half hear a muffled conversation. Then the two of them returned. Dad stood up when Mrs. Tuckman entered, so I did too, and she smiled at him, and me, and gestured with her hand for us to sit back down.
“Hi, Betty. I told Robert I was sorry to come tonight, and I’ll tell you the same thing. You’re not going to like what I have to say, but you need to, and then we need to discuss it. I hope we can do that, because we’re all parents who want the best for our kids. I want that. I know you want that, too.”
He stopped and looked at them both. I could see worry begin to show on both their faces.
I felt miserable, and at the same time so very, very happy I had the father I did and that he was with me; there was no way I could have handled this alone without breaking down. Knowing he was with me, and that he supported me, made all the difference in the world.
When no one else said anything, my father continued. “There isn’t any easy way to get into this, so I’m just going to tell you what happened.” He paused, looked at each of them, then went on. “I just learned that for some time, Jed and Tim have been experimenting sexually with each other.”
My face immediately turned about four shades of red, and I dropped my eyes. I couldn’t look at either of the Tuckmans. I felt about two inches tall.
“I don’t know how either of you feel about that. I’ll tell you how I feel, but it’s just that, my feelings. It’s this: many boys do something of this sort, and in my opinion we shouldn’t make too big a deal over it. When I was a boy, I fooled around with other boys. Then I grew up. It happens. So it doesn’t bother me a lot. It’s certainly embarrassing, even more to talk about it, but it happens.
“Why I came over to tell you about it wasn’t because of what they were doing, but because of what else happened. But before we go further, I’d like to know what you feel about what I just said. It’s a fact, it’s been happening, and if that’s going to be a huge issue here, I’d like to know about it now. Robert?”
I had the courage to slowly raise my head and look at Mr. Tuckman. He was looking at me. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do was not immediately drop my eyes again. I didn’t. I wanted to, but I didn’t. I met his gaze.
I looked at the expression on his face, and was surprised, then relieved, to see it was relatively neutral. He wasn’t smiling, of course, but he didn’t look outraged, either. He simply looked at me with no readable expression, then shifted his gaze to his wife. I did, too.
Mrs. Tuckman was having a problem knowing what to look at. She was embarrassed, that was clear. She was blushing, she was clasping and unclasping her fingers, and she was not meeting anyone’s eyes. Finally, with her husband staring at her, she looked back at him. And, she spoke.
“I’ve heard and read that boys do that. I guess, if you ask me my opinion, it would be, I’d rather not know about it. Girls don’t do that, at least not that I’m aware of, but if boys do, they do. I guess if I could ask a question, it would be, does this mean Jed’s gay? If he is, I want to know. But I’m feeling a little like I’m being put on the spot here. Why are you telling us this, Sam.”
The statement was put out in an inquisitive manner, not as a challenge, and there was no anger in her voice, just uncertainty. My father nodded at her, then again said, “Robert?”
Mr. Tuckman again was silent as he thought about his answer. Then, looking somewhere over Dad’s head, said, “Hell, Sam, I messed around myself, and once when I might have even been older than these guys. Betty’s right, some boys do it, some don’t, and some of the ones that do, do it longer than others. It’s just the talking about it that seems strange and embarrassing. But I guess I’d say, neither of us has a problem, and we’re both curious why you’re telling us. If that’s all there was to this, it would have been better to not even discuss it. But you say there’s more to it. What’s the rest?”
“I can’t tell you how relieved I am to hear you both say that. I’m not surprised, I always thought you both were very open-minded, rational people, but I am relieved. Knowing how you feel about the two boys, I now think we can work through a tough situation. It’ll still be difficult, but I’m more optimistic. I think this is when we should have Jed join us. We’ll want his input. He’ll be embarrassed, but I think he needs to be here, and I think you’ll agree when you hear the rest of it.”
He stopped, perhaps to think of how to approach the rest of what needed to be addressed. Then he said, “Before Jed gets here, let me try to respond to one of Betty’s questions.” He turned to her, still with a serious look on his face.
“Betty, if you want to know if Jed’s gay, you need to ask him. He needs to answer that. But, if I can reassure you a little, I’ll tell you this. What he’s done with Tim doesn’t mean he’s gay, and I’ll break a confidence a little by telling you that Tim doesn’t think Jed’s gay. I hope that helps, but you really need to discuss it with Jed. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how mature he is and find that he can talk about it with you.” Then he swung his head back around and asked, “Robert, can you get Jed now?”
“Sure, if you think that’s best. I’ll get him.” Mr. Tuckman stood up, walked to the bottom of the stairs, and called up to Jed. I could hear him answer in a very tentative voice, and then, a couple minutes later, he was sitting next to me on the couch, looking as uncomfortable as I’d ever seen him look. He knew what was going on.
