We three were outside on the patio. The night was soft and warm. June can be a peculiar month in Southern California. While it’s typically beautiful in the rest of the country, the first really friendly month after a long winter and what can frequently be a rainy and cold spring, it’s often more like a whiny brat here. It tends to be overcast and even chilly during the days, often with fog in the morning, and it get’s colder at night. But this year, we’d had a warm, sunny June. That could foretell a hot July, but then again, maybe not. You could never be sure.
I was excited. Timothy had more or less let us talk him into this. But he was excited, too. It was easy to see. Kevin was Kevin. He was always upbeat and usually excited about something.
We stood looking out at the water. There wasn’t much of a moon, and I’d turned off the patio lights and kitchen lights, and, after coming outside, the lights that were underwater in the pool. It was pretty dark, and we’d had to let our eyes get accustomed to it before we could see much of anything. Now, however, we could see the water in the pool, looking black and foreboding except for when the small movements of the water caught a stray gleam of light from somewhere and flashed at us, dimly and ephemerally.
“What are we waiting for?” asked an impatient Kevin.
“Feeling the moment,” I said.
“I can think of other things I’d like to be feeling,” he snorted, and I looked at him in alarm. He’d said a couple of suggestive things tonight. Timothy hadn’t reacted at all, but he had to have heard them. What was Kevin playing at? He knew I didn’t want anyone even having a hint he was gay and that I was, well, whatever I was.
I glanced quickly at Timothy, but he seemed transfixed by the water and maybe the thought that soon he’d be outside the house with a couple of other kids and we’d all be naked.
Kevin pulled his shirt up over his head. It was really too dark to see much of his naked torso, and I’d seen it many times before in the gym, but I still looked. I couldn’t help it.
“Come on, let’s go.” He began tugging at the belt on his shorts.
At that Timothy looked away from the pool and over at Kevin, then quickly looked away. I stepped over next to him, standing so he could only see me, blocking his view of Kevin. “Do you want to do this?” I asked him.
He didn’t reply, but then he must have come to a decision because he nodded and began taking his shirt off. I did the same. Very quickly, we were three naked boys standing on my back patio. I looked at both of them, and they looked, too. It was too dark to see much of anything, but we were boys, and boys look. Then Kevin took off running, and leaped into the pool. I grinned at Timothy and followed Kevin into the water. He did the same.
When we all had our heads above water and were dogpaddling, Kevin let out a whoop, but it was a controlled one, not very loud. He had a huge grin on his face. I did, too. The water was warm and velvety and somehow felt different in the dark. I’d been swimming in the pool naked once or twice when my parents were gone, but I’d never made a habit of it. And anyway, it felt a lot different, being in it with two other kids I knew were as naked as I was.
We swam and horsed around for probably fifteen minutes. Then, Kevin swam to the edge, pulled himself up, and sat there, dangling his legs in the water. He’d chosen to sit on the side where what moon there was was shining directly at him, and sitting like he was, he was on display.
I thought to myself, what the hell is he doing? I swam over and joined him, pulling myself up so I was sitting next to him. He looked down at me, and then started plumping up. Timothy was still in the middle of the pool, too far away to see much of anything in the dim light.
I said very softly but very adamantly in Kevin’s ear, “I don’t want Timothy to know about us. What are you doing?”
He just grinned, and didn’t reply.
“Kevin, what’s going on? You’re up to something. And it’s not good. You’re either trying to seduce him, or you’re hoping I’ll get jealous. This isn’t fair to him or me. I told you you were too young for me. I’ve been wondering if I was wrong about that, then you go pull this shit. You’re acting your age right now.”
Then I reached behind him, grabbed him, and threw myself back into the water, taking him in with me.
He came up out of the water grinning a little, but looking a little concerned, too. I said, “I mean it,” and glowered at him, meaning every word I’d said. I think he heard something in my voice, because the grin went away and he said, just as Timothy was swimming up, “Okay, I’m sorry.”
We swam some more. We also just floated a bit, looking up at the stars. There was a different mood to being in the pool at night. Eventually, after everyone had been quiet for a while, I asked, “You guys about ready to get out?”
“I think so, if you are,” Timothy said.
“Sure,” agreed Kevin.
We swam to the steps, then all climbed out. I hurried into the pool house and grabbed three towels, then came back and handed them out, and we all dried off. We all looked at each other while we did it, standing there naked in the night. I didn’t know what they were feeling, but I was feeling the sexiness of the situation. I imagined they were feeling the same thing.
