They’d been friends since second grade. Mrs. Spalding had seated kids alphabetically by their first names, but she didn’t start at a corner seat in the front row and run down the aisles toward the back of the room as most teachers did. She went across the front of the room side to side, starting with the front row, then moved to the second row going across the room the same way. Because of her seating system, Jacoby Jenning and Joshua Anthony sat next to each other.
They had different personalities, but that had no effect on them becoming friends and actually was beneficial. Jacoby, who passionately disliked that name and insisted on being called Jack, was the larger of the two and both heavier and taller. Josh, who disliked the full name Joshua, a name his mother insisted on using—he told everyone his name was Josh—was slender and short. He was also a terribly sweet kid, a little shy and reclusive, a little timid. Jack made up for that. He was outgoing, a bit rough-and-tumble and almost from the time they met, Josh’s protector.
They went through elementary school together, and by the time they were in fourth grade, their mothers were making sure they were in the same classroom. They saw how the two boys depended on each other and knew they were happier and more successful together than they would be apart. Jack kept Josh from being teased or bullied, and Josh helped Jack with the academic side of school.
Jack felt a responsibility to protect Josh. He did this in all things, constantly attentive to and alert for any problems his friend was having. For example, when Josh was found to have severe reactions to bee stings and was given an EpiPen to carry when outdoors, Jack made sure he was there watching as Josh was taught when and how to use it; from then on, he always asked Josh if he had it with him whenever they went outside. Josh acted as if this was a nuisance but secretly knew it meant Jack cared about him, and his own feelings for his friend grew.
Middle school was different. Now, teachers taught only one subject, and the kids changed classes every 50 minutes. For the first time, Jack and Josh were split up; they had different schedules and even different home rooms. But the separation wasn’t as bad as they’d both thought it would be. They still ate lunch together, and kids quickly found out that teasing or bullying Josh would get them seriously hurt as soon as Jack could find them after school. Besides which, Josh was so nice, so kind, so helpful to other kids, he now had a bunch of friends who’d stand up for him against the very few bullies that existed in the school.
The two boys still got together after school and did their homework in either Jack’s or Josh’s home, Josh helping Jack over the rough spots. They still spent weekends together. They still had frequent sleepovers. And they started doing other things together, too.
It had been a natural progression, going from being the bestest of best friends—bestest was one of Jack’s words—to boyfriends. Surprisingly, Josh had matured a little earlier than Jack, and he was the one who first learned the joys of playing with himself. He didn’t keep the secret from Jack, though, and both boys learned how to please each other almost at the same time they learned how to please themselves.
Now they were about to enter high school. Ninth grade. They were both fifteen. And they were in love with each other.
««« »»»
“I can’t stand it!”
“Shhhhh.”
“Shhhhh, yourself.” Jack was mad. He was often mad. Perhaps he was frustrated more than mad, but with Jack, when he was frustrated, it grew into anger sooner rather than later.
Josh shook his head and ran his hand up and down his friend’s arm, soothingly. “A few more years and we can tell everyone. But not now. Not when we’re just starting high school. We have to wait.”
“But I don’t want to wait! We’ve waited already. Dammit…”
Josh hugged him. Josh had grown bigger, but so had Jack, and he still out-stood and outweighed Josh by a considerable margin. However, the dynamic of the relationship had changed as the years had passed. Jack had been the dominant one as they’d been growing up. He was the leader, he’d called the shots, and Josh had been happy to let him. Jack made Josh feel safe, and eventually, love had ensued. But in the last year, the relationship had been changing, and little by little, in a natural sort of way, Josh had become the steadying influence, the one who made the decisions, the default leader of the two.
Jack hadn’t minded. He’d known for a long time that Josh was smarter than he was—it was recognized at school that Josh was at the top of their class—and made better decisions than he did. Josh had an insight into people and behaviors that baffled Jack. He was just happy that Josh still loved him. He thought Josh was one of the best looking boys in the school—hell, in the entire town—and still one of the nicest and best-liked. He could have had anyone he wanted. Jack had even told him so once when he’d been feeling down. Josh had said that he had no idea if that were true or not, but it was immaterial because he loved Jack, not anyone else.
