Singer Without a Song

Chapter Thirteen

Spring had already arrived in Washington when they had a late winter storm on the fifth of May. Along the Tidal Basin in the Nation’s Capital the cherry blossoms began to fall off the trees in a swirl of petals that were almost indistinguishable from the snow flakes. But the weather didn’t matter to the birds that were trying to build a nest in the tree outside the windows of Louie’s kitchen.

Alan was sitting in the breakfast nook munching on a piece of breakfast toast when he spotted something of interest in the newspaper. The SDS was planning another march on Washington to protest the war. Alan had been following their activities for months out on the West Coast and in New York. He had finally read Tom Hayden’s manifesto, something the press called the Port Huron Papers.

Now the SDS was calling for another protest rally here in Washington, tens of thousands would come and this time it seemed inevitable that Alan and John would be in the middle of it all. There was only one problem and it was a rather big one.

Master Sergeant William J. Bateman was a man who staunchly supported his country’s military policy. His job put him too close to the decision makers for their hawkish attitude not to rub off on him. And John, being the good son, had always respected his father’s beliefs and expected the same consideration. So far things had only been to a simmer between them about the anti-war movement.

But on this fateful Saturday morning, the Sergeant and his wife decided to take the family car in for a tune up. He borrowed John’s VW Beetle to drive them home and followed his wife down to the dealership. He was sitting behind her at a stoplight on Georgia Avenue when he decided to push the seat back to accommodate his long legs and that’s when he discovered a copy of the manifesto under the seat.

The discovery had sent the Sergeant searching through John’s room while he and Alan were at the movies. John was dropped off at home that night after their date completely ignorant of the rage that waited beyond his front door. He had never encountered his father’s wrath like this before. It was only something he remembered from childhood when his brothers were beaten.

Standing in the kitchen, clutching a document that made him sick to his stomach, the Sergeant let John have it with both barrels.

“I can’t believe that you would put your name on crap like this,” He yelled. “What the hell were you thinking? Who do you think feeds and clothes us? Can you imagine what will happen if someone sees our family name on this piece of shit.

“Let me tell you that I have worked too hard and too long getting where I am to allow your stupidity to bring us all down. I could lose my security clearance. Do you understand what that would mean? My job, you ungrateful little shit, that’s what. What were you thinking? Tell me.”

At first John admitted his guilt and tried to make peace with his father but the man would have none of it. John wouldn’t fight back until Alan’s name came up. The Sergeant could only think that John had been influenced by his friend and forbid them from seeing one another.

Rising to Alan’s defense John made the biggest mistake in the whole affair.

“He isn’t responsible,” John cried out, “I am, I’ve already told you that. You can punish me but I won’t stop seeing my friends.”

“You live in my house and I make the rules,” His father yelled back.

“Then I’m out of here. You just don’t understand, I love him,” John screamed. It was too late to take the words back.

The Sergeant stared aghast at his son’s revelation. Maybe all his fears about his youngest boy being too soft in what he considered to be a harsh world took over his emotions. It was too much for him to accept that his son was queer and something snapped inside.

Two hours later the phone rang and Alan grabbed it off the nightstand. His mother picked up at the same time.

“Hello, Alan?” He heard.

“I got it Mom,” Alan said, “It’s for me.”

“It’s awfully late for the phone, dear,” She said.

“Yes, Mom, I won’t be on long.” Thankfully she hung up the extension.

“John, what’s up, is everything okay?” Alan asked.

“No,” John said, and then he started to cry.

“John, where are you? I’m coming over right now.”

Between sobs, John said, “The plaza, at the diner…my father threw a fit… I’m fucked.”

“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes, stay there,” Alan said and hung up on him.

His mother was in her robe and his father was standing at the bedroom door when Alan appeared in the hall fully dressed.

“What’s the matter, dear,” She asked.

“Louie’s got an emergency at the hospital, I gotta help him do surgery,” Alan lied. Damn, he hated lying to his parents but thankfully they didn’t question him further.

“What a horrible thing. You be careful, dear. It’s late. I’ll make you breakfast when you get back,” She said.

“I’ll call you before I come home,” Alan said.

All sorts of scenarios played through his head as Alan drove out into the night, what had happened? The Sergeant had always been a concern as his love for John had developed. With his mind racing full tilt, Alan pulled into the parking lot beside the diner. John would be the one to tell him everything.

Alan found him slumped in a back booth, a cup of coffee still untouched on the table in front of him. He choked back a sob as John raised his head and exposed the bruises on his face.

“Oh, John…he hit you.”

The boy tried to smile but it only became a grimace of pain.

“My fault,” He said, “I talked back to him.”

“I hope you hit him back too, what happened?”

“He found the manifesto in my car. He said you were to blame and he said I couldn’t see you anymore. And…I told him I loved you.”

“Oh no…”

“He forbids me to see you and I couldn’t accept that, it just came tumbling out. I’m sorry. Shit…he lost it and started hitting me, calling me a ‘faggot’ and a ‘pussy.’ I just let him hit me,” John grimaced in pain, “I think he broke my nose too.”

“We have to get you to a doctor,” Alan said.

“No, I can’t afford it…call Louie, he’ll know what to do,” John suggested

It was almost two in the morning as the phone rang at Louie’s house. Alan waited anxiously for him to pick up. This just seemed to be the culmination of a month’s worth of craziness.

The game they had played on Rouse had achieved the effect they had hoped for. The presence of a real Buddhist monk had brought a new dimension of thought to the kids in their social studies classes. Mr. Bell had sponsored an after school club focusing on current events, this was their cover for the beginnings of the movement. Alan was beginning to see peace signs appear in the neighborhood graffiti and embroidered on jackets and shirts at school. It was so cool to know they had begun to make people think.

But just as Rouse feared, the school was becoming polarized. The hawks and the doves, the hippies and the jocks. Even the faculty seemed involved. Alan made sure his principal understood that it wasn’t just happening in his school, the nation was becoming divided over the war.

Louie didn’t answer, he was still out but that didn’t stop them, Alan had the key. They left the diner and John eased himself into the passenger seat of Alan’s car with a great deal of pain.

“Talking to my father won’t work,” John said. He must have been reading Alan’s thoughts.

“We have to give it a try…sometime.”

“I won’t give you up,” John said, “No matter what my father says.”

“You’re about to turn eighteen, there’s nothing he can do about us then.”

“I just won’t go home,” John said. His voice was flat and unemotional, it gave Alan a chill.

“But how…”

“I’ll take a job this summer and find a place to stay, I can do it. Besides, I know you’ll be there to help me, you have the power to do anything.”

It was not what Alan wanted to hear. They had agreed to never use the gift on their own behalf, only for the good of others. Even the thought of using it on Sergeant Bateman seemed like cheating. This was their problem and they would have to face it together.

“You know I’ll do whatever I can,” Alan began, “But I can’t use…”

“No, I don’t even want you to think that way,” John said. “But just knowing that you have this hidden strength has done something to you in the past few months. You’ve become more aggressive and assertive, people listen to you. There’s a truth behind the things you say. Even though we don’t always agree, I think you have a plan of attack that’s working for the movement.”

“I’m not worried about the movement right now, I’m concerned that my boyfriend is bleeding internally and he won’t see a doctor,” Alan said.

“Louie’s a doctor, he’ll check me out,” John said.

“I’d feel better about that if you were a collie.”

John tried to laugh but caught his breath instead, there were definitely some broken ribs, Alan thought. Louie’s house was dark but Alan pulled in the driveway and ran to open the front door. He helped John walk the fifty feet or so to the door and then took him into the kitchen.

Louie kept a first aid kit under the sink and Alan wanted to do something, anything to make John feel better. He helped John off with his jacket and shirt. He was even more horrified at the abrasions and bruises on the rest of his body.

“Oh shit…”

“Looks a lot worse than it is, I’m sure,” John said, trying to make light of his injuries.

Alan boiled water for tea and began to clean the blood off John’s face and neck. For sure his nose was broken and he had several lacerations on his ear and forehead. Mr. Bateman must have been wearing a ring. The teapot was just beginning to whistle when they heard the front door open and shut.

“So who’s up in my house so late,” Louie began from the front hallway and then he walked into the kitchen and saw John.

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph,” He said, “What happened?”

“My father takes a dim view of his queer son,” Was all John had to say.

Louie became the consummate professional immediately and went for his medical kit. He probed and prodded John’s nose, ribs and back.

“Maybe a rib but the nose is definitely broken,” He said. “We need to get you X-rayed to see if there are any internal injuries. And I mean right now.”

“I don’t want to go to the emergency room, they’ll ask too many questions,” John said. “I may hate my father for what he did but I don’t want him arrested.”

“Honey, he should be shot,” Louie said.

“No, it’s my fault. I didn’t give him a chance to think about it first, he just reacted to a string of bad news.”

Alan thought John was being too kind but he understood. Louie insisted they had to see inside the boy so despite John’s protests they went to the Bethesda emergency room. Alan sat in the waiting room while Louie, announcing himself as a doctor, was allowed beyond the swinging doors to the trauma room.

Alan had read the dated Reader’s Digest magazine cover to cover before Louie returned with a smile.

“He’ll be alright, there was nothing internal,” Louie said. “John insists he won’t do anything to get his father in trouble but the man is a menace. I feel like calling the cops and letting them sort the whole thing out.”

“No, we can’t go against John like that,” Alan replied. “I’ve been thinking that maybe I should go talk with John’s mother, she likes me.”

“But that was before she knew you were gay, am I right?”

“Yeah. But its John she really cares about, I’m just the messenger. He can’t go home, Louie. Can he stay with you? I know I’m asking a lot but I’ll never ask for another thing as long as I live.”

“I’ve already told him he can stay with me. I love him almost as much as you do, kiddo. It’s going to take a little time for him to heal properly. That nose may require some surgery or he could develop breathing problems, he needs our care.”

“Oh Lord, that’s gonna be expensive, isn’t it? His folks don’t have much money and John won’t ask for anything now,” Alan said.

“You let me worry about the bills. We take care of our own family and John is one of us,” Louie replied. “He has a long life ahead of him and we both want him in top form. He’s worth it…and so are you.”

The nurse who came to inform them that John was ready to be transported home found Alan in tears hugging Louie for all he was worth. She couldn’t know they were tears of joy and relief, the emergency room of a major hospital saw more than its share of grief.

John could hardly lift himself out of the wheelchair to get in the car. His body felt like it had been run over by a truck. Alan helped him into the passenger seat and climbed in back.

“My thanks to you both,” John sighed, “I feel better now.”

