Moving in with Todd left Geoff wide–eyed.
He’d never even visited a house like Todd’s before, let alone lived in one. He had understood in a superficial sort of way that some people lived like this. He’d seen large and expensive houses before, driving past them riding in someone’s car, or on the school bus. He’d viewed them as something from another world that was no part of his.
Now he was living in one. He had his own room on the third floor, a room that had its own private bathroom. He was the only one living on this floor, so he had complete privacy. The room was large, had a queen–sized bed with a brand new mattress. There was a plush dark blue carpet on the floor over a thick padding, making entering into the room feel like he was walking on a cloud. The walls were painted a lighter, complimentary blue, and the bedspread was a quilt made from patches which picked up both blue shades. The curtains on the windows matched the rug. There was a large painting on the wall, a forest scene that he could spend minutes at a time looking at as it stirred his imagination.
He was pretty sure he didn’t belong in such a place.
He’d always been like everyone else in his house, messy to the point of being squalid. Somehow, it seemed sacrilegious to even throw his socks on the floor here.
That was one of the things that most amazed him. This house was clean and tidy, orderly even. He was totally unused to that. In his own house, things had been left where they’d last been used; very few things had ever been put away. Junk was scattered all over, and many things were filthy; nothing was really clean. Here, surfaces weren’t cluttered, all the floors were either polished or vacuumed, every ornament was dusted, it was like homes he’d seen in movies where everything was perfect, everything was unbelievable!
The closet in Geoff’s room only had his few meager and over–worn clothes in it. Todd had said they’d buy him some new clothes, but Geoff was sure he was just saying that; he’d believe it when he saw it. All his life, he’d only had his brothers’ hand–me–downs, most of which were worn out by the time he got them.
His room was something else. But it was just one of the wonders he discovered while exploring. Downstairs there was a family room with a large screen, high definition flat screen television set. The room was large enough that it even had a pool table in it. A pool table! But while it had that, and a huge TV set, it still wasn’t crowded! There were several couches, a game table, and a baby grand piano. Incredible.
Everywhere he looked, there was something else to get used to; it seemed the wonders never stopped. He’d been wandering around the place on his own. He had a lot of time for that. Todd went to school each day, Todd’s father went to work, and Geoff had to stay in the house, or the backyard. Geoff’s father hadn’t been found, and Geoff didn’t feel safe being anywhere he could be seen by anyone until that happened. Geoff knew his father only too well.
Geoff wasn’t alone in the house. Todd had hired a live–in housekeeper/cook. Her name was Monica Dupree. She lived there, too, so Geoff had company in the house, but Monica kept herself busy, and Geoff had time to explore.
He’d been told to stay out of Mr. Mortensen’s study and his bedroom. The rest of the house was available to him. Todd trusted him. He hadn’t even said anything at all about being careful, or not stealing anything, he’d simply trusted him. Crazy!
There was a pool in the back, and he hadn’t realized it at first because stepping out in the back yard from the kitchen, he first walked onto a covered patio, and the pool wasn’t visible from there. He’d had to go out into the back yard itself, then walk to the end of the house before he saw the pool. It was perhaps a less impressive sight now when the temperature was about a half dozen degrees below freezing, but still…. There was a cover over the water, but just knowing it was there—a pool, he was staying in a house that had a swimming pool!—was mind–blowing.
There were two downstairs hallways. It was while he was poking about, seeing what was what, looking in doors down one of those hallways that he found the door to the basement. He walked down, flipping on the light as he did. He found it was one large room, one very large room. The stairs ended in the center of all that space. When he was standing on the cement floor, he did a three–sixty turn, simply looking around.
What caught his immediate attention was the shop area, located behind the stairs. He walked back to it and just gazed at what was there, awed. He’d taken wood shop in school and it had been one of the few courses he’d really enjoyed. He’d paid attention and learned about how to use the tools, learned safety procedures, learned to have respect for the many aspects of woodworking. Working with wood was fun and the things he had made and seen others make had really sparked his interest. Now, here, he was seeing a fully equipped wood shop with a lathe, table saw, planer, band saw, drill press, router, joiner, miter saw, and lots of miscellaneous smaller tools. There were many tools that worked off an air compressor such as nail and staple guns, some that used electrical power to run like drill motors and glue guns, and there were even some old–fashioned hand tools. There was a complete set of wood chisels of various sizes, three planes, several rasps of different coarsenesses and shapes and, as he found when he opened cupboards and looked on shelves, some tools he couldn’t name or figure out a purpose for.
