"Mathematics has a lot to do with logic, guys. You understand that by adding two and two you get four. If you take away half of that you're back at two again. Logic says if you do something and then undo it you go right back to where you started. Am I making sense?"
A hand went up so at least one of the four kids wasn't asleep. "Linda, go ahead," Mark said.
"Does it matter how long you wait before you take that half away and go back to the first two?"
Bright kid, ignorant question, or is it? "Linda we're studying simple mathematics here. But to answer your question I would have to leave that simple math behind and branch out into, say physics. In physics, time is relevant to the equation but not here in seventh grade math. Okay, does that help?"
"I've been reading Stephen Hawking's new book," Linda said.
"That's great," Mark said. "I haven't had the time to get that one yet. How about when you finish the book we sit and talk about your impressions. Would you like that?"
Linda nodded her head and they moved back to the math problem on the board. As Mark already knew, Linda was famous for picking up books that were way over her head. Fortunately, she finished very few of them so he was to be spared the twelve-year-old angle on the Big Bang theory.
The timer went off on his desk with a quiet beeping, signaling the end of class. Wainwright had no class changing bells because they scared some of the kids. Some teachers often forgot to set the timers, it made for a loose classroom structure which Leo didn't seem to mind.
This was the third month of his tenure and what an adventure the past ninety days had been. Mark had only eight tutoring classes a week which left him with entirely too much time on his hands.
With the advent of spring, Leo had decided Mark could help out in the sports department by coaching the middle school girl's field hockey team. The what? He had exclaimed rather loudly that his lack of experience in this area wouldn't help these girls at all. The good doctor had handed him a rule book and smiled. He would have to learn.
Ronny commiserated on the newly appointed position and sat down with him to read the rules. In fact there were few, it was a lot like ice hockey only they played on grass. Encouraged by his new knowledge Mark faced the fifteen girls on the team with hope…hope that he wouldn't make a complete ass of himself.
Ronny played soccer with the senior school boy's team. Calling it team play was a sad joke as there were never any games against opposing teams. Wainwright would never find itself on a list to play the regular schools. The school board figured these kids couldn't handle it.
But these special needs kids became fiercely competitive once they had learned the game and sometimes Leo had to call off a match to let them cool down. With fifteen girls Mark could field two teams and play them off each other. In two months of practice he had them up and running. It took several of the girls a lot less time to fall for the coach.
Ronny's attempts at seduction had cooled down since that first night at the apartment. Mark was enjoying his companionship a lot better this way and hoped the boy wasn't just regrouping for another go. But nothing else occupied his mind today except that it was Ronny's fifteenth birthday.
By school tradition lunchtime was the birthday celebration for students. Paul had whipped up a big cake to honor his favorite student and had hidden it in the big walk-in refrigerator. At the end of the lunch period it would be brought into the dining hall, and until then it was Mark's job to distract Ronny and keep him out of the kitchen.
The boy had been off the wall all morning and Katherine had taken a turn at keeping him focused while excusing him from classes for the day. There had been no word from Ronny’s parents, not even a card. The fact that it was a Friday meant that his parents could have taken the day off and driven over here. Their lack of attention only gave the staff more reason to pamper the boy.
Mark had bought the boy two gifts. One would be given at lunch and the other in a private ceremony later at the apartment. Not because the second gift was outrageous, it was only a wristwatch, but because Mark wanted to say some things that were meant for Ronny's ears only.
The first gift had been prompted by the girls on the hockey team. Ronny was spending so much time helping out that they had secretly adopted him as their mascot. Mark had the T-shirt store at the mall make up another jersey much like the girls wore. But this one had a big green 15 on the back with Ronny's name above it and the words Wainwright Hockey Mascot on the front.
Grabbing the box with the shirt, Mark made a bee line for the dining hall. The room was buzzing with conversation as the older students filed in for their trays. Ronny held his usual post at the end of the line, always ready to help some of the more handicapped kids carry their food to a table. No wonder he was so well liked by the other students. Ronny smiled when he caught sight of the package.
