The first snow flurries hit Littleton in mid-November, nothing that caused major concern, just a warning that the Farmer’s Almanac might finally be right. It was supposed to be a bad winter ahead. Boys walked into the classrooms at Bradford with snowflakes sticking to their hair and jackets, all rosy cheeked from the thirty-something temperatures.
Neil’s Halloween weekend had created some significant moments in the lives of several pairs of boys. Dillon now sat at the lunch table with the gay boys, a rainbow flag proudly pinned to his shirt. The display of that symbol had raised a few eyebrows on the freshman dorm and Tom Boswell had certainly noticed it as well.
Dillon’s presence on campus had raised some concerns. The boy was a brilliant student academically, but his level of maturity was the only issue…as was his father’s position. The school had welcomed the sons of ambassadors and politicians on many occasions, just never one so young. Tom had been following the boy’s association with the gay group and knew most of the other boys would be kind and guide Dillon as he grew into the Bradford community.
So when Tom realized there was something going on between Alan and Dillon he became concerned, it was his job to feel that way. He asked to see them both during activity period…it was time to talk it out.
“Good afternoon, guys…I suppose you know why I wanted to talk with you.”
Alan looked at Dillon and smiled. “We’re in a relationship…it just happened. I know you probably don’t approve…”
“Whoa,” Tom said. “I’m not here to judge you…it seems you’ve already done that yourselves. I just want some assurances that this isn’t going anywhere fast…do you understand what I’m asking…Dillon?”
“Yes sir…you mean our private moments,” Dillon replied.
“Yes. I understand the needs a boy feels and I don’t want you to make any mistakes. The age difference alone is a cause for concern. But I’ve watched Alan for some time now and I do have confidence in his judgment. You on the other hand are still new to me, and I’m sure you understand how the school views freshmen becoming attached to the older boys.”
Dillon sighed. “Alan and I have talked about that, we understand the concerns. I don’t suppose it’s enough to say that nothing major has happened between us. Alan has been very careful because he doesn’t want to create any problems.”
Tom smiled. “I expected Alan to be mature enough to take that approach. Emotionally you may think you can handle anything, the physical part of a relationship at your age has to have some limitations.”
“There won’t be any…um, intercourse,” Alan said. “I personally feel that Dillon may eventually wish to experience something like that, but right now neither of us is ready. The last thing I would ever do is hurt him in any way…I mean, well I love him, Tom…we love one another.”
Tom nodded. “That’s a very responsible approach. Just remember that commitment when your emotions seem to take you in that direction. What you think will be good now will only be better in the future when you are ready for something like that. So Dillon, do your parents know about your feelings?”
“About me being gay? No, they haven’t a clue,” Dillon said. “I wouldn’t know how to tell them anyway. My dad is a real straight arrow, and so is my older brother…I don’t need the grief.”
“Well you have time enough for that,” Tom said. “Maybe they’ll be accepting, I have no way of knowing. But at some point most gay boys feel a need to tell their parents, which will be your decision to make.”
“So…so my relationship with Alan…is it acceptable?” Dillon asked.
“No, it flaunts the rules…the unspoken rules…the rules we can’t enforce,” Tom said. “I can’t tell you not to see Alan, but I don’t want to see you guys pushing the limits in front of the other students. I can’t tell you boys not to love one another since you’ve already made that decision. But I can tell you that if you use it to better yourselves, become the best at what Bradford wants from you then it will certainly increase the chances of your success in this relationship.”
Alan looked at Dillon and smiled. “That means top ten percent each semester. I made three out of four the past two years, can you do that?”
Dillon nodded. “I’m going for eight out of eight.”
Tom smiled. “I want to see each of my boys strive to do their best. Being gay isn’t easy out there in the world, being gay means you have to be better than most. I have confidence in you both. Now you just need to maintain that confidence in one another.”
“Thank you, Tom,” Alan said.
“Thank you, Mr. Boswell,” Dillon said.
“You may call me Tom. I want all my boys to feel close enough to talk with me on equal terms. If either of you have something you need to share my door is always open.”