My father talked to him first. “Jed, I’m sorry about all this. Tim told me basically but without many specifics what went on this afternoon, as he told you he would. Not details, just what happened. I’ve told your parents that you and Tim have been sexually experimenting with each other for some time now. They’ve both said they’re all right with that.”
Jed snapped his head around to look at his father, who smiled at him. At that point, Jed looked like a ton weight had been lifted off him and his eyes got a little watery and the look of severe pain that had been on his face eased up. He quickly looked at his mother, and she smiled too.
My father then looked back at the adult Tuckmans and continued. “Okay, now the next part. It’s hard. I don’t have to tell you about the antipathy that exists between your two children. I’m sure you’ve tried your hardest to curb it, but it’s real, it still exists, and it’s why we’re here tonight talking. I’d like to have Tim or Jed tell you their feelings about how Jed and Missy interact, but Tim told me neither of them wants to, so I guess it’s left to me.”
He paused and looked at both of us with his eyebrows raised, and we both quickly shook our heads no, emphatically.
“All right, then. Here goes. Tim says, and Jed agrees, that Missy has given Jed a very difficult time for a number of years, and has been able to recruit support from you, Betty, in doing this. This may have seemed like kid stuff to you, no doubt it did, but it wasn’t that way for Jed. He’s had to live with her barbs and physical attacks for a long time. He’s been punished for things Missy told you about that weren’t true, and he’s felt helpless to do anything about it because you believed her and supported her without question. Tim, being Jed’s friend, felt some of what Jed was going through. He not only heard about it, but he experienced some of her wrath, too.”
Betty was fidgeting. She was showing anger, then puzzlement, then anger again, and she wanted to speak, probably to defend herself, maybe to defend Missy, but Dad put his hand up and said, “Please, Betty. This is hard. I’d like to get through this.”
She opened her mouth, then closed it and nodded. Dad went ahead. “Last year, they found a way to get back at her, they did it, and they thought it was all over with because since then, Missy has left Jed alone. However, evidently she was just waiting to get back at Jed, and probably Tim, too. Well, today she did.
“This afternoon, she burst in on them when they were engaged in some sort of sexual activity, and she took several quick photos of them, then ran before either of the boys was able to grab her or the camera. Tim says the pictures would absolutely destroy them at school. I think you can agree, we need to get the film from her before she can get it developed, and we need to convince her not to tell anyone what she found them doing.”
He stopped, and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I have to dump all this on you, but you can see now why I had to tell you about Tim and Jed, and why I had to talk to you about this now. We need to get that film, and he hadn’t told you any of this, demanding Missy give it to us wouldn’t have made any sense. This is really serious business, it can affect both these boys’ lives in this town, maybe for the rest of their lives. It could cause repercussions for Missy, too, as distributing pictures of a pornographic nature involving underage children is a criminal offense.”
He paused a moment so they could digest that, then continued. “This is really urgent, and we have to do something as quickly as possible. Do you agree with me, we have to have the film?"
I’d been watching Mrs. Tuckman, and the emotions on her face had been changing throughout Dad’s recital. Now, her voice filled with shock and not a little embarrassment but still with adamant support for her daughter, she said, “Surely Missy wouldn’t do that! Yeah, the kids bicker a lot, but doing something like this, it would be, well… she wouldn’t do it. I know she wouldn’t. She’s a wonderful girl. That would be, well, cruel! Heartless!”
Jed spoke up. His voice was hollow and sounded more like a 10-year-old voice than anything. “Mom, you’ve never believed me when I’ve tried to tell you what she does. You’ve always believed her side of everything. But she’s going to show everyone those pictures. She’s hated me since I can remember.” There was sadness on his face, and in his voice. He looked down at the couch, and I could see tears. I didn’t know if they were because of what he’d suffered at his sister’s hands, or for his mother’s longtime disbelief in him and lack of support.
“Jed!” she cried, and rushed over to the couch and hugged him. I got up to give her room, and she sank down next to him. He put his arms around her and buried his face in her neck and hugged her tightly.
No one spoke for a minute, and then Mr. Tuckman asked her if she knew where Missy was.
“She left right after dinner, said she had something to do.”
“Well, we all know what that was. She’s getting the film developed. Does anyone have any idea where she might go to get that done?” My father looked at everyone, and all he got was blank stares back.
I thought of something. “Dad, the ones she took of us, well, I guess you would label them as pornographic. A regular photo shop would balk at printing those. So what I think is, she took them to one of those places where a machine develops the film and then prints the pictures and they get shoved into an envelope and no one has to see them. I think that’s the only way she could get this done.”
My dad sat up a little straighter. “You’re probably right. Good thinking! If I had to guess, she’d take the film to one of those mall kiosks. If she did that, she wouldn’t get the prints back till tomorrow. What we have to worry about is the one-hour places. They’d be riskier for her because the attendant might well glance at the printed photos.”
We all looked at each other. It seemed that all we could really do is wait for Missy to come home.
Wait and worry.