"Hi, Mr. Ryan, whatcha got there?"
"Whatcha? Wait until I tell your English teacher. And this? It's just some dirty laundry," Mark laughed.
"Sure, I understand," Ronny beamed.
Mark placed the gift on the birthday table and went to collect his lunch from Paul who winked like a co-conspirator. "We have pizza rolls and salad or hot dogs and beans," He said. Mark took the salad.
The lunch part ended quickly and then the staff and students sang the birthday song for Ronny. He blushed through the entire thing and gasped when Paul presented the cake. As expected he carefully opened each package, folding the paper and exclaiming his profuse thanks to each of the givers. Mark's package was left for last and Ronny kept glancing at him standing at the back of a crowd of well wishers.
Finally he got to the box and opened it with haste. The green and white shirt was displayed to everyone and then he just had to put it on. The students filed out and the staff filtered back to classes, leaving Katherine and Mark to help Ronny clean up the debris.
Leo and Katherine had given him a personal CD player that came with headphones, but they forgot to get the batteries. This was the first one Ronny had ever owned and he was excited despite the fact that he didn't own any CD's.
Maybe it was foolish but Mark volunteered the information that not only did he have a supply of batteries but also an extensive CD collection. As they finished with the cleanup chores, Ronny was over in the corner whispering to Katherine. She looked over at Mark and shrugged, her head nodding in assent to some request the boy was making.
It wasn't until Ronny walked over to the apartment that he let Mark know what Katherine had approved. He had asked to spend the night just so he could listen to CD's.
Mark thought about calling Katherine and telling her not to approve of such things without consulting him first. But it was Ronny's birthday and the thought of him spending the evening alone in his room was just too harsh. Damn those parents anyway.
But he wanted to have a serious talk about life with the boy and maybe this would facilitate the discussion. Lately Mark had thought of examining Ronny's roots in the Native American community. Here was an opportunity to educate the boy about his ancestors and share something positive they could learn together.
Unfortunately that image of Ronny's sexual display still seemed to fill his night time fantasies and Mark needed to let that go. But a talk might do them both good he figured, they needed to work through this problem.
They ordered a pizza delivery for dinner and Ronny thought that was pretty special. So many things that other kids took for granted were unfamiliar to Ronny. Mark thought that was a sad commentary on the boy’s life but it served as the inspiration for the changes he had planned.
Mark gave Ronny batteries for the CD player and opened the box that contained his music collection. Nothing he owned was sentimental or valuable and he offered Ronny the chance to browse at will. Watching him on the couch playing with his new watch, his head bobbing to some unknown tune, Mark suddenly wished he was young again.
If they had met when he was a teenager maybe he wouldn't have the same paranoia about his preferences. Nothing Ronny had said indicated that he was gay. To him sex was fun, an outward sign of his affection for someone.
The sun was setting behind the trees across the lake and Mark closed the heavy drapes before going into the kitchen and making a small pot of coffee. There were movies on DVD that might fill some of their time. His collection specialized in adventure and comedy since he felt gratuitous violence was anti-social. Besides, who in their right mind would encourage an emotionally challenged boy to watch violence?
Ronny soon tired of listening to music and decided they should watch a film. He installed the disc and settled back on the couch as the credits rolled. As they watched Jim Carrey play the role of a pet detective Ronny slumped on the couch until he kicked off his shoes and lay back with his feet in Mark's lap. Like most boys his feet smelled bad from sweat and dirty socks.
"Ronny, when did you last change your socks?" Mark asked.
"Yesterday, or maybe Wednesday," he replied.
"Your feet smell, buddy."
"Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Ryan, let me take my socks off.
"It would probably help," Mark said. "And I've decided you should call me Mark. It seems the school doesn't mind if you use my first name and I think it will make you feel more like my friend."
