Todd looked at Mr. McCluskey and blushed, showing his embarrassment. “I’m sorry. I got hung up in the memory. I sort of forgot who I was telling this to, even though you did say it was OK.”
Mr. McCluskey grinned at him. “Todd, you probably can’t surprise me at all, and what you’ve said so far isn’t shocking. In fact, it’s charming. It describes a young boy living a part of his life most adults never get to hear about. I’m enthralled by your story, and not thinking there’s anything wrong at all about anything I‘ve heard so far. You just have more honesty and guts than most. You have the guts to say it to an adult, even if you forgot what you were doing for a while.” Mr. McCluskey chucked, trying to reassure Todd. “But, if you don’t want to continue, if it’s embarrassing you, I understand.”
Todd smiled back, a little sheepishly. “I’m surprised it feels so good to talk about this. It’s all been bottled up inside me for so long, and now that I’m telling you about it, it doesn’t seem as awful, or even as dirty as I thought it was in my mind. Your not thinking it’s bad really helps. That’s what I was hoping, that my perspective on it might not be the same as an adult’s. I want to continue, but I’ll try not to get too detailed.”
“OK, please say what feels right to you, what you want or need to say. I’m not going to complain no matter what it is. You might think it sounds dirty, but to me, what I’m hearing is your innocence.”
Todd looked surprised and momentarily confused at that, but nodded, took a breath and continued. “I started working my way up under the leg of his boxers. I was trying to work the sore muscle for him, work in the ointment, but I was challenging him, too. He had a grin on his face, and so did I. I was really excited. My heart was pounding, and, well, you know, I was really excited and didn’t need to hide it from him for the first time. I was touching the boy I’d secretly been in love with for a long time, and he seemed to be challenging me to keep going, to do more.
“I rubbed his leg muscle just under the bottom edge of his boxers pant leg, then moved an inch higher, rubbed again, then crept my fingers a little higher. I kept expecting him to say stop. He never did.
“I was concentrating on the massage, on rubbing the ointment in. I really was.” Todd raised his eyes to Mr. McCluskey’s to see if the man believed him, and not seeing any doubt in his eyes, continued. “The entire situation was kind of weird to me. This was the first time I was ever so close to him. It felt really intimate, what was happening. I could smell him, I was almost on top of him and it was all so… exciting, but I was also very aware that there was a legitimate need for what I was doing. And he’d asked me to do it! It wasn’t just a game we were playing. It was certainly that, but it was more, too.”
Todd’s voice trailed off as he was lost in his thoughts, and there was a moment of silence before he continued.
“I was going to keep going till he stopped me. He didn’t. Eventually, the side of my hand brushed against something that wasn’t his leg. I just brushed it, not enough to really know what it was, but I did know it was a private part. I sort of started shaking a little, and wasn’t sure what to do. I simply stopped, then withdrew my hand.
“I looked over, and Adam was still grinning at me. I grinned too, and blushed, and looked away. He rolled over and sat up, and put his arm around me. I put my hands in my lap. His knowing I was aroused and his looking at it were two different things. I found out I still did need to hide it.
“‘Thanks, Todd,’ he said. ‘It feels better now.’
“I said, ‘What does?’ and he broke out laughing. I couldn’t believe I’d made a joke.
“We sat there like that for a few minutes. I was basking in emotions I’d never felt before. Maybe he liked me too. Maybe he was gay. But even if both those questions didn’t get answered the way I would have liked, one thing was for sure, absolutely sure. Even if he didn’t like me anywhere near like I liked him, he didn’t seem to mind that I liked him that way, and that’s what I’d been worried about all year.
“‘Todd?’ he eventually said.
“‘Yeah?’
“He took his arm from across my shoulders, and for once he seemed not quite so sure of himself. He looked down, and with both hands in his lap and his head bowed, he looked smaller than usual. He spoke quietly, not in his usual confident manner. ‘Todd, I think you like me, maybe a lot, and I understand now why you didn’t want me to know that. Maybe I should have figured it out, but I didn’t. Anyway, it isn’t fair to you to make you tell me any more without telling you how I feel.’
“‘The thing is, I don’t know how I feel. All the boys are talking about girls. I don’t have anything against girls, but last year I liked boys in the way they’re talking about girls, and my feelings just haven’t changed like some of the other boys’ have. I still get turned on by boys, by thinking about boys. But I don’t know what I feel about girls. I might like them, too. It’s just I haven’t had much opportunity to be with any of them.’