He hugged both boys and watched them walk back towards the campus. If Dillon had made the choice then he had chosen well, Alan had always been one of the smarter boys, one the others looked up to. He couldn’t foresee any disaster in the making, maybe their relationship would last like Neil and Jesse.
Tom’s original concern about Red and Steve had been unfounded. They were still together, still very much in love. It was wonderful to see boys find love and stick with it. Maybe he should take Jack out to dinner this weekend, someplace quiet, romantic. Sometimes it was just good to celebrate the joy of a wonderful partnership.
Dillon bumped against Alan as they walked across the quad. “That went well, Tom is on our side. How did we get so lucky?”
“Tom is an easy sell, but your parents will be a different story. Maybe I’ll just wait for you to grow up a little more. I did a lot of things too early in life, even before I had that fling with Neil. Now I think it was good that Brian graduated last spring. I had a miserable summer …and then you appeared.
“I wasn’t expecting it but that first kiss you gave me nailed it…you had me all the way. The vision I saw on Mountain Day will stay in my mind forever, God you were so beautiful…it was hard to breathe.”
Dillon smiled. “You didn’t have any problem squeezing my butt.”
“I didn’t mean to, you slipped.”
Dillon shook his head. “No I didn’t, I let go and hoped you would catch me…it worked.”
Alan laughed. “You brat, what if I had missed?”
Dillon ran a hand across Alan’s shoulder. “You never miss what you want, and I knew that.”
* * * * *
Adam spent the first two weeks back at school avoiding Neil. His mind was filled with concern about the feelings he was having towards Renny. Nothing had happened between them except for the shared affection, but even that made him feel guilty. He was harboring feelings for the boy that would probably make Neil want to kill him.
Perhaps it had been inevitable, they were both lonely. Renny had hugged him all night long and then they woke up and acted like nothing had transpired between them. Nothing had, at least anything sexual.
Adam was well aware that Renny had a lot of sexual experience that remained unspoken. Those years on the street…none of those experiences could have been good, just necessary for survival. But that had been sex without feelings, and now…now Renny had stared at him across the breakfast table with his thoughts barely concealed.
I’m such a fool, Adam thought. Renny might be several years younger but he was more experienced, although that did not make him more mature. How could he even entertain a relationship with Renny? Yes, Neil would kill him.
“He’ll never find out how much I like you,” Renny had said before Adam returned to the school on Sunday afternoon.
“I…I like you, too,” Adam had admitted. “You’re talented and smart…smart enough to know we should just be friends for now.”
“I can deal with that if I know you’ll allow things to develop when the time is right.”
What a mature attitude to take, and Adam could only nod in silence as Renny gave him a hug good-bye. Renny had called him several times since that night. It was good to have someone to talk to and those friendly chats did a lot to seal the relationship.
But Renny was right, Neil had never found out, and Adam figured he had to avoid Neil or something might slip out. But just as he was ducking into the dorm after lunch he heard someone call his name.
“Adam…wait up,” Neil called.
Adam froze in the doorway, looking back at Neil. “Yes…?”
“I have a favor to ask, but you don’t have to do it,” Neil said.
Adam relaxed. Maybe it wasn’t what he thought. “No…go ahead, ask me.”
“My brother…Renny. It seems he really likes you. He hasn’t stopped talking about what a great time he had with you and Tim, but especially you. Sorry, I know he can be a bother.”
“No, he’s cool…such a talented kid,” Adam said.
“Yeah, he’s gonna be a great artist some day. I wanted to ask, are you going home for Thanksgiving?” Neil said.
“I don’t think so, my parents are in France, and they probably won’t be back in time. I’m sure not going to spend time at home with my brother…so I was gonna stay here,” Adam said.
“Sweet,” Neil said. “So here’s the favor, how would you like to spend Thanksgiving at my house?”
“Oh…well sure, I like your mom.”
“Well that’s part of the issue. She won’t be there because she’s going to visit my grandfather. Don’t get me wrong, I love my little brother, but since he still doesn’t have any friends around here I know he’ll be right in the middle of my time with Jesse. But if you were there…”
Adam laughed, mostly from relief. “You want a babysitter…I get it.”
Neil nodded. “It’s not really babysitting, he’s responsible enough. But if Jesse and I want to go anywhere it might get to be a problem if he’s along.”
