Gary sat in the cockpit looking through the trip logs from last year. They'd managed a long curving line across the Gulf from Key West towards Mexico, keeping that western track to avoid any problems with the Cuban authorities.
Cancun was only about six hundred miles away, but it had taken five days to get there last summer due to bad weather. Brass Balls had travelled slightly less than a thousand nautical miles in real distance. But then that had been a much needed five days of working the boat and getting acquainted with Jerry.
This was a safe and simple journey providing the winds favored the trip. Gary was more anxious to reach their destination this time. Once they reached the Yucatan they could spend time cruising up and down the coast. There were lots of beaches, private places to anchor and things to see. Jerry knew the routine and Chris would learn it.
To the best of his knowledge a boy with little or no sexual experience could adapt to anything if he kept an open mind. Taking Chris off on an adventure like this might just open his eyes to a lot of things.
"Let's go see what Max has in store for the afternoon. The sooner he finishes his magic the sooner we can leave this place for that other place," Gary said.
"I thought this was the place," Jerry said.
"It is, but sometimes a little distance makes you appreciate it better."
Max was sipping tea on the back patio in his kimono, Shelby was nowhere in sight.
"A shame to waste that wonderful face on something as droll as a passport," Max said, looking at the photos. "You're a very handsome creature...does Gary tell you that?"
"Yes," Chris said, his cheeks taking on a blush.
"Well he better because it's too true. So, would you like to help me feed my birds this morning?"
"Sure, that sounds like fun," Chris said. "Do they have names?"
Chris was going to charm the socks off the old man, Gary just knew it. This activity cut Jerry right out of the picture and he sat dejected over by the pool. Gary knew it was time to talk.
"So, what do you think of the new boy?" Gary asked.
Jerry smiled. "I suppose it's hard to watch him like this, I was like that once. Yeah, I'm jealous...he has your full attention now."
"You two are quite different people. Are you going to stay here this fall and go back to school?"
"I suppose I better or you and Max will be all over my case, won't you?"
"Yes, dear...it's what we do best. But I only want you to succeed in life because too many others have failed you. You have the guts I admire. I know you can be the very best."
"That helps, Gary...you've always been truthful with me. Sometimes I got the boot but I always remember the hugs. Maybe I'll join the Navy when I get out of school. Max said it worked for you."
"They'll teach you a lot, and there are more gay guys in uniform than you can imagine, you just have to be careful. You tend to be over the top sometimes but I put that down to your youth and inexperience."
"I won't mess with your boy, Gary. He's developed a case for you...you get that don't you?"
"I see it in his eyes, and...I'm flattered," Gary said.
"Aww, that's so sweet. Well, I'll take my cues from you. No messing around behind your back, okay?
"Yeah, Jerry...it's a long walk home from the Yucatan."
Jerry grinned, they understood one another. Gary could only wish the boy had a boyfriend by now. Nineteen was a tough age; it was like halfway to nowhere. Older gay men loved to imagine a relationship with someone like Jerry only to discover they had little in common. The boy needed a peer, and there were probably a low number of those in the Keys.
The islands were a tourist paradise but hardly a place where the younger set could flourish because it was just too damn expensive. Jerry didn't need some rich kid summer romance, he needed a partner and it was still too early in his short life to find one.
Shelby finally came shuffling out of the house in his bedroom slippers and a robe, a cup of much needed coffee in hand. Jerry smiled as he sat down.
"Now why is it Max is almost three times your age and yet he seems to hold up better after a night on the town?" Jerry asked.
Gary winced and was sure that Shelby was in no mood for joking around this early. But Shelby smiled at the dig.
"He feels it, but at his advanced age it takes longer for his brain to feel the pain."
Good comeback, Gary thought, and they all laughed. But Shelby wasn't finished quite yet. "I seem to recall some youngster sneaking out of Squeaky's pretty early last night. Did you have a hot date with a bottle of lube?"
Oh Lord, Shelby had struck back with a vengeance. Jerry smiled calmly. "That was a good one, two points. At least I wasn't so drunk that I had to say 'Not tonight Max' when I got home."
"You got me there, game goes to you," Shelby admitted.
"Lord you guys play hardball," Gary said. "Is it always like this?"
"Nope, sometimes he's so drunk he staggers into my room by mistake and I rock his world," Jerry said.
"Okay, like that will ever happen," Shelby said.
"A boy can dream can't he," Jerry said, batting his eyelashes.
"You guys are too crazy for me. Jerry needs to get laid, I know that much. Isn't there a football team at the high school?" Gary asked.