“He paused for a moment before going on. ‘You know, I’m not saying this very well. I’m confused, is all. I like thinking about doing things with boys, I’m attracted to some boys, and it bothers me that a lot of the other guys don’t feel that way any longer. So, I asked one of the older boys who has a girlfriend, a boy who’s been really nice to me and who I can talk to about things. I told him it was bothering me that other boys are into girls and I’m not, and wondered if something was wrong with me.’
“‘He said he’d felt exactly the same way when he was going through puberty. He said a time comes when you start changing, a time came when he changed, his feelings changed. He says I’ll feel that change sometime as I grow older if I’m straight. It won’t happen overnight, but I’ll feel myself changing, I’ll see how I feel about boys and girls isn’t quite the same as it had been. He said that can happen anytime, it’s different with different boys, and that it might not start for a couple of years yet, or it might start tomorrow.’
“‘He also said that if I’m gay, I probably just won’t experience that change in my feelings, but not to worry about it because whatever I end up being, that’s who I’ll be, and there’s nothing wrong with being either way.’
“‘The reason I’m saying all this is, I don’t know what’s going to happen. But I do know how I feel right now. Right now, today, when I’m with really cute boys, ones I’m attracted to, I get excited. I think about sex. And I like you that way. I’m attracted to you, and have been since we got put in here together. I think about you that way more than any other boy in school.’”
Todd took a moment before looking up at Mr. McCluskey again. “He probably should have been embarrassed, saying that, but he didn’t seem to be. He just went on. Ever since I’d met him, I’d always envied him his self–confidence.
“Anyway, he said, ‘I don’t know if you like me that way or not, but think you might, and I know you’re too shy to say anything if I don’t say it first. So, I just said it. I really hope you like me like that too.’”
Todd stopped speaking then, and Mr. McCluskey didn’t interrupt the silence. Finally, Todd looked up at him, and a small smile crossed his lips. “That was the beginning, because of course I did like him like that. We didn’t do anything that night other than talk and hug. When we hugged, I could feel he was just as aroused as I was. But I was still shy, and I had to think about all this, somehow digest it. Well, I did kiss him just before we went to bed. And he kissed me back, but they were just quick kisses, test kisses maybe, and it was mostly talking and hugging. I did tell him I thought I was in love with him. We talked about that, too. He said he didn’t know if he was in love with me, but he sure liked me a lot, and wanted to do things with me.
“And of course, we ended up doing that. Things. Not that night, but pretty quickly. It was so exciting, really amazing. Everything was. Just getting in bed together naked, feeling his body pressed against mine, was incredibly exciting.
“We had to be careful. We weren’t allowed to lock our doors. There were unannounced room checks every now and then, and sometimes bed checks after lights out. Any sexual activity between boys was strictly forbidden. There was a rule that the senior boy in charge of each floor told everyone on his floor in a meeting at the beginning of the year. We were all embarrassed by it, but we all listened. What he said was, masturbation was permitted, but only if you were by yourself, only when you were alone. If boys were found doing that together, there were severe consequences, up to and including expulsion.
“So Adam and I had to be very careful. We wanted to do what we did more often than we were able to. But we took the risk only when we were both so horny we couldn’t help ourselves. Not often, but when it seemed safe, like when everyone was at a school sporting event, or early in the morning just before our wake up alarm or something like that, then we got to do what we both wanted to do.”
Todd looked up. “We really didn’t do all that much, and I won’t talk about that. What we did we both though was amazing, but we weren’t all that adventurous, I guess.
“I remember how I felt back then. I was in love with a boy who maybe loved me, and the whole world was bright and clean and shiny. I felt wonderful. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that good. Since.”
Todd dropped his eyes. “And then we were caught. It was stupid, really. We took a chance. There’d been a room check during study time, well before bedtime and bed checks, so we thought that meant we were pretty safe. We both stripped and climbed onto my bed and were kissing when there was a quick knock on the door, and then it was opened. It was the senior hall monitor, and there was another boy with him. The senior boy was bringing the other boy to have me help him with a math problem. If it had just been the senior boy, it’s possible he might have let it slide. With a witness, he couldn’t.
“We were taken to the housemaster, and he told us there’d be a hearing on the matter, and that our parents would be notified in the morning. Then we were separated. There was an empty bed in the senior boy’s room, and Adam was taken there for the night. I was left in our room.