"Yes, thank you, Mark."
"And Ronny, I found out who Brian was."
"He was my teacher, like you are."
"I know, but he did things teachers aren't supposed to do with their students, didn't he?" Mark said, pushing the pause button on the film.
"I told you it was all right. Except for the butt thing Brian was good to me, just like you are."
"But I can be good to you without having any sex."
"I know," Ronny said, "you don't like that with me. I just thought I could give you something back for being so nice."
"But why sex? Can't you just be my friend and let me enjoy your companionship?"
"Yes, but I still have to do things, you know, for myself?"
"Sure, I understand, all boys do and even men," Mark said.
"If men do it does that mean you do it too?"
Aw crap. He nodded figuring there was no sense in lying about it to the boy. Had he ever considered sex with a girl?
"Don't you want to have sex with girls?" Mark asked.
"I wanted to do it with Jennifer last year," Ronny said. "She said no, but that's okay."
"You're still pretty young to be having sex at all."
"That's what Katherine says. She thinks I should wait until I'm eighteen. Brian said I might get girls pregnant and that would be a bad thing. I like sex with guys because no one gets pregnant."
"Is that something Brian told you?"
"Yes, how did you know?" Ronny asked.
Brian was obviously quite a manipulator. Convincing Ronny that sex with girls meant pregnancy and then playing on the fear.
"I agree with Katherine, I think you should wait."
"But you wouldn't have sex with me even if I was eighteen," Ronny said.
How could he explain this to the boy? Even at eighteen, Ronny would not be adult enough for any man. But even developmentally handicapped people marry and have sex, where did that leave Ronny?
"But you're not eighteen, and so we don't need to think about that," Mark said. Maybe this would be enough of an excuse.
"So I can only have sex with myself and that stinks," Ronny said.
He was right, it did stink. Speaking from personal experience the solo act just did not satisfy. Where was the human contact, the sharing of emotion? Mark knew why Ronny hugged. No one would think of hurting you when they were being hugged, it was safe mode. Hugging was validation, an emotional release. Ronny's hugs provided a sense of release and wasn't that what masturbation was all about?
Mark turned the film back on and allowed himself the small pleasure of massaging the boy's feet. Ronny giggled when his toes were touched. Subconsciously Mark was getting aroused by the touching so he stopped.
At fifteen there was little else a boy could do at the school. Mark's experiences back then had all been with boys his own age. Swim team, Boy Scouts, what would he have done if an older man had approached? It had never happened although he had fantasized about older guys.
In adolescence Mark had several close friends and some of those relationships had been sexual. It played a part in his development. But none of them knew what he was thinking either. Being labeled homosexual didn't bother him since it was already a part of his identity at Ronny's age.
But circle jerks were commonplace in youth. Didn't boys do the same thing here? It wouldn't be easy with all the supervision at the school. In the woods they might, didn't Ronny say he and Brian went there? Katherine seemed to think it was going on
Ronny pulled his feet from Mark's lap and pushed himself up into the far corner of the couch. He wasn't watching the film anymore and Mark had been quiet for too long.
"Bored?"
"What are you thinking?" Ronny asked.
"About sex," Mark said.
His eyes brightened and Ronny smiled. "I thought so...what about it?"
"Have you considered finding someone your own age to play with here at the school?"
"You must be kidding, these dummies? It would be all over the school the first time it happened."
"Like Jennifer and Malloy?"
"You got it," Ronny sighed. "Brian was safe because neither of us would talk about it. He was gay, did you know that?"
Mark shook his head. That didn't excuse the predatory behavior, in fact Brian should have known better.
"I started it," Ronny said.
"But you said he wanted things you didn't like. Was that a lie?"
"No. I just wanted to play around once I found out he was gay."
"Did he tell you he was gay?" Mark asked.