“Is Thanksgiving special to you guys?” Adam asked.
“Yes…fall is our anniversary,” Neil said.
“God, you guys are so lucky…sure, I’ll keep Renny company,” Adam said, and his heart skipped a beat.
“Thank you,” Neil said, and he gave Adam a hug. “So I’ll take you home next Wednesday night. Mom is gonna leave plenty of food for you guys and I have tons of movies.”
“So where will you guys run off to?” Adam asked.
“I was going to take Jesse to Boston on Friday and Saturday night. I want to book a hotel room and maybe hit a few of the gay clubs. Will Renny drive you crazy if we’re away that long?”
“Probably, but I like him so we’ll sort it out,” Adam said. “Thanks for inviting me.”
“He needs gay friends. I know you’re older, but you’re a responsible person…I just want you guys to have fun.”
And it was hard for Adam to sleep that night. Tim was leaving for home and Adam really didn’t want to be on campus for the brief holiday. No matter what he thought, spending any amount of time with Renny would be wonderful.
It was absurd but Adam knew he was beginning to have strong feelings for the boy. In six days they would be alone together…now he just hoped Renny didn’t have any wrong ideas about what that time could mean.
* * * * *
So many of the boarders were leaving campus for the holiday, and that included Dillon. He wasn’t sad about not going home for the holidays. His phone call home about how much fun he’d had at Neil’s over Halloween had softened his mother’s stance. She had finally given him permission to spend weekends with other students. Neil was first on the list, and Alan was second.
Of course Tom eventually received all the permission slips after Thorne had seen them and Dillon’s was there in the pile on his desk because he would be going home with Alan this weekend. Not that he was worried since the boys seemed to be playing it cool on campus. As for the off campus activities Tom would have to trust them, he just hoped he could.
Dillon was beside himself with joy as Alan loaded his overnight bag in the trunk, this would be the beginning of four nights with the boy he loved. It seemed like such a special occasion.
“I want you to know my Mom understands the gay thing, but let’s not push it in her face. In fact, she doesn’t know you’re a freshman either, I didn’t tell her anything,” Alan said.
“Oh…what will she think if we sleep together?”
“What you might expect, you aren’t the first boy I’ve brought home…but you are the cutest,” Alan laughed. “Anyways, my room is isolated…she won’t hear a thing, you’ll see.”
And Dillon was amazed at what he saw. Like Red, Alan had his own apartment over the garage.
“They built this when my Granny moved in,” Alan said. “I was just a little kid back then. But then when my Dad left us she went too, she was his mother. So my asshole father left and I got the apartment because my Mom felt guilty, I took advantage of that.”
Alan’s mother was content to stare at him across the kitchen table as they ate dinner, Dillon could only smile in return. They talked about school and living in Washington, both safe subjects as far as he was concerned. But she did make him feel at home, and the dinner was delicious. The boys cleaned up afterwards and she went back to work.
“Mom is working on a college degree, a graduate thing,” Alan said.
“A master’s degree is tough stuff,” Dillon said.
“Yeah, she wants to open her own accounting firm and I think she will pretty soon. So want to watch some television or bake cookies?”
“You cook? You never told me that.”
“I eat, thus I cook,” Alan said. “I really think it’s fun.”
And so they made cookies and hot chocolate from scratch and took them to Alan’s room.
“We can play PS2 or watch movies, your choice,” Alan said.
“I had something else in mind…”
* * * * *
Renny spent all weekend looking forward to Adam’s visit. He had encouraged Neil to ask knowing full well that Adam was helpless to say no. He had felt the changes in the boy during their conversations following that Halloween weekend. Adam was feeling something.
Not that Renny was without his own feelings. He knew the boy was smart, dumb kids didn’t get into Bradford. That intelligence was attractive, and so was Adam. One of the attractions was the possibility of sex. Although he was quite familiar with the activity, Renny didn’t want to push Adam into anything before he was ready.
The life of a boy on the street had been sexual as hell, but rarely satisfying. Making it with strangers for money hardly seemed like a good place to find any feelings of attachment. But he would love to sleep with Adam. Love…was that what he felt?