“We’ll put you to bed right away,” Louie said. “You’ll have to stay there for at least a week I’m afraid.”

“Yeah, nothing but a steady diet of chicken soup and cello music for you,” Alan laughed.

“Don’t make me laugh, it hurts,” John said. “No, seriously, I love you both for all this…I couldn’t have done it alone.”

“You’ll never be alone, we’re the Three Musketeers, no, that’s a candy bar,” Louie said. So John laughed and then groaned in pain.

Alan slid back in the door at home just as the sun was rising. He wasn’t sure what to tell his parents, they already though he saw too much of John as it was. So again he lied, telling them that Louie had a sick dog that required constant care and that he was going to sleep over at the hospital for a few days. They had the telephone number, which rolled over to Louie’s in case of emergency, they could reach him if needed.

The only problem Alan could think of as he packed was if the Sergeant or Mrs. Bateman started looking for John. What if they decided to call his parents and rant about how their queer son had corrupted the boy? Alan knew it was time to tell his parents he was gay, but he wanted it to be on his terms and not when some crazy fucker blew the whistle on his affair with John. No, despite what John had said, Alan knew he would have to deal with Mr. and Mrs. Bateman within a matter of days.

Louie was still in bed. After all it was ten o’clock on a Sunday morning. That was like the middle of the night to a respectable drag queen. Alan crept up the stairs to the Blue Room and found John asleep as well.

He took off his clothes and sat cautiously on the bed, careful not to disturb the bandaged boy beside him. He stared down at John’s face and forced himself not to enter the boy’s troubled mind. The doctor had given Louie a prescription for John’s pain but the boy had refused the medicine, he felt it wasn’t natural and Alan agreed.

Casting his aura around them both, Alan slipped quietly into bed beside John’s body. He didn’t know if what he was thinking was possible but then the impossibility of it seemed only due to his lack of experience.

His mind reached out for Master Deeban, hoping the monk’s wisdom would join him in thought. Physical separation was meaningless to the Nine. Their power existed on a different plane from this world. It was Namkhai who first responded and addressed the problem at hand.

“His body has suffered much, my student,” Namkhai’s voice spoke in his mind.

“Yes, teacher, the father has not been worthy of his son. Will you teach me how to heal this body?”

“The body will heal at your touch but the mind is broken as well,” The Master’s voice added. “To return the body to balance we must seek an answer to the tragedy of his spirit.”

“I wish to use the power of the Eye for that purpose,” Alan told them, “I will council the parents, but mending their relationship will take some time. The boy has suffered because of me and I must do something to make this right.”

“We will work to heal the body together,” The Master’s voice said. “The spirit will be left in your hands. It is well you have sought wisdom from your teachers. A wise student should not venture into the unknown without guidance.”

“I have learned that lesson and it humbles me. But I have promised never to enter his mind without his knowledge,” Alan said. “Will I have to break that promise?”

“The healing force will seek to enter every corner of his being,” Namkhai responded. “I am sure he will understand the need when you tell him. Be at peace, my student. Your purpose is noble and your intent is from the heart.”

“He is a warrior for our cause,” Alan thought, “and right now we need every able bodied man if we are to succeed.”

“Then let us begin,” The Master said.

The aura grew stronger around John’s sleeping form and Alan watched the boy relax into a deeper sleep. Pulling back the covers, he exposed John’s bruised torso, gasping at the feeling of pain his mind absorbed.

With trembling hands, Alan touched John’s chest and felt a radiant warmth spread from beneath his fingers. It suddenly felt as if his hands were on fire and he stared down at them, expecting the skin to char and burn away under his gaze. Slowly his hands moved up towards John’s battered face. And as he touched the palm of a hand on each of the boy’s cheeks, John sighed in his sleep and smiled.

A feeling of intense joy overcame him and Alan knew he had entered John’s mind. There was the echo of voices in his head and he realized it was John talking. The boy was dreaming and Alan began to see fragments of the images dancing behind his eyelids. Tall grass, a coppery sun and then himself staring down into John’s eyes. He was reading John’s thoughts.

“I believe this silly boy is falling in love with me,” John’s inner voice said, “I know what you’re after my beautiful one.”

And then through John’s ears he heard the sound of birds flying over. And John thought “How easy it would be to fly, Alan would love to fly with me. If I lay my head on his chest I would hear his heartbeat. Can you tell if someone is in love by listening to their heart? But he is so confusing, so confident and scary. If only he was as afraid of this love as I am.”

The memories were associated with the first day he and John had been together out at the Buddhist temple. Alan had been so infatuated with the boy and John seemed to know it. But of course, he knew it all along. Funny, back then it seemed he would never fall in love.

But then John’s eyes beheld him standing there in the tall grass and Alan saw himself in the light of new love, conceived in John’s mind the very moment their eyes met. He had touched something deep, some need John had.

Alan felt tears begin coursing down his cheeks as the shared dream focused on the instant their love was born. He watched as his arms reached down to the boy on the grass and he was pulled down into a magical embrace that would be etched in his mind forever.

And then he found himself embracing John as he lay on the blue silky sheets of their bed. No longer did he see a broken suffering boy, but before him a completely healed body. There was no sign of a single angry mark upon his smooth youthful flesh.

“Are you satisfied, my student?” Namkhai’s voice asked.

“I am in awe of the lesson,” Alan responded, wiping the tears from his face. “It is truly amazing, his body seems completely healed…how can I thank you?” Alan asked.

“It is not us that should be thanked,” The Master’s voice said. “You have performed the necessary task. The power of healing has always been a part of your gift. You have only needed our help to unlock that door.

“We will leave you now with only one caution. There will be much about the boy’s healing you will be asked to explain. Be careful who might learn the answers that only you can provide. Protect yourself from those who would learn the secrets of the Nine.”

“I will listen to the Master’s wisdom, but there are only two who will ask such questions,” Alan thought.

“And tomorrow there may be a hundred,” Namkhai’s voice called out.

He felt their presence fade from his mind and Alan found himself still caught up in the aura with John. It had all really happened. John’s body showed no sign of damage at all. Even the scars on his ear from a childhood injury were gone. The body had been cleansed of every blemish.

Alan felt that John’s mind was still open to him, like wind blowing across an open doorway it stood before him and yet he dared not enter there again. To trespass now would be unforgivable. Especially since John had always been so open and honest, what else would he find that he did not already know?

Instead, Alan lay himself down on the bed and it became the hot sands of their private beach. His mind went deep into the solitude of those long, curling waves crashing gently along the shoreline.

“John, can you hear me?” Alan asked the air before him.

“It’s so hot out here,” John replied.

“The warmth is meant to heal you, my love.”

“Yes…my body feels different now,” John said.

“I love every inch of that body too,” Alan said with a smile.

“It’s yours for the asking, anytime…anywhere.”

“How about we have intense sex on Rouse’s desk first thing on Monday morning, you get to be on top first,” Alan laughed.

“If you say so…only you could make it happen.”

“No, John, you’re wrong…only we make it happen. Now roll over and let me slap some lotion on your back.”

“I love you, Alan…I always will.”

“Me too…always,” Alan replied.

They slept on together for most of the day until finally Louie came to check on his patient. Alan was awakened when Louie shook him roughly.

“Wake up…you’re not going to believe this,” Louie said in a whisper.

“What time is it?” Alan asked quietly.

“Three o’clock, but look, the bruises are gone from John’s body…it’s nothing less than a miracle.”

“Louie…I have something to tell you,” Alan said a bit too loudly.

John was awakened by all the talking and after waiting in vain for a wave of pain glanced down at his body under the covers. He quickly sat up and stared in awe at them both.

“What? Oh, Alan…you did this?” John grabbed him and Alan felt the power in his hug that said he was fully recovered. Poor Louie, he was amazed that John could even move.

“I guess this will require some explanation, but it’s a long story,” Alan sighed.

John wouldn’t relinquish his hold on Alan for hours, which made their late brunch rather awkward. Louie was told all the details of their visit to the New York monastery and the discovery of Alan’s gift.

He was amazed and surprised at the new talents he now saw in his young friend. It was John’s turn to be amazed when Alan told of the gathering of minds and the healing power which had flowed through his hands. And once again he credited only Namkhai by name, there was no mention of Deeban. Louie finished his examination, confirming the fact that John’s body showed no signs of a beating.

They both sat back and stared at Alan like he was some kind of superhero, it became increasingly awkward and Alan had to bring a little reality back to their lives.

“I can tell you all about this but now you’re sworn to secrecy. If I thought you might tell someone else I have the power to remove the memory of this conversation completely. That’s not a threat, but I must protect myself and those who are my mentors.”

Alan wasn’t sure he could actually remove the knowledge but it seemed like a reasonable idea, who knew what he could actually do?

“My God, I spent all those years in medical school and I can’t do one tenth of what you did this morning,” Louie said. “How are we going to explain how fast John healed?”

“John will have to stay home from school for a while, I guess,” Alan said.

“Why? Think about it, nobody except the hospital and my parents knows about the

injuries. All I have to do is avoid those two groups of people,” John said. “And I won’t be going home anytime soon.”

“But I will,” Alan said. “I promised my Master that I would council your parents and show them the error of their ways.”

“You can’t do that,” John said, “my father might come after you.”

“Boy would that be a mistake,” Louie said, “Alan could stand him on his head in the middle of the highway.”

“I won’t do that, but he’s right, John. Your father cannot harm me and I don’t think he’ll want to. He blames me for all this and I intend to prove him wrong.”

“I can’t answer for him,” John said, “I don’t know him anymore.”

Alan looked over at Louie who took the hint and said he had to make a phone call. Alan led John into the living room and they sprawled on the couch.

“The healing process has cured the physical part of your problems,” Alan began. “But you might notice that you have no real emotional feelings towards your father. I pushed your mind into a neutral zone regarding him. My promise to the Master also included healing your mind as well as that of your parents.”

“You just seem to do whatever you want,” John said.

“Don’t be angry with me, John. I feel a sense of frustration building up inside of you. I’m not taking over your life.”

“But you already have sort of, haven’t you? You wave that magic wand and it all happens just the way you want it to.”

“You know me better than that, I do nothing for myself. All this has been about you and how much I care what happens in your life. If I don’t have your love then I don’t want this power to help us achieve our goals. And I mean that.

“You’re a patient person, John, you always have been. You need to show that patience, now more than ever. I want to talk to your mother right away, she needs to know you’re alright or she’ll worry herself to death.”

“Yeah, she will,” John agreed. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be angry with you.”

“Your father will come later, after he’s cooled down and realizes you’re the same person you were before the fight, the same son he’s always loved. Now he knows something that disturbs him greatly, his son is gay, and we both know that frightens him more than anything. We’re back to that trust factor again, John, you have to trust me. I would never do anything to hurt you.”

