Instead of reporting to study hall the next day, Todd went to Mr. McCluskey’s office. After a short wait, he was ushered in.
Mr. McCluskey scowled at him. “What’s this? Can’t it wait till this afternoon?”
Todd hated dealing with the man, found his attitude frightening and way too confrontational, but he remembered what Geoff had told him and so didn’t feel quite as intimidated in his presence as he had at first. He answered the question and ignored the attitude as best he could, realizing as he did so how he’d have been unable to do that even a week ago.
“No, sir. I need your phone number. My father is angry that I’m not home right after school. He’s going to call you to verify why I’m late getting home. I told him I was helping a boy in the library and that I’d been requested to do so.”
Mr. McCluskey looked at him a moment, then frowned. “But that isn’t exactly the case, is it? You weren’t requested, you were ordered. Also, when you said your father was angry, and I assumed you meant he was angry at me. But was it me? Or was he angry with you?”
Todd looked him in the face, something he’d been afraid to do when they’d first met. He couldn’t keep all the resentment out of his voice. “I told you, sir, I did tell you, that I would get in trouble if you gave me detention. You didn’t care then, and I doubt you do now. I didn’t do anything to deserve detention, but I’m serving it. Yes, he’s angry with me. I’m not sure the full extent of what my detention will mean when he learns of it, but I have a good idea how angry he will be, and what will happen to me then. I didn’t tell him I was serving detention, but instead made it sound like I was helping another boy as I’d been asked to do. I didn’t actually lie to him, but I probably did mislead him.”
Todd moved in his chair, trying to get more comfortable. “I also don’t know how he’ll react when you tell him the reason I’ve been given detention is for bad or insolent behavior, but I can imagine it, and it won’t be good. Insolence is one of the things I am frequently in trouble for at home. Speaking one’s mind isn’t what you do with my father. Just defending myself from any accusation, any at all, is to him being insolent. I think that’s what you said I was in trouble for here. It’s never been terribly clear to me why you’re treating me as you are. I know I didn’t do anything to deserve it, but I’ve grown used to that, just like all the other times I haven’t been treated fairly. I do know that the trouble I’m in at home as the result of this will be made very clear, and will be much worse than anything you could do.”
Mr. McCluskey didn’t speak when Todd was through. He looked at him a moment, then swung his chair around as he’d done the first day and looked at the wall behind him. He sat that way for some time, and when he swung back, the expression on his face was much different from what Todd had ever seen before.
“I’m sorry,” he said, and his voice was soft. “I didn’t know. I generally think I can read kids, and I thought I had read you correctly. What I didn’t know was the cause of what I saw, and I think now I may have made a mistake. I’m truly sorry if I’ve made things worse for you. My intention was the opposite, but that makes no difference at all. Look, can I help? I’ll tell your father whatever you want me to when he calls. How can I make things right for you at home?”
“You can’t. It’s impossible. I don’t think anything can help me there. But if you want to keep from making things worse, just tell him I agreed to help you with someone when you asked. Offer to have me stop doing it if he’d like that. He likes to be in charge, and making that offer will placate him.”
Mr. McCluskey watched the boy, who was trying to be stoic and expressionless. When he’d finished, Todd dropped his eyes to his lap, and suddenly looked exactly like the defeated boy he’d first met in the nurse’s office.
Every protective instinct he had inside him cried out to Mr. McCluskey. He wanted so badly to reach and help this boy. He had some fence mending to do first, he realized. “May I tell you why I acted as I did, Todd? I mean how I acted right from the start? It won’t change anything, but I’d like to explain. I’d like you to know. I can tell you’re very intelligent. I can’t remember any of the teachers I’ve spoken with in here ever using the word ‘placate’.” He grinned.
Todd glanced up, then simply nodded. He didn’t appear to see the grin. In any case, he didn’t return it.
Mr. McCluskey sat back in his chair, and his voice remained soft and apologetic. “I know what I looked like to you. I looked like a tyrant. When I met you that first day, you looked so small, so beaten down. I could have hugged you, but what good would that have done?” He paused, hoping for some link with Todd. Todd’s eyes were down in his lap. He seemed to be merely getting through this, consumed by his own woes, perhaps not even listening. Mr. McCluskey now realized he himself was simply another of Todd’s problems.