No one had really cared what he did before, and now they did. It was sweet, it made him feel wanted, but then some of the things he wanted could get him in trouble. The week began and seemed to drag by slowly. Renny spent time with his new mother, cleaned his room, and helped her shop for groceries. The whole time he was mindful of what lay ahead. If Nora even suspected…well, she just couldn’t, it would mess up everything.
But Renny studied his lessons and did all his homework well in advance of the required dates, Nora seemed pleased. And then on Wednesday morning she sat down with him at the breakfast table and smiled.
“I know you’ll be a good son while I’m gone, and when I get back I have a little surprise for you,” Nora said.
“Surprise? Tell me now…please,” Renny pleaded.
“I’ve found you an art teacher, he lives over in Whitefield and that’s not a far drive at all.”
“Oh…what’s he like?”
“Tobias Ruffin is his name; he used to work for a big gallery in Boston before he retired. He’s invited us to lunch next week.”
“I never heard of him, is he some really old guy? I mean, why would he take on a kid like me?” Renny asked.
“He has grandkids, but he’s not that old…I spoke with him yesterday.”
“So how did you find this guy?”
“The gallery gave me his name, I’ve spent weeks trying to find someone,” Nora said, and then she smiled. “That’s what mom’s do.”
Renny knew that was his cue for a hug and he gave her one. This whole mother and son thing was turning out so great; he’d never known what he was missing. Of course his own birth mother had shown him the door, he was a fag and she hated that. In all his time on the street he’d never thought his life would turn out this good.
It was around four when Neil and Jesse finally pulled in the driveway with Adam in the back seat.
“Hey there kid,” Adam said by way of greeting.
Renny punched his arm in reply. “Don’t you be dissin me, smartass.”
Neil rolled his eyes and felt sorry for Adam. It might be a long four days.
“No dissin if you’re kissin,” Adam laughed.
“Okay, that I can handle,” Renny laughed in return, and grabbed Adam for a big sloppy kiss.
“Jeez, don’t they feed you around here, you tryin to eat me?” Adam said, wiping his face. “You kiss like a camel.”
Neil and Jesse laughed, but Renny kept a straight face. “How many camels have you kissed?” He asked.
“One, and that was one too many,” Adam said.
“Eww, so how did that happen?” Renny asked. “I’ve never even seen a camel.”
“Then lucky you. We were in Egypt, my dad took us there…” Adam explained, and Renny took his arm, listening with fascination as they walked towards the house.
Neil looked over at Jesse. “Yeah, this is gonna work out real well,” He said.
“Good, then I get you all to myself,” Jesse replied.
So of course Adam had to tell everyone about his European adventures two years ago as they sat around the dinner table. His father worked with the United Nations and that had allowed Adam to see a good deal of Europe and North Africa. But now that Adam was old enough they had placed him at Bradford so he could continue his education uninterrupted while they travelled.
“I think Bradford has been a good choice for all of you,” Nora said.
Renny frowned. “I’ll never be good enough for that school.”
Adam shook his head. “It isn’t a school for everyone. They really don’t have much in the way of art to keep someone like you occupied. But home school is a great thing too; you can get a GED before you become a famous artist.”
Renny laughed. “Yeah, guess I don’t need much in the way of smarts to be an artist.”
“But that’s not true either,” Adam said. “You have to know about different places so you can figure out what to paint. Some of the greatest artists travel the world looking for subjects; you can see it in their work. I suppose if you see things in books or on the internet it might inspire you to travel. You need to get out there and feel the world around you, and that all starts with education.” Then he realized everyone was looking at him and he blushed. “Sorry, I talk too much.”
Nora reached across table and patted his hand. “Never apologize for being passionate; it brings out the best in you. Everything you said was just right. Renny does need to find inspiration for his art.”
Adam looked across the table and Renny smiled. “Righteous speech, dude.”
“Dude? I might have to hurt you for calling me that,” Adam said.
“You can only try once,” Renny laughed.
And as the boys settled down for the evening Nora thought about that moment at the table. Adam was a kind and expressive boy, just the sort of friend Renny needed. Neil had made a good choice yet again. It would take a load off her mind to leave the two of them here together. Adam seemed quite responsible just as Neil had said.