Exploring further, he found a large selection of both soft and hardwoods, stored in racks set against the wall and just waiting to be turned into something, anything.
He stood and looked at everything, the tools, the wood, the workspace, feeling a growing excitement. Then he saw a large format book lying on the worktable, and when he opened it, found plans for various projects. He began imagining building a computer table with pigeonhole shelves for his bedroom. Or a bookcase. Could he? Would that be allowed?
He left the basement even more enthusiastic than he’d been seeing the pool and TV set.
Geoff returned to the family room and sat down. He looked at the high definition television that seemed larger than the whole living room wall in his house. He stared at the remote control sitting on the coffee table, but didn’t pick it up. He couldn’t believe he was here, that he’d actually be living here. His thoughts turned back to when he had first arrived.
»»»» 0 ««««
He’d felt edgy, first coming to the house with Mr. McCluskey. They’d parked in the driveway and walked to the front door together.
Mr. McCluskey had rung the bell, and Todd had answered the door. He’d smiled brightly at Mr. McCluskey, then had dropped the smile when he’d seen Geoff, standing a bit awkwardly behind the man.
“Come on in. I’m the only one here. Mrs. Dupree starts tomorrow and my father’s at work.”
Mr. McCluskey stepped into the house and Geoff followed, wiping his feet vigorously. Even simply stepping in to the entryway of such a house, he felt so out of place. Todd led them to the living room, and they all sat down.
“Here’s how it’s going to work,” Todd began, looking a little uncomfortable being in charge. “I spoke to my father. He’s okay with this.” Todd looked at Mr. McCluskey and explained. “His attitude has been better lately. He knows he has to change, and he told me he knows it’ll be easier for everyone if he simply… well, as he put it, if he doesn’t fight the inevitable.”
Todd turned to Geoff. “You don’t know about any of this, Geoff, but my father and I haven’t gotten along well in the past. I’ll tell you about it, or at least some of it, at some point if we end up getting along with each other. But, as of right now, he accepts that you’re going to be here awhile, and he’ll be as pleasant as he can. You probably won’t see that much of him. He works long hours, and because he spends quite a bit of time entertaining high–level customers and executives, he just isn’t here that much. If he is here, I plan on us all eating dinner together. It’s something I want to happen.”
Geoff squirmed a little in his seat. He opened his mouth, then closed it without speaking. Mr. McCluskey saw this, and kept a smile in check. This was Todd’s show, and he wasn’t going to interrupt unless he had to.
“As I said, Mrs. Dupree begins work tomorrow. She’s the new housekeeper I hired.” He now turned slightly, including Mr. McCluskey in what he was saying. “I’ve spoken to her on the phone a couple of times. She’s eager to get started. Geoff, I think you’ll find her, uh, interesting. But I’ll let you form your own opinion of her.”
Finally, Geoff couldn’t hold back. “Todd?”
“Yeah?” Todd looked at Geoff, stopping what he was about to say.
“Is it okay with you, I mean really okay, that I’m here? This seems screwy to me. I wasn’t nice to you at all. This seems wrong, that you’d do me this kind of favor. I’m out of place here. I don’t want to go to the CPS home, but, well, I guess I just don’t know why you are doing this.”
Todd stared at him for a moment without answering. Finally, he glanced down, then back up again. He’d been trying really hard to meet people’s eyes, and he was getting better at it. “I had to think about it, Geoff. I don’t really like you much. I keep thinking about what you did to me. Every time I see you, I get these feelings I can’t control. I remember things you did, and how I felt at the time. Those feelings come back to me. You know, nervousness, and fear. I don’t hate you anymore, though, even if I still am a little afraid of you, of what you might do.”
Geoff fidgeted, started to speak, and Todd held up a hand to stop him. “I know you a little better now, I helped you, and that makes a difference. It’s hard to hate someone you’ve helped.”
Todd was looking directly at Geoff, and when he continued, his voice was stronger, harder. “But I don’t really get you. I know why you say you were like you were. I just don’t buy it. Not entirely. I wasn’t treated right at home either, but I never beat anyone up because of it. I don’t see how you could have enjoyed doing that, how you could have felt good about yourself doing that.”