“You were inside my head this morning, I guess?”

“Namkhai said it would happen when I began the healing process, I’m sorry.”

“Well, about all you’d get are my silly fantasies anyway,” John smiled.

“I don’t have to enter your mind to know what you’re thinking when we’re together,” Alan said. “As for the rest, you’ve never hidden anything from me and I respect that. It’s part of what makes our love so intense. Just give me some time to work on these problems and trust me to do what’s best for the both of us…okay?”

“Okay,” John agreed. “Holy Cow, thanks to you I feel like a new man, let’s go back to bed.”

School on Monday followed the usual boring course until they got to Mr. Bell’s social studies class. John was ill at ease all morning but just grateful that no one knew what had happened in his life over the weekend. But he knew Alan was all excited about the SDS again which didn’t help his attitude. Those radicals didn’t fit in with his view of non-violent protest. Hadn’t Alan learned anything these past few months?

And that hurt, deep inside John felt pain whenever Alan strayed from the path. Namkhai would not be pleased, but then he was sure that the monk’s powers allowed him to look into their lives whenever he wished. Damn, why did love have to hurt so much?

Mr. Bell began the class with a short announcement.

“All right, people, settle down. I have a sad note on the current state of affairs. Martin Willis, Class of ‘65 was killed in action over the weekend. Martin was the star running back on our football team in 1965 and was one of my best students. I was sorry to hear about his death and thought I would share this with you.

“But the other tragic note I wanted to share was that our own Principal Rouse’s son was killed in action on the Mekong Delta last week. He was in the Navy and his boat capsized while trying to rescue civilian survivors of a Viet Cong raid on a small village.

“We all know of a friend or brother who was killed in this war. It never seems to hit home until someone close to you dies, no matter what you think of the cause. I know some of you are violently opposed to the war and others just sit by and hope your turn never comes.

“But you need to have special regard for a man who loses his son in a conflict such as this and I’m asking you all to walk quietly in the hallways this week. Principal Rouse is not the kind of man to share his grief publicly but he’s been very kind to you people and I’m asking you to return that favor.”

Alan and John looked at one another and shared a moment of guilt. Poor Rouse, his son had been both a source of pride and despair the past several weeks thanks to their interference.

“Shit, I didn’t know he was gonna die,” Alan whispered.

“We were too aggressive, damn it,” John mumbled back.

John gave a half-hearted oral report on social engineering. His mind was in such turmoil he couldn’t concentrate. The pages blurred before his eyes, the news of death stalking his thoughts. He stumbled back to his desk and caught the look of concern on Mr. Bell’s face.

Alan didn’t seem to notice the pain and followed with a rabble-rousing speech about how the military-industrial complex was pursuing an immoral war for monetary gain, his normal fare. For some reason the two boys weren’t on the same track today and Bell began to wonder why.

Steven Bell had seen a lot of students come and go in his seven years of teaching high school but he knew that John and Alan were unique. They had captured his attention long before bringing the Buddhist monk to his class assembly.

The monk had been simply wonderful with the students. Bell knew John’s Buddhist beliefs and had watched the quiet respect this elderly monk had shown to both boys. He was envious as his own Buddhist studies had suffered these past several years, his life filled with more and more things that demanded his attention.

It was a shame to watch them. John was one of his better students, too. Some kind of change seemed to be taking place in the boy and Bell hoped his schoolwork wouldn’t suffer.

Alan Sommers was a different matter altogether. He was the best student in any of Bell’s classes. His mind absorbed everything and he would have been an ideal student except that he seemed to dominate the rest of the class. The fact that he was an outspoken anti-war, wanna-be radical type didn’t faze Bell in the least. He loved students with strong opinions and the fire to defend them.

So it was quite a shock when he realized that Alan was probably gay and that John was his lover. Their deference to each other as friends spoke loudly of a certain physical sensuality that ran beneath the surface. Bell had watched the evolution of their relationship with curiosity and a little regret. Just as every man secretly mourns the loss of adolescence, he had enjoyed glimpsing the quick flashes of their love.

With a glance, John’s eyes would shine with an intensity of feeling towards the blond boy across the narrow aisle and Alan would turn his head with a smile. It was the weirdest thing too. Alan seemed like he could catch those thoughts, Bell had seen it time and again.

And then there was the strange light. A glow often seemed to surround them as they sat through his lectures. Bell had stood between those desks after class and stared up at the ceiling, where had the light come from?

It horrified him when he became aroused at their interplay. Oh Lord, he could never have an affair with a student. It happened occasionally in his profession, teachers who became involved with the children under their care and went too far. That would never happen to him, he was too focused on his love of teaching. Besides…his partner would kill him.

No, Steven Bell, social studies teacher and all around good guy had been closeted for most of his life and things would remain that way. His partner of four years was another professional, one who worked for the county government and made twice the salary. But Bell was the happier man, his students involved him in the subject he taught and he enjoyed watching their lives evolve.

Now as he watched the two boys leave his classroom, Bell frowned, he didn’t like the way Alan was becoming so indifferent to the feelings of others in this class. It was all right to be pro-activist but others had the right to speak up for their beliefs as well.

It was John who seemed the most stifled by Alan’s aggressiveness, as if he was almost afraid to defend his differing opinion. This did not bode well for what Bell imagined was a healthy and robust gay love affair. Ah, to be eighteen again and so full of life.

The impending confrontation with his parents only seemed to make John more depressed. He followed Alan out into the parking lot behind A wing. After Bell’s class, Alan was planning to cut the last period of the day and drive over to the Bateman house.

“Wish me luck?” Alan asked.

“Give Mom my love, will you? Are you sure you want to do this now, shouldn’t we wait…?”

“No waiting,” Alan said emphatically, “The feelings are all on the surface right where I can see them without having to play any games. I love you, John. This will turn out all right, trust me?”

“I do. Will you come by afterwards? I’ll be a crazy man until you tell me what happened.”

“Okay,” Alan laughed. John hugged him briefly since there were others wandering the asphalt lot. He watched as Alan drove off and heard the bell ring for sixth period.

There was no way he could go back into the building, and then he saw Mr. Bell standing at the door watching him.

“You’ll be late for class,” Bell called out and John didn’t care, he turned and ran across the lot towards the practice fields. Bell shook his head, he wouldn’t report the boy. He understood the need to be alone.

Alan gave the Bateman’s kitchen door a quiet knock and waited. Connie Bateman had always been open with him and Alan was counting on that now. If the woman would only accept his relationship with John then…the door opened.

“Alan…I’m…I’m glad you came,” Connie said and Alan could tell that at the moment she meant it.

“Hi, Mrs. B, do you have time to talk?”

“Sure, come on in, no one else is home.”

“I was counting on that,” Alan said.

Alan sat at the kitchen table and watched as she poured him a cup of coffee and another for herself. The pot was freshly brewed, almost as if she had been expecting him.

“John sends his love and doesn’t want you to worry about him,” Alan said.

She paused at the stove, her shoulders sagging and Alan was afraid she might begin crying. But the moment seemed to pass and he watched her shoulders square as she turned to him with a smile.

“Thank you for telling me that,” She said. “I didn’t see what my husband did to him when they fought, he ran out of here so fast I didn’t get to…” Her hands began to tremble and Alan took the cups from her and placed them on the table.

“I’m sorry,” She said. “His father has such an awful temper sometimes but even he was shocked when John didn’t fight back.”

“He wouldn’t, Mrs. B, he can’t. I understand his beliefs much better now and he’s become afraid of his capacity for violence. I think he let his father beat him to teach the Sergeant a lesson,” Alan said.

“But that makes no sense…” She began.

“Sure it does. I’ll bet the Sergeant feels guilty as hell right now, doesn’t he?”

“He hasn’t slept in two days…yes, he feels guilt.”

“Once those feelings come out in the open the healing can begin,” Alan said. “I was hoping we could all sit down and talk about it.”

“Oh, I don’t know if that would be a good thing right now,” Connie said.

“He won’t be able to hit John again, I assure you. I think John felt guilty enough about his relationship with me to take the punishment, the next time he won’t. I think the Sergeant knows he will have to be reasonable. John could hurt him otherwise. Despite his beliefs I don’t think he’ll allow his father to best him again. I don’t want to see anyone else get hurt, I won’t allow it.”

She stared at his face and sipped her coffee before placing the cup down gently on the saucer.

“You really love him, don’t you?” She asked.

“As much as you do,” Alan replied. “I came here to answer any questions you might have about us. I’m sure John would want me to be totally honest.”

“Do your parents know?”

“No…not yet. I’ve been waiting for the right time to tell them. I know my mother will feel the worst about it. She has some pretty strong religious feelings. My dad will want to know when I first knew and wonder if he’s at fault. It’s all pretty senseless, I’ve always been what I am, I’ve known since I was a child.”

“Has John…”

“I think it’s better if he told you the whole story but I think he’s known he was different for a long time. It’s not something a boy can easily discuss with his parents, I’m sure you see that.”

“I’m afraid for him,” She said, “The things I read…”

“Aren’t always true, but some of it is,” Alan said. “I don’t know how to make you understand that what we have is no different than the love you share with your husband. We’re just two people who have discovered that life is better when we’re together. I think John is the most amazing person I’ve ever met. I don’t think anything could keep us apart.”

Connie gave him a brief smile. “I remember what it was like to fall in love. I haven’t always been a wife and mother, I was seventeen once. It’s just that you boys have such a hard road ahead, your homosexuality won’t be accepted by a lot of people.”

“And that’s why we have each other,” Alan said. “John and I have many gay friends. It’s almost like having a second family. Maybe before you start worrying I should tell you that John is staying with a dear friend of ours, he’s a doctor. The Sergeant did quite a lot of damage during the fight but John is healing very well, he’s back in school already.”

She seemed relieved to hear the news so Alan went on.

“His life will go on without his father if that’s the way it has to be. But I thought you and I might have a chance to bring your family back together. I’m sure it won’t happen overnight, the feelings are much too strong right now between them.

“The Sergeant needs to get some distance from this. He needs to reach an understanding of what it means to have a gay son. I think it’s better if John continues to live away for a while, he’s well taken care of I assure you.”

Connie reached across the table and took his hand. Alan gazed into her face and felt the fear behind those eyes. He could have so easily cast his thoughts across the gap between them and entered her mind but he hesitated, maybe he wouldn’t need to, she was already on his side.

“Tell me what it’s like for you, Alan. How do you survive being gay?”

“It’s easy now, Mrs. B…I have John’s love.”