Shelby chuckled. "Yes, our young man here does need some love and affection."
"Not in this burg, I've already looked," Jerry said.
"Maybe you can kidnap a cute horny young guy when you get to Mexico. I saw a few of those when Max and I went down last Christmas," Shelby said.
"Yeah, and we could smuggle him into the county, Gary...would you?" Jerry asked.
"You want me to risk my life and the boat? Sure Jerry, anything for you...except maybe that," Gary said.
"I'd probably have a better chance down there than up here," Jerry said. "Maybe I'll find a nice horny Norwegian on vacation. Jah, du jou like Sven nakie?"
They howled with laughter at his imitation of the accent and Jerry stood up to take a bow. The boy always had a great sense of humor, but now he was using it to hide the pain.
"Lord knows what you'll find down there besides terribly homophobic Mexicans," Gary said. "But if you come up with anything reasonable I'll support you."
"And that's why you got to love this guy, he pries his wallet open in the name of lust...I mean love," Jerry said. "That football team is starting to look better and better, when's the season start?"
Max and Chris walked back over, both looking quite contented from their bird outing. "He's got birds that can talk," Chris informed them.
"Long as they don't talk to the cops we'll be just fine," Jerry said.
Max chuckled and went inside to start his passport building program while Gary produced a list of groceries they would need for the trip. He asked to borrow Shelby's car and took the keys. Chris said he would come along, while Jerry decided he ought to do his laundry and pack.
They drove out of town to the Super Mart off Route 1. It was easier than running here and there all over town. Chris was pretty quiet, staring out the window for most of the ride.
"You worried about such a long trip?" Gary asked as he parked the car.
"A little...Jerry seems a little weird today," Chris said.
Ah, there it was. Jerry was often hard to understand.
"Jerry is a good kid," Gary said. "He's frustrated a lot right now, and I think he's a bit jealous of you at the moment. He lost out with his sister and I know he feels stuck down here in the Keys."
"Yeah, I know about the jealous part. I can tell he misses what you guys had. I wonder if I'll ever feel that way."
"I hope not, we've barely begun to know each other," Gary said. "Look, Jerry couldn't give me what I wanted, and that was someone who would stick by me. He was all over the charts and that's why he went back to his sister. He knew a lot of gay boys up there, I just asked him to please be careful and to always use a condom. What else could I say, he was gonna mess around until he'd had enough."
"If I wasn't here...would you go back to loving him?"
"No, Chris...not like it was. I still do love him. I love all my boys because they need me to care about them. Jerry was in the worst possible situation at home, some people even threatened to kill him because of who he is. I took him away from all that and he loves me for saving him. But he wasn't in love with me enough to stick around.
"I'm a difficult person on occasion but it's probably because of my job…which you don't really know anything about. But I travel a lot and Jerry needed the constant attention I just couldn't manage to give him. It's not his fault.
"But you still think it will be good if he comes with us?"
"Yes, we already talked about that this morning. I told him I wanted you to be yourself and not be lead around by some crazy notion Jerry has. What you do with me is what you want to do but I never want you to feel like you have to do anything.
"I'm very happy with the Chris I know...what we have will only get better. I want to make your life so good...so happy. I think we need this trip to really understand one another. Something told me I needed to stop for you on the highway the other night. Do you believe in fate?"
"Fate...like what's gonna happen to us no matter what we do about it?"
"Yes, only more than that," Gary said. "The best of intentions often bringing us great reward. I have nothing but good intentions towards you."
"It's not the God thing then? I'm not very religious," Chris said.
"Neither am I. What I mean is that we all have a destiny...a place that life takes us, good or bad. When I look at you, sweetie, I know that life is taking me to a great place, I can feel it."
Chris gazed over at him and Gary could only smile. They were on the same road only it didn't have a name quite yet. The boy had little enough in life and was probably overwhelmed by these new trappings. But once he found his place then they could dare to love.
Even Jerry deserved love from someone, the kind that would blow his socks off. That person would have to be dominant and caring as the boy needed so much guidance. He could easily attract the wrong kind and in fact he was here because he'd done just that. Max had his spies everywhere and paid for the information just so it would be accurate. Jerry would never tell them the truth because he had a hard time admitting his mistakes.
But Max felt like a parent to all the boys Gary brought home. He felt they had to push these kids in the right direction, Gary understood, it had worked for him. Then one day they would grow up, turn out fine, and become something grand.
"What?" Chris said. "You were staring."