Geoff hung his head at that. It took him a moment to reply. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I did that to you. But we’re different people, I guess. I don’t know how you were able to just accept what was done to you. Maybe you were able to keep your anger inside. I couldn’t. I suppose you were angry all the time, weren’t you?”
Todd thought for a moment. “I don’t know. Maybe I was. But that wasn’t what I felt all the time. If I was angry, I didn’t realize it, mostly. I think maybe I blamed what happened to me on myself, so there wasn’t anyone to get angry with. No, I didn’t feel much anger, most of the time. What I felt was fear. I was always afraid of everything. I was more worried about getting through the day without being hurt, or ridiculed by my father, or breaking one of his rules, than I was being angry about it.”
“See.” Geoff looked pleased. “We were just different. As I said. I was afraid of my dad, but I sort of ignored that fear, just lived with it. I wasn’t much afraid of anything. If he came after me, then I got afraid right then, but it was just at that moment, and after he’d hurt me, it was over with. You lived with your fear, I lived with my anger. Just different, is all.”
Neither of them said anything for a moment, thinking about that. Then Geoff said, “You know, I just thought of something. You worried all the time because you were thinking about what was going to happen to you next, from someone like me or your father. I never thought about what was next. I just lived with what was happening at the moment. I didn’t worry about what was ahead of me because I never thought about it.”
Todd considered that. They were different. He’d known that. The rest of what Geoff had said had never occurred to him, though. It mostly surprised him that Geoff had thought of that and he hadn’t. Mr. McCluskey had told him Geoff wasn’t stupid. Here was an example of what he must have meant.
Watching Geoff as they talked, he could see the boy was uncomfortable. He thought he ought to reassure him. Geoff was going to stay in this house with him, and it would work best if he wasn’t feeling awkward or unwanted.
He took a deep breath, then said, “Geoff, I don’t hate you anymore, and I know you need a place to stay. So it’s OK with me that you’re here. I think it’ll be good for you. You can do your schoolwork here, and I’ll be around if you have questions. And most of all, you don’t have to worry about your father finding you. No one knows you’re here. Right, Mr. McCluskey?”
“That’s right.” Mr. McCluskey turned to speak directly to Geoff. “I told the police that I was keeping you safe until they caught your father. I told them that it was better if no one knew where you were staying. They weren’t happy about it, but I worked with a couple of their men while I was doing social work, and we have a relationship of sorts. They trust me.” He paused and then turned to Todd. “They also think Geoff doesn’t have to worry about Mr. Harper, that to think he’ll harm him isn’t realistic, and even if he was capable of that, think he’s long gone. They say he wouldn’t be about to risk being caught. They don’t think there’ll be any trouble.”
He turned to back Geoff. “Your mother and brother are missing, too. The police are sure they all took off together. You have any idea where they might have gone? I told the police I’d ask you and tell them what you said.”
Geoff thought a moment, his brow wrinkled. When he spoke, his voice was softer. “I don’t have any idea. We never went away anywhere. There were some bars in town he went to all the time. That’s all he cared about, drinking with his friends. I don’t know if we even have any relatives, and if we do, where they live.
“If I were looking for him, I’d check out the bars where he drank, and see if anyone he hung out with in town took him in.”
Geoff looked up at Mr. McCluskey and the man could see anxiety growing in his face. “It scares me that Mom and my brother are missing,” Geoff continued. “I know how Dad thinks. They might be in danger. What I mean is”—Geoff gulped, then looking even more worried, blurted out—“Dad might kill them. He only cares about himself, and if he thought maybe they’d testify against him, he’d do it to protect himself. He would. I know he’d kill me. Without feeling anything at all.”
Geoff looked up then, at both Mr. McCluskey and Todd. “If he finds out where I am, nobody in this house will be safe, either.”
“We’ll make sure no one finds out where you are, then,” Mr. McCluskey answered, sounding as serious as either boy had ever heard him. “Mrs. Dupree will be told what the situation is, and we’ll impress it on Todd’s father, too, that it’s vital to keep secret the fact you’re here.”
Todd spoke up then. “I won’t tell anyone, either. Well, maybe one person, but I’ll make sure he understands the situation. You won’t have to worry about him.”
They were all silent for a moment, simply thinking.