I turned and walked back onto the patio and sank down in one of the chairs there. I casually dropped my towel so it landed in my lap. The other two watched, and then they did the same thing. I asked them if they wanted something to drink and they both said a Dr Pepper would be good. I stood up, wrapped my towel around my waist, then went inside and grabbed three cans. When I returned, I took off the towel, handed a can to each of them, then sat down, not bothering to cover myself with the towel this time. It was still dark, and there wasn’t that much to see anyway. I felt really strange and exhilarated, and more than a little daring, sitting there like that.
Kevin saw what I’d done. And, in less than a minute, he found a reason to get up. He said he wanted another towel to dry his hair with. He went and got one, not bothering to wrap his towel around himself first, then sat down, and did so the same way I had.
We spent over an hour there, just talking, two of us completely naked but in the deep shadows under the patio roof. I hardened once, for a bit, just feeling the excitement of the situation, but most of the time I wasn’t aroused at all. I was just really comfortable and pleased to be me, doing what we were doing.
Kevin was surprisingly low key. I’d been afraid he’d be so excited that he’d be unable to control himself, but he wasn’t that way at all. Maybe my words to him in the pool had made a difference. Whatever it was, he was just calm and even-keeled, as much as Kevin could be. When he was like this, his intelligence was always on display. It was times like this that I was proudest of him and loved him totally.
Timothy actually talked a little. At one point, he very cautiously took his towel out of his lap and set it next to him on the floor. I guessed he’d been watching us, and he’d been tempted past his limits. So, he joined us in our depravity. Depravity. Yeah, right.
When we decided it was time to get up, to go up to my room, we all needed to put our towels back on. We stood up and no one seemed in a particular hurry to be the first to wrap his around himself. We grinned at each other, standing there, waiting to be last. It almost was like we had a tacit dare going, and no one wanted to be the first to cover himself. Finally, I grinned at them and, while still putting my towel on, quickly switched on the patio lights. They were both covered before I could turn around again. We all laughed. Timothy looked like he was blushing a little.
We went up to my room. I grabbed a couple of new toothbrushes from the main upstairs bathroom and gave one to each of them. Then I said to Timothy, “Kevin was kidding about sleeping in the nude. We’re going to wear our underwear.” Then, turning to Kevin, I said, “All of us are.”
We all slept in my bed. There was room. I slept in the middle. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Kevin. It was just that, well, I guess I didn’t. I didn’t want him attacking Timothy in his sleep. I didn’t want him doing that to me, either, but at least I wouldn’t be weirded out by it. Timothy might not have been as fragile as I thought he was, but he might have been, too. And he was my guest.
At breakfast the next morning, my parents were happy and sociable and we were tired and grumpy. No young teen should ever have to get out of bed before noon on a weekend, and they’d rousted us at the ungodly hour of 10:30.
After eating, Timothy said he had to go. Then he looked at me, and I could read he wanted to say something. So I said I’d walk him to the door. He asked if Kevin could come, too.
We stood outside on the front stoop. Timothy said, “Last night was special for me. You two are both special. I’ve had some bad times, and some bad thoughts this year, but you two have really helped me. I’m going to be gone for the rest of the summer, but I hope I can eat lunch with you guys next year. I’d like it if we could even be better friends.” He hesitated a moment, and I thought he wanted to say more. He did, then, but it was only, “And thanks, thanks a whole lot, for yesterday.”
He looked at both of us when he was finished, and I saw moisture in his eyes. I realized what he’d said was really important to him. I stepped over to him and put my arm around him. I was surprised when Kevin did the same thing on the other side. Kevin spoke before I did.
“Tim, you are our friend, and of course you’ll eat with us next year. Maybe we can even hang more than we did this year. We’ll see you in September. Have a great summer. You can tell us all about it at school in the fall.” Then he squeezed him with his arm and held it for a few seconds. During this time, Timothy had swiveled his head and was looking into Kevin’s eyes from close range. I couldn’t tell what expression he had on his face, I couldn’t see it, but imagined it was like the looks I’d seen him give Kevin at the lunch table.
I squeezed Timothy from the other side, then, and reinforced Kevin’s comments. Timothy gave me his wan smile, then turned and left.
We watched him. Then Kevin told me he had to go too. He didn’t squeeze me. All he did was give me his electric smile and expressive eyes. That was more than enough.
◊ ◊
I began my job on Monday. I had to be at the park at 8:30 to find out what the plan for the day was and to get things ready for the kids.