But he didn’t stop there. He told her about their self-discovery and the moment when they fell in love. Choosing his words carefully, he described how it felt to be with John up at the monastery in New York. Warming to the task, Alan told her how John had felt a void for most of his life, avoiding the question of sexuality and submerging his feelings in favor of a belief, a philosophy of life.

It was this openness to understanding that had brought them together in the first place. Connie sat quietly and nodded in agreement, she understood her son only too well. Alan wrote down Louie’s phone number and handed it over.

“Maybe you’d like to call him after I leave, he’s terribly afraid that you’ll reject him too.”

“No…never. I love all my sons equally, Alan. Maybe I worry more about John because he’s the youngest, but I would never push him away because he’s different. It just makes me sad that his father isn’t made of stronger stuff. I won’t pretend to understand how gay relationships work but if you love someone you have to accept their faults or it destroys all the good you’ve made together.”

“I knew I could count on you, Mrs. B.”

It was the beginning of Connie Bateman’s education about the gay world her son had chosen to enter and she couldn’t have had a better teacher. Alan began at the beginning,

describing the gay family that had formed around them and the support they received from all their friends. It was almost five o’clock when the conversation wound down, the Sergeant would be home soon.

“I’d better go,” Alan said.

“Thank you, Alan. I know you’re doing this for John’s sake but you’ve made me feel a lot better too,” Connie replied.

“It’s important to both of us, Mrs. B. We each have a family to keep together.”

“You’ll always be a part of my family, Alan.”

“Thanks…Mom,” Alan said.

She gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek and as he opened the door to leave she reached for the phone to call John. It had all gone so well, he thought, but then he had been sure of her feelings before he began. The Sergeant was going to be the tough nut to crack, but now he had an ally.

Alan pulled into Louie’s driveway and wondered if John’s conversation with his mother had gone well, he even didn’t have to ask. He opened the front door and John tackled him in the front hallway, smothering him with kisses as they fell to the floor. He gave John two points for the takedown.

Two weeks later Louie threw a big birthday party for John at the only decent Japanese restaurant in town. The whole restaurant was decorated for the private party and the staff seemed pleased that the evening was dedicated to one group of patrons. Alan wondered how much this was costing Louie but laughed it off when he saw Ta Ta and his sister on the guest list, John would be pleased.

Louie had promised John a special guest and sent Alan off on the errand. It was one of the few times that Louie had let him drive the Mustang. It felt so good behind the wheel Alan admitted to himself that he immediately wanted one. Connie looked so nervous when he picked her up at the Plaza that he didn’t think she would ever let go of his hand.

“I almost told John I was coming when he called last night,” She said, “but I couldn’t spoil the surprise.”

“I think he suspects anyway,” Alan replied. “Are you nervous about seeing him or is it our gay crowd?”

“Both, I’m sure,” She laughed. “If they’re all as nice as you then I shouldn’t be worried at all, should I?”

“No, Mom, you have nothing to fear,” Alan said.

There was a tearful reunion between mother and son that left the crowd staring into their drinks around the bar. John introduced his mother to everyone, including Ta Ta who was dressed to kill in a suit and tie this evening, a rarity Louie assured them.

Connie had especially kind words for Louie and thanked him profusely for taking care of her son. Alan had never seen Louie blush so deeply. Or Ta Ta be so gracious for that matter. It was as if the gay family understood their place in getting Connie and John back together.

The dinner went off without a hitch, birthday cake and all. Then Louie and several of the guests retired to the bar, leaving John and Alan alone with their collective Mom. She watched as her son held Alan’s hand. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world for them to be doing.

“Your friends are nice people,” She said. “I can’t help but notice that they’re all much older, don’t you boys have any friends your own age?”

“You want to take this one, John?” Alan asked.

“Sure. Mom, we know there are other gay teens out there…somewhere. At least you have some idea how hard it’s been for the both of us and I imagine we’re the lucky ones. There is no place in our society for young gays. It took Alan a long time to be accepted by these people. Older gay men are afraid of us, maybe we remind them of their own tortured youth, I don’t know. I do know that there are other boys and girls out there who have no one to turn to, it’s the harshest phase in gay life.”

“That’s awful, how can we be so cruel?”

“Too many people think of it as a disease or the result of child abuse. Worse yet, some believe that gays can be changed into heterosexuals. Society is sadly mistaken if they even think I’d want to change,” Alan said.

“Is anybody doing something about it?” Connie asked.

“A few ministers in the District are trying to reach out to the kids, but as John said, the adults are scared of the law. The politics of the situation need to change first. Mr. Devine’s sister knows of several young kids who have committed suicide rather than come out.”

“Then let me help, find out who I can talk to,” Connie said.

“You mean that, Mom?” John asked.

“I certainly do. Just because you’re different than other kids doesn’t mean you’re any less in the eyes of God. This whole thing has opened my eyes, John. I have you both to thank for that. Maybe I can get myself certified as a social worker. That might finally give some meaning to the MFA I earned in college.”

“In that case maybe you’d better talk with Ta…uh, Mr. Devine, he has all the contacts in the world,” Alan said.

“You’re the most wonderful mom a kid could have,” John said.

“Ditto that,” Alan agreed.

Alan drove them all back to the Plaza so Connie could pick up her car. She hugged them both before she left and they were both very proud of her. John snuggled into Alan’s arms once they got back in the car and hugged him for the longest time.

“This is the best day of my new life,” He said. “I just wish my dad had been there.”

“Your father will come around. He’ll have no choice if he wants his family together again. Your mother is a very strong woman, she’ll make him understand. I won’t have to push.”

“Do you ever think about us and the future?” John asked. “I almost wish we could be married.”

“Are you proposing to me?” Alan asked.

“I would if things were different. Here I am…eighteen and I’m beginning to feel like a man already. I want the same things every man wants. Don’t you want a family of your own?”

“I guess, but in case you haven’t noticed we aren’t gonna have any pregnancies here,” Alan chuckled.

“We could adopt kids. I just want to spend the rest of my life in love with you.”

“How about we wait a while before having kids? At least until we graduate college. Besides, I’m enjoying what we have right now, I don’t want to share,” Alan replied.

“Whatever you say, dear. Can we go home now? I want to show you how much I love you.”

Chapter Fourteen

The end of the school year was in sight. With only a few days remaining before finals both boys were looking forward to graduation. Alan and John had chosen to attend the University of Maryland together so they could remain close to their families. So far a Liberal Arts curriculum seemed to be a good choice. What other major did guys choose when they had no clue what to study?

They both knew that Alan would succeed if he chose to be a brain surgeon or a professional poker player. It was an unfair advantage that the Inner Eye’s power granted him. He could memorize almost anything he saw and call it back up in a moment’s notice.

But that had worried them both. To give Alan a lower profile they carefully chose which assignments he wouldn’t complete just to keep his grades reasonably normal looking. Alan was maintaining a low A average this way, good enough for a more prestigious college if he wanted.

John on the other hand was an above average student. But because his father was still unable to come to grips with having a gay son, John seemed distracted. The Liberal Arts thing was a dodge, a draft dodge to be exact. They would both have to choose a real major within the first year of study.

But there was at least joy in their lives. John’s mother had followed through on her commitment by becoming involved in the outreach program for gay youth. In fact, John was very proud of the way she had accepted his new friends. Alan described her as an angel of mercy.

Introducing her to the flamboyant Miss Ta Ta, aka. William Devine, and his sister, had worried them a bit but Connie seemed to love meeting them both. John was sure that Mitch Devine was the first lesbian his mom had ever met. But they had a common cause in advancing the youth program.

It was Bill who introduced Connie to the Reverend Melvin Baker, pastor of the District Community Church. The DCC was the only Christian organization in the area with a gay youth program and they could afford to have it because of Bill’s generosity.

The fact that six of the eight kids in the program were black did nothing to divert her feelings. The Army life had taught her to be color blind. And besides, she knew these were kids in conflict just like her son.

So while most mothers were involved in PTA, holding bake sales for the Little League or chaperoning school dances, Connie found herself side by side with drag queens working on raising funds for a gay community center. John worried that it might widen the gulf in her relationship with his father.

If anything, it gave Connie the ammunition she needed to put her husband in his place. She confided that the Sergeant was aware of her community work and had initially been upset. But then she told John that she had caught his father reading some of the literature the good Reverend Baker had been printing about the lives of his kids.

“Give him some more time, John. I know he misses you,” Connie said.

“I’m not asking him to accept me. That would be asking too much. I just want him to understand that I have my own life to lead. If he wants to be a part of it then he’ll forget the past, learn to care about bringing our family back together and realize that I have brought Alan into the family. At least our part of it.”

“He will, let me work on him. I think you’re being very mature and reasonable. He’s the one being childish. Maybe I should paddle him,” Connie laughed.

John smiled at the thought. “Only if all of us get to watch, especially Frank.”

High school graduation was a big event in the Sommers house, less so for the Bateman family. But Connie came to the ceremony accompanied by Brandon and that gave John great joy. He had wondered when his brothers would realize something was wrong at home. One look told him that Brandon was very aware and not at all pleased.

Over a glass of punch in the school cafeteria Brandon put it to his little brother.

“I just had no idea, John. All those years we did those crazy things in the closet and you were gay?”

“It’s not like I understood it back then. I wasn’t lusting after you, Brand.”

“You didn’t know, Mom told me that much. When did you find out?”

“I had weird feelings when I was young. I couldn’t talk about it, especially not with you or Frank. Maybe because Dad was such a straight arrow I felt guilty about it. But then I met Alan.”

“I just don’t know what to say,” Brand replied.

“How about you still love your little brother? Can you still say that?”

“No, I’ll go that one step further. I’m proud of my little brother,” Brand said. “You stood up to the Old Man when I never could. You followed your heart and fell in love. At least Mom says he’s a wonderful guy and that’s good enough for me. Nothing has changed between us. I still love you as much as I always have, John. Well, except maybe now we don’t have any secrets between us.”

“Would you like to meet him?”

“Yes…yes I would,” Brand said. “But first, congratulations on graduating today. I imagine the Old Man is sitting at home in that rocking chair feeling closer to death because of this. Not that I wish him any ill will, mind you, it’s just so damn funny to think about.”

“Thank you, Brand. You made my day.”

Their hug was interrupted by the approach of a long haired blond boy. Brand looked up and Alan caught his eye.

“You must be Brandon,” Alan said.

“Yes, and congratulations to you too,” Brandon said.

“Brand, this is Alan,” John said as the two shook hands.