Then Geoff shook his head. “I still don’t get it. Todd, you’re being much nicer to me than I’ve ever been to anyone.”
Todd looked at him, his face neutral. “Well, we’ll see how it goes. As I started to say, there are some things you should know. I told you my father and I don’t get along real well. I didn’t tell you before, but, strange as it might seem, I’m sort of in charge here, rather than my father. He’s in charge of himself, and that’s all. I told you Mrs. Dupree starts tomorrow.
“As far as house rules go, there really aren’t many. Geoff, you’ll be on the third floor, I’m on the second, my father is on the first, and Mrs. Dupree’s room is also on the first. They’re all pretty far apart. I think if we’re all considerate of each other, we should be fine. One rule would be, no drugs or alcohol. I don’t drink alcohol and hope you don’t either, and I know how you feel about drugs. I have a computer, and you can use it whenever you want. You can go anywhere in the house except my father’s bedroom and study and Mrs. Dupree’s rooms. You can use anything you see.”
Geoff was looking around the living room as Todd spoke. He’d never been in a place so lavish. It looked more like a showroom in a furniture store than a room people lived in.
“Come on, I’ll show you where your room is.” Todd smiled, a weak smile, one of the few he’d shown since Geoff had arrived. “If you want a tour of the house, that’s fine, but you might rather just look around by yourself. You’ll have a lot of time on your hands when I’m at school.”
Todd stood up, and the others did too. Mr. McCluskey said, “I think I’ll be going. Geoff, why don’t you come out and get your bag from the car. You can take it up to your room.”
»»»» 0 ««««
Geoff had spent some time exploring the house while Todd was in school. He visited the other two bedrooms on his floor. They were both empty, and in fact it appeared they’d never even been used. There was a new smell and feel to them. He supposed if there had to be names for them, they’d be guest rooms. Neither of them had private bathrooms, but there was a separate bathroom on his floor off the hallway which he figured out was to be shared by anyone who was using those bedrooms.
He’d been amazed by the size of all the rooms in the house, both downstairs and up. He visited the family room and even tried shooting a game of pool, feeling guilty while playing, even though Todd had told him to feel at home and do whatever he wanted to do, use whatever was there to use. Even with Todd’s permission, picking up a cue, trying to shoot balls into pockets, listening to the click of the balls, he kept waiting for someone to come in and ask just what the hell he thought he was doing there.
The kitchen was very large, evidently set up to cater to large groups. He opened a few cupboards and drawers and saw lots of gadgets he didn’t know the purpose of. He wandered into the backyard, found the pool, and discovered a three–foot high wall that defined the border of the property but also allowed a view of the surroundings. The land was undeveloped here; scattered trees stood randomly as far as he could see beyond Todd’s property, leafless sentinels, and there was a small stream that ran behind the wall, about 20 feet outside the property line. He stepped over the wall, walked to the stream and stood beside it, watching the water flow. The air was still and cold, and he seemed entirely isolated from the rest of the world standing there, absorbed by the endlessly moving water, surrounded by naked trees and shrubs.
Eventually, he began to shiver. Wrapping his arms around himself, he climbed back over the wall and went back into the house.
»»»» 0 ««««
Mrs. Dupree came the next day. Todd had just got home from school and hadn’t seen Geoff yet. The doorbell rang, and she was standing on the stoop, a suitcase next to her, when Todd opened the door.
He smiled and showed her in, and led her to the small suite of rooms in the back of the house. Mr. Thomas had stayed there previously. Todd had taken it upon himself to clean out anything he’d left, and had put clean sheets on the bed and clean towels in the bathroom.
He told her to take her time getting herself situated, and that he’d be in the kitchen when she was ready.
He sat at the breakfast bar, and in about five minutes she came out, wearing slacks and a blouse. She appeared to be in her fifties, with gray hair cut in a short, no nonsense style which matched her personality. She was thin without being scrawny, and had a pleasant face. It was partially her brisk manner that had caught Todd’s attention during the interview.
“Okay, squared away. Ready to go.” She looked over the kitchen from where she was standing, on the other side of the bar from Todd, then said, “Wow! This is something. I’m going to enjoy cooking here. This is the nicest place I’ve ever worked. It’s kind of big, though. I’m not sure I’ll be able to clean the whole place and really do it right, do the laundry, all the cooking, all by myself. But I’ll do my best.”