My boss, Mr. Graves—he told me to call him John—gave me a list of the boys who had signed up for the Parks Department program and were to be assigned to me. They were nine to eleven years old and there were 16 of them. I read through their names three or four times, hoping familiarity with them on paper would help me to remember who each boy was when I met all of them. John told me what activities he suggested for the day, where the equipment was located, gave me a key to the storage building door, and said if I wanted to do other stuff than what he suggested, that was fine, but the main thing was to be sure that all the boys were safe and happy, that that was my major responsibility for the summer. He said I should learn what the boys liked and what the individuals were capable of as quickly as possible, and told me that tailoring the daily activities to the preferences and abilities of the boys would make for a successful summer.
It was a confusing mob when we started. There were eight of us older teens doing what I was doing, and all the kids who’d signed up for the summer program were to be at the park at 9 that morning, so we had about 130 kids all arriving more or less together. John had the eight of us all stand a distance apart on the grass, all wearing stick-on paper tags with our names on them fastened to our shirts. There were three tables with an adult sitting at each with two large letters drawn on a piece of cardboard in front of each, one A-H, one I-P and one Q-Z. The kids were told to line up at the table that had the first initial of their last name on it. The adult working the table would get each kid’s name, check a computer sheet, sing him in, then tell the kid which of the eight counselors to go meet.
There was a lot of milling around, but it wasn’t long before I had 16 kids all around me. Which is when it really settled in that I was in charge of all these guys. What we did was up to me. I had to keep these guys busy and entertained and under control. I was glad I’d had some leadership training in band, working with the clarinet section. But still, it was a little scary, seeing all these eyes fastened on me, waiting for me to tell them what to do.
I got acquainted with them, got them all to tell me their names, then told them I wanted to try a little game, a game I told them was for them, but was really for me. I had them all introduce themselves to each other. Then I asked who now knew everyone’s name. A couple kids raised their hands. I asked one of them to tell us each kid’s name, and when he was done, had the other do the same thing. This really helped me get the names and kids all sorted out in my head. When the two boys had done it, I asked if others wanted to try, and by now, most of them could do it, and had fun proving it to all of us.
I had them all sit down on the grass, after we’d moved to a quieter place. I found a large tree we could sit under, because even before ten in the morning, it was already pretty warm. We sat down in a group, and I told them my name and that I’d be a senior in high school next year, and that I played the clarinet in the school band. I told them I’d never supervised a bunch of kids before, so I’d be learning how to do it as I was doing it, and if they saw I was making any mistakes, be sure to let me know. I told them we were here to have fun this summer, and we’d do that best if everyone was happy. To me, that meant nobody picking on anyone else, no remarks like telling someone he was dumb if he swung and missed if we were playing softball or he couldn’t run fast when we were playing soccer. We were supposed to have fun, and being called names or picked on wasn’t much fun.
Then I told them we’d be doing stuff like playing touch football, softball, soccer, capture the flag, dodgeball, and if they brought notes from home, swimming. I also said we didn’t have to follow that schedule at all, and if they wanted, we could do stuff that wasn’t so athletic, stuff like visiting an art museum in town, going to a movie, or maybe something they’d like to suggest. I told them I was open to most anything the group wanted to do, but I didn’t want anyone left out of anything, so everyone had to want to do whatever they came up with.
I told them I was looking forward to getting to know each of them as the summer went along, and they shouldn’t be at all intimidated or worried about talking to me, that maybe they could think of me as an older brother, but not one who’d tease them or be nasty to them, one that would be kind and helpful.
I asked them if they had any questions, or anything they wanted to talk about, and they did, so we spent some time doing that. I was happy to see that while we were sitting there in the grass, just talking, no one was harassing anyone else. Sometimes, with a group of boys, one or two can’t seem to control themselves and can’t keep their hand off the others. My group didn’t seem to have that type of individual in it.
We’d been assigned on the schedule I’d been given to play soccer. I told the kids that, and asked if that was okay with them. They all nodded and said yes, some more enthusiastically than others. I told them to remember, this was for fun, not really to see who could score the most goals, and they’d have a lot more fun if they did a lot of passing the ball and involving everyone rather than trying to be individual stars.
I had to go get a soccer ball from the equipment locker and told them to get better acquainted with each other while I was gone. I was back in five minutes, and took them to the field we’d been assigned. I divided them into two groups of eight, trying to match the sizes evenly. They picked their own goalies and started in. I sat on the sideline and watched.