Jack got to thinking about how any kid Josh’s age could use a word like ‘immaterial’ without batting an eye and forgot his temporary depression.
Jack was now fussing about something he’d begun to carp about more and more often. He loved Josh. Josh loved him. Boys who had girlfriends their age held hands out of school, in the mall, on the sidewalk, in the McDonald’s the kids went to. Some of them even kissed each other, and no one said a thing about it. And he was sure that those kids didn’t love each other anywhere near as much as he and Josh loved each other.
The thing was, it wasn’t only boys and girls doing this. There weren’t many, but there were a few gay couples who were out, and he’d seen some of them on the streets, in the parks and at the mall hand in hand. He hadn’t seen any of them kiss, but it was obvious they were together, couples.
So why couldn’t he and Josh hold hands in public? Why couldn’t he kiss Josh whenever the urge to do so was so strong, not just in their bedrooms? Why not?
The thing was, he knew the answer. It was because of him. And more and more lately, it was taking him beyond frustration.
««« »»»
The boys’ mothers were great friends. They had been since their sons had become pals in second grade. They had talked about whether their boys were gay as early as when the boys were in fourth grade. They’d been pretty sure they were by the time they were in sixth.
And then, during that year when the boys were eleven, Josh had told his parents he was gay. It just felt like the right thing to do for him, and he was pretty sure his mother knew anyway. She had taken to dropping remarks, subtle but not too subtle, that she loved him unconditionally and was as proud of him as she could ever be and always would be no matter what.
So he’d made subtle remarks, too, more subtle than hers, he thought, about kids having two parents, and how hard it must be for gay kids to have one accepting parent and not two. He thought that was pretty clever. She kept her smile to herself. And she told him yes, that must be really hard, but she didn’t know any people like that. All the parents she knew who had no problem with the thought of having a gay kid were solidly supportive in that regard, both the dad and the mother. Every one of them felt the same way she and Josh’s dad felt.
So he’d been pretty sure they’d be OK, and he was very close to them. They’d always been there for him, they loved him, and he didn’t like hiding part of who he was from them. So he told them. And all that happened was he got more hugs than usual for the next two weeks.
But then he found out that his mother had lied to him. She in fact did know of a case where a mother and father differed on the subject of having a gay son. And in fact, it was Jack’s parents. Jack’s mother felt just like Josh’s; it was the son that mattered, not the sexuality. But Jack’s father didn’t feel like that. He had no room in his heart for a gay son. And he’d never hidden his feelings on the subject.
In the last two years, the man had become suspicious of the relationship Jack had with Josh. They were too close in his eyes. He wanted Jack to get involved in youth football. He wanted him to start dating. He told his wife he wanted Jack to spend less time with Josh. No more sleepovers.
He left all this in his wife’s hands because he was a traditionalist; he thought all child-rearing responsibilities were up to her, not him. He was the disciplinarian; she was the mother. He also was an important businessman and felt he shouldn’t be expected to take time for kids, even his own. Not that he wanted to.
Mrs. Jenning balked at his edict. She rarely fought him on what he wanted, but she knew how close the two boys were, she knew Jack’s success in school was partly due to Josh’s help, and she liked the soft, kind demeanor Josh displayed and wanted that to rub off on Jack. She didn’t want Jack to grow up to be like his father.
She’d resented the man for some time, and their differences had grown. They were no longer in a loving relationship; he had no time for anything so frivolous as love; he was much too important. To Mrs. Jenning, his latest demand proved to be the last straw. She dug her heels in: Jack was not going to lose his best friend just because her husband felt it might damage his own image.
Mr. Jenning reacted to this by telling her he was going to send Jack to military school, the same one he’d gone to. It had made a man of him, and Jack would follow in his footsteps. Mrs. Jenning thought that over for 24 hours and then filed for divorce. She asked for alimony, child support, and full custody of her son.
