We’d mastered Albania through the Czech Republic. We now knew Azerbaijan had a population of ten million, three million more than Bulgaria. And that the capital of Cypress was Nicosia, and Belarus was Minsk. I personally was glad our capital city was Washington, D.C., which had an altogether more elegant and substantial sound than Minsk, which made me think of dead fish.
We’d also got a good start on Estonia through Kosovo. I was enjoying the assignment, mostly because it meant daily association with Tanner. I’d heard other groups weren’t getting on so famously. And that a few of the boy/girl pairings were resulting in relationships. I wondered how the parents felt about that.
My parents were delighted with Tanner. I was besotted. He didn’t seem to notice any of that. He was just Tanner.
His stepmother was something else. My mom had called her when she heard from me that his stepmom didn’t like him spending so much time at our house. She tried to be friendly. She even invited all three of them to come for dinner. But she said Tanner’s stepmom was icy on the phone and asked that Tanner’s visits be less frequent and shorter. Mom said she was surprised, that most people she spoke to were friendly, and she wasn’t accustomed to dealing with someone who wasn’t. They never did come to dinner.
Once when I was talking to Tanner, he asked me what it felt like when my friends had deserted me, isolated me. We never talked about my being gay much at all. I was surprised he’d brought it up, but he wasn’t as extroverted as guys at school thought. He acted that way with them, but he was much quieter, more introspective, with me. It wasn’t surprising he wondered about my experiences, but a little strange he’d ask; he had his own areas of personal privacy and had always respected mine as well.
“Why are you asking that?” I said, my tone not nearly as calm as his had been. But I did want it to be easy for him to shrug it off, or maybe make a joke or tease out of it.
“I want to know is all. I told you once you’re stronger than you look. And that was before you started lifting.”
So, his sense of humor was intact, dry as it often was. I certainly wasn’t that much stronger yet.
He was looking at me, and I could see he wanted an answer.
“First, I was surprised. Then hurt. Then mad. But I knew I had to learn to live with the rejection I was getting, and maybe it was good I was learning at this age. I still had my parents behind me, and they were super supportive. So I started to pull into myself and found it wasn’t as hard as I’d thought. I’d always been a little different, and I don’t mean being gay. Different in the same respect you are, actually. You and I share lots of things. We love to read, and we read books above our age level. We both like to think stuff through, figure things out. We both want good grades. Neither of us minds being quiet in a crowd. I’ve seen what you’ve seen: most boys our age aren’t like we are.”
I stopped, thinking that was enough, but he wanted more. I could tell just by his eyes.
“The part I hated most was the physical stuff. No one had ever pushed me before or bumped me or threatened me, or made comments about me. Just being left alone wasn’t that awful. Being made a pariah, being singled out that way, and the physical parts, yeah, that was bad.
“But it wasn’t always as bad as it could have been. I remember once, I could see these three guys coming toward me as I was going into the boys’ room. Doing that was always a bit scary because I never knew what might happen. So, I was opening the door and saw these guys coming down the hallway, and they sped up when they saw me and saw where I was. It was too late for me to not go through the door; they were too close. So I stepped in, ran to a stall, closed and locked the door behind me and then just closed my eyes. Anything could happen. And you know what? Nothing did. I didn’t even hear them come in. Scared silly—and then nothing. So, as I said, things weren’t always as bad as they could have been.”
I found my heart racing, just remembering, reliving the incident. I looked up at Tanner, expecting to see sympathy in his face. I didn’t. I didn’t because he wasn’t looking at me any longer. He was partly turned away, looking toward the window in my room, not looking at me at all.
And that was entirely unlike him. We’d taken to not being embarrassed with each other. No need to be defensive about anything. True friends. And he wasn’t acting like that now! He should be commiserating with me, or, if he thought I’d not handled the situation correctly, telling me his slant on it but not criticizing me while doing so. That’s how we were with each other. And it wasn’t how he was being now.
I called him on it. That was who I was. That was how I behaved. I asked him what was going on.
I waited a full minute. He never turned around.
“Tanner? Again, what’s going on?” I put a little bit of heat in my voice.
“I’d rather not say.” Still looking at the window.