“There never was a hearing, for me. When they called my father, he had them send me home immediately. I was withdrawn from the school. It had become my home. Just recently I’d been incredibly happy there, and suddenly, very suddenly, it was all over. I never even had a chance to say goodbye to Adam. I’ve had no contact at all with him since that evening. In the morning, when I got up, the housemaster came in, told me to pack, and then accompanied me to the train station, where he bought my ticket, handed it to me, and left. I had to wait there for four hours before my train came. I waited by myself, not knowing anything at all. I had no idea what the future looked like.
“I didn’t even know my father any longer. I spent two weeks a year with him, and even then, he was almost never home. I was simply there, in an empty house, till it was time to return to school.
“I didn’t know what was happening, other than I was going home.”
Todd’s voice was getting emotional, and Mr. McCluskey asked him if he wanted to stop. Todd shook his head, then went on, his voice a little stronger. “When I arrived at the train station, no one was there to meet me. I sat in the station for an hour, then finally got up the nerve to call my father’s work. I asked to speak to him. He came on the line, and said in his usual precise and cold manner that he’d be home at 6, and whether I sat in the station or not until then was my concern, not his.
“I had my trunk. It was too heavy for me to carry. I had some money, but didn’t know if it was enough to take a cab home. My problem was, I didn’t like talking to strangers, and now I needed help and wasn’t comfortable asking anyone for it. I sat down on the bench again after that phone call, wondering what to do, wondering what I could do.
“I finally decided. I dragged my trunk to the outside door of the station and then out onto the sidewalk. I walked up to the taxi at the front of the line and asked the driver how much it would cost to take me to my address. He told me. I had almost that much money, but not quite. I just looked down. I didn’t know what to do then.
“The man must have seen my expression. He asked me how much I had, and when I told him, I guess he took pity on me. He told me that would be enough. He put my trunk into the car, and then drove me home.
“I had a key, so let myself in. I unpacked, then read a book until my father came home. I couldn’t concentrate on the words. I wasn’t just afraid of what my father would say and do, I was terrified, and waiting just made it worse. I didn’t know the man at all, but did know how angry he could get.
“When he came home, I went downstairs to meet him. He was livid. So angry he could barely speak to me. But he began, and once started, he couldn’t seem to stop. He spent over an hour telling me how bad I was, how disappointing I was, what a poor excuse for a son I was, and mostly what an embarrassment I was. That was his main theme, that I was an embarrassment to him. He went on and on about how he wasn’t going to allow me to destroy everything he’d worked so hard to achieve. He said there was no room in his life for a gay son. Actually, I knew there was no room for any sort of a son, and being gay made me completely intolerable.
“I won’t go into everything he said, all the names he called me. I remember them, but there’s no point in repeating them. What it all came down to was, I’d be staying home from then on, going to school here, and there would be strict rules. Any disregard of the rules, and I’d be sent to a military school that took the worst of the worst kids and fixed them. He told me all about it. It was a brutal place where the kids were beaten if they misbehaved, where they had no rights or freedom at all.”
Todd paused to clear his throat, and Mr. McCluskey could hear the added tension in his voice when he continued. “They also have a place connected to the school where boys who are gay are sent to be changed into straight boys. He said I’d go there first.
“That really scared me. I know I’m weak and timid. I know I’m not the least bit brave. I’m also small and don’t like anything that’s rough like most guys do. Just the sound of that place terrified me. I didn’t think I’d survive it. I didn’t think I could. Some of the things he told me, they didn’t seem real, and I thought maybe he was just trying to scare me, but I didn’t know. I had to listen to what he told me, and some of it was awful.”
He looked up at Mr. McCluskey. “He told me that at the school, if you don’t move fast enough, you get disciplined, like having to march carrying a heavy rifle for hours at a time, and if you let the rifle slip or move out of the required position on your shoulder, or if you fall out of the step you are supposed to be keeping, your time starts over. You’ll be doing hundreds of pushups just for things like not saying ‘Sir’ in the right tone of voice; I can’t even do ten pushups, so how could I do that? And it could be much worse than even those things.