"I'll always have my eyes on you, I was just thinking about what you mean to me," Gary said.
"You're getting silly on me," Chris giggled. The boy was so delightful Gary wanted to take him right there in the car...instead they went shopping.
Gary explained about what they would need and what Mexico couldn't provide. Different countries meant different issues. Mexico wasn't a backwards country by any means, but the lazy North Americans loved creature comforts...like soft toilet paper.
They piled the cart with powdered milk and eggs, while Gary explained to Chris that pasteurization was an issue south of the border. He'd never had a stomach virus or infection while down there and didn't intend to start this trip. Chris was told he must never accept ice in a drink or consume a bottled product unless he had seen the cap come off with his own eyes...and maybe not even then.
When they ran out of goodies it would be time to come home, plain and simple. There were daily supplies and emergency supplies, the latter Gary already had aplenty but it paid to be careful...he bought more. There was a carton of condoms on the boat and Gary considered if that was enough. Yeah, Jerry didn't look like he needed any this time around.
If it was in bags or plastic containers Gary chose that first over the canned variety, weight was always an issue. They bought soups galore; meats ala dried and packed in foil. A lot of this stuff was stocked for the hurricane seasons down here so it suited their purpose quite well. Six hundred dollars poorer they were finally done. Gary was sad when it barely filled the car.
Back to town and down to the docks where the handy boy valets helped them carry the stuff on board. Gosh they sure looked...ahh...healthy. Chris laughed when he caught Gary looking and stuck out his tongue. There would be time to get even for that later.
Gary watched Chris fill the pantry shelves, along with every nook and cranny he could find. Chris seemed to take charge of the storage and Gary reminded him they had better remember where things were. That's when Chris revealed his system.
It was simple, too simple for Gary to have figured out. A to Z, left to right throughout the kitchen. Applesauce to vinegar, it was that easy. What a clever lad, very impressive. But they were both hot and sweaty by the time it was all done. Gary led them off to the hotel room for a shower and change of clothes.
Chris pulled his little tin box of joints out of his dirty shorts. "You don't approve of this stuff, do you?"
"There are so many other highs in life, Chris…getting stoned all the time isn't the answer to any of your problems. I will promise you this, if you back off smoking pot I will make it worth your while."
"What do you mean?"
Gary sighed. "Come sail with me, live with me a while and I will show you the world like you've never seen it, that's a promise."
Gary could see tears forming in Chris' eyes. His emotions were very close to the surface.
"You…you love me, don't you?" Chris asked.
Gary smiled. "I'm learning to…is that close enough?"
"I just wanted to know…" And Chris nodded.
"I understand…it's something you need. We're heading in the right direction but let's just give it some time. I want us to be in love, I hope you do too."
Chris smiled and then dumped the contents of his tin into the toilet. With a flush he had come to a decision and Gary felt proud. Now it was only a matter of getting Jerry to back off the drugs, and that would be more difficult.
They dressed and drove Shelby's car back to the house. It was almost dinner time and the grill in the backyard was sending up a cloud of smoke that drifted all the way up the street. Max was doing one of his Argentinean roasts which would be a real treat.
Chris took one look at the grill and laughed. "Your meat is burning," He said.
"I hope so," Max said, "It needs a good burnt crust to cook properly."
"Trust me," Gary said. "You have never tasted beef this good before."
"We'll find out in about twenty minutes," Max said.
Chris went in to the kitchen to help Shelby prepare salads and vegetables. Max offered Gary a beer and then smiled.
"Something has changed with your boy," He said.
"I think the introductions are about over, he wants love," Gary said.
Max smiled. "Let's hope this one works out, but you have all summer to find out."
He handed over Chris' passport and Jerry's as well. Gary compared the two, everything looked totally legitimate. On paper Gary now had two sons. Jerry and Chris Lewis...not bad for an almost middle aged gay man.
Most people would be horrified to think of a single gay man raising two boys and some of them would even be in the gay community. Loving young men was something Gary needed, not everyone could accept that. It fulfilled some inner need…some unrequited adolescent feeling.
But his teenage years had started off poorly and then he'd met Max. He now understood how important it was to nurture these young lives. Watching Chris grow would give him the greatest pleasure. Okay, so now they could go to Mexico, but first he had to give Max an assignment.
"Track the mother down, see what's going on with her," Gary said. "I want to meet her if possible. Maybe she can clean up her act, I don't know. But if Chris is going to stay that would ease his mind a bit."
"Sure, I'll get right on it," Max said. "Do you think he's the one?"