“Why not? This isn’t like you. Well, I guess I can call your stepmom and say you’re acting weird and ask her what to do.”
That got a reaction, as I’d known it would. He turned to face me.
“You wouldn’t!” he said. He looked, well, I don’t know how to describe it. I saw several emotions pass through his eyes and across his face. Guilt was the last one he wore.
“You know I don’t like to talk about myself.”
I did know that. But I didn’t know how that applied here. However, I knew how to find out. “Tell me,” I said.
He grimaced and said, “I used to watch you. You’re going to get the wrong idea about that. But I used to watch you. I saw what you were just talking about. I saw it happening. I don’t like those guys any more than you do. So, I stepped in. They never entered the bathroom because I made it clear to them they’d regret it for a long, long time if they did or if I ever heard of them hassling you in the future.”
“You never said!”
“No reason to.”
“But… but… I stopped, not sure what to say next.
He finished the conversation for good then with just six words, words he’d spoken before, but this time they spoke volumes. “I don’t like talking about myself.”
≈ ≈ ≈
We worked more silently the rest of that day. We discovered Montenegro is a small country consisting of mostly rugged mountains, its capital is Podgorica—I liked rolling that around on my tongue—and that city houses about a third of the country’s inhabitants, which numbered slightly over 600,000.
And that Moldova, about three times the size of Montenegro and with a population about four times larger, is a much poorer country. Its capital and largest city is Chișinău—which I won’t try to pronounce as I never did learn what those funny marks meant. Frankly, I’d never heard of Moldova. Sounded to me like a place Disney would invent as a home base for a princess who had to marry within a week or turn into a warty wildebeest. Tanner hadn’t heard of it, either.
So, we worked hard, and as my parents were out entertaining clients for dinner, had the house to ourselves.
Tanner got up from the computer, stretched, and said, “This gets boring. Let’s swim.”
I never refused him that. “Great,” I laughed. “I was getting as bored as you were. Mom washed our suits and put yours back in the pool house. I think she put mine in my drawer here. Meet you out there.”
“Uh… he started, then stopped.
“What?”
“Well, we are alone.”
“Yeah? And?”
“You said you sometimes swim naked. Seems we could do that now if you wanted to.”
“Really?! I’d love to. I have to warn you, though. I’ll almost certainly get hard. If that won’t bother you, sure, let’s do it. Just remember, I’m just starting puberty. Much later than when you did. I shower after gym, but everyone there was cautioned that any remarks about anyone would result in very harsh punishments. And there are several boys besides me who’ve hardly begun; I’m not unique. But, anyway, I’ve been showering; everyone’s seen me, and I’ve seen all of them. What I’m saying is, I’m kind of used to it now. Just don’t expect much, okay? So, yeah, let’s do it.”
And we did. I was embarrassed but half hard already just at the prospect of seeing him naked, and when I did, yeah, halfway no more. But I jumped in quickly. He didn’t say a word. He’d certainly seen, but that was that.
The good part was, I’d seen him, too. He was as perfect naked as he was clothed. Maybe more so. Those ancient Greeks had sculpted more guys naked than clothed. They understood how magnificent a guy could be naked, the sheer beauty of him. And to a man, they’d have fought for the chance to do Tanner. Uh, I mean, to sculpt him.
It was night and dark, and the pool always felt more erotic at night. Somehow, the water felt velvety. Maybe that was just me and my age, but slipping into the dark waters at night, being enveloped by them, I almost always became aroused. What I was hoping was he’d be affected the same way.
He oohed and aahed after getting in and swimming a lap. Swimming with his now much-improved form. I was proud of the work he’d put in and how good he looked moving through the water now. When he stopped, he gave me the greatest smile ever.
“We should have done this before! This is so much better than wearing a suit. I’m surprised you ever wear one!”
“I don’t much. Only with other people. I love the feel of this, too. Uh, do you feel how sexy it is? You saw me hard, so I don’t need to be embarrassed. Swimming at night naked always gets me hard. I was just wondering if you felt the same thing.”
He laughed. “Are you asking me if I’m hard?”
I nodded and couldn’t stop my smile from blooming. “Yeah, I am!”
He didn’t answer. He just grinned at me and kicked off to swim a couple more laps.