He sighed and wished he had a way to better connect with this boy. Shaking his head, not knowing what to do to better get through to him, in the end he merely continued with what he’d been saying. “The fact is, Todd, I’ve seen many boys looking just like you looked, and I’ve tried various ways of dealing with them. The one that almost always works best is anger. If I can get them angry, I can usually find a basis to talk to them. You’d been bullied. Mrs. Simmons told me that. Kids like that don’t need mothering. They need to find something inside of them that will allow them to begin to stand up for themselves. I’ve found the quickest way to find that something is to start with anger.”
Todd raised his eyes then, his expression unreadable, but he at least looked up, encouraging Mr. McCluskey. He hurried on.
“So I was trying to get you angry. And I did, very briefly. So I thought I was making a start. And when you said your ankle injury had been caused by Geoff, I suddenly thought maybe I could help you both. I’ve been at my wits’ end with Geoff. This gave me something else to try. I didn’t realize your situation. I couldn’t know, of course, but you’re right: you did tell me detention would cause you problems at home. I was so full of what I was going to accomplish, I didn’t listen to you, or pay enough attention to what you said. I should have. I thought your problem was just that you were lacking in self–esteem. I didn’t stop to find out if there was more to it, or why you didn’t have the self–esteem other kids do.
“But now I want to know what’s happening at home. I won’t try to browbeat you. Or intimidate you. But I want to help. When someone your age tells me that nothing can be done to help, I get really worried. Because going down that road very far can be disastrous. I want to help with whatever you feel can’t be helped. Something probably can be done. You see, Todd, it probably isn’t impossible, it simply looks that way from your perspective. But for me to help, I have to understand. You have to talk to me.”
Todd’s eyes didn’t rise to meet Mr. McCluskey’s. But after a moment he did speak. “No, sir, the situation just isn’t fixable. But I’m trying to survive it. I’m doing that. The best I can. But one rule I have to live by is to be home directly after school, and detention prevents that. All my father’s rules have to be followed absolutely and must not be questioned. He’ll call you today. I’ll find out what was said tonight. Whatever he decides, that is what will happen.”
Mr. McCluskey shook his head. He wasn’t going to accept that. But his first job was to talk to Todd’s father. After that, he’d have more to go on.
He told Todd he’d tell him what he and his father had said if his father had called by the time of their afternoon meeting, then stood up and offered the boy his hand.
Todd looked at it, but didn’t get out of his chair. “I have something else to talk about if you have the time, sir.”
“Of course. What is it?”
“It’s Geoff. I think he should be put back in his regular classes. And I’ve thought of something else. You said you wanted to help me at home. Well, while you were apologizing, I was thinking. And I thought of something that might help. It will be tricky, but the best way to do it would be if you’d suggest it. But it has to be done in just the right way.”
Mr. McCluskey wrinkled his brow. “I don’t know what you want me to do. However, I now realize I owe a debt to you. I’ve caused you some problems. It was unintentional, but I’m to blame. Whatever I can do to help, I will. What do you want me to do?”
So Todd told him.
After Todd left the office, Mr. McCluskey sat at his desk, thinking. He thought of several things, but whatever it was he was thinking about kept changing and coming back to just one thing. He kept thinking of what he’d seen in Todd’s eyes as he’d left the office. Something he now realized he’d never seen there before. Just now, for the first time, he was pretty sure he’d seen in the boy’s eyes a glimmer of hope.
»»»» 0 ««««
When Mr. McCluskey’s phone rang it was just after lunch and he’d just returned to his office. The voice on the line was very abrupt and preemptive.
“Mr. McCluskey?”
“Yes?”
“This is Abraham Mortensen. I am Todd’s father. What is your position there?”