"He isn't sure of anything just yet. Bad mother, no father...I'm the man in his life. But I don't want to be his parent, you understand that. I have to let him decide what's important in life and love is a good place to start."
"Jerry will feel the odd man so keep an eye on him down there. He's so wound up I don't know what he's going to do." Max looked over at the grill. "But if he doesn't come home soon he's going to miss dinner."
"Where did he go?" Gary asked.
"He spent the afternoon doing laundry and packing, but then he said he had to run an errand and he's been gone for hours."
"I need to get him out of here…tomorrow sounds good."
Sailing had always been Gary's means of escape, and right about now it would do Jerry a world of good. Brass Balls had taken him away from his troubles so many times. There was something about facing the wide open ocean that made a man feel good about himself and the world around him.
Gary had begun to have those disconnected feelings in life when he was in fourth grade, about age ten. There was no one to explain why he wasn't interested in girls because he was alone with those feelings. But every boy knew the harsh realities of being different. Those who didn't fit in were ostracized and often bullied.
Sailing off the Outer Banks in North Carolina in a little battered dinghy gave Gary time to think, and what he came to understand about himself was far from welcome news. If anyone found out what he was thinking then he would be in for a world of hurt. At the time he didn't consider what it would mean at home, it was his peer group that terrified him.
Gary had been a Cub Scout, played Little League baseball and took karate lessons three times a week after school. It did nothing to change the feelings, but it gave him self assurance and the strength to face reality. And then he met Stan.
Stan Cooper was also twelve years old, but taller than all the other boys that age in karate class. Gary was in awe of the boy's good looks and muscular body, although by that time his own physique was showing promise. Stan might be his age, but from what he saw in the locker room Gary knew the boy was far ahead in other ways.
Sexual attraction was something new for Gary, but what he felt for Stan only confirmed that earlier assessment of his desires. For his part Stan was shy about his physical development, but that only gave Gary further incentive to develop a friendship. Stan might be as well developed as a teenager, but he was still very child-like.
By this time in life Gary was a fairly accomplished sailor, and it was only natural that he would invite Stan along for the thrill. Both sets of parents blessed the friendship and so Gary was allowed to have Stan down to the beach on summer weekends.
They would dress in their gi, the white karate uniforms they wore, and workout on the beach at dawn. By then Gary sensed that Stan was just as enthralled with the fighting style. But it was out on the tiny sailboat that they shared their innermost thoughts, and Gary discovered that Stan was just like him.
Being queer scared them both, and yet there was comfort in knowing one another. For Gary it was a chance to discover the thrill of what two boys could do with their bodies. In Stan he had found a willing partner in sex and a confidant to discuss what it all meant. And in those quiet and very private moments in the dunes they explored everything.
Although that was a summer to remember, it was also the only one he would ever share with Stan. People would come and go throughout Gary's life, but when Stan left to follow his parents back north it felt like the end of childhood.
The familiar things in his life hadn't changed, he still sailed and worked on his karate, but these moments were empty without Stan. Even the transition from one grade to the next brought no sense of triumph, but it did bring trouble. Whereas Gary had been willing to let things slide before Stan came along, he wasn't like that anymore.
Terry Perkins was the first boy to discover the change in Gary, and he had plenty of time to think about it while he lay in the hospital with a broken collarbone. So many of the schoolyard bullies had left Gary alone when he had Stan beside him, but the fools didn't stop to consider that he was just as dangerous all by himself.
Terry taunted him in class, and then wouldn't leave it alone. With the backing of several ignorant friends he carried the bad attitude out to the basketball court during lunch period. Witnesses would tell Mr. Stryker that Terry and three of his friends went after Gary first, but the principal could hardly believe that one boy could do so much damage to four others at one time.
Barry and Steve grabbed Gary from behind and he allowed himself to be held just to see what they were planning to do. That was all well and good until Terry stood in front of him and called Gary a little queer, telling everyone that the boy wasn't so brave without his boyfriend around.
Steve's nose was broken with an elbow jab and Barry's balls barely survived the bashing they received from Gary's foot. Todd ran away with only a black eye leaving Terry alone to face the wrath of an angry boy with plenty of karate experience. Terry made a swing, Gary grabbed his arm and quickly broke the collarbone with the edge of his hand, and the fight was over.
The harsh part of his day came when Gary had to tell his father he'd been suspended along with the others involved. Gary got the belt and was grounded for a week, all for defending himself. By then he was used to his father's irrational behavior, only this time he knew why. Terry's father was one of the bank's good clients. This was his father's means of damage control.