Adam bedded down in the guest room and Nora finished her packing. The only issue was the weather report she’d just seen, they were predicting snow again this weekend. But she had told Barry Tolliver that she would be out of town, and she knew Pat and Mike would pay attention to the details if necessary. Maybe she ought to warn Neil as well.
About as Adam had expected, Renny snuck into the guest room and slid into bed.
“Were you waiting for me?” Renny whispered.
“This is a mighty big risk with your mom across the hall.”
“She sleeps like a log, nothing to worry about,” Renny replied. “So you excited? We have the whole weekend to ourselves.”
“This is insane, you know that? But I’ve been thinking about you ever since Halloween, I can’t get you out of my head. I’m so glad you’ve been calling me…I missed you.”
“That’s sweet…you’re sweet,” Renny said. “So…am I your boyfriend?”
“Uh…damn, that’s a big step. Don’t get me wrong, I do have feelings for you, Renny. I just don’t know what it means.”
“It means you care about me just like I care for you…it might even be love,” Renny replied.
Adam was silent and then he slid his arms around the boy. “If it is love then we’re both in big trouble. But if I have to piss your family off then I’d rather it be because I love you.”
Thanksgiving dawned as a bright and sunny day, but the temperatures were still close to freezing. Adam awoke alone, wondering when Renny had slid out of bed and gone back to his room. Renny…his boyfriend? God, he had to be crazy.
But when he had expressed dismay at the difference in their age Renny had smiled and said he would soon be thirteen, December twentieth to be exact. They were two and a half years apart, and it didn’t sound so bad when he thought of it like that.
There were noises out in the hall and so Adam slid out of bed and dressed. The bathroom across the hall was empty so he washed his face and brushed his hair back…good enough for now. Renny’s door was closed so Adam crept down the stairs to see who was awake.
“Good Morning, Adam,” Nora said.
“Morning, Mrs. Dennison…is everyone still asleep?”
“Yes, seems you and I are the only early birds. Would you like some juice?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
She set a glass of orange juice in front of him and Adam thanked her. Nora smiled, such a polite boy. “Do you like living in New York?” She asked.
“It’s where my parents have a house, that’s about all. My dad spends so much time traveling it’s hard to say I live anywhere. But I meant what I told Renny last night, he ought to get out there and check out the view when he can. If I could paint I’d chose Venice, Cairo or Paris for my inspiration.”
“I know it’s early, maybe you don’t know, but do you have a feeling for what you’d like to do for a career?” Nora asked.
“I’ve thought about it a lot actually,” Adam said. “I think I’d like to work for an aid agency. I’ve seen the impact they have on impoverished countries. My dad says it’s too dangerous, but he’s in the middle of those places all the time. Maybe that’s why I have such empathy for Renny, I think what you did for him was just incredible.”
Nora nodded. “It was really Neil who got me involved. He has many of the same feelings you do. But having a gay son…two sons, makes it necessary for me to be aware of the crisis going on with gay youth. And so I have to ask, do your parents know?”
“About me? No, it’s too soon to tell them. I would much rather wait until I’m an adult and in some kind of secure relationship before bringing it up. I don’t think they’ll reject me, but there will be so many concerns. I think that’s natural so I need to have all the answers before telling them.”
Nora smiled. “You’re a very mature fifteen year old, Adam, I think you’re right. The next three years of your life will teach you a lot, and maybe that’s how you’ll find that one person you need.”
Adam nodded. “That’s kind of what I think as well. Neil and Jesse are very special people to me for the example they set. They’re very lucky, and I imagine that makes you happy as well.”
Nora nodded. “They’ve both seen their share of adversity, and then they came to Bradford. It seems that place is just so accepting, and gay boys don’t have to struggle there. I’m sure you’ve discovered that for yourself.”
“Yes…there’s no pressure to hide my feelings. I’m still in freshman hell but I understand their constraints, we need to get in the groove first and develop relationships later on. The academic standards are enough to keep anyone focused. I’ll find a guy later on.”
Except that was a lie, and Adam almost wished he hadn’t said it. Fortunately Neil and Jesse came stumbling through the door, and the focus in the room changed.
