Sky’s the Limit
Book Two

 Chapter Six

Jonah’s Nightmare 

Jonah’s anguished cry spurred Chip to rush to his side. Jonah dropped the letter, falling to the hard, cold floor, curling into a ball beside the discarded letter that had, with mere words, ripped his soul apart; on top of all that had happened, it was just... too much, he couldn’t take it anymore. Scooping up the letter, Chip glanced at it, while Reese tried to grab Jonah and was shouting, “What is it Jonah? Tell me what happened!”   

“Reese, call Tom and tell him I think Jonah’s having a panic attack. Then call Billy and tell him to get home now,” Chip stated firmly. 

Reese did as ordered and left as Chip grabbed Jonah’s arms, saying, “Jonah, it’s going to be okay.  Calm down. I’m here. Billy’s on his way.  Calm down.” 

Jonah jerked away from him, shouting obscenities, then curling back up into a ball, shaking, crying, and wailing uncontrollably.  Chip and Reese tried to hold and comfort him—to no avail. Tom arrived in a short while, and with Chip and Reese holding him, injected Jonah in the hip with a sedative.  

In a few moments, the shaking and screaming was over.  By that time Billy had arrived, and had run to Jonah and scooped him into his arms. “Jonah, Jonah, it’s going to be okay. Chip and I are here.  Whatever it is, we’ll be here. We love you, Jonah. It’s going to be okay.”  Jonah buried his face in Billy’s shoulder and continued to sob.   

Jonah could hear Tom talking to Chip.  “He’ll eventually go to sleep.  I gave him a pretty strong dose of the only sedative I had. He needs some chlorpromazine, an anti-psychotic; I just didn’t have any handy.  I’ll order some though.  If you know how to get in touch with Margaret at home, you probably will want her to come tomorrow.  Take all his meds out of his room and lock them away, as well as anything sharp in the bathroom.  I’m worried.  Margaret may want to hospitalize him; she will have to talk to him regardless.  That was a panic attack; he could lapse into depression or worse.  I should’ve known this was coming.  Whatever was in that letter was the last straw.  He definitely shouldn’t be left alone.”   

“I’ll stay with him,” Reese volunteered.  

“Reese, that’s okay.  We’ll be here, and Billy or I can stay with him tonight,” Chip replied. “We may need you later, though.” 

“I’ll do whatever, but I really would like to stay.  Mom’s probably already passed out anyway.” 

Chip was silent for a moment and then said, “Okay, Reese, you can stay in the guest room.  We’ll take shifts sitting with him,” Billy replied after looking for a nod of affirmation from Chip.

“I feel like a fool,” Jonah finally said through his sobs. 

Billy stroked his head and said, “Shhhh, Jonah, it’s okay; you’re not a fool.  I’m surprised a breakdown of some sort hasn’t happened before now.  God knows you’ve been incredibly strong.  We’re here for you.  We’re going to get you to bed.”   

“Let me,” Reese said as he came over and scooped Jonah up in his arms and carried him to his room.  Tom followed them, and the minute Jonah was in the bed, Tom was checking his pulse.   

“I’ll be back first thing in the morning.  I have rounds at the hospital at seven so expect me around six.  Don’t give him any more meds except his regular dose of Prozac.  I just gave him a sedative. Margaret will probably want to up his anti-depressant dosage after this, and possibly more.”  

“Thank you, Tom, I’ll stay with him for a while now,” Billy said. “Reese, why don’t you run down and get your things and get settled in?  I’ll stay with him till Tom gets back in the morning, then I’ll need to get some rest. You and Chip can work out who gets which shift after that. Would you please get that old rocker of Dad’s out of Chip’s room for me and bring it in here?” 

By the time Reese returned, Jonah had fallen asleep.  Billy was sitting on the bed stroking his head, which was the last thing Jonah remembered till he woke up the next morning with Tom standing over him taking Jonah’s pulse again.  “Good morning, Jonah.  How do you feel?” 

“Sore all over, a headache, and very stupid,” he said. 

“Not surprising.  You had a serious panic attack.  When that happens, all your muscles tense or contract, which can sometimes even cause convulsions.  You were close to having them, which was why I gave you a pretty heavy sedative.  You’re lucky I was at home.  There’s absolutely nothing to feel stupid or foolish about.  It’s normal, given what all you’ve been through and then getting shocking news.  The human mind can only handle so much before there’s an overload.  By the way, Margaret will be by later.” 

“Thanks. I’m sorry I’m so much trouble.  Where’s Billy?” 

“He just went to the bathroom; then he’s going to get some rest.  He stayed up all night with you right there in that chair,” Reese said, entering the room. 

“Good morning.  Did you stay here last night?  I don’t remember much.  Did you bring me to the bedroom?” 

“Yep to both.  You’re not that heavy. I bench press more than you weigh,” he said with a laugh. 