But after the fury had died down, Terry and Gary were forced to face one another and apologize. He did it while standing at the foot of Terry's hospital bed looking up at the metal rack holding Terry together. And just to show he was the bigger man of the two Gary came back the following day to visit the poor kid and brought him something to read.
It was odd, but somewhere in all this stupid behavior Gary had begun to respect the boy who felt strong enough to face him in battle. The outcome was that they became friends and were known around the school as the odd couple.
Life as he knew it came to an end when Gary's father caught them in bed together. Terry was sent home in the dark while Gary took another beating with the belt. And something inside snapped, he wasn't going to take this crap anymore. To his mind he had done nothing wrong, he was gay and that's what he told his parents. It was the last conversation he would ever have with them.
Being tossed out of the house at ten o'clock that night was a shock, except his mother packed a few necessities in his back pack and dropped it out the bedroom window. He looked up at her and saw the tears streaming down her face, it was the final picture he had of her in his head.
Gary walked for miles until a fisherman gave him a ride over to the interstate. By then Gary had discovered the three hundred dollars his mother had placed in his wallet buried deep in the pack. With that he walked to the Waffle House and had an early breakfast. It was mid-October and the weather would soon grow cold, even in North Carolina.
Gary found a talkative trucker and began to hitch rides. It took him almost ten days to reach Key West. It was about as far from his father as he could go and that's what he wanted. Looking back, he realized it was a stupid move, he didn't know a soul on the island. And then he met Max.
A couple of the truckers had tried to make moves on him after he hitched a ride with them, but Gary had claimed he had a venereal disease which stopped the advances and usually ended the ride. Max appeared to be a quiet, and yet very intense person. He told Gary he needed a bath and some food. There was no arguing with that, Gary was almost broke by this point.
The man lived in a tiny cottage which Gary was to learn sat behind the home of that famous author Ernest Hemmingway, which was now a museum. Max made him two fish sandwiches and a bowl of the best chili Gary had ever tasted, and then they sat down to talk.
"What brings you here?" Max asked.
In reply, Gary blurted out the whole sordid affair. Max sat quietly nodding, and then finally smiled into the silence that developed between them.
"I'm gay, too…there are lots of us down here. I suppose you know that I can get into a lot of trouble, you're only fourteen, and no one will support that. Oh hell, you can stay with me here, but we'll need to set some rules first…"
The talking stopped because Gary had thrown himself into Max's arms…and with the way he still felt about the man he'd never left the comfort of those hugs. The years had flown by, and yet they were careful years. Gary had become Max's long lost son and he had the documents to prove it, the islanders accepted them at face value.
Gary settled into the routine of Max's life all the way through high school and then went off to college in Miami. He was home every weekend until he received that engineering degree, and then it was off to the Navy with Max's blessing.
He saw nothing wrong with keeping his sexual preferences to himself, that wasn't anyone else's business. But if being a gay sailor wasn't an issue, choosing a career within the service was. Engineering was fine, the Navy wanted him, but Gary didn't see himself building bridges or blowing them up.
So, he was sitting in a Navy office up in Jacksonville when the biggest, meanest black man he had ever seen walked in and you could hear a pin drop in the room. The man walked over and plopped down in a chair next to Gary.
"Hi," The man said. "Tommy Brixton."
"Gary Lewis."
"What brings you here?" Tommy asked.
"Career path…I have to choose one," Gary said.
"Yeah, crunch time. I don't need to choose, Special Warfare for me all the way."
"The Seals? That's a tough outfit," Gary said, and then he smiled. "You'll do just fine."
They waited a long time to see the job counselor, and by the time Gary walked through the office door he knew he was going to join the Seals. As the poster said, the Seals didn't require a college degree, just the proper frame of mind and the balls to be the best. Gary knew he had both.
Navy Seal training is the toughest in the world and Gary thought about quitting more than once during that first year. But every time he did Tommy pulled him back from the brink. They endured seven weeks of physical training, seven weeks of diving school, seven weeks of warfare followed by jump school.
All that just to face six months of hell known as qualification training. By then all those who had survived were different men and they passed the final tests to begin specialized training. It was here Gary sought to become an officer and was sent north to Virginia to begin his leadership training.
He studied tactics and counter-terrorism for nearly a year, along with a dozen other skills. Occasionally his billet would allow him to see Tommy and several others he now considered friends. They were each on the fast track to graduation…and then Saddam happened.