Brandon smiled. “I just want you both to know that I support what you have together. I have a few, ah, gay friends at the University. I can’t say I ever understood anything about this until my little brother here came out, did I say that right?” John nodded. “But Mom has explained it to me and I want you to know I’m comfortable with it. If John is happy then I’m happy.”

“So if John is unhappy then I get my ass kicked?” Alan laughed.

“And don’t you forget it,” Brand said, they all laughed at the joke.

Connie found the three of them laughing together and that made her day complete. If John had felt on the outs with his family Brandon had assured him that he was back in, at least with the ones that shared his love.

In the following days Alan and John began to spend time out at the monastery preparing for the Buddhist march on Washington, which was now only two weeks away. The SDS had decided to schedule their rally for September, after the Democratic Party Convention in August. John was trying to prepare himself to accept Alan’s desire to participate in that event.

The SDS had become way too radical for him to accept them anymore as a legitimate protest group. Their confrontations were continually taking on a violent tone that he found abhorrent. Why didn’t Alan with all his gifts see the potential for danger?

Then as if there wasn’t enough going on, Terry Brown called and left a message on the answering machine.

“I was just wondering if you and John had some free time tomorrow. Just thought we could go out to Great Falls and climb the rocks. Call me back tonight if you want to go,” Terry said. “I think Brad wants to come along, too, he asks about you all the time. Well, talk to you later…bye.”

Alan wasn’t sure what they were getting into. “It might be fun to do something different, John. Do you think it’s all right? I want you and Terry to know each other better.”

“Sure, I’ll go,” John said. “But who is Brad?”

“Terry’s little brother. Interestingly enough, he may turn out to be part of our gay community.”

“Uh oh, I have a bad feeling about this,” John said.

“Hell’s bells, John, I’m not going to let a thirteen year old kid into my life. If he does swing that way we’ll hand him off to Connie. Is that okay with you?”

“Saved by my mother,” John laughed.

Alan wasn’t sure he wanted to go, but he’d been dying to have a chat with Terry for a while now, maybe it was time to let that happen. They agreed to meet in Lot Four by the lock on the C & O canal. Terry offered to bring lunch and Alan was to bring the drinks.

The drive down Falls Road gave Alan a chance to explain Terry’s little brother and what he suspected about the relationship between the two Brown boys. John wasn’t shocked, after all he and Brandon had explored sex together when they were growing up.

“I’m almost afraid it’s more than that,” Alan said. “Terry was always pretty weird about his sexual feelings and I suspect that he and Brad did an awful lot more than you did with Brandon. I think it’s sad actually, Terry should have known better then to exploit his little brother.”

“Well from what you’ve said, Brad seems like a naughty little boy anyway,” John said.

“I never said he was naughty, it’s just that he seems so out of control with his feelings. Maybe it doesn’t matter what they did together, but it still makes me uncomfortable,” Alan replied.

“It’s about Tommy, isn’t it?” John said. “When are you going to stop feeling guilty about that relationship? I don’t think you manipulated that boy. He honestly loved you, maybe even as much as I do. Besides, you were both brand new to some pretty strong feelings, it was all about discovery.”

“When did you become so wise?” Alan laughed.

“Probably from hanging around with you, lover boy,” John replied.

Alan pulled into the parking lot and they found Terry and Brad waiting. John shook hands with Terry and realized the emotions they each carried were pretty strong. They hiked out along the canal towards the walk-bridge that would lead them towards the Potomac and a view of the falls.

Alan never tired of seeing the incredible rush of water through the narrow gorge. It was always such an awesome display of nature’s power. But too many people were fooled into thinking they could brave the rapids in a kayak. Every summer there were stories of bodies washing up on the shore downstream, he decided to keep an eye on Brad.

After several hours spent climbing in the rocks above the cascading waters they found a quiet spot to sit and have lunch. They could see across the river to the Virginia side where a group of college girls were also having a picnic. The girls waved and they waved back. Brad took it up a notch and dropped his pants to moon them. One of the girls pulled up her shirt and gave him a view of her breasts in reply.

Brad suggested he might go over there and meet the girls. The poor kid was crushed when told that there was no bridge to the other side. That exchange with the girls seemed to set the tone and they laughed about it for the rest of the afternoon. But Alan and Terry had come here to talk and so they took a hike along the canal while John and Brad climbed up in the rocks.

As they sat on the highest point above the falls Brad produced a joint and lit it up.

“You party with Terry, too?” John asked.

“Shit, I have better sources for weed than he does,” Brad laughed. “I know you don’t approve, do you?”

“I don’t need it anymore, there are better highs. What are you going into, eighth grade? If you keep smoking you’ll be just another burnout before you get to high school. Why doesn’t Terry try and stop you, is he afraid to?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Brad said. John was surprised when the boy stubbed out the joint and threw it off the cliff into the swirling waters below. “I know all about you and Alan so you don’t have to treat me like a little kid, okay? Terry and I have had sex too. It’s just that I have needs and so does he. I don’t see it as a bad thing, we both loved it.”

“But he got you into something you can’t fully understand. At your age you’ve already experienced more than you should have, how are you going to fulfill all the desires you have now?” John asked.

“Hey, we’re up here all alone…do you wanna?” Brad said suggestively.

“Cut me some slack, Brad. You’re not gay, just oversexed. Maybe I can teach you a few things to control that emotion. Have you ever heard of yoga?”

It was almost an hour later when they heard Alan and Terry climbing up the rocks to meet them. John laughed inwardly, maybe Alan had become worried about leaving him and the little sex machine alone together.

John looked across at Brad, who was sitting in the lotus position, his bare shoulders reddened by their day in the sun. The boy was still mumbling the chant he had been taught, his eyes closed and a look of contentment on his face.

“Hey guys,” Terry called as he pulled himself up on the boulder, “What’s that you’re doing?”

“Meditation, it’s awesome,” Brad ventured. “It’s like mind control.”

Alan gave John a smile. He was amused at this approach to the kid’s problems.

“Terry tells me he’s already joined the SDS. He’s going to help plan the rally this fall,” Alan said, “So we’ve decided to go together.”

“Isn’t that great?” Terry said, oblivious to look of distaste on John’s face. “I sure want to be there, I got hooked last year. Alan was there too but we didn’t see each other in that crowd. I wish we could really give the movement a push, we need something dramatic to grab a few headlines.”

“I’m sure you’ll think of something,” John said. “How about we head home, we’ve all been out in the sun too much already.”

“Yeah, sure,” Alan said. He knew John wasn’t happy, but couldn’t blame Terry’s enthusiasm.

“This has been great fun, how about we do it again next weekend?” Terry suggested.

“Sorry, we’ll have to wait. Next week is the Buddhist rally on the Mall, do you want to come?” Alan asked.

“Uh, I don’t think that would be my kind of event,” Terry said. “But we’ll do something on the Fourth, right?”

“Oh, yeah, I don’t want to miss that party,” Alan said.

“I’ll go if my Mom lets me,” Brad chimed in. “Can I go, will you let me?”

John smiled, “Ask your mom first, then you can go.”

“Cool,” Brad said.

Terry shook his head. He didn’t understand his little brother’s enthusiasm, he never would.

The Buddhist delegation from the New York monastery arrived the following Thursday so Alan and John drove down to the bus station to meet them. How impressive they looked to the small crowd that had arrived to welcome them. Eleven monks in orange robes and half as many novices filed off the bus at the station on New York Avenue.

The crowd of commuters stopped to gawk at the sight as the men began piling into rented vans for the trip out to the Potomac temple. Louie had volunteered some space in his home if several of them needed a bed, but they had chosen to sleep together at the temple. Even though that meant they would sleep on the floor in the community room, they were a tight knit group.

Alan was happy to see the Rinpoche who looked tired after the long journey. Namkhai greeted them with joy and apologized for Deeban who had not made the trip.

“He is too old for such excitement and is sad to miss his star pupils,” Namkhai said. “But he will be here with us in spirit.”

“I shall miss seeing his face…” Alan began when a hand touch his shoulder.

He turned to find Joshua’s smiling face staring down at him. John had been watching the boy stand patiently, waiting his turn for Alan’s attention. Alan’s face pressed gently against Josh’s shoulder as they hugged.

“I have missed you,” Josh said, his eyes sparkling. “I have missed you both,” He said, placing a hand on John’s shoulder.

Letters had passed between them on a regular basis these past several months and the news of the Josh’s reunion with his brother had gladdened Alan’s heart.

“I brought a surprise,” Josh said, and he stood aside to reveal Paul standing behind him. Alan was amazed when the man hugged him as well.

“I have so much to thank you for,” Paul said as he hugged John.

“You see, Master Alan, the Path has been found by another traveler,” Namkhai said.

They made the drive north to the temple for the big dinner that Dulan had planned. John sat in the back and talked with Paul while Josh rode shotgun. There was much news to be shared and everyone was excited about the rally.

Two hundred and thirty-five people gathered on the lawn before the temple and prayed before sharing a meal. This was only a portion of the monks and nuns who had traveled to Washington for the big rally on Saturday. There were thousands scattered across the Metropolitan area, staying in temples and private homes as they arrived from across the country.

The energy of the event was building and John could see Alan was gaining strength in preparation. It was as if the mere presence of so many like-minded people allowed him to draw on their energy. They sat with Namkhai and Dulan while the Rinpoche spoke with them in Tibetan. John was lost but knew Alan was focusing his powers and understood every word they said. It was just another amazing accomplishment that he had come to understand.

“It is best that the Master not be present for this event,” Namkhai began, “He has not been feeling well.”

“Do you think there might be any difficulty with the authorities?” Dulan asked.

“No, we have the proper permits and they view this as a religious gathering, there will be no trouble,” The Rinpoche said. “But I suggest that if there is any display of force that we greet it with kindness, we shall simply sit down in the street.”

Namkhai looked over at him and Alan realized that he was expected to contribute to the discussion. He knew that if he opened his mouth that the words would not come out in the Tibetan language so he cast his response into the minds of the others.

“I was hoping that we might give a display of power through our prayers,” His mind spoke.

“I understand what you are asking,” Namkhai’s mind told him directly, “But it would certainly reveal our presence, don’t you think?”

“Not if it affects the entire group,” Alan thought with a smile.

“There will be cameras,” Dulan said.

“They are only things and sometimes they fail to operate properly,” Alan suggested with a thought.

Namkhai raised an eyebrow, “Have you learned this is possible?”

“You have seen the effects of the aura, I don’t believe that cameras will be able to penetrate the wall I might build,” Alan suggested.

“Then we must try what you suggest, it will focus our efforts greatly.” The Rinpoche spoke aloud. Namkhai and Alan bowed to his wishes.