Todd shook his head. “There are only three of us, Mrs. Dupree. I’m not—”
She interrupted him. “Call me Monica. I’m not the formal kind, and that missus tag sure sounds that way. Monica would make me more comfortable.”
“OK.” Todd smiled at her, and saw her face soften into a return smile. Todd continued. “I was saying, I’m not very messy. I can keep my own room clean. My father is not in the house all that much. He sleeps here and that’s about it, it seems, but I’m hoping to get him to eat dinner here more often. There’s one other boy about my age staying with us now, but that’s temporary. His name is Geoff and he has a bedroom on the third floor. He has time on his hands, and I’ll ask him to keep his own room clean. He should be able to run a vacuum, change his own sheets, get his own towels. So as far as taking care of us, you won’t have that much. Will that help?”
Monica laughed. “You’re my kind of boss, Todd! Yeah, that’ll help. But let’s see how it goes. I’ll try to do everything myself. With only three guys, it shouldn’t be that bad. Changing sheets once a week doesn’t take long, and the towels don’t either. Let me try to keep up, and if I need help, I’ll holler. I’ll try to vacuum your rooms, too. Now, is there anything anyone doesn’t eat? Should I just cook what I feel like, or do you want to plan menus? I can manage it either way.”
Todd thought about it. “Just do what you want. I’ll try to let you know how many are eating at night. Geoff and I will have juice and cereal and toast for our breakfasts, usually, and if you can make Geoff a sandwich or soup for his lunch, I’m sure he’d like that. The only meal you’ll have to cook during the week is dinner. We’ll usually need lunches and maybe breakfasts on the weekends. So if we do it that way, the only real cooking you need to do is at dinnertime. And maybe breakfasts on the weekends, if you don’t mind.”
He fidgeted for a moment, wondering how much to tell her. Deciding not to go into much detail, he said, “This is all new, with my father, with Geoff staying here, with my being in charge. We’ll just play it by ear, learn as we go, and I hope it’ll work out. You know what needs to be done to keep house, how to cook, what to shop for, and I don’t. So I’m really going to be relying on you. If you tell me about any problems you’re having or see, we’ll work on them. You seem very flexible, and I’m very open to anything you want to talk about. One thing I really liked in the interview was that you said what you were thinking. That’s something that we need more of around here.”
Monica grinned and nodded. “I’ve always thought that speaking your mind solves a lot of problems before they become problems. So I guess I’ll just start in then, and I’ll be on my own, and you’ll let me know how I’m doing, and if you want anything done differently, we’ll take it from there. One thing I didn’t quite get is, I’m working for you, not your father? That’s right, isn’t it?”
Todd gave her his wry smile. “If it ever comes to an argument, yes, I’m the one you listen to.” Monica saw him bite his lip and frown. “I hope it never comes to that, and I’ll try to keep anything from escalating that far. If my father asks you to do something, I hope you can do it, although he can be dictatorial and maybe even rude. You don’t have to put up with anything like that. If you have a question about anything, and don’t want to ask him, ask me.”
Todd smiled genuinely then. “Since you are outspoken, I guess you’ll usually just discuss it with him. It’s one reason I hired you. I think you can stand up to him. I hope you’ll do that.”
He stopped, then added as if it were an afterthought, “Of course, we’re talking about something unusual when we’re talking about any sort of confrontation. I don’t expect there’ll be any problems at all.
“My father is used to getting his way and not necessarily taking the time to be polite, but he’s trying to change that. Usually, I’d think whatever he wants would be reasonable and you’d feel comfortable helping him out.”
When Todd stopped, Monica said, “Okay, I’m fine with that. I just wanted to know the lay of the land. Now, it’s mid–afternoon. Do you want a snack?”
“No, I had a bowl of cereal when I came home from school. But thanks for asking. Oh, and a key to the house and the money for the week’s shopping is in the drawer next to the sink. If you need something else, or anything at all, just tell me.”
»»»» 0 ««««
Todd’s visit to Andy’s house was exciting for him. He’d lived at boarding school for years, and had only come home for a two–week Christmas vacation. All the rest of the time he’d stayed at school, and at the school–run summer camp. Oddly, he’d never visited another boy’s house. Now he was doing it for the first time. He wasn’t sure what he and Andy would do, he wasn’t even sure how he was supposed to act, and being shy just increased his nervousness. He was afraid he’d do something wrong, that Andy’s mother wouldn’t like him, and that he’d embarrass himself in front of her and Andy.