“I haven’t made coffee yet,” Nora said.
“Oh Mom,” Neil groaned, and he dug the can out of the refrigerator. He set up the pot and turned it on. “Where’s Renny?”
“I think he’s still asleep,” Nora said. “Did you catch the weather report last night?”
“No, snow later this week I bet,” Neil said.
“Yes, Friday or Saturday. Maybe you should pay close attention, I’m not sure Adam needs to get snowed in all by himself with Renny,” She said.
“Barry will come plow the drive; he could take them over to Pat’s if it gets bad.” Looking at Adam he smiled. “You met Mike, his dad is the local plow driver…I’m sure you and Renny could use his helpif it gets too bad.”
“Define bad,” Adam said.
“Three feet, no phone, no power, and thus no heat.”
“Got it, we’ll choose retreat,” Adam said.
“Good.”
“What was that?” Nora said. “Do you guys talk like that all the time?”
Neil laughed. “Bradford short hand, it saves time.”
“I’ll make breakfast if someone will go awaken the youngster,” Nora said.
“I’ll go,” Adam said. “I better get used to it.”
Renny was asleep, naked as the day he was born. Adam closed the door and crept over beside the bed. The boy’s ass was exposed, the blankets half off. Such a nice ass too, so smooth and…Adam leaned down and ran a finger up the crack. Renny groaned and came awake with a gasp. “Oh Jeez…don’t start that now.”
“Your mom wants you up for breakfast,” Adam said.
Renny pulled back the covers. “I’m up.”
Nora drove off towards Boston at nine o’clock for her noon flight while the four boys piled in the Jeep and headed over to Pat’s. Mike was in the driveway with the rear end of his truck jacked up to get his snow tires in place.
“Hey guys,” Mike said, giving Renny a large smile. “And how’s my favorite city boy?”
“Good…great,” Renny laughed.
“Might need your help if we get a heavy snow,” Neil said. “Jesse and I are headed for Boston, that leaves Renny and Adam stuck in the house with no transportation.”
“Sure thing, we’ll keep an eye out. My dad can always bring them over here, Pat won’t mind.” Mike laughed. “It’s Thanksgiving, figures it might snow hard.”
The temperature didn’t rise much that day and by dark it started to plummet. Nora had made a ham, sweet potatoes and vegetables for their dinner, a sensible meal for a bunch of teenage boys. They sat around the table and talked about Thanksgiving as a concept for a holiday and Adam told them about what they thought of it in Europe.
Nora called from Lansing and said she’d arrived in one piece, and then she wished Neil a safe trip to Boston and told him to keep an eye on the weather. He stepped out on the front porch and looked at the clear night sky. It might snow over the weekend, but not tomorrow. They retired to bed since Neil wanted an early start on Friday morning.
Renny had been off the wall all day long, his mood advancing as the day went on. Neil put it off to Mom being gone and the happiness any holiday brought, he had no idea what it was really about. Adam watched the boy carefully, hoping Neil wouldn’t realize what was going on, because after they left for Boston it wouldn’t matter.
Adam slid into Renny’s bed, mainly because the boy had an alarm clock in his room and they needed to get up before Neil did. But now he was sleeping with his boyfriend and that seemed to calm Renny down, they exchanged kisses and little else before falling asleep.
The alarm went off at six and Adam went downstairs to make coffee, mindful that Neil and Jesse needed that jolt in the morning to wake up. Renny soon joined him and they were sitting at the table when the two lovers stumbled in from the pool house.
“Oh My God…you made coffee,” Jesse said.
Renny pointed at Adam. “I think we ought to keep him, he’s useful.”
Neil kissed Adam’s head and laughed. “Yeah, he is kinda cute.”
Adam smiled. “And so what would you like for breakfast?”
“Damn…he cooks too?” Jesse said. “A definite keeper.”
“Hey, you have yours…if he stays then he’s mine,” Renny said.
Neil frowned and Adam laughed. “You grow up some and I might think about it,” He said, making light of Renny’s remark. Shit, the kid was going to get Neil worried.
“Okay, so how long do I have to wait?” Renny asked.
“Eighteen sounds good to me,” Neil laughed.