John asked what had been said, “Strategy, that’s all,” Alan replied. “They’re worried the authorities might present problems with what we’ve planned.”

“What plans?” John asked.

“It’s nothing I can describe since it’s never happened before. But it will be special, wait and you’ll see. I will need every bit of your ability and focus to make it happen.”

It was the first time Alan had shut him out and at first John felt angry. After all, he had brought Alan here to these people, why couldn’t he know what was going on? But if Alan had been told not to say anything then he was only being the obedient student before his teacher. Who was he to question that loyalty?

On Saturday morning, at the auspicious hour of nine o’clock, the National Mall began to fill with the holy men and women from across the nation. Thousands came to pray that the government would stop the war. Alan and John had been up since dawn, too excited to sleep any longer.

Brad was asleep in the back seat as they drove down Sixteenth Street towards the White House. John was a bit embarrassed that the boy had latched on to him so strongly. Alan had even teased him about his new playmate but then they both looked upon it as a means of saving the boy from himself.

Their little Buddhist groupie had become serious about understanding the philosophy so

quickly that John was reminded of himself at that age. It would do no harm to allow the boy to fill a void in his life and Alan had agreed.

They had to park several blocks away from the Mall and walk further downtown. The sidewalks around them were filled with supporters of the anti-war cause. The local media attention to the rally had begun to swell their ranks. Crossing over to Fourteenth Street, they came in sight of the Mall but instead of green grass all they saw were the masses of orange robes and thousands of well-wishers.

“Oh wow,” Brad squealed with delight, “This is awesome.”

“All these people are here for the rally,” John said, “It couldn’t have turned out better.”

“Yes,” Alan said, “This will be our greatest triumph.”

John didn’t understand what he meant but was distracted when Brad yelled, “This is so cool, thanks for bringing me.”

There were protest signs against the war scattered throughout the crowd and surrounding the small stage set up across from the Natural History Museum. No one had thought it would get this big, Alan hoped that the sound system was adequate. It was like wading through people, everyone smiling at each other with the joyful feeling of the common cause that had brought them to this place. They found the New York delegation standing beside the stage.

“Ah, the young masters have arrived, this is most exciting,” The Rinpoche said. “It speaks well for the hard work we have all put forth these past several months.”

“It feels great,” John said. “Don’t you love it when a plan comes together like this? Brad, this is the abbot of the monastery I told you about. You may call him Rinpoche. Master, may I introduce you to Brad Brown? He is just beginning to seek the wisdom of the Buddha.”

Brad bowed low like John had taught him and the Rinpoche’s eyes sparkled,

“Greetings, Master Brad, all are welcome on the Path to Enlightenment. I would say that you have chosen a wise teacher in Master John.”

“Thank you, sir,” Brad stammered. It was plain that he was in awe of the elder monk dressed in his voluminous orange robes.

Alan and Namkhai were staring out across the crowd which began to sit down in the grass before the stage. Police on foot and horseback moved up and down along the streets. John stood behind them and looked at the media trucks parked on Twelfth Street, cameras pointed towards the stage. All the local networks had sent crews to cover the story.

“This is a most impossible task you have set for us,” John heard Namkhai say.

“It’s just the kind of challenge we need to make it succeed, don’t you think?” Alan responded.

“This teacher is being greatly challenged by his student,” Namkhai chuckled, “Why do I feel that you are testing me?”

“It is no test, the power is real. It is only a matter of faith. And look at these people. They believe…how can we do less?”

“I have much to learn from you, Master Alan,” Namkhai said. “Shall we begin the program?”

They found room in front and the Rinpoche placed Brad between himself and John. The boy looked around in wonder. John smiled, he was in wonder too, wondering what was about to happen. Knowing Alan he assumed it would be big, big enough to cause quite a stir.

The sound of a bell rang out across the crowd who became silent. Several speakers intoned the wisdom of the Buddha and urged the crowd to pray for everlasting peace in our time. The monks began a chant to focus the energy of the assembled and the Mall filled with the words for divine guidance.

John knew something big was going to happen only because Alan took his hand at that point and squeezed him so hard he thought his fingers would be crushed. John in turn held Brad’s hand and the Rinpoche followed their lead. Soon there was hand holding throughout the crowd. It seems that this was the moment they had chosen.

Alan, Brad and John sat amidst a sea of orange robes. Through Alan’s hand John could feel the energy level rise. And then it began as he knew it would.

Suddenly the air around them became thick and from nowhere a curtain of white mist seemed to grow, surrounding the crowd on all sides. Alan smiled against the strain of maintaining this cloak of secrecy but he pushed himself to keep it in place.

John felt the surges of power pass through his hand, to Brad, the Rinpoche…and throughout the crowd. Then without warning they all began to rise. Thousands upon thousands of the faithful rose off the ground and the sound of the chant became almost deafening.

There were gasps of awe from amidst the crowd but the monks persisted, the chant continued. Namkhai and Alan, servants of the Nine, along with Deeban in far off New York and his circle of powerful Masters around the world maintained the levitation for almost a full minute.

It was a triumph of the spirit and a display of power unequaled in the history of the non-violent movement. Unfortunately, the television screens of those watching live across America went white in a haze of static noise.

Finally, a simple thought shared by the makers of this wondrous display. “It is done.” And the Masters of power relaxed the levitation. The mist slowly evaporated and on the fringes of the crowd the police were seen running around, unsure of what had just transpired. Namkhai turned to smile at Alan but he had already collapsed in John’s arms.

The chant continued for another fifteen minutes. The crowd was still trying to figure out what had happened. It was long enough for Alan to regain enough strength to stand. Even with John’s arms around him he stumbled as he walked slowly behind the stage and sat on a chair.

“That was incredible,” John said, kneeling beside him, “Did you feel…” And there he stopped, the realization of what had just transpired coming over him. “Oh, Alan, you did it, didn’t you? You and Namkhai…it was unbelievable. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Alan looked down at him and smiled, “I didn’t know if it would work, I didn’t want you to doubt me. If you had then surely it would have failed. We made it happen together.”

They held each other for the longest time before going to join the celebration. Their bond had forged what was to become the biggest mystery in Washington that year. Brad was dancing around in circles with dozens of people in the crowd. The Rinpoche and several monks stood clapping along with the beat of a drum.

This was an occasion for great joy. The crowd would finally disperse to their homes, each with a different take on what had happened this day. But the message was clear, the Buddhist movement was strong, the event a great success. Stop the war.

They sat on the couch at Louie’s later that evening to catch the news, it didn’t matter what channel because the story was everywhere.

“The Buddhist gathering on the Mall in Washington today was marred by a technical glitch in the media coverage. For almost a full minute, a burst of electromagnetic energy caused distortion of the television coverage of this event. Technical experts are helpless to explain the failure of the camera equipment on every major network that was attempting to cover this story.

“Here at WTTG-TV, we would like to apologize to the thousands of you who tuned in to witness the latest protest of the Vietnam conflict here in Washington. At least the thousands of Buddhists and their followers who attended the rally seemed energized by the day’s events. We go now to Clarence Walker who interviewed some of today’s participants…”

John switched off the television.

“They did it, Louie, they blacked out the television at the moment of our greatest triumph. Alan and Namkhai used their powers to levitate the entire crowd and hid it from the world, it was awesome.”

“I’ve always known you were capable of something special. Am I right, Alan?”

They both looked down and saw that Alan was fast asleep. He’d missed the newscast about the event. He didn’t need to see it anyway; Alan already knew what they had accomplished.

Louie tucked a blanket around the sleeping boy and turned to find John in tears.

“Oh, baby, what’s the matter?” Louie asked.

“I love him so much it scares me,” John sobbed.

Louie led him into garden and sat holding John until the tears subsided.

“You’re new at this, John. I guess you have to remember that Alan has some experience at love,” Louie began. “He’s taken you to places in your heart and mind where nothing existed before. When we were children, life was all about ourselves and love was something we felt for our parents. But then you met Alan and he earned your love, something you both gladly gave and received in return. Suddenly everything seems so right, your world revolves around Alan and the love you share.

“But along with that came the fear that you might also lose him. Alan knows what that feels like; it devastated him for a long time. But you became his redemption, his reason to live, and look what he’s done with that life.”

“But, Louie, he has such an awesome strength, he could have anything he wants…”

“And you wonder why he chose you? Is that what this is all about?” Louie asked.

“Yes…” John sighed.

“You just can’t see it like I do,” Louie smiled. “The way he looks at you when you’re together, the things he says that tell me you’re always close to his thoughts. I’ve seen the change in him. He’s no longer the boy who couldn’t find a reason to live. He’s a man in love.

“I worried about him, you know. There was a time when we first met that I thought about calling his parents and having them put a suicide watch on him. It comes down to that for so many kids who don’t have a lifeline or the will to find one. It became my fate to be that lifeline for Alan and thank God I took that responsibility seriously. I don’t think he’ll want to lose what he has with you, it’s too precious.”

“I sometimes wonder if he still has feelings for Terry, I mean it would be all right if they didn’t get too close…”

“Alan can still love others, but he will never feel for them the way he loves you. I think Alan is still trying to re-write his past and that’s why this thing with Terry has come back into his life. Okay, I know they are into this radical protest thing together, but that’s the main attraction. I also think that Terry is a lost soul and Alan can’t resist trying to help the boy.”

“It scares me, they could get hurt, Louie.”

“Alan doesn’t like violence any more than you, kiddo. Political protest is very much an American pastime, like baseball, football and tea parties. He has to believe he can make a difference otherwise he wouldn’t be involved. What you did on the Mall today only re-enforces those feelings, it was about sheer power. I think Alan has felt powerless so often that he needs these little displays to validate his life.”

“Am I just a part of that display?” John asked.

“No, don’t ever think that. He’s really doing all this for you, in his own way he’s trying to protect what he has with you.”

“I feel foolish…”

“Ah, the first sign of unmitigated love, we play the fool. Nothing you ever feel, not one single emotion in your entire miserable life will ever be as strong and enduring as what you feel now. First love is the most joyous time of your life, John…try and enjoy it. And that’s an order.”

“I love you too, Louie…thanks,” John said.

“I never knew I’d be a mother hen before I even hit forty, but you boys have certainly handed me the role on a silver platter. Let’s wake sleeping beauty and send him off to bed. He’ll get more rest if he doesn’t flake out on my lovely couch.”

It took Alan several days to recover fully from the effort his mind had used to create what was now being described as a miracle on the National Mall. By then the newspapers were full of stories and interviews about the Buddhist event and what had transpired. Generally, there was great disbelief that anything like levitation had actually occurred. Experts of all kinds were interviewed but not one Buddhist monk would talk to the media. By then they had all returned to the solitude of their monastic lives.