“Just one example. He said when they caught two boys doing anything sexual together, they didn’t just ship them out like what happened to me at Hilliard. At this school, they punished them, different ways for different boys. He said that when he’d toured the place, two boys had been caught naked together, hugging. The people who ran the place punished them by forcing them to strip naked and stand at attention next to each other in the school cafeteria during lunch the day they were caught. They had signs around their necks saying, ‘I’m a homo queer. I like boys. I want to do sex things to you.’ The people in charge then encouraged the other boys in the cafeteria to come up and show the two being punished what they thought of fags. They were told they could do anything they liked to them that didn’t involve punching or pinching.
“My father said he saw them being laughed at, derided, spit on. They had had food and icy drinks spilled on them, stuff smushed into their hair, stuff poured into their ears, and the boys being punished had to stand at attention and not move a muscle while all this happened. Otherwise, my father said he’d been told they’d be sent to solitary confinement for one week in a bare froom without any clothes or anything else. When they were through standing naked in the cafeteria that day, both boys were to be shipped to the orientation reassignment place.
“The head man at the school came in while the boys were standing there and called attention, and all the boys in the cafeteria stood up and the place became silent. Then the head man told everyone this is what happened if you broke the rules, and the next kids who were caught like these two were would have to endure this punishment for an entire week. He said he would not have this sort of perverted behavior at his school. Then he turned and walked out, leaving everyone standing at attention. Eventually, several minutes later, his second in command came in and gave the order to resume their lunch.
“I wanted to ask how this was legal, but he figured I was wondering, and he told me without my having to ask. He said parents sending their sons there gave written permission to discipline the boys any way the school saw fit to straighten out their behavior because the boys attending the school were all incorrigible.
“He said he was of a mind to send me there right then, but would give me a chance to stay home if I followed every rule, did everything he told me to. He said he was hiring a housekeeper whose job was to take care of the house and meals and to keep track of me and make sure I did what I was supposed to do. I was to be home after school on time every day, I was to make no phone calls, and all my computer use would be only for school requirements and monitored through the network in the house. I was never to have friends over to the house, and I was never to disturb him. Any and all decisions concerning what I could do were to be made by him from this point on. It was the only way he could know I wouldn’t be an embarrassment to him in the future.
“There was to be nothing at all about what I did, how I behaved, that even suggested I might be gay. Gayness wasn’t allowed. If he ever heard anything from anyone about my being gay, I’d be sent to that place immediately.
“Any violation of any of these rules, and I’d get sent there too. That threat was always hanging over my head.
“Well, I didn’t break the rules, but I’m still being sent away. I’ll leave today or tomorrow. I just wanted to tell you thank you for what you tried to do for me, and for helping me get the camera put on my computer so I could get the housekeeper caught trying to rape me.”
Mr. McCluskey jerked his head up. “Someone tried to rape you?”
“Yes. Last night. Because I had the camera, and only because of that, I got my father to see it happening and the housekeeper was sent away. But I’m being sent away too because, well, I’m not sure why. I’m too inconvenient, I think.”
Mr. McCluskey put his hand back on Todd’s knee, and his voice was alarmed. “Were you hurt at all? He didn’t rape you, did he?”
“No. I was able to prevent it.”
“You’d tell me if he’d done anything, wouldn’t you? It’s important.”
“I had to touch him, but that was all. He was going to rape me, he told me so, and I got it on the camera. It was the camera that ultimately saved me. What happened was, he was going to rape me and I kneed him in the crotch and got away. Then, my father was going to have him take me back to my room, where he’d have raped me for sure and probably pretty brutally. It was only because I had the incident recorded and it could be viewed on his computer that that didn’t happen.”
Mr. McCluskey took his hand away and stood up. He took a step, turned, and sat on his desk. His concern for Todd was clear even through his agitation. He thought for a moment, trying to calm himself before continuing. “Tell me, Todd. What would you like to do? Forget for one moment what your father wants and says is going to happen. Just tell me, if everything was up to you, what would you want to happen now?”
Todd sighed. “I’m not even sure. I think I’m the problem. I cause what happens to me to happen, and I don’t even know how. Look at school here. I come to school, and kids like Geoff just look at me, see I’m weak, and start beating on me. At home, my father controls me, bosses me around, dictates everything I do. When he hires someone to cook and take care of the house and me, that guy decides he can do whatever he wants with me.” His voice had been getting shakier while saying this, and now he began crying. “Why does everyone think they can do that?” he asked between sobs. “What’s wrong with me?”