“Thanks.”   

“Chip’s running errands this morning.  I’m staying with you while he’s out.” 

“I don’t need a babysitter,” Jonah said flatly. 

“I beg to differ,” Tom spoke up.  “Either someone stays with you till Margaret gives the okay or I put you in the hospital. Your choice.” 

“I’ll take the sitter,” Jonah replied somewhat sheepishly. 

“Jonah, even when you go to the bathroom, do not lock the doors.  Another panic attack can happen, and we have to be able to get to you.  You understand?” 

“Yes, sir, I understand,” he replied. 

“Okay, I have to get to the hospital.  I’ll check on you again later today.  I’m going to give you one dose of your pain meds and Prozac before I go.  It’ll help you relax.” 

“Thanks.” 

He handed Jonah some pills and a glass of water. After Tom left, Reese said, “Billy left some breakfast for you in the kitchen.  Will you be okay while I go nuke it and bring it back?” 

“Yeah, I’m still sort of groggy anyhow.” 

“I’ll bet.  You had a rough night.  I’ll be right back.” 

Just then, Billy appeared at the door with a tray. “Don’t bother, Reese. I heard him talking to Tom and I went ahead and heated it.  Here ya go.  Now I’m going to bed.” 

“Thanks, Billy, for everything. I mean it. I’m soooo sorry.” 

“You, young man, have absolutely nothing to apologize for.  We just want you to get better, and we’re going to help you get past this. I promise you will.  We all promise.  You may not get over it, but you’ll get past it.  You got it,” he said smiling at Jonah. 

“I got it. Thanks.” 

“Just feel better.  That’s thanks enough.” 

“K.” 

After he left, Reese sat in Chip’s rocking chair, now next to Jonah’s bed. “So ya wanna talk, or do you want to just eat in peace?” 

“Do you know what was in the letter?” Jonah asked. 

“Yeah. I’m so sorry, Jonah.  I mean that.  It was a pretty crummy letter.” 

“That’s just it, dammit.  Sky’s not like that.  That’s so not like him that it’s just impossible.  I still don’t believe it.  His mom or someone else was behind that.  I don’t understand.” 

“Don’t dwell on it now, Jonah. It could make you have another one of those attacks.  Let’s change the subject.  Let me tell ya some juicy stuff about some of the guys you met last night.” 

“K, tell me about Kat and Nora.  What’s the deal with Kat and the kinky makeup.  She talked like a vampire or something.  She’s creepy as hell.” 

“Yeah, that’s Kat.  Totally Goth.  I think she really believes she’s a vampire.” He chuckled. 

They sat there and talked about Reese’s friends for over an hour. Reese helped Jonah to the bathroom and back to bed.  Soon the meds and exhaustion kicked back in, and Jonah fell asleep, hearing Reese’s strangely soothing voice as he drifted off.  

Soon Jonah was dreaming.  He was back in Alabama.  He was back in Dex’s jeep with his friends.  Doug’s truck was behind them, catching up.  When he looked back again, it wasn’t Zach he saw but Sky. Sky was about to die, and Jonah knew it was coming.  Doug’s truck hit Dex’s jeep, and Sky was shouting at Jonah to help him.  

Jonah woke up screaming.  Reese was on the bed holding him. He embraced Reese and started crying.  When he got over it, Jonah realized what he was doing, and pushed himself away. 

“I’m sorry,” Jonah said.  “Bad dream.” 

“Yeah, musta been. Do I need to call Tom? Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine now.  It was just . . .  I was just really scared.  It seemed so real.” 

Just then Billy ran into the room and saw Reese still trying to hold onto Jonah.  “What’s going on?  Jonah, are you okay?  Reese, what’s going on here?” 

“It’s okay, Billy.  I had a really bad dream, and Reese woke me from it.  I’m glad he was here.” 

“You sure you’re okay?  I heard you screaming.  I thought you were in pain.  Do I need to call Tom?” 

“Please, y’all.  I don’t know which of y’all is worse.  I’m fine. It was just a bad dream.  Everything that’s going on...  I’ll be fine.”   

“Well, it’s after noon.  I’m going to fix us all something to eat.  Do you feel like coming to the table, Jonah?”  

“Yeah, probably do me good to get out of this bed.” 

“Do you mind if Reese helps you dress?  I gotta get something on for lunch, and I don’t even know what I’ve got.  I didn’t get to the store yesterday.” 

“No, that’s fine.”  It was about then Jonah realized that he was dressed just in boxers and a t-shirt.  He couldn’t remember getting undressed; he assumed someone undressed him after he passed out.  “Um, would you look in that drawer and hand me a pair of sweats.  They go over this cast easiest, and I haven’t had a bath yet,” he said as he pointed at the dresser.”   