There was a considerable groundswell from the actual event. Some of the anti-war protesters had taken up permanent residence in Lafayette Park across from the White House. Alan felt proud of his efforts and John was hoping he might forget about the SDS rally. But he began to spend increasing amounts of time with Terry and John was left wondering what they were planning.

It was Brad who first gave him a clue that something was brewing. The boy had become more interested in the Buddhist philosophy and John encouraged that desire for knowledge. Louie’s house was only three blocks off the nearest bus route and Brad could make it over from his house with little effort.

Alan and John had been up all night over at the vet hospital with Louie while a German Shepard bitch gave birth with great difficulty. Their efforts were rewarded with seven beautiful puppies but the mother had died at dawn. It was a sad occasion but they consoled themselves with cleaning the pups and mixing formula for their first feeding. It was times like this that the three of them felt like a real family, crisis management seemed to be Louie’s specialty.

John had gone back to the house to shower while Alan and Louie stayed on to feed the babies. He pulled into the driveway only to find Brad perched on the front stoop.

“Hey, where you been?” The boy asked.

“At the vets,” John began and told him of the night’s events. “But what are you doing here so early, hell, it’s only seven o’clock.”

“We were going to look at birds this morning, or have you forgotten?” Brad asked.

“Oh, Brad…I’m sorry. Tell you what, let me get a few hours of sleep and we’ll hit the zoo, they have a huge collection of birds in the aviary.”

“Cool, you sleep, I’ll watch the tube.”

John had been asleep only about an hour when he felt the warmth of a body crawl into bed behind him. Arms reached around his waist and hugged him close. John smiled and went back to sleep. It was only moments later that a warm hand enfolded his cock and began to stroke.

The thought occurred to John that something was wrong. The hand was different. He rolled over to find Brad lying naked beside him.

“You woke up…” He stammered.

“What the hell are you doing?” John said. He wanted to yell at the kid but that would have been too strong a response.

“I just wanted to, you know, share something…”

“You didn’t ask. Did it ever occur to you that I might not want that?” John asked.

“But Alan…”

“Alan and I are lovers, Brad. I’m committed to him, not you.”

“If anything ever happens, would you be my lover? I think…I think… I’m gay,” Brad stammered.

John sat up and took the kid in his arms. The boy was genuinely upset.

“Are you sure? How can you know? Have you ever been with another boy other than Terry?”

“No, just him. But I get turned on by you.”

Brad couldn’t know, so far it had all been mental.

“Brad, I’m flattered…but think about it. We’ve been involved for a while now. You study Buddhism with me and we go places together. You’ve met Alan’s gay friends and they’re all nice people. Do you think that you’ve become gay as a result of all this? Let me tell you, it doesn’t work like that.”

“But I like you. Seeing you naked turns me on,” Brad said.

“At your age the word sex turns you on, it’s perfectly normal.” John thought for a moment and then decided to dig deeper. “Your brother and I are the same age but you don’t see me like that, do you?” Brad shook his head.

“I know you lost your father when you were little. Do you think that maybe I am like an older father figure in your life? Could it be that instead of a sexual interest?”

Again Brad shook his head. “I…I masturbate and think about guys, I think about you.” He blushed a deep red at this point.

“Brad, are you willing to talk to someone else about this? I know some people that can help you with your thoughts.”

“I don’t know…I can’t tell anybody but you. You’re gay, you understand.”

“But they’re gay too. They know what it’s like. Please, let me make a call, we can go see them right now.”

“Okay, will you go with me?” Brad asked. He was trembling now.

“I’ll be right there with you, we’ll do this together.”

John called his mom, although he didn’t tell Brad she was his mother. It made for an awkward conversation but she agreed to see the boy at the community center office. John crawled out of bed and made Brad shower before getting dressed.

Brad giggled and said he had freaked when he first put his hand on John’s cock. He was told it was rude to talk to others about the size of their equipment.

John was beginning to wonder if the boy had been bullshitting about his interest in Buddhism only to get in bed with him. Alan would have known in a second. Not that he wanted to tell Alan about this little episode. But Brad surprised him when he came downstairs after taking his shower. The boy was meditating on the porch.

“It helps me relax. And I’m sorry, John…are we still friends?”

“Mistakes teach valuable lessons, just don’t repeat that one with me. I’m going to introduce you to a lady who runs a program for gay youth. Maybe you’ll meet some kids like yourself and be able to decide where you stand. But remember this, just because someone is gay doesn’t mean they want to have sex with you. You’re a handsome boy, Brad; you won’t have trouble making friends.”

It was several hours before Brad felt comfortable enough to open up with his feelings. The fact that three other kids at the Community Center had just told him about their experiences allowed that to happen. John left him in mom’s capable hands. She would take him home after they all went to the movies. It was an activity day at the youth group.

John had only been back in bed for a few hours when he felt the covers pull back and a warm body lay down behind him.

“Alan, is that you?”

“And who else would it be?” Came the answer.

“A long story…tell you later,” John mumbled, “…sleep well.”

They arose at four o’clock and John told Alan what had happened that morning. As expected he didn’t seem too surprised.

“It’s been there all along,” Alan said. “Brad has had the hots for you from the beginning. I turned him down too.”

“Damn, I wish I’d known that.”

“I didn’t think, but yeah I should have told you. It was embarrassing.”

“You’d have dozens of groupies if I allowed it,” John laughed.

Alan stared at him for a moment and then a sigh escaped his lips.

“I wonder how Terry will take this?”

“Does it matter?” John asked. “Isn’t it more important that Brad deserves the chance to become whatever he wants to be? Terry will just have to go punt. I’m sure not going to tell him what happened and I don’t think you should either.”

“I won’t, believe me. I agree, it’s Brad’s life. He should do the telling if he wants his family to know. Look, John…I know you like the little brat, he’s becoming almost a miniature you and I think that’s sweet, but Terry will think you turned him gay.”

“You know how ridiculous that sounds? I don’t give a shit what Terry thinks…he’s your friend. I know you guys are up to something with this SDS crap and all I do is worry about you. We’re in a relationship here, Alan, it’s got to be a two way street or it’s nothing…I want to know what you’re planning.”

“You think I want to do something that will hurt us?” Alan tossed back.

“Everything you do affects us, can’t you see that? Didn’t the rally on the mall teach you that whatever gifts you have are strongest when you use them to bring people together? You and your teachers started a movement with that power. It’s all over the news. This love affair you have with the SDS is counterproductive to the goals of our Buddhist brothers. Even Namkhai will tell you that.”

He had said his piece. Maybe it was a bit stronger than what Alan was used to hearing. John had never wanted to run his life or tell him how to use his gifts. Alan had always sought him out when he wanted those answers, but something had changed. Alan’s eyes shone with defiance but John wasn’t about to get into a pissing match with him.

“Just tell me your plans, that’s all I’m asking,” John said.

“I’m going to destroy the Silver Spring draft board office,” Alan said.

“What?” John gasped.

“Terry and I are going to break into the office and pour blood on the files to destroy them. The symbolism can’t be misunderstood. It will be in all the papers. They’re killing us in Vietnam.”

“Oh, Alan…this is crazy, you’ll get caught…they’ll send you to jail,” John groaned.

“No, I have it all planned out. I wasn’t going to tell you until it was over.”

“So I don’t get a say in this, is that your reasoning? It’s wrong, Alan, it’s a crime and I won’t go along with it. Maybe no one will get caught, but it hurts you…and it hurts us.”

“What does that mean…are you calling it quits on me?” Alan said.

“I should be the one asking that question,” John said. “I think you’re being selfish by planning this behind my back. I love you because of who you are and what we mean to one another, but I can’t love the power trip you’re on with this SDS business. It looks like you’re doing this just get their attention. But you’ll do what you want anyway, I can’t stop you.”

Alan rolled out of bed and began to pull on his jeans.

“This is something I have to do, John. I’m sorry you see it as an obstacle to our relationship. I’m going home now. It will give you time to think about…us.”

He pulled on his shirt and picked up his sneakers, John didn’t say a word in response. Alan gave him a final glance and walked out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

“Shit,” John said to the empty room. How could he turn his back like that? He was shocked that Alan hadn’t stayed to fight it out, what did that say? Was he expecting his lover to cave in? That meant he was using the relationship to win his point. That was unforgivable.

Louie came home at five-thirty and found John sitting glumly at the kitchen table.

“Hey, kiddo…why the sad face?”

“Alan and I had a fight…he took a walk,” Was all John could bring himself to say.

Louie walked around behind and gave John a hug. “He’ll be back,” He whispered. “Alan loves you too much to stay away for long.”

But Louie was wrong, days passed without a word from Alan. John worked with the animals, came home to meditate and slept. It was like his life was standing still. He knew the day would come when he would pick up the paper and read about what Alan and Terry had done. He dreaded the moment.

Louie did his best to keep John cheered up, aided by his new accomplice Brad. The boy could have been used to spy on Terry. Even used to find out about Alan and how much time the two were spending together. But John didn’t ask. It wouldn’t have been fair to use the kid.

Connie confirmed what Louie and John had come to accept about Brad, he was indeed a gay little puppy. John found himself watching the boy and realized that he looked on with envy. Why couldn’t he have known about being gay at such an early age? How different his life might have been.

The knowledge might have empowered him, but just as likely would have scared him to death. Yes, Brad was lucky, he had a group to support him and help him understand his feelings. John had found Alan…oh, and Louie. Dear Louie, he was a true fairy godmother.

Brad began to spend considerable time with them at the house. It was occasionally aggravating but he provided a necessary distraction to put the problem with Alan out of John’s mind. That was the hardest part of all this, John’s love didn’t fade just because Alan wasn’t there to receive it. Instead he focused attention on the boy’s education.

Since his little groping session, Brad had been contrite and almost bashful about sexual issues. He had apologized profusely for his actions and John had forgiven him. Still, the boy was affectionate and without Alan around John accepted his attention.

Connie arranged a meeting with Mrs. Brown one evening and Brad came out to his mother. John thought it was the bravest thing any thirteen-year-old could possibly do. He was past the point of being proud of his mother. Connie had found her true calling with the youth group. Whatever karma she carried in this life was very strong because people seem to listen to her.

After the meeting she phoned John with the news. Brad’s mother was at first shocked and then afraid for her son. Connie stepped in and reminded her that the clues to her son’s sexual identity had been there all along, hadn’t they been noticed before? The two women analyzed Brad’s behavior since he was a child and the events and signs had surely been there.

