Chad was making things up about me running around school naked as we walked home that day. That, combined with what I had to talk to him about, was getting me horny. I wasn’t getting horny thinking about being naked with him in my room in a few minutes. I often wished I hadn’t started showering after gym, as that’s when the naked homework had stopped. What had I been thinking?!
He stopped trying to tease me, after a bit, because I was worrying about what I was going to say to him when we got home. I wasn’t even laughing with him as he was making up stuff about a bunch of girls seeing me naked in the courtyard, imagining I was dropping clothes all over trying to use my hands to cover up things, while they were picking up the clothes and playing keep away. I was jumping for my underpants as they were being tossed back and forth and forgetting to keep one hand where it belonged and things, or thing, were, or was, bouncing and they . . . well, you get the idea. He probably should think about being a writer with an imagination like that. But I wasn’t laughing, so pretty quickly he quieted down, too.
After a while, his quietness struck a note with me, and I glanced over at him. He was looking straight ahead, and for once, wasn’t smiling.
So I just kept surreptitiously watching him as we walked, and decided he was worrying about something. I could see it in him, and it stood out because he almost never worried about anything. Finally, I asked him.
“Hey, what’s going on? You’re never this quiet.”
“I’ve got something on my mind.”
“What?”
He looked at me then, and I could read indecision on his face. We walked on a bit before he answered. He was fidgety.
“What did you want to talk to me about?” he asked me at last.
“Uh, I think we should be in my room, first. I think we need to be sitting down and comfortable.”
“Oh.” He thought for a moment, then said, “Well, since I have something to tell you, uh, talk to you about, too, why don’t we wait till we’re in your room for that, also?”
I smiled at him then, and slowly, his own smile came back. Whatever the things we both were worrying about were, we would worry them out together.
-- -- --
He sat on my bed where he always did, up against the headboard, his shoes casually dumped on the floor. He always looked like he owned the bed when he did that, and I loved seeing him there. I always had to keep myself from jumping on top of him. I sat on the bed, too, with my legs crossed and my knees sticking up, supporting my elbows.
“You go first,” he said.
Okay. I might as well get it over with, I thought. It wouldn’t get easier waiting.
“Well, it’s, uh, you see, but . . .”
“Oh, I see,” he said, grinning again.
“Shut up! I just don’t quite know how to start. I’ll just do it. Brittany wants me to ask her out on a date, and on the date she wants to do something she saw a show about on TV; she wants to suck my dick.”
He sat up straighter then. “She said that?”
“Yeah.” I should have been grinning, but I wasn’t. I was mixed up. I sort of wanted to have her do that, but I’d rather have a boy do it. The boy I was sitting with, actually. But I knew he wouldn’t, and she would, and doing it with her was tempting, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, if he had any to hurt about me getting a blowjob from her, which he probably didn’t but I wasn’t sure. Not sure sure. And, also, there was a little bit of me that was thinking I shouldn’t be getting blowjobs, even if she called them head, from a girl I wasn’t really crazy over. It seemed to me I’d be using her, and I didn’t want to do that. Even if it would feel really good when she did it. It was the feeling really good part, and the her being a girl part, a girl that I wasn’t anywhere close to being in love with, that had me going nuts.
So I was sort of confused. Again. I was hoping talking to Chad about it might clear up a bunch of stuff. It was just hard to get started, was all.
Chad was just sitting there, and I couldn’t read his expression at all. He was staring at me, making me uncomfortable. “She wants to blow you?” He couldn’t seem to believe it.
“She calls it giving head. Or head. But yeah, that’s what she wants to do.”
He looked away from me, and didn’t respond. Then, after a minute or so, he sat up straighter. Whatever he was thinking about, he seemed to have come to grips with it. “And for some unexplained and wholly illogical reason, you haven’t said yes yet?” He sounded incredulous, and his sarcasm was funny. He clearly thought I’d maybe gone Looney Tunes on him. Well, ‘clearly’ might not be the right term, because what I saw on his face and in his eyes didn’t really match the tone of voice he was using.