Reese found a pair of sweats in the drawer and helped Jonah into them; he got the crutches, helped Jonah into the dining room and sat at the table with him.  In just a few minutes, Billy was bringing out some salads.  “I found some chicken filets in the fridge and have them on grilling.  We’ll have grilled-chicken sandwiches.  They’ll be ready in minute.  Margie’s coming by around three, so try to stay awake, Jonah.” 

After lunch, Billy helped Jonah with a bath. Jonah got dressed, went back into his bedroom and sat back on the bed.  Reese was playing a video game. “Wanna play?” he asked.   

“Nah.  Just wanna be alone for awhile.” 

“Nopers.  You heard what Tom said.  Besides, we covered this.  You said you liked my company,” he said with a big smile.  There was something adorable to Jonah about Reese’s smile -- comforting, but more than a little sexy.   

“Reese is right,” Billy said, coming back in the bedroom after straightening up the bathroom.  “You might as well get used to it till Margie says otherwise.” 

“Okay, you guys win.  Knock yourselves out.  I just don’t feel like talking or doing anything right now.” 

“That’s cool.  We’ll just sit here and stare at you.  You’re not too bad to look at,”  Reese said again with that smile.  Jonah was desperately trying to ignore him.  “Did he just say I was cute or something?” Jonah thought to himself.  He heard Billy chuckle after Reese’s remark as he was leaving the room with an armful of laundry. 

“Well, if I’m going to sit here, I may as well get something done. Reese, would you pass me the laptop?  I need to check my emails for homework.  Maybe Dex is online, too.” 

Reese handed Jonah the laptop, who then logged onto his email. There was a message waiting—from Sky. Jonah screamed.  Billy came running back into the room.

“What?” 

“There’s an email from Sky.  It was just sent. I can’t open it. I just can’t.” He started crying. 

“Do you want one of us to read it?” Billy asked. 

“I think so. I mean I can’t take any more.” 

“Margie will be here in a few minutes, do you want to wait?” 

“Yeah, but will go ahead and open it and print it out for me?  We’ll read it together when Margie gets here.” Jonah sobbed. 

Billy held Jonah.  Reese took the laptop and hooked it up to the printer, which started printing in a couple of minutes. 

It was about half an hour before Margie got there.  She came back to Jonah’s room.  Reese got up and gave her the rocker chair. Billy stood by the door. 

“I hear we have a lot to talk about, Jonah,” she said. “Do you want Billy and Reese to leave?” 

“No, they were here with me; they know everything.  I lost it last night. I got this letter from Sky dumping me, and I lost it.  Tom said it was a panic attack.  He gave me some medicine to calm me.” 

“I know, Jonah.  How are you feeling right now, right this minute.” 

“I’m on so much medication; I’m not really sure whether it’s the drugs or me.  I feel really tired. I feel really sad. I feel … angry and nervous and hurt all at the same time.” 

“Those are all normal feelings, Jonah.  Can you compare these feelings to what you felt when your Mom died or when Zach died?” 

“This is as bad—worse in a way.  Mom and Zach couldn’t help it.  I mean Mom was sick, and Zach was in the wreck. Sky chose to walk out on me – to walk out on us.  It hurts like hell.  I . . .”  Jonah was having trouble breathing.  He wasn’t going to cry, but he was tensing up and breathing really hard. 

“Calm down, Jonah.” Margie reached in her purse and took two pills out of bottle. “Take these,” she instructed as she handed him the cup of water next to his bed. 

He took the pills.   

“I understand there is an email.  Maybe it has an explanation.  You want to look at it?” she asked. 

He nodded. 

Reese handed her the printout, and she started reading it.  “Jonah, I think this is something you need to read, then we need to discuss it.” 

“Read it aloud, Jonah,” she said.

Dearest, dearest Jonah, 

If you haven’t gotten a letter that I wrote you, please tear it up without opening it.  If you have gotten it, please burn it.  All I can say is I know it was hurtful, and I’m sorry.  I wouldn’t intentionally hurt you for all the world.  I had to write that letter to get out of that place.   

I’ve been in this program Mom made me go to.  It’s a Christian group that is supposed to make gay kids straight through Bible studies, counseling and prayer.  Maybe it works for some, but I’m not one of them.  All it has taught me is that I’m supposed to hate what I know I am: a horrible sinner not fit to live with the rest of humanity. 

I’m sorry, Jonah.  I say I’m sorry, because I love you, and I will always love you, but I know that I’m not good enough for you or for anyone, for that matter.  I’m just a loser. I also know that I’ll never be able to see you again. I don’t even know how to find you. If I go home, my mom will just lock me away somewhere else when she finds out I’m still gay. Besides she’s outed me in church, and I’m sure everybody at school knows, too.  Dad doesn’t want me, either.  I can never go home.  I have no home.  I’m going away, far away.  I want to try a new place and maybe find a new life. 