Mr. McCluskey reached out and took him in his arms again, then held him till he was cried out. When he spoke, it was in a gentle voice. “I’m sorry, Todd, for what you’ve been through. That doesn’t really answer my question, but I think I can see what you’re saying. I think you’re saying it doesn’t matter what you say to me, things will never be better for you because no matter where you are, no matter what you do, people will always end up taking advantage of you. Just like they have in the past.”
Todd nodded, but Mr. McCluskey held up his hand to stop him from speaking. “Todd, listen to me. That was exactly why I started yelling at you the first time I met you. No, wait!” He stopped because he saw the stricken look on Todd’s face. “In your case I was wrong to do that. I didn’t know what you’d been facing, why you were the way you were. I knew most boys who looked like you had a problem standing up for themselves. But in your case, things were much worse than that; you had no way to control what had happened to you, and your self–esteem had been terribly damaged because of it. You’re blaming yourself for what’s happened. Lots of kids do that. But Todd, this wasn’t your fault. None of it. I was wrong in how I treated you, and I learned something. I now know what I did wasn’t the right way to deal with you.
“But I was right in what I saw.” He stopped to let that sink in. “You didn’t have any self–esteem at all, and I saw that. Everyone else sees it, too, and those that want to, take advantage of it.
“My basic thought was still right. I yelled at you to wake you up, to make you mad, to make you come out of that shell you’d built around yourself. I wanted you to lose that feeling of helplessness. If I could make you so angry that you’d lose that and stand up and fight back, people would treat you differently.” He stopped and sighed.
“Todd, it’s a fact that people treat you like you encourage them treat you, or allow them to treat you. And you seem to almost ask people to take advantage of you. It’s the vibes you give off. Have you ever seen those dummies they have, the ones with the sign on them that say, ‘Kick me’? That’s what you have, a sign around your neck asking for people to do that. And unfortunately, there are too many people who will.”
He leaned forward and looked into Todd’s eyes, trying hard to make his point. “You can change that; it’s entirely up to you. If you act like you’re in charge of you, people won’t be so eager to take advantage of you. If you don’t let them, if you show you won’t in how you act and carry yourself, if you don’t give them the upper hand, they’ll respond accordingly. In fact, you’ve seen that already. You just didn’t really think about it.”
Todd frowned. Then he said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Mr. McCluskey grinned. “Think about it. Think about how it went with you and Geoff. When you used to deal with Geoff, think how he acted toward you. He acted like you weren’t worth anything at all. Like you were hardly human. Didn’t he?”
“Yeah.”
“And then, once you controlled his fate, once he knew you could get him kicked out of here, didn’t his whole way of dealing with you change? Think about it. He acted differently then, huh?”
“Geoff only acted differently because I could get him expelled.”
“No, Todd, it was more than that. He knew pretty quickly you weren’t going to do that, didn’t he? He knew it that first day, when you could have lied to me about him and didn’t. But he still acted respectfully toward you after that. Don’t you see? You acted like you expected him to treat you right, and he could see that. You’d started gaining some self–respect when you were dealing with him, and when a person feels that, it shows. It shows just the same way it does when you don’t have any. It shows in how you walk, how you talk to people, how you stand up, how you look at people. And you’re doing that differently since that first day. I think you found out you could talk to Geoff. He didn’t laugh, he didn’t hit you, he listened. And that seems to have changed you. Not a lot, not enough, but some. It was a first step.”
Mr. McCluskey stopped and frowned. “But Todd, right now, you’re back to looking just like you did before all that happened.”
Todd was looking into his lap again. He thought about what Mr. McCluskey was saying, he even thought it might be true. He doubted he’d ever have had the courage to do what he did against Mr. Thomas had he not felt a little better about himself the last few days. Now, however, it was too late. He’d be sent to South Carolina to a hard military school, first to a place where gay kids were sent to turn them straight. It didn’t matter what he felt about himself now. He would be in their power, and he’d have to change not only all his perspectives on things, but his attitudes and everything about himself or he probably would not survive. He was sure that if he ever came back from that place, the person he was now would not be who he was then.
“It doesn’t make any difference any more,” he said. “I don’t know what will happen to me, but I can’t do anything about it.” The desperation of his situation hit him again, and he began to tremble.
“Todd, look at me.”
It was difficult, but Todd raised his eyes. Mr. McCluskey was again the stern, hard individual he’d first seen in the nurse’s office. When he spoke, it was in that voice, too. “I can help you. You don’t have to accept what your father is going to do to you. If you do nothing to help yourself, then what he wants is what will happen. What he wants is to have you disappear. He doesn’t care about you, only about himself. Are you going to let what he wants destroy your life?”