It was easy to see right away who the aggressive kids were, who were the real athletes and which boys weren’t real competitive. Two of the 11-year-olds were both slightly bigger than the rest and certainly the most active. Luckily, just going by size, I’d put them on different teams. Early on in the game, they both took over for their teams, controlling the ball, going down the field by themselves, not really involving their teammates, moving all the way to the goal and scoring.
I let the game go for a while, then blew my whistle. Yes, I had a whistle! Made me feel pretty important, I can tell you. Anyway, I blew the whistle and the game stopped. Both teams had two goals. Both 11-year-olds had scored twice.
“Okay, guys,” I said when they’d all come over to see what I wanted. You remember what I said about playing as a team, about having fun. Jess, Cam, you guys are having fun, aren’t you?”
Both guys nodded vigorously, happy smiles on their faces. So I looked at the rest of the players and asked, “How ‘bout you guys. Are you having as much fun as Jess and Cam?”
The rest of the boys looked sort of blank. I laughed. “Okay. This is sort of what I thought would happen. It happened to me when I was your age. I wasn’t the best athlete, and I kind of got left behind when we’d do things like this. It was okay, I played, but I always wished I’d get to actually touch the ball now and then. I’d rarely get it, and when I did, I had to kick it away immediately or some other kid would come up and steal it from me. So I’ve been thinking about how to make this game more fun for everyone. Here’s what I’ve come up with. When we start up again, Jess and Cam are going to be goal keepers. And for the rest of you guys, we’re going to pretend the soccer ball is a hot potato. That means, you can’t kick it more than twice. If one of you kicks it three times in a row, I’ll blow the whistle and the other team gets a free kick on goal from the edge of the goalie box, then gets the ball at midfield when we start play again. This means, you have to pass the ball, or lose it and end up with a shot on your goal.
“I don’t know if this will work. I just thought of it. But let’s try it.”
They started up again, and suddenly, all the kids were involved. Suddenly, every kid was running around, trying to get open for passes, and the passes were coming. And as soon as the ball was passed, it got passed again. I watched, amazed at how different all the kids looked. They were all grinning and shouting and having a ball. Every one of them was playing hard. Even Jess and Cam were into it, cheering on their teams, yelling who was open for a pass, and stopping shots on goal, of which there were more than there’d been before.
Pretty soon I could see kids were getting winded, so I blew the whistle and called for a water break. They gathered around one of the drinking fountains, and when they’d drunk, slumped down on the grass in the shade again. I asked if they wanted to continue after a breather, and they all were enthusiastic about keeping going.
Cam came up to me where I was standing, apart from the boys. He was a skinny kid with long blond hair and a reddish complexion. “Mr. Tucker?” he said, wanting to talk to me.
I’d told the kids my name was Matt Tucker. I had assumed they’d call me Matt. I felt like one of them, just a larger version. His calling me that made me realize that they didn’t look at me that way; they thought of me as an adult.
“Hey, Cam. You were looking pretty good in goal. A couple of those saves were great.”
“Thanks, sir. Uh, do you think, uh, do I have to be a keeper all the time?”
It would have been so easy to just tell him sure, that’d be okay, but I didn’t. Instead, I looked at him, and then sort of frowned a little, like I was thinking hard. Then, when he began fidgeting a little, I asked him, “Cam, did you see how different the game was when you were in goal, and before that?”
“Yeah. I did. And I know what you’re saying. You asked us to pass, and I wasn’t doing that. And when you made that new rule, all the kids were passing and they were having more fun. If I can play forward, I’ll pass. I’m sorry about before. I guess I wasn’t really thinking. I just could see how I could take the ball and score, and thought we’d win that way.”
I smiled at him and put my hand on his shoulder. “I know winning is fun, but everyone participating is more important right now. We’re a group of summer kids playing together, and the sides will be different every time, and winning isn’t as important as playing, as having fun. And you saw that, and then you said what I wanted to hear. You can play forward when we start back up if you can find someone who wants to play goalie.”
“Thanks, Mr. Tucker. I’ll pass the ball this time. I saw what was happening, and it looked like it was a lot more fun than what I was doing. I’m going to try to set up Logan for a goal.”
Logan was nine and the smallest kid there. He’d been mixing it up with the other kids, he wasn’t shy, but being smaller made it difficult for him. I told Cam that would be really nice of him, then sent him back to join the others. I followed him a minute later.
“Guys, listen up. New rule. I’m not Mr. Tucker, and I’m certainly not Sir. I’m Matt. Now, everybody rested up?”
They played for another hour. Then it was time for lunch. I made sure everyone had one, then took them to the picnic area and told them they were on their own for an hour. There were a couple of adult counselors who watched the picnic area and all the kids while we teen counselors had free time for our lunch away from the little guys.