But in spite of his fears, Todd was excited and looking forward to the visit. What he was really looking forward to was getting to know Andy better, to just the two of them being alone together. It was friendship he wanted, but he had to admit, he also found Andy very sexy. He liked his looks, and he liked watching the way he moved. He kept remembering how cute he looked in the shower, thin and small as he was himself, and, well, just incredibly cute. The fact Andy was as shy as he was, was just an added attraction, and something that made Todd more comfortable with him, and maybe even closer to him. He imagined, hoped even, that Andy felt the same things, the same fears, he himself felt.
The day Todd was to go to Andy’s house, they had lunch together as usual, though Andy was more excited and bubbly than Todd had ever seen him. It appeared to him that Andy blushed all the way through the meal, and could only occasionally look at him. Todd laughed, finally, and Andy looked up at him to be sure he wasn’t laughing at him. He saw Todd wasn’t, saw that he was laughing at the absurdity of the situation. Andy joined in. The boys laughing together relieved much of the tension both were feeling. They both laughed harder, then, and admitted they were too nervous to have much in the way of appetites. They both left the rest of their food unfinished.
On the bus, they sat together and were finally able to talk. Andy told Todd what his parents did and a little about himself. Todd listened and smiled and didn’t say much himself. He didn’t know how much he could say. He couldn’t tell him he thought he was gay. He couldn’t tell him about his father. Andy would want to know about his life, if they were going to be friends. What could he say?
They walked for about five minutes from the bus stop to Andy’s house. It was on a street of middle–class homes that had been built several decades earlier. The trees and shrubbery and lawns were mature. The houses appeared well cared for, and the lawns had all been raked of fallen leaves. Andy’s house was the third from the corner, and, to Todd, looked very pleasant. They walked up the driveway and entered through the back door, Andy telling Todd that they only used the front door for company, and he wasn’t company, he was a friend. Todd smiled at that.
Andy’s mother greeted Todd warmly. She was a short woman, and it surprised him to see she was stout, whereas Andy was very thin. She had a bright smile, and Todd thought she was perhaps just a little too enthusiastic in meeting him, fussing about drinks and snacks, chattering away. Then he had a thought. Andy had told him he didn’t have any friends. Maybe his mother was very happy to see her son bringing someone home with him, and perhaps nervous, too. If she was overreacting a little, maybe that was a reason for it.
They’d set their backpacks down in the kitchen when they’d come in. Andy’s mom had already made sandwiches and they were on plates on the table with some potato chips. She told them to sit down and got them glasses of milk.
Andy rolled his eyes as she was asking him about school and then not giving him a chance to answer before asking Todd a question. Andy was sitting so his back was to her, and when he rolled his eyes, Todd had a terrible time trying to keep from laughing, seeing Mrs. Coulter was right behind him, carrying the milk to the table.
They quickly finished eating, neither one saying much, and Andy grabbed his glass and plate, taking them to the sink while saying, “Come on, let’s go up to my room.” He sounded excited.
Todd followed Andy’s example, made sure he thanked Andy’s mother for the snack, and they both grabbed their backpacks before making their way upstairs to Andy’s room.
In his room, Andy stood watching Todd, very excited, very much looking at his reaction. Todd surveyed the room. It wasn’t as large as his; he would discover few boys his age lived quite as opulently as he did. But whereas his own room was almost antiseptic—everything clean and tidy, nothing out of place, with very little of his personality showing in it—this room almost shouted out who its owner was. The room was crammed with bookshelves, it had a computer on a small desk, and the desk was piled high to overflowing with game disks, papers, brochures, books, lined tablets, pens and pencils and several plates and glasses, all looking like they’d collapse if the slightest breeze touched them.
The bed was a twin but still took up quite a bit of the floor space. None of this, however, was what caught Todd’s eye when he entered. What he looked at was the walls, which were covered with photographs, some framed, some simply mounted on mat board. They were mostly black and white pictures and were of many different sizes.
Todd stood in the middle of the room, slowly turning and looking at the pictures, then moved closer and studied a few. He saw landscapes, buildings, animals, street scenes, still lifes and, most often, people. Not portraits, but real people, being people. Many were taken at school, he could see that easily, and many were recognizable kids and teachers.