But I had to respond to what he was saying, not whatever it was I was reading in his face. “Chad! Listen to me for a minute. I don’t really like her. Not like like her. So I’m not sure it’s fair, or very nice, for me to let her do it. I don’t know, it sort of feels like if someone’s going to do that, and it’s going to be my first time ever, that I really ought to like the person. A whole lot.”
His reservations, if that’s what they were, seemed to have passed as I’d been talking, telling him about my reservations. “Screw that! I thought you said she’d seen a TV show or something. And that this was her idea. That she wanted to do it.”
“Well, yeah.”
“So you wouldn’t be using her. Wouldn’t you like to have a blowjob?”
“Well, sure. But—”
“There you go, then. Go for it.”
“You think I should?”
“Damn right. We’re supposed to be doing this stuff at our age. We’re supposed to be learning. That’s why we have sex ed. The adults know we need to know this stuff, and so they give us sex ed to get us all excited so we’ll go out and experiment. You’ve heard them talking about experimenting in sex ed, haven’t you?”
“Yeah.” I certainly hadn’t put that interpretation on it, however!
“Well then. See? We’re supposed to do this! So, let her.”
Now that he’d explained it to me, I could see his point. I guess I’d been dithering about nothing at all.
“Uh, thanks, Chad.” I wasn’t as enthusiastic as I might have been. I really would have liked him to be upset by this, for him to tell me that he didn’t want me to do it! But that was just wishful thinking, I guessed.
I sort of grinned, and he sort of grinned back. I still wasn’t sure what the look in his eyes meant, but wasn’t going to worry about it, too much. At that point, he leaned forward and hugged me. Still squeezing me, he said in my ear, “A blowjob. Wow!”
“Head,” I corrected him, and laughed.
“So what’s your problem?” I asked when he’d let go and settled back against the headboard again and in the process had lost his grin.
“No problem, really, just I’m a little embarrassed, is all.”
I said, “Can’t be more embarrassing than talking about blowjobs.”
“Hey, that’s not embarrassing. That’s hot! Anyway, I might as well just tell you. You know Allison Carter, don’t you?”
“Sure. That really pretty girl, dresses nice, long dark blonde hair, wears lipstick I think. Wears sweaters all the time and looks soft. Popular.”
“Yeah, that’s her. She asked me out.”
I tried to keep my face perfectly still. I felt like a semi had just run over me. It’s hard to be totally crushed and not show it.
I had to be really careful to keep my voice as upbeat as his had been. “And that’s a problem somehow?”
“Well, no, of course not. It’s just that . . .”
“What?”
“Well, I’ve never been on a date. I don’t know how to do anything.”
I could hardly believe it! Chad was very popular at school and was fantastic looking. I’d thought he’d been dating a lot. Both boys and girls were his friends, and a lot of girls sort of hung out with him with in the school courtyard. Never been on a date? Seemed impossible. I guess I just let his popularity make me think things that weren’t true.
But me trying to advise him in something like this seemed ridiculous. Then I remembered his advice to me about Brittany.
“Chad! You’re the one who told me how to feel up Brittany and get her off! It was brilliant! I did just what you said, especially the being real soft and gentle stuff, and she never bothered me during the movie after that! She got all loosey-goosey and relaxed. It was weird. It was perfect! How can you say you don’t know what to do?”
“I read all that in a book.” He was looking down at the bed, and sounded, I don’t know, sort of as defeated as I was feeling.
“Well, cripes, why don’t you read another book, then? If they can tell you how to do what I did to Brittany, they can certainly also tell you how to hold hands, and kiss, and with Allison, on a first date, you’re certainly not going to be doing much more than that, are you?”
“Yeah, but reading about it is one thing, actually doing it and not fumbling around, not acting like I’ve never been there before, that’s different!”