“Ah, Mr. Mortensen. Thank you for calling.” Where Mr. Mortensen’s voice had been sharp and presumptive, Mr. McCluskey’s was soft and friendly, the words coming slower. “Todd told me you would be. I’m Ian McCluskey, and I’m vice–principal here at Clearview High. I’m in charge of administrative functions dealing with students’ affairs. What can I help you with?”
“‘Administrative functions dealing with students affairs’? What kind of gibberish is that? I’m CEO of Landsdown Enterprises. You know what that is by the title. You know what I do by the title. I run the place. Administrative functions? What is it you do there, that’s what I want to know? When I went to school, the vice–principal handled discipline. Is that your function?”
“That’s one of many things I’m involved in, yes.” Mr. McCluskey kept his voice very friendly, but was aware of two things immediately. One was that Mr. Mortensen liked to put people on the defensive by being domineering. He immediately wondered if Mr. Mortensen also dominated his son and put him on the defensive as well. The second was, the man had found a way to mention what his job was, how important his job was, almost first thing in the conversation. This probably meant he was arrogant and boastful, probably very aware of both his image and power, and he wanted others to be aware of just how important he was.
In his experience, it was little people who lacked much in the way of confidence in themselves who acted that way. They tended to take out their aggression on those beneath them.
Mr. Mortensen was forging forward. “And is that why you’re involved with Todd? Are there disciplinary problems? Because if there are, and I haven’t been informed, this is going to go a lot higher than just you.”
Mr. McCluskey’s heart was beating faster than normal. He wanted to snap back in kind. But he remembered what Todd had asked him to do, and getting in a pissing contest with this man wouldn’t accomplish that. No, what he had to do now was remain affable, calm and unaffected by the man’s rudeness. That, and lie.
“Oh, no sir, why would you think that? Todd is never a discipline problem. I wish we had more students like him, bright, hardworking, polite, deferential, respectful, and never a problem at all. No, he’s helping another student in the library after school, something I’d begged him to do. I found out after the fact that by doing this, he has violated a rule he has at home. He told me this when he told me you would be calling. He’s very upset that he broke the rule; he’d thought it would be OK because he was still at school, helping another boy when he was asked to. And while he wants to help, he told me today he must get home right after school, so has to stop going to the library.”
Mr. Mortensen’s angry snort was quite audible over the phone. “That isn’t his decision to make. I make decisions like that for him. In the past he’s shown an utter lack of responsibility and truly reprehensible behavior, so his ability to make decisions was suspended. He will not bring this family’s hard–won reputation down through his childish actions. He cannot decide to help someone in the library, and he cannot decide not to. I am provoked he still hasn’t learned that. For him to say to you what he did shows he hasn’t grasped what I’m trying to accomplish. Sterner measures must be taken, I’m afraid.”
Mr. McCluskey smiled. Even though the man’s manner had him fuming, he realized the conversation was moving as he wanted it to. He was halfway there; the man was reacting exactly as Todd had said he would.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I was more or less paraphrasing what he said to me. I was giving you the gist of it, not his exact words. I guess, thinking about it, what he actually said was that it was more important for him to do what you ask of him than to help this other boy. The conversation went deeper than that, and I can tell you the details if you wish, what he said exactly.”
“Yes, I would like to hear what he said. You should have understood that by now. Your interpretation means nothing to me.”
“Yes, sir. When he said he didn’t know if he could continue with the after school activities, I told him how I regretted losing his help with the other boy. I asked him if there would be the possibility of his working with this boy at your home, or even if the rather off–the–top idea of using web–cams so this boy could work from the school and Todd could work from home was possible. He said that would never work, that you would never allow him to have a camera attached to his computer.”
Mr. McCluskey had expected to be interrupted, that Mr. Mortensen would continue to try to dominate the conversation. That he wasn’t doing so was another sign that this might well be working. He smiled, feeling hopeful, but didn’t let it color his voice and he continued.
“After that, I asked if he was sure he wouldn’t just continue at the library, and he said no. That’s what I told you he said, but thinking about it, he was responding to the part about being sure when he said he wouldn’t, which I took to mean he was backing out. But I see now he meant he wasn’t sure because he couldn’t make that decision on his own. I understand now. He was deferring to you.”