“Screw that,” Renny said. “Sixteen sounds better to me, he’ll be eighteen.”
“All this just because I cook?” Adam said. “I hope you don’t cum in your shorts if I make breakfast.”
Renny took an open handed swing and Adam ducked, laughing the whole time. “So eggs and toast? Did you guys pack already?”
“Yeah, all done,” Jesse said. And by eight so was breakfast. There were hugs and kisses, and then Adam and Renny watched them drive away.
“Let’s go wash the dishes and think about our day,” Adam said.
“Yeah…” Renny said.
* * * * *
Dillon never really understood the feelings he had as a young boy. Not that recognizing them would have done him any good; there were always people around in his life, important people who were there to watch over him. But his father’s career had always come first and as a politician his family came under the same umbrella of protection.
But the minders had escorted him to school, picked him up and followed him everywhere. That meant all his friends had to be vetted and many boys felt uneasy around him, it choked off the feelings…at least until he got to Bradford.
Once he reached ninth grade his parents seemed to relax a bit. Bradford had been chosen because of academic excellence and isolation; no one knew he was there. Knowing his father he was sure both Neil and Alan’s family had been investigated and deemed safe. Safe, the word his mother used all the time when she reminded him of his responsibilities.
But safe also meant there would be little tolerance for his inner feelings, a gay son was not something any public figure wanted in the family. Those restrictions only made Dillon feel rebellious, it had driven him straight into Alan’s arms, and he was planning to stay there a long, long time.
So as the chauffeured car made the trip from Littleton to Boston, where he would catch the flight home, it gave him six hours to think about what was to come. His parents would want to know about all his friends and that meant he would have to lie. He couldn’t reveal that all his closest friends at Bradford were the gay boys who sat at that lunch table.
It was the reason he didn’t think he could join the GSA, what if his name got out? His father sat on some intelligence committee, those people investigated everyone. No he would have to lie and tell them everything about the school in general terms, no details.
Dillon had poured out his concerns to Tim because Adam’s roomie was such a likeable boy and they had become close friends. Tim was the only boy he could tell about his feelings for Alan, and they spent hours walking the perimeter of the playing fields in deep conversation about loving someone.
Tim was not about to get in some sexual game with an older boy on campus for one good reason, he already had a girlfriend at home in Atlanta. And as Dillon had opened up so had Tim, confiding the most intimate of details to one another. But despite their differences, the feelings they expressed were much the same, and that brought them closer.
But as Dillon stared out the window at the passing landscape he could almost understand Renny’s need for someone like Adam. The boy had spent so much time on the street, grown up much too fast, and had too many sexual experiences. It would be absurd for anyone to think he could just turn his back on that knowledge. The knowledge is what Dillon envied, he would have experimented at that age but it wasn’t possible.
Leaving Alan behind was hard, especially since he’d almost talked the boy into taking his virginity. It hadn’t happened; Alan had talked his way out of it. He was afraid, afraid of hurting the one he loved and even now Dillon felt the emotions wash over him.
He had left Alan with another lie; he didn’t really want to go home even if he said he did. No, this trip home was because of that love, he needed to protect it at all costs. But even four days away seemed like too much, they were connected now…committed. Yes, he would lie to protect what was his, and he wondered what Alan was feeling.
It was still early and yet Alan lay on his bed and stared up at the ceiling. He could smell Dillon on his pillow, the scent still lingered and it made him feel miserable. Four days, ninety-six hours…it seemed like an eternity. He wanted to cry.
But he understood, Dillon had to go home to his family. The boy had been so amazing this past weekend, no longer afraid of what they were feeling…what they shared. Alan sighed and felt a tear roll down his cheek. How could something so wonderful hurt so badly?
He’d had feelings for other boys, Neil in particular, but he had held back knowing Neil wasn’t ready for a commitment. Those first moments with Dillon had almost made him sick with anticipation, and then when the boy slid down the rocks into his arms…he wanted to scream with joy at the memory. Instead he sobbed…and then his phone rang.
“Hello?” Alan said.
“I love you,” Dillon said.
“Oh God…I love you too, where are you?”
“Standing at the airport in Boston. I feel sick about leaving you behind,” Dillon said.