He was sounding sort of desperate. I didn’t understand why he was so bothered by this until I remembered what I was feeling before my first date with Brittany. Then I understood. But, I was getting madder and madder, thinking of Chad with Allison, and probably sounding like it. What the hell did he want to go out with Allison for, anyway? Well, I guess I knew why, but I didn’t have to be happy about it. And also, come to think of it, why was he wanting me to get head from Brittany?
Because I was reacting as I was, thinking about all this, it probably could be heard in my voice when I said, “You think I know how to act, getting a blowjob? What, you think this is going to be easy for me? Get a grip here. It’s just a date. You’re not going to be doing much. Just relax and enjoy yourself.”
“But I’ve never kissed anyone, and she’ll want me to do that.”
“It’s easy. You just put your lips together.”
“Show me.”
Whoa!
“I want to do it right, and not act like a dork. You’ve already done it. Show me how. Just once.”
“You want me to kiss you?”
“Yeah, but you got to pretend you’re the girl.”
“NO WAY! Look, just do it. You’ve kissed your parents all your life. Just like that. No problem. In fact, it’ll be fun to learn with her. Kiss her, then laugh and just tell her you haven’t done this much, and want to learn how with her. Girls love self-confidence, but they also love vulnerability.”
“How do you know that?”
“BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME SO! THAT’S HOW YOU SAID TO ACT WITH BRITTANY!”
“Oh. Yeah.”
This was killing me. I wanted to kiss him. So bad! I’d been wanting to kiss him. Now he was offering. So why not take advantage of it? Because I didn’t think I could do it just once. I’d kiss him, and then kiss him longer, and hold him, and if I didn’t pass out just from the kissing, I’d get hard, and wouldn’t want to stop, and he’d have learned the one thing I couldn’t ever let him know.
He didn’t say anything for a while, just thinking about kissing her and all, I imagined. But then he looked up at me, and I could see he’d had an idea. He didn’t say anything, however. He merely kept staring at me.
“What?”
“I was thinking.”
“And?”
He hesitated, then said, “Well, what if we doubled?”
“Doubled. You want to get in on my blowjob date?”
“Head,” he said, and then started laughing so hard he was rolling on the bed.
-- -- --
So we went on a double date.
I couldn’t deny anything to Chad that he really wanted, other than kissing him pretending I was a girl, and he was really nervous about going out with Allison, which I didn’t get at all, but kind of did. If I were into girls, Allison was like the perfect one. She was smart and beautiful and nice. What more could you want? I hated her, of course, because she wanted Chad. You could see it when she looked at him.
Chad had convinced me we had to go together, that he just couldn’t go out with her alone, it was his first date and he needed me along for courage. He’d argued and pleaded and finally I’d said yeah, but had no idea how I was supposed to get a blowjob with him tagging along.
We all went to a movie. It was an early movie and then we went for hamburgers and the plan was we’d spend the rest of the evening at Brittany’s house watching TV. My dad had agreed to pick Chad and Allison and me up at 11. He’d drive us all home.
The only thing was, when we got to Brittany’s house, no one was home.
She giggled. “Oh, did I forget to tell you? My parents are away this weekend. We have the house to ourselves. Isn’t that cool?”
Well, I guess I thought so, although I was still a little uneasy about getting a blowjob, if that was still possible. Ambivalent, that’s the word. Ambivalent. So I’m not sure what my face looked like when she told us that. Chad looked really strange, and Allison blushed.
We went in, and Brittany told Chad and Allison to sit on the couch and turned on the TV, then handed the remote to Chad. I sat down in a chair, but she asked me to help her get drinks for everyone. I got back up and went into the kitchen with her.
“We’ll give them drinks, then go into my bedroom,” she informed me. As she was using her normal voice, I thought the neighbors now were aware we were up to something. Chad, of course, already knew the plan. I guessed Allison did now, too.