Mr. Mortensen grunted. “Indeed. As he must. But he told you I wouldn’t permit him a camera. Actually, that isn’t a bad idea. It would permit him to help this other student, which I’m in favor of in the right circumstances as I’d, uh, I mean, he’d get the credit and publicity for that, yet he wouldn’t be away from home where he could get in trouble. He again seems to be thinking independently, thinking I would not permit something that is entirely in my province to accept or deny.”
There was pause, then, and Mr. McCluskey could almost hear the gears turning in Mr. Mortensen’s head. “I think I will permit this. I’ll set up the rules for it with him tonight.
“Also, I will now expect him home at his regular time, starting tonight. I’ll be informed if he isn’t, and I’ll be forced to take steps that have already been discussed fully with Todd.”
“Well, Mr. Mortensen, I’m certainly glad this has been resolved, and if I can ever be of further assistance, please call. Now, I really must run. I’ve important matters to attend to and really don’t have this much time for phone calls. Goodbye.” And Mr. McCluskey hung up before Mr. Mortensen could, a smug grin on his face.
Mr. Mortensen had just been manipulated and he didn’t have a clue. Why Todd wanted this done, Mr. McCluskey didn’t know. But he felt good that he’d helped the boy.
»»»» 0 ««««
At lunch, Todd was sitting by himself as usual. He’d been doing so all year. He was shy enough not to know how to approach tables with other kids and ask if he could join them. And, perhaps because it was common knowledge he was bullied a lot, no one else ever chose to sit with him. He’d become used to it and always brought a book to read.
Today, he was pulled out of his book by a small voice. “May I sit here?”
He looked up and saw the blond boy from gym.
“Sure.” Todd took his backpack off the table and shoved it under his chair, and moved his tray from where he’d put it after emptying it, across the table and opposite where he sat.
The boy set his tray down, then glanced at Todd, glanced away and sat down. Todd was watching him. The boy was definitely cute. He had long blonde hair, the type that is very light at the top and darker near the roots. It cascaded around his face, enveloping it. He had even features, tanned skin that seemed flawless, and a button nose. Dark blue, deep–seated eyes and a firm chin completed his face. Todd was a bit dismayed at his good looks, and surprised that a boy who looked like this would be so obviously shy.
When the boy eventually raised his eyes to Todd, Todd looked at him thankfully, but said to him in a cautioning voice, “You’re taking a chance sitting here. I get picked on a lot. If you’re with me, you’re inviting the same thing yourself.”
The boy blushed and looked down. Todd waited, but the boy seemed in no hurry to raise his eyes again. Finally, Todd said, “You said you were sorry in gym. Then it was my turn with the horse so I had to run and I didn’t see you after that. So, uhhh, I’ve been wondering ever since what you were sorry about.”
The boy finally lifted his eyes. Then, looking back at his tray, he picked up his carton of milk and began trying to open it. He did manage to speak, but not till he’d fussed with the carton awhile. “I’m sorry. It’s difficult for me to talk to people. You don’t know how hard it was for me to ask you if I could sit here. I’ve been thinking about if for a long time. I finally just did it.”
Todd looked at him with empathy in his eyes, but the boy was still concentrating on his milk and didn’t see it. Todd hesitated, then blurted out, “Can I ask you something? Is it difficult because you’re shy?”
The boy looked up quickly then, wanting to read Todd’s expression. When he saw what was in Todd’s eyes, he blushed, then managed to say, “Yes. It’s awful.”
“I have the same problem,” Todd admitted. “I’ve never met anyone before who’s shyer than I am. Until now maybe.” And he giggled.
The other boy looked scared for a moment, but then realized there was no ridicule in the laugh, only friendly humor, and he began to giggle too.
Todd said, “Being shy is awful, and I hate it. I’m hoping to grow out of it. By the way, my name’s Todd Mortensen.”
“I’m Andy Coulter.”
“Hi. Glad you sat down. Now, tell me what you told me you were sorry for in the gym.”