"I guessed at first. There was just something about him. When he looked at me I knew he was thinking about sex. He was my dorm proctor and I saw the way he watched us in the showers. I could tell he was looking at my crotch."
"So the scene you pulled in my bathroom was a test, you wanted to see if I was like Brian?" Mark asked.
"I thought you were gay too," Ronny said.
"You were hoping. Have I been looking at your crotch or watching the boys taking showers?"
"No...not that I've noticed. But you don't have a girlfriend."
"You don't know my friends, do you?" Mark said a little too loudly.
"Sorry, I'm being nosey," Ronny replied. "This was just about having fun with you."
"Our friendship doesn't have anything to do with if I am gay or not. Gay men shouldn't have sex with boys anyway. But I guess you backed Brian into a corner didn't you? Were you going to reveal his secret?"
"No," Ronny said, "I didn't want to hurt him."
"Don't you think you at least scared him? Wasn't he afraid that someone would find out?"
"He said he had to leave because he was enjoying it too much," Ronny said. "He decided to go back to school as an excuse for leaving. He said he loved me."
Lord, what a mess. "Are you sure he didn't just love the sex? I think if Brian had really loved you he wouldn't have allowed it to happen."
"I walked in on him jerking off in his office. He was watching the boy's soccer team through the window and didn't hear me come in. I got hard and started jerking off too, Brian and I just watched each other finish. That's all I wanted to do but Brian taught me other things and I liked it. Maybe I'm gay?"
"Oh, Ronny, you're too young to make that decision," Mark said.
"Am not, how old were you when you first had sex with another guy?" Ronny asked.
Bastard. "My sex life is not part of this discussion,"
"It should be…you had sex with Tony," Ronny said, and then immediately clapped a hand over his mouth. Mark could tell that he regretted saying the name.
"Tony," Mark stammered. "Tony? What do you know about that? How could you know? How the fuck do you know about Tony?"
"You told me," Ronny said. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything."
Oh Lord, did I tell him? He wouldn't, he'd never told anyone. Ronny was staring at him with those big brown cow eyes, a look of innocence. What was going on here?
"I've never said anything about Tony. I've never told anyone," Mark said.
"You never said it in words," Ronny explained, "It was the words in your head."
"My mind? But how...what are you talking about?" Mark said. "You read minds?"
Ronny looked frightened but he nodded slowly. "But you can't tell."
What? This had to be some kind of trick, he couldn't...or could he?
"You have to explain this to me, I don't understand," Mark said, working to calm himself down. He could feel his body trembling and he attempted to control his anger...or was it fear?
"I don't know why it happens," Ronny said. "When I get close to people their feelings come to me like words in my head."
"If I thought of a number in my head would you know what it is?"
"Maybe…it doesn't always work. Six, was that it?"
Mark wasn't thinking about the number six, but wait. He had just flashed a memory of his uncle who used to do magic tricks. Pulling a silver dollar out from behind his ear. He was six at the time. Six, he had thought of being six years old.
"This is weird, Ronny. Does anyone else know that you can do this?"
"Katherine does, I told her. She said it was best if we kept it our little secret."
"Did Brian know" Mark asked.
Ronny laughed. "I never told him."
"But you used it against him, didn't you? You used it against me."
"I know that you wanted to watch me in the bathroom. Having you watch felt awesome," Ronny said. "I know you enjoyed it."
Of course, he had felt blank because the boy was reading his thoughts. "Okay, I have a few… no, I have so many questions," Mark began. "Will you tell me about this ability, can you be honest with me? How did it first happen?"
"I'm half Indian, but you know that. You say Native American but the Oneida people just say Indian. My mother's people still speak of the old ways before time was written down in words. She knew when I was little that a spirit lived inside of me.
"My great-grandmother was a spirit healer of the people, and she told me that when I was little. She said I would walk alone because of the spirit inside of me. I couldn't understand the feelings when I was younger, they confused me.