I gulped and helped her carry four cans of pop and glasses into the living room. She set two of each on the coffee table. I went to sit down again, but she stopped me. By grabbing my arm.
“I’m going to show Marc my room. We’ll be back in a while. Have fun. You won’t be disturbed. I’ll cough before we come back in.” She grinned at them. Allison blushed again, and Chad looked, well strange, or maybe nervous. Probably thinking about what he was going to do with Allison. I looked away. And wished Allison was going into the bedroom and I was staying on the couch with Chad. He looked so uncertain that I winked at him as I left to try to give him courage. Even while I was hoping he didn’t get up the nerve to do anything.
I was led into her room. She swung the door closed, but it didn’t latch. I was going to push it all the way, but never had the chance. She pulled me to the bed, and then started kissing me.
She had soft lips, and I don’t know why, but in the theater, and now here on her bed, kissing, especially kissing with tongues involved, seemed to give me a hard on. I mean, it just did, and there wasn’t much I could do about it. She kissed me, and used some tongue, and started rubbing her hands up and down my back, and I was instantly hard, and I was surprised to find I getting randy.
She stopped and started stripping. Now maybe that isn’t what girls do. Maybe they seductively undress, or something, but man, she was stripping. Getting naked as quickly as she could. No modesty or bashfulness or any other sign of restraint. She was about there when she noticed I was still just sitting there, watching, my eyes about as far open as they could be.
“Come on, Marc! Take off your clothes! This is going to be sooo good!”
I was still pulling my shirt out of my pants when she was stark naked. She was heavy, still, and I could see it her a lot better now when she wasn’t clothed. She had hair down below. A whole lot more than I did. I wasn’t bare there any longer, but close. Her breasts were larger than I thought they were supposed to be at 13. Not like Allison. Allison was thin, and there was just a hint that she had anything going on on her chest. Brittany’s weren’t hinting at anything other than possibly she was planning at some point to be suckling triplets.
She was disgusted at me, and started helping me. Very quickly, I was naked too. What a mixture of emotions that was. Naked for the first time with a girl who was also naked and looking me over.
She pushed me back on the bed and started kissing me, but her hands were all over. Especially all over my, uh, cock. It felt good, of course, but I was wondering if maybe she should talk to Chad. She could have used that lesson he’d given me on gentleness.
I didn’t have to worry because she wasn’t rubbing and stroking and handling me very long. Pretty fast, she was sliding down my body. She stopped when she got where she was going.
She looked it over. Quizzically, like she wanted to study it so as to be ready if she was ever asked in a police lineup, “Can you identify any of the dicks you see in front of you?” She’d have been able to.
Then she reached out and felt it again. She slid the skin up and down a little. Felt my balls.
Then, without saying a word, she put her mouth over it.
“AAAHHH,” I moaned. Okay, that sounds trite, but I hadn’t really known what to expect, or when to expect it, and then, there it was. And I’d never felt anything like it, couldn’t have imagined it, and so, I groaned.
She stopped, looked up at me and grinned. “Like that?”
“Uh, yeah, Brittany, that was nice.” I sounded a little hoarse.
“Good.” And she went back to work. Enthusiastically.
I was doing some groaning. I couldn’t help it. First time, enthusiastic partner, I was groaning.
She started slurping. As loud as she talked, I think she gave blowjobs even louder. Suddenly, I realized all the moaning wasn’t coming from me. She was moaning too. And slurping. Noisily.
She stopped. You’re not supposed to stop, I don’t think, if you’re giving a blowjob. I mean, I’m no expert here, this was my first one and all, but I wasn’t expecting her to stop, not when she did, which was a very bad time for her to do that, as things were beginning to happen. But she did. She stopped and looked up at me. “Can you do it?”
I wasn’t too sure I could talk coherently at that point, but I tried. “Huh?” It was a little like a squeak. I didn’t want to be holding a conversation here. My only concern right then was getting her to start again.