And there was the rub. The divorce wasn’t final; there had been numerous delays, but the case would be heard in court soon. During the time leading to the hearing, Jack’s father had moved out of the house. He continued to send her a monthly allowance, but her lawyer said that was to show he was a responsible father, something that would pay him dividends at the divorce and custody hearing.
The man had done something else, as well. He’d hired a private detective to try to get some dirt to use against her before the judge. Getting dirt was difficult to do because she was a good woman and fine mother, but, one night, upset by the way things had gone, she’d been invited out by some supportive friends who’d also gone through messy divorces. That night, urged on by her friends with suggestions that she needed to loosen up for one night, she’d gotten drunk. And the detective had taken pictures.
The judge that had been chosen to officiate had a reputation as a hardliner with old-fashioned precepts. Mrs. Jenning’s attorney had told her that Jack’s custody would already be an issue because she had no job skills and would be entirely dependent on alimony, while his father had enough money to take care of Jack in a much more affluent style. That, coupled with the pictures and Jack’s age, meant the custody battle wasn’t the sure thing it should be. But there was more. The lawyer had told her that the judge had a record of decisions that suggested a leaning toward homophobia. If Jack’s father told the man that he was trying to save his son from homosexual influences and would be sending him to military school to prevent his turning gay, that he’d asked his wife for support in this and she’d refused, and that the boy had a friend who was probably gay and that there was cause for worry where that relationship was going—all that might be enough to affect the decision.
With his father gone, Jack’s mother had sat him down and told him about this. She also told him whether or not he was gay she loved him. She said she wanted him to continue his friendship with Josh, including even their sleepovers, and if he ever did want to tell her he was gay, he could, but it would be better not to do so till after the hearings so she wouldn’t have to lie in court if she was asked if her son had ever told her he was gay, or even questioning.
««« »»»
Jack and Josh were in the Terrytown City Park sitting on a bench near the swimming pool. They were watching the bandstand where they thought they’d seen a kid crawl out from under. But they hadn’t seen more than that and weren’t sure they’d actually seen him.
Jack was upset, and Josh was trying to calm him. Josh looked around, saw they were alone, and took Jack’s hand. Jack quickly glanced around, then squeezed Josh’s hand quickly before taking his own back. But he smiled, his dark mood broken.
The photographer who was lingering behind the bushes that masked the public restrooms from the rest of the park cursed himself for not having his camera ready for the instant the two boys had their hands interlocked. He’d seen the look in Jack’s eyes when he looked at the other boy, and her fervently wished he’d had the camera ready to snap that.
««« »»»
Josh watched Jack fret and pulled him down onto the bed with him. He kissed him once and then again, and gradually Josh came out of his funk. Josh knew how to get Jack out of his moods, which had affected him more and more since his father had left. It wasn’t that he minded his father being gone; it was his mother’s nervousness and worrying, a constant in her life since the man had left. That’s what made Jack unhappy. She kept assuring him the hearing would be OK, that she’d have full custody, that his father would be assessed with both alimony and child-support payments, and that she’d find a job and things would work out, but he could tell she wasn’t any more sure of that than he was.
One of the ways Josh got Jack back to being himself was what he was doing now: making out. But he had other ways as well, and when they finished what they were doing on the bed, rather than allow Jack to start moping again, Josh was ready to try another diversion.
“Hey, I’ve got an idea.”
Jack laughed. “When don’t you have an idea?”
“Hey, you like my ideas!”
“Yeah. Especially the one you had a few minutes ago. We’ll have to try that again.”
Now it was Josh’s turn to laugh—and blush, too. “Yeah. But that wasn’t what I was thinking of. Have you heard of the new place for kids in town?”
“You know I don’t read the newspapers.”
“I know, and I keep telling you, you should. Anyway, it’s just opened. It’s called the Terrytown Fuller Youth Center. I read about it. There’s an artist who lives here, a pretty famous one, and he’s donated money for this place. His name’s Corbin Fuller. The paper made it sound pretty neat. Why don’t we go check it out?”