But they weren’t snapshots. These were serious photographs, maybe even art. They caught expressions and emotions and made Todd feel what the subjects were feeling. Technically, they looked perfect to him. With the still lifes, he could see textures, see how the light was used to highlight and diminish. With the landscapes, it felt as if he was there; there were some that showed an amazing depth of field with everything in focus, and some where the focus was close to the camera, on a single weed, perhaps, with the background becoming fuzzier as it moved into the distance, others where what was in the background was sharply outlined, and the foreground more blurry.
Todd moved slowly from one to another, stopping now and then to look longer at individual pictures.
Finally, he stepped back, and turned to look at Andy. The boy was smiling nervously.
Todd had a look of awe on his face. “These are amazing! Incredible! Did you take them?”
Andy nodded.
“I didn’t even know you took pictures! Some of these are taken at school, some of them, and I haven’t seen you with a camera.”
Andy walked over to the bed and sat down. “I have one. I keep it with me all the time. It’s in my backpack. I don’t talk to people much, and I think people don’t notice me any longer. Photography is my hobby, more than that. It’s pretty much what I do. I’m always seeing everything as a possible picture, and I’ve got to where I can compose a shot in my head, then pick up the camera, shoot it, and put the camera away without much fuss at all. People aren’t supposed to see it, and generally don’t.”
Todd was looking now at a picture of a dramatic skyline. Strong thunderheads billowed to the top of the photo, filling most of the shot, appearing angry and ominous. A lightning streak could be seen inside the top of the cloud, which was very black except for that streak of brilliance. Light came only from the sides, shining around and through the edges of the massive cloud. Near the bottom of the photo, in the dark shadow of the cloud, a small boy could be seen riding a bicycle. The photo appeared to be of the cloud. One didn’t even see the boy at first. He appeared to be riding fast, standing up and leaning forward over his handlebars, pumping hard, shirtless with his long hair flowing behind him. It looked to all the world like the cloud was looming over him, threatening him, and that he was pedaling with a fury, trying to escape from it, trying to reach the bright splash of sunlight lying ahead of him on the sidewalk.
“This is incredible. How in the world did you catch all this just at that point? It’s brilliant!”
Andy laughed. “I cheated on that one.” Andy’s mood was lighter. Todd noticed, noticed his voice and posture. He had a quick insight. Andy had been nervous about what Todd would think of his pictures. That Todd was enraptured by them seemed to have made a great difference to him. Andy didn’t seem nervous now. He appeared to be relaxed and happy, more so than Todd had ever seen him before.
“What do you mean? How did you cheat?”
“I don’t just take the pictures; I have a darkroom, too, and develop and print my own stuff. That picture is one I created. I combined two pictures, one that was just of that cloud formation, and one of the kid on the bike. Neither picture by itself is anywhere near as exciting as what you’re seeing. I just combined the two for effect and cut out miscellaneous stuff that detracted from the mood. That’s actually one of my favorite pictures, not just because of how it looks, but because of all the work it took to make it look like that. It came out really good. You can’t even see where I joined the two photos. You don’t realize the cloud was enlarged a lot, the boy hardly at all.”
Todd just looked at the picture, then back at Andy, then at the picture again.
“I thought today everything was digital,” he finally said. “I didn’t know people still worked in darkrooms.”
“Yeah, a lot of it is being done on computers now. I learned how to work in a darkroom when I was seven. I went to a camp where there was a photographer, and because I was shy around other kids even then, I ended up spending all my time working with him. He said I was a natural, and that I had an eye. I thought that was funny, and didn’t know what he meant till some time later.
“I didn’t know about anything, really, I just knew I loved it. When I came home, it was all I talked about, and my dad set me up with a local guy, a professional, to take lessons. So I learned early, and I still do it. I’ve been learning how to work with pictures on the computer, too, but I’m not as good at it there as I am with film yet. Both are fun, but so far, I like working in the darkroom more than on the computer.”
Todd finally walked over to the bed and sat down. Andy slipped off his shoes and moved so he was sitting against the headboard.