I can’t love anyone now.  I can’t even love myself. I hate myself, I hate my parents, and I think I even hate God for making me like this.   The only remnant of love that I have is what I feel for you.  I don’t want you to hate me, too.  I couldn’t bear that.  Thank you for what you shared with me, for what we shared. I’ll remember you till my last day, and I’ll always love you.  This is goodbye.  Don’t try to find me.  I’m deleting this email account after I send this.   

I want to leave you with one last thought and one last wish.  It’s from a song by Lee Ann Womack. 

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance..........

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance,
Livin' like me, takin' chances, but they're worth takin',
Lovin' might be a mistake, but it's worth makin',
Don't let some Hell bent heart leave you bitter,
If you come close to sellin' out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

Dance....I hope you dance.

 

I hope you dance, Jonah. 

I love you, and I’ll always love you.  Goodbye. 

Sky

* * *

 After Sky sent off the email to Jonah, he deleted his email account, and just sat around the coffee shop for a while surfing the net, trying to catch up on what all he had missed for the month he had been held captive by the good Christians at The Refuge. Most of all, he tried to distract himself from the finality of what he had just done, both to himself, and to Jonah. He got on his school website and saw where his former show choir, Attache’, had won another national competition.  Sky so wished he could have been there.  

Sky decided to just wander around downtown and blend in with the crowds till he went back to the train station.  He found Beale Street, but it was too early for any of the clubs and touristy places to be open.  He found a mall called Peabody Center and wandered around the mall and sat around the food court.  There was a movie theatre; he was there in time for matinee rates, and bought a ticket and went in.  He watched three movies by sneaking in and out of the different theaters.  By the time he was done, it was after 8:00.  He sat around the food court some more and wandered around the mall, especially the music store, till the stores were closing, then went back out on Beale Street.  Several of the blues clubs allowed people under 18 but you had to sit in the dining area. Sky didn’t want to spend what little money he had on inflated club prices for food, so he just sat and listened to the music until he was approached by a waiter or something, then he would get up and move. The clubs were really crowded and he was able to pull that off for another couple of hours and heard some really cool music.  

Then something weird happened. He was sitting in one of the clubs and this guy was walking around talking to people. He must have been a manager or something, but Sky couldn’t get over how much he looked like Jonah -- he could have been Jonah’s twin brother except he was obviously a few years older.  Sky kept watching him, he couldn’t help it.  Sky was constantly thinking about Jonah, Sky could close his eyes and see Jonah in his dreams.  He wanted to talk to the guy and ask him if he knew Jonah, but Sky was avoiding him because he wasn’t exactly a paying customer and was already dodging the wait staff.  Suddenly, someone behind Sky yelled “Hey Billy!” at the man, and the guy headed right towards Sky.  Sky decided he had better leave before he was thrown out for not ordering anything. 

Sky went back outside and just started walking around.  It was after midnight, and even though it was April, it’s was still cool there at night.  As long as he was walking, he was warm enough, but if he stopped to rest or sit, it was pretty cold.  He walked up and down Beale Street a number of times, the clubs were closing and it was after two a.m.  It was only four hours till the train arrived, so he figured he could hang out at the train station that long.  If anyone was looking for him, he doubted they were out at this time of morning. 

Sky was able to find a bench next to a wall and sleep for a couple of hours before the train got there.  He was awakened by other people moving around him. He paid cash for a coach ticket and got on board.  He was headed for New Orleans.   The train had nearly an hour layover in Jackson.  He was tempted to get off and try and call his Dad, but he  was sure that would his Dad would either beat him again or just take him back to his Mom, or both, and this whole thing would start over.  He couldn’t handle even the thought of that.  He couldn’t go back there.  Sky thought he really would rather die.  At least in a new city, he would have a chance to start over, to find a life.  He knew it would be hard, but at least there was a chance.  By the time the train finally pulled into New Orleans, it was evening.  He walked downtown and got a quarter-pounder at a McDonalds on Canal Street.  He also filled out an application.  As he didn’t have a phone, the manager said just to check back.  He went to several places like that filling out applications.   

At least it was warmer down in New Orleans. Sky eventually found himself in a small park in the French Quarter he knew was Jackson Square. He had managed to sneak a blanket off the train, along with some food he found in the dining car, all of which he had placed in a shopping bag someone had discarded. He found a relatively secluded spot and rolled the blanket out on to the ground.  There were several other homeless people in the park, and he just hid amongst some of the shrubbery and crashed.  He awoke the next morning and struck out again looking for work and a way to survive.

 Special Thanks again to CJ and Colin for your special help.  Thanks again to all of my readers,   I’m trying to reply to all of your comments, but real life keeps interfering, but I do appreciate each and every one, please keep them coming.  They are the fuel that keeps me going.