««« »»»
The FYC, which was what everyone ended up calling it, was located in a building in the middle of the city, only a few blocks from the high school. Corbin and his partner, Bruce, had been lucky. A health club had recently built the facility, thinking that, as it was the only one in the town, it would do a bang-up business. It hadn’t. The town wasn’t large enough or the economy strong enough for such a top-end club with commensurately high fees. The club was part of a national chain and had spared no expense in making it state of the art. It had a gym, a swimming pool, a snack bar, a large room that had been filled with exercise equipment, racquetball courts, men’s and women’s locker rooms and showers, a unisex sauna, whirlpools and a spa.
Corbin had had the exercise equipment replaced with two ping- pong tables, two pool tables and many sofas and upholstered chairs set in conversational groupings.
It had private areas and rooms, too. As Josh and Jack walked around, amazed by the facility that was outfitted for kids like them, they saw nameplates on the walls by some of the doors to the private rooms.
“Look,” said Josh, pointing to one of the nameplates.
Jack saw what was written: This room reserved for LGBT activities. Friends welcome.
“Wow.” The town was becoming more accepting of gay kids, but this was the first time they’d seen anything that was outside the schools that even mentioned their existence.
They continued to scout out the place. They stopped and looked for a long time when they came to the back wall where doors opened into the administration offices. There, mounted with a soft spotlight illuminating it, was a large painting of an old mill, and off to one side, two boys in each others’ arms. Naked.
It wasn’t erotic. It didn’t show sex. It showed love. Josh wondered how the artist had done that. If he thought about it, it seemed impossible to show two naked boys together and have it not be erotic. But that wasn’t what he felt when he looked at it. The position of the two boys, the language of their bodies, their apparent feelings, the light around them—all evoked emotion, tenderness, an awakening of spirit, a closeness that could only be expressed with one word: love. What he felt, he realized while looking at it, was a bit of jealousy and a lot of joy, joy that such a painting could be on public display, showing what he felt when he was with or even thought about Jack.
How could anyone look at this and not see the rightness of it?
They both stared at the picture without speaking, both lost in thought. Then, almost unconsciously, Jack moved slightly, and the back of his hand brushed against the back of Josh’s.
They stood like that for some time.
««« »»»
The FYC was a big hit. The town had had nothing like it. The kids in town had been stuck going to the mall, the park where the swimming pool was located, and the movie theater. Now they had a place for themselves, a safe place to hang out and talk, use the gym, enjoy the snack bar, but mostly just to be themselves with their peers.
Before the end of the summer, most every kid in town from the ages of ten to twenty had visited. Some became regulars.
People going into the LGBT room were few and far between at first even though the room was set up comfortably with places to sit and talk, shelves filled with board games, and even a DVD player with selections to watch. Then, to get things rolling, Corbin had hired a coordinator who set up programs for the kids who were interested, had speakers in, and had roundtable discussions with the kids, covering topics the kids wanted to talk about. It was emphasized that these were for everyone, and attending didn’t mean you were gay, just that you were a person who liked the idea that all teens should have a fair chance at happiness, whoever or whatever they were.
There were other activities that weren’t specifically for LGBT kids. Corbin started an elementary painting class, introducing anyone interested in pastels, oils, watercolors and acrylics. A free class for guitar enthusiasts was introduced. One of the best attended groups was one dedicated to video games, where shortcuts, playing methods and styles, and insights into the most popular games were discussed .
Kids who were gay, questioning, or simply interested began meeting each other in the LBGT lounge. One of the first people to attend some of the meetings was Dill with his frequent sidekick, Kirk, in tow. Slowly, the room became more popular. No one was asked if they were gay. Some volunteered the information. The room became a haven, a place where everyone was made to feel safe. There was no bullying in the room; instead, there was support. The activities that the coordinator started were well-attended.
Josh and Jack never entered the LGBT room—Josh’s decision. He looked out for Jack as much as Jack looked out for him. Jack had a longing for being able to be open about who he was. He wanted more than anything to proclaim to the world—the world to him being Terrytown—that he and Josh were together and would be forever. Not being able to do that became more intolerable to him as every day passed.