"My father believed it was all nonsense. He said I was sick in my head. I could barely read and write because the thoughts of those around me confused my thinking. My mother tried to understand and work with me. My father put me in an institution where I saw the most horrible thoughts I ever encountered."
"You were in a mental facility? But you were never in need of that kind of treatment," Mark said.
"My father did it to push me away. I was an embarrassment to him."
"Did you hear him say that?" Mark asked, but he already knew the answer. Ronny had heard it in his own way.
"I didn't care what he thought, he just made me angry. That place caused me to fall deeper inside myself. It was the only way to quiet the feelings of those around me. I know what you think, Mark. You think I play the dummy when I'm really smart, but it isn't like that at all.
"I have to shut things out or they take me over sometimes. It wasn't until I came here that my mind was able to slow down and understand what the feelings were telling me. Katherine thinks I took control when my body changed."
"And she's known all this time," Mark said. "Do you think she knows you'll tell me about this...this spirit?"
"I told her that you would accept me if I did."
And what else does she know about me, Mark thought? The look of alarm on his face caused Ronny to laugh.
"No, don't worry. She doesn't know anything personal about you. I would never tell your secrets."
"You mean I still have some secrets left? You seem to know so much about me already."
"And it scares you, I can tell," Ronny said. "Just imagine how scary it was before I could understand what was going on. To me it's been a curse."
"Oh, this explains so much," Mark said. "My thoughts must have really confused you when we first met. I'm sorry, Ronny."
"No need to be sorry. Maybe now you understand why sex is so overwhelming to me."
"Yes, I imagine it is," Mark said. "Did you get overwhelmed with Brian?"
"No, but I tried too. His mind was...I didn't like what he was thinking. I tried to keep our minds apart and understand just my own feelings. But you're different. I know you think I'm too young. I'm your student and that stops you from feeling what we could have together. But I wish that just once you would allow me to share my feelings with you."
"Share your feelings?"
"Yes, I can do it, but I've never had the chance to try it with anyone," Ronny said.
"And you want me to try? This is a test isn't it? And I thought I was the teacher."
Ronny smiled. "Kiss me on the lips and we'll find out."
"Just a kiss, nothing more?"
"Just a kiss."
The boy moved towards him on the couch and leaned forward. His eyes were open and full of warmth. What will I feel, Mark wondered? He leaned towards Ronny and closed his eyes as their lips met.
The warmth of the boy's mouth seemed to surround him. He suddenly felt immense joy and happiness, as if the kiss opened a doorway into a well of untapped emotions that had been suppressed for years.
If asked to define what he felt at that moment Mark would have blathered like an idiot. There were no words inside his mind, only feelings and they were all centered on Ronny. He loves me, Mark thought, and suddenly he knew he was feeling Ronny's thoughts.
Ronny pulled away and smiled. "Yes, you felt me."
"It was incredible," Mark said
"I love my mother and Katherine," Ronny said. "But I would like to love you."
"I know, I felt it," Mark said. "How did you do that?"
"I looked at your heart and felt it beating with mine. I think we shared that moment for a reason, Mark."
Mark stared at the boy, knowing that anything he thought would be taken in by this spirit Ronny possessed. He knew nothing of what gave Ronny this power, and then something else occurred to him. What else could the boy do or was mind reading the only thing he'd learned so far?
"Ronny…do you understand where this all came from? Do you know what this spirit wants from you?"
Ronny shrugged. "No…it's something from the past. Katherine says it's a gift, but it worries her."
"It worries me too," Mark said. "It worries me because without some understanding of what it is you don't know where it's going to lead you."
"I know, but you're my tutor…I think you were meant to help me understand."
"I'll do whatever I can," Mark said. "But you have to make me a promise or this will never work."
"Okay…what do you want?" Ronny asked.
"There's only room for one of us in my head. I need you to stop looking at my thoughts all the time. Can you promise me that?"
"I can…I will. Then you'll just have to pay attention to your dreams."