I joined a few of the other guys who were counselors, too. I didn’t know them and was trying to remember their names as they introduced themselves. We got acquainted as we ate lunch together. We talked about what we’d done that day. I didn’t talk too much. I generally don’t with people I don’t know well. I got the idea the other guys were being a lot more bossy with their kids than I was. I thought about that and decided working as section leader in the band had really helped show me better ways to work with people I was in charge of, and that that experience was really helping me now. I wasn’t a bit nervous, dealing with my guys, and I got the idea, listening to the others, that they were being bossy because they thought they needed tight control of their group. I didn’t have that worry. I thought my kids would listen to me for two simple reasons. One was, what I said made sense, and they could see that. The second was, they knew the adults had put me in charge, so they figured those guys must know what they’re doing, and I must be the right guy for this job, and so they respected me because of that. And they’d keep doing so until I showed them I couldn’t do it.
I was ready to gather them up from lunch when John came over to talk to the bunch of us counselors who were together.
“Hey guys, one thing I forgot to mention. When you’re dismissing them today, make sure they all have their rides. We don’t want anyone stranded. And secondly, ask them if anyone’s not coming tomorrow. It’ll help you plan your day tomorrow if you know how many kids you’ll have.”
That surprised me. I’d thought everyone would be here every day. I actually spoke up in front of everyone. “John, do a lot of kids not come every day?”
“Yeah, it’ll vary all over the map, Matt. Sometimes they have family things interfering, and sometimes they just don’t feel like getting out of bed and coming.”
As I walked back to my boys, I thought about that. And I decided I wanted them to come every day. All of them. Now, how could I get that to happen?
After lunch, my guys were scheduled to play softball. I considered that, and didn’t like the fact that the older kids might dominate. So I gathered them all around me and told them we could do either of two things. We could play softball, which was what was on our schedule, or we could play kickball instead.
The bigger kids were outvoted. The group played kickball. Again, I changed the rules a little. I decided that instead of a runner being out if a fielder could hit him with the ball while he was running to a base, the fielder would now have to bounce the ball into him. This seemed to me to take some of the risk out of anyone being hit too hard by a flying ball. I also told them that they had to play a new defensive position each inning, so everyone got a chance to play everywhere.
The kids were having a blast, and I sat in the bleachers and watched them, and while they played, I came up with a way to have pretty good attendance this summer.
They played, with a few water and rest breaks, for the rest of the afternoon till it was time to go home. I gathered them just before they went to find their rides.
“Guys, I’ve been thinking. I think you all had fun today. Did you?”
They all shouted yeah at me. I grinned. One successful day behind me.
“Okay, next, is anyone going to be absent tomorrow?”
No one spoke up. Good.
“All right, just one more thing and you can go. Tomorrow, after lunch, I’ve decided to give you a longer time to rest to digest those delicious lunches your moms are making you. So, tomorrow, and everyday thereafter, unless you don’t like it, I’m going to read to you. I have some great books in mind that you’ll all like. I’ll read a chapter a day. First chapter tomorrow. I’m sorry, but if you miss a day, you’ll miss a chapter, but I guess you can get someone to tell you what happened.
“We all get involved in deciding what we’re doing here. So let me tell you what books I’m thinking of, and you can vote tomorrow which one to hear first. I know you’ll like them all. The first is Holes, by Louis Sachar. It was made into a movie, and some of you have probably seen it. It’s about two boys who get sent to a sort of prison camp where they have to dig holes every day, and about their friendship that develops, and there’s a lot of other stuff going on. The next is Touching Spirit Bear, by Ben Mikaelsen, about a Native American teen who also gets in trouble with the law, but instead of going to jail, gets turned over to his tribe for justice. They send him off into isolation in the wild for a year. Another one is Hatchet, by Gary Paulson, about a teen who is in a small plane crash and must survive in the wilderness and the only thing he has is his hatchet. And last, I have Where the Red Fern Grows, by Wilson Rawls, about a teen who raises two hounds to be coon dogs.
“Okay, that’s it for today. You guys were really great. I got the best group of kids out here. You all get along, there was no fighting or arguing, and if that continues, it means you’ll all have lots of fun together all summer. We’re going to have a great, great summer. Okay guys. I’m going to say one, two, three, and then you guys all yell, ‘Yayyyyyy!’ Ready? One, two, three.”
They almost broke my eardrums.
I made sure they all had cars to get into. Each one turned to wave at me as they left. I liked that.