“But I can’t do anything about it,” Todd wailed.
“But you can! I’m giving you that out. You can do something. The first thing is, you can stop feeling defeated. That’s where most of all your problems have started. So stop it! Stop feeling defeated! Work with me. Ask for my help, then take it. Can you do that, or are you too weak?”
Todd felt the beginnings of anger, then suddenly opened his eyes. “You’re doing it again, aren’t you? You’re trying to wake me up, make me change the way I always end up thinking.”
Mr. McCluskey almost grinned, but didn’t and nodded. “You’re too smart for me, Todd. But yes, that’s what I want. Let me help you, and don’t give up. Even if I can’t help, even if you get sent there, you’ve got to not give up. You’ve got to fight. Even if you know you’ll lose, fighting for yourself is the only way you can stay whole.”
“I can’t. I’m too weak.”
“Only if you let yourself believe that. You’re the only one who can allow yourself to be beaten. You. Now, tell me. Do you think there’s any way to stop your father from sending you off to South Carolina?”
“No.”
“So if I can find a way, that means you’re wrong about that. You’re also smart enough to see that means other things you’re sure are true might be wrong, too. You don’t have to be as weak as you think you are. If you try to fight for yourself, you’ll get some pride in yourself, your opinion will improve, and you’ll behave differently, just as you did with Geoff. Are you willing to try? Do you want to feel better about yourself?”
“Yes! Of course I do. I wish I could!”
“Other people don’t control the way you feel about yourself. You do. That’s entirely up to you. Now, I want you to think, and tell me, what do you want? I know you don’t want to be sent away. But I don’t know what you do want. Think about it, and tell me.”
Todd did. He stopped and thought about what Mr. McCluskey had just said. It made sense, everything he’d said made sense. So, what did he want? That was harder. He thought for a few moments.
“What I really want is my father to love me, and want me around, and for us live happily in our house, the two of us. Maybe have a nice housekeeper there, maybe a woman.”
Mr. McCluskey shook his head. “Most of that is what you want other people to do. We can’t control their feelings. We can’t make people love us. We might have some small control over other people’s behaviors, actions, what they do, but not their feelings. That’s why they can’t control yours, either. They control theirs, you control yours. But you’re on the right track here. Even if your father can’t be made to love you, do you still want to stay here, or go somewhere else?”
Todd considered that. “I don’t know about going back to Hilliard. I was happy there at the end, but I don’t even know if Adam is still there. Going back if he’s gone isn’t something I want. It would be too hard to face people. I guess it’s OK here, since I’m not being bullied any more, and since I’ve just met someone here that I think can be a good friend. With him, and with you, I’m getting to like it better. I can talk to you, and that’s… that’s….” He stopped and smiled, then went on without trying to put his feelings about Mr. McCluskey in words. “I wouldn’t mind staying at home if I could live a normal life there, if things were normal there, but they’re not and I know my father won’t change.”
“What if I could get your father to change how he treats you? I can’t make him love you, but what if I can get him to treat you decently? To stop threatening to send you away? To stop controlling all aspects of your life? Would you like to live in the house with him and have him mostly leave you alone?”
“How could you do that?”
“Answer my question. I don’t have to figure out how to do it till I know if you want it.”
“I don’t think you could do that. You don’t know my father.”
Mr. McCluskey sat back. “It would be up to me to figure that out. But, if he wasn’t a problem, if you could have a housekeeper you approved of, and if you could do what you wanted, make your own decisions, would you want to continue to live there?”
“I think so. I’d want to try it at least. It would be so different, it’s hard to imagine it all. But you can’t do it.”
“Wanna bet?”
Todd looked up. Mr. McCluskey reached out and put both hands on Todd’s shoulders, leaning forward to do so and looking him straight in his eyes. “Todd, will you let me help you?”
Todd met Mr. McCluskey’s eyes. It was in a wistful voice that he said, “I wish you could. I trust you. You’re the only adult I do trust. I think you care about me. But I’m being sent away, probably tomorrow, maybe even tonight. If I had the courage, I’d run away, or jump off a bridge or something, but I don’t. Whatever my father wants to happen to me, that’s what will happen. And it’ll happen before you or anyone else can do anything about it. No one can change that. No one.”