Andy looked scared again, then looked like he was forcing himself to hold Todd’s eyes. “I saw what those guys were doing to you. It was something awful almost every day. I wish I’d had the courage to try to stop them, at least to say something. But I couldn’t. Then after Harper stopped them, I thought maybe that would be the end of it. There might not be any more of it. It felt that way both in the locker room and in the gym. And nothing’s happened since then. That gave me some confidence to talk to you. I wanted to apologize for not being able to help you.
“And, I guess I just wanted to talk to you. You looked like someone I could do that with.”
He quickly looked back down after what was, for him, a very long speech.
“Thanks, Andy. That means a lot. But don’t feel bad about not helping. I’d have done the same thing in your place. I’m shy and scared a lot, too. Just having you sit here and talk to me makes me feel better than I have in a long while.”
Andy looked up, and then they both blushed, and started eating. Neither one said much of anything else all the while they sat eating. They did glance up at each other occasionally, only rarely with their eyes meeting.
But when their eyes did meet, they both blushed.
»»»» 0 ««««
When Todd was dumping the trash from his tray and putting it on the conveyor, Mr. McCluskey walked by. He looked at Todd, and gave him a thumbs up. He smiled, too which about half the boys in the cafeteria looked at in shock. They’d never seen that before.
»»»» 0 ««««
At their meeting that evening, the mood was different. For the first time, Todd had walked in to see a smiling Mr. McCluskey sitting at his desk. Todd sat down and Mr. McCluskey told him about the phone call. He also told him he was now aware of how difficult it might be for him, living at home. And then he asked him about his mother.
“She’s no longer there. When I was very young, my father was moving up in his company. We were moving a lot as he was relocated from city to city where the company had plants and offices, getting to know the company. He and my mother began fighting. She said he wanted something I’d never heard of before. My mother put a name on it when I heard them arguing: a trophy wife. They were fighting all the time. He kept saying she needed to lose weight and to get a makeover and stuff like that. She just screamed back at him. They began arguing about other stuff, too. He wanted her to do everything just his way, not to think for herself at all. It was very important to him that he call all the shots. Eventually, when she couldn’t take it any longer, she just left.”
“So you’ve had no contact with her since?”
“No. When she left, he had money for lawyers and she didn’t. He asked that all her parental privileges be revoked because of abandonment. She couldn’t fight it, and the court went along with it.”
“That sounds like he really wanted you, then.”
“No, he really wanted to beat her. To win the contest. That was all he wanted, and he succeeded. The fact he got me out of it was incidental.”
“I’m sorry, Todd. So, it’s just you and him?”
Todd had been looking at Mr. McCluskey. Now he dropped his eyes. “I’m not comfortable talking about home. Can we just forget about it?”
“I just want to help.”
“I understand, and I appreciate it. I think you did, today, if things work as I think they might. And I might need your help again. But not now.”
At that point, Geoff came into the office. He looked at Mr. McCluskey, then at Todd, and smiled. “What’s going on? It feels different in here.”
Mr. McCluskey smiled back. “Well, yeah. I’ve got news for you, Geoff. I listened to Todd today. He says you need to go back to your regular classes. So, as of tomorrow, you’ll do that. I still want you looking out for Todd. I’m a little worried about gym, but I’ve spoken to Mr. Huffington, and he’ll either be in the locker room himself or will assign a senior to monitor the room before and after gym. So I think Todd will be all right. And Todd, you have to tell someone if you’re getting hassled. Can you promise me that?”
Todd looked nervous, but he nodded. “OK. Every survival instinct I have yells at me not to, but, OK.”
“Good! Now the only thing for you, Geoff, is getting your work caught up. You’re still going to be doing that. What’s going to change is, instead of going to the library after school, you’ll come here. Todd won’t be here. He’ll
be at home on his computer, and you can use my computer. We’ll hook up a camera to it, and you two can work together. I’ll have to get with the school’s technician to get the camera hooked up before you start, however, so you can’t begin until tomorrow. So today, it’s the library by yourself, tomorrow, you’re in here. OK. That’s it for tonight. Geoff, I need to talk to Todd alone for a minute, so go on to the library. Take some books.”