“Oh…I miss you too,” Alan said.
“They’re calling my flight, I’ll call you when I get home,” Dillon said.
“Anytime…I’ll be here,” Alan said.
“Don’t sit around feeling bad, go see Red and Steve. Gotta go, love you.”
“I love you too…goodbye.”
“Bye,” Dillon said, and the phone went dead.
Alan smiled and wiped the tears off his face, what a sweetheart. And then he got up to change, he needed company and Red was probably home…he was always home. Alan grabbed the car keys and then stopped to look at the photo Dillon had given him sitting on the dresser. He kissed the picture and flew out the door, remembering he had to gas up before he went too far.
There was a line at the gas station, a sure sign of impending snow. Alan waited his turn and then filled the tank, better safe than sorry. He turned on the radio and searched for the news station, happening upon a weather report right off the bat.
“The storm off the Great Lakes might bring significant snowfall to northern New Hampshire. The National Weather Service predicts little precipitation tomorrow and we all know what that means. Keep an eye on the clouds folks; it might just build up quickly. We’ll probably know more by tonight, but Friday it looks like we might see some flakes beginning to fall by late afternoon. Stay tuned…” And Alan tuned off the radio and searched for music. Shit, he sure hoped Dillon wasn’t trapped in New York…that would suck big time.
Red and Steve were sitting in the living room going through boxes when Alan arrived.
“Hey Trevor, how’s it going?” Red asked. He’d been on this Trevor kick ever since he’d discovered Alan’s middle name. It had been amusing, but not today.
“Dillon is on his way home, I’m lost,” Alan said.
Steve patted the floor beside him. “Come sit with us, we discovered old records in the attic.”
“Yeah, my dad’s old stuff…mine now,” Red said. “I never heard of half these guys.”
“Do you have a turntable? I think my mom has one stashed away somewhere,” Alan said.
“Yeah, there’s one of those up there too, hope it works. Look at some of these titles.”
Alan looked at the albums in the pile. Beatles, Rolling Stones, The Who…this was all old sixties stuff.
“Some of this is worth money,” Alan said.
“Yeah, kinda what we thought too,” Steve said. “And some of these things were never even opened…virgin vinyl is worth a lot more.”
“There aren’t any virgins in this room,” Red laughed. “And damn few left at school too.”
“Dillon still is, I’m proud of that,” Alan said.
Steve smiled. “Good for you, his time will come.”
“So why the sudden interest in these old things?” Alan asked.
“Something to do while the snow falls, it might be a blizzard,” Steve said.
“I doubt that,” Alan said, hoping that was true.
“Let’s go find that turntable,” Red said.
He lasted until dinner time, and then Alan went home. He would help his mother roast a turkey tomorrow and they would sit down for a meal. The time would pass, Dillon would be back. It was the only thought that kept the tears at bay.
But Thanksgiving ended with a chill settling in over the New England countryside. And everyone seemed to hold their breath, since this was the time for winter to reassert itself. Neil and Jesse traveled the highways to Boston while the other gay boys settled in for their long weekend. And in far off Lansing Nora got up on Friday morning and felt restless so she called home and talked to Renny.
“Are you boys doing all right?” Nora asked.
“Yeah, Mom…everything is fine, what did you think?” Renny laughed.
“I hope you’re being nice to Adam.”
“I am, we’re having fun, and you don’t have to worry.”
“Yes, dear…you have my number, call me if you need anything,” Nora said.
“Okay, Mom…you have a good time too,” Renny said. “Good bye.”
“Bye dear,” And Nora hung up.
“So am I being nice to you?” Renny asked.
“Oh God…yes you are,” Adam groaned.
“Okay,” Renny said. “We have all night…no hurry.”
Adam collapsed on the bed. “You’re going to kill me.” And then he went off in a fit of laughter as Renny began to lick his stomach and worked his way up. “Ahh, God, I love you,” Adam moaned, grabbing the boy in a fierce hug. Everything seemed just so right.
And across town Pat and Mike stepped out on the front porch and looked up at the sky as the sun set. “Uh oh,” Pat said, as the snow flakes began to fall. “Here we go again.”