Being a single parent, Mrs. Brown had been so caught up in her role as caregiver that she hadn’t done the math. Connie explained the support group, the education a boy like Brad needed and the significant role a mother needed to play. By the time she was done, the youth group had a new volunteer. All right, mom.

John started to worry about Alan and the college days that would be upon them in a few months. What would it be like to sit in class with him now? They had two classes together. At least they did when they registered last spring.

They weren’t finished. John was convinced that Alan had just pushed the hold button. The attack on the draft board would happen very soon and then he would come back…if he could.

But what if they got caught? He’d go to jail and John didn’t want to think of what might happen to an attractive blond boy in prison, especially one who was gay. Of course, with the powers of his mind, Alan might do anything to resist and that is where the greatest fear lay.

If Alan lost control he might unleash something that could cause his destruction and that of those around him. John wanted to call Namkhai and tell him of these concerns but Alan would never forgive him, especially if nothing happened. This was the hard part of waiting.

It was the night before Independence Day, July third. John watched the news on television about the events for the holiday and knew that Alan was planning to strike on the Fourth. It had to be then, when all the offices were closed and people were out enjoying the fireworks. Even the police would be looking the other way. Maybe they would get away with it? He couldn’t wish them well, it would be wrong to support anything that smacked of SDS tactics…but he hoped.

For Alan the plan was fairly simple. He had visited the draft board office and discovered that it would be possible to slip open the window in the men’s room quite easily. He and Terry would climb in this way and have at least ten minutes before the alarm system would bring a response from the local police.

It was time enough to pry open the file cabinets and destroy as many records as possible. They would carry along as much animal blood as they could slowly accumulate from the local butcher shops. He figured that by scattering blood on everything the media would gobble up the story and it would make the national news. The attack on the Selective Service would give a whole new meaning to the words Independence Day.

Alan had brooded about the way things had gone wrong with John. Love was a roller coaster ride and this was just one of the down times. The relationship wasn’t over. He knew that much. It was his strength to know how others felt. He just needed elbow room to pull off this raid, not even love was going to get in his way.

Just thinking of how radical this attack would be labeled excited Alan. The SDS would jump for joy. Screw the establishment, all of those bastards who wanted to send him and his friends to fight an immoral war. By then Terry had collected almost four gallons of blood in two gasoline cans. They would make quite a splash in the headlines.

Alan had spent several nights in a row sitting in his car with Terry at the Hot Shoppes drive-in across from Blair Park. They had watched the regular police patrols up and down Georgia Avenue and noted how often the cars circled the parking lot of the draft board office across the street.

Terry had found them a quiet place to stash the car. The back street was across the railroad tracks in Takoma Park. It was ideal for their needs. They could come and go unseen through the trees alongside the tracks.

Alan was aware that Terry was becoming more nervous as they sat and watched the park. It didn’t matter that this was going to be easy. He would have done this alone except that he needed Terry to find the blood. And because their time inside the building was short it helped to have a second pair of hands.

The sky had finally darkened at around eight-thirty as they pulled into the deep shadow of the trees on the quiet street near the tracks.

“I’m about to piss in my pants,” Terry said, “I just want you to know this scares me.”

“It’s good to be scared, it’ll keep your senses alert,” Alan replied. “The patrol will go through the lot in about five minutes. Then we make our move.”

He looked over at the terrified boy. Terry gave a sigh and a smile came to his lips.

“This is going to cause some major shit, isn’t it?”

“Oh yeah, it’ll be all over the papers and on the news tomorrow night.”

Terry put his hand on Alan’s leg and squeezed.

“It’s kinda nice sitting here in the dark with you. We haven’t done this since…”

“I know, but try and focus on the plan, we don’t have time to get goofy right now,” Alan said.

Shit, the boy was getting horny on him. Life would have been so different if he and Terry had…but they hadn’t. No, he still loved John. His heart hadn’t changed in that regard.

Alan looked at his watch and pulled on the thin cotton gloves he had bought at the dime store.

“It’s time to strike a blow for freedom,” He said.

“Up the establishment,” Terry replied.

The cans grew heavy by the time they reached the back of the building. They could just have easily brought along gasoline. The old wooden building would have been a pyre in short order. But the files were in fireproof cabinets and they were the real target. Alan gave Terry a boost and the window slid open quietly.

Once inside the building, Alan led Terry down the hallway and looked through the glass window into the file room. He tried the handle and found the door locked, time for a little magic. Alan focused on the glass and shattered it with his gasoline can.

They had just reached the rows of file cabinets when they heard a distant bell begin to ring outside the building.

“The alarm,” Terry yelled.

“We knew that was going to happen. Get busy on the cabinets over there, I’ll start here.”

He took the short pry bar out of his jacket and pried on the top of the drawer. A loud snap and the drawer rolled open. He pulled open all the drawers exposing their targets.

“You start here, I’ll open some more cabinets,” Alan said.

Terry unscrewed the top of a can and began to pour the smelly red liquid into the top drawer. Blood soaked into the files and dripped down into the drawers below, it was going to create quite a mess. Alan popped several more locks on the row of cabinets before picking up his own can to defile the neat rows of green paper folders.

“Try not to get any on your shoes, it will leave a print,” He cautioned.

They were working on the fifth cabinet when Alan heard the siren and Terry absolutely freaked.

“Oh shit, the cops…come on let’s go,” Terry yelled.

“You got any blood left?” Alan asked.

“A little,” Terry replied.

“Let’s do the desks on the way out,” Alan said.

They splashed the red goo across a few desks and threw the cans in the corner. The cans were clean, no fingerprints. Each one had been purchased at a different hardware store in the next county. The job was done and Alan looked back at the mess they had made, it was so cool.

Back down the short hallway they ran, slamming through the bathroom door and towards the open window. Terry virtually dived through the opening and Alan looked out to see him sprawled in the bushes below. Alan’s hands were sweating like crazy in the gloves and he couldn’t get a grip on the tile wall. He panicked and removed the gloves, stuffing them in the pockets of his jeans. Now he could grasp the window and heave himself up and through the opening.

The sirens were louder now, coming at them down Georgia Avenue from the police station up on Sligo Avenue. Alan shoved off from the window frame and realized as he dropped to the soft ground that he had left his fingerprints on the window. He landed with a roll and the sound of Terry’s voice close by.

“Shit, they’re almost here…we got to run…now.”

The darkness of the trees swallowed up Terry’s sprinting form as Alan glanced back up at the window. He focused on the pane of glass, willing it to shatter but nothing happened.

“Shit…shit,” He yelled and then hurled himself into the trees after Terry as the police cars pulled into the parking lot out front.

They ran towards the tracks and crossed the silver rails before quickly ducking into the trees on the other side. Alan could hear Terry stop to catch his breath and almost ran into the boy.

“Awesome,” Terry panted, “Fucking awesome.”

“You did good, Terry,” Alan said, and gave the boy a hug.

They stood in the darkness of the trees and Terry began to kiss Alan’s neck and face. Alan felt the boy’s hands on his body and he didn’t resist. The cops were half a mile away and yet he allowed Terry to pull down his shorts and grasp his cock. Terry was on his knees as Alan leaned back against a tree.

All thoughts of his commitment to John were lost in the passion and danger of that moment. Terry groaned and Alan felt a rush as the boy’s mouth worshiped him. It wasn’t until later when his orgasm swept away the lust that he felt the depth of his betrayal to John. Only then did he focus his mind on the boy before him.

Suddenly he knew that Terry had been waiting for the impact of that sudden high, the rush of explosive adrenaline from their criminal act. And he had used it well. He had planned for this moment from the beginning, rehearsed all the possibilities…Alan was shocked as the thoughts from Terry’s mind washed over him. The emotion was triumphant, as if Terry felt like he had made the most important conquest of his life, and worse…Alan could understand why.

Brad was the cause of all this grief. In the deepest recess of his mind, Terry was so much in love with Alan and horrified by the fact that maybe, just maybe Brad had been there too. The love Alan understood, there had been moments between them where a little feeling could have sparked a relationship.

But from Terry’s point of view they had been in love and a first love was the hardest to let go. Life had brought Terry other feelings instead. He had known men who would radiate their false warmth into his heart and then use his body for their own gratification. Terry got little from that experience except bad press and the cold shoulder from his friends.

But Bradley? Could Terry really be jealous of the child and brother who had been his own first sexual experience? Alan shuddered. Freud would have had a field day running around in Terry’s head.

Terry and Alan piled in the car and drove slowly down Georgia Avenue past the park. Several police cars were in the lot and flashlights could be seen moving around under the trees. It would take a while to get someone from the draft board down to open up the building. Then the damage would become news.

“Awesome,” Terry repeated, as Alan drove them back up through Silver Spring.

“You can say that again, we got blood on everything,” Alan laughed.

“No, I meant what we did afterwards…I’ve wanted that for the longest time,” Terry said.

“I know, so you got it, now it’s over. Just forget it ever happened.”

“I didn’t want to be the one to tell you this, Alan, but John has a new boyfriend.”

Alan pulled over into the first side street and slammed the shift lever into park.

“That’s a lie, what made you…” But even as he said it he knew Terry believed what he was saying. “Who?” Alan asked.

“My little brother,” Terry said. “He told my mom the other night he’s gay and that John was the friend that helped him discover himself.”

Alan laid his head down on the steering wheel. How could John betray their love so easily? Had he misjudged the extent of what the separation had meant? He couldn’t believe John would be the cheater, not John the Buddhist. But with Brad? How could that little boy take his place?

“If John doesn’t love you anymore…maybe there’s a chance for us?” Terry said hopefully.

“Trust me, Terry, you’re not gay, you just like sex. It wouldn’t work for us.”

“After what I just did for you? Then fuck me right now and I’ll prove it to you.”

“Haven’t you had enough fun for one night? There is just no way John has been cheating with your little brother. It’s almost laughable. You don’t know him if you think that. Go find yourself a girlfriend, Terry. Or a boyfriend if you think that’s way to go.”

Alan dropped Terry off and drove slowly home. His parents were watching television and he kissed his mother before going up to his room. He closed the door and fell on his bed face down. Why weren’t there tears, why couldn’t he cry about this?

It would be easy to reach out and touch John’s mind, he knew the patterns of thought that wove around him so well. But he couldn’t, Namkhai would know and John might feel the intrusion.

But Brad wouldn’t feel a thing. The forces he was messing with would give him no clue. Terry thought he was telling the truth but maybe he didn’t know the whole story. Wouldn’t Louie have warned him if John strayed? Yes, it would have to be Brad, and there was time enough to confront the boy.

NEXT CHAPTER