I love you, you know that, but I'm still not quite sure of your love for me. And I know I shouldn't be so insecure, but I can't help it. You're so uncommunicative.
It's so silly because I've had a lot of offers, and I could have been happy with a number of them. But I had to fall in love with you. I did, you know. I fell in love the first time I saw you. So tall, muscular, athletic, the big dark shape of you radiates energy and those doleful dark eyes just pierce my soul.
But Grigor, that first time when I took you home with me, you really worried me. You wouldn't look me in the eye, you behaved as though you didn't recognize that I was there. Oh, you were obviously pleased to be here, and you were no trouble at all, you fitted in straight away, but I wondered if you resented me in some way.
Well, we've come a long way together since then. You're a lot better than you were. I'll never know quite what they did to you before we met but you're gradually recovering and coming out of your shell, little by little. You still don't speak but you do at least listen when I talk. And you show emotion, you get excited with me about plans for the day, and when we do something I know you like I get the impression you're grateful. Small steps, but we're getting there.
You're keeping up your exercise regime but now I'm doing it with you, which is doing my health a lot of good. I've got more stamina now for the things we like doing together. And my shape is changing. I'll never have a shape like yours, of course, all sleek limbs and bulging muscles at thigh and shoulder, but I'm at least a little sleeker than I was, and I have you to thank for it. I hope you like the way I look, I know I'm not beautiful, not like you.
I love it when you come to me for a cuddle. Do you remember you never used to do that? I used to hug you and you just stood there and waited for it to be over. Those were times I used to feel a bit hurt, but I persevered and we've got past that. I love hugging you, I love feeling the muscles under your skin as I stroke your back or your thighs, I love the way you rest your head on my shoulder, and I love the way that you're happy for it to go on for ever. You never pull away, and I'm reluctant to, so we get some pretty long hugs sometimes.
There are still things we're working on. When I call you, or talk to you, you still don't give any indication you've even heard me, you just carry on whatever you're doing. You're not deaf, you can hear perfectly well, but I have to assume it's because of your early life, and I can be patient. We'll get there, dear Grigor, little by little.
I shouldn't be like this, I knew what to expect, they told me all about it, at the rescue centre. They said retired racing greyhounds are like that, they haven't been used to much human contact, they've never been in a domestic environment, and it takes them a while to learn to relate to their new owner. Anyway, I can't help it, dear Grigor, I'm in love with you and I hope one day your affection for me can grow into something like what I feel for you.
© Bruin Fisher November 2009