Todd was still looking around at the walls, at all the pictures. When he spoke, the strong emotions he was feeling colored his voice. “All these are extraordinary. Do you like, show them, in exhibitions or anything? I don’t know anything about this, but these are as good as anything I’ve seen. Does anyone know? This isn’t just for yourself, is it? They’re too good!”
“I’ve entered a few of them in competitions. I’ve even sold some of them. But I’m still learning, and I do it because I like it. It’s a hobby. But like I said, I have entered a couple of them in contests I’ve seen mentioned in magazines, and one in both the county and state fair. I won some money for one.”
“Where’s your darkroom? Can I see it?”
“Sure. It’s downstairs.” Andy laughed again. “I was hoping you’d like the pictures. Really hoping. Now I see you do, and I can’t seem to stop smiling. But… what do you want to do? I don’t want to bore you with photography, and now that you’re here, I want to forget about pictures for once. I’ve got some video games, and there’s a ping–pong table in the basement if you’d like to try that, but I’m not very good. I’m not hopeless at it, but—” He stopped, and Todd could see he looked like he wanted to say something. So, Todd just smiled at him and waited, letting him gather his courage. Andy did.
“Or we can just talk. We don’t seem to do that much at school. Whatever you want to do.”
Todd stood up. He looked around the room, then sat down again. He glanced at Andy, who for once seemed less nervous than he was. “What do you want to do?” he finally asked Andy.
Andy grinned. “I’m not used to having people over, and it looks like you’re not used to being over anywhere. Right?”
Todd didn’t answer, then slowly nodded, and ended up grinning too.
“OK, then.” Andy sat up a little straighter. “Here’s what I’d like to do. I’d like to sit here and talk to you. Just that. I never get to do that. I’m always too shy, and I suddenly don’t feel so shy right now. I want to get to know you, and want you to know about me. What I want, really want, is to be comfortable with….” He stopped, and then, in a rush and showing great courage, finished, saying, “With someone I like. Maybe I can be that way with you. You like my photographs, and that really helps.”
He paused, and then, looking into his lap, said, “I want us to be friends. I know, that sounds really dorky, and needy, and I don’t really know how to go about it, or how to say it, or anything else. But talking seems to be a way to start.”
Andy stopped then, and so it was Todd’s turn. He looked into his lap, too, not quite able to stare into Andy’s eyes, even though he wanted to. This was going to be hard, but he’d heard what Andy said, and heard how he said it, and if there ever was a time, it was now.
“I want to be friends, too, Andy. And since what I have to tell you is probably important and may make a difference in that, I’ll go first. Maybe what I have to say will change things, but if it does, it’s better to know right away.”
He squirmed a bit. His heart was racing.
“God, I’m nervous. And dragging it out just makes it worse. So I’m going to say it, and just hope. Hope for the best.
“I’m gay, Andy. But that’s just part of me, part I hope you can ignore if you want to. Most of me is just a boy who wants to be friends with you, too. Hang around with you, talk to you on the phone, have someone to share things with. Go to the movies and mall with. Play miniature golf, arcade games. Talk. Share thoughts with. But mostly, just someone to be friends with. I don’t have anyone like that now, no one, and that’s awfully lonely.”
He stopped, but didn’t raise his eyes. He was afraid of what he might see on Andy’s face. Rejection, horror, disgust—he could imagine all sort of things. Andy didn’t speak, and so Todd went on, wanting to say everything he felt, knowing that this might be his only chance to do so.
“I really like being with you, Andy. In gym, at lunch. I could feel a connection between us. I’ve been really excited, knowing I’d be coming to your house today, but scared, too. I knew I had to tell you about myself. I had to be honest. In spite of being scared to do so.
“So this is me, being honest. I’m gay. And, I like you, a lot. It isn’t just that you’re the best looking guy I know. I like everything about you. The way you look and act, the way you talk and blush, even your shyness. I want to know you better. But if you don’t want me to like you that way, I’ll keep that part to myself. I really, really want to be your friend, Andy, and the gay part of it is only that, just a part.”
He stopped then, and waited, and Andy remained silent. Fearfully, Todd raised his head and looked at him. “OK, I said it, and then kept talking to try to give you time to think. But I can’t wait any longer. I need to know. Does the fact I’m gay mean we can’t be friends?” Todd stopped and took a deep breath. Andy was looking back at him, his expression unreadable. Todd opened his mouth to speak again, then closed it and simply looked back at Andy, looked back and waited.