Circumstances 38

I’d been with Gary for three weeks when it suddenly dawned on me: I hadn’t heard a word from my mother in all that time.

I guess that shouldn’t have surprised me, but I chewed it over some and realized how odd it was.  A mother should worry about her child, care about him and what was going on with him, shouldn’t she?

I knew the name of the law firm she worked for, so called information in San Diego, got the number, and called them.  I asked for Melissa Stuart, they said hold on, I heard a phone ringing, and then: “Ms. Stuart.”  Very brisk and businesslike.

“Hi Mom.”

There was a brief pause, and then, “Keith.”  No inflection in the word at all.  Well, maybe a slight irritation, but I decided as soon as I heard it not to believe that’s what it was. 

“Uh,” I said when she didn’t speak further, “I hadn’t heard from you, Mom, and just wanted to see you were all right.  Things are going pretty well, here.  I got an A+ on an essay.”

There was silence for a moment, and then, “Keith, don’t bother me at work.” 

She sounded like she was talking to a stranger, perhaps an annoying one.  I felt a tingle, a tightness in my stomach.  I hadn’t felt that in weeks. 

“Uh, Mom?  Are you OK down there?  And what about our house?  Are you making enough to take care of an apartment and the house?  I was curious.  And did you get a new cell phone?”  She hadn’t had a cell phone when she’d left.  She’d cancelled her last one when she said the monthly bill was too high.  If she didn’t have one, the only way I could call her was at work.

There was a slight pause, and she said, “Keith, I’m busy.  I gave you permission to live with the Jenks.  If you have a problem, talk to them.”  And then she hung up.

OOOOOKKKKK.  Well, she wasn’t worrying about me.  I guess I shouldn’t be worrying about her.  But my stomach felt even tighter.

Other than that, things were going better for me.  I was trying to stand up for myself, and found out I needed to do it in little ways.  People were used to me being a non-entity.  I was used to that, and it didn’t really bother me much.  But it did when they took advantage of me, even when they weren’t doing it to be mean.

An example of that was in Mrs. Bowerman’s class one day.  I didn’t like her much.  No one did.  But she was still our teacher, and so I gave her the respect I gave all my teachers.  I didn’t smile at her like I did Mrs. Gallagher, but Mrs. Bowerman wouldn’t have noticed anyway.

The time I’m talking about, she was calling on kids to give examples of how the sine function and cosine function could be used in real life.  She asked me for an example, and I started to think, and had just come up with one when Stacy Norman, sitting behind me, said, “Oh, I know,” and proceeded to give one.

Mrs. Bowerman thanked her and was moving on when I said, “Mrs. Bowerman, you asked me for an example.  Shouldn’t I get the chance to answer?”

OK, that’s sort of standing up for myself.  I was pissed because what had just happened was what I got a lot of, and it didn’t happen to most kids.  They had their own opportunities, their own spaces, in which to shine.  My space, my sunlight, often got eclipsed like that.

Mrs. Bowerman glowered at me and sniffed.  “You didn’t answer.  I doubt you knew the answer!  I think Stacy was just covering for you.  I wouldn’t call attention to that if I were you.”

OK, what should I have done then?  What I did was say, “I did have an example, and it was better than Stacy’s.”  Then I shut up while Mrs. Bowerman just glared at me.  Making a huge fuss wouldn’t have got me anywhere, except maybe a visit with Mr. Johnson, and I was trying to avoid that.  I was trying to learn the ins and outs of not being invisible, of not being taken for granted or pushed around.  I was learning the ABCs of that.  Learning how to deal with Mr. Johnson would be nearer the end of the alphabet.

I discovered something that surprised me one morning while getting dressed.  I wore mostly my new clothes now, but for some reason, probably because I was late and in a rush, grabbed one of the shirts I’d brought with me.  I slipped it over my head as I was leaving my room and walked into the doorjamb because I couldn’t get the shirt over my head quickly enough to see where I was going.

The shirt wouldn't fit!  I mean, it was way small.  I looked in the mirror, and I looked just the same, but still, the shirt wouldn’t fit.  My shoulders were broader.  I realized something: I had to be growing!  Unless you’ve been a runt most of your life, you can’t possibly know how excited I felt!

I knew I’d already entered puberty because I was getting more hair where I’d wanted more hair, and because my dick was growing, too.  I knew that because I paid it quite a bit of attention.  Gary had commented on it, too.

Even though I was running late, I took off my jeans and pulled on one of my old pairs.  I was shocked when I saw at least two inches of ankle showing at the bottom, and found I couldn’t begin to button the top button.

I put my newer jeans back on, and noticed even that pair was a little shorter, a little tighter than when we’d bought them.

I was growing!  I really was growing!

Of course, this made for a problem.  That night, when Mrs. Jenks had finished with the dishes, I told her I needed to talk to her.

“I have a problem,” I told her, and dropped my head.  This was really embarrassing.

“What’s that, Keith?  I’m sure we can solve it.”

“It’s embarrassing.”

She laughed.  “Well, if it has to do with puberty, with boy stuff, maybe you could speak to Mr. Jenks, or even Gary.  But if you want to talk to me, go right ahead.  And don’t be embarrassed.  You’re a normal, growing boy.”

“That’s just it.  I am growing.  And the clothes you bought for me just a few weeks ago are already starting to be too small.”

“Oh,” she said, and smiled.  “That’s no problem at all!  That means we get to go shopping again.  This weekend, or even tonight if you need to.”

“But what if I keep growing?  Shouldn’t we wait?  And you’ve already spent so much money on me!”

She reached out for me, and I went to her willingly.  She hadn’t hugged me so much recently.  I realized, right then, that she hadn’t needed to.  How did she know when I needed one?  I never did figure that out.

“Keith,” she said, her arms around me, “you’re worth it.  And as I told you, we have way more money than we need or will ever spend.  Believe that.  It’ll be fun, shopping with you again.  Just tell me when you want to go.”

She was amazing.  The whole family was amazing.  I had a smile on my face when I went upstairs that night, just thinking how lucky I was.

I was ready for bed when the phone rang and Gary stuck his head in the door, looked at my sleeping costume, or lack thereof in this case, smiled and said it was for me.

I slipped on some shorts and went into his room to take it on his extension.

“Hello?”

“Keith?”

“Yeah?”

“This is Darryl.  Would you go to the movies with me this weekend?”