“Can you do it? Make sperms? Ejaculate?”
“Oh. Sure.” Well, I’d been doing that for about six weeks. I didn’t see any need to inform her of that.
“Good,” she said, and went back to work. With possibly even more vigor.
I was certainly enjoying the feeling. I was also a little concerned because the door wasn’t entirely shut. In fact, when I’d glanced in that direction, I’d seen it had swung just a little farther open than it had been before. I was thinking, they might be able to hear us in the living room.
She kept sucking and slurping and moaning and grunting. I guess her position, on her hands and knees crouching over me, restricted her breathing somewhat because she was throwing in some grunts now. Enthusiastic grunts. But I stopped paying any attention to any of that stuff, because what she was doing was working and these random thoughts I was having weren’t helping.
I was going to come. I could feel it. And I was finally into this enough so I had no more regrets. Maybe I would in five minutes, I mean this really wasn’t the most romantic thing I’d ever done, it was probably more like what a cow felt like when they attached the mechanical milking cups and pumped her dry, but I wasn’t worrying about that now. I was thinking how nice this all felt. I’m afraid my moaning had now gotten louder, and more constant.
And then I was there, gripping the sheets, going rigid, and making this awful, loud sort of gargling sound, the one I made at moments like these, although I think it was louder this time, and I came. She didn’t stop at all. She did moan louder herself, but she didn’t stop.
I had to grab her head and shout her name, finally, because I think she had another hour or so in her, but I got her to stop.
We lay on the bed, side by side. She started talking right away, in that voice of hers, about how much fun that had been, and did I like it, and did I like the taste as much as she did, and what she’d do differently next time with her tongue, and asked me to tell her about what it felt like, but I was speechless, and very aware of the open door. So, it was partly that, but mostly I was speechless because there didn’t seem to be any energy left in me, or air. Really. Like on the mat with Marv. I couldn’t say a word.
Eventually, she took my hand. And put it where you might imagine. She wanted a repeat of the theater. I was feeling kindly to her. I obliged. Sound effects and all.
-- -- --
When we finally walked out—well, Brittany strutted out proudly. I sort of slunk into the living room not meeting anyone’s eyes, feeling embarrassed and a little dirty and somehow like I might have made a mistake—Chad and Allison were still sitting on the couch, one on one end, the other on the other. Allison wouldn’t look at either of us. Chad gave me a very peculiar look, like he was studying me. I didn’t look back. But rather quickly, I saw his body relax. Whatever it was, it was gone and he was back to his usual self.
“Can you call your father now, Marc?” Allison’s voice was soft but forced. She sounded a little desperate, too.
“We still have over an hour, don’t we,” answered Brittany. “It’s only 9:30. I wanted to sit and cuddle with Marc for awhile yet.”
Allison turned to look at Chad. “Please?” she said.
My father picked the three of us up and drove her home. Allison didn’t really sit very close to Chad in the back seat. When we got to her house, she jumped out on her side. Chad got out on his, and then had to run to get beside her before she reached the front door, she was walking so fast.
The thing was, all that discussion and everything about kissing hadn’t been necessary. When she got to her house, Allison walked straight into the house without even turning around to say goodnight to Chad.
Dad brought Chad back to our house with me. It had been arranged he’d be staying the night. I think he was happy about that, because he still looked like he was wanting to talk. I didn’t know what it was he wanted to say, but I was a little worried he was going to laugh at me, or maybe tease me. I was hoping he wouldn’t do either because I was feeling some of the confusion I was used to feeling. I’d read about something the books called ‘afterglow’ and thought I was feeling some of that. I was kind of relaxed and had a sense of satisfaction, maybe even happiness, and somehow felt a little older than I had before the date. But, that was also mixed with some regret. I didn’t know where that was coming from, but it was certainly there. It was as though I’d lost something, but had no idea what. I hadn’t lost my perpetual confusion, that was for sure.