Geoff stood up, then did something entirely strange for him. He took a step over to where Todd was sitting and put a hand on his shoulder. He felt Todd wince, but quickly said, “Todd, I’m sorry for what I did. You’re OK, dude.” Then he turned and walked out of the office.
Mr. McCluskey stood up. “Todd, I told your father you’d be home at your regular time tonight, which means I have to drive you. Grab whatever you need from your locker and meet me in the Admin parking lot.”
»»»» 0 ««««
At home that evening, as usual, Todd did not see his father until dinner. The evening meal was rarely a pleasant time for Todd because his father used the time to reinforce how unhappy he was with his son, and the various ways in which his son fell short of acceptable behavior. Tonight, his father was especially harsh.
“I spoke to your Mr. McCluskey today. I must say, if that’s the standard they’re using for school administrators today, it’s no wonder public education is failing. You only have yourself to blame for not getting a better education in a better school, a private one. Don’t you agree?”
“Yes, father.”
“I would say so. I spoke to your vice–principal, and he was very rude. Practically hung up on me. Saying he was busy! He has no idea what busy is, what responsibility is. He had the audacity to try to tell me what could or couldn’t be done in this house! I’ve decided you shall continue tutoring this other boy, but with him at the school and you in your room. Of course, your own grades will not suffer from this, or you know what the consequences will be.”
“Yes, Father. I’ll have to use the Internet to work with him. I’ll be doing that every day. I have your permission for that, then?”
“Yes, with the usual stipulations.”
“Yes, sir.”
After that, Mr. Mortensen spent much of the rest of the meal talking about a meeting he’d had with his board of directors. Todd had learned how and when to inject remarks when his father was speaking to him so his father could underline his own achievements. He also knew when to show sympathy for his complaints without overdoing it. That night, when his father complained about the ultra conservative and often religion–based notions of several of the members on the board, Todd didn’t respond but thought of a few remarks about his father’s own conservative views. Of course would never make them; he sympathized with the man instead.
When the meal was over, Todd retired to his room, as he always did. There he could be by himself and read, or study. He’d been alone a lot since coming home from Hilliard Academy, and had gotten so he no longer minded. It was much preferable being by himself than being with his father. He needed time alone now anyway. He had to figure out the best way to handle his problem with Mr. Thomas.
He also wanted to simply think about what he’d been going through. He’d been in a deep funk since school had started and he’d found himself the subject to so much abuse. The physical abuse at school, piled on top of what he was experiencing at home, had been tearing at him, and he knew his spirit had been on a steep decline recently. It had all been too much, and he’d been able to see no light at the end of the dark tunnel he was in.
Then, he’d hurt his ankle, and events around him seemed to have moved quickly; things were definitely changing. In a short period of time he was no longer afraid of Geoff Harper, and the guy had even helped him with other bullies at school. He would never be a friend of Geoff’s, but he was no longer being bullied by him, and because of Geoff’s intervention, he seemed to be getting through his days now without being hurt, or humiliated, and that was a huge change. He could now go to school without the fear that had been accompanying him every day.
He’d been terrified of Mr. McCluskey, too, until he’d learned that the man wasn’t what he appeared to be. He could be someone who provided support rather than just another adult who would use his power over him to make his life worse. The man had already helped him, and had indicated he wanted to do more, that he was on his side. Todd didn’t really trust him, but he felt someday he might be able to, and that thought was exciting. Having an adult in his life he could trust would be… well, it would be incredible. He was still dreaming about what that might mean.
Then there was Andy. He knew nothing could come of that, but still…. Just the idea of having a friend almost made him smile. He didn’t. It had been a long time since he’d really smiled.
Todd didn’t see where his life was going, or how to make it better. He was intelligent, he knew that, and earlier in life had been able to figure things out. Now, he wasn’t able to do that. He was completely under his father’s thumb and there was no way to escape it. He was also a potential victim of Mr. Thomas. That too had looked like an impossible situation until just today. Now, maybe, possibly, he could figure out something to do about that. Probably not, it was all too complicated, but, maybe. And maybe was much better than the hopelessness he’d been feeling before today.